Our bodies know when we're in danger way before we do.
Thanks to millions of years of evolution, our "flight or fight" responses are very reliable for getting us out of situations before they get sticky. A bad vibe from someone can be enough for our guts to let us know that it's time to leave.
u/Sadlad111 wanted to know about times people's instincts kicked in, and got some frightening answers when they asked... "What is your most terrifying "we need to leave, NOW" random rush of fear you've felt?"
10. Adults never ask children for help
"When I was a preteen, a strange man stopped and asked me for directions that didn't make sense. As I'm trying to help him a van rolls up and the side door opens. I just booked it and never looked back."
9. This quick thinking mom saved her family
"My car was stolen the very night I moved into my new house in a very good neighborhood. The neighbors had warned us that the neighborhood was being targeted at the time. They mentioned a women around the corner that opened the door for knockers in the middle of the night and they attacked her and robbed her and almost killed her.
We had reported the car stolen and did the police reports when it happened. Well, 2 nights later in the middle of the night I hear a knock on the door and they said open up, it's the police. Well, since I had heard the story about the other lady, I was suspicious and did not answer. I grabbed my kids and put them in my daughter's room because it had access to the roof from the window. I called the police to say that two men claiming to be police are pounding on my door. They said there was no police in the area and they're sending a car. Turns out, these same guys stole the car and came back for seconds.
I did get my car back because they brought it with."
8. It's okay to be rude to stay safe
"My mom and I were walking our dog on a semi secluded dried up river bed (for context I was probably 7 or 8). A couple approached us, and instantly something in my gut told me that they weren't safe. The man asked some weird question like, "is it just you and your daughter here?"' and then proceeded to say that he took pictures of kids for a living and that he would love to have me model for him.
I didn't wait to hear the rest of the conversation because after that I took off, and I'm ashamed to admit, left my mom and dog behind with the creepy guy. My mom was livid saying how rude I was and how worried she was because she didn't know where I went, but the intense "leave now!" feeling that came over me totally clouded any sort of reasoning."
7. I'm always on alert in movie theaters
"Went to a movie on Halloween when I was in high school with my boyfriend at the time. It was a huge theatre where there was a staircase all the way to the top row that opened in the middle of the row so you could sit on either side of the opening. My boyfriend and I sat in the back row on one side of the opening. We were watching the movie and around 30-40 minutes after the movie started, a guy walked in by himself wearing a big sweater and sat on the other side of the opening. He didn't really DO anything at first but he gave me a bad feeling and I felt uncomfortable but I continued watching the movie. I noticed the guy seemed really nervous and wasn't paying ANY attention to the movie.
I really couldn't figure out why but he was stressing me out big time and I just felt like we had to get the f--- out of there. I told my boyfriend that I was probably being silly but I wanted to leave. As we were leaving we informed the staff about the guy just in case.
Turns out they had been looking for him as people had reported seeing a guy of that description behaving strangely in the parking lot earlier. The police came and he apparently had quite a few large hunting knives hidden under his sweatshirt."
6. Don't go off with strangers
"When me and two of my cousins went camping with our family (probably about 8-9 years old) we stayed in a campground that had a playground near our spot. We would often go, just the three of us, to play and go back to our camper when it started to get dark because it wasn't too far. But one day we were playing and we weren't the only kids there but this man (40s) came up to us with a dog and started talking to my cousins and they were very trusting. He kept asking them if they wanted hotdogs or cookies and where they were from and telling us that his camper was just over there if we wanted snacks.
This guy gave me a super weird vibe immediately so I looked at my cousins after being quiet the whole time and said "I think I hear grandma yelling for us, dinner is probably ready" and they argued and were confused but after I gave them the 'look' they just shrugged and listened to me. That guy gave me the heebie jeebies and we never saw him again after that day."
5. Sounds like they were up to no good...
"Was at a rest stop in upstate New York near Troy around midnight. This was before cell phones and gps and we stopped to use the pay phone to find a hotel for the night. On the way back to the car, a couple of random guys approached us from behind asking for directions, I told my wife to get in the car when I noticed two other guys coming towards the car from the opposite direction. I hopped in the car and drove away before anything else happened. Might've just been me being overly cautious, but I swear I avoided a mugging or worse by the skin of my teeth."
4. When trusting your gut pays off
"I was at a house party and the people hosting were aggressively telling people to have a good time and go to the basement. Like with a scary tone and a smile. Most of my friends left right away, and the one person who wanted to stay ended up getting mugged."
3. Things can go wrong fast
"I was at a party my freshman year of college and some seedy people were present. The night was getting very tense, but no fights or anything happened. As the night went on it became very clear to me something was going to happen. I told my friend it was time to leave. No more than 5 minutes after we left someone was stabbed and the stabber was shot."
2. You have to question when someone is being really pushy
"That would be when my mother convinced me it was a good idea to go see a house for sale in the middle of nowehere.
Guy showed us the house and then led us to the door of the basement, insisting we absolutely had to see it. From the top of the stairs I could see a bed and what looked like a semi furnished room.
He insisted we go down first and in that moment I got this strong feeling of unease and just excused myself, turned on my heels and left, headed for the road.
My mom said the guy got really upset, started to swear and sweat, and cut the visit short, so maybe my instinct were on point."
1. He read the room, and he was right
"Years ago my BF owned a truck tire repair company. He stopped by a customers house unannounced one day to try to get a check, as they owed a lot of money. When he came out of the house he was pretty shaken up. He explained the man's numerous other brothers were there (unusual), everyone was very jittery but they cut him a check and then rushed him out. He had a scary feeling that day.
Two days later that customer and his brothers were arrested for a murder, that they had committed the night before we stopped by."
Knowing how to comfort someone is a skill that not everybody has. In fact, some of us outright suck at it.
It doesn't make you a bad person - maybe you're awkward under pressure, or uncomfortable, or didn't have healthy models of empathy. Maybe you just panic and don't know what to do.
Thanks, Teach!
<p>"So, have they found someone new yet?"</p><p>One of my parents died. My parents had been married twenty-five years. A teacher asked me this question five months after the funeral.</p><p>She later told my surviving parent that my depression was because I had to share a room sometimes with a sibling. Not because of my dead parent.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkpycyo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">wzzz11124</a></p>A Music Career
<p>At my boyfriend's funeral a girl he went to high school with came up to me and tried to comfort me by saying she knew "exactly" how I was feeling because she was in love with him too. </p><p>They never dated, they weren't even friends after graduating high school. </p><p>Now she's made a music career from writing sad love songs about him that make it sound like they were together.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqc9vi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">h3llbaby-ri</a></p>Happy Birthday!
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU0MTkwNi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1ODUyODIyMn0.KCvddvC-hOTRNU4I2h9XB4EiNJbqtIb6tUIVycrcrcs/img.gif?width=980" id="92b5a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="64cf90889116269bc1889f71eb3e6b8d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="400" />Episode 4 Birthday GIF by FriendsGiphy<p>A few years ago, I caught pneumonia, and a stomach virus at the same time. Needless to say, I was really really sick. I was in the hospital for 9 days, and one of those days happened to be my 27th birthday. </p><p>One of my aunts that I don't really know was in town, and wanted to come visit. When she got there, she gave me a card for my birthday, which was nice, but when I read it, it said "since this looks like it'll be your last birthday, I'll say my goodbyes now LOL".</p><p>Now, I'm all for dark humor, but at that point I'd already lost 14 pounds from throwing up, I had a 104 degree fever for multiple days, I was delirious and hallucinating, and hadn't slept in days. I was in legitimate fear that I was actually going to die. </p><p>Told my mom after I was better that I didn't want to see that aunt ever again.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkq388v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">floridas_lostboy</a></p>The Original Owner Of The Book
<p>People say and do some weird sh*t in attempts to comfort others. Myself included. </p><p>But the biggest stand out was when my mother was first diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer (she is doing great now). She received a second hand book called <em>Cooking and Coping with Cancer</em>. </p><p>The original owner of the book didn't need it anymore ... because he died of cancer. So his wife thought my mom would like it. </p><p>The intention was kind, but it was just a bit depressing.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkq1o5i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">theWildBore</a></p>Prosperity Gospel
<p>When I had my first miscarriage, husband and I were attending a Word of Faith type church.</p><p>Their words of "encouragement" were that our baby had died because of some hidden/un-repent sin in my life + my faith wasn't strong enough, and I should just keep praying.</p><p>You would think that a church of all places would embrace you in your suffering and loss. These guys (& gals..) just kind of out-casted us like we would bring them bad luck. </p><p>It was a weird time, and after that I found it hard to hang out with any of them or believe most of what they were teaching.</p><p>We went on to have a healthy little girl and found a much less toxic church, but to this day if anyone mentions the prosperity gospel to me I have a lot of things to say.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqn5h6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">kannakantplay</a></p>No Dogs Go To Heaven
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU0MTkwMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjgwMjM4Mn0.AuV3wZdpHdnZSjeGtJK2DWK_hr8pygOYakH_V79ykXE/img.gif?width=980" id="1965e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="48868a6f58dfdb14fca6a48cd28e590a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="245" data-height="138" />don bluth 80s GIFGiphy<p>My wife and I got a dog back before we were married. GREAT dog. Wonderful animal. Very much our first child.</p><p>Fast forward a few years and our sweet girl had to be put to sleep. I was at work and upset about it. I couldn't stop leaking a little just thinking about her. My very Catholic friend told me that, if it was any comfort, dogs don't have souls.</p><p>WTF?</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqvpv5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">edgarpickle</a></p>Panic And Dog Food
<p>I was this person unfortunately. I don't react well with sudden bad news and often say the first thing that comes to my mind out of sheer panic.</p><p>I went to get my hair cut in college and as I sat down the small talk started. She asked how things have been blah blah blah. I asked how she had been (it was our first time meeting) and she says "my dog just died." </p><p>Immediately the alarms are going off in my head, a man is running around my brain blasting a whistle trying to figure out my next step.</p><p>"At least you'll save a ton of money on dog food now."</p><p>No... Please no! </p><p>Unfortunately it was already said, everyone stopped what they were doing immediately, you could hear a pin drop. She just continued cutting my hair for what was the quietest haircut I've ever got. I couldn't even apologize I felt so bad and so awkward. </p><p>I just shut my damn mouth and looked straight ahead while hoping I still had both my ears by the time I left.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqa7go?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OriginsOfSymmetry</a></p>"That's What Drug Addicts Do"
<p>My cousin died of a drug overdose, my father called me to tell me the news. </p><p>After I got off the phone, visibly upset, I told my husband (now ex) what had happened. He said: <br>"Well what did you expect to happen? That's what drug addicts do, they die. And he did it to himself, there is no reason for you to shed a tear, get over it." </p><p>then went back to playing video games. </p><p>I didn't even know what to say to that, and just went to the other room to mourn by myself. It was an abusive situation and I am still in the process of getting divorced 2.5 years later.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l4r2xg/whats_the_worst_way_someone_has_tried_to_comfort/gkqvivj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Lil-one</a></p>How NOT To Treat A Phobia
<p>I used to have a phobia of scarecrows that began when I had a repeating nightmare where I would be chased by one in a dark cornfield. </p><p>A girlfriend I had in high school invited me along on a youth group trip. She didn't tell me much except we were going to a camp the next state over and would be doing things like going to an apple orchard. </p><p>The first full day, we all get on the bus, and she tells me that we were going to a corn maze. She hid this from me as she thought it would help with my phobia given she'd be with me and it was day time... I dumbly agreed and made it through the maze while white-knuckling her hand the whole time. </p><p>When we got out, I asked how much longer we'd be at the maze... that's when she told me about how it turns into a haunted corn maze at night... anyone want to take a guess at what the actors were dressed as...</p>People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
A Platitude Of Pleasing
<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p>Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?
<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p>Being Used
<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p>Hiding The Receipts
<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p>Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO
<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p>How Do You Do This To Someone
<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>Be My Friend And Not Theirs
<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p>Victim Time
<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p>Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies
<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p>Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law
<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p>Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
Regional Laws
<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p>For the Face Plant Image
<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>A Mammal of Few Words
<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p>Baggage
<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p>Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public
<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p>Not Wrong
<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>Watch the News Before Saying This One
<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p>Got a Million of Em
<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p>G-Pa With the Physics Humor
<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p>A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor
<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p>Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***
Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedyto try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?