Friendships can be complicated. Someone who you adored can turn on you pretty quickly, sometimes your other friends or family (or dog - always trust the dog) just don't like a person and you can't figure out why. In a lot of situations the reason is toxicity.
No, not the System of a Down song - although we'll admit that song is a total medolic-metal-magnum-opus style jam. We mean people can secretly be total trash fests and sometimes it takes you way too long to figure it out.
Reddit user Eatmyshegg asked:
When did you realize your friend was toxic?
Real talk, a lot of these are downright horrifying. Read ahead with caution. People are capable of some seriously cringeworthy stuff.
Totally Cool
When he brought his "totally cool" friends over, and then they stole some of my stuff (an iPod and a money clip with some cash) and he defended them.
- ande8523
Cheating Isn't Funny
GiphyShe told me she was cheating on her husband, while laughing about how funny it was that her boyfriend would come over to the house and hang out with her husband and her and their newborn.
After I told her that wasn't cool and we weren't friends anymore, she told everyone that I was sleeping with her husband and an abusive drunk. (No to all)
Happy ending- dad divorced and got full custody, I got new friends.
- AuntGoat
Just A Hoe
"Nah trust me, you don't wanna ask her out, she's just a hoe."
He then proceeded to get with her.
DUFF
Many things but when she refused to come to my wedding because she hadn't had weight loss surgery yet & didn't want to look fat and frumpy on my wedding day... that was the culmination that lead to me severing ties. She used to refer to me as her 'DUFF' - the designated ugly fat friend. Then as we grew up, I slimmed down and grew into my appearance rather nicely and she did the opposite, which infuriated her.
She tried to make up a dozen excuses as to why she couldn't be my maid of honor. She couldn't afford to travel to my wedding, I offered to pay for it all. She couldn't afford the dress, which I also pair for my bridesmaids dresses... then when she went on a very lavish & expensive trip to a resort and posted photos on FB, I called her out. That's when she said she didn't want to go and be in pictures because she was having gastric surgery and my wedding was too soon for her to be hot in my wedding line.
heartbreak.exe
At that point, our other mutual friend melted down and literally listed all the ways my best friend was a frenemy & toxic. Feels bad, man.
Compliments
Back-handed compliments, also comments that she is amazing thinly veiled as a "put-down", almost like fishing for compliments.
I didn't want to hang out with her anymore when I realized I never felt good after spending time with her.
- 114631
Single White Female
She started copying me. Everything about me. It was something straight out of "Single White Female". She started using my frequent phrases, tried to pick up all my hobbies, and started dressing *exactly* like me. The final straw was when she started getting really possessive when I would hang out with people without her and tried to turn me against all my other friends.
We aren't friends anymore, but everyone tells me she's still obsessed with me and talks about how I abandoned her to anyone who will listen. It's been 4 years.
Fake Pregnant
GiphyShe tricked one of my friends that she was pregnant with their child, and used my phone to do it. She used to steal my phone while I was sleeping and text my friend (guy she hooked up with) pretending to be me, saying shit like "omg ____ is throwing up again this morning" and various other pregnancy things to convince the guy. She was not pregnant and 100% knew she wasn't.
Adderall
When they stole my adderall prescription, tried to help me find it (it was stolen during a party we threw) then spent the next few weeks staying up until 8AM playing FIFA like that was something totally normal.
"My Fault if She Died"
When she threatened to hurt herself if I didn't do what she wanted.
She asked me if she could sleep over at my house one night. I told her no, since I had grandparents visiting the next day.
She continued and tried to convince me to let her. She said that if I let her, she would stop cutting - but if I didn't, it would be my fault if she died.
I didn't let her, I "ditched" her the same year. She's still alive to this day. She has a girlfriend and is moving out of town soon.
Suicidal VR Pedophile
When he said "Everybody likes me more than you" for no reason what so ever. I then realized how much he'd been putting me down lately. Especially in the last couple weeks after he had a suicide attempt. I made the call that saved his life and he seems to resent the F*CK out of me for it. He literally spent the entire 2 weeks after his suicide attempt just berating me to anybody who would listen. He attacked my looks, my job, my wife, my friends(his mutual friends), anything. He literally made fun of me for being able to afford a better pc than him, called me a 'job cuck' and told me I'm bad at video games.
This goes further back though. We'd been playing VR chat the last year or so, but unfortunately as the game grew less and less popular with 20 somethings it become more popular with teenagers. Young teenagers. My friend is 30 years old, and he began a relationship with a 16 year old he met on the game. They "dated" for about a month, then when she broke up with him (for him pressuring her to send naked photos) he became insane.
He kept talking about suicide and how everyone plots against him, and I suggest he take a break from VRchat because it wasn't healthy for him. Nope, he does the opposite now. He's cut off every real world friend and spends every waking moment in VRchat being a pedophile and talking to people less than half his age. He's been grooming this 14 year old and I was trying to get his family to intervene with this but they don't believe me that he's doing it.
So when he just told me "Everybody likes me more than you" I just blocked him. Not with out him blowing me up "greifing" me for an hour straight while I fought to block him/delete him on every single platform. Some social media platforms I just had to give up entirely
He didn't used to be like this, but something happened in him and he's gone really hard off the deep end. EXTREME narcissism like I've never seen in a person before. He attempted to manipulate everyone he could against me but I took screen shots of all of it and sent it to the mutual friend group - who is now avoiding him because he made fun of them too.
- Light_PC
The Jacket
First day of high school my "friend" said to me:
"Eww you wearing the same jacket that you did in 8th grade, get a new jacket then talk to me."
Worst part was he was the unofficial leader of our friend group so they all cut me out. I got a new jacket a few days later, but never talked to anyone in the group again. It wasn't a loss.
All About Her
When I realized all of our conversations were about her and her insecurities and when I brought up my own problems she would straight up ignore them.
Being the supportive friend I am she basically used me to feel better about herself. We had been friends for years and this girl looked down on me and never gave a crap about me. This took me a really long time to realize. One time I saw her back after months, felt so drained after hanging out with her and cried when walking home. I knew something was wrong and proceeded to block her on everything. Haven't seen or heard from her since, and I don't miss her and her sh!tty attitude.
Funny thing, she would constantly shit on other people and whine how she never got invited to parties at her dorm. I was the only person who had the patience to put up with her sh!t. Kind of a red flag on it's own.
The Apocalypse
GiphyShe started getting EXTREMELY religious. I have nothing against religion of any kind, but this was just... A crazy kind of religious beliefs. She started speculating about some apocalyptic event, and she spent MONTHS of precious time researching it. It somehow came up in every conversation, and whenever anyone said anything to disprove the event, she would get PISSED. Eventually, I ended up stating my opinion on it, and apparently she decided then and there that I wasn't a good enough friend for her just because I didn't share those religious beliefs.
If that isn't toxic, I don't know what is.
Mood Swings and Mom Friends
I would be dreading what mood she would be in when the class period that we shared arrived.
This girl is either the nicest person in the world or very awful. I always made excuses because I knew her parents were horrible, and as the Mom Friend, I always seem to attract people with shitty parents who were looking for some sort of validation.
She developed a crush on me and tried to break me and my then-girlfriend up, and would treat me like sh!t when I turned her down. So yeah, she was definitely toxic. Still is. I hope that she's doing okay though.
Blackmail
When she literally told me she would blackmail me if I didn't give her my lunch or if I made her look dumb in class.
Flirty Friends
He was an older guy I had a bit of a crush on. And had a girlfriend, yet he encouraged flirting, which was confusing, as before I knew they dated, he would flirt and play-fight with me. We were in martial arts classes together. I was 15, he was 19. After a month or two of flirting, he began asking me more sexual questions, and would text me on Snapchat to say he was horny. The entire time we were "just friends." He would compliment me, backhandedly, and tell me about him and his girlfriends sex life.
At one point, he wanted to hug me and have me grab his butt. I (hesitantly) did, and felt nothing emotionally, or physically, while he later talked about how I turned him on.
Ew. When I turned 16, I started talking to who is now my best friend(16m), and distanced myself from toxic friend, stopped going to the same martial arts classes, and got over that (unhealthy as f*ck) non-relationship.
Almost a year later (I'm now 17) he text me and wants to be friends. I say fine, and we haphazardly text on and off. He's engaged. Good for him! He started flirting with me again, and I cut ties immediately.
His engagement just got called off last week. I wonder who else he was flirting with.
Cheating
When she kept trying to convince me to cheat on my boyfriend of 4 years and ignored me for 3 months when she got a friend with benefits.
- enioy
Why Bother
When I asked her for art tips because she was very good and I was just starting out, she said I'd never be as good as her so why bother anyway.
Atheist
She was very religious. She told me to break up with my atheist boyfriend. When I told her I wouldn't she proceed to tell me I have the devil inside me and that I'm going to hell.
Funny thing is after we stopped being friends, she dated an atheist.
The Leech
GiphyWhen I told him how stressed I was because I'm working four jobs (video production) and he asked if I was going to quit one so he could take it. He's a leech, constantly looking for any opportunity to piggyback off of someone's success without putting forth any effort whatsoever.
- People Reveal The Moment When They First Realized Their Friend ... ›
- People Reveal How They Realized Their Friends Were Toxic ... ›
- People Explain Why They Cut All Ties With Their Group Of Friends - George Takei ›
Redditor _ReDd1T_UsEr wanted to discuss the reasons why many of us decided to cut some people out of our lives, so they asked:
"What was the reason why your friendship ended with someone?"
Sometimes a person just has to go.
Planning Stages
Weekend Sunday GIF by DisneyGiphy"I stopped being the first to always initiate plans, and that was that."
Witty-Surround-6541
"I once asked a friend to plan our next breakfast + walk outing, since I always did that. He wrote me a letter ending the friendship. Stunning!"
fermat9996
Pants on Fire
"Habitual lying became too annoying and disruptive to tolerate."
Hosscatticus_Dad523
"When you constantly are thinking... this math ain't matching lol. People that lie all the time make me sick. I've told multiple friends that you don't have to lie to me."
"I feel so much better when someone can trust me and feel comfortable telling me a hard truth than an easy lie."
"Even if the truth made me feel some type of way, I'm still glad it was honest. I've even said thank you to people in the past that have been honest with me, good or bad! Some people just can not help lying about things. I wouldn't be able to ever keep a story straight if I did that."
__eden_
Bad Behavior
"He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a 'went out for a pack of smokes' Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now."
KingGuy420
"Reminds me of one of my ex-friends. She kept having kids with MULTIPLE guys (all of them were one-night stands), I don't think she even knows who the baby daddies are."
"She also kept begging me and people for money for pot, and she also bragged about having OnlyFans. She'd also make up stories about being in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend (she'd also cheat on him/tell people her and him they broke up, which they weren't)."
wisconsinking
Reasons
"I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same. I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact."
tabletopsidekick
"I’ve been there. I was a bad person and lost friendships and family relationships. I tried to apologize to everyone I hurt."
PDXGalMeow
"I also accepted that they don’t want me in their lives anymore. I learned that I made my mistakes, I learned from them, and I accept their choices. I don’t self-hate anymore and I try to be a better person in general. I hope you are doing well and practicing self-love and forgiveness."
PDXGalMeow
Money Issues
Donald Duck Money GIFGiphy"I lent them $20 and then they avoided me so they didn’t have to pay me back. Worth the $20."
BuickAssault
"I don't ever expect prompt returns of small amounts of money between my friends... we all buy each other rounds or buy the food for the BBQ or whatever. It ends up evening out over time I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too."
Badloss
In the immortal words of Cyndi Lauper... "Money Changes Everything."
Lack of Support
Happy Planning GIFGiphy"She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her 'business.'"
LeftandLeaving9006
Oh Driver
"I was basically a taxi for my friends so I dumped them all."
Bullfrog_Little
"This one I can understand but depends on the situation. Not all of my friends had cars in high school, so our group needed to have me and my sh*tty '94 Plymouth Sundance come, or they couldn't do anything. I didn't mind at all then, but I definitely would these days."
Hoopajoops
"I remember I used to drive around with my buddies all the time before they had licenses. When one of my friends got his and a car I said sweet now you can drive me around for a bit, he replied that he wasn't gonna waste his money on gas like that. See ya, haven't really spoken to him since."
DontcallmeShirley_82
2063
"How's this for oddly specific: Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years."
"Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket."
"Maybe he'll call me in 2063."
The68Guns
Exhausting
"She was a taker, constantly. When I needed something she made it about her yet again. Exhausting to be around."
LordyIHopeThereIsPie
"I'm going through this right now. Can't tell you how many texts I have from her in the past few days telling me that I need to get over myself, need to stop making myself the victim, have been a terrible friend, have never been there for her."
"She's the most narcissistic person I know and everyone does everything for her. She has one of the easiest lives ever and anytime anything bad happens to her she believes that everyone is against her and she's the victim here. It's pure insanity. There is no talking sense to people like this."
cheeseburgerwaffles
Life Changes
point pointing GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy"I've lost like all but two of my 'friends' because I stopped drinking and doing hard drugs."
ConcertTerrible8877
"Same here dude. My circle is small but hey at least it's a circle I know I can go to."
Miss_mayonnaise
Oh, how things change when the booze dries up.
How much fun were you really having?
Do you have any stories about cutting off a friend? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear from ex-lovers who've been there, Redditor Lishasquarepant asked:
"What caused your last break-up?"
These Redditors found they and their significant other were no longer on the same page.
"Simply, we grew apart."
– catetheway
"Same, I feel like Michael Scott everytime I try to start another relationship. 'No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.'"
– Gthew
Happier Apart
"Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses... Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart."
– MoxieHasKnottyBits
No Regrets
"Same. And it f'king sucks, but that’s life. It’s been a year and I still hate every second that she’s not in my life, but at the same time I know she’s happier now than she would’ve been if we stayed together."
– throway35885328
Having no communication is the worst part.
Silent Partner
"He slowly got distant. I believe he lost interest and didn't dare be honest with me about that."
– GaiaNatur77
The Late Blame Game
"I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough."
"My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being 'my fault.'"
– Billielolly
"Everything Is Fine"
"Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a 'nothing' reminds me of a story."
"My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. He’d always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird."
"So she did."
"Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didn’t care about his feelings anymore."
"Like…don’t ask for sh*t then get pissy when you get what you want."
– TheRealJackReynolds
And then there are those who were not invested in the relationship for a long time.
The Struggle Is Real
"He seemed to struggle with the concept of not f'king random people."
– spanglesandbambi
Leaving The Problem
"He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage."
– kattia12
New Life
"Something similar happened to my cousin. He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him 🤦🏻♀️ He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasn’t came back."
– MysticalMom7
A Foreign Custom
"It just seems so surreal that a grown a** adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality."
– ro0ibos2
Ouch
"I wasn't having sex near as often as she was."
– YourWordsMatter
Breaking up is hard to do.
But a good thing to remember is that love can be found again and the new relationship can be even better than the previous one.
And that's something that can't be recognized until you look back in retrospect.
We all have to kiss a few toads.