Sexism against women is being held up to a microscope of popular scrutiny, with many well justified cases being brought to the public eye. People are reexamining preconceived thoughts about how women are treated in their own lives and the media, and justifiably so, however it's important to not forget men can be subject to sexist treatment as well.
Note, the following stories are not speaking in favor of those "meninists" trolls who linger around Twitter a little too much, instead, they hope to shed some well-deserved light on a few more examples of how we take advantage of our supposed gender roles.
Reddit user, u/Jgradders, wanted a peek at the other side when they asked:
Going Too Far In The Other Direction
A teacher told me that she would have given me an A grade for the year if I wasn't male as she only awarded A grades to girls as they had fewer academic advantages. I think she may have had a few issues.
If that were to get out, she would be fired. At least I hope so.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it to anyone before. I just accepted it at the time. Mind you, the school had bigger corruption problems going on what with several other teachers including the headmaster running a private business out of the school using the school's funds. That came out a few years after I left. Scandals are fun!
It Automatically Has To Be Your Fault
My girlfriend broke up with me recently and she was crying in the bathroom. The first words.our of people who I thought were my friends mouths is "What did you do?!"
Not Strong Enough
I'm the opposite of buff, but my dad gets angry at me when I can't lift this or that. Or when my parents expect me to get a girlfriend while they forbid my older sister to have a boyfriend. Talk about double standards
Zero Sympathy Down The Line
"You probably did something to deserve it"
A comment I got in the hospital having a deep cut in my face taken care of.
A comment I got when I tried to press charges.
A comment I often get when I tell people I got my scar when my then GF fist punched me with key between her fingers.
Judgement From The Unseen Force
I am quite a helpful person. Like helping strangers/tourist find their right way, or at least asking if I can help people that look like they could use help.
Sometimes even drunk, passed out people to make sure that they are not actually unconscious and in need of medical attention.
But every time I see kids who might need I don't really know what to do and usually just walk away because I am afraid to been seen as kidnapper or preditor when in fact I just try to help. I don't even stop and watch long to make sure that their parents are near, cause this already might raise eyebrows.
Feeling this societal judgement already just because I am a man without doing actually anything is really uncomfortable.
What You Think Is Probably Correct
I tried to find a job as a babysitter a few years ago when I was a broke student with a lot of spare time, I applied to a lot of job offers from parents looking for someone to take care of their children in my city and never got a single call, even though I have a youth work certificate and several professional experiences with children.
I'm not sure about that, but I think it's mainly because I'm not a woman.
Completely Missed The Mark. Literally.
I feel like most men in the U.S. have had at least one aggressively feminist English teacher. Mine gave me a C on everything and I generally did really well on writing assignments.
One of my buddy's literally wrote, in the middle of his final paper "Ms. _____ is a sh-t teacher who is sexist and isn't even going to read this."
He got a C. She didn't read the paper.
No Respect For The Wait Staff
I worked as a bartender for a catering company and 90% of drunk women (and a lot of men too) in large events would eventually treat me as a low end prostitute.
"I'll give you $50 bucks to come back home with me."
The more annoying thing is there was polite way to turn 'em down risking not getting paid. You just had to stay there and smile and politely say no everytime they come for a re-fill.
Right. Sure. It's For NO Other Reason.
A few years ago I started working at this toy company that's super popular in the Pacific Northwest. I started out at their warehouse as an order puller, and a month later I got promoted to shipping from working hard. There was this one girl there who was always super nice, but she just could not work and talk at the same time and would often goof off and talk with her peers all day.
The first day I started shipping, she told me I got that promotion because I'm a straight white male and I need to be aware of my "straight white male privilege ".
I told my boss about this and she wouldn't do a thing, my coworker did nothing wrong apparently.
My 7th grade teacher said that you can't be sexist towards a man because they have always had power so "you can't be sexist towards them". Not only did most of the female (and some male) classmates believe her but she said the same thing about white people and racism, she was white
Seeing What They Want To See
My girlfriend (at the time) repeatedly hit me, scratched me, ripped my shirt, and ripped the rear view mirror off my car while I was driving.
I drove her to her mother's while this was happening. When we got there, she refused to get out. Me and her younger sister (who came out after we got there) both had to physically pull her out of the car. She kept trying to get back in. I finally got her out and locked the doors and drove away.
When I got on the highway, 3 cop cars were waiting for me. They charged me with assault, despite the fact that I was visibly battered with red marks, scratches and a ripped shirt, and the inside of my car was trashed. Their justification: her face was red. Yeah her face was red, she was having a mental breakdown and crying non stop because I told her I was leaving her.
700 dollars lost because they towed my car. I was also in the middle of applying for RCMP training at this time, had nearly aced the aptitude test, but couldn't continue because of the pending charge. I also missed out on another job that I knew I was going to get when the criminal record check came back with the (dismissed) assault charge.
TLDR: Girlfriend beat me up, I got charged with assault, lost 700 dollars and missed out on two career opportunities.
LPT: In Canada, if you're charged with something, even if it's dismissed or dropped and you're not convicted, the charge will still show up on a deep criminal background check. After a certain period (I think six months), you can call the court house and tell them you want your record purged to remove these charges for free.
Edit, for clarification on how this is sexist: My girlfriend didn't press charges, the police did. Someone in the car behind us saw 'a struggle' and phoned it in.
Sexism on the police's part.
"All because 'kids need a mom.'"
Not me but my dad had an extremely hard time getting full custody of me and my little sister despite my mom having no place to live, no job, addicted to drugs, and abused us.
All because "kids need a mom."
Size Doesn't Matter
Being assaulted and laughed at...
Time to tell my story.
I'm 6'4", 240 pounds and used to work as a bouncer. I tried my best not to be aggressive or anything because I know sometimes alcohol leads people into making stupid decisions. So I'd always approach everyone in a very polite, non threatening way. Usually that worked because it used to de escalate things and all.
One night, this group of girls were starting to create trouble at the club I used to work. When I came to know what was going on and possibly calm things down like I'd ways do, one small intoxicated girl jumped me. She was insane. Screaming, cussing, being loud and racist (I'm Latino, she was white).
I tried to calm her down but since that wasn't working, I told her I was gonna escort her out. I reached for my radio and called for back up (she was with a big group, 7-10 girls).
Out of nowhere, she started to barate me, trying to scratch my eyes (slashing my neck in the process), trying to kick me in the groin.
Other bouncers came and took her off of me. Manager finally showed up. Police was called.
When they arrived and collect statements, I came over to them saying I wanted to press changes due to the fact I was bleeding profusely in the neck and hands, they laughed at me said they "won't waste their time", "nothing will come out of it"
The girls were let go by the police and went their way laughing at me. I went over to my manager, complaining he was suppose to help us or something. His response? "man up, clean myself up and get back to work".
I did clean myself up, patched my injuries and quit on the spot.
When Gender Takes Priority Over Safety
I have very little access to my kid even though their mother is a drug addict and uses them as a weapon in arguments. I have shown proof of this many times about how unstable she is. But since she is the mother she has 'god given rights' to them. Very sad
Blatantly Putting It On Display
Odd one, I don't think it is considered sexism but, my male principal has made it very clear that he dislikes only the men at my school. So myself, along with the other 4 or 5 male teachers out of about 32 staff members get awful evaluation scores and he bullsh-ts his reasoning why. We think he just wants to pretend to be top dog.
Makes it even sadder when even the female staff say things like "I can do whatever I want since he likes me".
No One Said Anything
When i was abused publicly in a mall by my girlfriend (now ex) no one did anything. I bet if it was the other way around, people would have thrown themselves on me
A Mom That Just Wouldn't Get It
I am a social worker so I do a lot of home visits for the children I work with. I had a single mom that was obsessed with me. It started out as just inappropriate comments which I kind of brushed off but then it started getting extremely sexual in nature like telling me she could f-ck better then my wife, telling me how good she is at giving head etc. I tried to explain to her that I am only in her home for professional reasons and its extremely inappropriate.
Told my boss and he didn't seem to care and told me to "man up and just deal with it" it got worse and she started sending me pictures of her tits and I took that to my boss and told him I no longer wanted that family on my case load due to sexual harrassment. His reply was "stop being a b-tch" I went to HR that day and my boss was let go a week later.
EDIT: I'd also like the add that isn't that uncommon in my field, but it usually never gets this out of control. I work with a lot of single mothers and they see a man come into their home and work and play with their child and they see you as a savior of some sorts, or like the missing link to having a "normal" family. I've gotten a lot of late night drunk calls/texts which I will usually respond with "if your child is not in crisis please do not contact me during these hours" after I communicate that they almost always stop.
When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.
But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.
More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapesGiphy
You know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2Thinking Reaction GIF by ABC TV + IVIEWGiphy
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulzWhy Didnt I Think Of That Cillian Murphy GIFGiphy
An endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.
Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.
One Redditor was curious to hear people's examples of this saying coming to light, either from a personal experience or seeing it happen to a well-known, public figure, leading them to ask:
"Who is your example of 'you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain'?"
"He originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular."
"Was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black ward."
"When the doctors found out, they tried to move him, but he refused."
"Then he became a cult leader and used his power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people."- Crvsby
Earning a position of power
"Working in restaurant kitchens."
"You either burn out young, or become the boss that everyone hates."
"There's exceptions, but that's the rule."- grandpas_old_crow
"Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver."
"Made up a bunch of untested uses for it, treating people having asthma attacks, and drowning victims were the two I remember that he publicly talked up."
"Later, he funded an experiment that involved injecting people with Malaria to see if it would treat other conditions.
"The experiment was found to be unethical by American review boards, so he conducted them in Ethiopia." - User Deleted
"In WW1 he led the French to victory at Verdun, one of the worst battles in human history."
"In WW2, after France was beaten, Petain was the head of state of Vichy France."
"Guy went from the Lion of Verdun to the biggest Nazi collaborator in France."- arthuranymoredonuts
"Every organ until it gets cancer."- SuperBaconjam
"He had the whole country behind him here in Ireland at one point bar people who thought combat sport is grotesque."
"He was witty, original, backing himself up and having a Hollywood like rise to stardom."
"Now he's someone who the whole country is ashamed of, goes punching old men, clearly sleeps around on his wife while she's at home with the kids, just a walking caricature of himself."
"He didn't listen to his own advice."
"Get out."- StephenPigot2020
Turning into our parents
"My dad used to annoy me by calling my Pokemon cards 'Pokey-Mans'."
"Now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh*t out of them."
"Thanks for the (Pokeyman) gold!"- rumpel4skinOU
"Almost died during the revolutionary way, if I recall correctly, and if he had he would have been remembered a huge hero, and a martyr."
"Instead he lived and changed sides, and is remembered only for his being a traitor."- uniqueperson22
Be it someone we knew quite intimately, or someone we admired from a far, it is always heartbreaking to see someone evolve from someone we love, to someone we utterly hate.
Sometimes we do things that have to be done.
And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.
What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.
We may still technically be in the right.
But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.
But still, many people don't care.
Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.
"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"
I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...
"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."
"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."
"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."
"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."
"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."
"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."
"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."
"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."
"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."
That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."
"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."
"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."
"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."
"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."
Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.