Why are men forced to be things they're not?
We are too far along as a society not to let the boys grow and evolve.
A good cry, a good laugh, a song, hug, a dance it out... can help anybody.
Or maybe just watch an episode of 'Grey's Anatomy.'
Redditor 040607AJF wanted all the guys out there to share how they "feel" so they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what is something f**ked up that you're supposed to be okay with because you're a man?"
Gents, it's time to start healing and growing.
Go to sleep
Switch Off Good Night GIF by GunmaunofficialGiphy"Having sex whenever she's in the mood. And if I say no she thinks something wrong with her so you get pressured into doing it so she won't be mad or feel sad."
dabbiedabbiedoo
Grief
"30 year old male from India. Lost my dad 20 days back in an accident Relatives and well wishers spend time talking and pacifying mom/sister and listen to them with patience. To me before they leave- 'Now it's your responsibility to take care of your mom/sister' and nothing else."
"What about my grief of losing a parent? How do I handle it? Who is going to pacify me? Who listens to me? Without support from my wife and my friends, I could have gone insane the way people expect me to treat grief."
pgaravindhsf
Red Flags
"Depression and loneliness, as much as I wish I could say the support gotten better it hasn’t. I see the 'mens mental health awareness month' bulls**t all over social media for a day once a year but then nobody speaks about it. Being depressed or saying you’re lonely can often be seen as a cry for attention or a 'red flag' for partners."
"People on social media think posting some picture of 'We need to support our men in the world!' Is going help, it doesn’t. If you legitimately care about the men in your life’s mental health please reach out to them and ask how they’ve been. Don’t compare to them and don’t undermine them just understand them. It does so much for them."
Senior-Place-7627
“figure it out”
"The fact that a lot of men have no guidance and are supposed to just figure s**t out or just know yet people will treat you like s**t for not knowing."
DeepTalkTv
"When I was younger I was always told to 'figure it out' cause I’m a man. Every time I needed help whether it be homework, a flat tire, or something I genuinely needed help with like applying for college/fafsa I was turned away because it was my problem. Now if any family needs my help I’m demonized if I say no. Like wtf man I was taught not to bother y’all why are y’all bothering me?!?"
Mountain_Ad1797
911
Role Playing Reaction GIF by Hyper RPGGiphy"You can ask for my help, but I can't ask for yours."
spenser1994
Leave me be...
"Some women should understand that men can be 'not in the mood' as well. I don't know why many people think that men will never say 'no.' I saw many on Twitter, sadly both men and women, thinking that men are these cartoonish wolves that will start salivating and have their eyes turn into hearts when anyone mentions the word 'sex.'"
Inevitable_Count_370
Out of the Norm
"Getting weird judgment from others for not conforming to the ‘traditional’ male role in a marriage or family. My wife is a highly driven genius, makes a great living, and loves what she does. I’m full time in the arts, and I’m not completely dependent on her, but I don’t have traditional employment or make a lot of money."
"I’ve had people in my life (especially older people) throw shade at me for not being ambitious enough or not having a real career. But together we’re doing much better than okay, and I’m probably gonna be the main caretaker when/if we have kids. I feel that if she were a man and I were a woman, nobody would question it at all."
LovesRefrain
Mind Games
"We aren't taught how to deal with emotions. (Mental health too)."
"I'm not advocating for men to be super-soft emotional wrecks, or to cry five times a week. But man I wish I knew I wasn't 'wrong' or 'weak' or 'avoiding becoming a man' just because I was sad, depressed, anxious and trying to deal with past events."
Maestroifuplz
"So many women in my lifetime have acted like I’m not a strong guy because I show emotion. I have a big heart and I’m not going to change that for anyone. But I’ve had relationships take an immediate downturn when I showed any kind of sensitive side."
Gamur
A New Leaf
Bradley Cooper Teacher GIF by Legendary EntertainmentGiphy"That If I ever finish my AA and teach preschool that I’ll be seen as a threat to children."
bahardesty
"I have known two men attempt to enter the teaching profession. My advice is don't! It really is not worth your time."
raceAround126
Oh gents, we all still have a long way to go.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor onlyusemefeets wanted to hear about the worst of everyone's family, so they asked:
"When did you find out that someone in your family is evil?"
The Reddit community rose to the occasion to shed some light on their family skeletons.
Money Issues
Wild West Fighting GIF by Buyout FootageGiphy"When they ripped apart 3 generations of my family almost immediately after my dad died for a measly $37,000. He's a millionaire. That kinda money is pocket change to him."
Good Lord
"When my 11 year old cousin got cancer."
"Her mom and boyfriend were shooting up her pain medicine. My cousin was in so much pain, she told her Doctors. Thats when the doctors stopped giving her mom a prescription and the nurses dispensed her pain meds at the hospital. Unfortunately they could not keep track of medication while at home so they reported it."
"CPS removed her. She died shortly after in foster care. Parents were never charged."
dead-parrots
Death
"When my dad died of covid my Aunt tried to say she was entitled to some stuff of his since it belonged in the family. She even called a lawyer on us and it was big deal and my mom didn't need to deal with that trying to raise 3 kids on her own so f**k her. She still bothers us about stuff and all it is like plates and some pictures and some other things."
"Sunken Cost Fallacy"
"My brother's addiction has led to him spinning some ridiculous stories. I'm not sure if he is very convincing or if my father chooses to believe him because of some 'sunken cost fallacy,' or he genuinely refuses to give up. But my brother has told lies and stories about me and my siblings to the point that he's the only child who talks to my father anymore. He convinced my father that I forced him to do drugs."
"But I knew my brother was evil when scared away my sister with physical violence. Last month, he went missing for a weeks only to turn up after flipping his car high on pills. My father doesn't know it yet, but my mother is planning on leaving him because my father chooses my brother over her. No one can convince my father that he's enabling. No one can convince my brother to stop. Hard drugs really destroy entire families."
sleepypanda59
A New Family
Frustrated Skip Bayless GIFGiphy"When he purposely excluded his 4 year old son (from a previous relationship) from his wedding to his new spouse, deleted all photos of his son from his social media, and legally signed away all parental rights. He has since had 2 more kids with said new spouse."
FeminaCanadiana
How can parents act that way?
Failure...
"I don't know about evil, but my dad got remarried and has a kid and stepson with his new spouse. All of that would be fine if he didn't pretend that none of us (offspring from first marriage) exist so he can pretend this family is the first family and we never happened."
"Once this realization hit me, I stopped contacting him, and once I stopped putting in the effort, everything else dissipated. We haven't spoken at all. He does not care in the least. I honestly believe that he wishes we never even existed. He is a failure as a father and as a man."
Raindrops_On-Roses
Oh Brother
"When my husband's brother (1 of 5 siblings) said he couldn't make it to our house to plan their mother's funeral because he had to work. Meanwhile we found out he wasn't working because we caught him on ring doorbell entering the moms house to rifle through it while the rest of us were planning the funeral at my house."
Legitimate_Energy257
The End
"When my ex said 'you've been a godsend, I want a divorce.' I had taken time off from work to take care of her parents. She told me this right before her dad died, and she inherited. She found a boyfriend while I was with her parents. She got the house by declaring I had abandoned it. I was with her parents."
rollercoaster_5
Evil
Season 5 Nickelodeon GIFGiphy"When my dad tried to throw my 6 month old sister when he was drunk. That man is a monster in disguise"
iinattanii
So many people really need to be screened for their abilities to raise kids.
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...
Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlayGiphy"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
Akiram
Be Clear
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
"Wouldn’t recommend."
sadbudda
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
InternationalMouse56
Confusion
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
ZidanSufuzki
For Life
Corona Snap GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Stupify_Me
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forever
married single ladies GIFGiphy"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
dirtysecretsofmine
Hey Buddy
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
MarthaTheTRex
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
Professional-Help114
Taking Chances
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
lifehappenedwhatnow
Developments
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
playswithf1re
In Sync...
Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Gwywnnydd
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
PodcastingPodcastGuy
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
