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Kids can be real jerks sometimes.

Crogg88 asked parents of Reddit: What was your "oh god I've raised a monster" moment?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


15. Yoink.

Not the mom, but the aunt. Sister's older girl is a saint, but the little one is a psychopath and sister and brother in law indulge every crazy behavior of hers.

One of the worst was last year when one of my sister's ureter broke and she had to get a tube from her kidney, out of her body and to a bag, while said ureter healed. She was pretty ill and was in the hospital for a bit more than a month.

Anyways, second night she's back home, little sh*t PULLS the tube out of my sister's kidney, requiring her to get an emergency surgery.

Little sh*t's excuse? She KNEW doing that would hurt mommy, but she (my sister) was getting SO MUCH attention from daddy since she got home... attention she (little sh*t) deserves more.

The worst part is that my sister and brother in law thought that was cute... smh. The crazy part is that my older niece would have never gotten away with something like that, so I don't really get why they spoiled the younger one so much.

I know she's my niece, but I just can't see past those behaviors and like her... she's 6 btw

kashmira_noman

14. Pretending to be kidnapped.

When my son decided- in the grocery store parking lot- that it would be "fun" to scream "YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY! WHERE'S MY MOMMY? YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!" He had this evil smirk on his face as I panicked and tried to explain what could happen if someone heard that. He started yelling it louder.

Edit** Thank you for all the parenting tips, but we're good :) Trust me, he doesn't get away with stuff. No I'm not going to slap him across the face or beat him. He was disciplined. He learned his lesson. I can laugh about it now. He is a mini me and my parents often remind me that he is karma for all the crap I put them through 😂

Iceicemickey

I'm fairly certain I am not a monster, but my Mom has recounted to me a number of times this gem: When I was 3 and my little brother was 1, the three of us were shopping. I was looking at something and wasn't ready to go, so my Mom grabbed my arm to try to drag me out and I proceeded to scream at the top of my three-year-old lungs, "DON'T BEAT ME." My Mom picked us both up & sprinted out & has never let me live it down.

IlsaMayCalder

13. Vicious.

When I was play arguing with my 7-year-old and she said she wished she was dead like my miscarried baby. Fucking savage and a brat.

markusmas

12. Parenting seems like such a joy.

Three year old daughter deliberately screaming to wake up her four month old sister. For five hours. During a long car ride.

Azuaron

I tell my wife that the duct tape in the trunk of the car is for emergencies. like, if we have to hold the trunk shut. or a window breaks. but deep down I know the time will come. and I will be ready.

penny_eater

11. Toxic dad syndrome.

My 11-yr-old son recently called 911 and said I slapped him. CPS came, it was a cluster. It was so well orchestrated, he even took a picture of himself with a red mark on his face. I didn't slap him and it eventually got debunked although he still won't admit it. A couple months later, he told his dad I forced him to make the ol' dirty 2 finger licking gesture, take a pic and send it to him.

He lives with his dad now, and isn't allowed here until I can afford a camera system. Still unclear on a motive.

bluedyou

Is it possible that dad is in on this?

ChickGalentine

Yes absolutely. Too long of a story to tell, but 11 years of nightmare. Years of dealing with someone who hates me for honest to god no reason, and I think he's pulling my son in to it with him.

I know what they say, money can't but everything... but it could buy me a boat.. and a lawyer.

bluedyou

10. This is pretty cold.

Years ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. Our daughter overhears us and comes into the room just as things hit their peak. My wife rushes into the bathroom crying. I'm left sitting on the bed feeling low, listening to my wife sob on the other side of the door. Our daughter looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy's crying" and proceeds to laugh loud enough for mom to hear. And with that, I was in trouble for something entirely new.

PallidaCulus

When my parents fought, I would run to the kitchen, get them each "weapons" like cooking utensils, and tell them to keep fighting.

Now, I just ignore it because it's so disruptive and annoying so I guess I grew up and turned out fairly normal. It would be worrying if I kept doing that same thing even now though.

Quailqueen2

9. They seem nice.

He told me that pouring hot water on daddy would be so, so, sooooo funny.

When my daughter was much younger, she and my ex's son talked at great length about how fun it would be to chop me up, cook my body, and throw me away**

jame5180

when my daughter was much younger, she and my ex's son talked at great length about how fun it would be to chop me up, cook my body, and throw me away would be.

Demon kids.

quesotilla

I know. If you're going to cook someone, at least have the decency to eat them.

MagicBandAid

8. Into the chokey with ya.

My mom found out her lack of parenting with my brother went wrong when he tried to choke me out for accidentally kicking him.

I don't even remember being choked, but apparently it was so bad he had to go to anger management and therapy for 3 years.

YesBunny

Congrats on being alive?

Unikitty20004

Being alive: 1

Being dead: 0

ghost_for_hire

7. Some people simply want to watch the world burn.

When our 13-year-old decided to steal 200 dollars that was hidden in my desk one week before Christmas, he then spent it all in one day on candy, and yelled at us for confiscating what was left of it, he also told us it was our fault for leaving money in the house.

To confirm that he is horrible person, he told his mum that he doesn't like seeing anyone else happy which is why he broke his one year old brothers things.

MacTavishoo

To confirm that he is horrible person, he told his mum that he doesn't like seeing anyone else happy which is why he broke his one year old brothers things.

This is a bigger problem than the money thing.

StrangeCharmVote

6. And they say kids can't be diagnosed as sociopaths...

Not the parent, but my mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, my half-brother tried to convince her to swallow a steak knife so that it would cut me up and she would have an abortion. Then when I was I think seven, he turned on the shower, put on a movie for me and my sister, and snuck out while he was supposed to be babysitting to go pick up his girlfriend in my dad's car, which he then wrecked. In his adult years, he's beaten a jack russell terrier puppy to death and at one point tried to commit suicide by downing a bottle of melatonin.

There's more, but I don't think anyone will believe me as it is.

EDIT: I've been asked multiple times to name other things he's done. Here's what I had replied elsewhere:

That's not his only car-related stupidity. He also had to go to the hospital after missing a jump trying to "car surf" in the church's parking lot, and when he got his inheritance from his biological father(About 60,000 dollars) he spent most of it on a '72 charger then paid even more to have some ridiculous custom engine put in. His family was in desperate need of a place to live and when they got evicted his car still didn't have seats.

Other stuff off the top of my head:


He went to jail for pulling a gun on an undercover cop that had pulled him over.

He fed his babies mountain dew, literally just poured the stuff from the 2-liter into the baby bottle.

He was expelled from high school for peeing in the water fountain.

He smashed a Mario All-Stars cart because he couldn't beat Mario 2.

He bought a CD-I at launch.

His wife has cheated on him so many times that he's decided that he can just try to pick up any girl he wants. He's not managed to cheat on her yet.


He took HGH and it made him lose his neck.

He and his wife stole the rental jukebox from their failed business, but then immediately broke it.

He cut his kids off from seeing their grandmother because she took my side after he refused to pay me 50 dollars for fixing his laptop, which I had agreed to do in front of other family members. His wife lied to the cops and had them at my door asking if I had stolen it. Their children told the police officer that they had agreed to pay me and never did.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention! When his biological father (Not mine, we share a mom) died and left him around 60K, he wanted as much of that money as possible so he decided to skimp on the funeral and have him cremated. His first attempt was to have the body driven to a PET CREMATORIUM because that was the lowest price he and his wife could find online.

MysticJoJo

5. Good save.

This chilling conversation with my then 4.5 year old daughter...

"Mommy, do you love me?"

"Of course, my darling! I love you forever and always, no matter what!"

"Even after I kill _(little brother's name)?"

Sweet as pie smile on her face and serious look in her eye... At the time she had recently learned to tie knots and I'd already had to take her jump ropes away as I'd found her with one tied around little brother's neck pretending he was her horsie!

ETA: As to an update many wanted: They're now 11 & 8, so clearly he's survived being her younger brother this far. She does love him dearly, but sibling rivalry and frustration definitely occur sometimes. At that age she loved to question me about everything, so I don't think she was actually formulating a plan to kill him so much as to ask me just how much I loved her. Certainly, I took away all jump ropes/sashes/etc for a year or two til she got over the knot tying obsession.

My response to her during that conversation was, "I would still love you, but my heart would also be broken because I love him too & I would be so sad every day if he wasn't here with us." I gently asked her things to trigger her talking about what she loved about him and what she was looking forward to being able to teach him when he got a bit older. It ended up being a more positive conversation despite the chilling start.

dancinginside

4. He also isn't the smart one.

Not me but my parents. My brother was always the naughty one. Shoplifting as a kid, mouthing off at school etc. But I think when they realized he was a genuinely bad person was when he stole a bunch of stuff out of some old guys cabin and then burned it down so he wouldn't get caught.

Spoiler alert: He got caught anyways because he pawned it all at our local pawn shop and they had his name and caught him on camera.

gunthergunthergoonter

3. Sweet like vinegar.

My brother-in-law is a monster. He used to be so sweet, but over the last two years he has stolen 4 cars. He has been brought home by the cops 3-4 times. Once he stole $100 from my mother in law. She called him and asked where it was. He claimed he didn't know. He butt dialed her right after and she clearly heard him bragging to his friends that he had stolen the money and that she was so dumb for believing him. The list goes on. These people are the most beautiful humble people I have ever met. I don't understand how this boy came to be.

brawnandbrain

2. Honestly though, explain ducks.

I have two sons. One is 11 and the other 7. The 7 year old is...special. Highly intelligent and very social. But also does a lot of deep thinking. Early one Sunday morning he came up to me, out of the blue, and said:

"Dad, how do ducks work?"

I was all "how to what? What? Ducks? Huh" in a half sleep state. Before I could work out what he wanted to know he said: "I guess if I open one up, I'll find out?" and walked away.

Honestly spent a good hour looking for ducks and watched him carefully when he went near the kitchen utensils.

EDIT: Oh yeah, there was also the time when he learned how to float in a pool after watching a documentary about ship wrecks. He could swim but never relax and float on his back. He can now, he just pretends to be a dead body floating away. Thanks YouTube.

GaryGronk

You've got to get that kid into wrenching on lawnmowers or cars and motorcycles and shit before he opens up something that doesn't exactly go back together.

BlindBeard

1. Torched.

My kid was 12 at the time, we were driving their friend home after a sleepover. They were taking turns roasting eachother in the back seat.

Then my kid says "your parents probably knew you would stutter, that's why they named you A-aron".

Yes, he did have a stuttering problem.

LifeIsOnTheWire

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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