Being an insomniac or one who lives at night, aka, a vampire, can be an exhausting life or it can be exciting. The world doesn't stop turning in the wee hours, in fact the things that go bump in the night can lead to some fascinating or horrifying stories. While others are shut-eyed and dreaming nightmares at sundown, some of us are living through them. Now none of us will ever get to sleep now so we might as well share stories.
Redditor u/isolatedpsychopath wanted to know what sort of craziness is happening when everyone's eyes are shut by asking.... Night owls, what is the creepiest/scariest thing you have ever seen or heard whilst everyone was asleep?
I was staying at an Airbnb on the first floor and I heard noises outside of my window late at night, so I drew back the window curtains to find myself face to face with some man who I assume was trying to break in. He ran away, but that moment was straight out of a horror movie. personreddits
I had put a surveillance camera in front of my apartment door for various security reasons. As I passed the monitor one night, I noticed that my neighbor fell down the stairs right in front of my door. If no one had noticed it, he probably wouldn't have survived. He had a severe head injury afterwards, but at least he survived. I_am__the_GOLDEN_GOD
I was smoking in the backyard when i heard footsteps on the stones we have around the garden. It was moving around and i could only hear the stones popping like someone was walking on it.
Then i heard a sneeze.
I thought "crap now someone will jump out the bushes to mug me or beat me up." I was creeped out but thought the only good thing to do is approach the firs which are planted in the ground where the small stones lay. Because despite all the sounds, i could see no one, which isnt' that hard. The firs are not too bushy and far enough apart so you would definitely see someone if he was walking there.
So i came nearer and the stone popping got more intense, like something was running away from me. I switched the light from my smartphone on and theres nothing. Then i look down and see a HEDGEHOG! A real sweet and kind of big one, like he looks a bit fat. Has been eating good as it seems.
I started to call him Sonic and he comes visiting nearly every day. Nowadays he even brings a small hedgehog with him which i think is his kid, or at least a good friend. Sometimes i even leave a bit of food for them, but as it seems they don't really need it as they rarely take something from it.
10/10 would poop my pants again if it turns out to be a hedgehog. loreng94
My dog spontaneously barking at 3 am with no reason other than to yell.
I was home alone while my dad was out of town in a new townhome. Had to open the front door and show her nothing was there.
She still barked. Rabid_Pokemon_Girl
I heard a knocking on my door, looked on the space under it and there was no shadow or feet, that's why I keep a hammer beside me from now on. Max_189
If it had no legs or shadow, I don't think hammers work on revenants. 927comewhatmay
The sound of foxes yiffing is literally the screams of Satan himself. SpringyFredbearSuit
Rabbits sometimes sound like infants that were abandoned in the woods. Then you mix in the foxes, and the rabbits screaming bloody murder as they get eaten, and you might need to go find a different pair of pants because this one's got too much crap in it. Outrageous_Disk
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
The Graveyard Shift.
I'm a security guard, and I occasionally pull the graveyard shift.
During one such occasion, I was working at a warehouse where they make tractors, where my job was to sit in my car in their parking lot over night, and occasionally walk around the outside of the building to make sure everything was good, and no one had fooled with the tractors that were parked outside.
Now one particular night was foggy as hell. I might have had 10, maybe 15 feet of visibility.
I'm walking through the fog, doing my best to see everything I can, when it starts sounding like there's someone walking behind me.
I spin around, nothing. No one there. I start walking, and after a minute I hear the footsteps again. I stop, and the other footsteps stop. Then I hear what sounds like a tractor door slam.
By this point I'm nearly pissing myself. Procedure is not to confront anyone; call the cops from a point of safety. But the nearest safe point is my car, which is on the other side of the warehouse, which is basically half a mile away since I can't cut through the warehouse itself.
But I can't see the fool making the noise. So I decide to continue heading to my car, and hope like hell I make it there safe.
I go on at a pretty good clip; not out right running, but not taking my time anymore. I make my way around a tower of tractor parts, and come face to face with a man in a KKK hood glaring at me from inside a tractor.
Or at least that's what my mind initially conjured up. After standing there a minute in shocked terror, I realize what I'm seeing is a seat cover put on wrong, causing the cover to take on that iconic shape.
After that I book it back to my car, call the local police, and once they get there they patrol the area. Nothing was missing, broken, or out of place. Best guess on the footsteps was my own echoing back at me, and the slamming door was from another warehouse nearby.
Oh, then there was that time at another site where I was by myself, saw someone walk across the lot, but they didn't appear on camera. Ghost_of_Askreddit
I'm female and live alone, I was sleeping and my radio which was turned off picked up a passing taxi drivers radio, it's gone 3am and all I can hear is some blokes voice accepting a new job/pickup in my bedroom! Needless to say the radio was unplugged and booted out and I had an extremely early start to my day. Joey-Pope
A knock on my apartment door about 10pm.
Look through the peephole, see nobody through it, on the second chain pop it open an inch. Fat at the ready to slam it shut I say stand where I can see you some sketchy woman looking like she needs a fix. She asks to see someone who doesn't live there I say wrong place slam the door and deadbolt.
The next day outside my apartment is a pile of used cigarettes butts. She had stuck around waiting for someone to come out. Phenoix512
Horny feral cats outside my window. Angelicbeeing
Male cats defending territory is worse. famousamos84
We're all adults who are totally mature and don't, at all, giggle a little bit on the inside when someone talks about what conditions are like on Uranus.
Yeah just kidding, that's hilarious.
Uranus is our favorite heavenly body.
Reddit user rsideoson asked:
"What is a word that sounds inappropriate?"
Don't worry, Reddit is absolutely no more mature than we are and we all deserve a childish giggle every now and then.
"Uvula (dangly bit in your throat)"
"Ooohhh, so it's a girl house"
" 'All god's children got a uvula!'."
"In Swedish it is called gomspene whick translates to pallet teet."
"That little dangly thing that’s hanging in the back of their throat?"
- Admirable-Door1724Snl Season 47 GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
A What Hole ?
"Our city has had several instances of exploding manholes in the downtown area. My friends never let an opportunity to make such comments pass them by. (And I love them for it!)"
"Played some drawing game once where you'd draw the word u get by the game and others would try guess it...my friend got that word and drew a .. manhole..like.. a literal manhole not the actual one, and that was when i learned that word lol"
Chew Works Too
"Especially at the dinner table.."
"Those mukbangers masticate all over the place"
"This is the winner."
"Do you oppose public mastication?"
- Cy41995Hot Dog Eating GIF by NBAGiphy
Lets Just Not Use It Anymore
"This is not a fun or funny example, but, 'niggardly'."
"Etymologically, it has absolutely nothing to do with that other word. They have totally different origins, and sound/look similar purely as a matter of coincidence."
"But it's just not worth the explanation when "stingy" or 'miserly" work just as well, so it's basically a dead word."
"Even the Reverend Jesse Jackson defended the use of this word."
"Also, TIL he's still alive."
"I remember being a preteen and stepdad using this word. I was horrified. He was mildly racist so I wasn’t too surprised but we were in public. 'Dad!!!! There’s a black woman right there!!!'."
"He explained what it meant but I sure never ever used that word."
"Yeah this word is gone forever. There is no way of tossing that out in casual conversation ever again, and even if you did you'd have to spend a good few minutes defending what you meant and looking it up to prove it."
Playing Around With Speed
"It's a running term and as a grown man I still giggle when I hear it."
"Wait is that how it’s spelled? I always thought it was Fartlick lol"
"You guys use that? It's Norwegian, meaning speed game."
"Fartlek’s were misery in high school XC. Always just called it a fart lick"
- silverhammer96Safari Park Running GIF by San Diego ZooGiphy
Fortunella Sounds Fancier
"Got banned from a forum for calling someone a kumquat. No regrets."
"The restaurant I worked at had a kumquat margarita and for a good 2 weeks the menu accidentally had cumquat, but each time the manager tried to fix it they’d accidentally print the wrong on again and there’d be too many copies to just throw out."
"That's a good one"
The 'L' Is Important
"This may only be true in American English...in other accents it's much less suggestive"
"Don't wanna wait forever for that caulk to harden"
"I used to work for a construction company doing purchasing and apparently in the winter caulk gets cold and refuses to work so you need to put your caulk in a caulk warmer"
"My brother insists on over enunciating the L so it sounds like. Cow-LK"
- jawshoeawhomer simpson GIFGiphy
You Sure About This One?
"Jiggers, also known as the chigoe flea. Similarly, chiggers, also known as berry bugs."
"Jigger is also the little double-ended cup bartenders use for measuring alcohol for cocktails."
"I was looking for these two."
" 'Jigger' is used every day by Australian surveyors. It’s what we call our theodolites or Total Stations. Short for thingamajigger perhaps. If my mate’s jigger wasn’t cooperating, he’d say 'jigger please'.”
"What’s my motherf*cking name?"
So Many Botanical Puns
"One summer day at a barbecue at my mum in laws, she walked outside and announced “wait til you see the size of the flower on my clematis” I snort inhaled my wine"
"I think they can cure that with a penicillin shot/s"
"Another botanical word that makes me giggle:"
"Scabiosa. Or, as the Brits would say, scabious."
This Is Another One We Should Maybe Not Use
"Negus. It means a hot drink of port, sugar, lemon, and spices, and it's a royal title."
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Doesn't it also refer to an Ethiopian king?"
"Negan in Roman times."
" 'I am Negus! Thou shalt provide me with copious produce!'."
You heard (and laughed at) Reddits appropriately inappropriate words, now it's your turn to get in on the fun.
As much as people try to put on a good face in public, many of them have idiosyncratic behavior–like involuntary foot-tapping–they are ashamed of having.
Some folks, however, are not as self-aware.
These individuals could care less about other people and they act like the world is their nasty, unkempt, malodorous, living room.
Curious to hear examples of gross behavior, Redditor Dazzling_Age_4795 asked:
"What's the most disgusting bad habit?"
No one wants to see it, yet, here we are.
"Taking a dump and then not flushing in public toilets."
"I work in reception in a dental office, our Covid protocols included having wipe down the bathroom after each person. The amount of pee I’ve had to wipe off the seat and floor is absolutely disgusting. People are pigs- wipe the damn seat if your aim is that awful!!! They knew too, the intense stare down I gave them when exiting the bathroom, oh they knew."
Lazy Pet Owners
"Dog poop ( living in holland ) drives me crazy how much is just lying around. Disguisting habit for dog owners to just not care to clean it up. Which is in fact mandatory but hey... if no one sees it, its not a crime."
"People who don’t pick up their dog’s poop don’t deserve to have a dog. I also hate seeing bags of dog sh*t left on the ground. Like why bag it and just leave it there? It’s actually better for the environment if you don’t put it in the bag, lazy."
The Gross Collection
"Keeping your booger wall in plain sight where guests can see it."
"I once saw a person picking their ear and eating the wax. That sh*ts even worse then picking and eating out of your nose."
Those without any concept of having respect for their environment are very telling of the type of person they are.
Trashing The Place
"Those folk who buy cigarettes and casually walk around unwrapping and dropping plastic as they go... God I hate those guys."
Driving Smokers Suck
"People smoking while driving seem to almost always throw their cigarette butt out the window without a care in the world."
And those who don't have any respect for others in public got majorly slammed.
"Not sure if it's a 'habit', per se, but those people that have their phones on speaker ALL THE WAY UP casually talking on the train, in the grocery store, and in restaurants. I do not want to hear about your mother's bunion."
"Dude for real. I go to the library every once in a while for some quiet time.. the number of people who talk on their phone is ridiculous. Half the time if you go up to them and ask if they could be quieter or take it to the lobby they act like you're the rude one."
Clogging The Shower
"Taking a sh*t in the shower and pushing it into the drain... I knew people who did that, safe to say I don't anymore."
A Crappy Confession
"I’ve got to be honest, I farted once and a nugget, maybe the size of a pickled onion, fell out whilst I was taking a shower. As the particular bathroom I was in had the toilet in a separate room I decided the safest option for me was to squish the turd into the drain with my foot."
"I’m not proud but sometimes it has to be done."
"For clarity, I do not condone purposely dropping a full sh*t in the shower."
– User Deleted
Germy COVID Hands
"Not washing hands after using the bathroom, especially in public. Like at a restaurant."
Look, I know we all have our quirks, but I'm just not a nail-chewing and booger-flicking stan.
It's not like people with these habits are deliberately trying to inconvenience my life. But...they are.
I don't need to be stepping on nail remnants and dried-up balls of nose mucus with my barefeet.
So, what gross habits and/or behavior really gets your blood boiling?
People have different levels of tolerance when it comes to profanity.
And some people can't stand the sound of rude or vulgar language so much that they can't bring themselves to say these naughty words themselves.
But when anyone reaches a high level of anger or frustration, they still might need a verbal outlet.
And instead find themselves coming up with an alternative word, which helps them release their anger, but won't offend any nearby ears.
Redditor No-Citron5628 was curious to hear people's favorite alternatives to curse words, leading them to ask:
"What is your best swear word alternative?"
"Oh neptune."- StrappinYoungZiltoid
The last thing you want to find in your bed!
Instead of rude, be educational!
"I said this instead of… other words once when I tripped and accidentally taught this to my nephew."
"Now my sister sends me videos of my nephew saying it when things don’t go his way."- YellowForest4Warning GIFGiphy
Think of the children!
"Not sure of an actual word, but my bf and I have been trying to limit cursing since my toddler is becoming very verbal."
"He’s resorted to making very angry yelling caveman sounds when he wants to curse someone out rather than using the actual words."- Present-Lime-1244
"I like, 'slug in a ditch'."- spiked_macaroonslug GIFGiphy
We can always learn a thing or two from the kids...
"A child in my class tries to swear but unintentionally says foot instead of f*ck."
"It's probably my favorite alternative."
"Wow, didn't expect this to get so much attention."
"Thank you for the award! "
"For those asking, he is a very tiny child with a deep yorkshire accent who actually picked up the word from another child but hasn't noticed he doesn't have the pronunciation quite right yet."
"Context wise though he's bang on which makes it even funnier."- sophishx
Just one word won't do!
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET, LARRY?!"
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS?!"- KevinBillyStinkwater
Be mindful, it could backfire
"When my son was little he started saying bastard so I kept saying custard."
"Until the day he complained that we were having bananas and bastard again."- CheeryShortarseDoctor Who Snack GIF by BBC AmericaGiphy
Mother knows best.
"My mother always said, 'Curses!'"
"We, the kids, laugh about it all the time."- tenzip10-0
If you feel like you've sufficiently got your anger or frustration out of your system, your choice of words served their purpose.
Whether or not they would have to be bleeped out on network TV.
When we think of iconic movie quotes, there are several which come instantly to mind.
"Here's looking at you, kid."
"Love is never having to say you're sorry."
"I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
Appropriately, the ones that might haunt us the most, are those delivered by villains, who linger in our memories not only by their creepy attire and presence but by their devious choice of words.
Frightening us long after the credits stop rolling.
Redditor N_the_character was eager to hear what the Reddit community considered the best quotes from both Hollywood's legendary villains, as well as some lesser-known antagonists from film, TV, and video games, leading them to ask:
"What's the most bada** villain quote?"
Benedict from Last Action Hero
"Benedict to youg Danny in 'Last Action Hero':"
"I should tell you that I have killed people smarter and younger than you."- S-Marktlast action hero art GIF by xponentialdesignGiphy
"Pirates are evil?"
"The Marines are righteous?"
"These terms have always changed throughout the course of history!"
"Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values!"
"Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right!"
"This very place is neutral ground!"
"Justice will prevail, you say?"
"But of course it will!"
"Whoever wins this war becomes justice!"- TimeisaLie
The Man with the Midas Touch...
"Goldfinger after Bond says 'Do you expect me to talk?'
"'No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die'."- Hunk_StudlyInterrupting GIF by James Bond 007Giphy
The Last Airbender's Azula
"Dai Li: 'You've beaten me at my own game'."
"Azula: 'Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player'."- herculesmeowlligan
Inigo Montoya, watch out!
"'Good Heavens, are you still trying to win?'"
"-the six fingered man."
Video game villains shouldn't be forgotten, ask Ghaul
“'You are not brave, you’ve merely forgotten the fear of death'."
"'Allow me to reacquaint you'.”- KentuckyBourbon94
The Good, the Bad, and the one-liners
"'When you have to shoot, shoot'."
"Tuco, 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'."- jpablo680
Whiterose of Mr. Robot
“'Because Phillip, I had to ask you twice'.”- Lontano64
The final frontier indeed...
"'A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place'."
"'To force them to acknowledge your greatness'."
"Gul Dukat, Deep Space Nine."- hamdingersDeep Space Nine Dislike GIF by Star TrekGiphy
A true villain will have you quaking in your boots with just one look.
But it's with their words that they really get you.
And how they instantly go from being merely villains, to legends.