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People Who Knew A Murderer Break Down Whether They Noticed Any Red Flags Or Not

Person wearing a skull mask and shushing the camera
Max Bender/Unsplash

What separates a human being from a monster?

It's an age-old question about humanity. How is a species that is born out of love and blessed with the ability for critical thinking and making others happy capable of committing unspeakable acts of horror?

The scary thing is anyone is capable of the worst kind of crime–taking another's life.

Does it take one unfortunate moment in a fit of rage or cross paths with the wrong individual resulting in a person snapping and killing someone?

Or, are some of us born with the murder gene?


To answer these questions, Redditor akd432 dug deep into the dark side of humanity and asked:

"People who know murderers, were there any signs that something was off? If so, what were they?"

It could be anyone.

It Started With The Barking Dog

"One of my former co workers decided to shoot a house all because a dog was barking in the back yard of a different house, went on a shooting spree killing the entire family except for the infant that was on the second floor."

"Only thing that was off was his drinking problem."

– Car_loapher

The Friend's Brother

"I’ve met several after the fact, but this is about one I met weeks before the murder."

"My then-husband and I were hanging out and met up with a friend of his and the friend’s girlfriend. The friend gets a call from his brother and invites him join us. The brother arrives, and pretty soon afterwards, the whole vibe changed."

"My ex knew both men since all three were kids, so he was relaxed enough to start drinking around them. I was babysitting a wine cooler because I’m the next thing to a teetotaler and was the designated driver. I kept noticing the brother staring at me, but tried to ignore it, but it quickly became very uncomfortable. I’m nothing special to look at facially, I got the mom-bod on lock, and I was with my husband."

"The brother then asks me why I’m not drinking. I explained that I’m not a real drinker and added that I like to be aware of who and what’s around me. So he asked my husband why I wasn’t drinking. I don’t remember his response, but dude looks at me and says 'we need to get you drunk.'”

"I left to go sit in the car, because wtf was that. I didn’t feel safe or protected because my ex wasn’t even paying attention. About 20 minutes later, dude walks up to my car and asks if I can take him to the corner store. I reminded him that he had a car and he replied that he couldn’t drive because he’d been drinking. I told him I wouldn’t take him, which led to us staring at each other in silence for several moments. He broke the silence by saying 'I bet you’re real loyal. A loyal girl. A good girl. I know that motherf'ker get anything he want from you.' Then he laughed and walked away."

"When I told my ex the next day, he wasn’t bothered and was making excuses for the friend’s brother’s behavior. A few weeks later, there was a report on the news about the body of a woman being found in my exe’s old neighborhood. Find out later she’s been murdered. It didn’t take long to find and arrest her killer, aka the friend’s brother."

– miKezOGnoze

Some kids show signs of being unstable but are easily dismissed as nothing serious until it was too late.

Don't F'k With Squirrels

"I’ve posted about it before but a kid down the street talked about killing squirrels for fun. He was 7ish years old."

"He moved away and we forgot about him."

"20 years later we saw him in the news for brutally killing his parents."

– SchleppyJ4

Led By Vengeance

"I knew Christopher Bennett as a child. Honestly I thought he was a bit of a jerk, then again most little boys are mean to little girls. Especially little girls who are 3 years younger than them and seem to think they can do whatever the boys are doing. Last time I saw him, we had grown up a little, I was 11, he was about 14, he wasn't as mean as I had remembered him. Did I see it coming, no, most people didn't. I mean he was getting into trouble a lot but murder, never thought he had it in him. Then again he was right to kill the bastard he did and I think a lot of other people would become murders if they saw what he did."

– CylonsInAPolicebox

Trophy Collector

"I spent a lot of time at a friend's house when I was 6-9 years old. He had a brother who was like 3 years older than us, who I remember as being generally nice, but I have one weird memory of him absolutely losing his sh*t when he tried to teach me and his brother to roller blade and I couldn't get it--like throwing things and weeping uncontrollably. When I was in high school, found out that he had joined the military, and while he was deployed he got court martialed for killing civilians and keeping body parts (fingers, ears) as trophies."

– StarFanthirteen

Family members share their horrific experiences of being related to a murderer.

The Jealous Sister

"Knew a girl as a freshman in college who was mean, obviously mentally unstable, and not too bright. When her fraternal twin sister fell in love with a good friend of mine, she became enraged with jealousy and could not let it go. Her sister begged her to get help and there was a huge blowout in a hallway on campus where my friend had to intervene to prevent his girlfriend from getting stabbed by her sister. The police were called to campus and she spent a week in jail before her sister decided to not press charges. Her remaining friends dropped out of her life because of her actions and unwillingness to get help. She got kicked out of college shortly after threatening the guidance counselor who was giving her one last chance and moved back in with her parents. When her sister went home for Christmas with my friend to introduce him to her parents, I told him to watch his back. They hadn’t even made it all the way into the house before they were attacked and repeatedly stabbed. My friend died on the porch and she died at the hospital the next day. The murderous sister was beaten to death in a jail fight a few days later.

"I met their older brother, who I didn’t even know existed, at the funeral for the good sister. He said he had gone no contact with the family years before for his own protection because his parents refused to do anything about the mental health problems that his little sister always had, even as a small child."

– howarewestillhere

The Off Uncle

"One of my uncles murdered his wife. He was out of jail by the time I was a kid. Yes, there was always something off about him. My mother told me he was always violent and had a sadistic streak - he liked to make people afraid. He mellowed out as he got older but he was always a user and always looking to take advantage where he could. I’m pretty sure he was a sociopath. My mother had a lot of siblings and he was the only one like this."

– mrsshmenkmen

You think you know someone.

No Murder Vibes

"For 4 years I worked 4 desks away from someone who was arrested and convicted of a 32 year old cold case murder. Dude was an a**hole but didn't give off murder vibes. The general reaction was 'huh, I hope his replacement is less of a d*ick."

– Hobbs172

She Suddenly Snapped

"I knew someone who killed her mother."

"No, absolutely no warning at all. No hints to look back on and say we should have seen it coming."

"She was a perfectly average suburban wife and mother who woke up one day and snapped. And ended up being featured on Snapped."

"She’s currently serving out a 40 year term."

– 5footfilly ·

People joke about individuals going postal when pushed to their limits, but that's all it takes for someone to abandon all sense of logic and go on a killing spree.

But there are also those who have mental issues and are cast off from society and can be triggered to act on any suppressed violent impulses as a possible reaction to being neglected and unloved.

Either way, it's hard to pinpoint exactly what drives anyone to murder.

And the scary thing is, you never really know who a coworker really is when they're off the clock, a neighbor who never leaves their house, or even a family member who has a history of being the polite one.

People Describe The Moment They Realized Their 'Friend' Was No Friend At All

Reddit user Aesthetik_1 asked: 'What made you instantly realize This "friend" is not a real friend?'

Two guys hi-fiving each other
Tyler Nix/Unsplash

A good friend is not always the one with whom you share laughs and fun experiences.

The friendships you want to keep include those who won't abandon you in a time of need or someone who supports you in a variety of complicated situations where not even a family member can be relied upon.

Unfortunately, many of us have experienced a time when a person's true colors revealed to us that the so-called "friend" we've always trusted wasn't one at all.

Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Aesthetik_1 asked:

"What made you instantly realize This 'friend' is not a real friend?"

These Redditors didn't realized at the time that they were being used.

Recurring Favor

"When he only called me when he needed something. It didn't hit me until much later."

– Queasy-Location-9303

"I have one of those 'friends'. She always gushes about how we're friends but she never initiates contact unless she wants me to do something for her."

– StiffAssedBrit

The Errand Girl

"Several years back, I had a friend who introduced me to this new boy she was seeing. Maybe a year later, their relationship blew up in a fury of bs (whole other story), but by the time they split, I was equally friends with both of them. He and I were both photographers at the time, so the friendship was instantaneous."

"One day we started talking about her, neither positively nor in poor taste, just kind of in general."

"He then asked me 'when she texts to hang out, what does she usually want to do?'"

"I paused. I thought. Holy sh*t, she'd either be asking for a favour or for help with some kind of errand. I was her f'king errand girl."

"She texted me a month or two later, just a 'hey'. I never responded. She never texted again."

"I'm still friends with her ex, though. That dude is genuine as heck."

– ChamomileBrownies

Testing The Friendship

"When you decide to let them be the one to reach out. And you never hear from them again."

– plzdontgetmad

"Yup. Made plans with a friend three times, she cancelled each time. I finally told her to let me know when she was free, we haven’t hung out since."

"She was a good friend for the season, but not a lifetime."

– NoMrBond3

People were shocked to discover the moment they realized they didn't really know who their "friend" was anymore.

The Chaperon

"I had been giving rides to a girl I thought was my friend. To and from school in high school. She wasn’t really suppose to ride with other teens but due to her mothers work hours we could easily pull this off. I thought we were close."

"One day while on the way home my brakes went out. We were about 2 blocks from her gated neighborhood. I managed to roll in safely and parked at her house to call a tow truck."

"She flipped. Told me I couldn’t stay. She knew my brakes were not working as she had also been terrified when we couldn’t stop. She said she wanted to go to a movie that weekend with other friends and her mom would ground her if she saw me at the house. I offered to lie and say I only stopped there as my car malfunctioned on my way home. I had to pass her neighborhood on my way home anyways."

"She refused. Started to scream at me. She didn’t care what happened I had to go. Started to call the guard at the front gate to tell them I had broken in and was threatening her."

"I left her and that friendship that moment. I managed to roll my car slowly to a mechanic not too far away but never forgot the shi* feeling of knowing I could have been seriously hurt and she wouldn’t have cared. She wanted to see a movie. She had the nerve to sheepishly call and ask me a couple days later if I could give her a ride to school. Told her I was too busy and no longer had time… after all I wanted to help her obey her mom's rules. She rode the bus til she graduated."

– Duffarum

Unwilling Companion

"I had this friend in school. Each year there was a funfair in our city, all students received vouchers for a drink and something to eat. This friend complained the whole day that she had no one to accompany her to the funfair. So, stupid me offered to go with her."

"Once we arrived we met another friend of hers. And another, and another... until we were a group of 5 or 6 people. I didn't know anyone and was basically just walking behind them. This friend took me aside and said, 'My friends think you are annoying, and we would like you to leave.'"

"It was a pleasure to see that she failed her exams a year later."

– Auldale

There's the spirit of competition, but when it's taken seriously, we're no longer game for these friendships.

I Can Do It Better

"Constantly 'one ups' me. A real friend is happy for you."

– Complex-Half8338

"That one time I got a fake bag but she doesn’t know and then 2 weeks later messaged me that she also bought a luxury bag… Then when I got a bf, she also went to get a bf within 3 months which is TOTALLY fine but she constantly messages me for us to go on a double date. Anyways, sadly they didn’t last long :( I mentioned that I wanted to go to Cuba, she went ahead and bought herself a ticket to Cuba but I didn’t end up going lol"

– Hot-Coffee-8465

Never Steal The Spotlight

"When they loved the idea of me shining, but behind their shadow, I could never do or achieve anything above them, and when I did, they would get jealous."

– Jasssin23

"Yes! I recently ghosted a friend because of this kind of behavior. She was trying to compete about EVERYTHING. Like she bragged about how her mom’s car accident was more traumatic than my elderly MIL’s - which is not even an appropriate thing to compare. She would also try to 'outshine' celebrations of my milestones and was mean to several of my friends for no apparent reason. She was a loose cannon at best."

– thefifthtrilogy

All About Me

"ALL she talks about it herself and her problems. Granted she has a a lot but never asks about me or my life until she realizes she just bypassed my attempt to want to talk about something in my life bothering me and continued to talk about herself."

– PokemomOnTheGo

People can just be so rude.

"When I got really sick. Very few came to help."

– Tofflus1

"Same here. I got cancer and everyone I knew was over the top supportive for the first six months and then all but three of my friends just vanished. I saw one of them at a Halloween party while I was going through chemo and she told me that my bald head made people uncomfortable. I was dressed as Captain Picard, it was awesome and she ruined it."

– CatGoNoTail

Not Missing High School

"At lunch, she was sitting with her boyfriend, I was sitting with our friend circle. She came up to me, guilted me into sitting with her and her boyfriend, and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of lunch."

"She didn't care about me, she just didn't want me talking to the friend circle that she had abandoned for her boyfriend. When I pointed this out to her, she called me a jealous b*tch."

"Ah, high school. How I don't miss thee."

– Symnestra

These examples actually served as a good reminder for me to take a moment and assess my friendships.

Not so much about how I've been treated but more about checking myself to see if I'm respecting the people I call my friends.

We've all been guilty of casually mentioning future plans to get together. I embarrassingly wait for people to initiate something, which is terrible.

Show up for your friends. Make them feel important like the individuals they are.

There are few moments in life more momentous than buying your first home.

Of course, as is the case with any big decision, after going through with it, your mind begins to spiral down into a series of doubts.

Most of the time, once you've moved in and lived there for a while, all these doubts begin to slowly disappear.

In some cases, though, those doubts quickly turn into regrets.

Particularly when you notice more and more elements of what you thought was your "dream" home that is more reminiscent of a nightmare.

Redditor californiabred was curious to hear the biggest regrets from people who recently purchased a home, leading them to ask:

"Homeowners who bought recently, what’s your biggest regret?"

Not The What, But The When

"Not buying 4 years ago."- 3rdPartyArbitor

Location, Location, Location!

"The situation when you bought a house where it was possible and a month later they sell a house in the area where you wanted"- BenefitOk3952

"Not knowing enough about the area/town."

"I hate where we live."

"Hoping we can move by the time my oldest starts kindergarten."- MP1087

jason patric fox GIF by Wayward PinesGiphy

Upon Closer Inspection...

"The inspector told us the main drain in the basement was clogged."

"We thought it was clogged with something normal."

"It was, in fact, 'clogged' with cement from when our basement floor was redone."

"So now our basement regularly gets standing water on one side."- doctorpotterhead

"Hiring the wrong home inspector they missed so much, I really have to wonder if all those reviews were bought and paid for."- CaptainQuoth

Landscaping Decisions

"Not planting the fruit trees sooner."

"It’s a long wait."- SageLeaf1

Plant Hope GIF by The Seed of Life FoundationGiphy

How Long Have You Got...

"Be shameless enough to perform your own base level of inspection of a house so you don’t have to rely on what an inspector finds or get in a situation where you have to make an offer regardless of what the inspection finds."

"Turn all the faucets on and run the dishwasher."

"Start the washer machine for a second."

"Figure out if there is any water pressure issue."

"Bring a multi line laser and a tape measure."

"Check for any significant changes in slope on the foundation for some settling issues."

"Pay attention to the downspouts."

"Do they terminate right at the house or do they have longer pipes that lead the water away?"

"Pay attention to the flooring and create a rough estimate of what it will cost to immediately replace the flooring."

"Way easier to do when you don’t have a house full of furniture and can do it right before you move in."

"On the financial side you need to talk with multiple lenders at all times and make sure they continue to give you the most up to date closing costs."

"There were a lot of sneaky numbers that made there way in that I was unaware of as a first time home buyer."

"Until that mortgage lender gives you the locked in rate don’t trust them as to what number they are currently telling you."

"Discover your maximum mortgage rate + escrow and work backwards as to the maximum house you can afford."

"Don’t buy based on the pipe dream of refinancing."- from_the_Luft

GIF by BlindspotGiphy

Procrastination...

"Not recent, but I still regret not refinishing the floors before I moved in."

"I'll never do it now."- WinterFilmAwards

"I regret not having the inside painted and the carpet replaced before we moved in."

"Been here two years and it never felt like 'my home' until I got rid of the stains of those who came before."- DaisyRage7

Consider A Test Drive...

"Not particularly recent, but we did not pull out cars in the driveway or attempt to park them."

"So we didn't realize that my car could only enter the driveway from one direction, so I had to turn around half a block up every time I needed to park."

"And we just BARELY got two cars in the driveway."

"So my regret is that I took for granted that the driveway met our needs."- gtizzz

homer simpson episode 24 GIFGiphy

Always Read The Fine Print

"I bought a few years ago."

"So many things have gone sideways."

"One thing I regret is not being educated about permits."

"Contractors/handymen/ anyone who works on your house really, never mentions a permit may be needed."

"Learned that it’s up to me and me alone to do the research and phone calls."

"Currently have a job on hold because they needed a permit."

"The company blamed me and now I’m not sure they’re even going to do the work."

"Watch the movie 'The Money Pit'."

"It’s not that far off."

"Some days I wish I’d just be a renter."- MissPeppingtosh

Simply Not Worth The Effort

"Don't bother childproofing your home."

"They still get in."- Blueblackzinc

season 9 friends GIFGiphy

It's easy to question whether or not buying a home was the right decision.

But rather than live a life full of regret, why not make the most out of what you have, and turn your not-quite-dream home into a temporary dream home?

Who knows, it might even increase the resale value.


A dilapidated shack is ablaze at night
Photo by Stephen Radford

In an instant, anything can change in life.

Deciding to turn left instead of right at a traffic light can save your life -- and you may never know it.

That's why the movie "Sliding Doors" is so great.

Small choices and seemingly minor chances can shift things massively.

Redditor Lexie_Mark wanted to hear about how life can change drastically by the smallest influences, so they asked:

"What's a seemingly minor decision you made that ended up having a massive impact on your life?"

I had dinner with a guy once.

I told him a joke and let him read 5 pages of my writing.

Now I write for this website. BOOM!

Right Turn

Never Mind Baby GIFGiphy

"Turned up to a military recruiting day on the wrong weekend as a youngster. Walked into a BBQ for traumatized veterans accidentally. That changed my mind."

flecknoe

Moving on...

"I had moved countries and decided to go back home after initial plans didn't work out. Had a ticket booked, was in a hotel near the airport, and got an invite to stay with online friends for a week or so before going back. Deferred my ticket, took them up on the offer."

"Met the love of my life there- moved to his city, have a new job, new friends, new life completely."

Severn6

Hey Teach

"While I was experiencing a period of career ennui, I treated myself to taking some college classes in biology, which I had always been interested in."

"While walking in the neighborhood close to the university one day, I saw one of the professors walking down the street, contentedly eating some ice cream. I don't know what possessed me, but I actually stopped him, said hello, that I was in one of his classes, and how much I liked the course."

"I have come across many professors in such casual circumstances before and since and never had the inclination or the guts to talk to them, particularly when they are clearly just having an enjoyable moment and likely don't want to be annoyed by a random student they don't even know."

"But I talked to him, and we had such a nice chat that he invited me to come to his lab and potentially do some work there. I came by a few days later, and he asked me a few questions and then asked one of his postdocs if he'd like to have me give him some help on a project. The postdoc said yes, and within 2.5 years I had my MS in biology (advised by Dr. Professor and helped greatly by that postdoc), and I was on my way to getting my PhD.

"Now I'm the prof."

zazzlekdazzle

On the Vespa

"4 months ago I was riding my Vespa to the gym on a Saturday morning, and I was T-boned by a car pulling out of a side street. She was looking the other way to make sure the traffic was clear and didn’t see me."

"I was coming from her right (in Australia, left-hand drive) and the front left of her car hit the back of my Vespa. If I had been half a second faster, I wouldn’t have been hit."

"I ended up with a crushed lower left leg and foot, permanent nerve damage, and 2 weeks in hospital. Fast forward to now, and I still can’t walk or move my leg and foot, I’m in unimaginable pain, and I (just today) lost my job."

"The recovery timeline is looking like 18-24 months and there’s no guarantee I’ll walk again."

"I was just trying to be healthy and go to the gym on a Saturday, and now my life has totally turned upside down. lol. Sigh."

ShoeAccomplished119

Swipe Right

tinder GIFGiphy

"Matched with a guy on Tinder and complained about my current job. Encouraged (and walked me through) the recruitment process for a government job and 5 years later I’ve had 4 promotions, earned almost twice my old salary, and have much higher job satisfaction."

​misssofifi

Maybe Tinder isn't so bad after all.

Key Strokes

Jim Carrey Reaction GIFGiphy

"Taking a typing class in 1974. Almost no guys took typing at my school. Made life with computers a lot easier."

A20Havoc

"Same here, it was the main reason I got a job in IT, I was able to have a lifelong career."

MyIpodStillWorks

Run

"Started running because I heard it helps with chronic tinnitus, now run 5 days a week, lost 20 kg, stopped drinking, and can sleep. It doesn't cure the tinnitus, there is no cure and probably never will be, but it made it more manageable, lowered the volume in my head, and let me sleep easier. I still have it and struggle with it sometimes, but running/exercise for me is the best way to mitigate the stress chronic tinnitus causes."

rickdangerous85

Brisbane

"Buying tickets to Guns 'N Roses. I'm from Northern Australia and went to the Brisbane show. Ended up going with an old friend who was looking for an extra roommate, moved to Brisbane, did an audio course cause I needed something to do, and ended up working in the music industry full-time. Just got off tour with Suicidal Tendencies as their backline tech and have had an incredible career so far."

Acquiesce95

No Regrets

"My current job was a throwaway application I submitted purely for interview practice. It was one of two listings I saw at once, one was quite detailed and looked really good, and the other one was a handful of vague bullet points that seemed interesting enough. The one I was hoping for never replied, the other one offered me more than the maximum salary on the ad. No regrets."

PM_me_ur_navel_girl

Forever

Smooch Love GIF by molehillGiphy

"I decided to have my first ever one-night stand."

"We've been together for 12 years!"

CrabbiestAsp

"So you still haven't had a one-night stand!"

NickyDeeM

Ah, the curse of the one-night stand gone wrong.

Love is all around.

lab test with pipette and test tubes
Louis Reed on Unsplash

At the end of the last century DNA laboratory companies began to offer direct-to-consumer home DNA test kits.

According to The Center for Genetics and Society, as of November 2023 more than 26 million people have taken an at-home ancestry DNA test.

These tests have helped people find and reunite with long lost family members. However not all revelations were well met.

Unknown ancestry was discovered.

Infidelity and secrets and lies were also exposed by these tests which led to strife in some families.

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