Conversation can be one life's scariest actions. Whoever said it was an art form was 100% correct.
Words are beautiful and language is the bedrock of our lives but boy of boy can it create some problems.
One wrong word, or false noun and it can send a conversation reeling.
Having hard chats throughout life though are just part of the deal of living.
It can be especially difficult in relationships with opposite sex. Women are better at communication, that's just fact.
Men have a more arduous time broaching touchy subjects. Some touchier than others.
Case in point...
Redditor aeronachtwanted all of the gents out there to fess about the times they have to make, what could be uncomfortable, chit chat with the ladies, they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what’s the most difficult thing to explain to women?"
I've never had much trouble talking to women. Well, except for the one time I had to come out to my girlfriend and explain me and her friend, you know what, never mind. Let's hear from you.
Don't Look
Peek A Boo Reaction GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy"Idk if it's the most difficult, but it sure did take awhile to explain to my ex that we (guys) don’t look at each other’s penis in the urinals." ~ itsOski13
Be Nice
"In a moment of anger, I’m smart enough to understand that 'shooting off at the mouth and saying something I don’t really mean' is FAR worse than 'saying nothing, realizing ‘it’s not the end of the world,’ and excusing myself to recollect my thoughts.' Just because I walked away from a conversation that was quickly going the wrong way doesn’t mean I’m metaphorically walking away from the other person or the relationship. I occasionally just need a couple minutes/hours." ~ CornerPubRon
Just Move
"Sometimes we are too shy to make the first move or take it further because we don't know if you're ok with that." ~ ungabungamans
"My female friends had a hard time understanding why I was single. I told them I was tired of chasing people, saying cute stuff, etc. I want them to do the same for me, I also want to feel special and worthy."
"They told me that it’s the guy’s obligation to go after the girl and that they wouldn’t make the first move. Had a whole argument with them that they should also try to make the first move or give friendly compliments to their guy friends. We also get tired of being friendly lol." ~ ImportantGreen
Nada
"That I'm happy just hanging out doing nothing." ~ Aggravating_Bat1786
"I feel this. even my (male) friends don't get this sometimes. I genuinely just really like doing nothing, guys. doesn't mean I don't want to hang out- you're more than welcome to come by- but I'm busy doing nothing right now." ~ jereflea1024
Hold Me
Teddy Bear Cat GIFGiphy"Why I want cuddles everyday." ~ Nightfury0818
"And to be the little spoon. Even if I'm a giant and you'd be my backpack/jetpack, sometimes it's really nice to be the little spoon." ~ subscribe_for_facts
No one should have to explain cuddling. Just be grateful you have someone to cuddle with. For free.
It just happens!
Who Knows Idk GIFGiphy"I can’t control if I get erect or not. If I can’t get hard then being angry with me is not suddenly going to make things better." ~ Hiredgun77
Don't you want me?
"I don't always want to be the one that initiates sex. It makes me feel like a creep." ~ leemurray98
"I've told this to my girlfriend several times, because it's a pretty big problem for me as well. She tells me sex doesn't just cross her mind randomly if I don't initiate. I remember her initiating 3 or 4 times in the 7 years we've been together. I still feel like a freaking creep every time I start. And when she doesn't reject me, it feels like she's doing me a favor. Very healthy, I know." ~ nudi85
These Actors Were Perfectly Cast In Their Roles | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Sometimes an actor comes along that is able to reach the audience on a deeper level. The actor that immediately comes to mind is Robin Williams. Although it ...Just before the wedding...
"My misses met my oldest friend at a wedding early last year. Haven't seen him since, or for about ten years before, despite living about three miles away from each other. Just before the wedding, she asked me how come we never met up, I said 'he's alive, isn't he?' Couple of days later at the actual wedding, she asked him the same things, and he also said 'he's alive, isn't he?' She never understood that. Never managed to explain that to her." ~ Fhjull-Forked-Tongue
Contact Sports
"That many men only have meaningful physical contact with their SO. Single men often exist in touch isolation. For a variety of reasons and social pressures many men experience a lack of physical contact. Most men I know won't even feel comfortable hugging their best friend. For a long time the only physical contact I had with other people was either sexual or a part of a competitive sport."
"Getting closer to my middle age I've learned to hug my friends and have platonic physical contact. It's really helped my mental health. I used to feel alone all the time even when I was with friends. Hug your male friends and help them normalize platonic physical affection." ~ zzSc0tchzz
Mirror, Mirror
Benicio Del Toro Man GIFGiphy"We can feel unattractive too. Just because I don't want to sleep with you, doesn't mean I don't love you or find you attractive."
"Just like you, guys can feel insecure about our bodies and not feel confidence, and having you question if it's because we don't love you anymore makes it feel like we can't be honest about those types of things." ~ FFSock
Nothing more.
"Sometimes we just want a hug. Nothing more. Just a non-judgemental shoulder to cry on." ~ Rajun_Cajun1
"nothing"
"When you ask me what Im thinking about, and I occasionally say "nothing" I'm literally staring off into the middle distance and spacing out. Im not failing to share with you. It's like a mini reset button that takes 30 to 90 seconds to reboot the mainframe and stop a shutdown." ~ d3k3d
The Struggle is real...
"We struggle with insecurities, feelings of inadequacy and feeling like we are worthless too and a big thing we struggle with is many of us feel like we are only loved on the condition we provide something, i.e financial resources, ability to protect, that sort of thing and society does a really bad job of even attempting to convince us that isn't true. And in fact the general narrative around the subject actually enforces such feelings rather than attempting to dispel them."
"Growing up we are told we need to earn lots of money in order to provide for a wife and kids and the media shows all the rich guys getting the girls and dating in later years the topic always comes up about how much we make and what our future prospects are like and it can be really discouraging. I've personally been turned down because she unashamedly said i wasn't wealthy enough to keep her happy." ~ dman2316
Not Tonight
No Thank You Reaction GIFGiphy"I don't feel like having sex, I'm tired. No it has nothing to do with you, if I desire you, if I think you're attractive. I am honestly tired and just want to sleep tonight." ~ Noah_Deez_Nutz
let's talk...
"That dudes can have a 2 hour conversation with each other (phone, down at the pub, playing online games) and not talk about any personal s**t. My SO finds it super bizarre that I can talk to my brother for an hour and not know how his family is going, how his work is, what holiday plans are. Sometimes some bros just want to talk About movies or make fart jokes." ~ W2ttsy
Today
"When you ask me how my day was or what I did today, nothing in my day usually stands out as special, so I just don't remember. I usually don't remember what I do, I just live." ~ Ok--Masterpiece
"My husband and I have this backwards. He always wants to talk about his ordinary workday whereas I’d rather not be asked about work because what is there to say? I worked. If anything was exciting about it I would’ve said so." ~ NettyTheMadScientist
Men Need
"Men need foreplay too. A buddy of mine once had a gf who would leave the room to undress before sex to freshen up etc. When she returned if he wasn't completely erect and ready to go she'd cry and accuse him of not being attracted to her. Like, the idea of having sex with her alone should keep him 100% erect for the 10 minutes he was waiting for her." ~ Chiggadup
Good Dad
"That, despite what movies/TV/literature hammer into your brains, fathers can be emotionally available, engaged, great parents. I'm the sole parent of a son and two daughters and I've had to listen to 'what does mom think of her getting this haircut?' and 'tell mom to schedule an appointment' for years. Mom's in a halfway house you twit, and I'm plenty capable of making decisions for my own children." ~ TecumsehSherman
Let me be...
South Asian Man GIF by IdentityGiphy"Some of us. just can't properly express our emotions. Even when we're allowed to be vulnerable. We've been psychological conditioned not to for most of our lives. Even when we try to, there's just. something that won't let it fully come out." ~ JoakimSpinglefarb
We Don't Care
"That when we say we don't care about something, we don't care about it. We're not being stoic, we're not playing games, we're not lying, we literally do not give a flying fig, and the reason why we seem to be a bit tense is that you've asked about it at least 10 times in the last hour." ~ mammbo
Ok gents, time to buck up and share some feelings. You're not alone in your worry. But you can handle it. I have faith in.
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Life-Threatening Situations First Responders Wish People Knew How To Handle Better
Reddit user PeachMilkshake2319 asked: 'First Responders of Reddit what is a terrifying situation that you wish more people knew how to handle to result in less casualties?'
When I was about 16 months old, I fell asleep in my high chair with a piece of toast in my mouth. No one noticed I had a piece of toast in my mouth, so it was panic-inducing for my parents when I suddenly woke up because I was choking.
Luckily, my mom knew what to do in this situation and was able to make me cough it back up. When my mom told that story a few years later to her paramedic friend, the paramedic said she'd seen a lot of children in fatal situations because their parents weren't able to help them while they were choking.
First responders have seen a lot of bad situations that could've been avoided if people educated themselves to handle them better.
First responder Redditors know this all too well and are ready to share their advice.
It all started when Redditor PeachMilkshake2319 asked:
"First Responders of Reddit what is a terrifying situation that you wish more people knew how to handle to result in less casualties?"
Here I Am
"Have your address clearly marked & lit so responders can get to you quickly... every second counts."
– Ten7850
"So many of the tips here are wilderness survival, and I can't argue those will help."
"But coming from a kid that's suburban raised and city for the last dozen - this hit me hard."
– pnwWaiter
When You're Alone
"How to perform a heimlich on yourself, you're a goner without a doubt if you're by yourself and food gets too stuck."
– Personalberet49
"When I was 13 years old I was choking on a bit of hamburger in my grandparents house while both of them were out of the house. I had to get up against the lazy boy and give myself the Heimlich maneuver. Finished the burger though it was tasty."
– Mewtoy
"On this note, if you’re choking on something and coughing, lean forward over your knees with your head down. Let gravity help clear the blockage, rather than trying to fight it."
– Catfishers
Please, Make A Scene
"It is way too common to find people choked to death on toilet stalls at restaurant. By instinct they don't want to disturb others and seek a place where they try to get whatever is stuck on their throat out. Please, if you are choking, try to get help and let everyone know that you are in trouble."
""Oh I don't want to embarras myself and ruin peoples night, so I'll just die in the toilet" is a wrong mindset in that situation."
– timippa
"I’ve had 3 instructors mention that it’s mostly women who do this too. Women are (in general) raised to not make a scene and are more likely than men to go to the bathroom when choking."
– Anoif_sky
Don't Cut It Off!
"Limb amputations. Easy to save someone with a tourniquet. Keep a few in your car, know how to apply them. It can save your or someone else’s life. Tons and tons of blood dumps out of an amputation."
– tibearius1123
Better Safe Than Sorry
"Treat every gun as if it’s loaded."
– RangerDangerfield
Stumble And Fall
"Friend of mine is a police officer in his home city. If your friend is drunk get them a cab home. DO NOT leave them to take the train home. He always tells me 90 percent of the people he gets run over by trains are drunks who fall into the train tracks."
– Cool_loser69
No Water Please
"Caveat - do not drink water that smells or tastes rancid or contaminated. Chances are it will make you vomit, causing you to get even more dehydrated."
– KristjanKa
Verify, Don't Trust
"Also don't entrust a drunk/incapacitated person to the care of someone you don't know. Don't trust their tinder date or an uber driver to get them home safely. That's how people go missing or get assaulted."
– notreallylucy
Check, Never Assume
"Ex-EMT here. We’re talking 13 years ago."
"It’s not a great idea to put the pedal down as soon as the traffic light turns green. Wait a couple extra seconds. That first 2-3 seconds when the light turns green is a GREAT time to get nailed by some idiot blowing through a red light."
– CDC_
"The only assumption I make when driving is that everybody else on the road is an idiot."
"If you assume they're an idiot, you can be more prepared for stupid stuff they might do"
– Raxsah
"I’ve always said “assume every other driver doesn’t know what they’re doing, where they’re going, where they are, or how to operate their vehicle”. Thus far, it’s been a success."
– EveryFairyDies
"My dad always told me"
""75% of people on the road are blind and stupid. The other 25% are actively trying to kill you""
– WhiteWizardDD
Allergies Kill
"How to inject an epipen!"
– readitpaige
"Don't put your thumb on the end of the pen! Great way to stab yourself instead (although if you're stabbing yourself anyway an EpiPen to the thumb is still better than nothing)"
– TerribleIdea27
"Haha in my EMS class the day they passed around an EpiPen, my teacher was literally saying "and just so y'all know, that EpiPen is hot, so whatever you do, don't put your finger--" and got cut off by "OW!""
"Calm as a cucumber, he continued, "--and now yall're gonna practice vitals on our newest victim!""
– TrailMomKat
Be Prepared
"I’m not a first responder, but my wife was a trauma nurse (now PACU) and we’ve found ourselves in some not ideal situations in our travels."
"Take an AED/CPR/First Aid class, bonus points for Stop The Bleed (it’s often free!). That will prep you for the majority of stuff you’ll encounter. Have a good first aid kit on hand at home and in your car."
– hipsterasshipster
You Are Not Immune
"If everyone in a room/vehicle/building is unresponsive, DO NOT ENTER FOR ANY REASON. If you see someone collapse after entering a confined space, DO NOT ENTER FOR ANY REASON. If you see a person collapsed near a potential chemical spill, DO NOT ENTER FOR ANY REASON. Overall, if it killed them, it will kill you."
– garfieldlover3000
Strapped In
"Wear your f**king seat belt"
– Shamefullvaper
"And make sure others in the car also wear their seatbelt."
– FueledByFlan
"I literally won't move my car until everyone inside is buckled in. It's one of the few things I've been a stickler about my whole life."
– TUNGSTEN_WOOKIE
Some of these (especially that last one) seem simple, but they are all vitally important!
Grade school teachers are responsible for a myriad of things in addition to being educators.
As adult supervisors, they have to make sure everything in the classroom is in order and act accordingly if something goes awry–which is inevitable since there is always one mischievous student or two.
Curious to hear from educators and their disciplinary tactics, Redditor RodotC asked:
"Teachers of Reddit, what's the worst thing you have confiscated from a student?"
These teachers had to deal with confiscating weapons.
Sharp Object
"A huge butcher knife. That he was actively trying to stab me with. He was 6."
– Interesting_Sock9142
Taser Tag
"An entire police-grade taser."
– Financial-Cattle-356
"My buddy Eric once brought in half of a police grade taser"
– MalachyXavier
Clever Crisis Prevention
"A large brick that an angry male student picked up and walked into the toilet block with. A teacher’s aide alerted me to the incident unfolding. The boy had a verbal altercation with another boy and followed him into the toilets with a brick he had found."
"I walked into the toilet block and said, 'Excuse me, that’s my brick.' The boy turned around and asked how it was mine. I said my name was written on it and I’d like it back. He asked where it was written, so I held out my hand to show him. He handed the brick over and I said, 'My mistake, it looked a lot like this one.' I removed the brick from the toilet block situation very quickly."
"I held on to the brick and alerted the deputy principal. I still can’t believe that sh*t worked."
– Barkblood
Huge Assortment
"I used to be a monitor for kids from rough neighborhoods, we would take them out to the mountains or countryside and have them sleep overnight and do activities, like scouts."
"During the day I would take mostly cigarettes, but during the pre bedtime inspection we always confiscated shanks, metal poles and upgraded 2x4 bats..."
– logges
Harmful Accessory
"Legitimate brass knuckles. He was knocking them against his desk and saying threatening things to my other students. Brass knuckles are illegal in general where I live, not just forbidden in school, so both he and his parents were in some trouble."
– Grammar__B*tch
Criminal origin stories may be found here.
Young Klepto
"Most of the time it was just lighters."
"The worst thing I found was less about the item itself and more about the context. I heard news that my student with Down's syndrome was mugged that morning in the bathroom before school and would be spending the day in the principles office. Coincidentally this was the same day that another one of my students, one who has tons of behavioral issues and was borderline sociopathic (this kid legitimately liked seeing others upset/in pain), returned from being sick."
"When I was told that the mugged student was still missing his wallet. I started to think back to how shifty the other kid was being that morning, but part of me almost refused to check the other kid's desk as I just didn't want to believe one of my 3rd grade students could truly be that heartless. Eventually I did check, and I was getting happier and happier as I dug through the desk not finding anything, only to reach the back and pull out the f'king blue Sonic the Hedgehog wallet. I think it was the only time I'd ever been angry as a teacher, and I was just fuming. Not even at the student, more just pissed that that's the way things had to be."
– zachtheperson
Bad Business
"Not a teacher, but when in high school, they had to shut down an entire bathroom because a girl had a business of piercings and tattoos in the bathroom. Chick literally had the whole Claire's piercing gun and a whole tattoo gun... and of course the drugs.... let's just say she was expelled."
– mixedcerealwithoj
Oh, The Irony
"A tightly taped and wrapped 'brick' that had 'not drugs' written in sharpie. He was throwing it around the classroom like a football. When I confiscated it and saw what was written on it I called the resource officer. It was drugs."
– IssaJuhn
These are not toys.
Repeat, these items are not toys...for kids.
Poke And Prod
"A raccoon penis toothpick a male student kept poking a female student with."
"He had backups."
– Chaps_and_salsa
"People actually make toothpicks from raccoon penises?? Just because you can doesn't mean you should ffs."
– Epik_Guy
I'm not a teacher but as a middle school student, I had something taken from me and I still don't have a clue as to why.
It was clearly not required reading but I had a paperback copy of Stephen King's The Tommyknockers on my desk.
My teacher was so appalled after seeing it, she swiped it and told me that I could retrieve it after class.
Perhaps it was unsuitable reading material for a 14-year-old? Who knows?
But I remember feeling guilty for no reason and ashamed that I was reading a book written by The Shining horror author.
From our friends and families' own cringy stories, to the tales captured on social media, we've all witnessed our fair share of proposals that totally missed the mark or were just plain awkward.
In fact, most of us have come across so many of these stories, we all have an idea of what the worst proposal in the world would be.
Redditor aloe_veracity asked:
"What is the worst possible way to propose?"
Stealing the Spotlight
"At someone else's wedding or wedding reception."
- N-y-s-s-a
"I had to stop my friend from doing that. One of the nicest dudes ever, just a little naive."
"Fortunately, this was before the wedding, I didn’t slap the ring out of his hand or anything like that. I just very clearly told him it was a bad idea whilst at the pub."
- Polite_as_h**l
Clearly a Subplot from 'Grey's Anatomy'
"Arrange a fancy date night with your girlfriend, including dinner at a posh restaurant."
"In the middle of the meal, fake a brain aneurysm. Bite into a concealed blood pack, collapse, and fall onto the floor, the whole bit. A 'doctor' or a 'nurse' planted at an adjacent table rolls you onto your back, checks you, and says that you're not breathing and you have no pulse."
"He or she rips open your shirt to apply a defibrillator... revealing, 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?' written on your chest in red body paint."
"Pull out the ring, and say, 'I can't live without you, baby.'"
- Thatimensfaa
So Romantic
"Chucking the ring at them and saying, 'Here, wear this.'"
- Kai6180
"My friend got engaged like this and thought it was so cute for some reason. They did not last."
- Bada**Bumblebee
Wedding Dress Included
"My mom told me that my cousin’s girlfriend got tired of waiting for him to propose (apparently he said he would but hadn’t gotten around to actually doing it) that she straight up bought a wedding dress and told him they were getting married."
"He said, 'Okay.'"
"I believe they’ve been married for about 20 years now."
- PorkrindsMcSnacky
So Nervous
"My husband proposed to me while I was driving. At night. On a very busy, twisting road."
"He had a big proposal planned but then got super nervous and kind of just blurted out the proposal while we were in the car."
"We celebrate our 25th anniversary this fall. My thought was if I had the power to make him THAT nervous, I was in a pretty solid position."
"Honestly, it's not how you're asked; it's who's doing the asking."
- Neener216
Worth Waking Up For
"Mine might be the worst. I was a broke 19-year-old and thought that if I can't spend money on a good proposal, I'd go with the element of surprise."
"I woke her up at 3:00 AM and gave a speech about how we were going to be together forever and propose."
"Her response: ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME...'"
"We've been married 14 years this October."
- the_navillus
Red Flags in the Morning
"I got woken up an hour before my alarm clock rang. He just came home from visiting his parents for the weekend."
"No elaborate speech, just a 'Now or later?'"
"Me, being an unarticulated zombie for the first hour after being woken up, managed to mumble, 'Now.'"
"I got the ring stuck on my finger. It was slightly too small. And then I just went to work."
"Later that day, he reminded me that I still 'have to' say yes. Of course I did."
"A day later, colleagues figured out he never asked. He just demanded. So I told him to ask me, but he said since I already said yes, he didn't need to."
"After a little back and forth, he asked."
"I should have seen that red flag waving in front of my face, but it took two years to see it."
- Mondfairy
Practical Purposes Only
"This is the story of how my parents got engaged."
"Dad: Hey, you should move in with me."
"Mom: No. Not until we're married."
"Dad: Okay. Fine. Let's get married."
"Mom: Wait. Are you seriously asking me like this?"
"Dad: Yes. Why not. Marry me and then you can move in with me."
"And then they got married."
"It did not go well."
- biddily
Short and Sweet
"Proposing via text."
- Salty-Entertainer-29
"will u marry me?"
"k."
- aloe_veracity
Public Proposals
"For me personally, the worst would be any grand gesture around people. I’d rather you ask during a cozy night on the couch."
"My ex and I just talked and knew we were going to do it. We picked up the ring together and were walking out of the store. He bent down on his knee at a bench, and no one was paying attention. I’ll never forget how precious that was to me."
"I was at a large music festival last year and saw a guy propose to his girl quietly in the back of a crowd. No one seemed to notice that either, but I saw it and started crying to myself at how beautiful it was. She was snuggling into him the whole rest of the set."
- ApprehensiveBanana07
Quite the Rebound
"Say the wrong name. Other than that, you'll be fine."
- shipsaway9
"Something similar happened to a family friend. Someone she met online proposed to her within weeks of meeting her with a gorgeous diamond ring."
"She got caught in the moment and said, 'Yes.' It was at a fairly busy restaurant and everyone started clapping and cheering for them."
"When she got home, she took off the ring to send us a photo of it, and that's when she noticed that there was someone's else initial engraved on the inside."
"Turns out that the guy's ex-fiancee had broken up with him just months before their wedding. He met my friend online and decided to ask her to marry him instead out of spite and possibly because he didn't want to lose his deposit on the wedding venue and catering."
- Dane_k23
Fooled Ya
"Propose after being caught cheating."
- BeneficialSomewhere
The Argument to Win Them All
"While in an argument about wanting the get married, bring out the ring and just say, 'Here.'"
"A friend of a friend was 'proposed' to this way and thought it was the cutest. The red flags were waving themselves."
- royal_rose_
A Different Take
"Propose from prison."
- No-Art-9083
"Propose in prison."
- aloe_veracity
"Propose ON TOP of a prison."
- Ok_Wave_7359
A Jarring Experience
"Shock them by proposing to them right after they've told you that they've lost their job."
- BroadcasterX
Proposing or being proposed to is supposed to be one of the most special moments in a couple's life, signifying all that is to come. Imagining how someone could approach this moment in some of these ways is really staggering.
You can say that some single people can be envious of those who are blinded by love.
You know the expression. A person who is blinded by love is when they are so deeply engrossed in the throes of passion with a lover that their relationship defies all logic.
On the one hand, that level of amorousness is romantic. But on the other hand, it can be totally deceiving.
People who are blinded by love tend to rush into things and make life-changing decisions that can come back to haunt them. Like getting married.
Curious to hear about regretful choices, Redditor tippytoes1216 asked strangers online:
"When did you realize you married the wrong person?"
Some realized gradually that something was off.
Losing A Sense Of Self
"One day I realized I had become a smaller version of myself."
– mlerin
"Yeah damn. I'm about a year past a really tough breakup, and this hits hard. My friends all tell me they like the new me. And it certainly feels easier to be me. I don't know why I ever let it be reduced. I think she left me with a bit of imposter syndrome, but it turns out I'm f'kin' dope."
– thefrenchflex
No More Exercising
"When she sat me down and with a straight face said 'I’ve thought about this and you’re not going to exercise anymore.'”
"I was jogging a few miles a day and would usually bring kids with in running stroller."
"She said you’re a father and it’s too time consuming. That’s when I realized I made a terrible mistake lol."
"Catching her with another man in my car didn’t help the case to stay married."
– JD054
This Woman's Work
"Engaged not quite married yet."
"When I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery... and he came home from work and looked me dead in the face and said 'why aren't the f**king dishes done?'"
"Called my mom the next morning and told her I was leaving. Hightailed it out of there 2 weeks later."
– Neverinfocus
Unfit Mother
"It was a death of a thousand cuts. One of the first was when I realized she didn't trust me. We had been together around 10 years at this point. But I had a moment of clarity and literally said to her 'you don't trust me do you?' Before she could answer I said 'you don't trust anybody.' And she agreed."
"She would routinely throw the kids out of the tub and the bathroom completely naked because they splashed her while getting a bath. And not just that, she would yell at the top of her lungs at how bad they were. The kids were around 2-4 at the time. God forbid the toddler splashes the water in the tub."
"Another time I don't even remember the cause but I tried to play mediator. As in 'ok daughter you did something wrong, let's apologize to mommy'. And she would. Then I'd ask mommy to apologize to our daughter for what for her role and mom absolutely refused to apologize. Ive known this lady more than 20 years and ive never heard her apologize. Literally never."
"The final straw was when one of our kids wanted a hug goodnight before bedtime. She locked herself in our bedroom and refused the hug because she had hugged them earlier in the day. Kids were crying. They didn't understand. I was devastated watching this unfold. Why doesn't mom want to hug me?"
"I try my best to not let it impact me. But we share custody now and I have to watch how she interacts with our kids. Its hard. The best consolidation is the kids are getting older and they're starting to figure it out."
– overarmur
Unworthy Companion
"When I realized if we weren’t dating I wouldn’t have wanted to be his friend."
– dawn855
Some found out on the day of the nuptials.
"No Ice Cream Truck"
"On the wedding day…. She spent a fortune on unnecessary things, and I knew I’d be the one fitting the bill on the credit card she ran up. So I told her no more, she said she wanted an ice cream vendor there (we already had two dessert bars) told her it was not needed. She fought me on it but finally agreed. Wedding day comes, I’m standing with my groomsmen, in comes the ice cream truck. Knew right then, sadly."
– StrangeJitsu
Inebriated Bride
"On my wedding day. We were married at her Parents house, a beautiful place on a private country club. The entire day was all about her, and she spent more time hanging out with her friend and getting drunk than with me. I stayed busy visiting with all the guests during the day. After all the guests left and it was down to her parents and me, I find her passed out drunk upstairs in a bedroom. I picked her up and carried her to our car to take her home. Needless to say our wedding night consisted of her sleeping it off. 5 years later she went in to in-patient treatment and after she sobered up and was released, she told me that she didn't love me and wanted a divorce."
– metrology84
So much for the honeymoon.
True Colors
"It was actually almost immediately after getting married. Our relationship had taken a nose dive as soon as we moved in together. But after we got married, while we were in Greece on our honeymoon, he absolutely lost his mind on me in public. I had wanted to go see a beach on the island that is supposed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, so we tried to catch the bus, but it never came. He screamed at me, telling me he hated traveling with me and how could I ruin his vacation like this. Then we walked to the beach nearby and he went swimming with his two friends who he insisted come with us on the trip. I was too stunned and humiliated to do anything except sit on a beach chair and cry."
– gridironbuffalo
China Was Telling
"Got married. Went on a honeymoon in China. We were both PhD students at the time. I was working class. Her family was middle class. Her father gave her 10,000 $ for the honeymoon."
"So we go to China to celebrate AND she wants to do some light pre dissertation research while there for a month or two. Fine."
"It turns out, I spent the entire two months alone in tiny hostels, while she did research. I only spoke a few words of Mandarin and I was a broke graduate student, so I couldn’t really afford to/didn’t have the means to easily get to an airport to fly back home (also had 0 family support back home, even if I did manage to make it home). I felt trapped."
"I talked to her about how the trip felt like a research trip and not at all like a honeymoon, how I was alone almost everyday."
"We were sharing a laptop while in the trip (I was too poor to own a laptop, despite being in grad school). I open the laptop one morning before she leaves to go survey a field site without me. Her email is open. She left a message open on the laptop. It’s to her father, stating she wishes I wasn’t there on the trip - our honeymoon. Again, I was told this would be a honeymoon w/ maybe a slight detour for research. It turned out to be a research trip where I was a burden."
"She apologized. We stayed together for a few more years after she got sick and I became a caretaker. I wish, in hindsight, I had left China after reading that email."
– Mtt76812
It's pretty painful to realize that the person with whom you're sleeping next to is not, or never was, your person.
But if there's a glimmer of hope that you and your spouse are willing to put in the work for the sake of a troubled marriage, that's a very redeemable quality.
Sadly, this doesn't apply to all couple, and the best thing to do is to abandon ship before further emotional damage is done.