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Oh Lawd... history is FULL of scandal kids. The things they don't tell us is a mountain we'll never see the top of, and maybe we shouldn't, at least not without parental supervision. If everything that's not in the books was; we'd be living in libraries. And a large portion of history needs to come with a rating.... and a shower and a voucher for some vodka. Whew.

Redditor u/waxlrose wanted to know about all the things we're denied learning about history by asking.... What's a NSFW detail about a historical figure that's normally left out of the history books?


"When in Vienna"

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It's becoming more well known but Mozart wrote a chorale literally called "Lick my Butt" to piss off the bishop who employed him in Salzburg, hoping to get fired so he could go to Vienna.

Elrick_James

After Alois....

After Alois Alzheimer gave the first ever speech describing the symptoms of what would later become known as Alzheimer's Disease, no one in the audience asked him any questions or made any follow-up comments, despite the fact that this was quite literally one of the most important presentations ever given in the field of medicine.

(For real: Alzheimer's Disease affects about 6% of people aged 65 and older. It's a big deal.)

So why did no one pay it much attention? Turns out they were all much more focused on the next guy on the docket, who (allegedly) was there to talk about about compulsive masturbation.

Portarossa

Hey Grover.....

President Grover Cleveland, 49, married Francis Folsom, 21, in the White House. He was basically her godfather and even bought her a baby bed when she was an infant. She knew him as Uncle Grover as a child and told him she wanted to marry him in the White House one day. https://www.vox.com/2015/2/27/8120283/house-of-cards-marriage

Ishootdogs

Ben is Strung.

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In school I was taught that Ben Franklin had a string of pearls that was several feet long. He would add a pearl to it each time he slept with a new woman.

CantJustStop

"Dear Elizabeth"

Little late but worth a shot.

Elizabeth Bishop and Robert Lowell (the poets) had a 30 year letter exchange where Robert, while married, swooned over Elizabeth after he initially met her, declaring his love and want to propose for her all while being married and her blatant denial and uncomfortable lesbian anguish at this fact.

He threatens suicide and lots of self harm while she's just like "haha let's read this book together and not think about romance".

He was a manic cocaine freak and she was a CRAZY alcoholic lesbian with a toucan. She drank rubbing alcohol when denied conventional drinks. There's a great play highlighting these events called "Dear Elizabeth".

Johnsonm23

being gay...

After Alan Turing cracked the enigma code, essentially ending WW2 years earlier than expected and saving countless lives, he was thanked by the British government in the form of chemical castration. All because he was a gay man.

Dangerjayne

Snowing....

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Freud loooved cocaine. He had a friend with a morphine addiction, and he thought giving the guy cocaine would cure him.

It did not.

dongtouch

Oh Goddess....

Gaius Julius Caesar was a huge player. He slept with at least one women in every town he visited according to his soldiers. He slept with the queen of Egypt. He slept with his rival's (Cato the Younger's) sister. He also slept with a mother and her daughter (not at the same time). This was fitting as he claimed descent from Venus, the goddess of love and lust.

LalitaNyima

Harry Cheeks....

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The great magician Houdini once escaped a prison cell while fully nude as to not hide anything to escape. However what the guards failed to check was that he hid a skeleton key in his butt checks.

Reddit

The Goth Way. 

Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein (who also popularized gothic literature), used to meet up with her future husband, poet Percy Shelley, at the cemetery where her mother was buried. They would meet up and have angsty sex on her mother's grave bc she was goth as hell.

Moreover, Frankenstein was inspired by her fascination with reanimation, the idea of bringing something dead back to life. When she learned about this idea, she was obsessed with the idea of bringing back her baby who died days later after being born, thus sparking the idea of the monster of Frankenstein.

ms_s7

A way out....

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A bit late to the party, but....

During WW1, sex workers in Britain were more expensive if they had STD's. This was because if a soldier hired them and got infected, the soldier could be honorably discharged, and not have to fight in war.

KaleBrew

The River Flow

Ancient Egyptians believed the god Atum created the universe by masturbating, and that the ebb and flow of the Nile corresponded to how much he came. To honor this, the pharaohs ceremonially masturbated into the river.

-weef

Kinky Victor. 

Probably said here elsewhere, but Victor Hugo (author of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, among other tales) was a notorious philanderer who had affairs on top of affairs with sex workers throughout his life.

When he died, ALL of the brothels in Paris had to close because so many of them attended his funeral.

JLWilco

Heard he also would write naked, and ask someone to keep his clothes outside the door so he'd continue writing.

And this kinky granddad was visiting brothels waaaaaay into his old age. Heard that he had a mark in his diary for each sort of visit?

KatyG9

Liberty for Who?

Patrick Henry (the American founding father better known for his quote, "give me liberty or give me death") kept his wife imprisoned in a cellar because of her frequent outbursts due to postpartum depression. His wife had eventually died in that cellar, and he had buried her in an unmarked grave. 10/10 quote but the wife killing part always seems to get left out of history texts.

sortatoxic

Bottoms Up....

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Pyotr Tchaikovsky was a submissive bottom.

In one note, never before published in Russian or English, Tchaikovsky wrote of a young servant "with whom I am more in love than ever", adding: "My God, what an angelic creature and how I long to be his slave, his plaything, his property!"

lookingforstranger

In French....

I'm sorry but my source is in French, I can translate the beginning : King Louis XIV anal fistula

"The anal fistula of king Louis XIV is one of the many illness that king Louis XIV had suffered. It was his surgeon Charles-François Félix which carried the surgery successfully in 1686 after the development of a particular tool and a training on a dozen of indigents. The recovery of the king had a considerable impact in France and in Europe, and gave place to numerous civil and religious ceremonies in the kingdom."

Ulzaf

Sessions. 

Not hidden in his home country, but not known by the rest of the world though, is the fact that H.C. Andersen left a mark in his diary, every time he choked the chicken. Sometimes with a little note on the side, with his thoughts about the "session".

Millum2009

Dirty Diana....

Princess Diana and her "Le Gadget" - a sex toy that she carried around with her when she went on diplomatic trips. She had even shown a table of foreign officials her toy as a prank on numerous occasions. She also believed it brought her good luck, one time she forgot to bring it with her and actually asked a body guard to go back to the hotel to fetch it for her.

Edit: Ok just checked and she apparently left it all the way back in the UK while on a trip to Nepal (not just at a hotel), and ordered it to be dispatched to the capital Kathmandu.

killerofpain

"Father of Microbiology"

The first thing the "Father of Microbiology," Anton van Leeuwenhoek, put under a microscope was semen. They understood that semen was integral to the creation of life but didn't yet understand the concept of single-cell organisms. He fully expected to see tiny little humans in his specimen.

So yeah, the first thing he did was fondled himself on a slide and look at it.

catattheritz

Forget the Apples....

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George Washington had severe hemorrhoids, to the extent that he couldn't even ride a horse into battle sometimes, and had to be pulled on a cart.

juulsquad4lyfe

REDDIT

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Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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