Nurses Divulge The Most Haunting Thing They Ever Heard Someone Say On Their Deathbed
The things we are faced with at the end of life are unimaginable.
The mind is ready to unload it all in those last moments.
I suppose it's because when we know the end is coming, it's our last chance to try and make it right or unburden ourselves.
Just in case there is a hereafter.
And the people who always catch these last-minute monologues besides our loved ones?
Nurses and healthcare workers.
Redditormaaraa_hwanted to hear from healthcare workers who have been there in the end. They asked:
"Nurses of reddit, what where the most haunting things someone said on their deathbed?"
I have many a bean to spill. But I'd have to be on morphine to confess half of them.
I Confess
"So this happened a couple of years ago. We had an ex-gang guy who was dying of cancer and he confessed that he was the gang hit-man for many years. He wanted to confess to all the killings and show the police where the bodies are buried."
"He would get closure knowing that the surviving families of his victims find out where they are buried. We had to get the hospital legal team involved cause we had no policies to deal with that. Cops got involved and the dude confessed to gang murders from decades ago."
lurkermuch
Tell Them
"Was an EMT-B on the 911 unit that got a call about a hit and run. Cops were on the scene first. The area of the city I worked in was rough. Some guy and his GF had got into a fight in the parking lot. It ended with the guy running over his GF, then backing up over her. Needless to say, she wasn’t doing well, and her vitals were tanking."
"We loaded her up, with a fireman and police officer joined with us in the back of the rig. She kept mumbling 'Tell my mom. Please tell my mom.' And naturally I figured it was her asking us to let her mom know she was hurt. The hospital takes care of that and I put it out of my mind rather quick as we were working over her."
"She flatlined before we arrived. They did not get her back. My partner was finishing up her paperwork and we turned to give her wallet back to the staff. The nurse on duty, who I knew pretty well, was reading a dirty piece of paper. She looked disgusted. When I asked what was up she simply put the piece of paperwork down."
"It was a letter that was picked up near her purse on scene. She had gotten accepted into a college. I realized then that in the ambulance, she was asking us to tell her mom she got into college. That is a deep sadness I have never forgotten."
Nspired_1
Cats know things...
"I provided hospice care for a loved one so she could die in her own home rather than a hospital. At the end, she became convinced that taking morphine for the pain was killing her. She would lay in agony asking me for help but refused the pain meds. I resorted to just raising and lowering her bed to help her get comfortable. The day she died her cat went from being aloof to sleeping on the bed with her. Cats know things."
GrandmaPoly
Oh Irene!
"I had a patient whose memory had been fading for years. It’s weird, right before a patient dies, sometimes they’ll sudden be doing a lot better. Anyway, he thought I was his late wife. I played along and just listened to him while he recalled his engagement, his wedding, his first childbirth, and a few other memories for me."
"At one point, he says 'Oh! Irene, there you are! Sorry, you know my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be. Well, thank you for listening to an old man tell his stories. I hope you have great stories to tell one day too. I’m coming, Irene.' And then he passed. He was my first long-time patient."
bedroompopprincess
Wow. People really hold in a lot. Sad.
“Will I die?”
"I had to tell my grandmother that dialysis would only give her another week or so to live and it was her choice to try or not. She was in and out of consciousness at that point and was in a clear state for the moment. She asked, 'Will I die?' I said, 'yes.'"
"She looked me in the eye and smiled just a little and said, 'sometimes you gotta do what you don’t want to do.' She closed her eyes, squeezed my hand and slept until she passed a day later. When things get hard, I always hear her say, 'sometimes you gotta do what you don’t want to do.'"
-Silouan-
“don’t let it bother you”
"Not a nurse, but my grandfather was put into a 24/7 care home with severe Parkinson’s. My mom and grandma had spent 4 years basically taking care of him constantly and needed a break for a couple weeks (although visiting him every other day in shifts)."
"I went one day alone and he looked me straight in the eye and said 'I need you to get me home so I can die, I can’t do it here.”' I tried saying everything I could to the nurses and my family to get him home without saying what he told me. 24 hours later he got rushed to emergency, as he was dying he looked at me and said 'don’t let it bother you' and died. Still bothers me."
Wanderedabit
Things in the world...
"While in hospice my grandma said to me... 'A, there are a great many things in this world worse than dying.' Then talked about how lucky she was to have lived the life she did. I had never looked at death like that before and that conversation truly changed me and my outlook. She was the most wonderful person."
feddeftones
“I found Jack”
"About 2 minutes before my grandma passed she had clarity (she’d suffered from severe dementia for years). She opened her eyes and said, 'I found Jack.' (My grandpa who’d died eight years prior). She said they were at a ball with their friends. Then she said, 'I’ve gotta go, he asked me to dance.' Then she was gone."
Chilibean127
It's just death...
"Many moons ago when I was a nursing student, a man in his 40s was lying on his deathbed from terminal cancer, his sobbing wife lying in bed next to him. He looked at his wife, using the last bit of energy he had to gently wipe away her tears and stroke her cheek. He took off his oxygen mask and said 'don't worry love, don't be afraid. It's just death' and passed shortly after."
vikingnurse
Dad
"Former CNA in the dementia unit of an assisted living facility. 'My dad is on his way to pick me up now.' She said that every time I checked on her until she died about a week after it started. While she was still mobile she would tidy her room and sit on the edge of her bed and just wait most of the day."
sikeaux
Wearing black...
"Not a nurse, but my mom, uncle, and aunt all said that when their grandfather died, he kept telling people to kick out, 'that bald headed *itch' out of the room. When they'd ask who, he'd say, 'the one wearing the black shawl, she keeps knocking on the window.' There was no one there obviously, they think he saw the reaper or something like that.
UnderwaterPianos
Death
"My patient grabbed my arm, looked me in the eyes and said 'please don’t let me die, I have a daughter.'”
macncheebs
"This is the one that gets me. I’ve made peace with the idea that I’m going to die someday not of my choosing but the idea of leaving my young children alone in this world terrifies me and fuels my desire to be a better parent."
00uwu
Late in Life
"I’ve had multiple people begging for their mothers. It made me even more sad because it was people well into their 80s/90s, who’s mothers were obviously no longer around."
x_JaneDoe
"My 85 y/o grandmother passed away on Monday. The day before she passed, when she was still able to speak, she thought I was her mother. She looked in my eyes and said 'It’s my mama.' That’ll stick with me for the rest of my life. That, and the single tear that fell from her eye the moment she passed."
daughterofpolonius
“it is what it is”
"My great uncle’s last words before he passed were 'it is what it is.' I know it’s really common but I find myself saying it quite a lot nowadays. It is what it is My great aunt who lived to be 101 was straight vegetative for like a month or so before passing, the day after her 101st birthday."
"On the day OF her birthday, she suddenly was conscious and awake as everybody had come to leave a birthday cake. She told stories and laughed. Then she went back to being comatose and died the next day. Woman loved her birthday lol."
PanzerKatze96
Forget you Family
"Not a nurse but was a cop and I was with a 20 year old who took his own life. He checked into a nice hotel and his parents reported him missing. Anyways they found out he was in a hotel by a credit card charge. I was the responding officer and when I arrived, I knocked on the door he answered and was really cool. We chatted for a few minutes and I asked him if he was willing to come down stairs to meet with his parents."
"He went back into his room and I held the door open. It appeared he was putting on a jacket but he pulled out a gun, placed it on his temple and said, 'f**k my family, this is on them' and pulled the trigger. First time someone mulled themselves in front of me and wasn’t the last. That s**t haunts you years later."
The_Troll_Gull
"How long was I out for that time?"
"Looked after a guy with end stage heart failure. He kept having episodes where if he coughed or leaned forward - anything to increase his intra thoracic pressure, he would pass out. He would come back after a few minutes and gradually go from purple back to pink. 'How long was I out for that time?' He was fully mentally fine - sharp, witty and at peace with what was going to eventually happen to him."
"Him and me were joking that one of these episodes were going to kill him, as he sipped his tea and we talked rubbish. 5 minutes later it happened again and he didn't come back. He had a DNR order which was sensible. Very eerie to talk to somebody so vibrant and alert minutes before he died. Such a nice dude, I want to be in that mindset when I go too."
knifechoir
“I didn’t want to kill the kids”
"Physical Therapist here. I treated a man in his nineties who was a DNR/DNI. At least once a week when I would go to his room to start our sessions he would cry and say 'I didn’t want to kill the kids.' After speaking to his nurse, it was revealed that he had killed children in WW2. He collapsed during a session and said 'the kids are here to get me.' He died a few minutes later."
RCee7
‘beautiful, beautiful’
"My stepfather passed away last year. Towards the end he was very cranky and hadn’t treated my mother very kindly. Before he lost consciousness he was stroking her face saying ‘beautiful, beautiful’… that made me happy."
crystalisedginger
Now
"My grandmother grasped the nurses hand and said 'I think I’m going to die now.' The nurse was telling her no she was doing much better and would likely leave soon but my grandmother was gone before she could finish her sentence. She knew."
KneeDragr
"I’ve literally written 'impending sense of doom' on a patients chart. If they die I want it known I took them seriously! Doc laughed at me, I don’t care, I stand by upgrading that chart to a more serious code."
the_sar_chasm
"I'm done"
"My dad was in the hospital and found out he had lung cancer. It was him, my step mom, and a nurse in the room. He told my step mom to get him something just to get her to leave the room. The nurse said that before she could stop him he took off his oxygen mask, said 'I'm done' and he lost consciousness immediately. He was on life support for a day or so but he was already gone. When we pulled the plug his body died in less than 5 minutes. I guess he really was done."
HumpieDouglas
Let it go. Let it go. It's all you can do.
And thank you, healthcare workers.
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There is no feeling more frustrating than saving up for a fancy, expensive dinner at a restaurant everyone's been talking about, which you had to book months in advance, only to sit down to a very underwhelming meal.
What makes this all the more infuriating, is that there was absolutely nothing to suggest that this might happen, as the five star yelp reviews and sky-high prices suggested you were in for a treat.
Thankfully, there can be signs that certain restaurants aren't worth spending your money at.
Be it a grungy facade, a menu that seems a little too eclectic, or a less than welcoming greeting from a host, sometimes it's clear that you're bound to have a much better meal at your local greasy spoon than you are at certain restaurants.
"What is a Red Flag that you are in a bad restaurant?"
When They Just Can't Be Bothered...
"The restaurant isn't even busy but they take ages to serve you, and when they finally do they seem reluctant."- peculiar-pirate
coffee pouring GIF by South Park GiphyQuality Over Quantity
"Long menu."
"Pages and pages of food that doesn’t really make sense or go together."- blackaubreyplaza
"Sushi, pizza, AND burritos are ALL on the menu."- financialfreeabroad
"Huge, unfocused menu."- TheWarDoctor
Lets Eat Reaction GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphyLack Of Authenticity
"Ethnic restaurant with no customers of that ethnicity in a town with a large population of that ethnicity."- baronvonbee
Don't Be Fooled By It's Appearance
"I've eaten at ratholes with amazing food and had terrible food at nice steakhouses, both can have people cooking for minimum wage and bad management."
"If it's a small ethnic restaurant and you see kids doing homework at one of the tables; try the food, it's always good."-Dizzy-Particular-258
It's All About The Food
"It’s sometimes difficult to tell until you try the food."
"There’s a restaurant in my town that is consistently crowded."
"Fairly expensive."
"My wife and I went there and waited a few minutes for a table."
"Restaurant was dirty, food tasted stale, and my wife happened to walk by the kitchen and see like 6 microwaves on a table heating stuff up."- jonahvsthewhale
kitchen nightmares amy GIF by Global EntertainmentGiphyOne Unwanted Guest
"The very moment Gordon Ramsay appears and calls the employees f*cking donkeys."- Ch*ist_Hater666
When The Ambiance Is Anything But Romantic
"Bad lighting or sticky tables."- trashbagbum
"Dirty floor, if they can’t keep the floor clean, they aren’t cleaning the important stuff."- lovelynutz
"A dirty bathroom means a dirty kitchen."- ManifestsOnly
dirty spongebob squarepants GIFGiphy"Oh, Sorry We're Out..."
"Whatever is on the menu 60% is not available."- XqueezeMePlease
Whether Or Not It's The Food You're Smelling...
"Smells bad."- Louis-grabbing-pills
Roaches Check In...
"In university I went out with some friends and they decided to go to mid-priced restaurant before we caught a film."
"I was really broke so I feigned not being hungry to excuse the fact that I couldn't order anything."
"As we were hanging out I noticed a cockroach crawl onto the table and quickly scurry out of sight."
"That is one of the few times I was happy to be poor."- gildorratner
"If you smell freshly popped popcorn, but they don't serve popcorn, they have a cockroach infestation."
"The smell is the result of a potent insecticide and dead roaches."- Goatmanthealien
place cockroaches GIFGiphyMany restaurants are not worth their expensive prices.
While others aren't even worth a single second of your time.
Thankfully, those can be fairly easy to spot.
As we get older, cars become less of something that gets us from point A to point B and more of a necessity.
Not only do we need to use cars to get from one place to another, but they also double as storage spaces, private places, and, in the worst of cases, shelter.
Because of their importance in our lives, it's good to have a few things tin your car to keep you prepared. When I got my first car, my mom stocked it with the usual supplies: jumper cables, ice scraper, spare tire, and a roll of quarters. She also added a blanket, a powerful flashlight, and a knife.
While I've never needed to the knife, I was glad to know it was there, and the other items have all come in handy.
I also like to put a change of clothes in my car. You never know when someone will cut you off in the road, making you spill coffee all over your white blouse.
Redditors know there are other important things to always keep in your car, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor Ace-Venturaa asked:
"What’s one item everyone should have in their car?"
Sick Bag
"A barf bucket. Had my dog and my kid both puke in my car. Darn dog couldn't hold the bucket."
– boegsppp
Break Out
"And a small fire extinguisher, and one of those things for breaking windows in case of an accident and the doors don’t open."
– Quick-Oil-5259
"Like, a small fire extinguisher?"
– anon10122333
Safety First...And Always
"First aid kit"
– ApolloApproaches
"In Germany it is required to have a first aid kit, reflective triangles, and reflective vests in every car"
– britishbrick
Super Important
"Some kind of disposable paper like a napkin, kleenex, baby wipes, even an old shop towel. Nothing worse than needing to blow your nose in your car and you have nothing at all to use."
– sbourwest
"A stack of chipotle napkins"
– Avocadofarmer32
"Everyone should have somewhere in their car to store some of that unnecessary amount of napkins fast food places give us."
– AloyTheN0ra
Capture The Moments
"Seriously, a dashcam."
– Sparksman91
"True. Half of having insurance is.. proof."
– A40
"At this point I'm surprised they're not included by manufacturer, or insurance companies don't just pay for them. Even if they're vampires who would never pay a cent they aren't forced to, simply removing all the headache involved in this stuff has to be worth it on their end."
– SigmaBallsLol
"Person backs into your car. Claims you hit them. Dash cam settles it."
"Person claims you ran a red light (when they did), and that's why there was a crash. Dash cam settles it."
"Etc."
"Insurance believes liars the same as honest people - unless there is evidence. Like a dash cam record."
"I bought mine used, $15, two years ago. Once a month or so I check that it's still working. Insurance insurance, and maybe someday it'll see a bigfoot, or a meteor..."
– A40
Back On The Road
"Jumper cables"
– wildling-woman
"Better yet a portable jump starter battery (like the NOCO boost). Those things are amazing. They hold a charge for months in blazing hot or freezing cold temps. They are the size of a brick. And best of all since they attach to the dead battery directly, you don't have to hope your jumper cables are long enough. They also have usb plugs to charge a phone or tablet."
– Tuesday2017
Let There Be Light
"Flash light. They are cheap can be stored for years and take up little space.,It's better to have one and not need it than need one and not have it."
– Euphoric-Beat-7206
"I keep a headlamp instead of a flashlight. That way I can have both hands if I need to change a tire or something."
– Local-Finance8389
Cozy And Warm
"A blanket. Shock from a traumatic injury can cause a sharp drop in body temperature."
– No_Library_5120
"After my bad wreck a few years back, I was in shock and I remember I felt so cold. I had no blanket in my car, nor did anyone else. It was middle of summer in the southern US. I felt like it was winter"
– Katsu_39
Money, Money, Money
"Emergency cash, I keep like $40 usd"
– Dudebrohoe
"If you're going on a road trip, stash enough cash to pay for gas to get back. If you lose your wallet you can still get home."
– banjowashisnamo
"That's a good one. Especially if you lost wallet and phone."
– lolben1
Always
"A licensed competent driver."
– Improvedandconfused
"And a can of pepper spray to take care of annoying backseat drivers."
– sleepyJoesBidet
Make A List
"1- tourniquet. Preferably one inside of a good first aid kid."
"2- glass breaker. In the unlikely event you get stuck in the car as it’s going underwater, a glass breaker / seatbelt cutter combo tool can get you out safely. If you have electric windows, a tiny amount of water can disable the electronic door locks and window buttons, a spring loaded glass breaker will make short work of it. Even if you don’t have a specialized spring loaded glass breaker, something that comes to a sharp point (like a screw driver) that can be used to break the glass out can save your life."
"3- emergency blanket. The Mylar ones that look like aluminum foil cost like 2-3 dollars. If your car breaks down and it’s snowing out, you can use it to stay warm far longer than just running the heater in the car will last. The shiny foil looking side reflects your body heat back at you, and you can use it to trap heat from the car around your body core. The more expensive ones are a little better and less likely to rip, but even the cheap ones are better than nothing. Even if you don’t get an emergency blanket, a normal quilt in the trunk isn’t a bad idea either."
"4- a lighter. A lot of cars come without cigarette lighters now apparently. In an emergency you could try rigging something up using your car battery to start a fire to either stay warm or signal someone. Or you could just flick a bic. Lighters cost 50 cents. It’s not a big investment and it might save your life."
"5- flashlight. This one requires a little more maintenance than everything else I said, as you’ll have to change the batteries every once in a while even if you don’t use it. A cheap 1-2$ LED flashlight can help immensely in a lot of situations. From having a flat and needing to see to change it to locking yourself out of your house, or needing to signal someone for help so you don’t get hit on a highway, or needing to look for a key you drop that bounces under the car or into a ditch. This one can be as simple as a keychain flashlight you put on the car keys. Headlamp is even better because you can either be hands free or use it like a normal flashlight if need be."
– PerInception
Laughing At Clouds
"an umbrella"
– KermitMadMan
"I was beginning to think I didn’t have anything on these lists and finally found one lol"
– Joshifi3d
Absolutely
"I haven't seen anybody mention this but sunglasses. You really don't want to be caught with the full blast of the sun in your eyes while you're driving. It can seriously blind you for long enough for an accident to happen"
– advancedwarlord
I have to go restock my car!
One morning at work, I was having a conversation with a co-worker. The subject was something we had discussed before: me, freaking out about possibly being let go since I was the last one hired and many businesses hadn't recovered the losses they suffered due to COVID.
My co-worker, who had previously just listened to me and offered platitudes, gave me some real advice that morning. The advice had come straight from her therapist.
"Think about your worry and think about if there is evidence to support that worry. If not, you shouldn't worry."
It seems simple, but it really helped me. While many businesses didn't recover, the company I worked for had, meaning there was no reason to worry about my job -- unless, of course, I spent so much time fretting over getting fired that my output suffered.
In an age where mental health is so important, therapists can really help with coping mechanisms, advice, and even your general outlook on life. Redditors know this is true and are ready to share some of the most valuable lessons they've learned in therapy.
It all started when Redditor figinjosejospe asked:
"What's the most valuable thing you’ve learned from therapy?"
Just Walk Away
"Sometimes it has to be YOU who needs to walk away from them. This an advice that was given to me when I had a toxic friendship that was draining me for years."
– JennFoogle
"I learned this lesson two years ago, and I am still struggling with it every day. I had a friend who is an alcoholic and a drug addict but a functional member of society. He would ALWAYS use me as an excuse by saying I am a bad influence on him when it was ALWAYS him doing drugs and just generally being a POS."
"One day he decided to try and sleep with my then spouse in my bed, I caught him, I did not immediately confront them about it but when I did she dumped me because she did not want to hurt his family..."
"Some people just need to go"
– Then_Channel_3234
"I cut off a close friend a few years ago. Long story, but I’m happy I did. Feels like I just took a huge dump."
– Scottland83
The Real Me
"No one sees the version of you that you see of yourself."
– Bazooka_Antics
"Very true! It's one of those "we are our own worst critic" situations. The way I see myself and the way I'm described by others seems dramatically different"
"Good pick!"
– appleparkfive
Just Say No
"I can say, "No" to people who won't accept a no. (100 ways to say "No" was a"homework" assignment.)"
– AQuietMan
"Additionally, "No." is a complete sentence."
"You don't have to justify no."
– coniferous-1
You Fix You
"For me, therapy taught me that my personal issues were my responsibility to fix. Blaming others accomplishes nothing. To improve, you have to take responsibility for things in your control."
– nick_otis
"This so much this! Mine told me “it’s not your fault that these things happened to you but it is your responsibility to make sure you don’t take it out on others”"
– melkyyyy
We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve
"I learned that I don’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate everyone around me at all times. I think I kind of was a pushover before and now I’m getting better at setting boundaries and standing up for myself. Not everyone in my closer circle is happy about this, but now i’m learning that it is also okay to let friendships go. I don’t owe anyone my friendship. Might sound weird, idk. But yeah :)"
– AnotherPeaInThePod
"Oh man. Same. You should have been there for my last family gathering. Me not defaulting to servant/punching back like they were used to led to an all out uproar. The worst part was they took it out on my wife, blamed her for supporting my independence and right to not be used. It's been a while since I've seen most of them now and I had to come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be close with my sister again."
– ironwheatiez
"You teach people how to treat you"
– expert_dogpetter
Be Good To Yourself
"Being kind to yourself is so hard because we’re (older gen maybe a bit more I guess?) taught implicitly for years NOT to do it. It is something new that you are starting against something much worse long established Like every new skill it will take time to develop and that is totally ok"
"Related: Don’t punish yourself for a lapse in “discipline” when trying something new. Take a break (Whether it’s minutes or days or longer) and try again. It’s not a setback, it’s a readjustment to helping build a stronger habit to give the version of you that you want to be a chance. 10 push-ups today might not seem like much but if yesterday was zero, then 10 is a lot."
– ValBravora048
Listen To Your Heart
"It's made me realise just how little I listen to my emotions normally - and that emotions are amoral and can't be rationalized away, they just exist."
"When my therapist asks me how I'm feeling about something, so often I don't know - or I do know the answer, but it feels ugly/mean, so I don't want to admit it, even to myself. Once you clock how often that's happening, you realize why bottling so much stuff up is leading to your general unhappiness/stress."
"Still working on this, but it's surprised me to have that big of a revelation when I thought of myself as being very emotionally mature. (Turns out I can manage everyone else's but not my own)"
– Lordaxxington
Not All My Fault
"That it really IS my brain chemistry and not just a Me Problem."
"Due to circumstances, I had to complete a 10 week program in order to qualify for getting assessed for medications. My first therapist quit after my 9th session, and since she was the only one offering the program at that clinic, I had to start again with another from week 1"
"Both told me that I'm doing everything right, that I know and use all the coping mechanisms, that they can't REALLY help me from thier position and both reccomended I get medicated (tbf I have my own reservations about exactly how much work can really be done in 10 sessions against a life time of Being Like This but that's a whole other issue)"
"But the difference is honestly night and day."
"I can't explain to you the f*cking PEACE I feel now. Not having a melt down due to taking a little bit too long putting change in my purse at the grocery store, not having months of fog with no memory of events, being able to just exist in my body and environment without feeling like I've called doom upon myself for the crime of existing in a space."
"I still have work to do on myself, but oh my God it's so much easier."
– Aware_Bet
But Faaamily!
"You don't HAVE TO like your parents. It's not some sort of requirement."
– 10throwaway123456789
"Jumping off your comment: that your parents are just people you share the planet with and you may not like who your parents are as people and that's okay."
– EmbarrassedBoat9587
"I remember my big breakthrough moment with my therapist was."
""You know both your parents are terrible people right?""
""Well, they have both done bad things, sure.""
""Count the number of good things they have done for you and then the bad things to you""
""...""
""Yeah. You owe them nothing.""
– coniferous-1
You Feel What You Feel
"The more you run from your own feelings, the stronger they get. It’s only through acknowledging and facing your feelings that you’ll be able to work through them. Also, labeling feelings as “good” or “bad” is counterproductive. Your feelings are valid. How you process and express those feelings is what’s important."
– scaryboilednoodles
Best Advice
"Don't accept criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice"
"No one can walk all over you if you don't lay down on the floor for them"
– slynnmart
I wish someone had told me that when I was younger!
I believe good parents are miracle workers.
And I know for a FACT that it is not a job I am capable of doing.
But, based on simple moments I've witnessed, I do believe there are some people I can do better than... if I had to.
Not everyone is born to be a parent.
And the crux of life is that, as a parent, there is no way to save your child from not being a mess somehow.
Case in point...
A recently deleted Redditor wanted to compare notes on parents, so they asked:
"What screams 'I’m a terrible parent?'"
I can't tell anyone how to be a parent.
But I have a few ideas on how to make a few tweaks.
"I'm SUPER fascinated in finding out how this generation of kids who are growing up with cameras in their faces turn out. Seeing as generations tend to do the opposite of how their parents raised them, it’d be funny if the babies born now, completely revolt against all things social media 😅."
WildflowerChickpea
Just Say It!
"Not saying sorry to your kid when you are in the wrong or made a mistake."
SuvenPan
"I used to struggle with this. I became so used to excusing my existence that I became habitually defensive. Admitting that I’m wrong is still a conscious effort for me."
"For my children, I try to model being magnanimous when getting something wrong; if they correct me and they’re obviously right, whether it be with discipline or information, I try to go out of my way to say I was wrong and thank them for telling me. I think I’m doing better? Hard to tell."
darklightner11
Crap Talk
"Talking crap about your ex in front of your kid."
Material_Ambition_95
"There was this woman who would rant about her ex-husband in front of her kids all. the. time. and their faces would look so sad and hurt. You may hate that man but your kids have part of his DNA and they take everything you say to heart. It's a poisonous and manipulative thing to do."
Antidote_to_Chaos
"Adding to that, telling your kid about the 2 fraudulent lawsuits you’re creating against their other parent. And telling them how you’re going to hire a private investigator against the other parent. All while ignoring the child when they tell you 'Don’t talk to me about -other parent- you’re making me uncomfortable.'"
Fluffy-kitten28
That's Funny?
"Filming your child trying to mock them only because 'it's funny' when it's clearly uncomfortable for them, and then post the video on the internet."
arrastre
"I was an assistant manager at Spirit Halloween a couple of years ago and there was a couple there who filmed their clearly terrified young child screaming and crying at the animatronics, and they laughed. It hurt my heart."
carlykerfuffle
"Those videos of kids happily sitting down to blow out birthday candles, and then a pr*ck slams their face in the cake. WTF."
jpr_jpr
Bye Bye Bye
Sport Soccer GIF by Real MadridGiphy"If their kids are older, and want nothing to do with them."
spicy-bae
"Mom screams at me to move out and never talk to her again if she is such a bad mother. I move out and never talk to her again. Surprised Pikachu face."
No_Scale7584
No communication between adult kids and parents, speaks volumes.
Listen Again
No Way Wtf GIF by HarlemGiphy"Defending every action/behavior of your kid without hearing the other party's side. It's obviously natural and important to listen to your child, but you should not be disregarding the fact that your kid can make mistakes and is not perfect."
LeonLunaLola
"Or, for that matter, believing every story you hear about your child, no matter how outlandish it may be."
notthesedays
It's YOU
"When you use your kids as emotional support figures or use them to cover your own irresponsibility. You had a 20-year head-start on your kid, yet they're already more responsible and mature."
Osteo-Malaka-cia
"I just got the image of my dad in my head while reading this. No wonder why I don't pick up that f**ker's phone call. It's unbelievable how someone over 50 y/o can have the financial responsibility of an 8-year-old in a candy shop."
Zahard_Zj
Rude
"Trying to gossip with one of your children about the other one."
LennaPine
"My mother did this with all of her children - me, my sister, and our two older half-brothers from my mom's prior marriages. Before I cut contact with her, she'd call me and would bash my sister for 15-20 minutes."
"Or she'd talk sh*t about one of my older brothers and their wives/children. My sister would mention to me how our mom talked sh*t about me while on a call, etc."
"It's because of that; none of us siblings really communicate with or trust each other. We either fully cut contact with our mom or severely minimized contact."
shaoting
Are You Serious?
"An idiotic name (circa AITA Krxtxl) or anything similar. Any parent I’ve ever seen who does this crap treats their kid like an accessory. iPad/phone parents. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against screen time but there has to be some boundary) I had a child in my last preschool class who literally ONLY spoke in YouTube quotes or video intro styles."
"I had to have him at age 4 permanently removed from my class for hockey fighting a kid and screaming 'It’s a prank f***er.' So yeah... there’s been a lot of varying degrees of screen obsession but that was one of the worst. That and the kid who hit my co-teacher in the face with a poop-filled hand for putting the iPads away for lunchtime."
Sea-Butterscotch383
No Excuses
No Way Smh GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"Parents not punishing their kids. All kids are different and some things might not work but if your child is actively disrespecting a teacher or physically hurting another person and your first thing is to make an excuse."
nope123ee
Parenting ain't easy.
No one said it was gonna be.
And sounds like some of us may need to rethink doing it.