Duplicity Never Pays Off

"I’m a recovered heroin addict (9 years sober), and I have a lot of stories of how much of a sh*t person I use to be."

"I really can’t gauge what my worst moment would be, but I can post a story or two definitely."

"One day, I was flat broke and on my last bag of dope. My 'neighborhood pharmacist' just recently was arrested for a dui."

"Brainstorming, I came up with an idea to try and get some pills at the e.r. I still had med insurance at the moment, so I thought this was my best option."

"My buddy came by and we were hanging out outside smoking a cigarette and trying to figure out how to get hurt, just enough to get some pills, but not enough to actually have permanent repercussions."

"There was this big cinder block beside my garage, and I decided to drop it on my foot in hopes of just breaking a toe at most."

"I stood outside on the concrete patio for about five minutes with the cinderblock trying to hype myself up enough to drop it on my foot."

"I couldn’t do it, psyched myself out too much."

"I told my friend that he would have to do it for me, and he said OK."

"He held it about waist high and dropped it on my foot."

"I knew it wasn’t enough damage so I told him that he needed to put it up higher and drop it again to which he did."

"So go to the hospital tell them that I was carrying boxes downstairs to the basement and dropped them when I slipped on the bottom step so I go back, get x-rays, and I am in the waiting room."

"Dr comes in and tells me that I’ve torn numerous ligaments in my foot and probably would hurt less if I had just broke my foot."

"Hearing this I was excited thinking yes I just scored."

"I Didn’t care about the pain at the moment just happy that I just potentially scored."

"They release me, and hand me a script."

"They wrote me a script for ibuprofen 800mg."

"Defeat."- GrouchyProduct2242

When Pranks Stop Being Funny

"Was night manager at fast food establishment during college."

"There was a bitter prank rivalry between our establishment and the Subway next to us."

"After months of prank escalation, I crammed a rotting hamburger patty in the handle of the Subway manager's trunk lid so he went knuckle deep in rotting burger when he went home."

"That was the end of the prank war and I've never forgiven myself for crossing the red line."- Quivum

How Ironic This Happened At A Therapists Office

"I’m gonna rat my little sister out."

"During our parents’ divorce & custody battle, we were forced to sit in on family counseling sessions."

"I was 12 & she was 8."

"We thought my Mom was acting funny & might have been banging the counselor on the side for her own personal testimonial interests (still not confirmed)."

"So we were pissed off because we loved our Mom and our Dad."

"It seemed like the counselor favored our mom over our Dad, and it got rough sometimes watching him become outed by the only 2 adult forces who didn’t love him in this world."

"ANYWAY, my little sister and I were left alone in his office, and she decided she was gonna take a sh*t in his little trash can to assert dominance."

"It was asserted."

"We never went back."- Pleasant-Security831

When You Gotta Go...

"Ugh this was an embarrassing one that I hope no one ever finds out."

"One night a few years ago, we (my boyfriend and his family) get Chinese food from our favorite little place."

"For some reason this night it doesn't sit well with me."

"An hour after eating I get that intensely sick feeling, like you have to poop so bad that you want to throw up."

"Whatever, I go upstairs and destroy the bathroom."

"It's important to note, there's two bathrooms upstairs and none downstairs, which is like a little apartment where my boyfriend and I stay."

"After I'm sure my bowels are empty, I go back down to lay in bed."

"Thought I could nap it off."

"Nah, about 30 seconds after laying down I get the urge to go again."

"I run upstairs and to my horror, both bathrooms are occupied. His sister is refusing to get of the shower even though it's an emergency and his dad is blowing up the other toilet, presumably suffering a similar fate to mine."

"I begrudgingly go sit in bed and contemplate my options as the bubbling in my gut grows worse."

"Bust down the bathroom door and traumatize his sister?"

"Make the 30 minute drive home?"

"No, it was urgent."

"I even thought about sh*tting my pants (against my will) and dealing with the embarrassment."

"God I don't want to subject my future in-laws to that."

"I begrudgingly realize my only option is to go outside like nature intended."

"Their yard is very open and it was a super bright-moonlit night, so there was no place to do it without feeling super exposed."

"Except for under the trampoline."

"My thought process was: no one has used the trampoline for years, and it's out of sight/ walking range so no one could accidentally step in it."

"Great. I do my business, get soaked in the process ( it was slightly raining and the trampoline was POURING water on me), clean up with napkins and wet wipes, come inside. Immediately throw up in the trash can from the shock/embarrassment/anxiety/sickness."

"Clean that up and immediately go to bed."

"Everything was fine for a few days, until my boyfriend's dad lightheartedly tells me how he was late for work that morning."

"The dog had rolled in some shit and he had to get a bath."

"I felt like throwing up all over again, but thankfully everyone just suspected it was some type of animal poop."-WeirdConnections

Revenge Is Seldom The Answer

"My hometown is generally pretty middle-class to poor."

"There's a bunch of rich people that live in the woods and one of them had a kid that went to our high school and bullied the f*ck out of the kids that weren't as wealthy."

"That sh*t head grew up and bought a Camaro last summer and removed the muffler so it would be the loudest thing in town."

"On new years eve of 2021, he decided to ruin a town tradition and lapped the town common with it during the tree lighting ceremony. while people were caroling and giving thanks."

"Summer of last year, me and a friend decided it was time to get revenge because nobody wanted to do anything about it."

"My friend's dad owned a junkyard and they recently got an old train horn from a busted diesel that ended up there."

"We spent a good week getting it set up in the back of his work truck and decided to wait on it for a little while."

"A month or so later, we found out he was having a party of some kind with other rich folks and his family but we didn't know what it was about, so we carefully parked outside his house on the opposite side of his fence."

"Right as it was starting, we blasted the train horn and peeled out before anyone knew what happened."

"News got out later and we found out the party we bombed was actually a wake for his late grandfather."- G4rg0yle_Art1st

Seemed Harmless At The Time...

"You know how people bag up their leaves and leave them out by the street?"

"As a teen we used to go out at night and dump them back out on people's lawns."

"Thinking about it now I would be so pissed if someone did that to me."- Toastbuns

They Didn't Have ANY Doubts?...

"When I was about 15 a neighbor of ours stopped us in the road and chewed us out for riding our go-carts in the road."

"This despite the fact that it was a dirt road in a rural area which was the perfect place for riding go carts."

"He was a complete a**hole about it too."

"I don't know where I got the idea from but I promptly went home, called the electric company, pretended to be the neighbor, and told them I wanted my electricity turned off as we were moving."

"It was the eighties so they just looked the account up by name and address and promptly entered my request in the system."

"I'm sure it was just a minor inconvenience for them but they deserved it in my opinion."- BaconReceptacle

Personal Demons Are Hard To Fight

"The day before I stopped drinking alcohol altogether, I was in a really dark place for a number of reasons."

"And I was ABSOLUTELY using alcohol as a crutch."

"One of the reasons why I was in such a bad place, emotionally, was because my cousin was in decline due to glioblastoma."

"I was actively seeing this person, that I loved dearly, lose his sense of self and ability to understand conversations and situations."

"And he was young—just turned 50."

"There was a lot of light in the beginning, but considering that glioblastoma is effectively a stage-less brain cancer, it was almost guaranteed he would lose the battle."

"The day that I stopped drinking altogether was the day that I was supposed to drive him to a research institute for his monthly treatment and check-in."

"It was the only time I was asked to take on that level of responsibility, as his wife would normally take him."

"I helped in a bunch of different ways, like hanging out with him when he’d otherwise be alone, but this appointment was pretty big."

"I depressedly drank myself into a stupor the night before and missed our meet-up time."

"I’d said that I’d be there no matter what, and I wasn’t."

"The appointment happened, and he 'reassured me' everything was okay as he knew the battle was over anyway."

"But I will never forgive myself for that."

"Even typing this out makes me feel like the biggest piece of sh*t."

"I wish I were sober then."- ssssskkkkkrrrrrttttt

Credit where it is due, just about every one of these people admitted to doing something wrong.

Even if it doesn't excuse their actions, as knowingly doing something you know is wrong might make it even worse...