Just because something is considered "normal" doesn't mean we have to do it.
Resisting that normal can be a battle, though, because people love to argue with you when you resist or disagree which is exactly what happened here.
Reddit user fuzziblanket asked:
"What is something considered to be ‘normal’ by society that you refuse to do?"
In my world, the "normal" thing I outright refused to do was straightening my hair. Growing up, my texture was considered "pelo malo" (bad hair) and I was expected to blow dry, flat iron, relax or otherwise straighten it.
I resisted that straightening my whole life, preferring my poofs, my frizz and my fluff.
Adult me ended up vindicated AF when I learned how to take care of my hair. Psh. Pelo malo where? My curls are dope.
Resistance may or may not work out awesomely for these people, but here's the stuff Reddit is passionately protesting and the arguments that ensued in the comments about it.
Wedding Woes
"Sacrifice a down payment on a house for a wedding."
- BlackLotus8888
"My wife and I had a very small wedding on a beach with only our parents there. Then, we drove to a mountain and hiked to the top with our photographer for our first dance."
"It was incredible and people keep telling us they wish they could’ve done something that simple but social pressures made them spend more."
"Now, we’ve just had to spend more than the entire cost of our wedding just to buy the plane tickets to attend my sister’s big wedding."
- Giygas
"I felt this way for a long time, but my partner is the youngest of 5 siblings and the family has never had a wedding or proper family function (outside of casual holidays). Even his parents eloped!"
"Our initial plan for a small backyard wedding kept growing and growing as logistics got more difficult: renting a tent, tables, chairs, tablecloths, place settings, port-o-potties, building a viable dance floor for the backyard."
"With 2 big families, our minimum headcount was higher than we'd like. Annnnd with a bigger headcount, you either pay for a venue or save a mere grand for the stress of building your own venue and dealing with thrice as many vendors 😅"
"We've still had a ton of reservations about the cost (wedding is in June), but recently learned that some family members on his side are in very poor health and not long for this world."
"Soon as we learned that, the cost didn't seem as important as having the first formal family reunion in 75 years."
"We've joked straight through that a wedding is not about the couple getting married, and it seems truer than ever. Humbled to provide the opportunity to celebrate with everyone and to get real family portraits."
"It definitely isn't the choice for everyone."
- dropsofzeus
GiphyCeleb Drama
"Give a shit about celebs."
"Sometimes they're fun to talk about for like 5 minutes but other than that? Aren't they just people? I don't get it."
- CoffeeAndPizzaRolls
"Before last weekend, I had no idea Will Smith and Will Smith’s wife had an open marriage.”
- good_god_lemon1
"Thank you for keeping his wife's name out your f*cking mouth."
- sneakywalrus69
"Yes. People are flabbergasted when I’m not informed on the latest celebrity news and honestly I just don’t see a reason to keep up with it."
- Appropriate_Lecture7
Forbidden Friendships
"Forbidding my (straight male) partner to spend time with female friends."
"He's a grown-ass man; he should know how to hold healthy boundaries. It shouldn't be on me to keep him from cheating. If he's really gonna fall into the pants of the first girl I leave him alone with, she can have him."
"Similarly, blaming someone else for my partner's failings, and/or trying to 'win back' someone who doesn't want me."
"He's a big boy who can make his own choices (even bad ones), and I want a partner who wants to be with me, not someone I had to talk into staying."
"For the record, my dudeman of 20 years is awesome, so this is working out pretty good for me so far."
- sasstoreth
Calm Down, Rihanna
"Work myself to death."
"Use your vacation days. Your sick days. Take your dog out. Hang out with the family."
"Even if you're alone like me - Go do something you like."
- Onautopilotsendhelp
"I've had more than one boss say, 'All yall want to do is come to work for a paycheck,' isn't that the point?"
- OutsidePrior2020
"My dad just scolded me because I was unwilling to put in 60+ hrs/week at a new salaried job by saying 'I've worked 70/hr since I was out of college!' "
"Yeah dad, that's probably why you missed every important life event and smoke a juul at age 57."
- AscendingAgain
"Two months ago, my dad died. He had cancer and had had it for like a year."
"I told my work over and over again that he was really sick. I work in an office and am on a computer all day. I have a company-supplied laptop. I have the ability to work from home, but I was not allowed to do so because I was an hourly employee.”
"I told them that his condition was worsening. I live five hours from my parents. They refused to accommodate me, even when I offered to work every day from my parents house, just so I could be with him."
"They said 'well maybe when the situation gets more dire.' ”
"I tried to apply for FMLA (I think that’s the right acronym) and I wasn’t eligible because I was hourly and hadn’t been there for a year yet, despite the circumstances. A week before he died I told my boss that it was almost time and I might have to take off work."
"They were not concerned and told me as long as I got my work done and didn’t miss deadlines. I took the day he died off work—I just had a bad feeling, and was packing to go see him when he passed."
"I told my work and they don’t have bereavement leave. So I offered to work remotely during this period and again they refused. Again, I have a 'good job' working at a huge corporation, in an office; my job requires a degree."
"I was forced to use all of my sick time and some of my PTO so I could attend his funeral and help my mother with arrangements."
"And I'm stuck here because I can't afford to quit without something else lined up. I've been looking. They obviously don't see us as humans."
"You don’t owe your company anything. I would give anything to go back and time and quit, just to spend the last few weeks with my dad."
"Whatever company you work for doesn’t care about you, only about how much you make them. Don’t worry about screwing them over or anything because at the end of the day, you could die and they would consider it a small inconvenience."
- fathleen
GiphyToxic
"Talk to toxic family members."
- cellcube0618
"I seriously can't grasp this."
"Why do I need to keep someone who is toxic in my life? Because they're family? F*ck no."
- melindypants
"Been four years since I talked to anyone in my birth family except my older sister (who I talk to almost everything day). It’s been amazing."
- RTheD77
"This. So much this."
"I recently cut all toxic family members out of my life and I don't think my life's ever been this peaceful."
- ThatMuslimGamer
Charity(?)
"Recording yourself doing an act of charity or a good deed in general. Completely devalues it the second you hit post."
- yzmasmomi
"My main counter point to this is that it at least allows some form of positive news within a negatively saturated medium."
"It's a bit of a virtue signal, but it still has a positive impact on the individual and supports a trend of doing good, even if there's a bit of narcissism mixed in."
- Toiletchan
" 'A good deed bragged about is a selfish deed.' "
- SekMemoria
"I’m conflicted about this."
"It definitely feels gross when someone is just doing something charitable for likes on TikTok."
"But when you look at people like Bill and Melinda Gates, they do all of their charity work VERY publicly (and transparently.) I don’t think that devalues the act of saving hundreds of thousands of lives."
- thepixelpaint
"It doesn’t defeat the purpose to the person receiving the kindness."
- cleanyourkitchen
"They also don't consider how their public act of 'charity' might be humiliating for the recipient. Maybe the recipient doesn't want the whole world to know how poor they are."
- beatissima
"Actually studies show people are more likely to do good deeds after seeing others do them, so recording it and posting it actually adds value because it encourages more people to do good things."
"I don't see how it would devalue it in any case because whoever was helped by the charity isn't somehow less helped just because the helper got some kind of attention for it. The value is in the deed itself, not the inner motivations of whoever did it."
- DeseretRain
24/7
"The need to be available 24/7, i.e. always having your phone on you."
"I like going for long walks and leaving my phone at home. I don't feel guilty for missing texts or calls, it's just stressful being expected to be available all hours of the day."
- The_Fireblasted
"Oath. It's like some people think owning a phone means you signed a contract stating you will always answer or reply."
"B*tch please, this is just a tool, I will use it as I see fit."
- Shaboogan
"I feel that. But I also can’t shake the fear of getting injured or stranded somewhere with no way to get help."
"I guess that’s a holdover from the dim dark past (2005ish) when I would have a car break down and have to knock on a stranger’s door to ask to use the phone."
- twcsata
"I keep my phone on me wherever I go in case I drop dead suddenly anywhere other than my apartment."
"I turn off all notifications routinely for social media anyway. (I'll see your post/comments when I feel like it, dammit) Also, since I'm old, I'd need the phone to call for help if I fell & broke a hip or something 😅"
- Altruisticpoet3
"I'm puzzled that people aren't aware that you can silence the phone, or even turn it off if you're so inclined."
"Hell, put it into Airplane Mode!"
"Never know if you're going to need to call 911, or get that one in a million opportunity to snap a photo of that thing you like, or any other numbers of things phones can do that don't involve calls."
- Brew78_18
GiphyKids
"I don't understand why anyone gives people crap for not wanting kids."
"Some people already raised their siblings, or some people already know they won't be good parents."
"It takes a lot of self-reflection and inner work to be a good parent; especially if you didn't have a great upbringing yourself. And those who just want to live their lives 'selfishly' who cares?"
"They wouldn't be good parents either.. making the kid always feel like a burden because they held them back. So if you don't want kids.. you're better off not having them anyway."
"I'm a mom and I'm all for letting people do whatever they want with their lives. And it's none of our business why they choose it."
- TraumaQueen37
"Thank you for understanding. Telling someone(especially a parent) that I dont want to have kids is like asking to get shot at."
"I just never understood why people want to be respected for their choice to have kids but these are the same people who cant give the same amount of respect to someone who doesn't want kids."
"People like you are so rare who actually are respectful of people's choices of not wanting kids."
- Objective_Magazine_3
"My thought has always been that it shouldn't be that having kids is the default and choosing not to is the lesser option."
"You should have reasons TO want kids. People should have to defend their reasoning for wanting to bring more people into the world, to put that responsibility on themselves for the rest of their lives."
"It shouldn't be an easier decision than what kind of car you buy. If it was 'don't have kids unless you really want them' vs 'everybody should have kids unless you really don't want to and even then you probably should' we'd have a lot fewer kids in foster care, in abusive homes, on the streets, in jail, etc. etc."
- nobleland_mermaid
Mundane Moments
"Bore other people with photos of everyday stuff they see all the time anyway. For example, the meal I am going to eat, the shoes I bought, the place I am at."
- Stendhal-Syndrome
" 'I must remember to tell everyone about this banana.' *snap "
- Shanda_Lear
"Yup, this is the kinda stuff that makes social media largely a meaningless void."
- Available_Job1288
The Big City
"Live in a city."
"I was born in a large city, lived there until I was 11. Then moved to the woods. I’ve lived in the woods since then and although I have visited cities since, I could never live there."
"Too many people, too much noise and I just don’t feel comfortable. I feel more comfortable taking walks at night in the woods than I would in a city."
- BuffaloInCahoots
"Funnily enough, I'm the opposite."
"I grew up in the woods and now live adjacent to a city (suburbs. housing prices...). I can't imagine moving back to the middle of nowhere after living in a place where things actually exist and I don't need to drive 30 minutes to get to the grocery store."
- bassguy129
"I grew up in the suburbs and I will never live there."
"Endless stretch of soulless subdivisions. Cookie cutter houses. Parking lots twice as big as the building they serve. Every time I visit my parents, I swear I die inside."
"I live in the city now. I can walk nearly everywhere. The reason most cities are so loud is the cars suburbanites drive around in the city. Where I live, it's peaceful at night."
- AscendingAgain
"I was born and raised in LA. Then at 16, my parents moved us to Tahoe."
"It took me five years to escape and I still have nightmares about mountain people, and being snowed in away from society."
"I feel safest in a city full of people that come from all walks of life as opposed to a few who live in isolation their entire lives."
- Bitingtoys
"I'll never understand why people want to sit in traffic or live in cramped housings that is stupidly expensive."
"I live an hour and a half from the city it's close enough to visit for events and hospitals and the like, but it's also completely unappealing to live there."
"Bless the people that do like. It keeps where I live empty."
- Relevant_Poet_7670
GiphyRather be anonymous
"Upload pictures of yourself online"
- DCJustSomeone
"I never understood that level of exposure to strangers on the internet becoming a norm."
"It's okay to just be a name or username on the internet, you don't owe it to anyone to use a selfie as a profile picture etc. Anonymity is one of the perks of being online."
"Not to mention in the case of minors for example, being allowed to post pictures of themselves on social media invites a whole different kind of trouble."
"Nah. I'm happy being a little crazy avatar or a picture of my favourite game/anime character anywhere I go online."
- Shi-Rokku
Shush
"Hang out in a social setting where the music is so gawdam loud that you have to scream at the person next to you to communicate."
- Capnreid
"I've now reached the age where if I'm going out in the evening, one of my first criteria for selecting the venue is how much drapery, napery and carpeting they have to absorb ambient noise so I can actually hear what my goddamned friends are saying."
- purrcthrowa
"I hate loud music and I honestly don't understand how people can tolerate it and enjoy it. It is like the soundwaves are assaulting your ears."
- Cute_little_person
"There is a bar in Manhattan called Burp Castle. It’s styled after Trappist monks. If you talk too loud the staff and everyone else shushes you. It’s amazing!"
- isocor
Be Quiet Tim And Eric GIFGiphyAvoid a car payment
"Going in debt $30k-$70k for a vehicle."
- So_Gnaar
"I completely agree. I make nearly $200k a year and drive a jeep that I bought for $9k 4 years ago."
"Car payments have a huge opportunity cost and can really hold you back on the path to wealth."
- narutard6
"I got my 02 rav4 for $2500 tax tag title right before pandemic. My previous car was a 04 Scion XA I paid 8.5k for and drove for 10 years."
"A car is just a way to get from A to B. I never understood concept of having to drive to a work so you could pay off your car..."
- TheRatsMeow
Being sober
"I don’t drink or do illicit drugs. Alcohol messes with my medication, and pot gives me anxiety. I am a sober person and people often give me shit about it and call me boring."
- TheShining02
"The fact that getting shi*tfaced is more accepted than choosing to be sober is really disturbing."
-rslashdepressedteen
"You’ll find as you get older that’ll disappear. I used to get shit in my early 20s about this constantly."
"Hit 30 and when the topic comes up all I get is surprised murmurs followed by obligatory respect (fake or not, it’s better than the shit people would say when I was younger). Plus EVERYONE loves a sober driver after a long night"
- victory-or-death
"The fact that not putting drugs and alcohol in your system is seen as boring legit scares me."
- krylten
This Is Me Sober Tyra Banks GIF by America's Next Top ModelGiphySo many dishes
"Buy copious amounts of dishes, Why the fuck do you need 27 plates for the two people in your household. Im looking at you mom."
- Pine-Space
"I always thought the same, until someone explained the dish-to-dishwasher capacity ratio to me."
- sebiimaxx
"27 plates means 27 plates you can use before you have to wash plates again. No use wasting a dishwasher load if it isn't full."
- PizzaPapaPepperon
"I have one 4 piece dish set and I’ve been debating buying a fun/fancy one from a thrift store. This comment put me right in my place so thank you."
- liisathorir
"We have like 800 plates some of them came from 14 years ago and we only use the same 4 plates every day"
- YeetusFoeTeaToes
No boss status over here
"Climb up the ladder and be the boss. I could but why."
- WinnieVinegarBottle
"Completely agree. I've moved up in companies and taken supervisor type positions. It always comes with a lot more fuckin headache with not near enough pay or benefit."
"I work for a small company now and the owner/boss is married to the job and I'm just like, no thank you. I'm cool just maintaining my role as just another spoke in the wheel."
- Matdav4bama
"Last month I had this epiphany. I can have an amazing career right where I am at. I don’t have to go to management just because I’m good at what I do. I can be happy as an IC."
- kpidhayny
Excited Season 9 GIF by The OfficeGiphyAvoiding debt
"Credit card debt… like… why?!?!"
"Nah, just kidding, I’m American, I have cc debt"
- NameIsJohn
"I worked really hard to eliminate my credit card debt but the sad fact is I’m one emergency away from going back into debt."
- hairballcouture
"I am 34 and have never owned a credit card. I know that I would immediately go into unmanageable debt and for what, a couple of months of spending without thinking"
- SerMickeyoftheVale
Ahh yes sportsball
"Don't follow sports"
- Natural-Compote477
"My sport loving friends can't understand how I know so little about sports. 'You retain so much knowledge about d&d! How can't you just pick a team?'."
"Because then I'll forget my hard studied lore lmao"
- robotred12
"I am excluded from about 97% of manly man small talk for this reason. But tbh, the older I get, the more I realize idc anyways and I'm glad I'm not talking about it haha"
- waterlogged_ballet
"Man fkn samee"
- Solidsnekdangernodle
"What’s funny about this to me is that I play sports but don’t watch them. While most men I know watch sports but don’t play them. Still get left out of the small talk tho…"
- spirit_noodles
Sarcastic It Crowd GIFGiphyLike literally this
"Use literally when I mean figuratively."
- dgl6y7
"This metaphorically spoke to me on a spiritual level."
- Aegis_et_Vanir
"Or use Ironic when I mean Coincidence"
- Newone1255
Okay, now you've gotten to watch Reddit argue over all the normal things they will and won't be doing. It's your turn to get in the ring.
Is there something considered "normal" that is a hard no for you? Or something that's a no for someone on this list but is absolutely a thing in your world?
Let's keep the argument going in the comments!
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As we get older, cars become less of something that gets us from point A to point B and more of a necessity.
Not only do we need to use cars to get from one place to another, but they also double as storage spaces, private places, and, in the worst of cases, shelter.
Because of their importance in our lives, it's good to have a few things tin your car to keep you prepared. When I got my first car, my mom stocked it with the usual supplies: jumper cables, ice scraper, spare tire, and a roll of quarters. She also added a blanket, a powerful flashlight, and a knife.
While I've never needed to the knife, I was glad to know it was there, and the other items have all come in handy.
I also like to put a change of clothes in my car. You never know when someone will cut you off in the road, making you spill coffee all over your white blouse.
Redditors know there are other important things to always keep in your car, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor Ace-Venturaa asked:
"What’s one item everyone should have in their car?"
Sick Bag
"A barf bucket. Had my dog and my kid both puke in my car. Darn dog couldn't hold the bucket."
– boegsppp
Break Out
"And a small fire extinguisher, and one of those things for breaking windows in case of an accident and the doors don’t open."
– Quick-Oil-5259
"Like, a small fire extinguisher?"
– anon10122333
Safety First...And Always
"First aid kit"
– ApolloApproaches
"In Germany it is required to have a first aid kit, reflective triangles, and reflective vests in every car"
– britishbrick
Super Important
"Some kind of disposable paper like a napkin, kleenex, baby wipes, even an old shop towel. Nothing worse than needing to blow your nose in your car and you have nothing at all to use."
– sbourwest
"A stack of chipotle napkins"
– Avocadofarmer32
"Everyone should have somewhere in their car to store some of that unnecessary amount of napkins fast food places give us."
– AloyTheN0ra
Capture The Moments
"Seriously, a dashcam."
– Sparksman91
"True. Half of having insurance is.. proof."
– A40
"At this point I'm surprised they're not included by manufacturer, or insurance companies don't just pay for them. Even if they're vampires who would never pay a cent they aren't forced to, simply removing all the headache involved in this stuff has to be worth it on their end."
– SigmaBallsLol
"Person backs into your car. Claims you hit them. Dash cam settles it."
"Person claims you ran a red light (when they did), and that's why there was a crash. Dash cam settles it."
"Etc."
"Insurance believes liars the same as honest people - unless there is evidence. Like a dash cam record."
"I bought mine used, $15, two years ago. Once a month or so I check that it's still working. Insurance insurance, and maybe someday it'll see a bigfoot, or a meteor..."
– A40
Back On The Road
"Jumper cables"
– wildling-woman
"Better yet a portable jump starter battery (like the NOCO boost). Those things are amazing. They hold a charge for months in blazing hot or freezing cold temps. They are the size of a brick. And best of all since they attach to the dead battery directly, you don't have to hope your jumper cables are long enough. They also have usb plugs to charge a phone or tablet."
– Tuesday2017
Let There Be Light
"Flash light. They are cheap can be stored for years and take up little space.,It's better to have one and not need it than need one and not have it."
– Euphoric-Beat-7206
"I keep a headlamp instead of a flashlight. That way I can have both hands if I need to change a tire or something."
– Local-Finance8389
Cozy And Warm
"A blanket. Shock from a traumatic injury can cause a sharp drop in body temperature."
– No_Library_5120
"After my bad wreck a few years back, I was in shock and I remember I felt so cold. I had no blanket in my car, nor did anyone else. It was middle of summer in the southern US. I felt like it was winter"
– Katsu_39
Money, Money, Money
"Emergency cash, I keep like $40 usd"
– Dudebrohoe
"If you're going on a road trip, stash enough cash to pay for gas to get back. If you lose your wallet you can still get home."
– banjowashisnamo
"That's a good one. Especially if you lost wallet and phone."
– lolben1
Always
"A licensed competent driver."
– Improvedandconfused
"And a can of pepper spray to take care of annoying backseat drivers."
– sleepyJoesBidet
Make A List
"1- tourniquet. Preferably one inside of a good first aid kid."
"2- glass breaker. In the unlikely event you get stuck in the car as it’s going underwater, a glass breaker / seatbelt cutter combo tool can get you out safely. If you have electric windows, a tiny amount of water can disable the electronic door locks and window buttons, a spring loaded glass breaker will make short work of it. Even if you don’t have a specialized spring loaded glass breaker, something that comes to a sharp point (like a screw driver) that can be used to break the glass out can save your life."
"3- emergency blanket. The Mylar ones that look like aluminum foil cost like 2-3 dollars. If your car breaks down and it’s snowing out, you can use it to stay warm far longer than just running the heater in the car will last. The shiny foil looking side reflects your body heat back at you, and you can use it to trap heat from the car around your body core. The more expensive ones are a little better and less likely to rip, but even the cheap ones are better than nothing. Even if you don’t get an emergency blanket, a normal quilt in the trunk isn’t a bad idea either."
"4- a lighter. A lot of cars come without cigarette lighters now apparently. In an emergency you could try rigging something up using your car battery to start a fire to either stay warm or signal someone. Or you could just flick a bic. Lighters cost 50 cents. It’s not a big investment and it might save your life."
"5- flashlight. This one requires a little more maintenance than everything else I said, as you’ll have to change the batteries every once in a while even if you don’t use it. A cheap 1-2$ LED flashlight can help immensely in a lot of situations. From having a flat and needing to see to change it to locking yourself out of your house, or needing to signal someone for help so you don’t get hit on a highway, or needing to look for a key you drop that bounces under the car or into a ditch. This one can be as simple as a keychain flashlight you put on the car keys. Headlamp is even better because you can either be hands free or use it like a normal flashlight if need be."
– PerInception
Laughing At Clouds
"an umbrella"
– KermitMadMan
"I was beginning to think I didn’t have anything on these lists and finally found one lol"
– Joshifi3d
Absolutely
"I haven't seen anybody mention this but sunglasses. You really don't want to be caught with the full blast of the sun in your eyes while you're driving. It can seriously blind you for long enough for an accident to happen"
– advancedwarlord
I have to go restock my car!
One morning at work, I was having a conversation with a co-worker. The subject was something we had discussed before: me, freaking out about possibly being let go since I was the last one hired and many businesses hadn't recovered the losses they suffered due to COVID.
My co-worker, who had previously just listened to me and offered platitudes, gave me some real advice that morning. The advice had come straight from her therapist.
"Think about your worry and think about if there is evidence to support that worry. If not, you shouldn't worry."
It seems simple, but it really helped me. While many businesses didn't recover, the company I worked for had, meaning there was no reason to worry about my job -- unless, of course, I spent so much time fretting over getting fired that my output suffered.
In an age where mental health is so important, therapists can really help with coping mechanisms, advice, and even your general outlook on life. Redditors know this is true and are ready to share some of the most valuable lessons they've learned in therapy.
It all started when Redditor figinjosejospe asked:
"What's the most valuable thing you’ve learned from therapy?"
Just Walk Away
"Sometimes it has to be YOU who needs to walk away from them. This an advice that was given to me when I had a toxic friendship that was draining me for years."
– JennFoogle
"I learned this lesson two years ago, and I am still struggling with it every day. I had a friend who is an alcoholic and a drug addict but a functional member of society. He would ALWAYS use me as an excuse by saying I am a bad influence on him when it was ALWAYS him doing drugs and just generally being a POS."
"One day he decided to try and sleep with my then spouse in my bed, I caught him, I did not immediately confront them about it but when I did she dumped me because she did not want to hurt his family..."
"Some people just need to go"
– Then_Channel_3234
"I cut off a close friend a few years ago. Long story, but I’m happy I did. Feels like I just took a huge dump."
– Scottland83
The Real Me
"No one sees the version of you that you see of yourself."
– Bazooka_Antics
"Very true! It's one of those "we are our own worst critic" situations. The way I see myself and the way I'm described by others seems dramatically different"
"Good pick!"
– appleparkfive
Just Say No
"I can say, "No" to people who won't accept a no. (100 ways to say "No" was a"homework" assignment.)"
– AQuietMan
"Additionally, "No." is a complete sentence."
"You don't have to justify no."
– coniferous-1
You Fix You
"For me, therapy taught me that my personal issues were my responsibility to fix. Blaming others accomplishes nothing. To improve, you have to take responsibility for things in your control."
– nick_otis
"This so much this! Mine told me “it’s not your fault that these things happened to you but it is your responsibility to make sure you don’t take it out on others”"
– melkyyyy
We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve
"I learned that I don’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate everyone around me at all times. I think I kind of was a pushover before and now I’m getting better at setting boundaries and standing up for myself. Not everyone in my closer circle is happy about this, but now i’m learning that it is also okay to let friendships go. I don’t owe anyone my friendship. Might sound weird, idk. But yeah :)"
– AnotherPeaInThePod
"Oh man. Same. You should have been there for my last family gathering. Me not defaulting to servant/punching back like they were used to led to an all out uproar. The worst part was they took it out on my wife, blamed her for supporting my independence and right to not be used. It's been a while since I've seen most of them now and I had to come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be close with my sister again."
– ironwheatiez
"You teach people how to treat you"
– expert_dogpetter
Be Good To Yourself
"Being kind to yourself is so hard because we’re (older gen maybe a bit more I guess?) taught implicitly for years NOT to do it. It is something new that you are starting against something much worse long established Like every new skill it will take time to develop and that is totally ok"
"Related: Don’t punish yourself for a lapse in “discipline” when trying something new. Take a break (Whether it’s minutes or days or longer) and try again. It’s not a setback, it’s a readjustment to helping build a stronger habit to give the version of you that you want to be a chance. 10 push-ups today might not seem like much but if yesterday was zero, then 10 is a lot."
– ValBravora048
Listen To Your Heart
"It's made me realise just how little I listen to my emotions normally - and that emotions are amoral and can't be rationalized away, they just exist."
"When my therapist asks me how I'm feeling about something, so often I don't know - or I do know the answer, but it feels ugly/mean, so I don't want to admit it, even to myself. Once you clock how often that's happening, you realize why bottling so much stuff up is leading to your general unhappiness/stress."
"Still working on this, but it's surprised me to have that big of a revelation when I thought of myself as being very emotionally mature. (Turns out I can manage everyone else's but not my own)"
– Lordaxxington
Not All My Fault
"That it really IS my brain chemistry and not just a Me Problem."
"Due to circumstances, I had to complete a 10 week program in order to qualify for getting assessed for medications. My first therapist quit after my 9th session, and since she was the only one offering the program at that clinic, I had to start again with another from week 1"
"Both told me that I'm doing everything right, that I know and use all the coping mechanisms, that they can't REALLY help me from thier position and both reccomended I get medicated (tbf I have my own reservations about exactly how much work can really be done in 10 sessions against a life time of Being Like This but that's a whole other issue)"
"But the difference is honestly night and day."
"I can't explain to you the f*cking PEACE I feel now. Not having a melt down due to taking a little bit too long putting change in my purse at the grocery store, not having months of fog with no memory of events, being able to just exist in my body and environment without feeling like I've called doom upon myself for the crime of existing in a space."
"I still have work to do on myself, but oh my God it's so much easier."
– Aware_Bet
But Faaamily!
"You don't HAVE TO like your parents. It's not some sort of requirement."
– 10throwaway123456789
"Jumping off your comment: that your parents are just people you share the planet with and you may not like who your parents are as people and that's okay."
– EmbarrassedBoat9587
"I remember my big breakthrough moment with my therapist was."
""You know both your parents are terrible people right?""
""Well, they have both done bad things, sure.""
""Count the number of good things they have done for you and then the bad things to you""
""...""
""Yeah. You owe them nothing.""
– coniferous-1
You Feel What You Feel
"The more you run from your own feelings, the stronger they get. It’s only through acknowledging and facing your feelings that you’ll be able to work through them. Also, labeling feelings as “good” or “bad” is counterproductive. Your feelings are valid. How you process and express those feelings is what’s important."
– scaryboilednoodles
Best Advice
"Don't accept criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice"
"No one can walk all over you if you don't lay down on the floor for them"
– slynnmart
I wish someone had told me that when I was younger!
I believe good parents are miracle workers.
And I know for a FACT that it is not a job I am capable of doing.
But, based on simple moments I've witnessed, I do believe there are some people I can do better than... if I had to.
Not everyone is born to be a parent.
And the crux of life is that, as a parent, there is no way to save your child from not being a mess somehow.
Case in point...
A recently deleted Redditor wanted to compare notes on parents, so they asked:
"What screams 'I’m a terrible parent?'"
I can't tell anyone how to be a parent.
But I have a few ideas on how to make a few tweaks.
"I'm SUPER fascinated in finding out how this generation of kids who are growing up with cameras in their faces turn out. Seeing as generations tend to do the opposite of how their parents raised them, it’d be funny if the babies born now, completely revolt against all things social media 😅."
WildflowerChickpea
Just Say It!
"Not saying sorry to your kid when you are in the wrong or made a mistake."
SuvenPan
"I used to struggle with this. I became so used to excusing my existence that I became habitually defensive. Admitting that I’m wrong is still a conscious effort for me."
"For my children, I try to model being magnanimous when getting something wrong; if they correct me and they’re obviously right, whether it be with discipline or information, I try to go out of my way to say I was wrong and thank them for telling me. I think I’m doing better? Hard to tell."
darklightner11
Crap Talk
"Talking crap about your ex in front of your kid."
Material_Ambition_95
"There was this woman who would rant about her ex-husband in front of her kids all. the. time. and their faces would look so sad and hurt. You may hate that man but your kids have part of his DNA and they take everything you say to heart. It's a poisonous and manipulative thing to do."
Antidote_to_Chaos
"Adding to that, telling your kid about the 2 fraudulent lawsuits you’re creating against their other parent. And telling them how you’re going to hire a private investigator against the other parent. All while ignoring the child when they tell you 'Don’t talk to me about -other parent- you’re making me uncomfortable.'"
Fluffy-kitten28
That's Funny?
"Filming your child trying to mock them only because 'it's funny' when it's clearly uncomfortable for them, and then post the video on the internet."
arrastre
"I was an assistant manager at Spirit Halloween a couple of years ago and there was a couple there who filmed their clearly terrified young child screaming and crying at the animatronics, and they laughed. It hurt my heart."
carlykerfuffle
"Those videos of kids happily sitting down to blow out birthday candles, and then a pr*ck slams their face in the cake. WTF."
jpr_jpr
Bye Bye Bye
Sport Soccer GIF by Real MadridGiphy"If their kids are older, and want nothing to do with them."
spicy-bae
"Mom screams at me to move out and never talk to her again if she is such a bad mother. I move out and never talk to her again. Surprised Pikachu face."
No_Scale7584
No communication between adult kids and parents, speaks volumes.
Listen Again
No Way Wtf GIF by HarlemGiphy"Defending every action/behavior of your kid without hearing the other party's side. It's obviously natural and important to listen to your child, but you should not be disregarding the fact that your kid can make mistakes and is not perfect."
LeonLunaLola
"Or, for that matter, believing every story you hear about your child, no matter how outlandish it may be."
notthesedays
It's YOU
"When you use your kids as emotional support figures or use them to cover your own irresponsibility. You had a 20-year head-start on your kid, yet they're already more responsible and mature."
Osteo-Malaka-cia
"I just got the image of my dad in my head while reading this. No wonder why I don't pick up that f**ker's phone call. It's unbelievable how someone over 50 y/o can have the financial responsibility of an 8-year-old in a candy shop."
Zahard_Zj
Rude
"Trying to gossip with one of your children about the other one."
LennaPine
"My mother did this with all of her children - me, my sister, and our two older half-brothers from my mom's prior marriages. Before I cut contact with her, she'd call me and would bash my sister for 15-20 minutes."
"Or she'd talk sh*t about one of my older brothers and their wives/children. My sister would mention to me how our mom talked sh*t about me while on a call, etc."
"It's because of that; none of us siblings really communicate with or trust each other. We either fully cut contact with our mom or severely minimized contact."
shaoting
Are You Serious?
"An idiotic name (circa AITA Krxtxl) or anything similar. Any parent I’ve ever seen who does this crap treats their kid like an accessory. iPad/phone parents. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against screen time but there has to be some boundary) I had a child in my last preschool class who literally ONLY spoke in YouTube quotes or video intro styles."
"I had to have him at age 4 permanently removed from my class for hockey fighting a kid and screaming 'It’s a prank f***er.' So yeah... there’s been a lot of varying degrees of screen obsession but that was one of the worst. That and the kid who hit my co-teacher in the face with a poop-filled hand for putting the iPads away for lunchtime."
Sea-Butterscotch383
No Excuses
No Way Smh GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"Parents not punishing their kids. All kids are different and some things might not work but if your child is actively disrespecting a teacher or physically hurting another person and your first thing is to make an excuse."
nope123ee
Parenting ain't easy.
No one said it was gonna be.
And sounds like some of us may need to rethink doing it.
I love unconventional movies and storytellers.
I live for the times when artists and creatives take big chances.
Sometimes those chances pay off and other times... it's a travesty of life.
Yes, I'm dramatic, and so is movie-making!
The WTF aspect.
That is usually born out of big chances.
Whether that moment leaves people thrilled, shocked, or disgusted... that's in the subjectiveness of it all.
It's always a gamble to create.
Redditor MightGuy420x wanted to share thoughts about some of the movies that left our brains and souls puzzled, so they asked:
"What movie had you saying 'What the f**k' the most while watching?"
Movies leave me aghast more often than not.
And endings are never easy.
Last Lines
"Swiss Army Man."
JawlessRegent64
"Isn't 'What the f**k?' also the last spoken line in the film?"
frygod
daniel radcliffe GIF by A24Giphy"Yeah lol, literally. It made me laugh so hard because I'd been saying that for the entire two hours I was sitting on my couch watching it. Never saw that coming from Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe is a strange man lol."
JawlessRegent64
A Midnight Opening
"The most audible 'What the f**k?' I have ever heard from an entire movie theater audience was actually from Pixar."
"It was their short film Bao, I think before Incredibles 2. A woman makes a little baby out of dumpling ingredients, there is a cute montage of them together, and then she eats it without warning."
"It was a midnight opening so the audience was all adults, and yeah nobody saw that coming."
AllBadAnswers
Weird but Funny
"Sorry to Bother You."
MCPanda6969
"I saw this in theaters having absolutely no idea where it was heading (like everyone I think). I must’ve walked out to pee at exactly the wrong time, when I came back I had to double-check it was still the right theater."
drownednotgod
"I freaking love this movie and you're exactly right. There was a point I went from like 'This is a weird one, but it's funny' to 'What in the actual f**k is happening?'"
"What's even better is if you go back and watch, they led you right up until that point. They're always hinting at it, but the protagonist makes everything about him and I think that's why it just hits you out of nowhere."
JackJackensworth
Gross
"Splice."
AnotherBadPlayer
"I feel bad for introducing this movie incorrectly to some friends. I really thought it was going to be some kind of science-fiction drama. And then Adrian Brody mated with it."
ddh85
"Well, that's easy the thing he was f**king was a human-animal hybrid that he raised from birth like a daughter and was made from his girlfriend's DNA the hybrid later changes from female to male and attacks the before-mentioned girlfriend which I guess is technically its own mother."
o_MrBombastic_o
30% Out!!
"Mother!"
GreatTragedy
"We had to refund AT LEAST 30% of the admissions for this movie every day when I worked in a theater. People were leaving the cinema pissed off because of this movie."
RepresentativeName18
jennifer lawrence mother movie GIF by mother!GiphyThat movie makes no sense at all.
Someone explain it to me!
No Light
"Human centipede."
Odd_Adhesiveness4804
"When Roger Ebert reviewed this movie, he gave it zero stars, saying such a movie could exist only in a universe with no light in it whatsoever, and hence there could be no stars in his review of it."
PhuckingDuped
Over It Rose GIF by HULUGiphyJan's Story
"Abducted in Plain Sight."
sodangshedonger
"My mom actually went to school with Jan and her mom was friends with my grandma. I’ve tried to get my mom to watch the show but she has refused because 'I have already had more than enough Jan Broberg in my life.'"
"From what my mom said, I’d take everything the family claims happened (especially Jan’s story about what happened while she was kidnapped) with a grain of salt because Jan was apparently super melodramatic even before the abduction."
"That said, I found the show to be less shocking than most people because their naïveté is incredibly unsurprising for a Mormon family in a small town in the 70s."
ToBeReadOutLoud
Unconvential
"The Lobster."
awakami
"Seriously had no idea what I was getting into. A couple and a dude bailed out of the theater when I saw it."
2ndRook
"The Lobster made me realize I had an unconventional taste for films. It’s my favorite film of all time next to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I tried to make my friends watch it, and they all would bail out mid-film."
areyousureyourealive
"This. What utter f**king bats*it crazy horseshit this movie was."
Tackit286
Hey John...
"'Being John Malkovich' is just one weird thing happening after the other, giving you very little time to process it."
LoopyPro
"I got to see an advanced screening of Being John Malkovich. I knew absolutely nothing about it going in. It was the first time I was ever left so completely speechless by a movie in such a good way."
"I was already in love with the movie before the portal was even introduced. It could have just been a really weird series of set pieces revolving around those bizarre characters interacting in that weird half-floor and puppetry recitals and I would have been happy. Then it gets all metaphysical and kooky... And it did it all so perfectly."
lingh0e
Unreal
"Cats. I was just constantly saying 'What the f**k?' under my breath as I watched it in theaters. I honestly don't remember much of it. It was so incoherent in tone and execution, and weird that it just feels like a fever dream in my memory."
daddydonetomuch
Taylor Swift Dancing GIF by Cats MovieGiphySo many movie WTFs for me are about... "How did THIS find funding?!"
Thank God for vodka.