We've all been there. A conversation is going fine and suddenly you're thrust onto a runaway train. And the train is really gross and horrifying.
I don't exactly know what is going through people's minds when these moments of hyper-honesty occur. Maybe you have a face that just screams trustworthy. Maybe you're simply unlucky enough to pass through a person's life at the exact moment when they absolutely cannot go another second without getting this weird thing off their chest.
Either way, these people and these moments aren't going away anytime soon. Best thing we can do is read about when others have been thrown the TMI hot potato and hope that at least yours wasn't THAT bad.
u/ijustwantedtoparty asked, "What weird thing did somebody tell you that they shouldn't have felt so comfortable telling you?"
Ya Know I Was Curious About That
I see my mechanic a like 5 times a year and he always tells me how many asian girls he met online and had sex with since we last met. Its like an unprompted tradition he must get past before we can talk about what's wrong with the car.
Gotta Be A Better Way to Do That
Dude pays me at work. Then tells me he can't cum. He can have an orgasm, but then needs to use a "straw" to get it all out.
Where it All Went Down
I was going to a summer cottage owned by my work. Upon hearing that, a coworker of mine informed me that his daughter was conceived there, in the very bed that I was about to sleep in.
Did not need to know that,
at all.
Don't Make Em Like They Used To
My 89 year old grandfather told me his and his wife's favourite sexual position. Number 1 on the list of things I never ever needed to know.
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What a Compliment
Sitting with my fiancé's new friend and she starts bragging to me how she's been manipulating men including my fiancé into doing things for her. (Picking up her paychecks for her, babysitting her son while she goes on a date, cleaning her place for her etc) Then she started showing me these long messages she'd send to guys she had just met on dating sites telling them how my fiancé was her best friend and her standard for guys.
Maybe Try Plan B
That he considers paying a hooker to lose his virginity. It was back when I worked in retail, and he was a co-worker. We didn't talk much, only a couple of words, and only about work. Then one day he came to me, and dropped this bomb.
At first at though he was joking, and tried to laugh it off, but he was dead serious. He also wanted to hear my opinion, but I told him that this was not a comfortable conversation for me.
Later another co-worker told me he tries to talk about this to all female workers, and he hopes that one of us would offer him to take his virginity, so he doesn't have to pay.
All These People Talking About Incest Like It's Chill
An ex-coworker, whom I barely knew, told me she was in a sexual relationship with her biological father.
They had been together for about 10 years, and moved to a new city together. She was only 25 or so.
I politely smiled, switched topics, and went home shortly afterwards.
Of course I kept that story to myself, but damn.
A kid I was sort of friends with in high school told me that he regularly had sex with his twin brother.
For the record, he had no history of ever being sexually abused, and from what he talked about, it was mutually suggested between the two.
They were just gay and into incest.
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In-Laws
Managed a restaurant and a man was there to service the building, HVAC or something. He seems anxious and starts rattling on about his girlfriend and then her brother and how said brother fu*ked a cow... immediately apologizes, "I don't know why I said that, I probably shouldn't have told you that, sorry."
Takes Commitment. Proud of You, Sis.
My sister told me she was getting her tonsils out, so that she would give better head.
Time to Review the Policies
A (strange) coworker, whom I wasn't ever close with, decided to tell me at work - across the entire office - that she and her husband were having marital problems due to lack of sex. He wanted more sex. But since she wasn't trying to get pregnant, she didn't see the point and said he needed to get over it.
This happened loudly, out of nowhere and with no prompting. What made it more uncomfortable was that she was our HR person.
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Blue Collar, Yellow Collar
Working on a assembly line, a girl I had to work next to that day explained to me why part of her shirt was yellow and wrinkled. The yellow part was cat pee, it's wrinkled cause she sleeps in it. And hasn't done laundry in 2 week's...yes she smelled and yes I told her she did.
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Gotta Be Against Some Policies
Next girl working with me confessed that she slept with 50 people at work. Married, has 3 kids, not sure if kid #2 and #3 is her husbands. Then told me not to tell anyone, I barely knew her, but I'm sure people all ready knew this about her. There were less than 300 people working at this plant, that's including 2 shift's.
Work Trip!
business partner of my then boss, that had just introduced himself to me:
nice team you've got here. we should all go on a trip to thailand together. you can fuck prostitutes without protection over there! they all have documents from their doctors showing that they're clean!
Letting it Flow
Cashier at St. Louis Bread Co. informing me she's on her period and flowing very heavily. I get it, I'm a fellow woman, but damn. Its a restaurant.
Getting Off His **Chest**
My coworker told me that he has had flare ups of gonorrhea over 30 times, he has herpes, and god knows what else. He said he can't remember how many times he's had a q-tip swab in his d*ck hole. He doesn't believe me that I've never had an std and is constantly bringing it up. I don't know what compels this man to constantly talk about STD's but he must have a forest fire going on down there.
Segues Are Overrated Anyway
Me, sits down for my lunch break at work. Random coworker comes and sits down and says to me, "so ive been watching cartoon monster porn".
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A Devoted Marriage
My coworker went into great detail (including a hand drawn diagram) about how constipated she was after one of her c-sections. She said she was so uncomfortable that she asked her husband to try to dig some of the poo out of her butt with his finger. So she put a towel down on the bed, laid on her side, and he got to work. After some successful digging she rolled over and noticed a butter knife on the bedside table and asked what it was doing there to which he responded "well, it was too hard for my fingers".
But some of the terrors rooted in reality are scarier.
Whether it's a brush with death after hydroplaning on black ice while driving or being held at gunpoint, they are the stuff of true nightmares.
However, the jury remains out about the reality of ghosts.
Regardless, Redditor Geace_69 asked:
"What's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you?"
One of the worst things must be to look down the barrel of a gun as these Redditors did.
"Wrong Taxi"
"A guy stopped traffic and walked up to the window of the taxi I was in and pointed a gun at my head through the window. Then said 'wrong taxi', and casually walked away."
"I hope he never found the right taxi."
– MercutiaShiva
Cashier At Gunpoint
"I got robbed at gunpoint when I was working alone one night at Subway when I was 16."
– scottevil110
Getting Authentic Tacos
"I got stopped by the Cartel in Mexico. I live on the border and we decided to go eat some authentic tacos. My dad, my brother and his blonde girlfriend and I (12) were driving to our favorite taco place when this truck behind us started honking at us. Unfortunately there were 3 speed bumps in a row right in front of us. So the truck got impatient and pulled up in front of us. Then they stopped at the intersection which was right in front of us. Along with another truck that was behind them. And a van. Then, like insects, they all swarmed out of their vehicles with AK's and body armor. They lined up pointing to both out car, and then down the street in the direction our car was facing. 2 guys started smacking the car with the butt of their guns and yelling at us to leave. Then they shot some warning shots at the ground in front of the car. My dad floored it backwards while my brother shoved his white girlfriend into the floor and I tried to become one with the seat. Almost died that day. At least thats what it felt like."
– priorityslayer
These Redditors recount the times they were asked to be taken to the ATM. And not in a very polite way.
Unwelcome Passenger
"I stopped at a light in a questionable part of town and a strange lady hopped into the passenger seat of my car. She told me to drive her to the ATM and get her some money...I told her that I had forgotten my purse and could not do so (my purse was behind my seat and I was really hoping she wouldn't look around and catch my lie). She kept insisting that I give her money and I kept driving and telling her I couldn't... I'm pretty sure the $20 or so dollars I had in the bank would not have been enough anyway."
"Finally I saw a cop car stopped on the side of the road. I pulled up behind it and told her she could either get out then, or I'd start honking my horn to get the cops attention. She decided to leave."
"I was pretty shaken by that... I'm not sure what I would have done if I hadn't seen the cop and she was getting increasingly insistent and I know I would not have won a fight with her."
"Also... She took my bag of gummy worms."
– bettyblack825
Drive To A Construction Site
"Something similar happened to my friend's dad. Guy got into his car, pointed a gun at him, told him to drive to an ATM, and pull out money. The dad was scared shi*less, but seemingly, calmly agreed. He drove the car to a construction site nearby, hoping that the workers would be on duty that day. Fortunately, they were and the dad, driving a luxury car, looked so out of place that a bunch of the workers started watching him. The dad then told the guy, 'You can either get out of my car or you can shoot me and have a dozen witnesses. Your choice, but you're not getting money from me.'"
"Guy with the gun got out of the car and ran off. The dad called off work that day and went home to spend time with his wife and kids. My friend said she had never seen him so freaked out before in her life and he made sure to tell them all that story so they would be able to do the same in that sort of situation."
– rivlet
Sometimes, a brush with death is caused by fate and not by gun-toting lunatics.
Out In The Elements
"I was driving on the northern part of the ring road in Iceland. Buddies and I were seeing the whole country and it was bad weather in the middle of winter. Roads were closing behind us so we couldn't turn back. We finally had a clear day ahead of us where we should have been able to drive and prevent being snowed in for a few days. We hit a stretch of road with no gas stations for many miles and we fill up on gas and go. Along the way the weather starts declining and eventually it gets to white out conditions. We couldn't stop for fear of being snowed in. so we crawled along at 10 miles and hour. Closest I felt I ever came to dying on a road in the middle of nowhere in Iceland in a blizzard. great trip though 10/10 would go back"
The Treacherous Slope
"nearly fell off a cliff when skiing (but got rescued)."
Swerving Towards Death
"Me 17, on a rainy day with slippery tyres went through a corner too fast. Two friends in the car with me. Lost control, car swerved, we missed on-coming traffic by probably an inch. It happened in an instant."
"I regained control when the car was pointing in the driving direction again, by lifting from the brakes so we moved forward as if nothing happened."
"A week later going around the same corner an accident happend, head to head. I was second on the scene, and held a strangers hand as they are trapped under the steering wheel. Slipping in and out of consciousness, in total pain, while waiting for emergency services. I was asked to leave by the police when they learned I was not an eye witness to the actual accident. But I knew what happened, because I escape a crash like this just a week before. I never asked people what happened to the people in the other car and I do not know if the person I assisted made it."
"All I do remember is the total chaos in my memory of arriving at the scene, linked to my irresponsible behavior behind the wheel a week before."
– KeepItGood2017
Carnival of Fear
"I was 14 I think. Went on a swinging boat ride at the fair, the kind that pause upside down. The auto locking seatbelt bar didn't lock all the way down against me, so when it stopped upside down I started to slip out of my seat. It probably only lasted 10-15 seconds until we went down again but I was holding myself into that car for dear life. Pretty scary, but it didn't kill my love of roller coasters!"
– cynth81
Shortness Of Breath
"About two years ago, I had severe bronchitis. Severe coughing and shortness of breath were the main symptoms. I couldn't talk without coughing. I couldn't lay down to sleep without coughing. It got so bad one night I was home alone and I couldnt breathe deeply anymore. I could only take a shallow breath. My roommate was out of town and I had no one to reach out to. I started getting panicky because I was afraid I wouldn't ever be able to breathe normally again and that I would die because I couldn't breathe or catch my breath."
– bigblackkittie
My brush with death continues to haunt me and I still count my blessings.
Years ago when I still lived in Los Angeles, I barely avoided a head-on collision with an eighteen-wheeler – presumably driven by a drunk driver – who was swerving in and out of their side of the road at around 10:30 p.m.
I was blinded by the headlights, and as the truck came careening towards me, I steered the wheel at the last second and my vehicle's rear was clipped by the truck.
I spun out of control and luckily managed to not collide with the parked cars on the street.
My car was not drivable after that hit-and-run incident.
But I sure was glad my life was spared that night. I have never been so scared in life until that moment.
For the record, I'll take being haunted by ghosts over these brushes with death anyday.
God bless America, land that I love. But Lord don't cross her, she can be feisty. America does have a unique connection to rules and more often than not visitors find themselves in a culture shock. Which can be entertaining.
Money Back
Bribing Season 3 GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over. I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once. Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."
No Roaming
"I thought this was an obvious one, but my German exchange student would very casually walk on/through people's properties, even going so far as to walk up to their houses in the middle of the night. This is a huge no-no unless you need help, just casually walking around on people's properties would make them think you are looking to rob the place."
By the Rules
"Make the assumption that you know the law. Our local laws change drastically from state to state. If you buy weed for example, it may be illegal to drive ten miles west into another state."
"There is no "may" about it. Since marijuana is still illegal on the federal level, transporting any amount of THC, even medicinally marked packaging, is a felony. Transporting any controlled substance across state lines carries a minimum of 5 year sentence and a nice little trafficking badge on your record."
Hands Up
"Get into a fist fight. In some places that isn't a big deal. Here it has significant legal issues. And the other guy might be carrying and you could get shot. Just walk away."
Straight Face
schitts creek comedy GIF by CBCGiphy"As a Canadian crossing the border to the US, don't act fun or funny with the border patrol. Give them your passports, tell them what you're doing and such. They're harda**es."
- cappo40
In others countries people can just meander through other people's backyards? Like... really? Ok. And yes, do not play games with any kind of law enforcement. They really have to sense of humor. Read on...
Pay Up
homer simpson episode 22 GIFGiphy"Don't try to cheat the IRS. They will screw your life into oblivion."
bad buzz
"Usually you should never openly drink alcohol in a public space such as the right-of-way, a park, etc. It's illegal here and getting arrested will really harsh your buzz. Not that people don't get around this by using water jugs or other opaque containers, but it might be an unpleasant surprise if you're used to more liberal drinking laws."
From the USSR
"Assume personal space distance is the same as your country. Depends on where you come from, but Americans are stereotyped as being used to more personal space than some countries. Our Russian foreign exchange student was kinda weirded out by how far people stand apart at bus stops, etc, and was a little hurt after people scooched away from him on the bus, in class, etc because "Hey we are all friends here so lets be breathing the same air."
Twice the Size
"Don't misunderstand the massive scale of the country. You will not be able to visit Vegas, Disney World, and the Statue of Liberty in a single one week trip without taking several planes. The 48 contiguous United States is nearly twice the size of the EU, by area. It is freaking massive and a lot of it is really far apart. In some states, you can drive for 8+ hours and not leave the state. Like, we have states the size of some other countries."
- zbeezle
YOU CAN DO THAT!!
Pop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"You can't leave your baby unattended while shopping etc. like in some Scandinavian countries, you will get arrested."
"Wait, YOU CAN DO THAT in some places? Like I wouldn't necessarily be worried about my baby being stolen, but they're basically little suicide machines."
It sounds like we may not be the most fun country to be wandering through. Don't get me wrong, I'm an American and I love it here but we need to loosen up a bit. Let's get crazy.
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