***WARNING - THE FOLLOWING ISN'T FOR THE FAINT OF HEART!***
Medical mishap stories are like trainwrecks—you can't look away, or not read up.
Something about trauma and drama is too fascinating to let pass by.
We just have to hear more, even if it makes us queazy and then faint.
One of the worst body pain topics—at least for people who have one—involves the destruction of the penis. Even thinking about violent pain "down there" can cause tears.
Redditor PM_for_life_secretswanted to know who was willing to share some, unique, male crotch tales, so they asked:
"What is your penis 'horror story?'”
I'm not a fan of these kinds of stories, of course that doesn't stop me from reading.
Let me sit first.
The Farter
"Two parts. I was in hospital waiting for a cystoscopy. 15 years old. Sat in the bed, the consultant comes around. He's doing teaching rounds."
Giphy"He flips the sheet down, and reveals to all the students the glory that is my penis. After the cystoscopy, they've (I assume) vacuumed out the urine so they can see clearly with the camera. I go to pee. I get pfft pfft pffttt pffffttt. My penis was farting. It was both horrifying and impressive." ~ shemmie
Inflation
"When I was 8 I tried to inflate my penis with a soccer ball pump. I’d heard of penis pumps but looking back I didn’t quite understand the concept. I stuck the needle into my urethra and inflated a few pushes."
"It gave me A half chub and a strong urge to urinate. I tried to go pee but I just kinda farted out of my penis hole and the pee splattered everywhere like a sprinkler. 20 years later I get sharp pains randomly when I urinate. I’m almost positive I have a urethral structure." ~ Imafish12
A Flayed Penis...
"I had a patient who had really bad edema and would not quit trying to masturbate. He fell asleep or something with his foreskin retracted and his penis swelled up from the fluid but his foreskin didn't stretch and basically turned into a tourniquet."
"Went in to give him his bath and his penis was turning blue from the lack of blood flow. Called the urologist for help and he told me I had to go in there and squeeze the living hell out of his penis so the fluid would be pushed back into his body and his foreskin could be slid back down."
"I spent about 45 minutes with my hands clamped around his penis while my coworkers restrained him because he kept trying to punch me. Also gangrene of the penis and scrotum is real. Nothing like changing a wound vac on someone's flayed penis and scrotum." ~ seventhirtytwoam
Don't Grab!
"I was 4 years old and uncircumsized. While in a changing room at a swimming pool with my mother and her aunt. The aunt said 'his foreskin does not look right. it looks too tight is that ok?' "
"She reached out and grabbed it and pulled it tearing it open. I had to be taken to the hospital and was circumcised the next day as she had torn it too bad to be repaired." ~ stinkload
Case Closed
"When I was a toddler, two of my favorite things were accidentally mixed: being naked, and snapping books shut when I was done reading/looking at them." ~ StagDT93
GiphyI need a minute before we continue.
Why is there always so much blood?
Not THERE!!!
"Came home from camp and it turned out I had a tic on the head of my penis. I totally freaked out." ~ addisonaddisonii
GiphyBad Idea...
"Around the time I met my (now) wife, I was whoring around a bit. Well, I stopped seeing the other girls and started dating just my current wife. A couple weeks after we met, I started getting that painful, drip-d*ck. Had to call everyone to tell them someone had an STD."
"I go get checked out and a couple days later they call me back and said I didn’t have any STD but they found what looked like a fungal infection similar to athlete's foot. It dawned on me that a few weeks before, I was at the gym and decided to hit the tanning bed before I left, had nothing to put on my d*ck because I didn’t want it to burn. Decided to put my sock on it… bad idea." ~ Gluten_maximus
Lost Penis
"So, I am a nurse and work in a nursing home. This one time we got a patient for a short stay that had just had a partial penectomy (they removed about 2 inches of penis including the whole head). He had a catheter in with stitches around what penis he had left. Well, the man pulled the catheter out."
"(A catheter has a 10-30ml balloon that gets blown up inside of your bladder to keep the catheter from just sliding out.) He pulled the catheter out with the balloon intact and completely ripped open all of the stitches and essentially flowered what little penis he had left. I walk in the room to see the catheter bag laying on the floor and his bed covered in blood. He lost even more of his penis because of this." ~ PrincessShelbyy
Rashed...
"Early 20's, a lovely young lady was astride me for car sex outside of a bar. She had on a dress and thought it a good idea to move her panties to the side while she got on top me. The material rubbed my shaft raw and the next day my penis looked like a Tijuana hotdog."
"Had to go to base medical as it was extremely uncomfortable and wouldn't heal. Navy corpsmen are a sadistic but humorous bunch, so I had multiple nicknames after they saw my roadrash." ~ DefinitelyNotRyanH
Bad Jump
"When I was like 10 I tried to jump an aluminum fence, I slipped and cut the tip of my penis on the edge... thank God I didn't lose it." ~ Yurrrr__Brooklyn347
GiphyOld School
"My parents took me to an old-school doc who felt that my foreskin needed to be retractable by a certain age. I want to say I was some age between 3 and 5 years old. Multiple sessions of painful forced retraction. I haven't asked my parents about it, but my mother related a story about her parents trapping her uncle in the bathroom and forcing his foreskin back while he screamed."
"This story was related in regards to her regret in not having me circumcized. I remember reading that foreskin detachment progresses at different rates and it's only an issue if it hasn't happened by puberty. I'm not a doctor though."
dontpointatface
Flare Ups
"I have what I suspect is IBS, or at least some intestinal issues. I can get flare ups, which involves massive bloating for hours, as well as pain. Eventually things begin moving and the description of that is not relevant or wanted, I'm sure. Anyways, one morning I'm dealing with it. I've been awake all night, and I've learned that it's easier when I'm standing instead of lying down."
"I'm wearing my thick bathrobe, restlessly pacing and feeling generally miserable for myself. My wife wakes up, and notices I'm not in bed so comes to check on how I'm doing. To cheer me up, she reaches out playfully to touch my penis, sticking out from my open robe."
"She doesn't know that I've been basically shuffling my feet on carpet for two hours while wearing what amounts to a fluffy battery. What follows is a visible, thick bolt of Zeus' fury and an echoing SNAP as a static discharge arcs between my penis and her outstretched finger. There's no lasting damage, but I'll never forget the sight of that neon blue line connecting us."
Storm_Bard
The Sizzle
"When I was a kid I just jumped out of the shower and we had one of those oil bar heaters on wheels in the bathroom. I had just enough clearance height to stand over it but had to hold the lil fella up. Well I accidentally dropped it and it fell onto the heater and sizzled a lil bit."
MJReginald
Stand by Me
"5th grade camp. Went the whole weekend not using the bathroom. Got home and peed to find roughly 40 ticks on my dick. I want to put it in a movie to share the trauma."
didymostl
River Phoenix Film GIFGiphyBad Shepard
'Went to adopt a German Shepherd. While playing with it outside the Humane Society, it got excited and bit the tip of my penis. I thought my soul left my body."
Local_Membership_306
"Had a German Shepherd bite through my shoe when I was a kid. Still the one breed that makes me a little nervous. They just seem a bit off."
justabill71
Birth Pains
"When my penis gave birth to a KIDNEY STONE."
placer128
"Yes. I had one. I felt it coming for a bit but it hadn’t been working it’s way down. It was relatively small so it wasn’t a cause of great concern for myself or the doctor."
"Well, mine apparently was sharp and a sharp edge got lodged into the sphincter between my ureter and bladder. The resulting swelling got it stuck more, and also clogged my ureter and started sending urine back up into my kidney."
"It felt like I had to take a massive piss but I couldn’t. I was able to get some relief at the ER, and then everything seemed fine until about a week later. Yea it hadn’t passed, it became just lodged different way. Urologist was able to get me. Good god the drugs were amazing to take that pain away."
JayWalterWeathermann
A Vile Tale
"One Sunday morning, my old housemate woke me with a vile tale. The night before, he’d been out drinking and met a lady. Now this lady was a little (a lot) older that he was at the time. Anyway, he went for it anyway and went home with the broad. The terms 'bone dry' and 'jackhammer' were used to describe the event."
"At the conclusion, he saw a puddle of blood. He questioned the lady about it assumed she was on her period, to which she responded 'love… I have menopause.' At this point he examined himself to find he had ripped his banjo string. For weeks I heard screens as he urinated in the bathroom adjacent to my room. Poor guy."
No-Figure8943
Shut In
"Before I was 10 we had this dresser we inherited that had been in a fire so the drawers were janky to open. So naturally I shut my penis in there because I wanted to see if I could get it back out. Couldn't. So after much oooing and hawing my mother came to my rescue and jimmied open the drawer. So a few minutes later naturally I shut my penis in there because I was SURE I could get it back out this time. Couldn't."
NoAir9583
Slithered
"I was making ramen when I was like 14 and I was in my boxers. I spilled the boiling water directly on my penis and balls, and the pain was like soul shocking. My dick ended up peeling like a snake."
G_man252
nat geo desert GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphyBad Kitty
"I was rinsing my lil’ buddy off in the sink after sex with a friend. My beloved cat, who used to love drinking running water from the sink, leapt up onto the counter. He slipped in some spilled water and his back claws 'connected' with my penis, scratching all the way down the right side of my champion. The pain. The blood. I was out of action for weeks. 10/10 do not recommend. Still miss the cat though."
BennyBadass
I need to lay down.
Anyone else feeling faint?
How do you survive all that?
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"What dark facts do you know about food industry?"
Unwanted Extra Ingredients...
"Sometimes the salads aren't bug free."
"There were times where I received crap for taking too long washing lettuce."
"Staff would wash a large container of lettuce like once or twice."
'I did it 3 or 4 times."
"I didn't stop until the water was clear and had no bugs."
"The others had a 'who cares' attitude."
"One time my boss needed my help and said to me frustrated, 'The lettuce is already washed, unpack it in salads quickly'."
"The lettuce looked dirty so I said to myself 'I can't sell this to people'."
"I washed it and guess what the water looked like."
"Dark brown from soil, 50+ dead gnats, a living and swimming spider the size of a penny."- FightStageYouTube
The Contaminants Will Not, Though...
"Worse I participated in as kitchen staff in a rather top-flight restaurant."
"On a slow summer Sunday afternoon, the boss sent us down to the walk-in meat coolers to spray paint the rusted walls."
"We were instructed to not remove the contents of cooler first; rather just shift the meat from one side of cooler to other."
"The coat of silver spray paint will come off during cooking."- Zealousideal_Lie_383
Season 11 Cooking GIF by MasterchefGiphyYou Have No Idea What's Been In There...
"The deep fryer grease is long overdue for a change; but it’s expensive to do so nightly."- Zealousideal_Lie_383
And People Go To Bed Hungry...
"The amount of waste thrown away every single day by grocery stores."
"I worked in the meat department of a decently sized grocery store and the waste their was nauseating."
"I sh*t you not, we would throw away an industrial sized garbage bin worth of meat, fish, and poultry every single day."
"The expiration dates dictated everything which is obviously a sensible policy to have, but they wouldn't do anything about it."
"They wouldn't donate it, let employees take it home, or make adjustments to the orders so we wouldn't have to throw so much away."
"The reasoning was always 'better have to much than not enough' which I guess makes a little sense, but when I am throwing away dozens of pounds of tenderloins, center cut fish and shellfish per night, its to much."
"Mind you, this is one department of one grocery store."
"Sorry for the rant but I feel like it needed to be said."- Zastrow_Studios
Waste Management Food GIF by UC DavisGiphyThere's A Reason They're "All You Can Eat..."
"In my country, buffets often sell spoiled food, like if the employees see mold on top of the sour cream, they just scrape it down and continue selling it."
"Also, if they sell cooked meat, they often leave them on the counter for days and add some oil to it every morning to look fresh."- Wooden_Potential_699
Don't Believe Everything You Hear... (But Remember, This One Was In Canada...)
"So odd to see all of the comments that chain places are dirty!"
"On the weekends I work as a server in the lounge of Boston Pizza (Canadian chain—not sure if there are any in the states) and when I started working there I was seriously impressed with the cleanliness procedures!"
"For one example, parmesan and chilli containers are emptied and cleaned every night, as well as salt and pepper shakers!"
"Kitchen protocols are very clean and organized as well!"- noobishpineapple
Happy Season 17 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyNot Exactly "Haute Cuisine"...
"You'd never want to eat at a restaurant again once you saw how much of your $70 meal for two came frozen and pre-prepared in plastic bags."- PhilipLiptonSchrute
It's Not Just The Greens That Need Washing...
"Grocery distribution warehouses are often extremely filthy and rarely cleaned."
"Wash anything canned, bottled or jarred!"
"They're filthy as hell, covered in microplastics, rotten food, mouse pee, bird sh*t, etc etc."
"I used to do maintenance on conveyor systems for a major US chain and they just send sh*t flying down the conveyors so fast that, its fairly common for glass to shatter because of the vibrations, food to fall off, etc etc."
"I saw Bats, Birds and Mice in that facility, but it was within tolerance of their health policy."
"Also saw people that were sick sneezing and coughing on products."
"Never saw a floor scrubber go through the warehouse the entire 3mo I worked there and I was doing alternating double shifts!"
"The only time I saw a broom was if there was shattered glass."- -Plunder-Bunny-
mice GIFGiphyRemember, All These Incidents Are Case By Case...
"As a former chef, I've got to say that I've never seen any of the horrible stuff mentioned here over my career (mostly higher end and fine dining establishments)."
"We on ocassion would have things like frozen airline chicken breasts brought in, but other than that we did all prep and cooking by hand with fresh ingredients from mostly local purveyors when possible."
"We also broke down and deep cleaned every night from the ranges to the floors to the wells to the vents."
"Every night."
"Myself and staff have always taken this sh*t very seriously, and it's always disappointing when you hear of this kind of behavior."
"Do better, people."- iamtehryan
They Trick You With The Language
"It’s more like misleading labeling."
"No sugar."
"Right?"
"Wrong if you read ingredients on a lot of these packaging it will say things like maltodextrin and dextrose."
"That’s actually a sugar."
"Because of regulation they only have to label it no sugar and people think it’s healthy, etc."- SavemebabyK
Maybe Just Stick With Sausage...
"Worked in a pepperoni factory 20+ years ago as an accountant."
"Found that the more MSP in the bill of materials, the lower quality and cheaper the product."
"Looking at the stuff, it looked kind of like an old square crumbly eraser if you remember those."
"So I asked what MSP was."
"It's 'mechanically separated pork'."
"When I asked what that means, they told me that after all the good meat is cut off of a pig, a power washer is used to blast the remaining flesh off the carcass."
"That's scooped up, dried out and packaged as MSP."
"Enjoy your next cheap pepperoni pizza."- Lahk74
Catering Happy Birthday GIF by Feliks Tomasz KonczakowskiGiphyIt's very easy to decide not to eat at a certain restaurant, or dine at a certain grocery store owing to a less-than-appealing appearance.
That being said, many people might be surprised to discover that conditions at the "higher end" options might be as bad or worse.
Then too... if the food is delicious, and has yet to make you sick, then perhaps ignorance is, in fact, bliss.
Redditor rayray1010 wanted to hear about the ways TV has been destroyed, so they asked:
"What single plot decision ruined a good television series?"
Break Out
prison break GIFGiphy"Prison Break was a great concept for a show. But then once they broke out of prison they kept making the show."
Se7enLC
"Fox doesn't know when to cancel a show. They either go for a season or two too long or they get canceled too early."
bangbangracer
Too Weird
"Deb being in love with Dexter. I don't know what they were thinking."
wilmontcm
"It was kind of pointless. If they brought it up in the first place, they should've run with it. Then, on their wedding day, Debra finds Dexter's slides."
"I can hear her now 'I was getting ready to marry my brother, but now I find out he's a f**king serial killer!!'"
GrandUnhappy9211
"Came looking for this. Weirdest plot choice ever."
RateNXS
Grievances
"We could fill this entire comment section with GoT grievances :/ "
DIWhy-not
"Season eight singlehandedly took one of, if not the most talked about shows at the time and made collapse into pop culture oblivion! Not a single person I knew or interacted with wasn't watching 'Game of Thrones,' I swear every other conversation looped back to that show eventually, but after S8 no one gave a sh*t about it."
Enganeer09
"There were so many, and this is so unpopular opinion, but Dany and Jon falling in love was just boring. I hope GRRM avoids it but I guess the chance for that is low. I mean, the chance he ever finishes another book for the series is low."
sharksarenotreal
Over It
"The Blacklist writers almost cruelly withholding answers from the audience year after year after year."
zsal830
"I gave up when Liz died and Dembe became an FBI agent, and the show was already dying before that for me. I loved watching James Spader's acting, but it got to the point that even that wasn't enough to keep me involved. I've heard it's in the final season now, so once it's over I'll just Google the ending and that's good enough for me."
Bobisburnsred
Bad Changes
Episode 3 GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy"Misfits when they started getting rid of the main characters from season 1."
discostud1515
"The second the group changed the show lost what made it great."
legend_forge
That show was delightfully strange and certainly fit its title.
Cast shake-ups can really zap a show of its magic... especially when the show itself is about super powers.
Oh Luke
season 4 netflix GIF by Gilmore Girls Giphy"When they revealed Luke had a child he didn't know about in Gilmore Girls."
writtenrain
"Like I feel bad because she’s a kid, but I hate April. Such a terrible plot device. There was plenty going on without her coming into the picture."
helloitstessa
Stop at the beginning
"When they left the park in Westworld."
Indian_Bob
"Unfortunately the writers were very keen to write a commentary on AI in society, and thus drove it in a direction, which as a show in itself is interesting, but went a lot further than the source material in this regard. There were two shows there and neither was done justice."
IHaveHivesWithBees
"I think Season 1 is one of the best shows ever made. It has everything: characters, story ark, riddle, and its closure and very good (just a bit open) ending. Other seasons are just an attempt of producers to milk the story and Id rather pretend they don’t exist."
techlogger
Too Soon
"Sherlock f**ked up by killing Moriarty too early."
"Andrew Scott's performance was so great that they then had to keep trying to shoehorn the already dead Moriarty into later plots or end up with the travesty that was the last series with Sherlock's even smarter sister, who secretly cooked up everything with Mortiarty, just so they could have more Moriarty scenes."
"The whole show went from top-class Peak TV to absolute dogs**t in a slow decline that started with the poor Doylist decision to kill Jimbo."
Histary_Studentary
A Re-Work
"The overall seventh season of Once Upon a Time. It should have been reworked in its entirety."
StillAnIntrovert
"I agree with that. Another bad point was when they made Emma the Dark One when they literally just introduced Lilly, who had the saviors' darkest potential."
"That could have been an epic villain as 'The Dark Savior.'" Also, them constantly having Rumple and Belle get back together. He was power-driven and would always put her second. I loved it in season 4 when she finally realized that and banished him from Storybrooke."
Electrowhatt19
sexy happy days GIFGiphyMany of these franchises jumped the shark, as they say.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments
