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People Reveal Their Best 'My Parents Are Going To Kill Me' Stories

Breaking curfew. Skipping school. Speeding. Sneaking internet porn. We do stuff as kids we know will get us into trouble, and half the fun is talking our way out of it. Parents are always one step ahead...

cloudlessnine8 asked: What was your "Oh sh*t my life is over my parents are gonna kill me" moment you had as a child/teen?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


This is curious and sounds fun.

I put my cheap gel pens in a microwave when I was 11 because they wouldn't work and my teacher told me that it's because the ink has 'frozen'. Let's say I had to work extra that summer so I could get a new microwave.

whimsical_warrior

When I was home alone, I put a metal spoon in the microwave and the microwave kind of blew up with a spark and died. I told my parents it just stopped working but didn't know why. Was so worried. When I told them as an adult, they said they knew.

ccc_dsl

Your teacher doesn't sound too bright.

The_Big_Red89

90's kids problems.

For a month I kept taking the internet cord from my parents room and running it to the living room. Plugging it in the TV box. I was washing the dishes when my dad started reading out the porn titles on the bill....

Bluejay5701

As a 2000s kid, stories like these always fascinate me.

BrokeUniStudent69

Same. We were there, but not actually there.

HyperLordXP

You were already on thin ice.

Every single day my mom told me to be careful near the frozen pond next to our house.

One day enough snow melted in order for my friends and I to play soccer in the field next to the pond. As you can guess at one point the ball ended up dead center in the middle of the pond on the ice.

My child brain figured if I could throw a stick on the ice, it was safe to walk on. So after making sure the ice was stable by throwing not one but two sticks, I started my walk to get the ball. It was like a scene from a movie, I reached the center and the second I picked up the ball and attempted to turn around I fell straight through the ice and went under. I had to break the ice the entire way back to shore and had my clothes dried at a friend's house a few blocks away. By the time I got there I thought I was on my deathbed but I could never tell my mom I was dumb enough to go out there or she would have probably killed me.

I'm now 26 and have still never told my parents I did that lol.

VosTelvannis

Points for honesty.

This story takes place in the mid 90s.

I was 16. Skipping school out f*cking around in my car with friends. Took a turn too fast and put the car in a ditch. We got the car out of the ditch with the help of a passerby. Not a scratch on it by some miracle.

Get home and dad asks "So how was school?" in a way that told me he knew full well I wasn't at school. If there is one thing my father instilled in me it is this: no matter how bad you f*ck up, lying about it will only make it worse. Own up, take your punishment and don't do it again.

So I told him exactly what happened. He couldn't really take the car away. I'd purchased it (from him for full trade in value) out of money I'd saved from working at a pizza joint. But he found other ways to make my life a living hell for a few months after that.

Come to find out, the good Samaritan who helped us out of the ditch was a coworker of my dad who recognized the car and had called dad to let him know about my adventures.

zombiemann

Haha, I saw a family member at a red light once when I was skipping school. He asked me why I wasn't in school and I said, you never saw me and drove away. He never told my parents! Thanks Leo!

LydierBear

Nope nope nope.

When I was 12, we were visiting my mom's family for Christmas and staying at my aunt's house like we usually did. Behind her house was a creek that ran through most of the neighborhood. This particular year, it had been really cold and there was snow at least 6" deep in most places.

I was playing out in the snow and looked back at the creek and saw some really weird icicles that I wanted to get a closer look at. I crossed a fallen log to get to the opposite side of the creek, facing the back of my aunt's house, and walked along the bank looking at the ice. Basically the creek was flowing and not frozen, but there was a shelf that had frozen above it and the ice hanging from it had formed into teardrop shapes instead of the typical spikes I was used to seeing.

As I walked, I neglected to see a patch of ice on the bank in front of me and stepped on it with my full weight. I slipped and slid fully into the creek, which was way deeper than I had anticipated. I was wearing a winter coat, jeans, and insulated boots, all of which became incredibly heavy when they got wet.

I was up to my armpits, trying desperately to stay afloat in freezing cold water and heavy clothes. My only thought was, "My mom is going to be so pissed."

Obviously I survived that incident. I pulled myself out, stumbled up the bank to a building that I thought was a YMCA and turned out to actually be a fire station. They called my mom, she came to get me, no harm, no foul and I was not in any trouble...although my entire family still mocks me and asks if I'd like to go for a swim every Christmas.

SheaRVA

It's always the preacher's kids...

I was 17. Drove my girlfriend home from school. We ended up in the shower together. Just as we turned off the water and she was stepping out, we hear her dad open the front door of the house. Of course my truck is in the driveway so he knows I'm there, but I'm nowhere else in the house obviously. My short life flashed before my eyes.

He came stomping down the hallway and banged on the bathroom door. My girlfriend, wrapped in a towel, answered the door and lied her ass off, "he's is down the street at [one of our friends house]. I told him I'd call when I was out of the shower." Meanwhile, I'm standing frozen and shriveled in the shower behind the curtain preparing to meet the here after.

Married that girl. Been together 26 years.

Edit: obligatory gold thanks! Lol. This blew up. I also replied to a few questions below.... Including how I got out of the predicament.

Also, my wife is a preacher's kid. Her dad was one of my two pastors growing up.. ...

TheSpanxxx

Not the pillows!

When I was 6, I spilled grape juice on the tan carpet in the living room. I put a pillow over it, laid on the pillow, and vowed that I would stay there the rest of my life so my parents would never find out. I lasted about 45 minutes. My mom was more upset that I got grape juice on the pillow, rather than the carpet.

warriorgramma

When I was 28 I spilled a gallon of house paint on my basement carpet. We put a rug over it. You had a solid plan.

Bouperbear

Good guy cop.

Getting pulled over by 3 police cars for doing 70 in a 45. My dad happened to call as I was talking with the officers. They asked to speak with him. After a few min they handed the phone back and said "you better go home, that is going to be worse than the ticket we are giving you" that was a whole lot of yelling at home.

NYankee1927

You only got a ticket for doing 70 in a 45?

wfamily

They didn't actually get a speed reading on me, it was only estimated.

NYankee1927

Kids used to play outside.

When I was about 8 my sister (10) and I used to play around the neighborhood with other kids, but we had to be home by 8pm or when the streetlights came on, whichever came first. We had a watch on and every evening my mum would make sure that we had one with us and it was working. One evening we were 20 minutes late, and it was the second time that week (if we were late twice in a week we weren't allowed to go out the rest of the week). My sister and I were talking by the back garden gate making up excuses why we were late and making sure we were both on the same page in case she questioned us. We opened the gate to go inside and my mum was standing on the other side of the gate, arms folded. That was a life flashed before my eyes moment.

WrackspurtsNargles

A friend and I did this upon sneaking back in to the house. We thought we made it- slid in through the dark house without waking the dog, eased my normally cranky bedroom door opened. We both slipped in, latched it quietly and turned on the light, saying "f*ck yeah, we did it!".

My mom was sitting on my bed.

berthejew

Granny wasn't playing games.

So we live in a two story colonial. My parents are away on vacation.

I'm in the yard and tossing a baseball up in the air and catching it, just a 9 year old entertaining myself. I think to myself, "hey let's loft it onto the first split level roof and then it'll roll off and I'll catch it!"

Second toss, CRASH, shatter sister's window.

Grandma was babysitting. Grandma reported. I was smoked.

cricket1918

Your grandma snitched on you?

NotYourLocalPolice

She sang like a canary.

cricket1918

"Never go against the family" Time to call a hit on your grandma.

NotYourLocalPolice

She's the Italian one. I'd have to go to her to place the hit.

cricket1918

People Reveal Their Picks For All-Time Worst Fast Food Restaurant

Reddit user Soy_tu_papi_ asked: 'What’s the worst fast food restaurant?'

Burger and fries on plate
Photo by Haseeb Jamil on Unsplash

A lot of things have gone downhill since the pandemic, and it's made the whole process of bouncing back from those two to three years that much harder.

One thing we can all agree on is the quality of the food that we now find in restaurants, especially the fast-food joints we used to frequent and hit the drive-thru for on the drive home.

Curious what other people thought, Redditor Soy_tu_papi asked:

"What's the worst fast food restaurant?"

Eat... Expensive, Not Fresh

"Subway. The ingredients don't taste fresh. They don't give you enough meat or cheese. The bread tastes sweet. It's not even that cheap anymore."

- Brilliant-Mango-4

There for the Nostalgia

"Tim Hortons. We’re nostalgic for a time when they made fresh donuts and great soup and sandwiches. But that was more than 20 years ago and now everything is just heated from frozen garbage with garbage dish water coffee."

"The only reason they’re around is nostalgia and convenience. Americans for the most part didn’t fall for their crap when they expanded south because they didn’t have one on every corner, and they don’t have the nostalgia, and they already have a s**tty coffee and donut place called Dunkin."

- Strain128

Microwaved Soup

"Really, we all going to pretend like Panera is not fast food?"

- WelderNo6075

"It’s not fast. It's always a 20-minute wait."

- Greedy-Time-3637

"For microwaved soup."

- InsertBlueScreenHere

Hospital Food. Gourmet Prices

"Panera. For when you want hospital food, but you can’t afford the $127,209.00 hospital bill."

- BarnacleMcBarndoor

"Yeah, it’s only $126,208 for Panera."

- sherlock----75

"There is a similar yet worse than Panera hospital food restaurant called Atlanta Bread Company. How these two hell holes stay in business, I have no idea."

- GrandUnhappy9211

New Horizons

"I think KFC abandoned the American market and put all its resources into the Asian market, because omg KFC in Korea is something else. The chicken is breaded perfectly, with no mouth-destroying rock-hard breading and the ratio of breading to actual chicken meat is perfectly balanced."

"Also, the sauce selection; they have so many good sauces. The fries were great too."

- LolitasDaniel

RIP, Potato Wedges

"In my opinion, KFC. They got rid of their beloved potato wedges. The only thing I got there anymore was those and the mashed potatoes."

- dirtymoney

"Wendy’s breakfast potatoes almost fill that hole in my heart."

- Karsa69246

Those Darn Screens

"Any of them that have replaced their menu boards with TV screens that change every 15 seconds so I can't find the price of anything."

- xkulp8

"I hate the TVs. Maybe I'm just a bitter old guy, but they really don't seem to be an improvement. There's just too much going on, and it's too bright. Sure, it's probably more convenient for menu/price changes. But when you add in the cost and electronic waste, it doesn't feel like a net gain."

- BumpyMcBumps

No Longer Affordable

"McDonald’s. They’ve forgotten their role as the place I eat at because I’m broke, probably drunk, and want to fill up for a few bucks. Have you seen their prices lately!?"

- Jlace001

"A quarter pounder meal is over $10. $4 More bucks and you can get a chills old-timer and fries. And they always park you, so not very 'fast,' unless you are talking about the stomach cramps you get after."

- Eric12345678

Define 'Pizza'

"Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready is for when your manager promises you a pizza party when you exceed your sales goal and buys enough for one piece a person, but he's been talking up this party he's going to throw for you all week, so you come in on your day off and see two Hot-N-Ready boxes sitting there and some Dixie cups for water. Sometimes nothing is better, STEVE."

- cold08

"The secret technique for Lil Caesars is to give it another few minutes in the oven/under the broiler at home until it's to your liking."

- KaRabbit

The Great Pizza of the Past

"It hurts me to say this, but Pizza Hut."

"Back in the 80s and early 90s, Pizza Hut was amazing! It's somehow worse than Dominos now. It's a f**king travesty."

- Ocku2

"Their marinara sauce with breadsticks is watery now..."

"My friend and I used to ride our bikes there and play Pac-Man in eighth grade. Their breadsticks and sauce were amazing."

- KkdBaby

Small and Stale

"Whataburger is very hit or miss depending on the individual location. It was also better before it sold out and went national."

- HoovesCarveCrater

"It used to be so good, but it's so bad now. Earlier in the year, I went, and I got a stale bun with a tiny piece of meat they called a hamburger. Then I stupidly went again months later, and got the chicken sandwich. Both the bread and chicken were somehow stale. Never again, it's not worth it."

- user_base56

Belly Bombers, Indeed

"White Castle. I ate there once, and I now know what it feels like to reject an organ."

- flyzapper

"I have a stomach of steel when it comes to fast food. Not even Taco Bell gives me an above-average s**t. But when it comes to White Castle, some things just can't be saved."

- STILETTO_exists

A Rise in Poor Management

"Sonic used to be good."

"I feel for the two workers running the whole place. There used to be a lot of staff to handle the load."

"But now I feel bad going there simply because it's unfair to the workers. Which means corners get cut, things aren't clean, people aren't happy and workers end up catching the blame because there aren't enough of them."

"They really need to get it together. And treat their customers and employees right. It's going to kill their business."

- That_90s_Kid_

"The only Sonic near me stopped serving onion rings, which to me is their best side. And they take for-f**king-ever now to get you food, and half the time it's wrong or half-a**ed. I used to love Sonic, and I still want to and will go there, but every time it's a let-down in some form."

- SweetCosmicPope

"Sonic used to give their managers minority ownership as part of their compensation package. The result was highly motivated managers. Unfortunately, they had to work 80 to 90 hours a week. I thought about getting onboard with them but after using two weeks of vacation from my current job to work there, unpaid, I quickly decided smelling like French fries 24 hours a day, seven days a week was a very bad idea."

- the_beeve

A Series of Failures

"A bad KFC is tough to top, but there are still some amazing ones out there. The key is that it’s busy enough to have fresh chicken and a few employees that aren’t strung out. Not all. Just some."

"Burger King increasingly tastes like the burgers from my elementary school that sat in that weird burger water after being boiled in its own juices. I like their nuggets though."

"What even is Jack in the Box? It’s just some random assortment of food you take kids who can’t agree on what hot garbage they want to eat so you go here and make everyone unhappy."

"I’ve been to Whataburger once and it was bad, but since it’s crazy popular, I assume maybe it was just a bad experience and it was in AZ vs TX."

"I feel like I’m left with Little Caesars at this point, as the person buying those godawful hot and ready things is the epitome of a desperate person just trying to fill their children’s with ‘pizza’, thus the reason why there are any in existence."

- bowindine

So Real for This Answer

"Basically, every single one since the pandemic."

- MythicalMango123

"Dine-in prices for dollar store flavors."

- WannaBeTraveler87

"This is the answer. They are all awful now."

- chris1out

Especially for those of us who had the pleasure of experiencing these food places in the 80s, 90s, and maybe the very earls 2000s, it's terrible to think of how much these places have declined now.

As some Redditors have said, it's almost not worth going to these places anymore. We'd rather preserve the happy memories of going there with our families and friends rather than go for an unhappy meal now.

Red flag
Carson Masterson/Unsplash

If it wasn't for our inner voices warning us about various life predicaments, who knows where we'd end up?

When a salesperson for a product works their charm to persuade us, our instincts may tell us not to rush into purchasing due to the suspicious quality of the product.

When a prospective date shows up in person and they just don't match the impression you got during the online interaction, your gut is telling you to back away.

But sometimes, the warning signs don't come from you.

Strangers online weighed in with their experiences about being tipped off whenRedditor asked:

"What is the biggest red flag you have come across?"

These Redditors discuss polyamory and how it may or may not apply to them.

About Unfaithfulness

"Used polyamory as a scape goat for cheating."

– Helix_On_The_Hill

"I have a friend who claims to be poly. Then she confessed to me that she and her partner hadn't had sex in over a year, supposedly because her prescription meds lowered her libido - so she declared to him she was asexual. Partner just apparently went with it. Last year we went on a group trip overseas, and she immediately f'ked a stranger she met. She told her partner, which made him pretty upset (and he didn't do anything about it other than bottle it up), and that caused some tension during the trip."

"She then explained to me that it's okay to be poly and at the same time refuse to have sex with your primary partner. She offered a compromise to her partner that she would see a sex therapist."

"I ended up biting my tongue (this person reacts badly to getting feedback) and lost a lot of respect for them as a friend, because of the way she treated her partner when it came to sex."

– monkeychasedweasel

Common Strategy

"My Ex used the 'poly so I can cheat' strategy twice because she was disinterested in me. I would go into more detail but I’ve mostly chalked it up to a learning experience, moved on and mostly forgot about it."

"The other thing is that I can be a very clingy person and that’s why the strategy was so effective."

– Helix_On_The_Hill

Updating Your Significant Other

"I decided I'm poly and we're in an open relationship, sorry I didn't tell you until after I cheated".

– anon

"I'm poly. Every once and a while (really only ever seen it online), I'll hear about someone 'coming out' to their partner as poly. Grosses me the hell out."

– petrasdc

Full Transparency

"I would figure that's something you'd mention pretty early on to a potential new partner. Not go 'This isn't what it looks like!' In the middle of things."

– Mike7676

Anger issue is all the rage.

Tipping Point

"I've said it here before on my old account, the biggest red flag is quick to anger. If their default emotion is anger, that's unhealthy. I'm talking about snapping over the smallest mistakes/things. Over the top anger reactions. Any volatile reactions that do not match the situation are huge red flags."

– Practical_Reindeer23

Relationship On The Rocks

"My partner got angry with me while I was having a moment of big overstimulation when we were at a concert, because I physically could not communicate (sometimes that freeze mode really takes hold) and he was trying to get me to leave, as his way of 'fixing' the situation. I at least shook my head no, because I was waiting on the band I wanted to see play, I just couldn’t physically vocalize. I was definitely very tense and was dealing with a lot of ticks, which isn’t normally how I get, but I was trying to handle it on my own, using tapping techniques and things. He got angry that I didn’t do as he wanted and that I didn’t vocalize a response, 'it’s not that hard when someone asks a question for you to answer.'"

"We’ve been together for 7 years and have gone through a roller coaster of changes/self development. But I exploded once I ended up giving in to his wants and leaving the venue."

"I don’t feel supported or listened to or validated, ever. Everything outside of his mindset doesn’t matter to him so why bother discussing anything."

"I hate it here."

– Virtual-Moment-9132

As if first dates weren't already nerve-wracking.

Dating Nature Boy

"The guy would ONLY go on dates in the woods at night. I’m not even kidding. I’d suggest a movie night or a restaurant I wanted to try but it was shut down immediately because he only did dates in the woods. Worst part is I went on 3 of them before I cut him off."

– PixelatedBats

Flashing Warning Sign

"I made out with a guy on a party. He told me 'I have to warn you: I'm really an a**hole.' I was pretty taken aback, then thanked him for the warning and avoided him for the rest of the night."

– skanus_cepelinai

Having Strict Parents

"She asked her mother for permission to eat meat. A 30 year old with a full time job."

– yumsilly

"I had a coworker who had a family tracking app on her phone, but it was her parents tracking her. She was 25."

"She thought it was normal or not a big deal. Her mom would flip out if she did something like go shopping at lunch or spend too much time at the gym."

"Apparently, her mom was super paranoid she was secretly dating 'inferior' men and not the ones she was trying to set up for her daughter."

– ohlookahipster

Year ago I met a guy who was super sweet at work, and there seemed to be a mutual attraction.

However, I didn't jump to pursue anything with him, especially after I found out through a mutual friend that we had conflicting interests.

He was into Nazi uniforms and paraphernalia.

I gradually started disassociating with him because I didn't need that in my life.

It just goes to show, you never really know about a person, even if everything else seems perfect about him.

Golden Gate Bridge
Photo by Ben Harritt on Unsplash

Those living in the world's most well-known cities might be lucky enough to be in the vicinity of iconic landmarks, such as the Empire State Building, Big Ben, or the Golden Gate Bridge.

Then too, some people might live in a town that might not have any places that are popular photo ops, but have a distinguished legacy all their own, such as Salem, Massachusetts or Bentonville, Arkansas.

Of course, even if they don't make the travel guides or the history books, just about every city or town in the world has its own claim to fame.

Some that residents proudly promote, others that people hope never get any major attention outside of town lines.

Redditor Worried-Stable-9963 was eager to hear the biggest claim to fame of people's hometowns, leading them to ask:

"What's the most iconic thing where you live?"

Think Carefully Before Taking A Group Shop...

"Blucifer."

"The giant blue horse sculpture that killed the sculptor."

"It has shining red eyes and is NOT helping the DIA conspiracy rumors."- BeastmodeBallerina

"The [Place] Where It Happen[ed]"...

"Alexander Hamilton was shot in the famous duel in 1804, right down the street from where I live." - Reddit

Bibliophiles Rejoice!

"'Anne of Green Gables'."

"And potatoes."

"But the cruise ships of Asian tourists ain’t here for the spuds."- Blue_Moon_Rabbit

martin sheen marilla cuthbert GIF by PBSGiphy

Doesn't Have Quite The Same Ring To It!

"A Golden Gate bridge that is orange."- CalGoldenBear55

Talk About Nickel And Dime...

"We have two actually."

"A Giant Nickel and the World's tallest Smoke Stack that I refer to as the world's tallest cigarette or 'dart'."- GrungusDnD

"My Kind Of Town..."

"The Sears Tower and Lake Shore Drive."- Acceptable-Yak7968

Beer Pong Chicago GIF by BPONGofficialGiphy

For Writer's Needing Inspiration

"Cannery row."- Zealousideal-Bug7138

"Driving there from San Jose is a nice drive through Steinbeck country."- kathatter75

The True Spirit Of St. Louis

"The Gateway Arch."- NowForMy2ndAct

"That’s the only thing here besides the Cardinals."- Andrew_The_Soviet

The Air Is Full Of Spices...

"Old Bay seasoning."- AlmostSane67

"Natty Boh too?"- i_love_ankh_morpork·

old bay japan GIFGiphy

All Roads Lead To Oregon...

"Mt. Hood, probably."

"Any part of the city with a bit of elevation you can look over on a nice day and see a snow covered volcano towering 11,000ft / 3350m over you."

"Doesn't quite compare to seeing Tahoma (Mt Rainier) from the Seattle area, but still cool."

"Also on a crystal clear day, driving north across the Saint John's Bridge, you can see Mt Hood, Mt Adam, Mt St Helen's, and Rainier all at the same time."

"Also the Portland 'White Stag' billboard."

"Hard to miss that one."- Beekatiebee

How Many People Run The Steps, But Don't Go In The Museum...

"Rocky steps."- Bulky_Ad_3608

"I was more impressed by imperfect love when I visited."- Brok3n_wind

He's Out There Somewhere...

"Mothman."- Deputy_Beagle76

"No recent sightings that I know of."

"But Point Pleasant does have a yearly Mothman Festival that’s really popular."- Deputy_Beagle76

Giphy

Take Flight...

"Birthplace of the Wright Brothers, Air Force base, uhhhh."

"Yeah."- carolinethebandgeek

Don't Forget Your Beignets...

"Bourbon Street and Mardi Gras."- The_Pug

Jolly Old England!

"I live in the oldest town in England."

"We have the oldest church in the world."

"My house dates to the 10th century."

"Come at me bro."- schnitzelvk

World Cup Football GIF by Manne NilssonGiphy

Every town and city in the world will be remembered for something.

Even if some might only be remembered by its residents.

white and gray round plastic decor
Photo by Agent J on Unsplash

About 10 or so years ago, my brother got really into the Illuminati. He spent hours reading and researching and knew everything about the Illuminati. He could recite lectures when asked. I used to tease him about being a conspiracy theorist.

Then, I met a new friend of his. My brother and his friend bonded over their obsession with the Illuminati, but I never teased my brother again. That's because, after meeting his friend, I realized I had it easy.

My brother's friend constantly talked about the Illuminati. He'd find a way to bring every conversation back to the Illuminati or relate every action or word of the Illuminati. My brother only talked about this when asked. His friend didn't even need the slightest prompting.

That was when I first learned that people who are really deep into conspiracy theories show signs that they're deep into it. I'm not the only one who knows this. Redditors know that there are signs people show when they're deep into conspiracy theories and are eager to share what those signs are.

It all started when Redditor sheerduckinghubris asked:

"What is a sign someone is way too deep into conspiracy theories?"

No Tech Please

"An extended family-member-in-law keeps the Wifi router and all other TVs and communication devices, aside from their cell phones, in their house unplugged. If you want to use them while visiting, you have to ask permission, plug them in, then unplug them when you are done. They’re legit afraid of 5G and other radio waves on their physical and mental health, and seriously believe that” the government” is listening and tracking everything they do."

"I always remind them that “the government” is literally other humans that you can interact with, possibly your neighbors that sit on elected and voluntary boards and councils, and not some arbitrary anonymous “the government” entity."

"Them: But but “they’re” poisoning our water!"

"Me: Who? You mean Bill, the director of public works? Let’s call and ask him."

"Them: You can’t just call “them.”"

"Me: Actually, you can, let’s call Bill and ask him if he’s poisoning your water, and while we’re at it, let’s call Tom the major and ask if he’s trying to mind control you."

– jklolffgg

Social Media Signs

"I have a friend from college who has gone down this route. My only reference at this point is the rants he posts on Facebook. But everyone starts out the same: "Facebook keeps taking this down and flagging it because they don't want you to know the truth........""

– CoolHandRK1

"I'm sure this friend has no problem with the cognitive dissonance of "private businesses should be able to do whatever they want" and "I'm being CENSORED by SOCIAL MEDIA.""

– HaveAWillieNiceDay

Too Far Gone

"I think when they start fearing 5G or saying the earth is flat/stop brushing their teeth...I'm good."

– unmistakably

"Wait what stop brushing their teeth?"

– notaveryuniqueuser

"I could be wrong but I think they are scared of fluoride."

– ConnerennoC

"yep. that AND they think their diet makes it so they don't have to brush their teeth. YOU'RE WRONG. I CAN SMELL YOU."

– unmistakably

"This reminds me of how Steve Jobs insisted that he didn't need to bath or wear deodorant because his fruitarian diet flushed his body of mucus so he couldn't smell bad, but everyone around him could smell how utterly wrong he was."

– lesbowski

Signs Of A Shot

"I have a buddy from college who lost his mind during COVID. Now he posts all sorts of weird things on FB. Any time anyone of note dies it’s, “I bet they got the jab! No one just DIES for no reason!”"

– Prsop2000

"I’m a funeral director and embalmer and I had a guy call me one day and ask if I had seen white threads in the blood of people who had died and gotten the Covid shot. MFer how the hell am I going to know if they got vaxxed or not? I had another dude tell me conspiratorially that he knew I was seeing the white threads in blood because other funeral directors had told him that. Uh no they didn’t."

– PsychoticMessiah

Check Out My Ride

"Stickers all over the car."

– harajukukei

"I’ll do you one better. Saw a white beater car with conspiracy theories written all over it in sharpie."

– Ct-5736-Bladez

"My neighborhood has one...I always give it a wide berth..."

– breakermw

Eels, Energize!

"They have conspiracy theories that you’re not ready for."

– Telrom_1

"Like throwing your used car batteries into the ocean so the electric eels can charge."

– One-Permission-1811

"Where do you think the electric eels get their energy from?"

– unsmartkid

Free Thinkers

"They wear a "Warning: Free Thinker" tee shirt to Costco."

– flibbidygibbit

"Ironically mass produced and bought by "free thinkers.""

– mr_remy

"They need a Costco card to shop at Costco. Doesn't that concern them? Why does Costco need to know their names and addresses and keep records of their purchases?"

– CoralSkinRot

Cheeto Hands

"When professionals like doctors and historians are lying but some rando on YouTube in his basement with LED lights in the background and Hot Cheeto cheese on his fingers is telling them the REAL truth about (insert topic here)."

– Late_Comedian_5269

Medical Quacks

"What I find even worse are the (very few, but loud) doctors and other professionals who fall down the rabbit hole and give a bunch of false information. They become a beacon to other nut jobs.

Which is crazy because these nut jobs have 0 trust in doctors but once they find a crazy doctor who shares their opinions, they suddenly trust that one specific doctor."

"The regulatory boards need to remove these doctors who spread harmful messages."

– DantesEdmond

"This happened with the "autism is caused by vaccinations" doctor. He was stripped of his medical license for the insane amount of damage he did with that campaign."

– agolec

"They often do strip them of licenses or whatever the equivalent is in what field they're in. The problem is that for many conspiracy theorists, that's simply proof that the "expert" is right and "they" are trying to hide it by attempting to destroy the person's credibility. Unfortunately, people can delude themselves into believing almost anything."

– CityofOrphans

It's Always Them

"They say something like "It's all a distraction. You see, they don't want you to know what's really going on.""

"Then when you ask them what they think is "really going on", they laugh and call you a "sheeple".

– BubbhaJebus

The Flat-Earthers

"When they install satellite dishes but don't understand how the satellites stay in space because the earth is flat."

"True story when I had satellite internet installed."

– Dijiwolf1975

Chicken Little

"They all have a look in their eye's that screams "the sky is falling". Hyper aware, anxious, paranoid, easily triggered."

– buffslens

Talk Talk Talk

"Don't worry, they'll tell you."

– FishAndRiceKeks

"Yes. And every video they post is from a dude sitting in a car. Just endless dudes in trucks and cars, that's who they get their news from."

– PreferredSelection

"I have a few friends who fell down the rabbit hole."

"The most tell tale sign is that it's literally all they will talk about. At all. Every convo you have? Back to conspiracies, Illuminati, QAnon, pizzagate, the elite, the NWO (not the wrestling kind...)... heavy fixation on Covid.... etc.. Every single one.

"Most of them sound VERY uneducated, but think they solved some master life puzzle. Some may be sovereign citizens."

"Another obvious one... I had one friend who ghosted me. I finally got a hold of him and asked him what's up and he said "well it's because you're a deep state spy.""

– BlackIsTheSoul

"There is this tour provided by this lady in Seattle visiting 90s Seattle music landmarks. It's typically small groups. Around 6 people when I did the tour."

"Most of them sound VERY uneducated, but think they solved some master life puzzle. Some may be sovereign citizens."

"In the middle of the tour, we stopped by a pub for a drink and just to talk. One of them was this US Army dude who tagged along with his wife. 3 minutes after talking about the places we just visited he started telling me his opinion on how certain events like 9-11 were actually perpetrated by the government."

– muthaflicka

"I nodded, and immediately got up and told him I wanted to check out the album covers being displayed on this wall."

"He was around 30-ish, fit, looked sharp and smart, and spoke eloquently about other things. Caught me off-guard."

– muthaflicka

"This is the answer."

"Most of these people have zero self awareness and will reveal themselves pretty early lol."

– nsfwtttt

Yup, that's the biggest sign (and the one my brother's friend gave me)!