Dating can be one heck of a fiasco, especially these days, in the time of COVID. Everybody is looking for something different and nobody seems to be on the same page.
Now there are two sides to every story but today we wanna here from the men out there. Everybody has a breaking point when the red flags finally add up to trouble. And y'all know what to do when trouble comes calling?
Run.
Redditor u/JaJaLoHawanted the gents out there to share with us about their love lines in the sand, by asking:
Men, what are some deal breakers for a potential relationship?
Compromise is important in a relationship. Everybody has to do it. But there are just some traits or actions that a big no-go when it comes to compromise. And you shouldn't feel bad about it.
Sorry
Sorry I Love Lucy GIF by Paramount+Giphy"Not being able to apologize. Everybody makes mistakes, doesn't matter. Own up to it and I respect you even more. Seek excuses? Bye!"
Own It!
"No accountability. In fact, having absolutely no sense of accountability for their actions. Believe me it is more common than you think."
"My ex was just like this- I found myself apologizing for her mistakes, and she expected me to grovel when I made any minor error. And the gaslighting, mind games and guilt trips... holy crap. When I called her out, I was "lecturing her." I thank my lucky stars that I had the sense to get out when I did."
Cheer Up!
"Complaining about everything."
"My ex too. It was unbelievably draining. I could handle it most of the time, but the worst was when in a situation where everyone is miserable (e.g. getting stuck outside in the rain). It's like, hey, everyone here is having a bad time right now, but by complaining constantly you're just dumping more misery on top of it for everyone."
The Menu
"Kind of a subset of this for me is being a picky eater. I dated a girls for over two years who ate nothing but macaroni and cheese and chicken tenders. Never freaking again. I've broken it off with two otherwise very nice and attractive girls over this. I'm not spending my life restricted to restaurants that sell chicken tenders and having to grocery shop for two different dinners every single night."
- username deleted
Fibs...
Lying Simon Rex GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphy"Lying, saying stuff about you behind your back, being mean to people for no reason, being fake."
Ladies, ladies, ladies... listen up. Now don't think men aren't just as culpable, but y'all ain't perfect. Don't lie, start there. Shall we learn more?
Failed
fail black and white GIFGiphy"No "test" behaviour. Be straightforward or I'll assume you're likely to instigate dumb crap drama. Honesty for honesty."
"red flag"
"Doesn't let you have time to yourself/ heir entire life revolves around you to the point that they suffocate you."
- jalo12
"To add on - if a partner is controlling of your relationships with friends and family, and generally won't let you exist as your own person, "red flag" is understating it. You should be able to at least occasionally do things without your partner."
"You should be able to have private spaces and private thoughts. You should be able to maintain existing relationships and create new ones. I dated someone once who was insistent as to how I slept, and didn't like it if I tried to get into a more comfortable position. Surprise surprise, also came with a side of emotional abuse and manipulation."
- Kradget
911 Operators Break Down The Strangest Call They've Ever Received | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Basics
"Zero effort put into simple maintenance actions. Simply picking up after yourself is deferred repeatedly when it can be done and over in ten seconds. Inflexible mind, or unwilling to learn new things or see other perspectives. Seeing the fault in others, but inability to perceive such in themselves."
Counting Ability
"If they are terrible with finances."
"Money is cited in the top 3 reasons for divorce, always. And money affects every facet of life. My BIL married a gal who was always a next thing away from getting her financial sh*t together. Anyway, he's living with us now, after his 2-year marriage ended, because, it turns out, people who are bad with money and have no real interest in saving, likely will not change."
- abqkat
try to be fun...
John C Mcginley Reaction GIFGiphy"No sense of humor. Either a lack of sense of humor or incompatible sense of humor. I want to be able to laugh at the same stuff together."
Be Civilized
"If you can't have a civilized argument with them. If small differences at the start of the relationship already turn into screaming, shouting, insulting etc. just think about how those important discussions later in the relationship will go."
"This is a pretty big deal. It goes hand in hand with escalating small problems. What could've ended with "oh ok, I'm sorry" turns into "are you calling me stupid" and that turns into "no! You're stupid, and everything about you is stupid!"
"Some folks don't know how to approach a problem aside scream at it. Or if it's a personal problem, they flip it into a personal attack. This is someone that both does not know how to see a problem, let alone address it. Not enough emotional maturity to hold a healthy relationship."
Disrespect...
"Lack of respect for my boundaries. I learned this lesson the hard way once, I've got no intention of letting it happen again. "Tests" and indirect behavior. If you want something tell me. I'm not playing a game just to see if I'm "worth" your attention. You don't treat the things I care about or respect seriously. It shows me you won't even put in the effort to act like you care. The idea of "I don't have to bring anything to the table and you have to bring everything."
"If you're a deadbeat leech I'm not interested in wasting my time on you. If they breathe their politics too loudly. I'm fully open to someone who doesn't perfectly align to my idea of a worldview but if they're super loud about it that looks incredibly cringy and tactless. I don't care if it's for something I agree with or not. There's more to life than mindless tribalism."
Behind the Back
Fuck You Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Seeing how they speak to other people, especially when they aren't around, if they crap talk their friends when they aren't around why would you think they wouldn't do that to you as well. Also, if they can't keep a secret."
- AL_drew
Too Much
"A girl I work with said she had to make her boyfriend have fights with her because he wouldn't before. She said she told him "look this isn't gonna work if you won't get into arguments with me." It sounded to me like a relationship with her would be very toxic."
- Poopoodl
"I had a boyfriend in college who complained that I didn't get angry or fight with him. Before me he was dating an older girl who had two kids and she was abusive. She would show up to his house randomly and they would fight/scream at each other all the time. I guess he thought that's what love looked like. I just wanted peace and someone to have sex with looool."
Look into my Eyes
"They spend 90% of their free time sat on their phone but get annoyed when you play a few hours of PlayStation to relax."
"Yeah that's some people in general, My best mate since childhood moved to another country and was always "so busy", took hours, sometimes days to reply a simple message, but when he came to visit he was on the phone 95% of the time. To the point where it was hard to maintain a conversation (in person) because he's busy in the phone. Oh but when THEY need something from you, suddenly they are the chattiest people around and answer in miliseconds. I don't even bother anymore."
Themselves
"Huge red flag when they ask you for every little detail when you've been somewhere without them i.e out with friends or something, and basically accusing you of cheating then getting overly defensive and secretive (showing really strong cheater signs) themselves."
All about them!
Jane Birkin Dancing GIF by Film at Lincoln CenterGiphy"If they're full of themselves, can't have someone who can't joke and make fun of themselves and bases life on how many likes they get on social media."
Cleanliness is next to Godliness...
"Met this girl in college, nice personality, smoking hot body, invited her over to my dorm for some Netflix n' Chill and quickly noticed she had a... how to put it delicately... a severe BO problem, I'm talking rank and when she took her shoes off it was worse than some of the guys I use to play basketball with. Ok, not a deal breaker, maybe she just had a long day and hadn't had a chance to take a shower, happens to all of us."
"So we got together a few more times and if anything it got worse, so I tried dropping some subtle hints. She finally told me she was into something called "natural hygiene" and didn't bath more than once every couple weeks or ever use deodorant, soap or shampoo. Nope... my penis was screaming yes, but my nose vetoed it, I was out."
- Dervrak
Handle It
"Handles problems badly. Meaning, will become very demanding or sullen. Need someone who is calm in stressful situations, life is full of huge problems that will need two to deal with properly."
"These are all good answers but I'm surprised this one isn't higher, if you're looking for an actual life partner you need someone who can handle their crap when the going gets tough."
3 Strikes...
Baseball Youre Out GIF by WAXGiphy"A broke off with a girl on our 3rd date because she was mad I wasn't jealous. So I guess jealousy? Toxicity in general?"
It's not hard to be yourself in a relationship. In a potential love match, you should be as much yourself as possible. So stay honest and own up to your flaws and your partner will do the same. And if not, you can write a thread about the men.
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.