It's hard to live with and near impossible to overcome.
I know, I struggle everyday.
It's always appreciative to have people who "try" to empathize.
But often the sentiment doesn't fit the delivery.
There are ways to comfort a sad person that doesn't make it worse.
I know you're trying your best.
But let's make your best... the greatest.
RedditorHeavy-Strain32wanted to discuss the best ways to help a person suffering.
"What's the most genuine thing you can say to a person going through depression?"
I always appreciate someone willing to cry with me. That is a big help. Just a suggestion.
‘"It’s really difficult isn’t it.' I loved this line that my therapist said when I was sharing my struggles. There was no judgment, no advice, just felt like I was genuinely being heard."
xlOREOlxSeason 4 Hug GIF by Good GirlsGiphy
"This is like my favorite show of sympathy/empathy I've ever witnessed. Zuko hearing Sokka tell him about his girlfriend: "that's rough, buddy."
"Not saying sorry for your loss and putting the weight of saying 'it's ok' on the one experiencing the pain, no 'here's a relevant story of mine to show how I can relate' just..."
"'Sh*t man, the thing you went through was rough and you're justified for feeling this way.'"
I miss that guy...
"My boss once said to me 'there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling - you're sick. And it's not something that's easy to live with. don't feel bad because you have an illness you can't fix - you wouldn't expect someone with cancer to feel bad, would you?' He then gave me a man hug and we had beers and a vent session for three hours. I miss that guy."
“I’m grilling tonight, wanna come over?”
"Honestly, when I’ve been depressed there is a double layer of shame. Being treated as a friend just like any other made it feel like I was still part of society and community. Being treated with mittens makes you feel even more worthless and a pariah."
"I love you buddy. Friend of mine said it to me when I was struggling. It was instantly disarming of my bad thoughts and still resonates with me now. I find it hard to say myself though as I never really had a male role model growing up."
alidafHappy Season 3 GIF by FriendsGiphy
All great suggestions so far. Empathy is easy...
"Anything that isn't a variation of 'think positive.' The illness makes it literally impossible. I liked to hear that I still meant something to the people in my life, despite me not being able to give."
raxeira-etterathSacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy
"It's the hugs that don't even need said. At my last job I was in a dark place at the time and slipping back into depression. My blow up at work went from work issues to issues in my life and I didn't realize how far I went and my sauté guy held me. It's the most human moment I've had and it broke me in a good way. Sometimes just having a moment of that same feeling of connection, physical or not, can be what saves and/or helps that person."
"I’m not the best person to come to with these problems so when people around me do have that I always tell them the same thing, 'Want to go fishing? I’m bringing a grill and some charcoal.'"
"We all get taken off guard, especially if you didn’t notice any changes in their behavior before. Often just a simple invite to hang out (no obligation) can be enough to remind somebody they aren’t alone and have a friend."
"Lots of conflicting stuff here, because I’m seeing many suggest 'I understand' - but to me I hated hearing that. I always felt like 'no you don’t. You may know what it’s like to be in your own version of hell, but not mine.' For me, I think I always preferred those who said 'I want to try to understand' or just a simple 'love you' or 'want to hang out and not talk to each other at all and watch scrubs?'"
"I might not understand what you're going through, but I'm here for you and I love you."
tarkinlarsonI Love You GIF by Taylor SwiftGiphy
Ways to be there. Chapter One....
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It's a known fact, that after having one too many drinks, our judgment and multiple abilities become severely impaired.
And as a result, we should probably avoid doing important work, calling exes or unrequited crushes, and, of course, driving.
But, have you ever surprised yourself, by realizing that you're actually good at something after having a few drinks.
That maybe one thing an excess of alcohol cured was your self-consciousness, and may have improved your confidence?
Redditor 1bottleofwineb was curious to hear what hidden talents the Reddit community unearthed after having one too many, leading them to ask:
"What are you strangely good at when drunk?"
Who told you that? Oh...
"I start oversharing pretty quickly."
"It's a problem when hanging out with colleagues."- tanej86312
I'm not usually this outgoing!
"Making friends lol."- Illustrious_Big_8485
"Talkative, being able to hold a conversation about almost anything."- D-RezGiphy
Where did my inhibitions go?
"Oddly enough, most anything that relies on reaction speed."
"My best guess is that I second guess myself too much when I'm sober, so I wind up waiting too long."
"If I actively try to counteract that, I jump the gun."
"When alcohol gets involved, I just stop thinking about it and nail it."
"Literally the only time I've managed to beat several textbook examples of incredibly difficult video game bosses, ie. 'Hollow Knight's Absolute Radiance', 'Malenia in Elden Ring', was when I was riding that edge between tipsy and drunk.- orein123
8 ball left corner...
"I normally suck ,and when I'm trashed I really suck."
"But there's a sweet tipsy spot in the middle I'm freaking great."
"I don't keep drinking to be drunk I do it to keep the pool juice flowing."- Niznacktime shot GIFGiphy
A skill no one wants
"Ruining friendships and relationships."
"F*ckin masterclass."- KatatoniK94
I'm bilingual? Who knew!
"My second language comes out easier."- Grapegoop
Making decisions... I'll definitely regret...
"Sending my friends stupid 'I'm drunk haha' texts."
"Someone take my f*cking phone away please."- existential-mysterydrunk parks and recreation GIFGiphy
Ready, Steady, Go!
"I guess not so much anymore but in my early twenties, when I lived in San Diego, I'd get drunk and run for like 12 miles, sometimes by the beach."
"When I would wake up the next morning I'd be like.... how did I do that?"- helltothenoyo
Amazing the things we can do after a few too many glasses of wine.
Though, best to just enjoy it in the moment, rather than try to replicate it...
Those who have recently moved, or simply visiting, a city completely new to them often feel unsafe and unsure in their new surroundings.
Even if they likely aren't in any immediate danger, they still might feel worried or intimidated to go out, particularly on their own.
Unless, of course, they are experienced city dwellers, and have a well developed set of street-smart skills.
Redditor egalCriminal69 was curious to learn the best tips from the most alert and attentive Reddit users on how to stay aware of your surroundings and handle possibly unsafe situations, leading them to ask:
"People with street-smarts, what is ur best street tips?"
Best not to get involved
"No shame in running away from a fight."- SuvenPan·
Always be open to alternatives
"There's more than one way to get home."
"If you see something shady going on on your normal route you're better off taking the long way than getting involved with whatever is happening."- RedPanther1
Show confidence... even if you arent...
"Always act like you know where you are going."- GrenuilleGIF by Town & KeyGiphy
Sometimes bringing attention to yourself pays off...
"Know that criminals rely on their victims to be polite and not cause a scene or draw attention to themselves."
"When something happens to you, scream and shout."
"Make it known you’re in danger."- brkh47
Be aware of your surroundings, and hold on to your belongings
"If you're in a big town or a city and a group of kids surround you, keep your hands in your pockets and don't let them get behind you."
"Some will try to distract you while others pickpocket you."- Melonmode
How long have you got...
"There is no good reason to loiter in a city, especially at night."
"Look at street signs and sh*t only long enough to know where you are."
"Walk quickly, but like you're in a hurry to go somewhere, not leave where you are."
"Mind your business."
"Any yelling, fighting, or any source of commotion should be ignored."
"Move away from it immediately--you have more important shit to do, act like it."
"If someone calls out to you or tries to stop you, don't break stride."
"Respond immediately by briefly glancing at their face, their eyes, and their hands, in that order."
"Immediately look back in your direction of travel, shake your head and loudly say 'I got sh*t going on'."
"If they persist, just repeat it while walking away."
"A stressed, visibly engaged person looks dangerous."
"Cultivate a pissed-off expression."
"Not 'bad@ss', don't try to look like someone you're not."
"Just look mad, inconvenienced, and on the way to deal with it."
"Don't hold eye contact longer than four seconds, and don't break it faster than two."
"When you break eye contact, glance down to diffuse a situation, and look away to the side to display confidence."
"Break one law at a time."
"If you're doing nefarious sh*t, dress like you're on the way to or from work."
"Make sure your car is sorted, all lights work, tags are current, full tank of gas, etc."
"Keep your speed within five MPH of the posted limit."
"Don't have bumper stickers, window decals, or anything hanging from the rearview mirror."
"Wear your f*cking seatbelt."
"Unless you absolutely know you need a gun, just don't f*ck with them."
"Never keep it on you."
"Never carry drugs, stolen sh*t, or anything illegal with a gun, and don't keep or store any of that stuff in the same place as a gun."
"Anything + a gun = much longer sentencing guidelines, and mandatory minimums."
"Just don't f*ck with guns."
"Never let someone force you into a car, an alleyway, inside a house, anything."
"No matter what the situation, your odds are better if you fight or run."
"If someone pulls a gun on you and is farther away than about 15-20 feet, run away from them at an angle."
"It is a lot harder to hit a moving target with a handgun than most people realize."
"Even if you know how to fight, avoid it whenever possible."
"Graveyards are full of people who thought they were hard."
"If any of this is something you have to think about on a regular basis, change your life."
"This is not the way people are supposed to live."- kiloheavy
Don't text and drive... or walk!
"Stay THE F*CK off your phone and pay attention to your surroundings."
"Best way to get knocked over the head and your pockets ran is with your nose in your phone and your earbuds in."- mediaG33K
Sometimes best NOT to give the benefit of the doubt...
"Don't talk to any strangers and don't let them stop you on the street."
"Just keep walking."- gmilfmoneymilk·Vivien Leigh Quote GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphy
No matter where you are, it's always best to be aware of your surroundings.
And whenever possible, wise to avoid walking alone at night.
That's why we have Lyft.
Good smells and bad smells are generally considered pretty universal, but there are definitely some outliers.
Most people can't stand the smell of gasoline, but there are quite a few people who find the smell pleasant.
Redditor Psycho_Bunny_Cutie asked:
"What's a weird smell you're willing to admit you like?"
"Not getting sprayed directly because I've never had that happen so I don't know if I'd like it, but the lingering aftermath."
"My friend's dogs got sprayed and I helped get them bathed. It almost drove them out of their house, but I liked the smell. It lingered for months."
Disney Home Video
"I remember liking the smell of Disney VHS cases."
"Omg. This unlocked a memory for me. I also loved this. But I haven’t done it in so long that I had forgotten. But this comment literally brought the smell right back. Thank you!"
"Me toooooo. Holy sh*t. I feel like it’s 1995 and I’m on the living room floor about to pop in Pocahontas for the 4th time today."
"I dont know if this counts, where I used to live is very common to hug people all the time, and if I have been in someone's home before, the place would have a particular smell, and almost everytime I would hug them, they would smell like their home. It always felt good to make that association, it was comforting somehow."
"Same for me, and then when you're out and about and you catch a wiff of something that smells the same even if it's been years they pop into your mind."
"The smell of brand new tech gadgets. It smells of technology. Whenever I buy a new mouse or keyboard (it is especially true for logitech products I don't know if it is a general thing) I sniff them as long as I can detect that sweet plastic-y, ultra clean-smelling goodness."
"Back when CD's were the dominant form of data transfer, I would LOVE every time a new one was opened, just sniffing the new CD."
"Years later, I discovered a nearly identical (to me) smell that works just as well... fresh saffron. Saffron smells like new CD's to me, and I love it."
"Ah, back in the old days, the smell of papers that the teacher handed out that were fresh off those old hand-cranked mimeograph machines. The solvent. Mmmm."
- whazzup_b*tchesFast Times At Ridgemont High GIF by FilminGiphy
"Pvc pool toys when you're unfolding them before you blow them up."
"I bought a shower curtain the other day and instead of a light plastic smell it smelled heavily of inflatable pool toys, best shower ever."
"I love the smell of basement- which I don't know if is weird, but I'm the only one I know who likes it."
"Yessss, also sometimes underground parking garages or stairwells have it. Everyone always thinks I’m an idiot when I bring it up."
"The smell of Home Depot"
"I have long been hoping for Yankee Candle to team up with Home Depot to a lumber aisle scented candle."
Hot Pavement And Rain
"Hot parking lot when it first starts to rain."
"The best! I can smell it now. Thanks for that. That smell in a sun shower is like the best feeling you could ever feel."
"Matches after the flame goes out."
"Ooooh I like the smell when you blow out a candle."
- Kaisa_is_shortLighting Up GIF by GifGariGiphy
While there are some smells that seem like everyone must hate them, there's always going to be someone who thinks they smell better than roses.
We know "metal detectors" and "cool" aren't typically used in the same sentence, but rock with us on this one.
Imagine if you found something really undeniably awesome. Would it make the hours of pacing and searching worth it?
Reddit user heloooreddit asked :
"People who metal detect, what's the coolest thing you've found?"
As someone who lives in S. Florida and has really only seen metal detectors used on hot, sandy beaches, I can confidently say it would have to be really very insanely cool and/or adorably heartwarming in order for me to decide being out in that heat and getting sweaty and likely sunburned was worth it.
Read through the things Reddit has found and see if it would be worth it for you.
A Whole.... Town.
"My buddy and I set out to find an old gold mining camp. We followed the maps and were in the right place when we discovered that the town was actually on the other side of a canyon. We had to beat our way through some 12' brush and then started finding things everywhere."
"He found a pocketwatch right by the side of the old wagon road. We realized that the entire dump was still there. Like the place had become forgotten and finally recorded on the wrong side of the creek years before. We actually stopped hunting and told the Forest Service. We met and took the archaeologist up there. He was floored because everything was still in context. Felt pretty good about finding a whole town."
"Here I am prepared for some wedding ring, or a casual coin. First comment: 'we found a town' ."
"Thanks for leaving as is and not taking what isn’t yours."
"I work with a bunch of archaeologists. They would just be drooling over getting to be involved in a dig like this."
A BombDr Strangelove Movie GIFGiphy
"15 years ago, me and my siblings found bomb from World War II in the Belgian Ardennes, using a $30 toy metal detector."
"I remember walking off-road in the woods for hours until we found a spot that looked like nobody has been there in ages. We quickly found a couple of bullets and, while I was inspecting the bullets, my younger brother age 9 saw something sticking out of the dirt."
"At first, we thought it was a rusty metal can, but when he pulled it out, it took us a moment to realize that he was holding a bomb. We didn’t know whether it was still intact so I instructed him to slowly put it down in way that it could not roll off the hill and hit something."
"We didn’t have any mobile phones so we rushed to the nearest road which we followed to get to a village to get help. We marked the trees so we would remember where we had hidden the bomb."
"When we arrived at the village, we explained what happened. Luckily, they believed our story and called the local police. When he arrived, we couldn’t understand a word he said (he was speaking French, we only spoke Dutch) — but eventually he would follow us deep into the woods."
"When we arrived, the bomb was luckily still there, and after an inspection by the police officer we were instructed to leave as apparently it was too dangerous and had to be picked up by the bomb squad — but not before we snapped a picture for the local press, posing with the bomb next to us. I still have that picture."
"This is fantastic, what a story and great you have the photo"
"I went with a friend who's big into his detecting to see what he gets up to, we spend a solid 6 hours in this one field which he was adamant used to have a roman farmhouse."
"Just before we were going to give up for the day, and to be clear we had found the odd roman coin which was really cool in itself, we stumbled across what seemed to be really big. Anyway, long story short we dug down amd found a selection of roman agricultural tools set out in a relatively neat formation."
"My friend has since gone back and found further tools as well as a huge haul of coins.
This will be really underwhelming for a lot of people but the historic tools were really cool"
"Wouldn’t have been underwhelming for me. Sounds awesome"
"Underwhelming? Hell no, that's wicked! In fact I'm sure a lot of people would love to see some pics!"
Another Big FindHistory Blacksmith GIF by Age Of Empires CommunityGiphy
"I found a blacksmith’s shop in the middle of a farmers field. I was detecting for a historical society and their local expert told me to detect a certain spot that he calculated where the blacksmith shop would be."
"I did a 10x10 foot area with only finding small pieces of slag. I wasn’t convinced that the shop was there, but the expert wouldn’t have it."
"While everyone took a break at noon. I started a spiral pattern going farther and farther from his calculations. About 30 minutes later and 100 feet away, I got good strong signals and large slag pieces. I even found a single clay brick. One of the society members started an excavation at my spot."
"They eventually hit the corner of the shops foundation. They found a hammer and tools for the anvil and the rest of the blacksmith shop."
"That's awesome. Good on you for using 'trust but verify' for the calculations"
Not A Tank
"Using a Schonstedt metal detector to determine the absence or presence of an underground heating oil storage tank in Morristown, New Jersey I found a subsurface object corresponding in size to a 550 gallon tank (4’x6’)."
"I obtained a municipal permit for removal, subsurface utility mark outs and when I excavated I discovered the object was not a tank but a cache of revolutionary war era cannonballs."
"I totally thought you were about to play us with a really boring story."
Two Decades Worth
"Been at it since 1999."
"I've found a lot of stuff so what would be the coolest find would be subjective."
"I've found a few gold rings , silver jewelry, silver coins, civil war bullets including a couple of possible 'bite' bullets and one union cavalry button."
"Top finds would be... several silver half dollars (Walking liberties from the 1940s and ben franklins from the 1950s). my oldest coin find (an 1853 seated liberty dime) , my only seated liberty quarter (1877), my three gold rings (one that has 25 small diamonds, another that is a wide band wedding ring with three initials carved into the outside with inlaid silver metal, and an old Herf jones graduation/school ring that is basically a blank... nothing carved into it), an uncrushed 1930s silver thimble (most found thimbles are crushed)."
"I've never found a gold coin or a silver silver dollar or a pocket watch, or a two cent coin, or a three cent coin. :("
"I live in Missouri so finds for the area will not be as old as say in the New England states. I DO know one guy who found an 1801 large cent in Kansas."
"I've found nearly every kind of coin from the 1850s to present day (barbers, wheaties, seateds, indianheads, standing liberties, etc. etc..). Only exceptions would be gold coins and silver dollars and some half dollars. I've posted some pics in my past AMAs and other posts so if you search my name and metal detecting or metal detector on reddit you will find them."
"Username checks out."
"Literally only did it once with a friend when I was a teenager at a beach with a friend (he and his dad were really into it). We found a $20k watch in 1995 dollars."
"Wasn’t a Rolex, but can’t remember the maker. We took it to a jeweler who made a few calls and found out it was in a registry and the owner was called. He was elated as it was a gift from his wife. He sent us each a check for $1,000."
"The jeweler gave us each a b*tchin fake gold chain on the spot. Jean shorts and high tops need the perfect neck accessory and we got it!"
"So neat that you were able to find the original owner!"
"Not only did you do the right thing, you got a good reward for it too. That's pretty awesome."
Some Lovememories photograph GIF by Good Deed EntertainmentGiphy
"I used to live near the railroad tracks near an airport and an old industrial area. They used to have a local station for the workers to shuttle into the area (late 1800's, early 1900's). They eventually tore down the station in the 30's/40's when the highways got built nearby."
"My dad used to take me with metal detectors and we would find railroad spikes, pocketwatches, wrist watches, old silver dollars and other coins."
"Best haul by far was a gold locket with a picture of someone's wife/girlfriend ensribed 'All My Love, Annie'. It wasn't the prettiest locket, but you bet your bottom dollar someone was kicking themselves for losing that precious treasure."
"All i can think is someone suffered a bad breakup and chucked the locket out of the train haha"
Gold, Gold I Tell Youepisode 12 gold GIFGiphy
"Not my thing, but my brother was detecting just downstream from a popular swimming hole on the American River in California a couple of years ago, looking for dropped watches, phones, go pros, etc. Got a hit, flipped a rock, and found an 11.5-ounce gold nugget underneath."
"Miners tore the hell out of those rivers back in the 1849 Gold Rush, and amateurs have been panning it ever since, so it was pretty freaking incredible to find something that big."
A Cherished Find
"I was detecting on a beach and a desperate South African man approached and told me he had lost his necklace his mother (now deceased) had given him when he was young."
"His friend had wrapped it in a towel and gone swimming. Then upon returning, flicked the sand out of the towel with the necklace in it."
"He had to go home for the day, but I searched where he told me he was sitting. 15 minutes later, my metal detector went absolutely nuts for this beautiful silver chain."
'I said to him that had he not asked me to look for him, I would have definitely found it later that night long after he had left with no way of contacting him. Crazy how life works like that."
"Aww, that was really kind of you. I'm so glad you found it!!"
Okay yeah - we'll admit, finding a whole town or a stash of revolutionary era cannonballs would be pretty worth it.
Which of these would be most worth it for you?