Funny People Share Which Non-Existent Olympic Medals They Could Win

We are all worthy of winning an Olympic medal.

What that medal is in, though, is of course questionable. For example, I'm pretty sure I could win an Olympic medal for "most calories consumed in a single sitting". We all excel at something...even if that something isn't sports.

u/PTCruiser89 asked:

If an Olympic Games was to designed specifically around your talents, what would the events be?

Here were some of those answers.

Away In A Bedchamber


I would crush at marathon sleeping. I regularly hit 18hrs on a good weekend, but with a poor diet and lack of exercise, I think I can get it up to 24hrs in a competitive setting.


Game on. Once I slept in so late that it got dark and I said screw it and slept through the next night too.


Who's That Guy Again?

Binge watching shows. If nothing is stopping me, I've watched 3 seasons of a 22 on average per season episodes that are in 42-45 minutes per episode in 3-4 days. I retain the plot great but sometimes shows fail to mention the names frequently (more than 1-2 times an episode) and I've had no clue what a character's name is after finishing the show.


Til Tomorrow

Competitive procrastination.


"Your homework is due in 10 minutes."

Browses reddit for 9 minutes






LEGO My Medal

Competitive LEGO building.


This can be tough but as long as you have enough pieces and time. you can do anything.

I have a castle back in 2008 that took me a week to finish. Sad to say, I don't have a picture to back it up.

Great build buddy!


Thanks! On a related note, I almost did a large speed-build for a publicity stunt several years back. Ripley's Believe it or Not! in Times Square commissioned me to construct a giant LEGO sculpture of the Batmobile to promote the debut of The Dark Knight Rises, but sadly they canceled the event in the wake of the Aurora shooting tragedy. The idea was that I had several thousand black and grey LEGO pieces, and I had 24 hours from start to finish to build a large tabletop sculpture of the Batmobile, psosibly spanning 5 or 6 feet in length. They actually sponsored me and everything, and planned on broadcasting it on Good Morning America.


A Toddler's Playground

The 'haven't found your talent' event would be great.


I picture lots of random equipment (a piano, paint brushes, tennis rackets, snakes and ladders, an untidy desk, food) scattered around a race track and the competitors walking around trying out different things to see what suits them best.


Inspo From Info

There would be a Heptathlon consisting of:

Sarcastic Humour

Form Filling

Remembering Stuff You Learned At School

Remembering Useless Trivia For Pub Quizzes

Cooking Stews

Sitting Watching TV

Drinking Beer


Amazon Says Thanks

Shot put but instead of a ball you throw your money at Amazon

Race to see who cries first in a minor argument

Long jump but instead of jumping you do the worm and instead of sand it's a dirty club floor

Mental gymnastics to cope with trauma.


Rich Inner Life

Competitive thinking. Scoring is based on the word count of all conscious thoughts that go through your mind over a given period of time.

My brain doesn't slow down. Ever. It really sucks, honestly; paying attention to things right in front of me is very difficult when an auctioneer-style voice is continually delving into hypothetical worst-case scenarios or adding minute details to a multitude of imaginary worlds and superpowered fantasies.


Yikes Bridges, But Them Presents Tho

I once told someone that my top three talents were

  1. Burning bridges
  2. Annoying people
  3. Buying good presents


A Few Different Games

Three videogame events, in all of which you have to beat the most VS matches out of a series of games. The first would consist of classic games: Turok 2, Banjo-Tooie egg shootout, Star Fox: Assault, Unreal Tournament, UT2004, Star wars: Jedi academy, Power Stone 2, and ending with Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee. The second and third events would consist of the Mario party games and the 007 games, respectively.

In addition, there would also be a chess tournament, a soda drinking contest, and a dnd battle tournament.


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