They leave out so many juicy tidbits when teaching history.
Even when we get into college years, there is still a ton you don't hear about until you're a senior citizen.
There should be a "History: XXX" class.
I had to suffer through World Civ. Geesh.
A little extra naughty goes a long way in education.
So tells us some sassy secrets.
Redditor gosty_the_brave24 wanted everyone to spread a little history.
So they asked:
"What's an NSFW facts about a historical figures that we don't learn in school?"
This thread maybe slightly inappropriate for readers under 17. So NC-17
Educational, but inappropriate.
Clothes Off
Shaking Cold Weather GIF by funkGiphy"Victor Hugo wrote in the nude as a form of motivation. He was a horrible procrastinator so he would lock himself in a room and have his clothes taken as encouragement to get his work done (because he was cold). When he was finished, he'd get his clothes back."
retro-petro
How Wonderous
"Wonder Woman was created by a polyamorous man who was (a) a feminist, (b) a kinkster, and (c) living with two bisexual women. Wonder Woman was influenced by at least one of his wives, and started as a very overt, kinky, empowering sex symbol for women, and was nearly cancelled because of how explicitly she was being depicted. It's supposed that her rope of truth was partly inspired by rope play in BDSM."
ray25lee
Zelda Lies
"F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife, Zelda, told him that the way he was built, he would never please a woman. He confessed this to Hemingway in a French bar, and Hemingway told him to meet him in the bathroom where he looked at Fitzgerald's penis and told him he was 'perfectly fine.'"
littleredridinghood6
Ummm...
"Emperor Nero kicked his wife Poppaea to death. He later found a slave boy named Sporus who looked like Poppaea, had him castrated, and kept him as his wife. After the death of Nero, Sporus was taken by Nymphidius Sabina, who treated Sporus as his wife. But Sabina was murdered by his guards when he tried to become Emperor. Sporus was next taken by the Emperor Otho, who had once been married to Poppaea until Nero took her away from him."
"Otho called Sporus Poppaea and took him as his wife. Otho was murdered shortly afterwards. Otho's rival, Vitellius, planned on using Sporus in a reenactment of the Rape of Peroserpina in the Colosseum, but Sporus committed suicide."
FireFlinger
Domino's?
Pizza Pizza Pizza Dancing GIF by Domino’s UK and ROIGiphy"The Boris Yeltsin pizza incident, in which the former Russian leader was found in just his underwear outside the Whitehouse hailing a cab so he could go get pizza... https://www.politico.com/blogs/on-congress/2009/09/yeltsin-drunk-in-his-underwear-hailing-a-cab-021553"
fezwang
I just don't find pizza THAT appealing.
Falling Apart
tales from the darkside 80s GIFGiphy"Herodotus, an ancient Greek Historian once stated that female mummies who passed away in Ancient Egypt were found more decomposed than male mummies. The reason being was that the females were kept at home for longer periods of time before sent for embalming to prevent necrophilia."
Icarithan
It did not work...
"Not quite a historical figure but John Pemberton, the inventor of Coca Cola, did so because he was chronically addicted to morphine and was trying to get off of it. Original ingredients were cocaine (famously), sugar, alcohol, and caffeine. He was trying to supplant his other addiction. It did not work."
Nightjar82
"So another thing about Pemberton that I learned very recently was that he served as a Lieutenant Colonel in the Confederate army during the Civil War. His morphine addiction you were talking about was actually something he developed after being stabbed with a sword during a battle."
TylerD1528
In Public
"John Quincy Adams boasted that outdoor sex was an American invention. Between that, his pet alligator, and a life spent in public service (literally from his teenage years until his death), probably far more interesting than most people who've held high office in the USA."
Bowmore34yr
"Also swam nude in the Potomac, daily, when he was president."
costabius
Build It
"The new UK monarch King Charles III great-great-grandfather Edward VII was so obese that he commissioned a french carpenter to build a chair that would enable him to have sex with one or two people at once. It is called the siege d'amour and was installed at his favourite brothel."
haveasliceofpizza
Oh Mary
frankensteins monster frankenstein GIFGiphy"The author of Frankenstien lost her virginity on her mother's grave."
Unique_Finance_2358
"In the version I saw, her father didn't approve of the relationship, so she told him she was visiting her mother's grave to avoid suspicion and then met her guy there for sexy time."
Agitated_Ad7576
Well that is a whole lot of mess. Goodness.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
"What's the most f**ked up thing someone has told you about themselves after barely getting to know them?"
Not At All The Same Thing!
"Visited a coffee shop for the first time on holiday."
"Barista commented on my tattoos."
"I said thank you."
"She told me she's not allowed to get tattoos but she cuts herself to enjoy the pain and that's nearly the same thing."
"I found a different coffee shop for the rest of the holiday."- kyridwen
You Meet All Kinds Of People
"Stuck driving a coworker out to a remote gas plant to do a system install."
"He was kinda f*cked up but assumed it was just socially awkward IT way."
"Nope."
"He starts telling me about him and his dad collecting nazi memorabilia and how proud he was of his German grandparents."
"Trying to make other small talk and he would just trail off answering questions and start singing to himself."
"Thought for sure I’d end up on the news and a manhunt would be conducted."
"Second best story, met the neighbor right after we moved in and she started telling me about them wanting another kid but doing the deed was hard because she was overweight and had bad knees and it just made it difficult."
"I’m a guy who never met her and have my kids playing mere feet away so I can’t call her batsh*t crazy." - Reddit
There Is Such A Thing As Too Much Coffee
"A customer explained to me the benefits of a coffee enema to heal everything from my acne to preventing cancer."
"I couldn't get her to leave me alone for an hour because it was dead and no one was there to help."
"I worked for a skincare counter in a department store."
"Like if you don't need my products because cleaning your butt with coffee fixes it, why are you here?"
"But she went on about how she started her kids on these and did their enemas until they could do theirs on their own."
National Coffee Day GIFGiphy"What?"
"Then she also grabbed my hands and kept saying promise me you'll try it."
"Promise me."
"She left after I promised."
"No, I didn't try it." - Reddit
Makes You Value What You Have
"Had to get my picture taken for a visa so went to a local photography shop that took the pictures and printed them out for you right there."
"I had been talking to the guy as he worked on other people's photos and when I finally got my picture taken he started opening up about his family."
"Apparently his son was killed 3 years ago in a car accident and he was telling me how much I reminded him of his son, going to school for engineering, 1st generation college student etc."
"The son was killed in his senior year so didn't even get to graduate, he even showed me pictures it was heartbreaking."
"To make things worse he said he had a degenerative muscular disease and doctors had given him about 2-3 years before he'd be bed ridden."
"He then went on to say his daughter was taking care of him and how she isn't married yet and deserves to live a young persons life and man, it really put into perspective how bad some people have it."
"I still think about that guy to this day and hope he's doing well."- EA721
Don't Be So Sure Of Who You Can Trust...
"I made the unfortunate mistake of inviting my old neighbor over when we were having a party."
"He had like five gins in my kitchen and confessed to an unsolved murder in Nunavut, Canada."
"He's in jail."- _HossBonaventureCEO_
It Takes Courage To Ask For Help
"Moved to a neighborhood not to long ago."
"First person I meet was an older woman in her 50s."
"She told me all about her drug use and how sometimes she ends up outside naked and asked if I would help her back inside and put clothes on her."
"This was all in 5 minutes of saying hello."- Horribleheadaches
homer simpson lawn GIFGiphyAn Unexpected Family
"Sat on an Amtrak across from a very sweet older man, who within twenty minutes was telling me about the purpose of his trip to Maryland."
"To meet his biological father, who he had discovered via 23andMe, to discuss changing his last name, which was the condition of becoming the sole inheritor of his father’s estate."
"And that he was feeling a little guilty about that because his three half sisters would be excluded from their father’s will because he 'finally had a legacy.'”
"Woof."
"He disembarked twenty minutes later, and I have thought about it constantly for the following four years."- mom_jean
No Better Truth Potion Than Alcohol...
"Bartender for awhile."
“'I’m here to meet a man to cheat on my husband with'.”- Oh_Archie
Some people just have that way about them, that leads all those who meet them to think they will be fast friends.
Often leading to a bit too much information on a first meeting.
And yet they wonder why you never want to hang out?
"What's the dumbest way you've gotten a scar?"
Someone's Got Issues...
"My cousin scratched my face because I was very ill and everyone was taking care of me."
"So she got jealous and nobody noticed for a long time because they were focussed on getting my temperature back to normal."- notmytype_xoxo
Partying A Little Too Hard...
"I was headbanging my hair dry in the bathroom, I hit the counter."
"I was 8."- calamityjane515
Tried To Get Ripped, But Only Got Cut...
"I was in middle school and we were going to see 'Coach Carter' in theaters with the boys b-ball team."
"Middle school me was PUMPED."
"While in the shower I thought 'Coach Carter' eh, I bet they do push ups in that movie'."
"Imma do push ups right now'."
"Tried to do a wall push up."
"Slipped, smacked my face on the edge of the tub, and split my upper lip open from mouth to nose."
"Needless to say, did not make it to the movie."- lovesbreadtakesdumpz
Yoga Push Up GIF by YOGABODYGiphyTighter Squeeze Than Anticipated...
"I was trying to squeeze between 2 cars."
"One of the cars must have had a jagged bumper because it sliced a 2 inch gash in my leg."- Carsto_2
The Dangers Of Potty Training
"I got hit on the bridge of my nose by a ceramic toilet seat when I was learning to pee like a big boy."
"Now I think about it, that's probably the best outcome there."- Oddball_bfi
Pain In The Name Of Cleanliness
"I used a pressure washer on my foot."- polish-polisher
Limpeza Faxina GIF by WAPGiphyThey Warn You Not To Play With Needles
"Fir needle cut me across the wrist while playing hide and seek out in the woods."
"A fir needle!"- wunderbraten
Happy Birthday Indeed...
"For my 8th birthday, a classmate got me something like a 'grow your own stalagmite' kit you could buy at educational stores."
"Apparently, the purpose was to add water to some powder material, and use a funnel in the kit to drip it down to make your own cave features."
"Exciting, I know."
"Anyway, I kept it and the other birthday presents I got in a cardboard box in my room."
"Evidently, at some point, moisture got into the box and the plastic the powder was in, and it began expanding."
"Having nowhere else to go, the 'stalagmite' material oozed its way out through the narrow slits in its box, and hardened into razor sharp edges."
"I found this out quite bloodily when I put my hand into my birthday box to grab another toy, and pulled it out with permanently altered fingerprints on my thumb, index, and middle fingers."- Dahhhkness
Good Thing They're Now Mostly Obsolete
"Boys from my class were throwing CDs like you throw frisbee."
"One of those hit me right between the eyes."
"Still got a small scar there."- Domoradzka
cd spinning GIF by Anthony AntonellisGiphyReady Or Not, Here I Come!... Or Not...
"Playing man hunt."
"Some idiot made the camp fire area base."
"I was running for my life to get there, jumped this huge pile of fire wood, tripped over something and rolled right into the fire"
". It could've been SO much worse, but I only burned my elbow and some of my hair."
"It's been probably 15 years and the scar is only about 3inches long and 1 wide."- jwolfe728
Scars are a lingering reminder, often of things we would rather forget.
But seeing as they won't go away anytime soon, all we can do is own them.
For at the end of the day, all scars, be they from fighting in battle or simply falling over your own to feet, should be worn proudly.