I wish I could say I had a more eloquent thought go through my head as I saw the Caddy baring down on me. But I didn't. It was just "sh*t" and the awareness that there was nothing I could do to avoid being hit, followed by annoyance that it was taking so damn long to happen.
Reddit asked about the thoughts people had in the moments before they believed they were about to die, and watching a massive Cadillac speeding towards me when I was in my tiny car with a cement truck next to me absolutely fit that bill.
I knew she was going to hit me. I knew the force would slam me into the cement truck. I knew I was about to die. All I thought was "sh*t."
There was no thinking about the things I never did, or how I was about to die dressed in "business casual." (The business casual regret hit about 2 days later... and I've avoided business-wear as much as possible since then.) I was resigned to my end, and was just annoyed that it was going to hurt so badly and was taking so long to happen.
They say time slows before an accident. The time before impact felt like eons but was a second, maybe two. Yes, it hurt as badly as I thought it would. The force of impact in a major car accident is something almost unexplainable.
But death didn't happen. Otherwise this article would be extra-weird.
The impact didn't push me into the cement truck, because the truck was big and heavy and hadn't really gotten going when the light turned green. Instead, the other driver flung me spinning across the intersection where I hit a wall and a post.
She hit the cement truck. She did not die. She did lose her legs from the knee down. Interestingly, it came out in proceedings that "sh*t" was essentially her thought, too. She realized she had blown the light moments before slamming into me and was also aware of just how badly this was about to hurt.
She did not experience the same slow-down of time that I did. According to her, before she had even fully had the thought she was already being smashed into her airbags.
Reddit users shared the thoughts they had, and quite a few had similar experiences. Check it out.
Shark To The FaceGiphy
I was caught in a rip tide at about 8. I had a few thoughts. One was I hope this doesn't hurt.
But the main one was "I really hope a shark doesn't bite me in the face before I die" because the visibility was almost non existent and I kept opening my eyes to see where the surface was.
I could see so little I remember thinking that I wouldn't be able to see anything trying to hurt me unless it swam directly into my face. And so that started a thought that occurs just about every time I go swimming in the ocean to this day, almost 40 years later
The water wasnt very deep when it started. Literally less than knee deep but I lost my footing in the wrong place and I was beyond standing by the time I got my sh*t back together. So first it pulled me a little bit out (I think if I was an adult I might have still been able to stand up) and then it pulled me down after I got a little further away from shore.
It was a life lesson:
Kids, don't play where the ocean and the inlet meet!!
Spun out my car on a snow-covered highway, car came to a stop clinging to a guardrail over a cliff.
I had been thinking a lot about killing myself and had been falling ever deeper into depression. I realized I didn't want to die. It was a hugely helpful experience.
Gotta love when possibly fatal accidents save you from yourself.
I was dumb and was trying to climb into a slot canyon with my friends, but I lost my grip and fell 40 feet into the canyon. I landed at the bottom and a rock the size of a basketball lands directly next to my head. It was eerie how in mid free fall your body just locks up, and my thoughts instantly were
"Well, this is it."
"Ah...this sucks...I'm gonna miss date night"
Thinking about the Mrs as I flat-lined. 64 seconds dead and gone before coming back and staying back, thank god.
Two Minutes From Home
SUV made contact with my left side at about 45 mph. I was on a motorcycle at night in the rain. Two minutes from home.
Before impact I saw the lights and said "Sh*t sh*t sh*t!"
As soon as it hit I felt heat. Like bright white heat through my body. It overwhelmed the pain and I couldn't tell where the pain was, just that my whole left side was on fire.
Then I was on the ground. I looked up at the sky through my helmet. I looked left and right and saw I was on my back, and I tried to move my arms and legs. Arms were okay, but when I tried to move my left leg I felt the top half move while the bottom half stayed still, because my femur was broken
I thought I was going to die. I started shaking a little bit and then kept getting worse and worse. I was bleeding out but didn't know it. After they got me in the ambulance I asked if I was going to die. The man told me I wasn't, but based on my condition he couldn't have known that.
I was in a car wreck and I did the whole Jesus Take The Wheel thing and my first thought was "this is NOT happening I am having a bad dream."
I hit my head pretty hard so I ended up fainting shortly after the crash and I don't actually remember anything that happened after I took my hands off the wheel (passenger can confirm I was awake during it, though.)
What I remember rather than being unconscious was saying goodbye to my family again as I was about to go on the long drive. Of course when I recounted this in the hospital they all started bawling.
It was kind of funny to me because at first my brain remembered as if I had not even gone driving yet, so when the EMTs informed me I was in a car accident while I was bleeding from a cut on the head and had a concussion, still trapped under an engine, I replied back "no I wasn't ."
So the answer was complete denial like it was a horrible nightmare I was going to wake up from. Still sometimes hard to feel like it really happened and wasn't just a traumatic nightmare, since I forgot the actual crash and I was pumped full of morphine very quickly after I woke up since they couldn't tell how injured I really was below my chest and feared I might have been disemboweled or something (I wasn't! Broke my femur though and it does in fact hurt like a bitch, don't break your femur. Even getting it set in the hospital WITH morphine it was the worst thing in the world.)
It's all a bit of a blur.
The level of unexplainable calm
I had this while fighting in the Angolan war as a South African conscript.
Our armoured car troop got trapped in an ambush in a minefield and I knew that it was a matter of minutes before one of the incoming RPG7 rockets would find its target. In the middle of the smoke and noise and smell of cordite I was so relaxed, tranquil and at peace. Happy and smiling, I remembered my home and family. and I was bitterly disappointed and felt very cheated when we managed to fight our way out. (Which was weird, because I was the gunner in the vehicle and had never stopped doing what we were trained to do).
I personally think it's to do with regularly high demanding levels of neural activity and the fact that your brain finally recognizes that nothing matters anymore.
I remember my brain shutting down and going into defensive mode and focusing only on what mattered. Instead of the inconceivable deserts of data and rivers of feelings flowing through my mind all that my brain cared about was surviving or doing the right thing if I don't.
People who experience calm at death are the ones who took life seriously, or were forced too.
Might As Well Relax
I was nowhere near actually dying, I was completely safe, it was just a weird mental reaction to some medication I got in the hospital right before they took me into surgery, but for a short time I definitely believed that I was about to die.
My thoughts were "Oh sh*t, I'm gonna die like this? Almost no one dies like this. How dumb. Oh well, I might as well relax." and then I just kind of daydreamed about things I liked and didn't actually die (because I was fine.)
Wife And Baby
I got thrown off of a snowmobile into a river at -35 degrees. I got swept under the ice when I went in, I was stuck down there in full sledding gear unable to swim or find the hole I went in.
It was a surreal feeling being pretty sure I was gonna die, images of my wife and 11 month old daughter kept flowing through my head. Luckily when I hit the bottom of the river I pushed off and through some miracle popped up through the hole I went in.
My riding buddies luckily notice I went missing and came back and were able to pull me out of the river. The 20 kms back to civilization at -35 was definitely the coldest I've ever been. Definitely the scariest moment of my life.
I had a severe episode of tachycardia in a remote area with no cell reception. I was driving alone, pulled off to the side of the road, and I was sure I was having a fatal heart attack. Over 200 bpm, felt like my heart was trying to leap out of my chest.
I got very very calm, and was worried that my husband would forget that I have two life insurance policies, not just one.
I passed out at some point. Woke up fine and drove home.
"God damn that moose is fast."
I held my ground against a bull moose charge because the people with me had frozen up. Thing stopped 4 feet away and we stared down for what felt like hours. My dumbass had slung my rifle and wasn't fast enough to shoulder it
Worked out though because I don't like killing things that don't need killing.
Amazed to see the experience seems pretty universal. In 2006 I almost drowned when I got rolled by a 4m wave. As I began to lose consciousness I thought "Oh, I guess this is how I go. Right now." I felt strangely calm and at peace. At the last second I felt sand touch my foot and I kicked off it with all I had and was able to catch a breath. When I crawled out onto the beach I was so grateful to have experienced what drowning was like. It's not a bad way to go. My mother had drowned the year before.
My lungs collapsed when I was 12. The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was my dad in his Army BVD's. My last thought was:
"Please, any Deity who will listen. Don't let this be the last thing I see on this planet!"
I've been an acute asthmatic since birth and basically I had the worst asthma attack ever. My dad stabbed me with an epi pen and hauled it to the emergency room. The first thing I felt was pure panic because I couldn't breathe enough for a nebulizer to work, then a pounding headache. By the time I lost consciousness it was like fighting a nap as a toddler, I was exhausted but I refused to stop fighting. I don't think my heart stopped completely.
I moved to Oregon in 2018 and not only is my asthma better, I found out what my nose is for!
Seriously, I'm almost 42, and I never was able to smell or breathe through my nose. I thought it was just for bleeding or blowing 😁
I fell out of a vehicle and was still conscious when I landed face-first on the highway when I was 19. After the white flash when my head hit, the first thing I thought was "well, this is f*cking lame."
Mom And Mt. Fuji
I met friend of a friend while walking around town one day. We had dinner and a great conversation, but I didn't think we'd see each other again so soon. The next day he asked if I wanted to join him with another friend to climb Mt. Fuji in a few days. I declined initially as I had never even gone hiking so I had no business going up a mountain. That was until I realized if everything went to plan I could celebrate my birthday on the summit. I didn't have anything else to do so I went along with it.
We started the climb the day before my birthday from the fifth station just before sunset. As we started to get higher I kept seeing signs that showed how far off the summit was. For some reason I thought I could reach the summit before midnight. So when my friends decided to rest for the night on one of the stations I told them I was going to go up to the summit alone because I wanted to get there before midnight.
So I set off alone into the dark with a headlamp I bought from a dollar store. It was the middle of summer but it was still darn cold and the lights from the surrounding cities looked very small. About an hour or so later I started to doubt whether I could reach the summit before midnight. There was absolutely nobody around and I started to feel afraid.
Then I received a call from my mother. She called to wish me happy birthday and we spoke for a while, but I don't remember what we talked about. I was feeling very afraid at this point. I thought this might be the last conversation I would have with her if I died that night but I didn't want her to know how afraid I was, and it was getting late so I told her I loved her and would call her when I got home.
About an hour or so before midnight a fog set in at the top of the mountain. I couldn't see very far ahead of me or any lights from other stations or anywhere for that matter. I didn't have anything to mark distances so I became quickly demoralized. This is when I stopped thinking that I may die alone on Mt. Fuji and started to actually fear for my life.
At this elevation I couldn't breathe very well. I had dropped my Ventolin inhaler at some point and could only climb maybe a few meters at a time before I needed to stop to catch my breath. I was exhausted so I sat down for a while. My body temperature dropped significantly as I sat for over an hour. I was shivering and my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. I had never seen snowfall in my life, but that night on the mountain was the coldest I had ever experienced so far.
It was past midnight. I didn't make it to the summit before my birthday. I was disappointed in myself and regret going alone. I wanted to call my mother and tell her I loved her one last time but she was surely asleep by now. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I started to think that this would have been so much easier if I had just waited with everybody else and climbed together. I hoped somebody would come by and help me to the summit, but nobody did.
I thought that if I had died on Mt. Fuji I'd be another cautionary tale, but for some reason I wasn't ready to die that night. I put myself together and rationalized if I don't start moving my body was going to succumb to the cold. I wasn't sure how far off the summit was but I was sure if I kept crawling for a few meters at a time like before I'd make it eventually.
It turns out the summit wasn't very far away. A mere 10 - 20 meters. I had been sitting at the bottom of the path that leads to the summit station for over an hour feeling sorry for myself thinking I was going to die.
My boyfriend got hit head-on by a car while he was riding a bike. Apparently, it was so quick that his last thought before impact was, "That car looks like it's going really fast."
When he came to, he crawled himself over to a patch of grass and sat down. A paramedic off duty saw the accident happen from her car and told him he was bleeding from his head. My boyfriend replied, "What?"
She repeated herself and he said, "Okay, where are my glasses?"
he ended up relatively unscathed. didn't break any bones but he's got scars all over his body. he used the lawsuit money to get lasik though.
Might Deserve Hell ... and Bianca Del Rio
I tried to kill myself last month, took a ton of pills and called my therapist to apologize, she called my Dad and my Dad hauled me to the ER. I thought I would die faster, which was why I called my therapist when I did, so it was about 30 minutes after I was in the bed in the ER when I started to feel so bad I thought I would die. I was freezing cold, everything was tingling and vibrating and felt mildly painful in a way I don't know how to describe. I felt like all of my insides where pressing against the outside of my body.
I looked over at my Dad and saw his face, and then I really thought I was going to die that instant. I prayed for the first time in my life (other than small prayers like "don't let someone die in a car accident" etc for anxiety) and I said to God "Let me die and go to hell, or to heaven, though I don't think that is an option, or let me live, I'm indifferent. Use your best judgement, but looking at my Dad right now, I understand if you send me to hell. I think I might deserve to go to hell."
Suddenly I felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on me and I felt the most pain I have ever experienced in my life, and I started projectile vomiting the black charcoal they gave me like I was in a horror movie. I was raised atheist, I have only ever prayed as a method to ease my anxiety when I was afraid someone else might die. I guess I might believe in a God now, but I have no idea which one to pick.
A Dope Concert
Spun out after an icy night returning home from a childish Gambino concert. It was slow motion and my fiancée was next to me in the back freaking out.
I put my hand on her leg and just kept telling her it's okay, but in my mind I was convinced this was it. Honestly I went from "oh fck," to "sht well I guess this is it," to "well at least that concert was pretty dope" lol
I was in such excruciating pain that when I started to lose consciousness I was just thankful the pain was finally going to end.
Turns out I was fine, mostly, after surgery, but I still remember that overwhelming feeling of relief that washed over me when I thought it was the end.
Car Crashes And Coherent Thought
"Ugh. Ow. Where's my coat?"
Car accidents don't lend themselves to coherent thought, nor does being in shock afterward. My car was upside down, I'd separated my shoulder, and I probably had a concussion, but I really needed to find my coat.
I feel that. My thoughts after coming to were:
"I'm so glad I didn't kill my dad. Where'd my side mirror go? That smell is weird. I GOTTA PUT MY HAZARDS ON LIKE THEY TAUGHT ME IN DRIVERS ED!"
I put my hazards on, climbed across the car and hopped onto the interstate, and left the key in the ignition. My car was leaking fluid (might have been gasoline, don't remember), still didn't think to turn it off.
I got so concussed I still don't remember a year of my life, but damn it I remembered to turn those hazards on!
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
- People Break Down The Time They Actually Feared For Their Life ... ›
- People Share Their 'I Was THAT Close To Dying' Experiences ... ›
- People Share Their Craziest Near-Death Experiences - George Takei ›
- People Share Their Craziest 'So, This Is How I Die' Experience - George Takei ›
Christmas is upon us. It's time to get those Christmas present lists together.
So... who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Who is getting diamonds and who is getting coal? Yuck, coal. Is that even a thing anymore? Who even started that idea?
There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.
I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.
Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a DifferenceBlockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy
"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...toilet paper help GIFGiphy
"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spinfidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy
"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy
"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
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I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.
Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.
What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?
Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!
People told us all about their own feelings after Redditor MoneySquare5734 asked the online community:
"People of Reddit, what weird sympathies do you have towards inanimate objects?"
"Computers when someone's throwing a fit or tantrum over something like a game lag, buffering or general software issues. Like dude, get angry at the real cause not the hardware thats essentially just the messenger."
We really mistreat our hardware sometimes, don't we? Going to apologize to my computer now.
"I think we're okay now..."
"I once slapped my iPad when it was being slow, then instinctively hugged it and apologised afterwards. I think we’re okay now but the level of trust definitely isn’t what it used to be."
Serves you right! You have a lot to make up for!
"I have way too much emotion..."
"I have way too much emotion invested in my Roomba. Especially as I only have one charging station, so when it's running in my living room/hallway, it can never get back to base as there's a step in the way."
"Usually feel guilty when I come home and find it stuck in some corner, knowing that it literally ran until exhaustion trying to find its home."
I do not have a Roomba but my friend has one and I think he has the opposite reaction. I think he mistreats his!
"All my dollar bills..."
"All my dollar bills need to face up in my wallet, otherwise I get the feeling those Georges and Lincolns are uncomfortable."
I think I do this too. I did not ask to be attacked like this.
"If I see..."
"If I see a really ugly plush toy at a thrift store, I feel compelled to buy it because I feel like it will just get thrown away. So now I have quite a few ugly plushies. I love them."
Aww, they now have a home with you and they must be so happy!
"I guess in general..."
"Abandoned toys. I guess in general I just feel so bad for any inanimate object that is no longer serving its purpose."
How many toys end up in the dump each year, I wonder? And how many of them are plotting their revenge as we speak?
"So I transferred everything..."
"I got a new cellphone not too long ago. So I transfered everything to my new phone but I didn't turn off the old phone afterward."
"This happened late on a Sunday and the next morning my old phone still rang to wake me up and I was somewhat sad that it still thought it was my current phone and that it still had the duty to wake me in the morning."
The feelings this stirred up... I did not know it was possible to feel this way!
"I am very appreciative..."
"Sometimes I give my car a pat on the dashboard and say thank you. It has carried me so many thousands of miles and i am safe. I am very appreciative of its hard work."
Aww. I don't have a car, but I get this! And your car appreciates YOU!
"When I was a kid..."
"When I was a kid I spent a whole afternoon feeding pebbles to a small drain outside my house because I thought it was hungry."
Okay, this is cute – and totally something a little kid would do!
"There's a thing I call..."
"There’s a thing I call 'mechanical empathy.' If you emotionally attach to your bike or car you’ll be kinder and more gentle to it."
"Some people are really rough on cars and other machinery, it’s painful to drive with them."
I was in a car recently with a driver who got a bad case of road rage and just slammed her hands on the dashboard whenever she was upset. That poor car!
Who knew we could feel so attached to the inanimate objects around us? Humans are fascinating creatures. We're capable of a lot of love and empathy, even for the smallest things.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
Cut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
Not The Cool Old Guy
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
Since We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
Why Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
Real talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
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Do all mothers go to the say mom school or something? Because they seem to share the same advice or go on the same platitudes, don't they?
Here's an idea.
Maybe they're just older, have more experience, and are trying to keep us from being dumbasses in public. At least, that's what I think.
I'm definitely grateful for my mother's advice—it's saved me more than once—and it seems many out there are too. And they all seem to have heard the same things from their mothers, too.
Any of these sound familiar? They probably do, and we heard all about them after Redditor lame_excuses asked the online community,
"What are some things all moms say?"
"I'll go first..."
"I'll go first: 'So if your friend jumped off a cliff would you jump off too?"
Okay, my mother did not say this, but all my friends' mothers did.
"We have fun."
"My mom always made me put on a coat when we went outside, even if I wasn't cold, simply because she was cold."
"Now that I'm an adult, she no longer tells me this but instead I complain about being cold and ask, indignantly, why no one told me to put in a coat."
"We have fun."
I want a documentary crew to follow you both around. It'd be hilarious.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
"When you lose something."
- Have you tried looking for it?
- Have you looked everywhere?
- Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
George Carlin knew what he was talking about. RIP.
"You know Glynis? She's your aunt's mother-in-law's close friend. Anyway, she died last week."
"I have eyes..."
"I have eyes in the back of my head."
"My mom used to say that to my sister and I so we wouldn't be sneaky behind her back. One day she was washing the dishes and I came up behind her with my two fingers and poked her right where I assumed her back eyes would be. She shouted, 'Ouch!' I believed her for years!!"
I was convinced of this too! Damn, my mother was good.
"I had some friends over..."
"I had some friends over when I was a teenager, and I bet them I could get my mom to say the word 'food.'"
"Hey, mom, what's for dinner?"
"Worked every time."
You both clearly planned this!
"When at the billing counter..."
"When at the billing counter every mom has the maternal instinct to say - 'Just stay in the line, I need to go grab a few more things.'"
This is my mother.
How many times have I dealt with this?!
“It’s because you didn’t drink enough water."
BUT I DO!!
"If you have siblings..."
"If you have other siblings and they’re trying to yell at you they will call you by all your other siblings' names before they get to yours. Usually starting with the oldest and working their way backwards."
Good thing my family was small!
"My Mum used to use it all the time..."
"'Soon.'" An indeterminate time frame from 5 minutes to several hours. My Mum used to use it all the time to deflect stupid questions like 'When is dinner?'"
"Answer: she always, always served it around 6 pm."
It's true! My mother would do this – and still does this. And we definitely don't eat as early as that!
Confirmed: All mothers meet for the annual mother convention to say all–and I do mean ALL–of these things to their kids.
Anything missing, though? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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