And you thought your mom was a handful!! Redditor ThrowAWAY_Please12 needed some serious life advice by letting us know... My mother [50sF] sold my car then disowned me [20sF] Yes you read that correctly. I'll start right from the beginning. So what had happen for this poor girl was...
My father died when I was around 16. He had an abusive relationship with my mother, but he was still my dad. When he passed, we got a pay out. With this money, my mum bought me my first car - My last present from my dad. With an agreement (loosely) to pay back what I could.
Recently, I sold the car as I wanted something bigger and got another car. I sold the car for £3K, paying my mother half of that, (paid her regularly before this) and spent the rest on the car. I really don't think I owed her too much as this stage, especially with paying her 1.5K on top of what I already had. I loved the car, it had personality and was just me all over, I was very pleased. I thought dad would definitely approve of it and it made me happy. It was an old rare car and I knew there weren't a huge amount of them left which was nice too.
In a weird set of circumstances, I ended up facing prison time and huge fines for something that my mother was solely responsible for. I took the blame and got slapped with a £1000+ fine. I was out of a job at the time and looked for my mum for guidance (seeing as though I took the blame) but unfortunately received none. In the end, I had to go to court again if I didn't pay - I had no way of paying at the time so I ended up going again to potentially once again face prison time. My mother didn't step in to own up, and I felt it wasn't right to "dob her in" as it were. I managed to get extra time to pay it, which I am still to this day. A friend paid a couple months, if he hadn't - I would most probably be in prison. My mother knew this but still refused to pay.
Shortly after this, mum said she was moving abroad. It was completely random but she informed me that I must start saving for a house as she would be gone in a few months and the house was put on the market - When it sold I was to be kicked out. I shoved away as much as I could muster each month, informing mum I would pay 50% of all utilities, buy my own food and a little bit of rent. She seemed content.
Recently (a couple months after the house fiasco), after coming home, I noticed my car was missing. I was panicking pretty bad, worried it had been stolen. I called my mum and she told me she had sold it. Sold it, I asked? I was really confused, thinking it may have been some weird joke but she was very blunt and matter of fact and told me "Yeah, I paid for it." Which wasn't entirely true - Dad had paid for it, as a last gift. We agreed paying her back was going to be slow as she wanted me to save to move out, we had agreed this... Also on top of this, I was in the process of paying her back. I paid for it through my account, had insured it with my money - By law the car was mine. I was really upset, asking her why she would do that and if she needed the money faster she should have said - I would have gladly paid! I just wasn't aware... I was mad at this time. I was shouting - As was she and we left on a bad note.
I know to most this is only a car, but to me it was the last bit of my dad I had.
I had to go to work the next day, so I left it there and stayed at a friends house. The next morning I came home to find the doors were all locked with keys in them to prevent me getting in. I managed to get in through the back of the house, where my mum asked what the hell I was doing there. Turns out she had kicked me out and disowned me. At this point, I was pretty much homeless - I'm quite young with not enough savings to financially support myself. She seemed uncaring and made me pack my bags. At this point I'm very upset, crying and confused - My mum just watched me pack. Later on, whilst still packing a relation [Mid20sF] came around, screaming at me for treating my mother so poorly. It got so bad she was throwing my belongings out the window! She stopped me from calling anyone to come pick me up by snatching my phone out my hand and scratching me quite badly across my hands.
I'm at a friends now, I've tried calling home 4 times, messaging countless times with absolutely no response. Through a turn of events, I found out my mum had sold/gave my car to my abusive ex boyfriend. He was awful, and even she hated him at the time for the things he put me through. It took a lot to leave that relationship. I am feeling betrayed, upset, lost and extremely angry.
I've called the police and know where I stand on the law - I can report my car as stolen and get it back, but do I? Is there any coming back from this, and even if there were I'm not sure I can forgive them for all they have put me through... It's been a few days and I don't feel like I'm capable of forgiving them a second time, I want my car that my dad got me. It makes me sick thinking that my abusive ex has it. I really do feel like my mother has done this just to hurt me - The way she worded that she "sold" it makes me think it could have been given away to him.
Would love some advice.
Where do we begin?!
Are you alone?
There seems to be a lack of information around some parts of your story. What was this situation that was your mums fault and how did you end up taking the wrap for it if you were not responsible at all?
What's the reasoning behind your cousin attacking you? Is there any merit to what she said? You kind of glossed over that whole situation. You describe your mother as someone who cares about you, wants the best for you and then suddenly changes into kicking you out and wanting nothing to do with you. What's the context for this?
How is the rest of your family / extended family dealing with this situation? Do they sympathize with you?
Be done with her!
GiphyIf I've read this correctly, you've already taken a fall for your mom on a legal issue. You are now put out due to her not following the law. Due to the auto removal on this sub, I cannot say the words your mom is.
But yes. You are done with her. You call the cops. If the car is in your name, you report it as stolen. No one should have taken it without title anyway.
Hello 9-1-1!
Report the car as stolen and report the illegal eviction. Go to r/legaladvice and get advice on the legal process to follow where you are.
From a relationships perspective you need to stop letting her walk all over you. This is insane. Stop giving her money. Call the police when she breaks the law. She will not stop until there are actual consequences for her actions.
enTITLEd
GiphyWho's name was on the title to the car? If it was yours, absolutely call the police. Also, she can't just kick you out. At least in the US, she'd have to properly evict you. I'd also report the woman who scratched your hands. Even if she doesn't get arrested for assault, you'll have a report filed in case she ever tries to harm you again. And go no contact. Best thing I ever did. My mom pushed me down stairs when I was pregnant. She died in October. All I feel is relief.
Get organized!
GiphyCall the cops, report the theft and the assault. Further, if you have access to a lawyer, see if there's any way to actually turn your mother in for the crime you took the fall on. Say you're willing to testify against her.
After that, start printing out your bank statements. Go through with a highlighter and see how much you paid in terms of car, utilities, etc. She evicted and disowned you suddenly. She's decided to up and leave the country. You've been set up as a patsy for her crimes once before. Get your ducks in a row because I wouldn't put it past her to pull that trick again.
Embrace the truth...
I'm sorry to tell you, your post belongs in r/raisedbynarcissists
Repeat: Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Your mom needs to live with the consequences of her behavior. Please report her, get your car back and tell the truth about what she did.
Ignore the guilt...
I'm going to repeat what everyone else has told you, report it stolen. Do it right now.
I guess I feel a little guilty.
I know how that feels. It sucks so much to feel guilt over something you know is right. I used to have that sort of relationship with my mom. Having to stand up to her and stand my ground always made me sick with guilt, but I did it. Here's the thing: there's going to have to come a point where you realize that blood is just blood. Blood does not make you family. All it means is you share DNA and with this particular person, she happened to be an incubator for you.
Read this carefully: she will not change. In fact; with people like her, the harder you try and the more you beg and the more you give, you're fueling her. You're giving her power. Power over you, power to feel righteous. Take a look back over your post, reread it. Commit it to memory, because I promise you as long as you chase after her skirts looking for love and approval, that's what the rest of your life is going to look like. All that drama, all that wasted money, having your possessions stolen and sold, having your home ripped away from you. It'll happen again and again.
So report your car stolen and focus on your next steps. Focus on you and what you want out of life and how to get it. Get a job at McDonald's, put yourself through school. Prove to her, but more importantly to yourself, that you are better and you don't need her. Read up on narcissists and how to handle them because that's what she is. Once you understand the beast and how to respond (or not), life becomes simpler.
Always beware... DNA can be an issue...
GiphyNEVER EVER EVER take someone else's charge for them. It will have permanent consequences on your life, and no one will ever believe that you actually didn't do it. Be careful who you're hanging out with, because they can pull you into getting more charges. The more crap on your record, the harder it gets to walk away from trouble (more likely to get tickets, fines, etc, it just gets harder!)
If the car title was in your name, call the police and see if you can file charges, or reports and get it back. Or at least t Get the money?? Idk, do it soon.
Your mom let you go to jail and have a criminal record for her and has done nothing but abuse you since. It is time to walk away and never have her in your life again once you get your car back with the help of the police.
Your mother needs some time at the leisure of Her Majesty's Criminal Justice system. I am guessing it was benefit fraud.
Calling The Garbage Man
GiphyWhen I was 18 my uncle gave me his old car. My dad sold it for parts one day without asking. He got $200 for selling it. It was worth ~$5000. He laughed in my face when I asked him why he did it. So I did what any psychologically abused son would do, beat him up so bad he ended up in the hospital. He threatened me the next time I saw him and I beat him again and told him if he ever messed with me again I'd make sure he could never would never walk again. He never messed with me in any way.
Moral of the story is don't take that path. I'm still seeing a therapist about how abusive he was. Doing that to him out of spite screwed me up more. In hindsight I would have walked away and cut ties forever. Maybe sent him a "sorry for your loss" card some decades later when he repented being a crap parent. Or maybe not, maybe never talking to him again would have been revenge enough. Don't seek revenge, be the bigger person. Use this as motivation to give yourself a better life. Your mom sounds like a real piece of garbage though. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.