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People Share The Best Ways To Mess With A Telemarketer

People Share The Best Ways To Mess With A Telemarketer
MashiroMomo/Pixabay

Nobody likes dealing with telemarketers, even the ones calling from legitimate businesses. The last thing most of us want is to be interrupted during our favorite TV show just to hear about a great new insurance policy. Even worse are the scammers who are calling from "Microsoft" because "Your computer has a virus!"


In search of ways to deal with these callers, Reddit user u/conno85 asked:

"What is a clever way to tell telemarketers to f*ck off?"

20.

Have your own sales pitch ready.

"Hey, you know what? I'm glad you called so we can share this time together. Speaking of sharing time, have you heard of a timeshare?"

-UsuallyNever

I usually hit them with a pyramid scheme. They offer their stuff and im like, "Definitely interested, while I have you on the line, let me tell you about a great selection of Herbalife Products that are available for purchase"

-glazed-_-donut

19.

If you have access to a toddler, give the phone to the toddler and tell them that the nice person on the phone wants to hear all about their day.

-Screaming_Possum_Ian

The counter-tactic is to pitch your product to the kid. Guaranteed sale if you can get him to bug his parent about it for the next month.

-generic_account_naem

18.

My dad once got a call from a clearly scammy dental insurance company. He just yelled in the most twangy voice possible "I ain't got no teeth!" They immediately hung up.

-Goodeyesniper98

I had like, a college debt consolidator call me (something like that, anyway). "Oh, yeah! I totally have student debt!", I said. They asked me how much, i told them $152.37, and they hung up and never called back.

-random_side_note

17.

My mom answers the phone, "sheriff's department, fraud division."

Immediate dial tone on the other end.

-ThePlayfulPython

Just had the thought, "FCC, how may I direct your call?"

-AngryZen_Ingress

"Thank you for calling the FBI! Please listen closely, as our options have changed. To turn yourself in, please press one. To confess to crime, please press two."

-n3rdopolis

16.

I tell them to hang on a second. I'll hit redial on the last telemarketer I got and add them to the call. Then I just hang up and let the two of them try to sell stuff to each other for the next minute.

-codered434

15.

When they ask me if I want to hear about their product I say "Sure, but first let me tell you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ."

-_harryhood_

14.

I ask them to hang on for a sec and I then just put the phone down. They hang up after a minute or so.

-openletter8

Depending on the call center, they may prefer that. Gives us a few seconds to breath and relax.

-chrisq518

I figure it puts the pressure/call on them. They can hang up when they see fit.

-openletter8

13.

As a former telemarketer, just hang up the phone.

We hate it as much as you do. It's impossible to be a telemarketer without hating your life.

EDIT should add that some telemarketing people will call you again in a few days anyway, so make sure to say "don't call me again" and they should take you off the call list

-theslader

The definite exception is the "Microsoft Internet Support" type calls. They deserve every bit of time wasting you can give them.

-LiveRealNow

12.

Telemarketers generally have KPIs consisting of three things, dials, contacts and closes (sometimes follow-ups).

They hate the job just as much as you do, the best thing to do for honest telemarketers (distinct from call centers operating as a front for a scam disguised as a legal business) is to say "Sorry, no opportunity here, no reason to follow up." and hang up as soon as possible. Then you can get on your life and they can get onto their next dial and you add less toxicity into the world.

Alternatively, tell them your Michael Dorn and do your best Worf impersonation.

-NothingButFlowers_

11.

If it's a scam call, I always ask them what they tell their parents they do for a living.

"Do your parents know you steal money from old ladies for a living?"

"Are your parents proud of you for being a thief?"

-kitskill

10.

Answer the call with "Hello caller, you're on the air!" elee0228

"Hello and good morning, you are live on the air at radio 98.4 theee Weaaasel!" MrBananaStorm

9.

I use this regularly and it works everytime:

Ring ring...

Me: hello?

TM: hello, this is so and so with xyz, I'm looking for mr. X.

Me: Oh sure, he's taking a crap right now, hold on I'll pass the phone to him.

Usually at this point they hang up... if they don't, I proceed in talking to them with intermittent aggressive grunting.... by this point they 100% hang up. nwrcj90

8.

I'd give the signal, my son would start screaming, and I'd say "sorry, my son is on fire." and hang up. MadWhiskeyGrin

7.

I always tell them that this is a business line, and then politely ask them to put this line on the do not call list. Usually, people say no problem and hang up. Once in a while I get an a**. I then ask for the supervisor. Then they hang up.

However, when I was getting the "Apple Support" scam numbers literally every half-hour, I finally hit the button and got a real person. I told them I had no Apple products and I knew this was a scam all, what would it take to get them to leave me alone. The woman (you could hear the boiler operation in the background) said $100. No way that was going to happen.

So, the next time, I went through until I got a human being. I spoke very quietly, telling them I was worried about my computer. The guy asked me to speak up several times. When I was sure they had turned up their volume, I blasted them with my basketball referee whistle. I did that twice. Calls stopped. delnorteduck

6.

I usually pretend that I'm an old man rambling in Spanish and arguing with his wife. Need_Coffee79

My guy is usually Japanese or French. I don't know those languages, I just make up words that sound like they are in those languages and mix in some confusing English statements. mschwartz33

5.

I tell them to hang on a second. I'll hit redial on the last telemarketer I got and add them to the call. Then I just hang up and let the two of them try to sell stuff to each other for the next minute. codered434

4.

i often get calls like WE HEARD YOU WERE IN A CAR ACCIDENT THAT WASN'T YOUR FAULT so i like to waste their time and tell them a really detailed story about how i was drink driving and I crashed while the police were chasing me and it wasn't my fault because the police shouldn't have been speeding and my wife and kids are dead now and i want compensation because i cant drink drive anymore. kill_the_wasps

3.

I always "sell" what ever they are selling for a living.. need duct cleaned? oh i own a duct cleaning business.. need your lawn care.. i own a landscaping company... water filter... oh i own a water store.. shuts them up.. not rude.. not long.. done. rackem222

2.

I usually try to say something that would bewilder them. Same goes for people on the street... For example:

Them: Can I interest you in the chance to win £500? Me: Oh, nah. I've got loads of money.

Them: Are you against animal cruelty? Me: No.

... In saying that, those were the only two times I came up with something fast enough. ana1ytics

1.

My favorite way is the way Jerry Seinfeld did it in one episode.

T: "Hello I was wanting to see if you're interested in purchasing (blank)?"

J: "Yeah that sounds great, but I'm actually really busy at the moment. Can I get your name and home phone number and I can call you later tonight?"

T: "Sir we can't do that."

J: "Why not? You don't want random people calling you all day?"

T: "Well, no."

J: "Well now you know how I feel."

Hang up! drewisawesome14

Things Poor People Loved Until The Rich Ruined Them For Everyone

Reddit user degreeofvariation asked: 'What was loved by poor people until rich people ruined it?'

fan of 100 U.S. dollar banknotes

Alexander Mils on Unsplash

They say money can't buy happiness, but it seems it can make a lot of other people miserable.

Whether it's the housing crisis or the high cost of living, people are pointing at the 1% to accuse them of ruining things for the 99% in a multitude of ways.

Keep reading...Show less

As consumers, we all know that we're going to buy something at some point that doesn't turn out to be as pretty or be as functional and reliable as the advertisements, supposed testimonials, and commercials lead us to think they will be.

But some products prove to be such a letdown, we might even wonder what this thing was made for in the first place, or who bothered to approve its production.

Redditor Stay-Thirsty asked:

"What product was so poorly designed that you suspect the team that made it never even used the product?"

The Seal on the Baby Wipes

"Baby wipes."

"Hey, you know when a good time to struggle with opening a package that says it has perforations but really doesn't? When you're dealing with poop."

"You want one? Here's a chunk of 20."

"You want a bunch? Here's a tiny ripped corner."

"You have 10 left on a trip and need to conserve? Too bad motherf**ker, here's the rest of the pack. Get your tired a** to CVS."

- Miklay83

Hard-to-Navigate Intersections

"Some road intersections make me wonder if the engineers have actually ever driven a vehicle."

- imdstuf

Not as Easy as Making Mac and Cheese

"The perforated corner of a Kraft Mac and cheese box."

- thebeast1022

"I want to start a guerrilla journalism YouTube that ambushes CEOs and makes them open one of their company’s products, and then asks them, 'Is that the first impression you want your company to make?'"

- Ferrous_Patella

Scheduling in Laundry

"The Bluetooth app connectivity for my washing machine (I didn't really want that feature, but it was a last-minute substitution)."

"If the wash cycle takes longer than the initial estimate, the start time changes rather than the time remaining estimate, so it's never clear how much longer the cycle needs to go."

"Now, I just don't bother with the app."

- dragon2611

Just Trying to Do the Laundry

"My clothes dryer. It has touch controls that are designed in such a way that you pretty much have to guess what you're supposed to touch (nothing visibly looks like a button), and when turned on has an inexplicable 10-or-more-second delay before the touch controls work."

"So then you have to basically poke it all over the place without even knowing if it's the right place to poke or if you simply need to wait for nothing to happen. I mean, that's what I think, at least, but can't be sure since there seriously is no visual indication of anything."

"There's also a numerical display which I assumed was related to the time left until it's done, but I've been using it for almost two years now and I still have no clue what those numbers are meant to indicate. They certainly don't correlate with any time units I'm aware of."

- malsomnus

Feminine Hygiene, Galling Design

"Sanitary pads."

"Especially ones advertised as 'zero bunching,' they most certainly do bunch up! They will go straight up your bum crack. They can only have been designed by someone who doesn't use them to have made that claim."

- ArcadiaRivea

"They’re also so short and not wide enough and never stay. If I wear one and I’m planning to sit, I have to layer two lengthwise and make sure both have wings to fold over the underside. And even then it will somehow shift by one millimeter giving the blood a direct escape route."

- 0techsavvy

No Commitment to Their Own Product

"I’m reminded of this book, 'Disrupted,' I once read by a former tech reporter who claims most of the industry is bulls**t."

"In one of the chapters, he talked about going to the Google headquarters for an event shortly after Google Glass came out. The event was centered around the product and lots of attendees were wearing their pair, but the author noted that not a single Google employee who was hosting the event was wearing Google Glass."

"That’s when he said he knew the product was doomed."

- srstone71

So Appropriate

"All iterations of Skype after Microsoft bought it."

- JoeS830

"Skype for Business."

"Never has a product been less appropriate or ready for business use."

- suivethefirst

Wheelchair Accessibility

"My mom's had three wheelchairs."

"They all suck. The brake lever mechanism invariably interferes with the footrests. On her current one, the brake lever mechanism is curved, so it's pretty good. I think it could still be better."

"I'm surprised they're not better. I definitely feel like given my experience I could design a much better wheelchair than anything on the market under $1,000.00."

- stevejust

Searching for Movies

"Streaming services search engines? You can literally have 10k to 50k things to watch, but there is absolutely no way to do an in-depth search."

"It doesn’t have to be through a mobile app, maybe an online connection through a website. But if I want to find a show that was running in the late 90s and I know it was science fiction, why can’t I do that?"

"So much content I might want to watch but can’t find it."

- Stay-Thirsty

"I can actually answer this one. They don't want you to watch all those old shows you love. They want you to watch one of the hundred new shows in the 'trending now' section that makes them the most money and best supports their interests."

- bird_man_73

Something as Simple as a Trash Can

"My kitchen trash can. It is one sold by Glad specifically for their bigger, extra-strong 20-gallon trash bags. It is not particularly cheap."

"It looks good, but the design of it is what you might expect if you told aliens what a trash can is and they designed one without ever seeing it. How it holds the bag basically causes you to lose four gallons of capacity and have to risk tearing the bag or spilling its contents every time you go to remove it."

"It also has a trash bag holder that is so narrow, you have to feed it trash bags one at a time, completely defeating the point. And if you try to compact the trash a bit, you're almost guaranteed to tear the 'tear-resistant' bag."

"Such a poor design."

- samanime

False Sense of Safety

"My new iron. Has a restart if you tip it over after it’s timed out. So if you accidentally leave it plugged in and it gets knocked over by accident (pet or child bumps the board, the wind knocks something over knocking the iron over) it starts up while face down."

- tangcameo

"That literally defeats the entire purpose of the time-out safety feature..."

- DrSchmolls

"It's a time-in unsafety feature."

- hockey_metal_signal

Needlessly Complicated Software

"Software drivers for basically any HP printer made in the last three decades."

- ThadisJones

"Holy crap, YES! I work in IT and I hate how bloated those stupid drivers are. No, I don't want 'HP Device Experience' or whatever the h**l that is, and I don't want to have to download a 300MB bloated pile of steaming crap when all I need is for Joe Q. Employee to send documents through to the printer on his desk."

"God, I miss the days of those LaserJet 2500s with their universal PCL drivers. So simple. And those were like the Volvo 240 of printers. Freaking TANKS."

- marcfonline

Excellent Waterproofing

"I just bought a waterproof cargo bag for the roof of my car that was fairly expensive."

"The Velcro that keeps the zipper protected was just GLUED ON, not stitched and sealed."

"The very first time I opened the bag all the Velcro came off because the attraction to itself was stronger than the adhesive bond to the vinyl bag."

"It’s like there was absolutely zero product testing, but I’m sure it was 5 cents cheaper to make it glued rather than stitched. How could something like this have ever been allowed to leave the factory?"

- Dustmopper

More Testing Time

"My vacuum cleaner. The hose is mounted at a downward angle and it's impossible to pull it along as you go; it keeps going to the side or even flipping over instead."

"It takes one minute of use to notice this, but I guess they only tested it for 30 seconds."

- DaoNight23

We've all experienced a flop of a product from time to time that was supposed to be really good, but some are so bad, we have to wonder how they were approved in the first place.

It's clear why these Redditors were so upset by the products they shared. From impractical use to unreliability, there's no wonder these consumers were questioning the product's quality check.

Customer at a buffet
Ulysse Pointcheval/Reddit

Diners have their favorite restaurants to go to when they don't feel like preparing dinner at home after a long day at work.

There's something comforting about hitting your go-to dining establishment and greeting familiar faces and favorite entrees.

And while customers are quick to rave about and recommend the restaurants to friends and family, they can be just as passionate about the places they avoid like the plague for various reasons.

Curious to hear about these nightmare establishments, Redditor PuzzleheadedFix8972 asked:

"What restaurants do you refuse to go to and why?"

For most Redditors, buffets are a no-go.

A Customer's Touch

"Golden Corral. Walked into one once in Florida. A small kid walking past the food bar was putting his hand in every tray he passed. Out we go."

– Ardothbey

"I am mildly surprised Golden Corral wasn't a victim of the pandemic. Like who on earth would eat there from March 2020 on?"

– Robbylution

The Buffet Worker

"I knew a girl who worked at a buffet. On busy days they would have an employee hover looking for gross people. People using the serving spoon to take a little taste to see if they like it, grab food try it and don't like it and put it back, fingers in pudding all kinds of nasty sh*t. I don't eat at them anymore."

– Yaniji1923

Pro Tip

"Go right when they first open. Actually, show up before they open and be the first one in, that’s about as close to safe as you can be."

– YoghurtSnodgrass

Chain restaurants are not any better according to these folks.

Boo To Applebee's

"Applebee’s - was a fry cook there."

– Jfonzy

"Was a server there. What a temple to mediocrity."

– budda_belly

"Applebee's - when I'm too lazy to use my own microwave."

– FlattenInnertube

Fallen Quality

"Panera Bread, extremely overpriced, bland food."

– wyoflyboy68

"Thing is it used to be really good. Then they got bought by a VC and did a speed run into serving the cheapest, food-like meals ever to squeeze as much margin as possible out of the place."

"It’s like that scene in The Founder when his future wife convinced Ray Kroc to sell powdered milkshakes instead of the real deal. The VC that bought Panera did that with the entire menu."

– Doctor_Kat

People Don't Go For The Food

"Hooters. Waiting 45 minutes for a hamburger and baked beans and then immediately having diarrhea doesn't do anything for me."

– bravesgeek

"It's because they put all of their effort into the gimmick of "HoT wOmAn!!!" instead of serving actually good food."

– AverageFurryFemboy

Fake Italian

"Olive Garden."

"They know why."

– liltrixxy

"My friend’s mom is a little old lady from Sicily and her favorite restaurant is Olive Garden."

"Totally not joking."

– YinzaJagoff

"Because it's a loud place were everytime you clean your plate someone comes out and puts more on it just like any Italian dinner."

– Zkenny13

"They All Suck"

"Noodle & Company and Chili’s I honestly don’t know what I am supposed to order in either of these restaurants. They got so many things and they all suck."

"Oh and Pizza Hut because their pizza sucks."

– Soup_and_Rice

It can't get any worse than some fast food joints.

Do They Do Chicken Right?

"KFC. I dont know why but I get sick an hour later every time."

"Churches doesn't do this."

"Popeyes doesn't do this."

– Wolfman01a

"I went to KFC once and i took ONE bite of the chicken and literal blood was coming out. Ordered another one. SAME THING. Ordered another one! Guess what.. SAME THING. Never going to KFC ever again."

– Reddit

Bad Reputations

"Subway - because of food poisoning & there are better sub places in our town."

"Golden Corral - food has always been subpar & I always felt sick after leaving…and not due to overeating."

– amyria

"This is also my two for the same reasons. I got food poisoned by subway twice in a row 20 years ago. Never been back, never will be back."

"Golden corral is so bad. I won't go for any reason. Not even because old great uncle whoever wants to see all the relatives and I'll make him sad if I don't come and get free food. If I wanted to serve people food of that low quality, I could just go to Sam's club and hit the freezer isle. Most of their items are the same processed heat and serve junk."

– Illogical-logical

Have It Your Way

"Will pass on BK. It's always been the participation trophy of fast food."

"Wendy's has gone downhill severely, especially the wait times (I might be overly critical because I worked there one summer)."

– zoinks690

Panda Express used to be my favorite default mall food court choice.

Until I got sick from their beef broccoli once and felt bloated for hours. I realized that with age, my body wasn't able to break down everything I was consuming there.

As a teenage patron everything there used to be so flavorful.

But then my tastes changed after I found out why eating there is the worst thing for your body.

Their highly-caloric dishes are also known to be extremely high in sodium, which if eaten frequently can lead to all sorts of health issues–including obesity and heart disease.

Buh-bye, P.E.

Silhouette of a man anda woman having an argument
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Having a best friend doesn't always mean we see eye to eye with them.

Indeed, every now and again we find ourselves having a possibly fundamental difference with them.

Sometimes, we can let these differences and disagreements go with a deep breath, other times, letting things slide isn't so easy.

In the most extreme cases, it could even lead to the first person we call when we're feeling down being cut from our life completely.

Redditor No_Dependent4663 was curious to hear from people who cut ties with their best friend, and what led them to do it, asking:

"People who fell out with their best/close friend, what killed it?"

Wasn't There When They Needed Them...

"Friends for 20 years."

"Helped her with rides, money, cloths ect."

"The first time I asked her for anything was after my husband had brain surgery and needed meds the local pharmacy didn't have."

"I couldn't leave him alone and could not take him with me so I asked her to watch him for an hour."

"She said no she wanted to go to the store with her bf."

"I never talked to her again."

"And thank goodness she didn't have the balls to show up to my husband's funeral."- softshoulder313

Ignoring The Warnings...

"Well it ended but was repaired."

"She got into a relationship with a walking red flag, and I told her as much."

"Things kept getting worse with him until I wasn’t able to watch it anymore."

"Then he convinced her that I was the toxic one and trying to control her so she didn’t want to be friends anymore."

"I said I respected her decision to choose him over me, but please don’t delete my number and to call me when it came time to run."

"She did and she’s out, learned from it, and we’re friends again."- Successful-Snow-562

...Goes Both Ways

"She warned me about my fiancé at the time, now ex-wife, and I didn't listen to her."

"My fiancé didn't like that and told me to pick her or my friend."

"I picked my fiancé and then she eventually cheated on me multiple times including while we had an infant at home."

"Never been more wrong in my life."- thegodfaubel

Ink On Their Face...

"I worked with them."

"They were very lazy and constantly started drama between myself and our coworkers."

"Lost pretty much all the respect I had for them."- AmericanTitan07

Who Knows?

"Nothing at all, and that is the saddest part."

"No big fight, no disagreement, no nothing."

"One day they met their now spouse and suddenly that was it."

"Since then radio silence."- Showfina

"I have no idea, but she stopped responding to texts or reaching out."- wei-ohara

Sensing A Spouse/Partner Theme...

"Best friends for 12 years."

"She was a complete bridezilla."

'Long story short, I was maid of honor and was expected to pay for multiple showers, ended up paying for part of her dress, and was asked to plan/pay for the entire bachelorette trip."

"I was in the process of building a house so I said no to the parties and trip (paying not planning/attending) and was swiftly booted from the wedding."

"Funny part was, the guy had been cheating on her and she knew and told me she was gonna leave him."

"She didn’t."

"She cheated on him back."

"He found out while I was with them, they broke up."

"Couple weeks later I got a call they were engaged."

"So bizarre."- accomplishedswan44

Were They Ever A Friend?

"Realizing that he was a shit friend who saw me as lesser than him, and he used that as justification to try and completely control my life."- yeetgodmcnechass

Lack Of Quid Pro Quo

"I cared more about the relationship than she did."

"I’m not gonna beg anyone to be my friend."- Superkittymeowmeow

Making Life A Competition

"My son was delayed."

"Hers was not."

"Her son was roughly a year younger and there were constant snide comments about how much sooner her son hit milestones than mine did."

"I gave her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she didn't mean it the way it came across and I was just touchy."

"And then she called my 2 year old stupid because he was mostly nonverbal."

"She got told to f*ck off."- TransportationOk4914

Absence Did Not Make The Heart Grow Fonder...

"They moved and stopped putting any effort into the relationship whatsoever."

"I offered to go there, I offered to fly them here (they hadn’t secured work yet) and they never made time."

"They never reached out."

"When I finally wrote and said it seemed apparent they’d lost interest in the relationship and I respected that but needed to move on rather than wait indefinitely, they refused to acknowledge anything had changed, and told me I sounded crazy."

"I asked why I hadn’t heard from them or seen them in a year and a half."

"No response."

"Reality is subjective, as they say."- testcase_sincere

Couldn't Meet Their Standards...

"She literally turned into her mother, only caring about appearances."

"At 23."

"I couldn’t take the judgment anymore."- Obi1NotWan

Wanted To Be More Than Friends

"We were best friends in high school."

"I moved in with him in 2015 because I needed a place to stay, and his father offered to let me rent out a spare bedroom for super cheap."

"Within five months, my friend made a romantic/sexual pass at me."

"I was not interested."

"I left that night and have never looked back."- allycatraz

They say to err is human, to forgive is divine.

But sometimes, the only way to forgive someone who hurt or betrayed you more than you thought was possible, is to let go, and move on.