Older Couples Who Decided Not To Have Children Share How They Feel About The Decision

Older Couples Who Decided Not To Have Children Share How They Feel About The Decision
Hero Images/Getty Images

Once you become a fully committed couple, the questions start pouring in. "When are you gonna have kids?" "When are you having kids?" "When are the kids coming?"

The hardest thing to say is they might never come, but that isn't always a bad thing, as evidenced by the stories below.


Reddit user, u/throwawaygeneral8899, wanted to know:

Older couples that decided to not have children... how do you feel about your decision now that years have passed ?

Everything Should Stop With Me

For my spouse, I can only say that they have physical and psychological issues that they've mentioned that they'd rather not pass on to a child.

For myself, I've always said that while I'm occasionally afraid that someday I might regret not having children, that's not the same as wanting children, and that's an important difference to me. I have my own reasons to believe I'd probably not be a good parent.

Yeah, we both get concerned sometimes whether anyone will be arsed to care about the sole survivor once the other's gone or incapacitated. But this thought is the result of our decisions, not a basis for changing our minds about having kids, which we will not. Having kids or not is no guarantee that you'll end up cared for or not anyway, though it does probably move the needle on your odds.

Oenonaut

No Need To Pile On The Issues

I go back and forth. My SO has some significant mental health issues and I know that I would be alone doing much of the emotional labor of raising a child, and I know I'm not really capable of doing it alone. Sometimes I worry very much about what I will do when I am old. I'm an introvert and dont have many friends and am not overly likable, so I assume I will be alone. I just hope that there are some kind robots to take care of me, and that I'll die before the robots turn on us.

Doctorjimmy

Be Self Aware Of Your Own Limitations

I'm not a couple, just a person. I've been in lots of relationships and was married twice. I would not have made a good parent.

Regret sometimes I wasn't born into a different life, but given the cards I was dealt... I think I made the right choice in that department and have no regrets.

Metatron_Fallen

Adventures Galore

Been married for 21 years and initially we tried to have kids but found out that it was going to be hard to do. Wife was heartbroken at first, but I was somewhat relieved. It's a lot of responsibility and your life changes to accommodate a child.

Over the years, wife has actually said a few times that she was glad we didn't have kids because we couldn't have had the adventures we did. I feel like it was the right choice and we're better off due to not having kids. We love our life and are continuing our adventures now in our 50's and we're starting to make plans for retirement.

grahag

You Don't Always Have To Spend Time With Your Own Kids

We've been married twenty years. We are both 50. Neither of us wanted to bring children into our family.

I spent a WONDERFUL afternoon with my 16 year old niece yesterday. We talked about her boyfriend, picked blackberries and discovered a woodland clam [fingernail mussel] living in a mud puddle [vernal pool] in the woods, which we named Fred. It was magical. I just adore her.

Not having kids is just as normal as wanting kids, I've always felt.

Zero regrets.

piskie

Seriously, Hang Out With Other People's Kids

Well...I'm a dude in a relationship with a dude. 26 years. We could have had children but didn't. Have plenty of nieces and nephews to spoil.

Also...we've been able to save and we are retiring this week. I'm 54.

dwsinpdx

Sometimes, You're Escaping From Old Wounds

My husband & I are in our 50s & have been married 19 years. We both grew up with abusive dads, were the "smart kid" in the family, got the hell out ASAP, worked our way through college & made something of ourselves before meeting & getting married. A lot of common ground & we've built a strong, rock-solid marriage.

We considered having kids, but after working so hard on healing from the childhood abuse & escaping the cycle of poverty we grew up in, we decided long ago that just the two of us was enough. We still consider ourselves a family and we've been really happy with our life together. Our home is peaceful & that's the thing we care about the most.

If I had to choose now, knowing what I do, between becoming a mother & having the marriage & home life I now enjoy, it's absolutely no contest. Zero regrets.

You Learn To Deal With It Everyday

I (43F) and my husband (41M) tried unsuccessfully for about 2-3 years to conceive. We did clomid and 3 IUIs. We stopped short of IVF due to the cost and low chance of success at my age. Adoption also was eventually ruled out for a number of reasons but chief among them was I didn't feel called to it (and I'm adopted myself), I wanted to have a child that was half me and half my husband which adoption would not have given us, and the sheer cost of adoption which still does not guarantee you a child (I have friends who have been waiting 2 years now for a child).

We're slowly coming to peace with the decision and it gets easier day by day but I still have many days where it's hard to realize that we won't have what so many other people have attained so easily. Infertility really does change you and breaks down your entire sense of who you are as a woman. Ironically I didn't even want to have kids for years until I met my husband.

DeeLite04

Kids? Or Sports Cars?

Me and my girlfriend don't want kids

we want sports cars and to live debt free.

There's too many kids out there without parents so we may adopt one day

CaptainGetRad

"Just fine with it."

Just fine with it.

I'm retired and my wife will be retired next year.

Almost all of our retired friends that have kids are still dealing with some sort of dysfunction or drama with at least one or more kid that should allegedly be "grown up" by now.

One couple actually went to court and fought to gain custody of their grand-kids, taking them away from their dangerously irresponsible parents. Grandparents were well into their sixties raising two teenagers, but both are doing very well now.

reg-o-matic

Sometimes, You Just Need To Cheat The System

I'm 53, and has a vasectomy when I was 28. Never regretted not having children. I married a woman 10 years older than I am who had two grown kids (17 & 21 when we married,) and now I get GRANDKIDS! We've been married about 20 years, and I have three granddaughters, 10, 8 and just 7.

So I sort of cheated the system. But I am glad I didn't have to raise small children, and I get to enjoy being a grandfather.

dramboxf

Why Make Them Fix Our Problems?

We are both around 30. Both of us don't have the wish/urge to get kids.

I think we would be great parents, but its just so much work. So much time, risk and what not.

And [I] really don't [want] my kid/kids to go through school and fix (if possible) climate change.

ssuuh

Oh Yeah...The World...

Wife & I are older than 60 and retired. Neither of us ever wanted kids.

We are extremely happy we never had any kids. I am reminded every day I read the news that it was a good thing not to have kids.

Willzohh

Freedom Is More Important

I'm 33 and my partner is 43. Neither of us have ever wanted kids, nieces and nephews are enough.

My family constantly tell me I'd make an amazing parent and yes I'm wonderful with kids and kids adore me, they always have but I just know myself enough to know I'd resent them at times.

I'd want my freedom back, I'd rather focus on my life, my partner and my career. Instinctively I know eventually I'd get so frustrated I'd just become one of those jaded parents who can't be bothered and ends up treating their teenagers like a couple of friends just out of laziness. The teenagers would love it but that'd be some god-awful parenting. Plus financially? F-ck that in a bucket.

I honestly believe I'd be terrible. There is so much I want to do with my life. Raising, feeding and educating another whole human being is not f-ckin' one of 'em.

anon_throwaway1992

Braver To Take The Road Not Walked

It's braver to realize you shouldn't be a parent than it is to have kids and do a sh-tty job of raising them.

Jkawfoord

You Most Definitely Need An Even Temperament

I'm 60 now, been married for 29 years.

God did not provide me with the proper temperament to raise children. Have never regretted our decision to be child free. We're good 👍🏻.

RaspyToZen

You Find Love Elsewhere

I have a professor at my university who has been married to his wife for 50 years, and they have no children. He calls us his children and always talks about how he and his wife are inseparable. He's a really eccentric and energetic guy, even in his 70's. He gives out candy to the entire class before every lecture he gives.

He seems like he truly loves life and has no regrets about not having any children.

dailydonuts16

What's a reason why you don't want to have kids? Tell us all about it.

Important Lessons People Have Learned The Hard Way

Reddit user IndianaC0NES asked: 'What’s an important lesson you learned the hard way?'

We've all had to learn something the hard way or at a super inconvenient time.

But because we're always learning new things, of course there will have to be some things that we learn later, rather than sooner, no matter the consequences of learning it too late.

Keep reading...Show less

From a young age, we've all had it drilled into us the importance of finding a good job that we can work at for the rest of our lives.

But sometimes those jobs don't work out for one reason or another, and sometimes all of the fault gets pinned on the employee.

Keep reading...Show less
Wedding photographer snapping a photo of a bride and groom
Mariah Krafft/Unsplash

Emotions are high at weddings, with the bride and groom going through various stages of anxiety and excitement.

During those stages, seeing how well a newly wedding couple interacts with each other as well as with other family members and friends under pressure can indicate how well they work together as a team.

If professional wedding photographers had years of experience capturing one of the most monumental milestones for couples, they would be able to identify if a couple can make it for the long haul.

Keep reading...Show less

We've all found ourselves in a position where we simply couldn't contain ourselves and found ourselves putting someone in their place owing to something they said which was either wrong or just plain stupid.

When it comes to the latter category, though, it's often worth taking a minute to wonder if fighting that particular battle is even worth it.

As many people who are about to shoot down their current conversation partner might take a minute and really examine the person they're talking with before remembering the old saying: "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."

Sadly, some people remember this conversation too late, and find themselves falling down a conversational rabbit hole from which they may never escape.

Keep reading...Show less