People Break Down Obvious Signs To Tell If You Have Sexual Tension With Someone

Two women smiling flirtatiously at each other
Photo by Radu Florin on Unsplash

Let's just be honest: the dating scene can be rough, especially when you're not sure if that person likes you back or not.

Some people, however, are very comfortable with their dating histories and believe there's a certain "cheat code" to confirming if someone is interested.

But for those of us who have always been bad at flirting and consider ourselves "oblivious" to other people's advances and compliments, maybe there could be some hope for us after all with these tips.


Redditor Independent_Slide932 asked:

"What are signs that there's sexual tension between you and someone?"

Their Undivided Attention

"It's serious eye contact for me, like when they would rather admire you than look anywhere else. It just makes it so obvious."

- GoGoHesHere

Butterflies

"For me, it's not just the eye contact itself, but when the eye contact is made, the two of you are in your own little world. There’s communication happening in that eye contact that you aren’t having with other people."

- la_metisse

The Thrill of the 'Chase'

"To answer the actual question OP asked, it’s finding reasons for eye contact."

"It’s 'accidentally' making physical contact. It’s always ending up sitting next to each other in a group."

"It’s a tingly tight feeling in your guts."

"It’s a beautiful pain to experience. It’s almost more fun than actually 'getting' the other person."

- AllAfterIncinerators

Literal Physical Attraction

"Angling. Always feeling like your center of gravity is shifting towards them."

- thelibrariangirl

Interested or Not?

"There's a regular who comes into my work who makes serious serious 'seductive' eye contact with me and has a smile that looks flirty."

"But he's also hot as f**k. He's just incredibly attractive. So like, just because it's making me turn to jelly doesn't mean it's anything other than just being friendly and having a regular smile to him."

- MangoMambo

It is, Indeed, ...Tense

"It's that awkward, 'I want to f**k this person, and I'm pretty sure this person wants to f**k me, but I'm not sure enough about it to actually make a move.'"

"That's sexual tension."

- Grueaux

Sounds Awkward

"It can manifest in a lot of ways. Usually, sexual tension develops when two people are attracted to somewhat attracted to each other. The funny part is, sometimes they aren't even fully conscious of it, or want to acknowledge it."

"That is where the tension lies. There is a reason why both are not participating in healthily acknowledging attraction for each other. It can look like tense awkwardness, constant fighting, overt flirtatiousness without any progression, and even consciously ignoring/avoiding the other person."

- EimiCiel

Silent Communication

"It's a shared gaze that at once leaves you both relaxed and on edge. It's like being old friends with a stranger."

"It's like an inside joke that isn't funny, it's sexy. I mean, it could be funny or sexy, but you see what I mean, it's a common understanding."

"It's like, 'You've got a secret, and I know it, and I've got a secret, and you know it, and the secret is the same thing, and we both know it, and it's so f**king delicious that we both know that without discussing it. The secret is nothing and everything, it's the knowing and sharing and the edging that is wonderful."

"It is something that is involuntary, but also once you've experienced it (enough), you can put yourself in that mode, make eye contact with a sexy stranger, and they may respond positively. It won't be as good as spontaneous mutual attraction, but you can put the signals out, 'Hey, I dig you, are you interested?'"

"Some people that you have that intense mutual attraction for aren't the right one(s) for you, except that they are the right ones to practice making that connection with. The person who is perfect for you might be someone who grows into the right emotional responses... and that's true of you, for them, as well."

"And lastly, you can choose to ignore both the mutual and asserted versions; the right relationship choices are both an emotional and intellectual decision, don't rely on one exclusively."

- im_dead_sirius

A List of Obvious Signals

"Reading signals is tough, I’m glad I don’t have to date these days."

"But some legit signals I’ve learned, in no particular order:"

"Prolonged or suggestive eye contact."

"Body positioning mirrors yours or stands closer than typical in your culture."

"Playing with hair when you interact."

"Light unconscious brushing up against or touching."

"If seated, leaning forward towards you frequently and/or touching you hand in a friendly way."

"Flushed or light blushing when they interact with you but not others."

"Suggestive teasing."

"Excessive awkwardness that isn’t the case with them around other people. Especially if they straight up start babbling like a loon."

"Awkward silences you could cut with a knife but they still keep seeking you out."

- AndrogynousRain

When Someone Gets It Wrong

"It’s hard to explain. Basically, it’s a nervous, delicious breathless feeling when they are close to you. You both go out of your way to stand just a little bit closer to each other."

"The sad thing is, some people think they 'feel' this with someone just because the other person is being friendly and misread signals. I once had a guy insist that we had sexual tension simply because I twisted my hair."

"He told me that twisting my hair was a 'mating signal.'"

"I told him that I had been twisting my hair has been a nervous habit of mine since I was a toddler, but of course, he wanted to believe I was interested and insisted that I must secretly want him."

- Joygernaut

Obvious to Other People First

"When other people pick up on it."

- The_She_Ghost

Responding to Looks

"When they suddenly look and hold eye contact and then look away. (Low)"

"When they look and notice you're looking then they run their hand through their hair. (Medium)"

"When they notice you looking and suddenly gently bite their lip looking away. (High)"

"When they notice you’re looking and do something to draw attention to their body either stretch and reveal skin or adjust an intimate part of their clothing. (Extreme)"

"Each of the above will make you get butterflies as you know that she knows AND that she knows that you know."

- DragonofDojima_

Trying to Keep the Conversation Going

"When there's a lull in the conversation, and eye contact is maintained while you both are trying to figure out what to say next."

- djpack

Looking But Not Looking

"Catching glances, by either party. The kind where they’re looking at you and don’t think you’ll look up or at them. Then suddenly the ceiling is really interesting to them when you make eye contact."

- HuxEffect

The Classic Note Trick

"When they hand you a piece of paper that says:"

"'Do you think that there is sexual tension between us?'"

"'[ ] Yes or [ ] No'"

- xaradevir

While we'd all love for the dating scene and general flirting to be straight-forward, simple, and stress-free, this thread serves as a reminder that it comes easily for some while being a puzzle for others.

At the end of the day, if you're interested in someone, the easiest thing to do, though it's terrifying, might be to ask them.

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