Non-Asexuals Reactions To The Idea Of An Asexual Significant Other
No two people have the same sex drive.
There are those who simply can't get enough sex, as it is what empowers them and gives them purpose, such as the glorious Samantha Jones of Sex And The City.
Then there are those who could go days, weeks, months, even years without having even the tiniest sexual encounter, but live perfectly happy lives.
The proud asexuals.
Providing it is safe and consensual, there is no right and wrong when it comes to sex.
However, supposing one day two people had a classic Hollywood "meet cute", firmly believing it to be love at first sight, only to discover that one half of this prospective couple is asexual and the other is not.
What would their reactions be?
Redditor BeepBoop372 was eager to learn the answer, resulting in their taking to Reddit to ask:
"Dear non-asexual people: if you were in a relationship with someone and they sat you down and said they are asexual, what would your reaction be?"
There Is Always A Solution
"This actually happened to me."
"My current partner told me about 3-4 years into our relationship that she realized she might be asexual."
"She told me that she'd realized since we'd been together that she'd often used sex as validation or because she thought she was supposed to."
"She'd been coming to the realization for a long time before she told me, and told me she was afraid of how I'd react."
"I'll preface my reaction by saying that we have never been monogamous, so things may have worked out differently if we were."
"I was not totally surprised."
"We tell each other everything, and I'd heard a lot about her previous partners."
"From what I gathered, I was her first long-term partner who wasn't abusive, pushy, or worse."
"I didn't feel like I'd disappointed her or turned her asexual in some way, I knew that she was telling me this because she felt comfortable that I wouldn't freak out or leave her."
"When we'd first started seeing each other I'd gone through a similar experience working up the courage to tell her I'm bi."
"The entire experience made us closer."
'That was years ago now, and we still very much love each other."
"We still have sex occasionally, but she's also fine if I seek it out elsewhere as long as I'm safe, always, and communicative, to a fault."
'Coming out to a partner is always difficult, regardless of what your sexuality is, or isn't."
"It's scary to think the person you love may feel differently about you afterward, but it's better than living a lie and letting it eat away at you."- DuckiesimsHappy Well Done GIF by LaffGiphy
Just be Upfront
"i've been on a date with an asexual guy."
"He told me 1 hour into the date."
"I had nothing but respect for straight up telling me."
"I said I want sex to be a part of a relationship, he respected my choice and we had a great date."
"We were friends for long after that."- kaascheesefromage
Nope, Not Going To Work...
"Wish them well, find someone who shares my interests."- tacit_urn
"This actually happened to me."
"He was so much fun, that sex ultimately did not matter."
"We had 8 years together before he went I search of new adventures, but we stayed friends until his death."
"I still miss him."- Dang_It_All_to_HeckAlicia Silverstone Flirting GIFGiphy
An Insurmountable Hurdle
"I’ve been there."
"College boyfriend after about a year of dating told me that he thought he was asexual."
"We had been having sex until then, and it made me feel awful thinking that he might’ve not wanted to the entire time."
"I felt bad 'making' him do that."
"It was always consensual, but I was worried he only did it because he felt he had to."
"Some people can make a relationship without sex work, but this is what I personally did not want."
"I never shamed him for his lack of sexuality, but it made navigating the relationship more challenging."
"That relationship went on for at least another year, but ended up failing for a few reasons."
"I’m quite sexual, so that became a compatibility issue."
"We did not have sex thereafter."
"He was kind of a controlling person, (not because he is asexual)."
"He would make me feel ashamed for getting turned on or, god forbid, pleasuring myself."
"He also guilted me in staying with him despite the lack of any sexual compromise."
"He basically said that if I really loved him for him we would stay together."
"And I did love him a lot at the time, so that is why I stayed."
"I know now that sex is important to me, and really it is nice to be intimate with someone and to feel wanted in that way."
"I felt ugly for the longest time because any time I brought up this issue, I would either be rejected, ouch, or shamed for wanting anything sexual."
"We were both pretty young in this relationship."
"If I were in a relationship like this now, after some more relationship experience, I would have tried to have a clearer discussion about my needs."
"In all, I hope that if anyone else finds themselves in this situation, ie with a partner that realizes they’re asexual, that you can have a serious conversation and decide if this is enough of a compatibility issue to stop seeing each other or make a compromise to match both of your needs."- Silverhimekate hudson breaking up GIFGiphy
It Can Have Its Advantages
"Wow this is weird, this actually happened to me the other day."
"My partner came and told me she is asexual."
"We talked through what that meant to her and basically she's not anti-sex, in fact she enjoys it, she just has almost no independent interest in sex, and almost no attraction or sexual desire towards people."
"So, after checking that she was still happy with the way things are and she wouldn't prefer some alternative arrangement, we basically just agreed to continue as we have been throughout the relationship up to this point."
"Boring I know, sorry."
"In fact it made me feel more free to pursue my own kinks and desires, since sex is now something she mostly does because she wants to make me happy I feel less bad making it about my wants."- cdwols
Sex is always a very personal issue.
With that in mind, someone with a high sex drive simply might not be able to make a relationship work with an asexual person.
Though opposites do attract, which can include two people with highly opposing views and needs towards sex.
For at the end of the day, there's no ignoring a connection.
Everyone in life has a bully or six to face.
Even the bullies have bullies.
And sometimes the bully is in the mirror.
Now I know we're supposed to only use our words when standing up to our bullies.
But that is not always the most ideal form of defense.
Words can work.
Sometimes words can cut like knives leading us to victory.
And sometimes words aren't sufficient as we've learned from Reddit.
Redditor KiLLz_Smanrx7 was hoping people would open up about dealing with bullies, so they asked:
"People who fought back against bullies, what caused it and how badly did the bully get hurt?"
I can't remember my bullies.
I think that's the best recourse.
For my SisterA Christmas Story GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"I think I was about 10. He'd been bullying me and my sisters for a couple of years. He tried to sneak up on my sister on the bus. He stretched out his hand like he was going to pull her hair or something. I made a fist, swung it backwards and him in the eye. He cried."
"Little bit of backstory first. We were playing tackle the carrier. I was a fourth grader, and I tackled a sixth grader, and he got pissed off and started to kick me."
"I let it happen a few times a teacher was literally looking right at me. After about the fourth time I grabbed his leg and lifted. He fell backwards then I punched him in the face twice. He only got a bloody nose and shattered pride. We each got suspended for three days. My mom was pissed at the school after they told the story to her. Then when she watched the footage, she asked me in front of the principal if there was a new game I wanted."
"Principal was mad but my mom said 'I never teach my boys to start anything. But when the teacher refused to end it he did by defending himself.' Best three day weekend ever. P.S. we were related threw marriage and he got in huge trouble with his convict dad for getting beat up by a little kid."
"For some reason this kid had it in his head that he could beat me up. I’ve no idea why, or where his assumption came from but he wanted a fight with me to prove he could. I couldn’t care less if he could or couldn’t. It simply didn’t interest me."
"For a week or more he would goad me on the school bus with things like 'who do you think would win in a fight?' Etc. I was having none of it, I wasn’t interested in fighting anyone and I didn’t care what he or anyone else thought on the matter."
"He squared up to me several times off the bus trying to get me to fight with him and I just kept telling him to leave me alone and kept walking away."
"After several days of this and him getting nowhere, as I was walking away chatting with my friend, he ran up behind me and punched me on the back of my head."
"I very calmly asked my friend to hold my bag for me. I walked up to the kid, grabbed hold of him, tripped/threw him to the ground, punched him once in the face/eye, stood up and I walked away. I said nothing. Walked back to my friend, collected my bag and continued walking."
"I didn’t see this kid for a few days, and he unsurprisingly he left me alone after that."
"Little league football - I was in 6th - brother in 4th grade - his bully in 5th. He intentionally tried to hurt my brother during practice - so I took off running - jumped in the air, went horizontal and landed my cleats in his chest. He lost his breath for a minute or so. I ran laps for many minutes. Bully no longer bothered little brother."
One PunchI Win Take That GIF by Film RiotGiphy
"Early high school, was going between classes getting something out of my locker. He shoved my head into my locker and without hesitation I turned around and punched him square in the chest as hard as I could. That was enough to get him to stop."
What is the stuffing the locker obsession?
Say SorryLaugh At Ha Ha GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"I saw a guy my age bullying a younger kid, so I got the entire bus to point at him at say 'bully, bully' over and over. He ended up crying."
"Problem was, my mom and his mom were friends, so my mom took me over to his house and made me apologize to him, so it wouldn't be awkward between her and his mom."
The Last Day
"In high school i was bullied for a few years (mainly calling names, making 'jokes' and messing with my stuff). I used to never do anything back."
"Then at some point I got angry, turned around (he was standing behind me) and punched him in the face, giving him a bloody nose."
"That was also the last day I got bullied."
"In hindsight i think i mostly got picked on by him because i never did anything back and he did not want to risk any pushback. (Who says violence never solves anything?)"
"The one that comes to mind is the one kept trying to trip me. I finally called him on his sh*t and he slapped me which set me off. I body-slammed him and jumped on him. I got called to the office with my parents, and they wanted to suspend me but every other student that witnessed it stuck up for me and said it was self-defense and I got off with in-school suspension. The dude avoided me for the rest of our time in school."
A Strong Kick
"Two guys in high school tried to do the 'tabletop' move (one gets on all fours and the other pushes you). I stepped on the hand of the guy on the ground when I stepped back. Realized what was happening. Kicked him with kind of a horse kick while still stepping on his hand, and then fastballed the 20 oz bottle of Coke I was holding at the other guy’s head as hard as I could and ran away. They were both on the ground reeling."
Let's WrestleWrestle The Elite GIF by All Elite Wrestling on TNTGiphy
"Dude knocked my pizza out of my hand at lunch, so I took a running start and kicked him the gut. He got up and started to try to wrestle with me, while my friend tried break us up. All in all it lasted maybe 10 seconds, nobody hurt."
Never touch the pizza.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Whether it's being part of a congregation or an academic sports team, communities are important because they allow people to have a sense of purpose and belonging.
While some may prefer having their own space, eventually, they'll want to have some sort of interaction with others.
But when there isn't a group representing like-minded people, those feeling dejected and isolated find each other to form their own communities.
However, there are some groups that are comprised of bitter individuals and engage in activities with nefarious intentions under the guise of fellowship.
Curious to hear what these groups might be that are hidden in the shadows or out in plain sight, Redditor playerhamdan asked:
"What are the most horrible cults that existed or exist?"
These are some of the most violent cults known in history.
"The Ant Hill Kids was pretty brutal."
Ignorance Is Bliss
"I came here to say just that and I'm not surprised by the amount of people who haven't heard of them. When it comes to cults and serial killers, the worst of the worst fly under the radar because people don't like talking about them."
"The Rajneeshi cult from Oregon. Responsible for the biggest bio-terrorism attack by a cult (infected 751 with Food Poisoning/Salmonella in the Dalles). I worked with a guy who did wildland firefighting and he remembers working next to them and they had armed patrols on the perimeters. Only good thing is that their central building is now the YoungLife building in Antelope."
Religion gets a bad name.
Too Close To Home
"From personal experience, the church Universal and triumphant that my grandmother was a member of and tried to kidnap me and my brother and take us to their bomb shelters in Montana because the world was about to end."
The Mormon Church
"Recovering mormon here. Our FLDS cousins are just what the church looked like under Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. While it might look like cult-lite today, 19th century mormonism definitely belongs on the list."
"Jonestown was definitely horrific, but the Jehovah's Witnesses' death count is far higher. It is estimated that over 30,000 Jehovah's witnesses have died due to the enforcement of their odd dogmatic interpretation of Mosaic Law on Blood."
"EDIT: They have something called the Hospital Liason Committee; that's Job is literally to show up at hospitals and bully sick dying people into not taking Blood as a treatment. Jehovah's witnesses are not just instilled with fear of being destroyed at armageddon if they take blood but also they are disfellowshipped (shunned) from all their friends and family"
"Children of God is pretty brutal. Joaquin Phoenix was born into it."
"The Louis Theroux documentary on them was chilling. He focused on interviewing ex-members and it showed the extreme lengths that the church will go to in order to harass former members. They had people turn up at their houses at all hours, sent them mass amounts of junk mail and threatening letters, had people just standing around staring at them all day, trying to get them in trouble at work, trying to get them in trouble with the law, calling their relatives etc. Just relentless bullying of anyone who decided to leave."
"It's like an entire religion made up of insane jealous ex girlfriends."
It's truly terrifying how an organization can easily influence you without being cognizant of it happening.
"Elan One is one of these."
"Back in the 80's, during the time of the Troubled Teen industries height, Elan opened up to the public as a private institution under the goal of helping young adults and teenagers with education and also maturing them."
"This was not the case at all."
"The college benefitted off of the money to help fund their luxuries while they also regularly put each student through mental abuse. If I remember correctly, there were these group circles they'd have them do and they would force one random kid to fight the one in the center, or sometimes just have the biggest and the smallest against each other."
"If a student had not done well, or had not been 'up to standard', they would be tormented in different ways. I remember seeing footage of some kids wearing 'D U N C E' cones on their heads, and one where they put a kid in a bunny suit and left him out to sit in the cold."
"Conditions were horrible according to those who survived the place and escaped. I believe one source stated that there was even a basement where some kids would be strung up and lashed for hours on end."
"If you to know a more detailed explanation, look up 'The Cult in a Boarding School' by Nexpo on YouTube."
"QAnon, if you take a look on r/QAnoncasualties you’ll see how many lives it’s torn apart. One day you’re married to someone you love deeply and have a couple kids with them, and the next they’ve gone down this rabbit hole and you’re getting a divorce and trying to protect your kids from your former spouse who won’t stop talking about the end of the world, bloody uprisings, and other nasty things."
"Sometimes they even go so far as to try to poison themselves or their family with quack cures pushed by QAnon influencers"
Grade school clicks can sometimes feel cultish.
I remember I was invited to a birthday party for one of the popular third graders in school, and I remember being thrilled at receiving an invitation after thinking they never liked me.
But my mom was wise to their ways after I was given a list of items to bring as presents to the birthday party and confirm ahead of time in order to secure my invite.
Mom didn't let me go to the ball, and for that, I'm grateful.
People Break Down How A Split-Second Decision Changed Their Entire Life
We've all been faced with tough decisions at least once in our life.
In some cases, we've had time to think very carefully as to what we decide to do, a few days, weeks, or even months or years, and thus felt confident and happy with the decision we made.
In other cases, however, we might not have had the luxury of time, and had to make a decision in the blink of an eye.
More often than not, it's these split-second, sometimes impulsive decisions, which might end up drastically changing our lives.
Sometimes for the better, and sometimes not.
"What is a split-second decision you made that change your life?"
Going With Your Conscience
"Had a boss who asked me to help him commit fraud."
"At the time I was very heavily in debt and badly needed the income, nonetheless I resigned immediately."
"Luck shined on me and I got another job a month later, just in time to pay bills."
"A few years after that I looked up my old boss, he got caught and served time."- GreedyNovel
Why It's Worth Pulling Your Eyes From The Screen
"Quitting a game of Call of Duty Zombies (whatever the one was in 2010/2011)."
"My friends in the dorm would play this constantly and were addicted."
"One day, my friend comes in and says he's going up to his gf's dorm to meet her new roommate, did anyone want to join."
"Normally, nothing could pry me from that game, but something compelled me to say yeah, sure."
"My buddies I was playing with were pissed."
"Went up there and had the closest thing to love at first sight I can describe."
"I still remember looking at this girl vividly."
"She's now my wife, and we have a 5 month old son together."- IslandsOnTheCoastLove At First Sight Nicole GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy
Think Twice Before Taking Off Your Pants
"My friend ('B') had just gotten off of work and would drive past my house on the way to hers every night."
"One night (December 27, 2007, to be exact) B decided to call me while leaving work and invite me to the bar for a drink."
"I had already started drinking and was about to decline the offer when she told me, 'I’m pulling into your driveway'."
"'You might as well put on some pants and come have a beer with me'.”
"No more than 30 seconds after we walked in, she was approached by another friend of hers ('N') and introduced us to each other."
"One year and three four days later - December 31, 2008 - N and I were married and have been ever since."
"If I hadn’t made the decision to put on pants, I likely wouldn’t have met my wife."- A_Prickly_Cactus
Making The Right Decisions For Your Health
"Making myself an appointment for in-patient rehab consultation."
"I couldn’t decide if I was being dramatic or necessary."
"5+ years sober now!"- jn7nh0
Some Feelings Just Can't Be Hidden
"I asked my best friend 'Do you want to talk about the unspoken thing'."
'It was a very impulsive decision, but something I had wanted to say for a long time. she responded 'What, the fact that we love each other, like romantically?''- Winter-Algae8569·Season 5 Episode 121 GIF by FriendsGiphy
The More The Merrier
"January 2020, a coworker asked if I knew anyone that wanted to adopt a puppy."
"We had three dogs, were not considering another, and even discussed that three was definitely more than enough."
"For whatever reason, I asked him for pics and sent them to my wife."
"That evening we had a 4 month old pup that got along amazing with the family and the other dogs."
"Two months later I was laid off unexpectedly, not even related to covid."
"I was unemployed for over a year and this dog was by my side non-stop."
"Now, everyone in the family loves Rosy, but me and her have a special bond I've never had with a dog before."
"I'm literally tearing up as I write this, a 40yo bearded trucker, ffs."
"I just can't explain how special she is and how important she was to helping me get through the last couple of years."
"Not to dismiss my amazing wife, to be clear."
"When I'm home, I can't go to a different room without her coming along."
"When I'm gone for the night, she whines at my wife while going between her and the door, so I'm told."
"I guess that's not as 'life-changing' as some of these stories, but my life is definitely changed by the presence of her."- curlyfatDogs Wave Hi GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Just When She'd Given Up All Hope...
"A person who was a stranger to me at the time logged in to delete her online dating profile."
"There was a message in her inbox."
"It was from me."
"15 years later, we are 12 years happily married."- mekdot83
You Can Never Be Too Sure...
"Going for a third opinion after being misdiagnosed by two doctors in a day for unnatural tiredness."
"The third doctor rushed me off to get urgent blood tests, and it turns out I had severe blood poisoning and was on the verge of organ failure."
'If I'd not gone for a third opinion, I'd be dead now."- Wickywahwah
"Not sure if this counts, but when I was 13 we had this little 50cc dirt bike that I would ride around the block every now and again."
"I was out riding one day and I start doing jumps off the curb."
"I remember landing sketchily and thinking 'a helmet would nice' so I went and out one on, did another curb jump and sure enough wipe and snake the side of my head on the pavement and concussed myself."
"I am sure I would’ve died without the helmet."- buttermansixcycling fend GIF by GrouphuntGiphy
Always Follow Your Heart
"To quit my tenured job."
"I'm now living in a different city, completing a degree for a profession I am both interested in and naturally good at."
"If you'd told me 5 years ago that this is what I would be doing at the start of 2023, I would have had a panic attack over the thought of just dropping everything, quitting my profession and moving hours away from my home city."
"I was suffering then, but I didn't realize I had the strength to do it until I needed to do it."- ana-neemous
A Little Help Goes A Long Way
"A neighbor of mine is a teacher at an elementary school."
"One day, 6 years ago, she asked me if she could give my phone number to the parents of one of the kids at the school who needed tutoring."
"I wrote down my number for her and started tutoring the kid."
"Over time, I basically became part of the family."- AlmostChristmasNow
Really Knowing Who Your Friends Are
'Cutting my group of friends out of my life.'
"I always felt like crap around them, and one day I realized that they would never ever be there when I needed them."
"So I just noped out and changed numbers."- tsoroBye Bitch Get Out Of My Face GIF by Becky GGiphy
It's always scary to make a decision in the heat of the moment.
However, as the saying goes, "the heart knows what it wants".
Guys Share The Absolute Best Compliments They Could Receive
When men are hoping to impress a woman, they often agonize over the perfect thing to say.
Something which will get their attention and make them feel good about themselves, and hopefully not offend or demean them.
If they find the right words, they may likely find themselves with a new girlfriend, future wife, or even a life-long friend.
After all, finding the perfect compliment can go a long way.
Of course, this is a two-way street, and men also enjoy it when they are complimented.
Perhaps even more, and arguably, a little too much.
"Guys of Reddit, what is the best compliment a girl could give you?"
No Pretending Required
"I can be myself around you."- noah1000000999
"Whenever a girl says she feels safe around me or feels secure/comfortable makes me feel so good it's indescribable."
"Makes me feel very manly."- kipskip_
I'll Take Them All!
"Pretty much any compliment will do."- Mysterious_Drama2772
"Any..."- Sk0tsI Want Them All Paramount Network GIF by YellowstoneGiphy
The Devil Is In The Details
"When I was younger, I had a meeting with a beautiful, slightly older woman from a different organization that I admired in our industry."
"When we were shaking hands and saying hello, she thoughtlessly blurted out, 'Oh, you're cute', then apologized and said she's not hitting on me and that she's married."
"Then, she tried to change the topic by talking about one of my recent projects, which I was surprised she knew."
"Both were nice compliments."- NoConsideration5775
Keep It Simple
"I like you."- Smirknlurking
It's Worth the Weight
“'I love you'."
"Yet to hear it but I imagine it sounds good."- Or4ngut4n
Or Just "You're Cute" In General...
"'You're cute when you're excited'."
"Still riding the high from that one, and that was 3 years ago."- JackCooper_7274
"Girl at the mall told me I looked like Ryan Gosling."
"She couldn’t be more wrong, the comment was an affront to everything Ryan Gosling stands for."
'T'was appreciated however."
"Gonna be riding that high for the next 3-37 years"- -Praetoria-
Noting Beats A Good Conversation
“I like talking to you.”- cszack4_happy homer simpson GIFGiphy
When You Got It, Flaunt It...
"A girl at work told me another girl told her that I have a nice a**."
"She tried to keep the girl anonymous but I tricked her into admitting who it was."
"The one that told me also complimented me on my legs and looks in general."
"Feels weird being complimented on my a** and legs as a guy but I guess it's better than nothing?"- Lambesis96
It's All In The Eyes...
"A female friend of mine once told me I had 'kind eyes' when I smiled."
"Best compliment I ever received."
"I just smiled normally and genuinely, and she picked up on it."
"Man, I miss her."- midnight_reborn
Great Hair Is Hard To Resist...
"'You are hot' would be very surprising yet welcome."
"I also get "your hair looks great" a lot."- KomradeElmo0ricky rubio nba GIF by Utah JazzGiphy
Setting Standards For The Future
"Back when I was 9 years old my mum's friend meeting me for the first time told me that once I grow up I will be a super sexy handsome dude all the gals will drool over."
"That didn't happen but it was nice to hear back then."- playerhamdan
Should anyone find that special guy, and want to let him know just how special they think he is, all of the above compliments are a good way to start.