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Non-Asexuals Reactions To The Idea Of An Asexual Significant Other

Non-Asexuals Reactions To The Idea Of An Asexual Significant Other
Photo by Sdf Rahbar on Unsplash

No two people have the same sex drive.

There are those who simply can't get enough sex, as it is what empowers them and gives them purpose, such as the glorious Samantha Jones of Sex And The City.

Then there are those who could go days, weeks, months, even years without having even the tiniest sexual encounter, but live perfectly happy lives.

The proud asexuals.

Providing it is safe and consensual, there is no right and wrong when it comes to sex.

However, supposing one day two people had a classic Hollywood "meet cute", firmly believing it to be love at first sight, only to discover that one half of this prospective couple is asexual and the other is not.

What would their reactions be?


Redditor BeepBoop372 was eager to learn the answer, resulting in their taking to Reddit to ask:
"Dear non-asexual people: if you were in a relationship with someone and they sat you down and said they are asexual, what would your reaction be?"

There Is Always A Solution

"This actually happened to me."

"My current partner told me about 3-4 years into our relationship that she realized she might be asexual."

"She told me that she'd realized since we'd been together that she'd often used sex as validation or because she thought she was supposed to."

"She'd been coming to the realization for a long time before she told me, and told me she was afraid of how I'd react."

"I'll preface my reaction by saying that we have never been monogamous, so things may have worked out differently if we were."

"I was not totally surprised."

"We tell each other everything, and I'd heard a lot about her previous partners."

"From what I gathered, I was her first long-term partner who wasn't abusive, pushy, or worse."

"I didn't feel like I'd disappointed her or turned her asexual in some way, I knew that she was telling me this because she felt comfortable that I wouldn't freak out or leave her."

"When we'd first started seeing each other I'd gone through a similar experience working up the courage to tell her I'm bi."

"The entire experience made us closer."

'That was years ago now, and we still very much love each other."

"We still have sex occasionally, but she's also fine if I seek it out elsewhere as long as I'm safe, always, and communicative, to a fault."

'Coming out to a partner is always difficult, regardless of what your sexuality is, or isn't."

"It's scary to think the person you love may feel differently about you afterward, but it's better than living a lie and letting it eat away at you."- Duckiesims

Happy Well Done GIF by LaffGiphy

Just be Upfront

"i've been on a date with an asexual guy."

"He told me 1 hour into the date."

"I had nothing but respect for straight up telling me."

"I said I want sex to be a part of a relationship, he respected my choice and we had a great date."

"We were friends for long after that."- kaascheesefromage

Nope, Not Going To Work...

"Wish them well, find someone who shares my interests."- tacit_urn

Minor Detail...

"This actually happened to me."

"He was so much fun, that sex ultimately did not matter."

"We had 8 years together before he went I search of new adventures, but we stayed friends until his death."

"I still miss him."- Dang_It_All_to_Heck

Alicia Silverstone Flirting GIFGiphy

An Insurmountable Hurdle

"I’ve been there."

"College boyfriend after about a year of dating told me that he thought he was asexual."

"We had been having sex until then, and it made me feel awful thinking that he might’ve not wanted to the entire time."

"I felt bad 'making' him do that."

"It was always consensual, but I was worried he only did it because he felt he had to."

"Some people can make a relationship without sex work, but this is what I personally did not want."

"I never shamed him for his lack of sexuality, but it made navigating the relationship more challenging."

"That relationship went on for at least another year, but ended up failing for a few reasons."

"I’m quite sexual, so that became a compatibility issue."

"We did not have sex thereafter."

"He was kind of a controlling person, (not because he is asexual)."

"He would make me feel ashamed for getting turned on or, god forbid, pleasuring myself."

"He also guilted me in staying with him despite the lack of any sexual compromise."

"He basically said that if I really loved him for him we would stay together."

"And I did love him a lot at the time, so that is why I stayed."

"I know now that sex is important to me, and really it is nice to be intimate with someone and to feel wanted in that way."

"I felt ugly for the longest time because any time I brought up this issue, I would either be rejected, ouch, or shamed for wanting anything sexual."

"We were both pretty young in this relationship."

"If I were in a relationship like this now, after some more relationship experience, I would have tried to have a clearer discussion about my needs."

"In all, I hope that if anyone else finds themselves in this situation, ie with a partner that realizes they’re asexual, that you can have a serious conversation and decide if this is enough of a compatibility issue to stop seeing each other or make a compromise to match both of your needs."- Silverhime

kate hudson breaking up GIFGiphy

It Can Have Its Advantages

"Wow this is weird, this actually happened to me the other day."

"My partner came and told me she is asexual."

"We talked through what that meant to her and basically she's not anti-sex, in fact she enjoys it, she just has almost no independent interest in sex, and almost no attraction or sexual desire towards people."

"So, after checking that she was still happy with the way things are and she wouldn't prefer some alternative arrangement, we basically just agreed to continue as we have been throughout the relationship up to this point."

"Boring I know, sorry."

"In fact it made me feel more free to pursue my own kinks and desires, since sex is now something she mostly does because she wants to make me happy I feel less bad making it about my wants."- cdwols

Sex is always a very personal issue.

With that in mind, someone with a high sex drive simply might not be able to make a relationship work with an asexual person.

Though opposites do attract, which can include two people with highly opposing views and needs towards sex.

For at the end of the day, there's no ignoring a connection.

Ewww: People Break Down The Worst Food Sins They Can Imagine

Reddit user Shozo459 asked: 'What’s the worst food sin you can imagine?'

People sharing pizza
Klara Kulikova/Unsplash

When it comes to culinary mashups, nothing is as delectably perfect as a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Chocolate and peanut butter in one bite? Heavenly.

Other food combos are not as popular but have a strong contingent of fans like pineapple on pizza or even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

And then there are ones that are simply inexcusable.

Curious to hear examples of what foodies absolutely consider tastey bites, Redditor Shozo459 asked:

"What’s the worst food sin you can imagine?"

Trust the preparation.

That Is Soy Not Funny

"ketchup on sushi."

– BattleCatManic

I do believe you'd get your a** kicked for doing that."

– Mattress_Of_Needles

No Sauce Required

"Reminds me of this random sushi joint in osaka. Every pc had the wasabi inserted already. If the piece doesnt have a sauce (like eel), then its premarinated or salted. For normal fish, the chef brushes it with some kind of soy sauce blend."

"He reminded me that soy sauce would not be necessary almost every time he put a new piece on my plate. I asked what the soy sauce bottle is for then and he just shrugged."

"And we're talking about soy sauce not even ketchup."

– gabu87

Tough Meat

"Ok, not sushi, but. (I heard this from my kid....) My ex remarried to a southern woman who fancies herself to be a southern Belle. Instead, she's more of a Momma June. My ex cooked steaks for dinner one night. He will cook meat so it is BROWN straight through. Don't think about asking for it any way, but WELL DONE. In his world, any PINK in the beef means it's nearly raw.😳 So he cooked steaks for them. The wife starts eating and exclaims, 'This steak is soooo good it doesn't even need ketchup' My kid described the meat as being extremely tough and tasteless."

– stalagit68

That's just rude.

Expired Offer

"Eating my fries after I've asked you if you want me to buy you some."

– iggylevin

"So you've met my ex-wife? 'I'm fine' is a small fry and milkshake or frostee. And yes, she should use her words , but she won't, so you can choose to be right or to not have to sleep on the couch over fries and a milkshake."

– Jimmy_Twotone

Chili & Cinnamon

"Although it's not the worst sin imaginable, there's a weird regional dish where i live that involves pairing a bowl of chili with a cinnamon roll. Every potluck I've been to here has it. It's not for me but it's definitely unique."

– MayorOfVenice

Citrus Sin

"Orange juice flavored toothpaste and toothpaste flavored orange juice."

– shhjustwatch

"I gargle with orange juice after i brush my teeth. Power move. Show that plaque who's boss."

– MayorOfVenice

Who does that?

Gimme Some Skin

"Eating the skin off of someone else's fried chicken."

– Upbeat_Tension_8077

"I had a bucket of leftover KFC in the fridge, and my ex SIL came over to my house while I was at work and ate all of the skin off the chicken. I was f'kin pissed."

"Then, on New Years, a few years later, her aunt wanted to make mole and split the cost. I was like whatever and pitched in. I had things to do and got home after it was done. Those f'kin b*tcheses had ate the all of the skin off every piece of chicken."

"I'm so glad I'm not a part of that POS family anymore. If I am ever victimized by chicken skin theft ever again I am going to throw that skinless piece of chicken at them as hard as I can at point blank range and I'm going to aim for their mouth."

– anon

Condiment For All

"Squeezing ketchup on top of a communal plate of fries."

– OverlappingChatter

"I had a boyfriend who would take all of his fries and all of my fries at McDonald’s, put them on the tray and squirt ketchup on top. This infuriated me in part because then the fries got cold so much faster."

– loritree

Wasting food is a cardinal sin.

Grocery Stores At The End Of The Day

"Grocery stores/suppliers throwing out perfectly good food when we there are people starving."

"There is a 2009 doc called 'Dive' that talks about how much grocery stores waste. Edit: (I'm sure there are many others but this is the one that made me aware of the issue)"

– moosegoose2222

"My husband did the samples at Sam's club for awhile and when they did alcohol samples they were told to bust/break the glass bottles into the food that was leftover and to be disposed in the dumpster...so first throw the food in, then break the glass bottles on top when throwing in dumpster."

– Swivel_D

Kevin Sucks

"I worked at a major big box grocery/everything else store for a short time. The a**hole store director was the kind of guy who would make one of the grocery guys get put the floor zamboni on SATURDAY AFTERNOONS to clean up footprints down the aisles when it snowed outside. Of course, it pissed people off."

"The worst thing he'd do, however, was demand that the bakery and Deli have their cases overstocked to 'Grand Opening' standards every f'king day. Of course, only half sold, and the leftovers were not marked down (he hated doing anything like that for damaged boxes or cans because he said it attracted 'poor people'). Instead, it all went into the dumpster at the end of the night. It was usually a half dozen cakes, a dozen loaves of bread, and often 15 - 20 rotisserie chickens. No, employees were not allowed to take home any of it. Oh, and he was openly racist and tried to get a disabled employee fired because he didn't like disabled people working with the public."

"I rage quit that job one day, two weeks before Christmas. I found out shortly after I left that the store director was diagnosed with Parkinsons."

"Rot in hell, Kevin."

– WhitePineBurning

My gripe is more about dining protocol than actual food.

I'm pretty much allergic to alcohol and aside from having the occasional glass of wine, I don't drink often when I go out.

I don't think it's fair when I'm out with a small group of people who each order more than two cocktails and I'm forced to split the bill evenly as the lone non-drinker in the group.

I get it, it's a hassle figuring out the bill to accommodate for me, but I don't mind sorting it out as there are apps to make this easy.

I think it's classy when other members of the group point out that they should chip in more for the bill so I don't have to pay my full share.

But I also hate having to speak up and say, "Umm, can you guys pay for your own drinks since I didn't order any?"

I'm screwed either way since I sound like a loser when I do voice my request or I get passive aggressive afterward for not speaking up.

Anyone know a good solution on how to deal with this?

Anyone who grew up with one or more siblings is bound to have stories of how their siblings occasionally (or frequently) got on their nerves.

Indeed, some people don't even have any sort of relationship with their siblings once they fly the nest.

Those who grew up only children, however, often have trouble accepting that people would cut their siblings out of their lives.

While being an only child can often mean getting your parent's complete love and attention, it also means that you will have to go through many of life's challenges alone, with no peer to turn to for support.

Not to mention, never having anyone to torment and boss around, as many children dream of doing to their younger siblings.

Redditor BroccoliniCarrot was curious to hear what only children thought was the biggest disadvantage of growing up with no siblings, leading them to ask:

"What’s the worst about being an only child?"

Lack Of Playmates

"When I was little, people would give me board games like Monopoly for gifts, and I wouldn't have anyone to play with."

"even Hungry Hungry Hippo sucked playing solo."

"I did master Solitaire though!"- Jesikabelcher

Last One Standing

"When my parents die that’s it."

"I’m just alone."- undertheraindrops

"Family is the most likely group of people to help you when things get tough."

"When your parents pass you have less support."

"Also, aging parents become solely your responsibility."- rubixd

"Taking care of an elderly parent with no one to help."- 3Gilligans

No One To Turn To

"When you are the only one to support your aging parents."- Fantastic_Leg_3534

Forced Independence

"I think because I am an only child I have become used to spending time on my own."

"As a result I am quite antisocial.'

"I don’t mind being around people and can be quite talkative however it exhausts me and I need far too much time on my own to recover."- OstneyPiz

"You become TOO comfortable with being alone all the time, to the point where being alone is the default and interacting with others feels like a chore."

"And that doesn't play out too well in the real world."- DeathSpiral321·

Going Through It Alone

"No one to have a sanity check with."

"My wife and closest friend have siblings and they talk about a close bond with their respective siblings where they could look at the other and effectively say 'mom/dad are crazy, right?'"

"Being an only, I thought some of the sh*t they pulled growing up was normal."

"Having a sibling would have helped counter the gas lighting from parents."- RennSport5280

Making Your Own Conversation Partners...

"As an adult, I sometimes find it difficult to quiet the self-talk because all too often growing up it was all I had."-GreenDolphin86

More For Me?

"I am absolutely not good at sharing."

"Plus and minus was that I got all of my parents' attention, so I had a lot of love and support but also a lot of expectations and not a lot of space to f*ck up."

"Nowhere to hide, no one to blame anything on, and no backup when they were being unreasonable."

"But I also didn't have to split time, affections, or personal belongings with some other gremlin sharing my DNA."=Justheretolurkyall

No One To Keep You In Line...

"No reality check."

"Nobody to confirm that, no, it's not you that's acting nuts."

"Later, nobody to bounce ideas and behaviors off of, nobody to tell you, 'hey, X thinks you're cute' or 'that's not how you ask a girl out, doofus, say this'."

"I should mention that for various reasons, if I had had siblings they would have been older."

"So when I imagine not being an only child, I tend to imagine being a younger brother."

"But I think the reality-check thing would still operate even as an oldest sibling; plus I might have learned to handle responsibility earlier."- ElderPoet

There Is, Indeed, Safety In Numbers

"I am the only son of a single mother."

"I hate this term, but it's called emotional incest."

"Basically my Mom was very young when she had me and there were no men in her / my life."

"As a result, she placed all of that emotional needs of a grown woman on to me."

"My Mom never really raised me as a son."

"At best, she raised me like a little brother she got stuck with after our parents died."

"At worst, she treated me like I was a toxic boyfriend."- ANerdCalledMike

No Scapegoats

"All eyes are on you- can’t get away with anything!"

"Most strict parents ever ( they were older too)."

"Unlike my husband's family growing up with 6 kids."

"Parents hardly knew where the teenagers were or who they were with."- Available_Honey_2951

"When asked by a parent what happened you cannot blame your sibling."- nanodecay

The Eye Of TheBeholder

"People assuming that I was spoiled."- Purlz1st

Having no siblings means never being bullied, teased or tormented, or having to vie for your parent's attention.

Something many people who grew up with older or younger siblings openly say they dream of.

When the going gets tough, however, and these same people realize they always had their brothers or sisters to turn to, they might bite their words and regret ever even thinking of being an only child.


champagne in two flutes

Anthony DELANOIX on Unsplash

Have you ever gone back to your elementary school as an adult and been amazed that everything looked smaller than you remembered?

It's a great example of how our perception of the world around us is shaped by our own experiences and where we are in life.

As a child everything seems big because we're small.

Our childhood perceptions of other things were also skewed. Things that seemed grand luxuries became ordinary or mundane as we aged.

Keep reading...Show less
Teenage guy sitting alone
Photo by rayul on Unsplash

CW: suicide.

When we're asked how the "lonely guy" in high school was, we can all think back and come up with an example.

Some peers may have referred to them as weird for keeping to themselves, but sometimes, it's surprising what they end up achieving after all those years of seeming isolation.

Curious about others' experiences, Redditor Sad-[c-word]-420 asked:

"What happened to the lonely guy in your high school class?"

Major Career Move

"Well, I just googled him, and he's a Georgetown law professor."

- BulletDodger

A Simple, Happy Life

"The person I always thought of as possibly lonely retained the same couple of friends for the past 13 years, and they still seem to enjoy getting together and doing the things they did back then. Video games, anime, etc."

- ptbus0

The Lost Friendship

"I lost touch. You can't be a one-way street to someone forever."

- NewPickleballer

Data Science Things

"He is sitting in a data science conference reading Reddit."

"I am sitting in a data science conference reading Reddit."

- zykezero

Tragic Therapy

"He didn’t like to be around people much, so he spent a lot of time riding his motorcycle alone, which he said he found therapeutic. He died at 20 in a motorcycle accident."

- Disastrous-Year571

Sometimes The Loneliness Sticks

"Still lonely, However, he worked his way up within a KFC franchise through high school and bought his first house early on even though he didn’t do well at school. Then he worked in the army for 10 years and bought properties number two and three. "

"Now he works as a director on a cruise liner and goes from country to country by himself."

"No partners or girlfriends ever, but he's financially well off."

- ethereumminor

Secret Model

"He became an actual model for high-class perfumes and brands and not one those Instagram or TikTok 'models.'"

- dkguy90

"I was in the suburbs of Buffalo. A super quiet, shy, plain girl everyone kind of ignored, was modeling on runways in Paris or doing high fashion photo shoots in NYC from about age 13. No one knew until Senior year when she had her portfolio with her because some journalist was going to interview her at school."

- NYCandleLady

Shoutout to the Late Bloomers

​"I got a degree, got married, and started a career. Not much different from others, just started later."

- Ben_Thar

Success Stories

"He grew several inches after high school and went into tech. HE was very successful and now has a supermodel wife and a beautiful family."

"Another guy became a pediatric surgeon. He was married and had a daughter... Over the years his wife disappeared from his Facebook post and it was just him and his daughter. In a few years ago, he married a supermodel Eastern European nurse."

- wastingtoomuchthyme

Nothing Short of Tragic

"He joined the army and then literally went AWOL two years later. No one has seen or heard from him since. His mom posts his missing person flier up on my hometown's Facebook page every year on his birthday. It's really f**king sad."

- nails_for_breakfast

Funny in the End

"He became an entrepreneur of a really successful company."

"He employed the three jokers who used to bully the heck out of him. They still don't know who he is."

- AbsurdFormula0

"'Employed the three jokers.'"

"Is he Batman?"

- panzer22222

Hard Work Pays Off

"That was me. I always sat at my own table with the occasional foreign exchange student."

"I got out of school and worked really hard. I just turned 48 and I still haven't peaked. I have a large portfolio of real estate and do a lot of traveling."

"I wanted something more for myself but I didn't really have that confidence until after school. I now live an incredible life. There is hope for us losers who aren't afraid of a little work."

- kjschaben

Wishing Them Well

"He was the smartest person I ever met. He was very quiet, kept to himself, and did 110 percent on anything he was ever given to do. He always got the best scores."

"Me and my best friend were the second and third place, but it wasn’t worth chasing first place with him around. We always tried to be his friend, but he wasn’t interested in friends. He was always polite but didn’t seem to want friends. He always accepted me as a friend on social media though, and we were always friendly."

"I was 21 when he posted for the first time on Facebook. It was a suicide note. Thank God someone got to him in time. I messaged him after and let him know I understood and he could talk to me."

"He sent me a long message back, and I understood so much of what he was saying. The constant pressure to be perfect, the trap of trying to please your parents, the spiral downwards when you realize you aren’t a superhuman… I had no idea how much pressure his parents were putting on their kids."

"We talked for a bit, but he eventually stopped responding, and I moved to a different country."

"I hope he’s doing well now, he is an amazing guy. Love ya Scott, if you ever see this."

- lorealashblonde

A Thriving Life

"He ended up graduating top of the class, got a full-ride scholarship to Cornel, got his master's, makes seven figures a year, and is happily married with two kids."

"I was one of his few friends in high school and the dude is doing amazing in all aspects of his life."

- Superb-Pattern-1253

Doing Just Fine

"I don't really know what happened to anyone from high school, and I'm okay with that."

- FireyToots

"Found the fellow lonely person."

- Kiltemdead

"So it seems the lonely guy from your high school class is doing fine."

- CleaningMySlate

"I don’t know why, but this made me really proud of myself. Thank you random internet person for making this other random internet person feel good."

- FireyToots

Thinking back on high school, it's surreal to think about all the people we knew but have lost touch with, unable to really know what's going on in their lives anymore.

But some of us might hold a special place for the quiet kids and wondering how their lives turned out. Just because they were quiet in school doesn't have to mean that they didn't make huge change after graduation.

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/