In one of the more memorable moments of the teen comedy classic Mean Girls, Queen Bee Regina George often rejects Gretchen Weiner's attempts at making "Fetch" part of the commonplace jargon at North Shore High School.
Even if we might not react the same way as the domineering Regina George, who hasn't found themselves rolling their eyes on numerous occasions when people use Buzzwords and contemporary phrases in the workplace.
Be it out of an attempt to appear cooler, or amidst fears of being politically incorrect, job listings, inter-office memos, and speeches at corporate events always feature commonly used buzzwords or buzzwords those speaking hope might find their way into everyday speech.
Much to the annoyance, if not outright disdain of those on the receiving end.
Redditor PM_ME_YOUR_MUSIC was curious to hear what people considered the most aggravating corporate phrases and buzzwords currently circulating, leading them to ask:
"What are the most annoying corporate buzzwords or phrases you’re sick of?"
How, exactly?
"Take a more holistic approach"- MGM1312
Don't give me adjectives, give me the amounts!
"Competitive pay."- AJackOffAllTrade
Not Everyone Loves Their Family...
"'Our workers are part of our family' or something along the lines of that."- NotJoeMama727
Season 8 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphyThat Wasn't In The Job Description
"'We all wear multiple hats around here'."
"I hear this everyday."
"It's just an excuse to not hire anyone else."- ChurchWineDrunk
Don't Sacrifice The Grammar...
"When someone refers to a request as an 'ask'.”- Alpha_State
Life In The "Fast" Lane...
"'Willing to work in fast-paced environment'."
"*ends up in cubicle*."- Raven0uss
Over It Reaction GIF by jjjjjohnGiphyWhere Do You Even Begin?
“'OK guys, we’re going to stay off-line today, take a deep dive to drill down and ignore the low hanging fruit, run some ideas up the flagpole and bubble the consequences to the top of the heap'."
"'The bottom line, according to the hive mind, is that we have to circle back, not reinvent the wheel, and reach out to make sure our deliverables are on everyone’s radar'."
"'Let’s not step on each other’s toes as we touch base, so here’s a heads up, when you’re thinking outside the box, please make sure we’re singing from the same hymn sheet, especially in acurated B2B environment'."
"'We need to leverage cutting edge synergy while optimizing our innovative solutions, otherwise our newly on-boarded micro-influencers will never disrupt the market before the deadline reaches terminal velocity'.”- poxymoron1
Or "Rockstar" Anything...
"'Rockstar developer' fortunately seems to be declining."-Tbone139
It's Not Attractive To Gloat...
"Win win win."
"My companies execs have started saying that for anything that's good."
"Firstly people said win win for something that was good for both parties, this makes sense."
"One popular exec said win win win once for something that helped us, our third party partners and the customer."
"That's fine as a one off and a good play on the original expression."
"But now every exec says it's a win win win when something good happens."
"They're not even a win win, just something that's good for one party."- NotACockroach
Winning The Office GIFGiphyI Should Hope So!
"We have values."- Jakaple
With workplace culture being monitored more than ever, it's understandable why some old school bosses and CEOs want to be more with the times.
As a result, they might choose their words very carefully, maybe too carefully, in an effort to impress their employees, not to mention the public.
However, there might be an even better way of doing that.
By simply being a good boss.
Never underestimate the power of intuition. When these people felt something was odd, they trusted their gut feelings—and ended up saving lives. When they didn't, the consequences were disastrous. If you just can't help but feel like something isn't right, listen to the little voice in the back of your mind. It could change everything.
The Mugging
woman holding clutch bag standing beside white bridgePhoto by Zeny Rosalina on UnsplashI had a gut feeling I should pull my wallet and phone out of my purse. Not even 20 seconds later, I get mugged. The man dragged me across the sidewalk and grabbed my purse BUT all he ended up getting was a juice box.
The Welcome Mat
I woke up from a deep sleep at like 2 am during a winter storm; something wasn't right...I immediately went looking for my senior dog and couldn't find her anywhere in the house. My roommates had a tendency to let her out for a walk and forget about her, closing the door. I ran to the front of the house and found her laying on the welcome mat, she was hardly breathing and covered in snow.
She had been outside alone for at the very least five hours. I got her inside and warmed her up. Thankfully, she was okay, but if she'd been out all night, she would have been terribly hurt if not worse. I moved out shortly after.
Now We’re Cooking With Grease
I went shopping to prep for my long-distance girlfriend that was staying over, and I saw boxes of baking soda in the market. I thought, "Oh yeah, it's smart to keep baking soda around in the kitchen in case you have a grease fire". So, I grab a box. She's cooking breakfast the next morning while I'm in the shower when I hear her yelling for help.
I come out and the stove is on fire. Like a champ I yell, "I'm ready for this"! I grab the baking soda and put out the fire. Always keep baking soda in the fridge, kids.
Perfect Timing
My aunt told me a story about my dad (who greatly dislikes his sister and is an all-around jerk 98% of the time) calling her out of the blue one night while she was in college. She answered, he said he didn't know why but he had this urge to call her, to make sure she was okay. She told him she was fine and thanked him for calling to check on her. He didn't know what she was hiding.
She never told anyone else except me, and hopefully a therapist or two, but she was holding the bottle of pills and she was planning to take them all right when he called her. Twenty-some years later and she's very happy with her decision to live.
Intrusive Company
My mom had a really bad encounter in the early 90s. She and her best friend had gone out drinking one night. While they were at the bar two strangers were trying to flirt with them, but just came off as creepy. The creeps wouldn't leave mom and her friend alone so they decided to leave. They went back to the friend's place who lived in a trailer park then and my mom stayed the night.
Some time after they got back, they heard a small noise at the door. What happened next is so terrifying I can’t believe it. They looked out the window and saw the two men from the bar at the front door quietly trying to break into the trailer—but it gets worse. The friend grabbed the phone to call 9-1-1 and the line was dead.
If I remember correctly, they grabbed large kitchen knives, banged on the window, showed they were armed, and let them know they would kill them if they came in. The men took off and neither mom nor friend slept that night. The next day they found out the phone wasn't working because the men had cut the phone line to the trailer before they tried to break in.
Identification
white, red, and gray concrete buildingPhoto by Mehluli Hikwa on UnsplashWhen I was 20 years old, I worked at a gas station. They had just changed the law to if the customer looked 40 and under, you had to ID them if they were buying smokes. I was by myself and a lady came in and ordered a pack of Camels. She looked roughly 45, so I didn't ask. However, I had this nagging feeling throughout the transaction that it would be a VERY good idea to ask.
So, before I took her money I kind of laughed and said, "Mind if I see your ID really quick? I'm really sorry, you're clearly old enough but they changed the law recently on who we have to ID". She just looks at me and said, "I'm so glad you asked"! and flashed her work card at me. She was a freaking inspector. If I didn't ask her, I would have been detained and fined.
That was the day I learned to trust my gut. And that I also suck at telling people's ages. She was 35.
A Certain Smell
When I was 15, I smelled burning plastic early in the morning at my family cottage. I almost went back to sleep but in the end, I decided to get up to investigate. Thank God I listened to my gut feeling. A socket on the outside of the building had caught fire and flames were rising up the wall. The rest of my family was still sleeping and there wasn’t enough smoke for the alarms to go off.
I ran and got the fire extinguisher, got my dad up, put it in his hands, and pointed him towards the fire. He stopped it and called the fire department.
The Creepy Coworker
Years ago my partner at the time had a coworker that kept inviting us out to drink. I had never met the guy and was wondering why he seemed so eager to meet me, especially since I wasn’t even old enough to drink at the time. He eventually told my ex that we should come over to his place for drinks (in order for me to partake). I remember around this time creeping his Facebook and seeing the squirrelly guy posing in front of his Honda.
Something about it all made me laugh and wonder why this 20-something-year-old want to go to such lengths to hang out with a 17-year-old girl he knows is taken? A couple of years later, I learned the awful reason. He got detained on a multitude of assault charges. They seized several devices that proved he’d been doing stuff with children and animals since he was at least 13. Cherry on top? He was the local star cop’s son.
Canine Interception
In our mid-20s, my husband and I lived in a townhome without a yard in a pretty nice area of town. We knew we were purchasing a house soon, so we went ahead and got our first puppy! I’m a morning person, whilst my husband is not, so I would usually get up around 5 am and take the puppy out to the little patch of grass across the street from out townhome still inside the entire complex. I did this for several months, no big deal.
Well one morning while out waiting on the puppy, an old Ford van, all beat up with no windows, slowly drives by and goes back behind another building. A few minutes later as I’m getting ready to cross the street and go back inside, the van comes back up the road to where I was getting ready to cross, stops in the middle of the road and turns off its lights. I waved them on in front of me and at that point, both doors of the van started to open.
All I remember was seeing someone start to get out before both the dog and I felt the undeniable urge to run across the street and inside as fast as possible. Once inside, the van sped off and disappeared. But it gets even creepier. I went upstairs to wake my husband, only to find out he was in the middle of a dream where I’d been kidnapped. To this day, I refuse to run outside or go on walks alone, even on our quiet country roads. And big old vans still creep me out.
Lifesaver
I work as an ER nurse and had a patient with a little dizziness, a little nausea and a swollen abdomen. She was fairly bright, able to talk, and nothing seemed too horrific. But she was turning a grim gray color and breathing quickly. Our average wait time today was two hours. I could have put her back in the queue and moved on.
But I had a little dark feeling that there was something sinister happening here. So I called our most senior doctor out of a consultation and asked him to see her. Right now. Ever heard of your abdominal aorta? Enormous blood vessel that can pouch out, suddenly rupture, and make you bleed out internally in minutes?
It’s called a burst AAA (abdominal aortic aneurysm). You’ve heard of it now. That’s what she had. I’ve never seen one before. But now I have. Within five minutes, she was barely responding. Within ten, her blood pressure had dropped to a barely sustainable level. Within twenty minutes, I was pouring blood into her and eight people were around the bed.
Within an hour, she was on an operating table clinging to life. But because I raised the alarm, and because my team worked their butts off, that woman is still, somehow, alive. Feels good, man.
Trip to the Store
girl covering her face with both handsPhoto by Caleb Woods on UnsplashWhen I was about 3 or 4, my parents were building a big house and the lead contractor was always extra friendly to me. My parents were always a little bit hands-off so I somehow ended up alone with the lead contractor in a half-finished house. I vaguely remember him and honestly don’t know how long I was alone with him. My family always refused to say.
Later, I learned the dark truth. My mom caught him right as he was loading me into his truck and snatched me up while screaming at him, all while he’s insisting, he “just wanted to buy your daughter candy at the store”! They never reported him. I still can’t understand why.
Until the Bell
I work primarily unsupervised and often finish my work 30 - 60 minutes before the end of the day. One day I was finished super early and had a lot to do outside work. I was about to leave when I got this funny feeling, so I stayed. Sure enough, 10 minutes before my scheduled finish, my boss's boss walks into my otherwise forgotten office.
For the record, I'm salaried and am usually in early. My boss wouldn't bat an eye as long as my work was honestly finished. His boss, on the other hand, would probably have fired me on the spot.
Creeper Gauge
I was heading home from my mom's and was at a light next to a gas station when the person next to me told me there was something wrong with my tire. I pulled into the gas station and when I saw the person follow me in, I felt something off, so I didn't get out. Instead I called my mom on my cellphone and when the guy pulled next to me, I gave him a thumbs up through the windshield.
I then drove back to my mom's, which I had just left and was only a few minutes away. I get there, get out, we look at my tires and they are just fine.
The Car Thief
When my husband and I were in college, we came home late one night after a long day and had to get up early the next day. We were both so tired, and he wanted to leave his backpack and computer in the car because we were going to be getting up and back into the car in a few hours. My gut feeling said absolutely not. I made him take his bag and computer.
When we came back down the next morning his car had been broken into.
The Sleeping Bag
I was driving halfway across the country to Austin, Texas to see a friend for a week. I threw a sleeping bag in my car, just in case. The week went fine and I didn't really use it until my way back home. An ice storm blew in and I had to sleep in my car in a hotel parking lot. All the hotels were full and the roads were getting bad. I was tired enough I would have wrecked my car.
It was below 30 outside and the heat in my car wasn't working. I put on all the clothes I had and slept in that sleeping bag. If it weren't for that bag, I likely would have frozen. I wasn't comfortable but I made it through the night. Several people passed on or were severely injured due to wrecks that night.
The Joker
two people riding in car on roadPhoto by Nick Brugioni on UnsplashWhenever I drive to my wife's grandma's house, I always play this little joke on my wife, acting like I don't remember which street to turn down. I'll either turn a street early or "accidentally" overshoot and pass it up and have to turn around. A few years back, we had moved across the country but were driving back home visiting family for Christmas.
Grandma said we could stay with her, so when we got into town late that night, I pulled the “ol' goof-em-up” joking like I had forgotten the street, turning one block early. Well, I noticed that a car had made the same turn as me, and just for the briefest of moments, I thought, "Hmm, that's strange. I'll keep an eye on them".
So, I made another turn—an awkward one since I was basically doubling-back due to my joke—and the other car made the same turn as well. This definitely caught my attention. I essentially went in a big circle, and the other car followed me every step—right up until I'd completed the circle, at which point they turned and sped off into the night. There was no question; they had been following us, and they drove away when they knew I had noticed it.
I told my wife what was going on, and the next morning, she found a news article about another family nearby being carjacked that night by someone who followed them home, pulled up behind them in their driveway, and pointed a firearm at them. If I hadn't been playing a goof on my wife and made the split-second decision to pay attention to the car behind me, that would have been us.
Double Down
I saved a receipt for a campus parking ticket I paid for during my freshman year of college. They do this thing where they double the ticket amount after a month of not paying. I paid it the week I got it, stuffed the receipt in my bag, and forgot about it. Apparently, whoever was in charge of clearing me didn’t, and I was told I had an unpaid, doubled parking ticket on my account after like three months when I tried to settle up tuition for the semester.
I disputed it and wore a smug look on my face as I directly reached in my bag and pulled the receipt out to show them. I mean otherwise, I would’ve had to essentially pay that ticket three times. Something tells me it’s not the first time that’s happened to students there.
Homeland Insecurity
When I was 15, I was regularly at home by myself since both of my parents worked full time and my brother had moved away to college. One day during the summer, I was just relaxing at home, when all of a sudden, someone knocks on the front door. I get up and check the peephole, and see two guys just standing in the driveway just off the porch.
One of them is wearing a suit, and the other is wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, but facing away from the house like he’s playing lookout. I decide to ignore them, because they’ll go away, right? Well, I was wrong. They continue knocking, knocking, knocking but getting progressively louder and more aggressive.
Finally, I decide to call the sheriff’s department and ask for a non-emergency check since they’re trespassing. My dumb brain decides to yell through the door that I had called, and before I can even realize how dumb it is, the guy starts kicking the front door. I freak out, run back toward the center of the house. That’s when I made a chilling realization. There’s a third guy trying to kick in the back door as well.
At this point, I call 9-1-1 and start screaming about these three guys trying to break into my house. The sheriff’s deputies came over and took care of things. Thank God I listened to my instincts.
Skateboarder’s Nightmare
In 2006, I had leg pain and it lasted for like four months. I was refusing to get it checked for fear that I would have to stop skateboarding for any amount of time. I was 15 years old. I had a math test I didn’t study for come up one day, and I used it as an excuse to leave and got my leg checked instead. If I hadn’t have done that, I don’t know what would have happened.
That day, I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer). 11 years later I’m still fighting it, but not a day passes where I don’t think how lucky I was to just pop over to the hospital. If I would’ve broken my leg (my femur was getting more brittle every day) the tumor would’ve broken and spread to my lungs—and there’s no way I would be sitting here typing this.
Adult Supervision
Back when I was in high school, my mom, dad, kid brother, and I went grocery shopping at Walmart. A teenage girl who was about my age at the time approached us and awkwardly said she thought some sketchy men had been following her around the store. I guess my family doesn't look very threatening, because she asked my dad if he would be willing to walk her out to her car.
She seemed embarrassed and kept saying she was probably overreacting, but my dad was quick to say that he would never want me, his teenage daughter, walking out alone if I suspected someone was following me. My mom, brother, and I stayed with our cart, and my dad went out into the parking lot with the girl. Several minutes later, they both came back inside and we knew something must've happened.
It turns out that an old van was parked and idling right next to her car. When the driver and passenger noticed the girl was with my dad, it sped away. The authorities were called, the girl's parents showed up, and my dad and the girl provided statements to the officer. The officer applauded the girl for going with her gut by asking my dad to walk her out, because based on the evidence, there very well could've been a much scarier ending to the story.
Always Be Prepared
black flashlightPhoto by amir shamsipur on UnsplashI went hiking in the middle of the day with a friend and his girlfriend. I brought flashlights for each of us. Well, the hike took a lot longer than expected and my buddy's girlfriend sprained her foot at the end. It took us nearly three times as long to get back and it was dark with relatively rocky terrain. Those flashlights saved our bacon. I can't even fathom how long it would have taken stumbling in the dark otherwise...
Clairvoyant Boss
It was any old day at work, the dinner rush was about to hit, and I was tired. As usual, I was going to go to the dollar store to get some Red Bull. I asked my manager if he wanted to split it because they were 2 for $5, and he said no but as soon as I reached the door, he said wait. I asked him what was wrong and he said I should go later.
He didn't give me a reason and we were pretty relaxed, so I told him to screw off and as soon as I pushed the door outwards, I hear a sound I can't even describe aside from just BREAKING. Whatever it was it was broken, that's all I knew. Turns out an SUV drove straight into that dollar store's front door and their Red Bull fridge. My manager has annoyed me like that a million times, but I'll never forget the time he saved my life.
Yank Rescue
I was walking out of a grocery store when I saw this kid about to cross the road. Something came over me and I yanked him back onto the sidewalk. Not even a second later a truck came flying past. He was probably around 7 years old.
Sweeney Todd Lives!
I was walking to the barbershop, and for some reason, everything felt off. I ignored the feeling, but every step I took just made me feel like something wasn't right, so I decided to go grab some food and come back. While I was eating, I saw squad cars and ambulances driving to around where I was before, it turns out there'd been a horrible slaying. Now I always listen to my gut feeling.
The Flirt
About 10 years ago when I was married, my wife's best friend kept on flirting with me. I had a really bad feeling about her. So, one time when she was being super aggressive, I recorded it on my cell phone. A few months later, she accused me of saying to her the very things that she said to me. One listen from my wife to my phone completely exonerated me and shut her down completely. She was trying to ruin my marriage because hers was terrible.
The Meds
a woman in a white shirt holding a stethoscopePhoto by Alexandr Podvalny on UnsplashI was in college and was having a bad time. I had started a new anti-depressant a week or so before but was also using sleep aids because without them, I had just been not sleeping at all. So, one night I’m lying in my dorm room after having taken my sleep aids, and sleepy me notices I have oddly shaped spots on my arm... and my legs... and my belly".
What the heck. Why am I a leopard"? Sleepy me thinks. I want to roll over and lay down, but for some reason, the fact that I looked spotty bothered me. So, just to be safe, I stumbled out of bed to talk to the RA. I remember very little of that part. She took me to the hospital, and not a moment too soon. It turns out I am VERY allergic to one of the ingredients in that new medication I was taking.
It just took a few days to build up in my system. By the time we got to the hospital my throat was closing and I could hardly breathe—but because of the sleep aid, this seemed like no big deal to me. I remember like five doctors/nurses around me. They had oxygen on my face and were rubbing my chest trying to help me breathe. I got like seven shots in the hip.
Eventually, they let me rest. When I woke up, they made it very clear that had I gone to sleep in my dorm, I would not have woken up again.
Creepy Dad
When I was 10, I went to the beach with my older sister, her friends, and their parents. They had a van that was open in the back (think white creepy van), no seats. The other friends of my sister’s friends took turns sitting on the father's lap when he asked if they wanted to steer the van. He then asked me and my gut said, "No! This man is creepy as heck". The look in his eyes sent shivers down my spine.
Once we got to the beach, I forgot all about the creepy dad and focused on fun. Fast forward several months later, and my sister's friends asked if my sister wanted to sleepover. She refused and my mom and I were baffled as to why she didn't want to go. We kept encouraging her to. Soon she broke down in tears and told us that one night their father had touched her.
The van incident and feelings came flying back to me. I wish I had not forgotten my gut feeling and shared it with my mother and sister before anything happened to my sister. Sometimes I still feel guilty over it. That was over 30 years ago. I don't remember what happened to the guy. I just remember a state vehicle at my house a lot afterwards. No one ever talked about it again and I never asked.
Dream Job
I was offered a dream job at almost double my salary in a different city. It was only 2 hours away, but something told me not to take it. I had a number of people tell me I would never have another opportunity like this, and my fear of leaving my hometown was holding me back. Two months after I turned it down, that division of the company was sold, and everyone in that department lost their job. I’d have been stuck in a new city with no friends or family nearby, and no job prospects.
Bear Bag
I was out solo hiking/camping. It was the end of a long day and I really didn't feel like taking the time to tie up a bear bag—the bag with all your food tied up in a tree far away from your camp. I said, "You know what, just to be safe...I'll go set one up". Cut to the middle of the night, I'm woken up to the sound of a black bear walking 30 feet away from my hammock and heading straight to where I tied up my food.
Raised By Wolves? Try Saved By One
I would visit my aunt in Ft. Lauderdale who had three adorable dogs she had rescued from crazy circumstances, and they were all awesome. Chico the hilarious Chihuahua, Patrick the lab mix who absolutely adored me despite coming from an extremely abusive home, and Zach, my grandpa’s favorite wolf/husky/shepherd gentle but very protective giant, who liked to dig holes under the house and lay in the dirt and get his white fur all covered.
Anyway, I LOVED to take them all walking around the neighborhood, usually separately. I was probably around 8 years old. Well one day I happened to be walking Zach. As he was in the little ditch on the side of the road Florida has to collect water, a white utility truck pulled up and the passenger door flew open and this mean creepy guy says, “Get. In". as he throws the car in park.
I froze, and within the span of a second, Zach, who was otherwise not visible from where this guy was standing, LUNGED like a cheetah out of the ditch. The guy hadn’t even reached for me but Zach was snarling like nothing I had ever seen before. The guy pulled off so fast I couldn’t even process what just happened.
I’ll never ever forget it. I didn’t totally grasp what had happened. I know when I got to my aunt’s and told everyone what happened they were sort of panicked about it. But that good boy saved my life. I’ll never forget it and I’ll always be thankful to Zach, the gentle protective giant.
Spidey-Sense
man holding hands of woman walks on concrete roadPhoto by Vladimir Kudinov on UnsplashFour students of mine won the first prize for a project they did and we all got a free trip to London. We had spent the day sightseeing and were exhausted, so we got ice cream and sat on a bench in a park to relax. A couple of minutes later I notice this couple walk by slowly, staring at us. My Spidey-senses go mental. I do not like these people for some reason.
She walks by and sits on the bench next to ours and he sits on the bench across from hers. They aren't talking, just looking at each other. And that is when I notice her reaching into her pockets. I jump up, grab my students, and run out of the park. My poor students are confused as heck and wondering what is wrong with me, when all of a sudden, we hear screaming.
It turns out she came at a couple walking through the park, trying to rob them. It scares the ever-loving heck out of me, knowing had I not gotten my students out of there, we would have been hurt and robbed.
In Case Of Emergency
I had a guest speaker who was in the trade centers when they were hit in 2001. He said that he took the stairs all the way down 74 floors because he didn't trust the elevators. He was in a meeting with 55 other people, and he was one of four to survive. He said as he was heading down the hall to escape, he turned around and noticed everyone cramming in the elevators from the meeting.
Only the people in the meeting that took the stairs made it out alive.
I Couldn’t Capture What Was Wrong
When I first started dating my ex-boyfriend, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was sending racy photos to someone else. I brushed it off as just being insecure. Two years later, I got a call from his ex-girlfriend. She explained to me that since the start of our relationship, they had been exchanging pics. She also sent me screenshots of him sending racy photos—while we were still together—to a bunch of other girls, even guys.
I wasn’t mad at her or any of the other people that he sent them to. I wasn’t even angry that some of them sent stuff back. Of course, when I confronted him about this, he lied through his teeth, trying to get me to stay. He eventually caved and told me everything, and I will never ignore a gut feeling again.
A Shady Character
I was president of a club, and a guy who'd recently joined just set off my alarm bells, but he never did anything wrong. I still couldn't shake the feeling that he was off. I asked my best friend, a pretty burly guy, to just keep an eye on him during a conference we went to. Most of the club (minus me) went to a party at the conference, my best friend kept an eye on the weird guy for most of the night, and ended up stopping him from touching a passed-out girl.
I pretty much always trust my gut feelings now.
Dental Defraud
I saved a receipt from my dentist. They charged me, then delayed the procedure I paid for. When I asked for a refund, they changed my entire bill and told me I owed them another $300 when all they actually did was a cleaning and x-rays. I submitted both copies of the invoices to my dental insurance company and told them what happened.
Three weeks later the insurance company resolved the issue with the dentist and I got a refund. Despite the dentist attempting to defraud me, they still regularly call me asking me to come back in. Recently they changed their name and moved a block down the road to try and hide from the plethora of negative reviews on Yelp. They're scam artists, through and through. Thank goodness I saved that receipt, or else I would had been one of their many victims.
Tough Cook
hospital bed near couchPhoto by Martha Dominguez de Gouveia on UnsplashLast year, on December 1. I had slept for almost a week trying to fight what I thought was the flu. I woke up and had a gut feeling telling me that something wasn't right with me. I called my parents to tell them, and then cabbed myself to the emergency room. The staff took blood and ran tests on me for 8 hours, then discharged me and sent me home.
I got a call the next morning asking me to come back because they found something in my blood: Bacteremia and Endocarditis. I was put on penicillin immediately, for two months. But I kept feeling like there was something wrong. I went for a specialized test on December 21, and woke up to the doctors telling me I need surgery as soon as possible. They’re trying to find a surgical team, earliest is the 24.
I go in and while they’re operating, I have an ascending aortic aneurysm and it caused an aortic dissection. They’re able to fix it. I’ve got a synthetic valve in there now. But that's not even the scariest part: I work in a restaurant kitchen, just before the start of the holiday season. Normally, cooks will tough it out and just work. Most think they'll get better soon.
I’m told that if I had done that, I more than likely wouldn't have made it before my birthday and they would have found out about the aneurysm during the autopsy. That still sends freaking chills down my spine.
Defying Evil
I worked downtown Houston for 9-1-1 on the overnight shift. On a break I went out to my car. While sitting in there a homeless guy came and knocked on my window, which wasn't at all unusual. He rolled his fingers like “roll down your window". I cannot explain what came over me but all of a sudden, my hair stood on end and I was flooded with the strangest feeling.
I felt fight or flight come over me. I didn't know where it came from, didn't even feel like my voice, but I yelled no! And I was pointing my finger at him. I sat there shaking all over, but his face was seared into my mind. So, a few days later on my day off was watching the news and the SAME homeless dude had been detained that morning because he was the suspect for this horrific case that they had been searching for.
There had been a string of strangulations of mostly homeless women downtown. I could not believe it when his mugshot popped up on my TV. I just went cold. I'm so grateful though for what I assume was my intuition or guardian angel alerting me to danger.
The Station Wagon
I was 15 and my mom dropped me off at McDonald’s to get breakfast while she went across the street to get Starbucks. It was a shopping mall in suburbia and we were on the way to pick up a new kitten a few hours away. Instead of walking the 100 yards to my mom, I sat outside waiting for her to pick me up. Teenagers, I guess.
As I’m standing there a guy in an old station wagon with two kids in the back starts talking to me. He asks me where I’m going and I say whatever town it was. He says he’s going there too with his kids and asks if I want to come. I tell him no, that my mom is across the street and he comes closer. My gut is saying something is off. I see a random woman walk out of Starbucks and I point to her and say that’s my mom right there. He freaked out and left really quick. I still remember those two kids in the backseat. They looked so off. I wonder to this day if they are okay.
Wear Your Seatbelt
My friends and I were always trash-talking another friend because he would never wear his seatbelt while driving. One night, he and another friend drove me home. it was pretty late and we were all tired, and when they dropped me off, I told him, "Use the freaking seatbelt, you idiot". The next day, around lunchtime, I got a call that made my blood run cold.
My two friends had been in a car accident. The idiot fell asleep while driving my other friend's car. They hit a parked car, which hit the car in front of it and got stuck into a wall. The parked car acted as a ramp for their car, and they flipped over—sliding like 20 meters while upside down. For some reason, the idiot had his seatbelt on for the first time ever and he didn't get injured.
Both of them crawled outside the car without a single scratch. If I'm not wrong my friend in the passenger seat broke his finger. My friend learned his lesson and his seatbelt is always on now, even when he's in the passenger seat.
Final Destination
I was driving on the highway headed back to college and I see a flatbed semi coming in the opposite direction that looked to be carrying railroad ties—big square logs, basically. I think to myself, "Huh, it sure would be bad if one of those things fell off". I hold my gaze on the semi and you can guess what immediately fell off and started tumbling right down the center of my lane...
I'm convinced I wouldn't have been able to react to it properly if I hadn't JUST thought of that exact circumstance.
Bloody Trail
yellow and white van on road during daytimePhoto by Ian Taylor on UnsplashMe and my boyfriend came back at like 2 am from a night out. We had both been drinking and stumbled into the hallway to the elevator when we see drops of something on the floor—and when I realized what it was, I felt ice in my veins. It definitely was blood. Fresh and wet. The elevator button and door were covered in bloody hand prints as well.
My boyfriend called the elevator, pushing me aside not knowing what would be in it. Luckily there was nothing except for a puddle of blood. The elevator came from the fifth floor. So, we went investigating. The trail of blood ended at a door with huge hand smears of blood on the door. It took all our courage to ring. But I am so glad we did.
An elderly man opened the door. He looked like straight out of a horror movie covered in blood from head to toe. His grey sweater was red. His hair was wet. His shoes were filled with blood. We immediately sobered up. I called an ambulance which arrived in two minutes. My boyfriend went inside the flat helping the man sit down. There was so much blood, I had never seen anything like that in my life.
We didn't know what happened to him until we met him properly for the first time. He recognized my boyfriend’s glasses. He was buzzed, wanted to ride his bike home, crashed somehow, and got a huge cut on his head. He takes heart medicine which thins his blood that's why he lost so much. If we wouldn't have rung the doorbell, he wouldn't have made it. He actually gave us money and a super expensive bottle of champagne to thank us for investigating and saving his life.
Photo Evidence
When I was 12, my family and I went to Sam's Club. Being a little jerk, I decided that I didn't want to walk with my family, so I wandered around looking at clothes and books. An employee kept watching me like staring really bad. I figured he thought I was going to take something, so I smiled at him so he knew I wasn't Bad™. He smiled back.
He kept checking me out though, and asked me how old I was. We talked about my favorite books and video games. I remember being uncomfortable but couldn't figure out why, because he was super nice to me. I remember wondering if he was flirting with me, but reasoned that he couldn't be, because I'm a boy. Really weird conclusion to come to, but I was 12.
I genuinely thought he was just interested in my favorite video games. The conversation quieted down and I decided I needed to pee, so I went into the bathroom. Less than ten seconds later and the restroom door opens. The guy stands in front of my stall, even though there were empty ones. I recognized the guy's shoes as the employee's.
I stand there for a couple minutes, done, but really confused and kind of scared. I thought he followed me because he thought I was shoplifting. What happened next was so disturbing it’s impossible to forget. Then the guy held a camera over the stall door and took a picture of me. Like really quick, one or two pictures of me just standing there looking up at the camera. I had all of my clothes on so he was just taking a picture of me in the bathroom.
Someone else came in and he immediately went to the sink and started washing his hands like he'd just finished using the bathroom. Then he left. It was really creepy. I didn't tell my mom anything except that "the Sam's Club guy thinks I'm shoplifting". And she laughed. I realized way later that he was a total creep.
Just In Time
My wife called me while I was at work just to say she was home from her night shift and planning to go to bed. She had worked the night shift for years and never called me just to say she was home and going to bed before. She also sounded weirdly detached on the call. I asked her if she was okay, she said yes—she just felt really sleepy.
I got a weird feeling and told her I was going to leave work and come home. She told me I didn’t need to, I said okay...and then I left work and rushed home anyway. I found a suicide note taped to the garage door. I got to her in time, rushed her to the ER, and got her the help she needed. This was about five months ago, and she is so much better now.
Barking Mad
When I was very visibly pregnant, I ran to the grocery store one evening. For some random reason, I took my dog with me. She wasn't big or intimidating, all black but short like a corgi and super sweet. She never growled at anybody. I guess I just thought she would enjoy the car trip, not something I usually did for a quick grocery run.
Anyways, I bought my groceries and noticed nothing unusual in the store. It was just after dusk and I rolled the cart full of groceries out to the car. As I walked out, I noticed a man sitting in the driver's seat of a car facing my vehicle, but one parking lane over. He looked as though he was waiting for someone, but something about it creeped me out.
To this day, I can't tell you what about him creeped me out specifically. I just unlocked the back of my Jeep and started putting my grocery bags in. I hear a car door and turn to see he is out of the car and asking if I need help. I said no thank you and just kept going, making sure to not turn my back to him.
But he keeps coming towards my car saying, "Are you sure? I can help". I keep saying no thanks, but he keeps coming. At this point, I am trying to check if anyone else is in the lot and even though it's full of cars, no one else is out there. He is almost at the back of my car and my sweet doggy, in what seemed instantly, left her spot on the front passenger seat and was over the back seat and standing on the back bumper, teeth bared and growling at this guy.
Even though it seemed like only a half beat, it seemed like he considered whether this short dog was a serious threat or not. He held up his hands and said "nevermind" and walked away back to his vehicle. I drove home with no trouble and told hubby what happened and gave my doggy extra treats and snuggles.
The rational part of my brain says it was probably nothing, but what if my dog hadn't been there?! He clearly had no regard for my no thanks answers. It still creeps me out, 15 years later.
An Electric Feeling
When my science teacher was a teenager, she was standing near some lights at a pedestrian crossing with her and her friend. Very chill, but out of nowhere, she had this gut feeling that both of them had to move. They moved just a couple of meters away, and the next moment a car had hit another car, which then hit one of the street electricity utility poles. It fell and exploded exactly where they were standing, just a moment ago.
That gut feeling of moving away saved both of their lives.
There's A Bad Co-Worker Then There's This
white van on gray asphalt road during daytimePhoto by Andrew Winkler on UnsplashA delivery driver I used to work with pointed a gun at my head as I was bending down to get something from the cooler I was working near. I cracked a joke about him and when I stood up, I felt it at my temple. He started laughing and I laughed it off too, got him his order as soon as possible, and when he left, I went home and called my boss, and didn’t go back until he was fired.
After a few years after the incident, he was involved in a horrifying crime where he took both his ex-wife’s life and his own soon after.
A Fuzzy Black Sock
I was about to put a new load of laundry into my washing machine in the dark, when I saw what looked to be a large sock still in the washing machine. I put my hand halfway into the washing machine then pulled my hand back up suddenly. I thought “Huh, I usually don't leave things in my washing machine". I’m so glad I stopped in my tracks. I turned on the light, and it was a bat sitting in there...
I never touched him, I just put him in some Tupperware and brought him outside. Left the container open with a bag of Doritos and he was gone in the morning.
Bad Feeling
I worked with this guy who was a hard partier. He seemed pretty cool when we were working, so when he mentioned a band that I liked was playing at a little country bar right outside of town, I agreed to go with him. We had a blast and I ended up wasted. He kept my drinks flowing all night which was fun for me because I was only 19.
We get back into town and he parks behind a bar that had a strict ID policy. He says he'll be right back. At this point, I'm not feeling good at all. Not inebriated sick, but something different. I got out and made my way to my usual bar hangout across the street. A regular noticed me and later said that I didn't look right.
He got a number for my friend from the phone book and called him to come get me. The last thing I remember was the guy came in looking for me and the guy helping me refused to let him take me home. He left pretty quickly. I remember nothing else until I woke up the next day tucked in on my friend’s couch. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.
I’m pretty sure the original guy roofied me and my instincts kicked in before he could accomplish anything. I avoided him like the plague at work after that. The good thing was, the guy that helped me at the bar ended up becoming one of my best friends.
Sixth Sense
My boyfriend and I were visiting friends for a week in Phoenix. We girls were lounging at the pool while the guys were flexing their grilling skills. My boyfriend paused a moment, stood very still then told me to go get dressed, we had to go. Right now. I wanted to fuss but something told me not to. We drove straight through to San Antonio right to his parents very rural house (this was before cell phones and they didn’t have a landline within a half-mile).
Seconds before we arrived, his little sister had jumped off of a rain barrel and landed on a metal spike that went straight up through her foot and into her leg. His dad was at work so there was no car available there. She was bleeding like crazy and his mother had just walked out and found her. I don’t know what spoke to him in Phoenix, but it would have been all bad if we had not arrived exactly when we did.
For Good Measure
When I was 10, I was learning violin from an instructor at my local music shop. I got the weirdest feeling from him even though he didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. I wanted to vomit every time I looked at him, especially his hands. After four lessons I told my parents that I had a terrible feeling about him and I never wanted to go back.
Luckily, they listened and didn’t make me ever go to him again. A few years later, we learned the awful truth. I was right to be scared. He was detained for assaulting multiple students. I have no idea how I knew something was off. He never did or said anything but I just felt it.
Petty vengeance may be as simple and relatively harmless as switching the salt and sugar before someone puts it in their coffee, or hiding around a corner and spooking them when they walk by. Sometimes petty vengeance goes farther, though — maybe too far. These are stories from internet denizens all around the world describing the time they got their petty vengeance. Let’s hope none of them went too far trying to get even!
We Don’t Know Her
green door beside yellow doorPhoto by Christian Stahl on UnsplashWe live in an apartment block, and occasionally have new people move in and out. Yesterday we encountered a new resident, a short red-haired lady who, through dwarfism and food, manages to be about as wide as she is tall. My boyfriend greeted her with a simple “Hello". He also tried to say “welcome” but she cut him off with, “Shut up, I don’t know you". Okay, not the sociable type, neither are we, best not get friendly then!
Today when returning from grocery shopping we found her trying to pick the lock with what looks like a piece of a paperclip because you know, that’s going to work. She’s apparently been at it a while because before we could open the door with our key, a patrol car stopped and an officer called out to her. The officer asked her why she was breaking in, to which she responded she lived here. She turned to us and said, “They know me".
My boyfriend smiled and said, “I don’t know you". We entered the building after the officer asked us to confirm, and my boyfriend repeated: “We don’t know her". Can’t wait to have more contact with her…
Laundry Wars
I used to be kind of an idiot. I’ve really mellowed out since. But sometime around 2001-2002, I had an incident in my university dorm laundry room. Anyway, I’m a freshman living in the dorms, it’s the weekend, and I’m doing laundry. We had an unwritten rule in the dorm laundry room: if you don’t attend to your laundry, it’s totally cool for someone to pull it out and throw it on the table (wet or dry). If you don’t like it, just promptly attend to your laundry when the washer or dryer turns off.
I don’t like people touching my laundry, so I always set an alarm to be there when it’s done (on my digital watch, not my phone!). I wash my clothes, throw them in the dryer, and set my timer. Soon after, my watch goes off and I walk back to the laundry room only to find my dryer load completely wet and on the table. Oh heck no! Someone pulled my stuff from the dryer, only to dump it out and dry their stuff for free.
Well, good news: I had more quarters, so I could dry my stuff just fine. Actually, I had enough quarters for my anonymous friend too — why didn’t they just ask? So I grab their clothes and throw them in an open washing machine with six of my spare quarters. Actually, wait — I can drop another quarter in for a heavy cycle, which entitles you to an additional rinse and spin! I happen to have another quarter, so I do. The heavy cycle takes over an hour and a half to complete.
Now’s a good time to mention a nice feature the washing machines had that the dryers didn’t: they locked while in operation. The homie would have been stuck for about 100 minutes waiting for another chance to dry their clothes. I hope they made better choices the second time. I was kind of a petty jerk as a baseline, and I look back with a bit of a shock that I didn’t dump in some bleach or turn the water hot.
I’m glad I’ve outgrown that kind of thing, but I look back with some pleasure at that little guy standing up to some random inconsiderate person.
Thrown Under The Bus
I was at a subway station a couple of days ago getting back from Uni. As I got off the subway to line up and go up the escalators, this middle-aged lady nudged me out of the way just as I got on to the steps, and made me trip over and fumble my bag. She stared at me and went on her way. I was right behind her going up, and she probably saved like 0.01 seconds getting on the escalator before me.
As we made our way to the exit and I got up to the door frame, she went out of her way to nudge past me again. She gave me another stare as she went through the exit and stood there looking at me like she couldn’t believe I tried to go first or something. There’s a bus terminal that connects to the subway on the street level, and we ended up waiting at the same stop. She was the first in line, and I was right behind her.
When the bus finally arrived, she really took her time fumbling through her purse, talking on her phone, and looking for her bus card. As she was searching for her card, she ended up dropping it right at the tip of my boot. She was still busy talking on the phone while searching through her wallet. I thought about it for a second and decided to lightly slide her card underneath the bus with my foot.
Eventually, she realized that she might have dropped her card, so she packed her wallet back in her purse, hung up the phone and looked around for her card. As she looked, she began getting increasingly worried, scanning everywhere for where she could have dropped it. I nudged her out of the way, gave her a stare, and made my way on to the bus.
I sat happily on one of the seats. I saw her flustered and panicked, as the next bus was coming in half an hour. The bus started to depart, and I opened the window and told her with glee, “Maybe you should check under the bus!” I watched her for as long as I could until she was out of sight, and enjoyed the rest of my commute home.
Punished For Coming In Early
I work in an office with flexible hours. We can start anytime from 8 am to 9:30 am. I’m always in the office at 8:15 am. Usually, if work comes in urgently in the morning, my supervisor gives it to me to complete since I’m one of the few in the team presently in the office. Well, yesterday I came into the office at my usual time and one of my colleagues was working on an urgent task given to him at 8 am. He had to pause the task for 20 minutes so my supervisor told me to complete it while he’s away from the office. I couldn’t even have my breakfast or even drink water because of how urgent this task was.
I was still working on it when he came back. He asked “how are you going with the task?” and I explained that I’m still working on it and that I found a few mistakes and showed it to him. He puts his hands up in the air and says, “Nope. Not my responsibility anymore” and walks off. Really? I was livid. But this needed to be done and I have no time for drama.
I finished work 5:30 pm that day. Before I left, my supervisor told me that she got a HUGE workload given to her and that she will need to give it to someone urgently in the morning to complete. I knew that my colleague would be in the office at 8 am again. Guess who is walking in the office at 9:15 am today with a cup of fresh coffee and breakfast?
A Bus Seat Built For Two
So I’m on the way home from the shops and I decide to take the bus. Really, it’s only about three stops away and I should probably walk, but it’s the middle of Australian summer, I’m wearing thongs, my bags are heavy and, most significantly, I’m lazy. So I jump on the bus home and it’s pretty full. No problem — as I said, only going three stops, not far, more than happy to stand. I’m shuffling through the aisle past other standing people though when suddenly, about halfway down, I see it. A middle-aged woman hogging a whole seat to herself.
Now I catch public transport every day and let me tell ya if you take up a whole two-person seat by yourself when other folks are standing, mate, that’s 5 years gulag in my book. Not only is this woman not sharing the seat, but she’s also moved herself to the aisle side so as to discourage anyone else from sitting down. Not on my watch.
Now previously I had been perfectly content to stand, but that’s all over now. I walk on over to this woman, look her straight in the eyes and with my nicest young man voice, broad smile and most unwavering gaze ask if I can please sit there. She glares daggers at me but relents — but not by shuffling over though. Instead, she stands in place with a huff and turns her shoulder a few centimeters to the right to indicate that yeah, there’s a seat, but if I want it I can squeeze past.
I am not in the least bit dissuaded. Happily, I squeeze past the standing woman and gosh, well I sure am a big clumsy boy carrying some bulky shopping aren’t I, and there is just not a lot of room between these seats. It takes me a few seconds to shuffle my lumbering butt all the way in, by which time the lady’s taken a few whacks of the old green bag and my grocery-laden backpack, not to mention been stumbled over once or twice by my big ol’ un-coordinated feet (it’s so hard, walking in thongs).
I sit down in contented silence, she lowers her huffing self down next to me, I spread out and brush up a little with my hairy legs, she fixes me with a glare. We sit in silence for two minutes. And then, wouldn’t you know it, my stop arrives and this woman is forced to get to her feet once more so we can do the whole dance again on the way out. I hope you enjoyed your personal space, witch. Next time just shove over.
Yearbook Humiliation
boy in green sweater writing on white paperPhoto by CDC on UnsplashSo flashback to grade 1 and little ol’ me was happy being a little child. Until this girl in my class, let’s call her Mary, uninvited me to her birthday party so she could invite someone else. I was such a sad little nugget after that! Anyways, for the next 10 years, Mary and I end up going to the same schools since we lived in the same school district. In elementary and middle school she would torment me and anyone not in the “in” crowd, but would get away with it because her dad was a teacher. Needless to say, Mary was not in my good books.
A few years later, it’s grade 9 and I am part of my middle school’s yearbook class, where we got to design and create the yearbook from photos taken at school events. One of the pages that we need to create was a talent show page. Mary happened to participate in the talent show doing a singing performance. I saw an opportunity. I browsed through the photos of Mary singing at the talent show and found the one where her face was the most gloriously contorted and screwed up, as she was singing her high note.
I blew that photo way up and placed it in the middle of the page, carefully choosing background colors that wouldn’t take too much attention away from that moment in time where her visage was disheveled and distorted. And that’s how we published the yearbook. I’m 21 now and almost have an undergrad degree, and I still think back to that glorious moment and pat myself on the back. I bought a copy of that yearbook so I will always have that revenge as a treasured memory.
I’m Rubber, You’re Glue
Years ago I was working for a company where I had an office and the neighboring department was all open plan. We shared coffee facilities so I would often speak to the people in this department over a coffee. There was one idiot called Trevor in that department who would only talk to people on his desk phone on a conference call — every conversation. Needless to say, the rest of the department were annoyed with this loud and obnoxious person screaming on the blower.
As a senior guy, I casually raised this with Trevor. He responded by saying “you can go and get [bleeped]!” Now, as he was in a different department I had no authority over him and his boss was a moron too so I would have got a similar response. After Trevor went home, I went to his desk and accidentally dropped some glue into the microphone on his phone. The next day it was set rock hard.
Of course, the phone rang and he answered it on a conference call, but of course, the person couldn’t hear him. He started screaming into the mic, but they still couldn’t hear him. They would then hang up and try again. This went on for a couple of calls until he answered the phone in the manner appropriate for the office.
Crayons For The Mature Adult
I’m a server at Denny’s. Today I had a grown woman come in with her two little kids and ask for a booth. I cleaned one and sat her down. She then looks at me points at a booth across the restaurant and says she wants that one instead. Okay, whatever. I move her. I sit her down and seat someone at the booth she was in originally.
Not 2 minutes later she comes up to me and asks for the other booth back because “I was there first and it’s nicer". Yeah, I know lady: that’s why I sat you there. I tell her I can’t make other customers move and she can keep the one she’s in now or wait until a new one opens. She then says, “No, I want that one. I was there first they have to move". I told her, ” I’m sorry I can’t do that".
She asks for the manager. I get him and explain the situation. He then tells her exactly what I said. She sits down crosses her arm and pouts like a child. I proceeded to walk to her table with a huge smile on my face and hand her 3 children’s menus. I looked her in the eyes and asked what color crayon she wanted. She goes, “I’m an adult!” I gave her green and walked away.
She walked out, but the satisfaction of not getting in trouble or having to serve her was worth it.
Petty Voicemails
Last year some stupid for-profit education company kept leaving me messages for some person I’d never heard of. My outbound message is literally just, “You’ve reached John Doe, please leave a message". And they’d start in with, “This message is for Jessie Harrison” or whatever name it was. I had blocked the number from ringing long ago, but I was starting to get sick of them leaving my voicemails too. I could have unblocked the number, but it seemed like a lot more fun to just change my voicemail message just for them (a pretty handy feature of Google Voice).
I recorded a 3-minute message (the maximum) where I repeated my name many times and implored them to actually freaking listen before they leave a voicemail. They called once more after I set that message… and never again. I guess they took the hint that I was just going to keep wasting their time or something.
Sign Your Work
My ex cheated on me while I was deployed. She wound up getting engaged to the guy. Before I changed duty stations, she reached out to say goodbye. We hooked up. While she was asleep, I found his underwear drawer and left a note that said, “Cheaters cheat. By the way, I didn’t use protection". I signed it. Hard not to think fondly on that memory…
“I’ll Just Be A Few Minutes…”
cars parked on parking lot during daytimePhoto by Markus Winkler on UnsplashSo years ago I delivered jugs of water to homes and offices. My work truck was fairly big probably about 35ish feet long. I had a building I delivered to that had 8-10 stops in it and was one of the few places that had a loading bay for delivery vehicles. This bay was wide enough for 2 large trucks side by side and long enough for my truck to mostly fit with a bit of the cab sticking out in the alleyway (not so far as to block traffic).
On the other side of the alley was another building, and the dumpsters for said building. These dumpsters were in a position that it could be a little tight to get into the dock but it was doable. This day I pull up and see a small courier car (size of a Honda civic) pull into the bay and stop right at the entrance. This position is just enough that I cant get the angle I need to be able to nose up to the dumpsters and back into the open spot in the loading bay. If I tried I’d likely hit the car.
Luckily for me, the driver was just getting out of the car. So I politely asked if she could back up a couple of feet so I could get into the dock. Her: I’m only going to be a few minutes… Me: Yes but if you take 5 seconds, we can both do what we need to do… Her: I’ll be a few minutes… Then she just walks into the building.
So I’m kinda stunned at this point. I’ve been in the delivery industry for almost a decade most other drivers get that it’s a tough job and we can all do what we need to do and there’s kinda an unwritten code even amongst competitors. So I maneuver my truck nice and tight to the building so as not to block the alleyway while parking perpendicular to the loading dock entrance and blocking her car in.
I start loading the first of 2 or 3 cartloads into the building. She comes out and sees my truck… Her: Well isn’t this cute… You need to move… Me: I’ll only be a few minutes. Her: I need to go. Move your truck now… By this time my cart is loaded and I tell her, “It’s okay, I’ll only be a few minutes". And I walk into the building.
Interrupting The Game
I have large trees in my yard. My neighbor next door blows all the leaves into my yard with his lawnmower. He says they’re my leaves from my tree. In doing so, he also leaves all of his grass clippings mixed in with the leaves. I blew them back; he called law enforcement. This happened several times.
His TV cable is buried in my yard. It runs from a pole underground through ten feet of my yard. During the local football game, I took a shovel and jumped on it. He lost TV and Wi-fi for two days. The cable company ran a new line. It messed up my yard a bit, but I know where it is. Just in case.
More Pain Than Intended
My mother had really bad asthma and allergies and made us kids rake up the leaves. This was not an easy task. They would get several feet deep if we didn’t do it often enough. One day we raked the whole yard into these giant piles for the city to come pick up. This took several hours. The next morning, they were scattered all over. We raked them again over several more hours and it happened again. Apparently, the neighborhood jerk kid was knocking them over just to be a jerk.
The next time, we made a super huge pile around the fire hydrant hoping he’d kick them and hurt his foot. Nope, this time he decided to do a run and jump. I watched it peeking through the blinds. He ended up breaking several bones. I didn’t even feel bad.
Invincible Mailbox
When I was a kid, our mailbox got taken out like once a month. Finally, after the 10th mailbox and post, my dad was fed up. So he got an eight-foot I-beam and buried it four feet down and filled in the hole with Quickrete. Next time it got hit, the jerk wrapped his car around it. Like the mailbox/pole was sticking out of the middle of his car.
After that, I don’t think the mailbox was ever hit again.
“Broken” TV
My brother-in-law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school. My wife turned off the TV, wrote “broken” on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. It took my brother-in-law several days to figure it out.
It’s Mine, Apparently
plates on tablePhoto by Kadarius Seegars on UnsplashI went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter said, “What are you doing?” I said, “I paid for it, I’m taking it home". And I did.
It Smells Your Fear
A girl in high school did something to annoy me. I can’t even remember what it was. She made it well-known to everyone that she was terrified of Furbys. So I brought one to school, found people in all of her classes, and passed it along between them so that it followed her all day. She ended up having a panic attack; I almost felt bad.
The Worst Smell!
I know a girl that broke up with her idiot boyfriend and moved out. But before she left she hid potatoes all over his house where he couldn’t find them, so that when they rot months and months later he will never get rid of the smell.
Charitable Vengeance
I’m a hairstylist and I got fired from a salon job over some nepotistic hogwash. Luckily, I had about 60 free haircut cards lying around my apartment. So I donated them all to a charity that helps recent parolees get back on their feet. On one hand, it’s nice to help people. On the other, it’s also nice to know that they’ll probably use the free haircut card, never come back, and not tip the stylists.
Pettiness, Delivered
My neighbor flipped out on me because my dog was sniffing her lawn and yelled, “Get your dog off my lawn! Don’t let him poop on my lawn!” It really got to me so I ordered 500 boxes from USPS to her house every two weeks for a few months (you can order up to 500 of any size for free). I also mixed five bullion cubes for chicken broth (usually you use like two or three for a large thing of soup) into a water bottle with a hole in the cap and I’d just spray it all over the last foot or so of her lawn the whole length every day for a few weeks so that every dog, cat, and stray/wild animal would go sniff her lawn every time they passed by it.
Obedience Or Consequence
white and brown long coat large dogPhoto by Pauline Loroy on UnsplashMy girl told me that the neighbor across the street was instructing his dog to go poop on our lawn. At first, I doubted he was telling his dog to do that, but I was home sick for a few days and saw it myself. I asked the owner to stop it and he said the dog wouldn’t listen. When I asked him to at least clean up the poop, he said his dog was only peeing.
We had our own dog and I took a week’s worth of his poops plus the neighbor’s dog’s poops for the week and walked across the street and threw them all over his front yard and walkway one night. Somehow the neighbor’s dog listened after that and never pooped in my yard again.
Return To Sender
When I was about 14, I was walking down a road with my friend. Some older teenagers in a car pulled up next to us, threw an egg right at me, and then sped off. Somehow, the egg hit me in the shoulder and then landed on the ground without exploding. It was still intact. The kids did a U-turn and came around to inspect the damage. My friend picked up the egg and threw it right back at their car.
Their window was down, and my friend hit them right at the base of the driver’s side window, creating a perfect airburst. The egg exploded everywhere.
Dosing Out His Own Medicine
My neighbor watches TV at night loudly. I’ve asked nicely for him to lower it (I’m a nursing student, so I need what little sleep I get). Long story short, he wouldn’t lower it, and my apartment complex says it’s not loud enough to be considered a disturbance. I now play heavy metal music during the day and put the speaker right by the neighbor’s wall, so he’s not able to sleep during the day.
The music is a disturbance, but it’s not loud enough for the complex to consider it a disturbance, so they can’t do anything about it.
Free Food For Vengeance’ Sake
I worked in a restaurant with a jerk in the early days of touchscreen point-of-sale systems. Whenever he forgot to log out, I would enter duplicate orders for his tables under his account. Management thought he was a complete idiot and eventually he was even questioning himself. Meanwhile, the rest of the staff got free food.
Not A Good Fit
My grandma, when she was a teenager, was sent to an all-girls school with dorms, uniforms, and the whole shebang. Well, my grandma isn’t an all-girls school type of lady and would sneak out at night by leaving a window cracked open with a shoe. One of the girls at the school did not like my grandma and one night took her shoe out of the window, locking it. This makes it so you have to enter through the front, where a nun was stationed 24/7.
To retaliate, my grandma took a massive poop in this girl’s bed, then remade it. Yeah, my grandma didn’t last too long at that school.
Early Wakeup Call
black alarm clock at 10:10 on white wooden table near tablePhoto by Benjamin Voros on UnsplashI work as a hotel housekeeper. I was abused by an obnoxious snowflake guest. During her room service, I set her bedside alarm clock to go off, full volume, at 2 am.
Psycho Coworker
In my old department, there was this dispatcher who probably shouldn’t be a dispatcher. We’ll call him G. One day, G needed to stay home for the gas and electric people to do some work on his home. Instead of taking a whole day off, he made the mistake of telling our boss that he’ll be at work no later than noon, but he could be there sooner if it’s really busy. G said he’d call to see how we were doing to see if he needed to come in early. I was left to dispatch for that day.
I came in at 6 am Starting at 7 a.m., he called numerous times. By the time it reached 9, G must have called at least 20 times. Each time he said the same exact thing: “Is it busy? How does it look? Do I need to come in?” By the 20th call, I got fed up and told him that it’s really busy and we could use the help if he’s able to show up. He hesitated because he had no one to watch the house, but eventually agreed and said he’ll be at work in a few minutes.
When he came in, I let him know about the workload. He realized that it wasn’t that busy and asked why I did that. My response? “Because you called me more than a psycho ex. I had to stop you somehow". Our boss wouldn’t let him leave and thought the whole thing was hilarious especially since G knows better than to do things like that to me.
South And More South
I was working at a call center. My coworker, who has a very rich southern accent, gets a call in. The woman on the other line detects her accent and gives her a hard time. She then requests someone “intelligent” with “better English”. My coworker tells the woman her English is fine and she can assist her. The lady says something to the effect of, “Just transfer me to someone else, tramp". My coworker then sends her to the SPANISH line. I just about died from the laughter.
Caught Red-Tongued
Someone kept stealing snacks from my little sister’s lunch that was in her locker in elementary school. They even left the wrappers there. My sister had a suspect in mind but her teacher did not want to act on it. So we decided to prepare some Lindt chocolates: We scooped the middle part and put some Sriracha in them. The next day, the kid did indeed fall into our trap and came back from her ”bathroom trip” with a red face and tearing eyes. She stopped stealing from my sister’s locker after that.
Cheaters Get Cheated
When I found out my then-husband was sleeping with a coworker for over two years, he was in Denmark on business. I took every penny out of our joint account and opened a new account at a different bank. When he called to ask why his debit card didn’t work, I acted puzzled. This went on for days until he called the bank. In the meantime, I’d gotten an attorney and filed for divorce, and changed all the locks. I also took his phone and threw it into the Mississippi River.
Restaurant Playground
burger with lettuce and tomato on white ceramic platePhoto by Juan Rojas on UnsplashThis was about 15 years ago, in college, while I was a host at a crummy Mexican restaurant. It’s a normal, busy Saturday night, and this guy walks in, right past me. He circles through the whole restaurant, comes back, and points out the table he wants to sit at. I do exactly as he asks. I knew what he was doing. He did not want to sit by any kids. Now, what happened next was completely avoidable, but he had angered me by acting like a smug jerk.
I proceeded to surround him with every party including kids. Loud kids, messy kids, small kids, birthday parties, I’ve got the perfect seat for you! I could see that he was ready to erupt, but it was too dang funny. He came up and yelled at me in front of the entire restaurant for the slights. I played dumb and then went in the back and laughed my butt off with everyone else.
The Gift Of Pettiness
I gave my jerk sister-in-law a beautifully wrapped (like, tight wrapping paper with so much perfectly curled ribbon) copy of Toxic In-Laws at her bridal shower. I obviously did not attend said shower, so she likely opened the gift in front of the crowd, for maximum embarrassment. Yes, yes, it made me look ridiculous, no doubt, but I know the irony probably shook her good, which was my goal.
Treat Others As You Want To Be Treated
One of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody buys something, but instead of handing me the money, they plop it down on the counter. So one guy came up and was being… undesirable. Grown man. When it comes time to pay, he grabs a bunch of crumpled cash and throws it on the counter in front of me. I stare at it for a few moments and eventually the guy says something along the lines of, “The money’s right there, you can count it!”
So being the petty little guy I am, I pick it up, thumb through it incredibly slowly (about 30-45 seconds without exaggeration), and this guy is giving me the ANGRIEST look. I open the register to grab his change and I go to set it on the counter. He tries to dip his hand beneath mine to grab it so I slide my hand to the side and drop it on the counter. I slide the item he bought across the counter and look up and smile with a, “Have a very nice day sir".
He storms off and I ask if he’d like his receipt. When comes back and tries to snatch it out of my hand, he instead rips it in half and it took all of my energy not to bust out into tears. I will go to any lengths to anger people if they treat me like I’m subhuman.
Revenge Clap
I think one of the most satisfactory ones for me was when I got back at my childhood tormentors. I got into fights because I’d physically defend friends weaker, smaller, and younger than me. Eventually, the jerks had had enough. The main girl literally recruited two years worth of bad kids. My friends sat at our usual table. The hall was weirdly empty, then came in ALL the jerks and sat at two (eight-person each) tables.
Three of them came up to me. They started insulting us. One grabbed my fork and started eating my pasta. She then picked up my cardboard juice box, stuck the straw in it, and started drinking. I clapped my hands together and all the juice flooded into her mouth where she was forced to splutter it all down herself. The rest of the jerks found this hilarious, and, not having a nice fun fight to get involved in, left.
The main jerk with the juice all over her started yelling at me. I said, “Oh yeah? You and what army?” She panicked and fled. I ate my pasta and one of my friends shared their drink with me.
Drying Up After Him
My roommate in college used to get out of the shower dripping wet and leave water all over the bathroom floor. I asked him several times to dry himself off in the shower but he refused. Rather than get angry about it, I just started drying off the bathroom floor every morning with his bath towel.
Concrete Pumpkin
pumpkin near treePhoto by Matt Eberle on UnsplashI have a friend whose pumpkin/fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. So my friend decided to put a stop to it. He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. He filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
The jerk broke the axle of his bad car when he hit that pumpkin. He could not drive away. My friend had his car towed.
Long-Term And Expensive
Back in 2001, I was cheated on by a guy I dated for a few years. After we broke up, I went to Walmart’s book aisle. I grabbed about 40 subscription postcards out of the magazines and filled them all out with his name and address. I marked the ‘bill me later option’ and mailed them slowly over a few weeks.
Five years later, we hung out via mutual friends, and in the garage, there were so many magazines that the two-car garage was a one car garage. Three years after this, we were talking and he mentioned how his credit was screwed up because he didn’t pay for some magazine subscriptions and they turned him in to the collection agency.
Burning In The Bathroom
Several coworkers and I noticed that our lunches and drinks would constantly go missing, even when clearly marked. One of my coworkers was a diabetic and it ended up causing him to have a hypoglycaemic incident due to having his food taken. So after that, things got serious. He brought in a lunch that was laced with laxatives and a Carolina reaper extract oil. The previous diabetic incident was well documented and HR at this point was now aware of the food bandit. Luckily, that day, he hit the jackpot.
Turns out it was someone from HR who was taking people’s food. We heard a blood-curdling scream when the guy took his first bite and he was caught red-handed. It only got better from there. He stayed in the office the remainder of the day as things were sorted out. However, he ended up in the bathroom suffering even more. So not only did he get his mouth burned, he was pooping his brains out at the same time.
Micro-Managed Alarms
I was at my mom’s for Christmas Eve one year with my husband. I was pregnant and she had been getting on my nerves because she micromanages the holidays and my siblings and I just wanted to relax. She also had a brand-new iPhone and I knew her password. So I set her alarm to come on every hour on the hour starting at midnight and stopping at 7 a.m. I also changed the alarm tone every hour.
One was a dog barking, which set off her two Shih Tzu-poodle mix dogs for almost 45 minutes before the next alarm went off 15 minutes later. It was the best feeling in the world to hand over her phone after setting up those alarms, knowing what was going to happen. It’s one of my most cherished memories.
Hiding Rolls
My little sister NEVER changes the toilet paper roll. Like totally empty, roll under the counter, doesn’t bother to change it. So I collected the empty rolls for about four months, and the next time she did it I took all of them, pulled up her sheets, and hid them all under the form-fitting sheet on the bed. It took her a long time to find all of them.
Don’t Touch My Peanut Butter
clear glass jar with brown liquidPhoto by Tetiana Bykovets on UnsplashMy roommate kept on grabbing my peanut butter without asking, so I bought a bottle of laxative and made sure all of it went into the jar. I locked the bathroom door when I left in the morning. He pooped on himself and all over his bed — it was so bad he had to buy a new one.
Collective Coffee Revenge
I worked at a coffee shop in high school and this businessman came in every morning. He was always extremely rude and treated all the baristas like we were garbage. This guy truly talked to us like we were worthless servants. Buddy would order a quad shot americano, so we collectively started pouring him only decaf. He would sometimes come in on his lunch break and would muse out loud about how coffee just didn’t get him going like it used to.
Sweet And Sticky
My ex cheated. There was a dollar store near her work that I liked. So I went in and spent a dollar on a giant bag of gummy bears. I opened the and ate one. It was sweet! I had another! So good! These were my favorite gummy bears by far! I felt bad for wasting them by throwing them on her windshield on a hot day… but it was totally worth it.
Bed Time, Not Game Time
When my husband and I got our first apartment together, we lived with someone who didn’t have much going on schedule-wise and would stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. playing video games online with friends and shouting. We asked him to be quieter after midnight because both my husband and I had early mornings, but he would always do that thing where he was quiet for about 10 minutes and then got even louder than before.
So my husband started unplugging/replugging the internet box after midnight and then when he knocked on our door and asked if we knew why the internet was out, we’d play dumb and promise to call Comcast in the morning.
Crushed Tacos
I was working at a taco place in the drive-thru, and this one customer was being so rude. He ordered some things, I repeated back his order, and he said I was completely wrong and wasn’t listening. Then he kept yelling at me through the speaker. When he got to the window, he didn’t even look at me when he handed over his money.
Of course, I was angry. One of the things he ordered was ten crunchy tacos with mild sauce. Before I gave him his tacos, I “checked” his ten tacos and crushed seven of them. Then I threw in twelve packets of Diablo sauce and only two packets of mild sauce.
Your Music, Then My Music
a robot with red lightsPhoto by Albany Capture on UnsplashNeighbors had a party with karaoke (pretty bad karaoke) that lasted until about 4 am, blasting the speakers with Rancheritas, Corridos, bad oldies Spanish pop. I decided to wash my car with speakers blasting at 6 am when they had just gone to sleep. The next time they had a party, they came over beforehand and said it was going to be over by midnight. It was.
Tiny Book Ruiner
Whenever I fought with or got mad at my parents when I was very young (five to seven years old), instead of giving them attitude, I’d just bite my tongue… then later sneak into their bedroom and rip out the following five to ten pages of whatever book they were reading at the time. I was a tiny little passive-aggressive psycho.
A Deserved Loss
My former roommate/best friend out of the blue started spreading completely fabricated rumors about me. When I heard about them, I didn’t confront her or call her out. Instead, I blocked her in every way, took all my stuff out of our shared storage unit and never reminded her about paying her half. Months later, she showed up on my doorstep to tell me that they had repoed everything in the unit.
She had every childhood photo, family heirlooms, expensive furniture, and a small jewelry collection in there. Got what she deserved as far as I’m concerned.
Catpocalypse
A neighbor tried to hit my cat when she was chilling on his lawn. I got so annoyed, I ordered a ton of catnip seeds from Amazon, and threw it all over his lawn. The cat situation got so bad for him that he had to move out.
Snow-Shoveled In
When I lived in this apartment complex, there was a huge blizzard one winter. The apartment complex had a parking lot. I was parked in the space right in front of my apartment. It took me three hours to shovel out my car and the space, toting the snow to the grassy areas instead of just throwing it into the lot or other spaces. It was brutal.
I leave for work that night, and the jerk neighbor, who was parked in the space next to mine… brushed off his car a little, pulled out of his space without shoveling and parked in the space I had just shoveled. I WAS PEEVED. So I spent another two or so hours shoveling out the space he had been parked in… directly onto his car.