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People lie. The tagline of the popular TV series House, MD, was "everybody lies." That includes my parents and yours, folks.

Sometimes parents lie to their children to protect them. Sometimes they lie because it's easier than telling the truth. But unfortunately, not all parents are good people. Some lie to manipulate their children, or hold control over them. And that story is way more common than any of us would like to think.


So when u/bordemstirs asked:

"What is the most ridiculous/f**ked up lie your parents told you?"

People had plenty of stories to go around.


I Hate You, You Hate Me

"My dad got fed up of watching Barney the dinosaur when I was a kid, and one day when I asked to watch it, he said:"

"'You can't.'"

"'Why?'"

"'Because Barney died'"

"I never did watch Barney again."-b14nn

Lies Backfiring

"Not too f**ked up, but ridiculous. When I was little, my mom told me if I didn't finish my dinner my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain."

"A few nights later I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain."-DragonStangFlyer122

The Waltzing (Away) Matilda

"My Dad told I had an older sister named Matilda, but she kept screaming in the car so he dropped her off at the side of the road and left her there."

"It didn't stop me screaming in the car until one day he actually stopped the car and told me to get out. He only drove 10m away but I never screamed in the car again."-AnoniemGebruiker

Some are to control our behavior as kids, but some persist into our adult lives.

A Little Respite

"Around the time Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go 'to infinity and beyond' to jump over other cars."

"He'd have us close our eyes and press the button and he'd speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. as a kid i was d u m b f o u n d e d and thought he was magic."

"It's actually a nice memory compared to the other ones on here lol."-nopenonotatall

Rooster Farts Needed

"We used to have a farm when I was a kid. My uncle gave me few hens he had and I told my dad that I want them to have baby chicks and sell them."

"He told me we need to buy you a rooster for your hens. I said why? They lay eggs and they don't need to have a male around. He told me the eggs won't be fertile and will never hatch."

-"'But what can a rooster do to make it hatch?'"

-"'He picks the back of their necks.'"

-"'Well I can do that with a needle every day!'"

-"'And then he farts in their butts..'"

"The worst part I remember is me running to my mom after we went home to tell her about my recent discovery……."-Rio1231233

Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Manipulation For One

"Gaslighting. About obviously wrong or easily disputable things."

"Like, I hated the babysitter I had from age 3 to 4. She was a b*tch who favored boys and didn't much like me either."

"I was an easygoing kid, but I hated her. My mother insisted all the way through college that I loved this woman. We'd go back to visit my hometown, and she'd force me to skip seeing my friends to visit this lady."

"At 16, these visits would go something like 'Hi.' 'Oh, it's you.' And then she'd ignore me and talk to my mother while I stared at a wall and nodded politely until we could leave."

"My mother doubled down on this every time I disagreed until one visit back to the church we used to attend (social center of small towns), this lady saw my mother coming and began the conversation with 'wasn't it funny how much your daughter and I always hated each other? I only watch little boys these days. Can't stand girls.'"

"My mom briefly attempted to convince both of us that we shared fond memories, but... By that point we were approaching 20 years of mutual dislike. It was a bit absurd."-TragedyPornFamilyVid

People Should Not Be Allowed To Be Parents

"My mom would drive us to random huge nondescript buildings, screaming the whole time claiming that it was the orphanage & that she was getting rid of us."

"Sometimes she would get out & physically pull our arms trying to rip us out of the car."

"If she was near the police station she would try it there too, telling us we were horrible kids & that the cops would understand and take us away from her."

"Which was super bold to me! it's a shame she never got caught in the act abusing her kids."-miserable-now

Lying can be a form of abuse.

Whale Toe Soup

"When I was younger i learned that mushrooms were a fungus and refused to eat them."

"My dad made me some soup with mushrooms in it and i threw a fit about eating it, so he inspected the bowl and told me they were whale toes."

"Apparently i was old enough to know that mushrooms were a fungus but not old enough to know that whales didnt have feet. >_<"-SelfBoundBeauty

Reversing The Lie

"It's not that f**ked up but it's kind of a revenge story. When I was very young my parents told me I couldn't get carbonated soft drinks cause they said it was bad for me and I could die. Mind you I was an hyperactive kid at the time."

"At one point I got a genius idea, I lived with my mother and my father would pick me up every weekends."

"My plan was Friday evening when my father would pick me up I would tell him 'mom gave me coca-cola cause she said it's okay you're going to your father's anyway.'"

"And at this moment my father accepted the fake challenge I have given him. The next Sunday evening my father gave me like a 1L of 7up just before dropping me off."

"So I was pretty excited, my mother asked me like what's up with you ? And I told her pretty much the same thing 'dad gave me 7up cause he said it's okay you're going to your mother afterward anyway' and then my mom took on the challenge too."

"They never spoke about it out loud it was kind of a war and I was the instruments. What they didn't know was that I was the evil mind behind it all. So all in all, I got my revenge, I got carbonated soft drinks and they never learned the truth until I told them years later."-lrdrchin

An Unforgivable Act

"I came home and my dog was missing. I searched for her for weeks. I was 10 so I couldn't really go anywhere to see if she'd been turned in. I called vets offices and stuff though."

"In my 20's I found out my mom took her to the humane society and dropped her off. I hope she found a new family that loved her the way she deserved to be loved. I hope that she didn't wait for us to come get her every day, crying for me."

"My mom has a dog now that she adores and the thought has crossed my mind to take her and drop her off at the local humane society and let my mom know how it f**king feels but I could never do that to another person."-SendRamenNoodz

Parents can be horrible people, too. And some of the parents in these stories no doubt deserve the "worst parent" award, swiftly and quickly rewarded to them upside the head.

But some of these lies are innocuous. Not all lies are bad things, and when they end up being kind of cute ones for your kids to make them happier, those are the best kind. But keep in mind that not being honest comes with a price. You may cause your child to resent you forever.

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