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Waiters Dish About The Most Awkward Dates They've Witnessed

Awkward dates happen to everyone. But it's interesting to be a third party observer, and even more interesting to be in charge of the table upon which the awkward date is happening. And some stories transcend awkward.


u/StittDownAndListen asked:

Waiters and Waitresses of Reddit, what is the most awkward couple date you have ever witnessed at work?

Here were some of those stories.



Cringe

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I work at a dinner theatre, and we usually do proposals where we set up a 'random draw' where the 'winner' comes up on the stage to win their prize, and are then surprised by their partner who proposes. It's usually sweet and makes everybody in the room all fuzzy and warm.

This one guy wanted to take it further and requested to perform a song — he brought his own music and everything. We're pretty easy going at this job, so we agree to let him do it.

We do the fake draw, the woman comes up on stage in front of a room of 400 people, and the music starts to play. Apparently this guy was a little nervous, and he compensated by having a few drinks. So what follows is a slurred performance of a song written by this guy, that seemed to focus on how he was sorry for cheating on this woman with her sister and at the end of it, he gets down on one knee and proposes. Usually this gets a round of applause, encouraging the person to say yes; but not after that train wreck of a performance. The poor woman was just holding her face the entire time and starts shaking her head and says "No, what's wrong with you?" She storms off and leaves him and our stage manager on stage to a bunch of murmuring from the audience. The only thing our stage manager can think of to say on mic is "Well, that's that."

The guy ended up staying for the rest of the show and had many more drinks. That was years ago and it still remains one of the cringiest things I've ever seen.

AgainstBelief

A Charade For Safety's Sake

They came in and the first thing I notice is that the woman was noticeably older than the man but I don't really judge about that kind of thing and I also don't assume people are on dates. maybe she is his aunt? or they are just friends?

So I went to go ask about drinks and do the usual peppy greeting and she is super chatty. Basically talks for him and answers questions that were straight for him. Okay, I think, maybe that's just how they are. She proceeds to order them both hard alcohol straight... at 10 am... I figure "eh maybe they are on a vacation together". You never know.

It finally hit me that something wasn't right was when she wouldn't stop making sexual comments about the two (which is how I knew it was kind of a date). I am talking straight up things like "I am 53 but with the amount of work I have had done to my downstairs, he won't be able to tell tonight if I am actually 23" I am watching the mans face and he looks pained.

I watch the table from afar. I realize it kind of looks like a date gone wrong, but they seemed to know each other so I am not really sure what is going on (and servers always chat and theorize about their customers in their free-time) when the man gets up and comes over to me and asks me to chat with him around the corner really discretely. So I do. He looks as me and is talking super fast as he explains that this is his boss and he has to meet with her quarterly and she just has to sign a single form to approve what he has been doing and she insists on going out for a meal and drinking and then trying to sleep with him. Every time. I was horrified for him -- he looked that panicked. He said that he usually gets her to sign it before they leave the restaurant and then makes an excuse to ditch her. We made a code sign (him patting the back of his head three times) so that I could intervene when she would get far too inappropriate but honestly she didn't change much when I would come. He also asked me to bring him fake alcoholic beverages, said I could charge him for the alcohol but to make them water or just soda.

I still think about him sometimes and wish I had gotten his name or something so I could check in and encourage him to report her, but in all honesty she probably owned the company he worked for or something the way she spent money and looked like.

rufusmaru

Rightfully Cursing

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Late to the party but I will share my story. Had a couple come in one night and everything seemed to be going fine. We just hired a new sever who was training and I asked her if she had any questions. She was still nervous about greeting tables so I told her she could shadow me and watch what I do. We go over to the couples table and all I hear from the new server is "YOU F*CKING BITCH I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME"

Turns out the guy was her bf on a date with his side chick and he didn't know she just got a job there. She didn't get fired for what she said.

CigarJpug

Foul Business

When I was bartending this guy came into the bar on a week night, average looking guy, late twenties. He sat down and asked for a drink and told me he was nervous because it was his first date in 3 years and they had met on tinder. He arrived 20 minutes before her expected arrival to get rid of some of his nerves... two hours passed and he waited for her with no text or call explaining she would be late.

This woman walks in, walks up to the guy and I'm thinking, "She really came! " She looks at him and says "Are you Joe?" -- the guy replies yes and gets up to properly greet her looking incredibly excited. She says "no thanks..." and just leaves.

What a foul creature. Joe (not his real name) and I proceeded to get way too drunk for a Tuesday. Poor average Joe.

Corticulture

A Good Tip Can Rectify Most Things

Couple came into the restaurant dressed very goth. I wasn't their server but I was running the cash register just a few feet away. They proclaimed to everyone that they were energy vampires, but not to fear them because they won't hurt us. They said they didn't need our food for sustenance, but enjoyed the taste. After ordering the meal they then politely asked the waitress if she would stick around for a second so they could feed off of her aura so they could have enough energy for the night. The waitress said ok and gave me a side glance over her shoulder that I knew meant "I better get a good tip for this"... The couple clasped each other's hands, closed their eyes, and made sucking sounds for a solid minute before leaning back in the seats and sighing as if they had just had a turkey dinner. The waitress was indeed tipped well for her delicious energy.

hexiron

Public Fights

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Served a deaf couple having a fight. They went from both of them signing furiously to her crying and signaling to me for a stack of napkins for, I assumed, her tears. She whips out a pen and starts writing paragraph after paragraph angrily. It was awkward because i kept having to come back to the table since they ordered multiple courses and he was just eating and signing while she was hunched over the table writing away while crying. When they finally left they tipped me pretty well though so I guess it wasn't too bad?

midgetT-rex

Necessary Shots

Date seemed going well, but the guy was nervous and fidgety. He was rocking back on his chair a little as he would talk and eventually flew too close to the sun. Toppled his chair backwards and knocked himself out cold. And peed his pants.

He had to be taken out of the dining room on a stretcher over the span of 20 minutes, while his Tinder date did the honorable thing and immediately went to the bar and ordered shots.

We gave them to her on the house.

ANPhiK

The Most Despicable Kind Of Man

Was a cocktail waitress at a bar in a high-end restaurant a couple years ago. This couple comes in right around peak hours, guy looks annoyed, girl looks really excited. The whole time the girl is trying to talk to this guy and he's completely ignoring her.

He gets a call and talks on the phone for a good 10 minutes, hangs up and starts talking to anyone around him but her. He's getting more and more drunk and starts hitting on the female bartender and eventually the cocktail waitresses (myself included) telling us he could get us all much better jobs in Atlanta. The girl he's on a date with has started crying at this point and once he actually notices he yells at the bartender because it was obviously restaurant's fault for her being upset.

She yells at him to stop yelling at the bartender because he's been such an awful date and he goes off, tells her he didn't even want to eat here, she should've picked a better place, and he isn't paying for her food and drinks. He then tells her that she didn't look fat in her picture and he wouldn't have asked her out if he'd known she was that big (probably met online kind of thing). She retreats to the bathroom and the guy continues to make a scene. Another girl at the bar and I go to check on her while the bartenders and manager try to deal with him.

The girl is super upset and I tell her there's a back door she can leave through and I can get her tab from the bartender. I go back out and the guy had already stormed out and refused to pay, leaving his date with a nearly $200 check. She didn't have the money to pay so a couple of the bar regulars covered it. Made the whole night super awkward and stressful. Definitely one of the more memorable experiences of that place.

icysunshine

I Made Bank

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One of my first jobs in New York was managing a lounge/cocktail bar in a high end hotel. At around 3 or 4 o clock, a guy that looked pretty cheesy (slicked back hair, bad suit etc.) came up to me and demanded that he get that window table tonight for his date (he had a reservation for 8pm). I explained to him that I can't guarantee it etc etc and he slipped me $400 with the "How about now" look in which I eventually caved in and told him that I'd take care of it.

He then pulled another stack of hundreds and started counting them in front of me while asking if I could go a little extra by coming over to the table when he was there with the date and pretend that I knew him from a movie. At this point, if I've gone this far, why not?

Sure enough he rolled around later in the evening with a blonde bimbo and after they'd had a glass of champagne I approached the tables around them, checked on how they were doing before going over to him and did the whole "How are you enjoying your evening?" And before walking off I did an Oscar worthy double take with a "are.. are you... by any chance..? You must be.." at which point he had this douchy smile lapping up the "recognition" he was getting from this young dude he'd just paid off. Most importantly for him though, it worked - she was loving it - and they left shortly after and he slipped me another $600 on the way out.

nmouchel

A Rock And A Hard Place

Not exactly a date- but I served a couple one time who had met up to discuss the terms of their divorce at the fancy-ish restaurant I worked at at the time. They came before the dinner rush so they were pretty much my only table, and every-time I'd check in on them the wife was extremely angry/tearful and they were bickering about holiday schedules for their daughter/timeshares etc. it wasn't the end of the world but it was extremely awkward to butt in to change out their forks or refill drinks while they were so emotionally charged.

spoooky_spice

The Cringe-y-est Place On Earth

Not something I saw, but a co-worker of mine saw.

I work at a very prominent theme park. You've all heard of it. There's one restaurant that is arguably the most difficult reservation to book on property. People literally call six months in advance to book it.

While dining in this restaurant, a middle aged man stood up, and requested the attention of everyone in the establishment. He then told everyone about how much he loves his wife and family, who are seated beside him.

Then, he announces to the entire restaurant that he is aware his wife has been having an affair, and he is leaving her. Gets up and walks out on his wife and kids.

Sultanofbooyeah

Rock Lobster

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I work at a Red Lobster. One time I was serving a table of two who had clearly met up for a first or second date. Both of them seemed very wealthy, but the gentlemen specifically seemed a little odd.

...long story short, the gentlemen began coughing and went to the restroom for a second to get himself together, but ended up taking around 30 minutes. The lady requested we go in and look for him, so we did. Turns out he had a massive heart attack and we found him dead on the bathroom floor. We didn't quite know how to tell the lady, or even what to do really (besides call the police), but by the time we went to look for her she had taken all of his things and she had left. Not so much awkward as much as just a weird, f*cked up scenario...

Axle49

Ogre Couture

Just last night, I was ordering for my SO because she asked me to since she's never had a burrito before, I got her a small and me a regular. She had to talk through me because she can't understand the local Yorkshire accent, which honestly took me a good year when I first came here. When we paid at the end we needed her ID for the student rate, but when we left the house she'd asked me to carry her purse since it's been falling out her pocket. The server was giving me dirty looks and confirming with my gf for every item, which confused her since she'd already said she was having the same as me.

I explained to her it looks like I am an absolute ogre and the ultimate controlling boyfriend, which she thought was absolutely hilarious. We were laughing about it all night.

RelapseRedditAddict

I Am The Cause

I had a couple with a 1y/o skip out on a $30 bill after being very pleasant all lunch. I worked at a restaurant that punished you for walk-outs, so I ate the cost of their dinner out of my own tips.

They came in maybe two weeks later, and got sat with me, again. They immediately recognized who I was, and I greeted them with a big "welcome back". I stood next to them almost all dinner. Like, right next to them, over their shoulder, glaring. Lucky for me, it was a slow night.

So they had a pretty awkward date, yeah.

psiloryben

Nobody Deserves To Be Stood Up

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So this was a few years ago when I was still in college. I tended bar for some time, and we had this one girl come in and sit down. She ordered a drink and we talked to her and apparently she was waiting on her date to arrive.

Now, it's important to know that it was a very casual place and she was very much so dressed up. She was also......strange. Well, one drink later her date hasn't showed up. Two drinks later same thing. Three drinks later she just goes ahead and orders food. By the time she finished her 4th drink it's obvious that she is getting stood up and is starting to get drunk to cover her problems.

It's worth noting that we did end up trying to keep her spirits up, but she finished her night off with a double long Island iced tea. Don't know what's in that drink? Vodka, rum, gin and tequila......with mixers of course.

She was officially toast at this point and fell asleep at our bar. At one point she stumbled to the bathroom and puked and came back to sleep at the bar.

To be fair, it's our fault that we over served her. But man, it was a hot awkward mess the whole time she kept saying how he must be running behind or something. Slowly watching her get more and more depressed with every drink waiting for him.

I hope she found a good person to be with.

roytown

Irrational Yet Real

I had a young (early 20s) couple come in on what had to have been a first date. You could tell the guy was into her because of the level of eye contact and focus he was putting into listening to her.

So I'm wiping down the table next to them, and she asks him, "have you done anything fun this summer?"

He says, "yeah I just got back from a cruise"

She responds, "Oh I could never go on a cruise I'm too afraid of pirates."

I glance at her to see if maybe it was a joke, but she's dead serious. He's got a confused look on his face but eventually says, "oh yeah I get that."

Junesfoshiz

People Who Witnessed A Teacher Break Down In Tears Share Their Experiences

Reddit user throwthrowwthrowwww asked: 'Students who've witnessed their teacher cry during class, what happened?'

Apple on a stack of textbooks
Element5 Digital/Unsplash

Teachers are not only educators, they're also inspiring leaders.

The most memorable teachers are those who genuinely encourage young students to do their best so they can be empowered to pursue their dreams.

However, we tend to revere them to such a degree, we forget that they're people too with real emotions.

Curious to hear from strangers who witnessed a vulnerable moment from someone they were inspired by at an early age, Redditor throwthrowwthrowwww asked:

"Students who've witnessed their teacher cry during class, what happened?"

There's no bigger heartbreak than people who are struggling with illnesses or know of someone facing medical challenges.

Ailing Teacher

"One of our music instructors 7th-12th grade. She had a long ongoing battle with stage three/four cancer. She always did her best to try to have fun during our classes, like it was an escape for her because she loved music so much. Over 85% of the entire high school joined choir because of her. Her chemo and radiation treatments left her exhausted some days, though, and she would occasionally break down. In 2012, when her condition worsened, she would have to take more days off because the cancer had become so debilitating."

"We continued to practice our songs while she was gone, and I swear we would sometimes spend an hour on one small section of a song, ripping every note apart, and repeating the same words over and over until we couldn't mess it up. One of the final days in class with her, I remember we were rehearsing for our upcoming state competition, and we sounded damn good. Mid-song, she stopped conducting, closed her eyes, folded her hands, and listened as we continued singing for her. The energy and sound was so profound throughout the room, I can't find the words to describe it."

"After the song finished, we stood in a long, complete silence before she opened her eyes with tears streaming down her face. She wasn't able to go to our state competition with us, but we ended up placing that year. It wasn't first like we were hoping, but it was the highest the school had ever placed. She later passed away that same year. She was one of the strongest women I had ever met in my life."

– Top-Box2372

Losing A Student

"My high school Spanish teacher also taught some homebound students with medical issues."

"One day the vice principal came into our class and told Ms J that one of her homebound students had passed away from his cancer. She couldn't hold back the tears."

– que_he_hecho

Wise Toddler

"I’m a teacher, I cried in front of my toddlers when I got a call from the hospital telling me it was time to make the call as to whether to pull my dads life support. One of my toddlers came up to me while I was crying, put her hand on my cheek and said 'it’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok to cry,' then gave me a hug. I love my job."

– Cheekygirl97

Students witnessed the following teachers get emotional.

Thoughtful Sixth-Graders

"The class surprised him on teacher appreciation day. Someone brought pop, snacks etc. He was surprised. 6th grade teacher."

– Stephlynn1234

Appreciation Day

"Had a philosophy course in uni during covid. So the class was held on zoom. It wasn't teacher appreciation day, but it was the second to last lecture of the term and we all really enjoyed this prof (and because of him most of the class became friends). So we organized an appreciation thing for him."

"We all started class without our cameras on, which was unusual and made him question (he got sad actually). So one girl said 'before we start, we just really wanted to do something for YOU because you've done so much for us. I hope this is okay.' He gave us a confused look, and before he could say anything in response we all turned our cameras on and held up signs saying 'thank you professor [name]' and our green screen backgrounds were of his face lol. He laughed so hard but started crying. Told us how he wished we could do this in person and that he genuinely cared about all of us."

"He had a lot of health issues, the most prominent one being MS. Whenever he didn't start class on time we all got worried, and there were a few times where he cancelled altogether because he fell or something. He also had a cat, and we asked to see him just enough times that his cat learned what time our class was at and would climb up to see us and stay the whole class. It was cute. During the breaks he would email a link to play chess since he lived far from his family and couldn't visit and wanted the company. We organized a Christmas movie day with him over the Christmas break and he loved it. He retired after the following year because of his health, and I still wonder what he's doing now and if he's doing okay. I've been in uni for 5 years now and he is the only prof I've actually spoken to consistently and genuinely liked."

– Burnt_Your_Toast

Sad Literature

"5th grade teacher reading Where the Red Fern Grows out loud to the class. He shed some tears. He did every year."

– SnoBunny1982

"Our teacher read that book to us in 5th grade also. But when it got to that part, she elected me to read it and she left the room. Luckily I had read it before and knew what was coming, but it was still rough."

– MIBariSax81

The Private Life Of An English Teacher

"I forgot his name, but he was one of my favored teachers in high school. He taught English."

"During class, he was called out to talk to some members of the school administration and a few proctors. It took several minutes. But he returned, taught as much of the class as he could, and then just walked over to his desk and started crying. Whimpering. He then left."

"He just found out his wife, who had also been a teacher, was having an affair with one of the female students. We didn't find out that specific fact until later on though."

– Typical_Samaritan

Some students, however, can force a teacher to realize they're in the wrong profession.

Bad Attitude

"Student that had behavior issues and a hard time maintaining emotional regulation threw his recorder (the instrument) at the music teacher and it snapped in half. He then threw his desk in her direction and walked out. This was 3rd grade, and all she had asked him to do was listen to the song we were learning. She quit the next week after almost 30 years of teaching."

– Last_Tuesdays_Beans

Bullying The Substitute

"Ms. Hanlon... Substitute teacher, I still think about her and hope she's doing well. She was posted as the teacher when the usual teachers were off sick. Absolutely zero respect was given to her and the class knew if we had Ms. Hanlon it was just an extended lunch, we could just mess around and act like animals for the whole lesson."

"She had physical conditions like a dent in her forehead and a gravvely voice which prevented her from being able to raise her voice to tell us to be quiet. So the kids would all do Hunchback of Notre Dame impressions, spitballs through straws and do the 'coughing game' where they would just cough through whatever she was trying to say."

"Even as a kid I felt kinda awful after we'd essentially broken her and she'd just come in not even say hello and pull open a book for the hour and sometimes cry into it. I weirdly still think about her randomly once or twice a month, I hope she moved on to way better things. School children really have no filter at all."

– PNCL

Absolutely Zero Respect

"Substitute teacher in Jr High must be among the world's worse jobs. 8th grade we had a sub that demanded and got no respect. Kids would throw stuff at her etc. She left the classroom crying then the vice principal, who was not to be messed with, came in and took over."

– woolash

Major Mockery

"I had a substitute teacher named Mr. Crane who looked exactly like Ichabod Crane from the old cartoon. Some kids in the class bullied him relentlessly for this and he just kind of broke down one day. Poor guy."

– backflip10019

In seventh grade, I witnessed a classmate talk back to our homeroom teacher and saying very inappropriate, bullish things to her in front of the whole class.

But that didn't make her cry.

What made her tear up was when another student defended her and yelled at the bullying student for being out of line.

It can be a pleasant and exciting surprise to see a friend or family member show up on the evening news.

Particularly if it is a story showcasing their accomplishments or allowing them to let their voice be heard on an important issue.

Of course, showing up on the news isn't always a joyous occasion.

Indeed, some people tune in to find their friends and family on the news for reasons they might hope people will eventually forget down the line.

Redditor Miguenzo was eager to hear stories of a loved one making the evening news for less than brag-worthy stories, leading them to ask:

"What’s the dumbest reason somebody you know landed on the 6 o’clock news?"

15 Minutes, Or Four Seconds, Of Fame...

"Years back, there was a college scholarship scam going on here."

"These companies would go to high schools and do a presentation, and grift parents into paying a large sum for the company to help get a scholarship."

"My mom took one look at this and was like, 'this is a scam'."

"My uncle bought it hook, line and sinker and paid up."

"And received absolutely nothing."

"So he calls our news program and they do a feature with this company in their 'hall of shame.'"

"My uncle was absolutely THRILLED."

"'They interviewed me for 4 hours!'"

"'It's going to be huge!'"

"We all sit around the TV."

"It's February 2000."

"Boom, there's my uncle!"

"They do the lead-in..and then, there's my uncle saying..."

"'They said, uh, sue 'em'."

"My uncle is screaming."

"'What the Hell?! They were at my house for 4 hours!'"

"We still have it on VHS somewhere."

"My uncle's star moment over in seconds."- JKW1988

Episode 19 News GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy

Preserved For Posterity...

"My college roommate got stuck in an infant swing at a public park and firefighters had to use some type of Jaws of Life contraption to cut the swing down and cut her out of it."- Nocomt

Oops!

"I know a guy who was interviewed on camera up in the mountains where there was a forest fire."

"He had been up there fishing with his girlfriend."

"He was married."- Fezig

Close Call

"Dude was swimming laps in a lake after dinner (i.e., around sunset)."

"Predictably, he got bit by an alligator."

"I saw him on the news, shirtless in true Floridaman fashion, with a little bandage over each tooth mark."

"The bandages made a dotted line around his shoulder and chest in the shape of an alligator's mouth, like he was in a cartoon or something."- BigRedRobotNinja

Tiere Bis Unters Dach Swimming GIF by SWR KindernetzGiphy

Unpaid Extra

"There was a park nearby that had no drainage and was bowl shaped."

"So if it rained hard, this baseball park/ football field turned into a mini lake."

"It rained a lot one day and the news did a story just showing how much it rained, and in the background behind the news-woman, from out of frame you see my friend rowing past her in a kayak."- hook_killed_pan

Right Place At The Right Time?

"A fight broke out at a HS football game."

"Turned into a huge brouhaha.'

"They intervened this dumba** friend of mine on the local news, the only bit that made it into the broadcast was him saying 'For the first time in my life I was happy to see cops!'"- KneeDragr

Awww...

"Marrying their pet goldfish in an underwater ceremony, complete with a wedding gown and guests in scuba gear."- Candies-For-You

Illustration Swimming GIF by Ordinary NadeeGiphy

Strike!

'A childhood friend’s dad embezzled money from the local Little League team."- Key-Zebra-4125

How Did He Even Make It To The Freezer?

"An ex boyfriend of my best friend’s sister ended up on the news for breaking into a Checkers through the drive through window and locking himself in the freezer until the cops arrived and arrested him."- pineapple3712·

Ice Cream Snack GIF by My/Mochi Ice CreamGiphy

Setting An Example...

"I got filmed and aired sticking a swab up my nose at drive thru covid testing."

"I had just declined to be interviewed at my car because I was afraid of getting someone sick."

"Test was negative, and my sister got a new pic for my contact profile on her phone."- idiotsavant419

Criminals Don't Ususally Wait In The Check Out Line...

"My friend was going to target with his mom to buy a tv."

"They stopped at Starbucks in the store."

"When the worker asked what the wanted he said “'he money in the register see' like an old timey gangster, then laughed ordered and payed for their coffee and went into target."

"While they were pushing their cart with a tv in it to the check out line the swat team surrounded them and arrested him for armed robbery.. was on the news."

"Got charged and everything."

"The first hearing the barista could not point him out and the judge threw out the case."- MACHOmanJITSU

Returning To The Scene Of The Crime...

"A guy from my high school stole Michael Jackson's glove from the Motown Museum in Detroit MI in early 90s."

"He returned it."

"I knew it had to be him, and yep, it was."

"I remembered him because he dressed like Michael Jackson every single day of school for years."

"He did it really well, too."

"He also didn't talk much."

"So, I was surprised to see him talking to a TV reporter about it."

"I hope he's doing well."- ATK80k

Animated GIFGiphy

Some people crave their 15 minutes of fame and embrace it however it may come.

Others only hope that no one they knew happened to be watching their local news that night...

Even though they know deep down that all their friends have it on their DVR and are never planning to erase it...


People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.

Maybe it's the euphoria.

Maybe it's the adrenaline.

Maybe it's the tequila.

It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.

Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.

Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:

"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"

The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"

Geography matters.

Morbid Much?

In Bed Home GIFGiphy

"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."

Vixxay

Meow

"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."

shlanky369

"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."

"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"

"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."

Trumpet6789

POP!

"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"

"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."

DasBatt

"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."

"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."

Straystar-626

Damn it's Good

"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"

"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."

"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."

draftstone

A Binding Contract

"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."

"Still together 5 years later!"

Tatarstan

It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.

And it all starts with a handshake.

Sleep on It

“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"

lennyukdeejay

"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."

EvilNinjaX24

"This is the best one."

TomKhatacourtmayfind

Tiny Dancer

"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."

fleetwoodsackk

"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."

striker180

Fine!

"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"

"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."

Fullyme

"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”

OrwellWasRight101

Amen

"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"

"I married her, we still goin' at it."

BeBearAwareOK

Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.

Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.

woman in black pants and red tank top
Jakayla Toney on Unsplash

Giving compliments is pretty easy, although most of us don't do it often enough.

Accepting compliments can be much harder.

Too many of us immediately shift into disclaimers to explain why we don't deserve the praise.

But we just need to say thank you—even if the compliment is a little odd.

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