I once had a house guest who insisted on showing my husband her nipples. Yeah... betcha didn't see that opener coming did you?
We call it "The Nipcident" - and it was a week long invasion by the most nipple-obsessed human being I have ever met in my life. She and I became friends kind of by osmosis. We shared no common interests, but she was dating one of my employees and we worked from my home, so she hung out a lot.
Nipple girl was a friend who was supposed to be "just hanging out" one night. It got late, we told her to crash on the couch. Somehow she understood that to mean she lived there now.
Some time around day 4 she decided we were family now and "family doesn't have secrets."
Days 4 and 5 were spent with her casually mentioning how nice it was that we were a body positive household. She had seen that we didn't scold our (very) young daughter for not wanting to wear pants. Days 4 and 5 were also spent casually mentioning how interesting and unique her nipples were and just how shocked our employee was the first time he had seen them.
Day 6 she set up a backdrop and some lighting gear in our living room ("Didn't I mention I'm a photographer?") and proceeded to do a topless photo shoot of herself. It wasn't sexual, definitely a more artsy vibe and the pictures were actually gorgeous ... but a little heads up would have been nice, ya know?
After the shoot she just never put her shirt back on and kept walking back and forth through the house mentioning her inverted nipples. Everyone sort of nodded along pretending to be interested - except my husband. That lead to her literally standing in front of the TV topless trying to get his attention, him standing up and sliiiiiiding her to the side and then sitting back down - and her huffing, stomping, and walking away complaining that he was being rude by not wanting to look.
She left in a huff and complained to our employee about how unwelcoming we were. Employee shrugged it off. Apparently this wasn't the first time "the nipple thing" had been an issue.
Yeah... she wasn't invited back
Reddit user Kenygarry asked:
What is the most annoying thing a Guest has done in your home?
So yeah... lots of people have their own personal "nipcidents" - and as annoying as mine was, it was nothing compared to some of these. At least she didn't poo on my couch and refuse to clean it up. Yup. It's in here.
Enjoy!
Six Days
My best friend wouldn't f*cking leave. When I asked her what her going home plans were after six days, she said "I don't plan my life that way."
We are 30.
- aj4ever
Piggy Bank
My late partner was very sick with leukemia. After over a year of being his 24/7 caregiver I got the opportunity to go abroad for a work trip. My partner insisted I go because I deserved a break from caregiving and that his deadbeat brother would fill in as caregiver while I was gone.
While his brother was staying with in our home, he brought his cat which is a no no for someone who living with zero immune system, did the ABSOLUTE minimum to take care of my partner and left him basically to figure out Meds/food on his own. And the final blow was he stole the big piggy bank that we were using to save for his bucket list vacation before he died. Then denied he did it.
It makes my blood boil thinking about it.
Still Friends
One of my mother's friends is not only a raging alcoholic but is also on ridiculous amount of prescription drugs. One night she was staying with my parents and fell asleep in a leather recliner because of aforementioned alcohol and drugs.
At some point in the middle of the night she sh!t herself, again because of the aforementioned alcohol and drugs, and instead of being a good guest and decent human being and being embarrassed by it and doing her damndest to clean it up, she threw the blanket she was sleeping under over her mess and then went upstairs to sleep in one of the beds. Then she just told my mother about it in the morning and then left.
My mother used bleach and every cleaner under the sun to clean up the mess, and she did, but she ended up just throwing the chair out because how could you ever really look at it the same way again.
The most shocking detail in this story is that my mother is still friends with this lady.
We Didn't Start The Fire ... But The Kid Did.
GiphyA kid whose parents didn't supervise him. He was probably 8 or 9 at the time and would get into ANYTHING - especially stuff computer related. He would dig through drawers and open boxes looking for gadgets to play with. Only to mess them up or lose something.
We finally told the parents they couldn't bring him back when he got into the kitchen and turned on the glass top stove while a pizza box was on it. Started a small, quickly extinguished fire and the house smelled like smoke for about a week.
Cat Killer
Had a friend ask to spend a few weeks, 3 weeks to be precise, at my parents house where I also live. A year and a half later we finally kicked him out. Didn't pay rent or buy groceries and he brought his dog with him that after 8 months of living with us, killed my cat. I have to stop now because typing this is making me very angry. He also never bought dog food for HIS dog and my mom ended buying almost all of it. Now he wonders why we don't hang out.
Interior Design
I was at work all day and I always close my door before leaving, ALWAYS. My mum had guests over and decided "hey, let's show the guests everyone's rooms and all the rooms in the house in general." Well, one lady, whom I had never met, didn't like how I arranged MY room, so while everyone was at dinner (I work from 11:30 am to about 9 pm, 6 days a week, so I wasn't there when this happened), she went into my room and rearranged my desk, the clothes in my drawers and closet, all my pictures, and threw out some knick knacks that were given to me by old friends but she thought were 'trash' I 'hadn't thrown out yet'.
I. Was. PISSED.
She totally admitted it, but didn't seem to feel bad at all. My mum was upset too, but not as much as me. They're no longer friends but I'm not sure why, probably because she threw out some of my mum's knick knacks as well.
Vehicular Rudeness
I don't have many rules for passengers when I'm driving but there are two I will never budge on.
1: Wear your seat belt.
2: Do not smoke in my car.
I had just bought a car, it wasn't brand new but I knew the previous (and only) owner and I knew he was a car guy who took meticulous care of his cars inside and out. He wouldn't even sell me the car before he had given the engine a proper service. Within a week of getting the car a friend asked for a lift to the train station, I knew he smoked so as we walked to the car I told him specifically to wait until we get to the station before he lights up (a 10 minute ride at most).
I back out of the parking spot, drive to the exit of the parking lot and as I check my left hand side for oncoming cars I hear from my right the distinctive sound of a lighter sparking up. Dude could not even wait until we were out of the f*cking car park before he just had to have his goddamn cigarette. I ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing and he just looks at me and says "Relax, it's not like it's a new car." He ended up walking to the train station.
There Are Bathrooms For That
I had a guest that would walk around the house while she was brushing her teeth which was no big deal. The problem was when she was done she'd use the nearest sink to spit and rinse her mouth out which was often the kitchen sink that had dishes soaking in it.
And she clipped her toenails at the dinner table.
Open House
GiphyLate Realtor here. But you wouldn't imagine how many people come to your open house from 2-4 on a Saturday and take a massive, violent, vile, disgusting sh!t in the bathroom of another person's home and then leave. No turning on of fan. No thank you. Just make the house smell like a sewer for the rest of the day.
RIP, Fish
After being told not to smoke in the house, my wife's uncle had a few drinks and passed out in the bed in our guest room with a lit cigarette in his hand. My wife and were downstairs, smelled the smoke, and ran up to find that the mattress was on fire...so, my wife dragged her uncle off the bed, I grabbed the fish tank in the room, and dumped it's contents on the bed to put out the fire.
Thankfully, though the mattress was destroyed and we had to buy a new mattress and bed linens...the only casualties were the fish in the tank.
As well, we were also lucky enough that the floor in that room had no carpet so clean up wasn't too bad. After the incident was over / fire was out, my wife's uncle was actually upset that we told him he had to sleep on the couch (since he had destroyed the bed) and my wife took his cigarettes and keys (so he couldn't go buy more) away from him and said she'd give them back when he got up the next morning. He has not stayed with us since.
Grand Tour
Asked for a "tour." Homie we're in the kitchen, you can see the bathroom where I cry, that room with the couch is where I live, the room with the bed is where I eat my meals and spend my days. End of tour.
- gpoopit
Just For The Weekend
We have a "friend" in his mid 40s. Dude is a sht show, cannot get his life together, has pissed away so many great jobs for stupid reasons, and is a womanizer and misogynist. Mostly only called "friend" because we've all known each other since we were teens. But we all grew up, he didn't.
Anyway, about 3 years ago, he showed up after having moved away a while wanting to crash "for the weekend" to catch up with old friends. So we said ok, no big deal. That weekend turned into 6 months. He ate our food, used my kids toiletries, expected us to buy dog food for his dog, put his nasty muddy clothes in my washer, sprayed on enough cologne to choke an army, borrowed my husband's car and left it on empty multiple times, stacked his dirty shit all over my house, used my kids' phones to call random people, gave out my number to reach him, and basically just completely took advantage. I am way too nice and hubs is even nicer. We put up with his shit til I flipped the b!tch switch and told him to go.
But wait, is not over. About a year later, he's right back in his same sh!t hole situation. Begs my husband to let him just stay "the weekend" again. Hubs being the nice guy here is, brings him here. This time I lost it on him after about 2 months.
But wait, there's more! About 2 weeks ago, he shows up with some gal we've never met wanting us to let them BOTH stay here. Ummm, no. I don't know her, I have kids to worry about, and I have earned my shit and don't want to take a chance on getting it stolen in the night. Go on down the road, I know how this story ends and I'm not willing to play along any more. I'm sure he's told everyone we know how mean I am but I don't even care.
- eveban
Shoulder Punch
I had a friend who would always punch me on the shoulder. Every time we saw each other; punch on the shoulder. At school. At parties. Meeting up with friends. Punch on the shoulder. Nothing wrong with it except he hit really hard. Like it really hurt to the point where I would try to avoid him.
And while I could've just told him to stop, I was a really quiet guy. So one day he shows up at my house party. He does it again. Punch on the shoulder. So I do it back but lightly.
Guess what he does. He comes back with an even harder punch to my shoulder. So I throw one back hard. Then he does it again but this time at my face. I take it, but then I jump on him and start pounding until people pull us apart.
Kicked his butt out and never saw him again. No one felt bad for him though. Turns out he did it to everybody else too.
Even his ex girlfriend who still hanged out with us said she would leave their dates with bruises and that why she dumped him.
A Snail Problem
GiphyMy cousin visited and stayed with us for two weeks. During this time we kept finding these snail trails on the walls, the banister by the stairs, the arms of our couches, etc. My mom even called an exterminator to help get rid of this snail or slug problem we suddenly had. Turns out it was my cousin blowing her nose on her hands and smearing it on any surface that was close by.
Uber Eats
Ordered food delivery without asking me. I dont know why but it offended the shit out of me at the time. Like, the doorbell just rings and I have no idea who it is, and my friend who was visiting me pays the Uber Eats guy for some takeout. I thought it was totally rude, but I guess we were just raised in different homes.
Terrible Aim
Pissed on the floor and did not cleaned it up afterwards. Repeatedly. It became so routine that I eventually began calling people out about it when it happened, and narrowed it down to two people. Now if it happens I berate them in front of everyone else in our house.
If you're going to suggest I am being harsh, we're all in our 30's now. If you're so disrespectful that you can't even clean up your own piss you leave in someone else's house, you're the a$$hole. Not me.
Roommate's Dad
When I was in college, my dorm roommate's dad came by. He lived fairly close, so he was in the dorm pretty regularly. I was not in the dorm at that moment on this particular occasion. While I was gone, he cleaned and organized my entire side of the room.
Including my underwear and stuff.
I got back really late that night and kept the lights dim as I got into bed because my roommate was already asleep. I rolled out of bed just before I had to leave for my first class the next morning, and I ended up late because I couldn't find any of my shit. None of it was where it was supposed to be.
- goloons
The people who love you the most can break your heart because of their betrayal of trust.
Cheating is cowardly and inexcusable, but depending on the situation and the couple, it is possible for them to find a path to healing emotional wounds.
But there are some ways in which infidelity is totally unforgivable.
That's the kind of scenario Redditor WCh3L3 was curious to hear about when they asked:
"What’s the wildest cheating story you’ve witnessed or happened to you?"
It must be exhausting leading double lives.
Hospital News
"A friend of a friend found out that her husband was cheating when she got to the hospital to see her husband who had just moments before been brought in by ambulance after a serious car accident only to be denied entry to his room because 'his wife was already in the room with him.'"
"He had two simultaneous lives with two women, neither of which was aware of the other."
– JeBronlLames
The Ruse
"My ex-wife pretended to be admitted to a mental health ward for long term treatment while actually staying with her new man and cheating on me."
– Impossible-Visit-199
"This one is just next level."
– most-royal-chemist
"That’s some Batman villain level of intrigue and machination. His wife missed her calling and wasted her abilities on sleeping around."
– filifijonka
A Separate Life
"My friend's mom was in a relationship with a guy for years and they ended up getting engaged and due to marry."
"The guy was a senior director of a company for which he travelled every week abroad for business."
"Eventually, the guy had a heart attack and when my friends mom turned up at the hospital, his wife and 2 kids were there also."
"Turned out he was already married with children and living a double life the whole time. When he went 'abroad' for business, he was simply going back to his actual family."
– wallbagz
Here's The Story
"My dad did this. He worked nights and would juggle both families that way."
"He came clean after he got admitted to hospital for heart trouble and realised that if things went badly he’d end up in this exact situation."
"I was 16 when he came clean that I have an older brother and sister. They found out about me then too - as did his wife."
"ETA: I’d actually already figured it out before he told me though. Nobody else had."
"EATA: I saw a preview of a text on my dad’s phone from my sister. I didn’t know she was my sister obviously, but it said ‘hi dad, mum says…’"
"At first I was in denial and I thought his friend must have borrowed his phone or something. I started to watch him more closely."
"He had a ringtone (lol the 00’s) that would say the name of the caller. I noticed whenever a certain name rang he’d leave the room. Some tactical eavesdropping later and 15 year old me had it figured out that I had a brother and sister."
"I didn’t clock I had a stepmother though, or that I was family no2 and they were his primary family. But I still think I did pretty well!"
"My whole family on my mum’s side knew - mum respected that it was my dad’s secret to tell and she gave him time to tell it. (Although they did have a few arguments about it as I was growing up, I never knew what they were about at the time.)"
– notemily-
Life is never the same once the truth comes out.
Shameless
"A family friend's husband was having an affair for 20+ years and that woman knew the entire time about his family. He was at her ranch one time and was bucked off a horse and broke his back. The affair partner called his wife to tell her and acted like everything about this situation was normal and the wife had no reason to act all upset at the affair. Some people really just have no shame."
"Guy lived and made a complete recovery, left his mistress and they stayed together since they were working on their relationship. He died a few years ago and the wife finds out he never actually left his mistress just lied."
– SailoLee92
Unilateral Decision
"In a small town the husband kept telling people he had an open marriage; finally someone asked his wife about it, she was unaware of this new arrangement."
– Long_Strange_Trip_GD
Rehab Romance
"Was in rehab, two people were there for sex addiction one a minister the other a Jewish housewife. They left rehab together early. Woman divorced her husband who sent her to rehab for sex addiction and married the guy she met in rehab. They are still married 10 years later and seem very happy."
– Life-Evidence-6672
On The Case
"I knew a guy years ago that was a private investigator. Many times he was approached by a spouse who suspected their partner was cheating."
"He had a slam-dunk strategy. He would suggest his client sign up for a course, whether a hobby thing, or educational. The key was that the class would happen for a period of weeks, all on the same day of the week, and all at the same time of day."
"Then, while his client was in class, he would follow the spouse."
"Caught them every time."
– PJMurphy
If you have a hunch about an unfaithful significant other, it's there for a reason.
Going For A Run
"Had a coworker who cheated on her live-in boyfriend. She would tell him she was going for a run, put on her shorts without underwear and would f'k her side piece in the apartment parking lot. So then she would come back inside sweaty 30 mins later and needed to shower and it all made sense to her boyfriend, he never questioned it. She was an awful human."
– rashawah
It Made Scents
"A friend caught her husband cheating because he kept coming home smelling like ferrets."
"Hard to play off 'long day at work' and explain that."
"When she found out at a holiday party that one of the young female coworkers owned ferrets, it all made sense."
– benloe7
Special Delivery
"I used to go to a comic shop. And the comic shop owner knew all of the gossip in the area. Nice dude. Remembers all of his regulars and asks about you if he hasn’t seen you in awhile to check in on people. Lot of people in the area grew up with his shop. So he’s got stories."
"Anyways he told us about this story from some years back about this regular. Who disappeared for a few months. Comes back one day. And the shop owner asks him, 'hey, man. Haven’t seen you in awhile?' Kind of like where have you been. The regular was like oh I’ve been getting divorced. I had to move it was a whole thing."
"So naturally the shop owner asks. 'Why are you divorcing your wife?' The regular caught his wife cheating."
"He had picked up a 2nd part time job as pizza delivery man because he was trying to fund to take his wife on her dream vacation. All of the money he earned from that job was supposed to go into that vacation. He had been working this job for like 6 months. It was a whole secret. She didn’t know he was doing that for her. Because he was trying to surprise her."
"He was the pizza delivery man at the motel. She was cheating at him with. The dude she was cheating on him with answered the door with her right next to him."
"He apparently didn’t even go back to the pizza place. He quit on the spot. Went home. Packed his sh*t and left town."
– TheMysticalPlatypus
Those who are unfaithful in their relationships may think they're good enough for more than one person, but they're usually not.
And while you may not believe in it, there's something called karma, and watching it enact justice can be extremely gratifying.
If you were the one being cheated on, know that the person with whom you've fallen in love is not the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and there will always be a better human who will respect you and love you.
And if you were the cheater, watch your back. Because whether you believe in it or not, karma's coming for ya.
Food trends are not so very different from fashion trends, constantly evolving and quickly becoming outdated or passé.
Can you think of the last time you were served ambrosia at a dinner party?
Or have you noticed how anything featuring kale is now met with an eye roll rather than excitement?
Of course, some food trends tend to last longer than others.
Even if many people wish that they would also become extinct... the sooner the better!
Redditor Prestigious-Humor872 was eager to hear all the food trends people wished would die out, and fast, leading them to ask:
"What modern food trend can you not wait to die?"
Less Isn't Always More...
"2 ingredient desserts (with 7 'optional' ingredients that appear once you read the actual recipe)."- strawberry-emma
You Pay For The Experience
"Food trucks that charge the same price as a premium restaurant but serve half the size on a floppy plate that I have to stand up to eat."- thorn_10
"Food trucks."
"Weren’t they supposed to serve cheaper food because of lower overhead?"
"No brick and mortar?"
"We have a lobster roll truck-pulled by a Range Rover- that shows up for lunch and charges $22 for one entree."
"Ridiculous."- tizzymyers·
GiphyChoice Of Words...
"Calling a slight alteration to a recipe a 'hack'."
"Adding parmesan cheese to your grilled cheese sandwich is not a 'hack'."
"It's a minor recipe change."- No_Pear_2326
Jumping The Gun A Bit...
"If I'm on a website I'm only there to look at your menu."
"I'm not interested in starting an order before I've looked at the menu."
"No, I don't want to give you my zip code."
"Just give me your menu and some food pictures."- DueRest
Staying Humble?
"Fancy restaurants that say they serve 'street tacos' and proceed to charge $18 for three."- Chipwich75
T-Bell Yes GIF by Taco BellGiphyThere's A Reason We're Told Not To Play With Our Food...
"The stupid food wasting trends on YouTube and TikTok etc."- fluffernuttersndwch
Presentation Is Key...
"For some reason putting food in wine glasses."- Ralphroberts603
"Restaurants serving food on cutting boards, shovels, paper, shells, or anything that is not an actual plate."- Funny_Disaster1002
meat grill GIF by Gifs LabGiphyRemember The Golden Arches And The Red Roofs?
"Making all fast food buildings look like cookie-cutter beige/grey boxes."
"They all used to have their own distinct personalities."- mattnotis
There's Economizing, And Then There's Jusy Poor Hygeine...
"The videos of people making food in sinks."
"Gross."- h20rabbit
Is It Even Still A Secret After 100 Thousand Views?
"Any TikTok/IG trend that makes life more difficult for fast-food workers with overly complex orders or ordering stuff not on the menu or trying to 'one up' each others orders etc."- HiThisIsMichael
bored fast food GIF by Zaxby'sGiphyMaybe It Gives Them Incentive?
"Tipping as an option BEFORE receiving good service."- mytimeis2044
Sweet Tooth? Or Cavity Express?
"Sweets on top of sweets."
"A milkshake with a donut, lollipop, and cupcake attached."- Marleygem
Technology Slowly Taking Our Jobs...
"I just went to a restaurant, not a fast food place, a sit-down restaurant where you have to scan the QR code for the menu, then a screen pops up where you have to place your own order."
"No one comes to the table to answer questions, nothing."
"You place your order, a person comes by and throws your drinks at you. "
"Then they swing by a while later and throw your food at you."
"That’s all you see of them."
"You pay your bill on your phone, and are still expected to tip."- Megmuffin102
Saint Urbain Website GIF by Front of HouseGiphyBe it in presentation, cooking style, or flavor profile, people will likely always try to make food "cool" in truly bizarre ways.
Sometimes ignoring that the only thing that should truly matter is whether or not it tastes good.
At least people have finally realized that kale doesn't need to be added to everything!
For now, at least...