Dating can be one heck of a fiasco, especially these days, in the time of COVID. Everybody is looking for something different and nobody seems to be on the same page.
Now there are two sides to every story but today we wanna here from the men out there. Everybody has a breaking point when the red flags finally add up to trouble. And y'all know what to do when trouble comes calling?
Run.
Redditor u/JaJaLoHawanted the gents out there to share with us about their love lines in the sand, by asking:
Men, what are some deal breakers for a potential relationship?
Compromise is important in a relationship. Everybody has to do it. But there are just some traits or actions that a big no-go when it comes to compromise. And you shouldn't feel bad about it.
Sorry
Sorry I Love Lucy GIF by Paramount+Giphy"Not being able to apologize. Everybody makes mistakes, doesn't matter. Own up to it and I respect you even more. Seek excuses? Bye!"
Own It!
"No accountability. In fact, having absolutely no sense of accountability for their actions. Believe me it is more common than you think."
"My ex was just like this- I found myself apologizing for her mistakes, and she expected me to grovel when I made any minor error. And the gaslighting, mind games and guilt trips... holy crap. When I called her out, I was "lecturing her." I thank my lucky stars that I had the sense to get out when I did."
Cheer Up!
"Complaining about everything."
"My ex too. It was unbelievably draining. I could handle it most of the time, but the worst was when in a situation where everyone is miserable (e.g. getting stuck outside in the rain). It's like, hey, everyone here is having a bad time right now, but by complaining constantly you're just dumping more misery on top of it for everyone."
The Menu
"Kind of a subset of this for me is being a picky eater. I dated a girls for over two years who ate nothing but macaroni and cheese and chicken tenders. Never freaking again. I've broken it off with two otherwise very nice and attractive girls over this. I'm not spending my life restricted to restaurants that sell chicken tenders and having to grocery shop for two different dinners every single night."
- username deleted
Fibs...
Lying Simon Rex GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphy"Lying, saying stuff about you behind your back, being mean to people for no reason, being fake."
Ladies, ladies, ladies... listen up. Now don't think men aren't just as culpable, but y'all ain't perfect. Don't lie, start there. Shall we learn more?
Failed
fail black and white GIFGiphy"No "test" behaviour. Be straightforward or I'll assume you're likely to instigate dumb crap drama. Honesty for honesty."
"red flag"
"Doesn't let you have time to yourself/ heir entire life revolves around you to the point that they suffocate you."
- jalo12
"To add on - if a partner is controlling of your relationships with friends and family, and generally won't let you exist as your own person, "red flag" is understating it. You should be able to at least occasionally do things without your partner."
"You should be able to have private spaces and private thoughts. You should be able to maintain existing relationships and create new ones. I dated someone once who was insistent as to how I slept, and didn't like it if I tried to get into a more comfortable position. Surprise surprise, also came with a side of emotional abuse and manipulation."
- Kradget
911 Operators Break Down The Strangest Call They've Ever Received | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Basics
"Zero effort put into simple maintenance actions. Simply picking up after yourself is deferred repeatedly when it can be done and over in ten seconds. Inflexible mind, or unwilling to learn new things or see other perspectives. Seeing the fault in others, but inability to perceive such in themselves."
Counting Ability
"If they are terrible with finances."
"Money is cited in the top 3 reasons for divorce, always. And money affects every facet of life. My BIL married a gal who was always a next thing away from getting her financial sh*t together. Anyway, he's living with us now, after his 2-year marriage ended, because, it turns out, people who are bad with money and have no real interest in saving, likely will not change."
- abqkat
try to be fun...
John C Mcginley Reaction GIFGiphy"No sense of humor. Either a lack of sense of humor or incompatible sense of humor. I want to be able to laugh at the same stuff together."
Be Civilized
"If you can't have a civilized argument with them. If small differences at the start of the relationship already turn into screaming, shouting, insulting etc. just think about how those important discussions later in the relationship will go."
"This is a pretty big deal. It goes hand in hand with escalating small problems. What could've ended with "oh ok, I'm sorry" turns into "are you calling me stupid" and that turns into "no! You're stupid, and everything about you is stupid!"
"Some folks don't know how to approach a problem aside scream at it. Or if it's a personal problem, they flip it into a personal attack. This is someone that both does not know how to see a problem, let alone address it. Not enough emotional maturity to hold a healthy relationship."
Disrespect...
"Lack of respect for my boundaries. I learned this lesson the hard way once, I've got no intention of letting it happen again. "Tests" and indirect behavior. If you want something tell me. I'm not playing a game just to see if I'm "worth" your attention. You don't treat the things I care about or respect seriously. It shows me you won't even put in the effort to act like you care. The idea of "I don't have to bring anything to the table and you have to bring everything."
"If you're a deadbeat leech I'm not interested in wasting my time on you. If they breathe their politics too loudly. I'm fully open to someone who doesn't perfectly align to my idea of a worldview but if they're super loud about it that looks incredibly cringy and tactless. I don't care if it's for something I agree with or not. There's more to life than mindless tribalism."
Behind the Back
Fuck You Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Seeing how they speak to other people, especially when they aren't around, if they crap talk their friends when they aren't around why would you think they wouldn't do that to you as well. Also, if they can't keep a secret."
- AL_drew
Too Much
"A girl I work with said she had to make her boyfriend have fights with her because he wouldn't before. She said she told him "look this isn't gonna work if you won't get into arguments with me." It sounded to me like a relationship with her would be very toxic."
- Poopoodl
"I had a boyfriend in college who complained that I didn't get angry or fight with him. Before me he was dating an older girl who had two kids and she was abusive. She would show up to his house randomly and they would fight/scream at each other all the time. I guess he thought that's what love looked like. I just wanted peace and someone to have sex with looool."
Look into my Eyes
"They spend 90% of their free time sat on their phone but get annoyed when you play a few hours of PlayStation to relax."
"Yeah that's some people in general, My best mate since childhood moved to another country and was always "so busy", took hours, sometimes days to reply a simple message, but when he came to visit he was on the phone 95% of the time. To the point where it was hard to maintain a conversation (in person) because he's busy in the phone. Oh but when THEY need something from you, suddenly they are the chattiest people around and answer in miliseconds. I don't even bother anymore."
Themselves
"Huge red flag when they ask you for every little detail when you've been somewhere without them i.e out with friends or something, and basically accusing you of cheating then getting overly defensive and secretive (showing really strong cheater signs) themselves."
All about them!
Jane Birkin Dancing GIF by Film at Lincoln CenterGiphy"If they're full of themselves, can't have someone who can't joke and make fun of themselves and bases life on how many likes they get on social media."
Cleanliness is next to Godliness...
"Met this girl in college, nice personality, smoking hot body, invited her over to my dorm for some Netflix n' Chill and quickly noticed she had a... how to put it delicately... a severe BO problem, I'm talking rank and when she took her shoes off it was worse than some of the guys I use to play basketball with. Ok, not a deal breaker, maybe she just had a long day and hadn't had a chance to take a shower, happens to all of us."
"So we got together a few more times and if anything it got worse, so I tried dropping some subtle hints. She finally told me she was into something called "natural hygiene" and didn't bath more than once every couple weeks or ever use deodorant, soap or shampoo. Nope... my penis was screaming yes, but my nose vetoed it, I was out."
- Dervrak
Handle It
"Handles problems badly. Meaning, will become very demanding or sullen. Need someone who is calm in stressful situations, life is full of huge problems that will need two to deal with properly."
"These are all good answers but I'm surprised this one isn't higher, if you're looking for an actual life partner you need someone who can handle their crap when the going gets tough."
3 Strikes...
Baseball Youre Out GIF by WAXGiphy"A broke off with a girl on our 3rd date because she was mad I wasn't jealous. So I guess jealousy? Toxicity in general?"
It's not hard to be yourself in a relationship. In a potential love match, you should be as much yourself as possible. So stay honest and own up to your flaws and your partner will do the same. And if not, you can write a thread about the men.
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“'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience'.” What's your best real life example of this?"
They Literally Won't be "Shut Down"
"When I tell people to just reboot your computer and it will fix all their problems and yet they won't because they said if you wait long enough it will shut down, when in reality it only goes to sleep."
"Then when I tell them they have to completely shut it down they look at me like I'm an idiot and say they did."
"I tell them it seems like it but it only went to sleep."
"They argue back."- niallaa
Some People Just Don't Get It...
"I used to argue a lot with my sister when we were kids."
"She would do this thing where she would say something, and then I would reference back to it literally a minute or two later to prove a point and she would say 'I never said that' or 'that’s not what I said'."
"Absolutely impossible to argue with someone who will just deny having said things that could hurt their argument."
"Also, trying to change the course of an argument if they feel like they are 'losing'."
"A coworker once called me an idiot for doing something 'incorrectly' when I was actually doing it the right way."
"When I politely explained to them that the way they suggested doing the task didn’t actually work, they started asking 'why are you getting so angry?? I was just trying to help' etc."
"So now we’re arguing about whether I’m angry or not instead of the right way to complete the task."- themightypianocat
Facts Are Facts...
"Arguing is pointless if you do not agree on a set of facts."- niallaa
Facts GIF by Judge JerryGiphyYou Can't Have It Both Ways...
"For a short while, I worked as a line cook at a Cracker Barrel, and there was a little saloon style door that led to the staff section (kitchen, bathroom, etc)."
"There was a staff only sign on the door, above the doors, and on the wall behind the doors at eye level."
"Usually if someone from the customer side comes in, they said, 'Coming in' before opening the door, so they didn't hit anyone, but of course customers didn't know that."
"So when this dude opened the door and hit a waitress carrying a ton of drinks, we were reasonably upset with him."
"He said, ;You should really put a sign up'."
"We showed him all the signs, and he goes, 'That seems a bit excessive'."- GreyFoxHound1
So Wrong.
"Had an employee sign an NDA about an upcoming art installation that had investors."
"He told everyone."
"He argued with me the NDA only meant he couldn’t disclose anything with the people in the company."- BosskHogg
He Knew What He Was Talking About
This was best said:
“'Never wrestle with pigs'."
"'You both get dirty and the pig likes it'.― George Bernard Shaw"- Zerowantuthri·
pigs GIFGiphySome Outdated Inventions Are Definitely Not Missed...
"I’m showing my age here but I used to work for an estate agency, and we had sales offices set up at the site of large new housing developments."
"Our primary method of communication was fax."
"One of the sales associates telephoned our office to say that the fax machine had run out of paper."
"No problem, I said, one of the guys is coming your way later for a house tour, I’ll give him a box of paper to give to you."
"We then had an almost 20 minute long argument when they kept insisting 'NO, YOU JUST SEND ME A BLANK FAX BECAUSE I NEED THE PAPER, IT WILL JUST COME OUT OF MY FAX MACHINE'.”
"It was like trying to nail jelly to a tree."
"Difficult, irritating, and it achieved nothing."- BettieKat
Very Few Hills Are Worth Dying On...
"I had a friend in university who was a world-class high school debater."
"Over meals, she liked to pick a ridiculous proposition and then talk circles around people until they had to concede to her point, no matter how absurd."
"When she tried it with me, I just stonewalled her."
"Met every point with a solid 'I don't think that's true'." or 'That doesn't make sense'."
"Eventually she gave up and never tried it with me again."
"It was the only time I've ever used the tactics of the stupid to win an argument."
"But, to be fair, if you're not arguing with me in good faith, I feel no obligation to respond in good faith."- kitskill
IS The Customer Always Right?...
"Working retail."
"Especially when I worked in the tech shop or a computer store."
" Trying to convince someone their $500 laptop is never going to be a gaming system no matter how many of the very few replaceable parts we throw at it can be exhausting."- MOS95B
happy episode 7 GIFGiphyEducation Only Matters If You Learned Something....
"Was arguing with this dude about something math-related."
"He didn’t know how to read a study that involved statistics. claimed he was in multiple AP math classes."
"Tried saying that I 'probably don’t even know basic integration'."
"Gave me a common integration problem."
"He wrote it but forgot the minus sign, making it unsolvable."
"I pointed it out and he edited the comment to make it correct."
"Told him that some people can see when you edit comments."
"He claimed that he just capitalized a letter. on and on and on."- SaturdayNightCity
Good Legal Counsel Might Be Worth The Splurge...
"I asked a representative from the Friend of the Court to explain something she said and she told me that I understood what she was saying."
"I replied that I wouldn't have asked her to explain if I had understood."
"She said if I was going to be difficult, she would hold me in contempt."
"My X chimed in that she didn't quite understand what she had said and was greeted with a smile and an explanation."
"From that point on I always disagreed with the Friend of the Court on EVERYTHING, so that I could be seen by the 'Actual Court' and a Judge."- PURPLEPEE
Season 4 Episode 21 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySore Winners Are No More Attractive Than Sore Losers...
"Once worked with a guy who, by his own admission, got his rocks off by picking fights."
"He'd start an argument over the smallest thing."
"If you said it was white, he'd say it was black, just to try to start something."
"The one that always stood out for me was the weather app competition."
"One day he asked me what temperature it was, so I read it off my weather app."
"He got all offended, because his weather app said it was a couple degrees warmer."
"So he decides we're going to have a weather app competition."
"He was going to chart what our apps said the temperature was, and at the end of the week, whichever one was closest to that day's high would be the winner."
"And the loser would have to start using the winner's app."
"To which I said, "What is your f*cking problem?'"
"So, yeah."
"For the first few days, he'd make a big performance about marching into my office, recording the temperature off my app, jotting down some notes, and walking off."
"This started on a Monday."
"He gave up after Wednesday."
"Either because I was winning, or he was disappointed because, despite his best efforts, I just did not give a f*ck about weather apps."
"Or maybe the boss told him to stop because I filed a complaint that this was bordering on harassment."- originalchaosinabox
Im Always Right GIF by ZionGiphyIt should perhaps be said calling someone an idiot, or even thinking it, is not a particularly nice thing to do.
Even so, if you're tempted to do so when you're in the presence of a particular individual, probably best not to provoke them.
After all, if you're so determined to "win," does it really make you any better than them?