As children and teenagers, the old guy down the street or that uncle with the magic tricks is charming but no one you would EVER strive to be.
The guy sleeps in a leather chair, never plays outside, and can't work a computer. NO THANKS.
Then, you reach your late 20s or 30s, have a job that tires you out all day and that 7pm leather chair sleep fest starts to look pretty good.
The internet abounds with the crestfallen spewers of sayings, the folks well into REM by dusk.
Jehovanoid asked, "What "old person" things do you do?"
Staying in the Conversation
I look up words on urban dictionary so I can try to understand words kids use.
Welp. Not Much Else to Do Today.
My husband looked at me the other day and asked if I was ready to go to bed.
It was 5:30 PM.
The Elder Life-Hack
Go grocery shopping early in the morning. Old people know what is up on that front.
No lines. There and back home in 30 minutes.
Ask my wife to turn off the lights when we're not on the room because "I don't own stock in the electric company."
The Old Man Strength Diet
I eat like an old person. I love Grape Nuts cereal, green bean casserole, Werther's Original, Cream of Wheat, corned beef hash, and especially butter pecan ice cream. I've been known to order meatloaf at restaurants.
I left work early so I could open up my new vacuum that was delivered today. I'm super excited to vacuum my whole house.
I got angry at some kids running across my front yard last Halloween. I was THIS close to literally yelling "get off my lawn!" before I stopped myself. I'm 34.Giphy
The Physicalities of Age
Make old man noises when I get off the couch, declare my hip hurts at least 70 times a day, loose my glasses on my head.
Trouble With the Buttons
Type with one finger on my phone.
Say "Now why the heck did they change that?"Giphy
With Age Comes a Lack of Compromise
I am prompt. Aggressively so.
If you tell me to be at your house at 7:00, you best believe I'm knocking on your door before the clock hits 7:01. F*ck this "fashionably late" or "just get here whenever" sh*t.
I didn't ask what time you want to meet up to secretly gauge how cool you are- I'm trying to make a plan, damn it.Giphy
At the Head of the Table, I Assume
I love to tell and retell boring, long winded stories that go off on several tangents before I get to any real point.
Stayed tuned, though, because the next time we meet I'm going to retell them again :)
I tie and untie my shoes every time I take them off and put them back on. Shoes are expensive I'm not wrecking the heel to save a few seconds. rusticnacho
Shoehorn gang shotgetsblockedGiphy
Every Facet of Her Being
I am 60 and I sigh heavily when my husband (59) plays his music loud. I call a lot of people "honey" and I cook old fashioned food like fried chicken, pot roast, pork chops, baked potatoes and I bake for my grand kids.
I also fly kites with them they love the way I run.
I take fiber supplements. Cannot recommend enough. The less time I have to spend on the shi**er actually taking a sh*t, the better.
Still going to spend 20 minutes in there on Reddit though.
More Addicting than a Youtube Rabbit Hole
Read the 'letters to the editor' section of newspapers whenever I'm grumpy, just to grumble arguments to myself if I disagree with them. AnAverageCanuck
I read obituaries and nod along somberly. justalurkerkthxbai
When Did Old People Steal Birds?
When I'm off work and at home I always have a housecoat/robe (what is the proper name?) on over my clothes. Also usually holding a cup of tea and commenting on the birds I see out the window.
I'm a woman in her 20s who acts like one in her 70s.
Manning the Fort
I'm 24 and I arrive at work an hour ahead of time to beat the traffic. There's one other guy who does that and he's been with the company 46 years. We just chill in the break room until it's time to report for duty. MountainDude95
Do you play cards with the other dude? That would make this story sound more like old people. Gin Rummy or a weird variation of spades. abduis
Absolutely Unsustainable with a Normal Work Schedule
Schedule nice dinners out with friends at 5pm. They complain about it all the time because we're not old enough (25-33) to eat that early but I work days and I don't like people.
I just want to eat at a time when the restaurant isn't packed and I'll get my food in a reasonable amount of time.
Wiser than Machines
Me -"it's gonna rain tomorrow."
Someone else- "nah the forecast says it's supposed to be sunny all week."
Me- "the weather is going to do something funky either tomorrow or the next day, my knees are achy."
Weather - downpours all day the next day.