Doctors, nurses, paramedics, and other medical professionals see all sorts of things while on the job. Perhaps among the more frustrating situations for medical professionals is when someone comes in for treatment... well after the time they likely should have.
After Redditor catcrazylover asked the online community, "What have been your 'WHY DIDN'T YOU COME IN SOONER?' moments?" doctors, nurses, and the like weighed in with their experiences.
"Called to a patient..."
Former medic here. Called to a patient who had cut their leg while chopping wood about a week prior and now it was really itchy. Old gentleman, didn't drive, lived alone. Got to his house, unwrapped the ungodly swollen leg to find that he'd tried to superglue the wound closed and maggots had commenced to growing inside. The itching he was feeling was the writhing maggots under his skin.
"I have a million of these."
Imaging guy here. I have a million of these, I work with vascular patients and wounds. Had a guy whose foot was completely broken sideways at the ankle. he had it still wrapped from when he left the hospital. He would use the stumpy part to move around on his wheelchair and leave little blood sponge prints on the floor.
Another guy with bad ankle and foot wounds decided to stop going to wound care, and was afraid to take the wraps off even after his foot started to stink. By the time I saw him his skin had kinda liquified.
Earlier on in my career I saw a guy with necrotizing wounds to both legs that had eaten to muscle in multiple places below the knee. I asked him how long they looked like that and he said about two years. Next time I saw him he was bilateral above knee amp.
Stump wounds. Just... Stump wounds.
Take care of your feet people. If you're diabetic and can't feel the bumps and scrapes please check your feet regularly.
"He couldn't believe..."
Guy came in with a dead leg. Waited until it turned black and then decided to head to the ER. They tried an angiogram to open up blood flow but it was way late for that. Guy had several clots in his lungs and legs. Undiagnosed atrial fibrillation. He couldn't believe we were going to amputate, kept asking me what else I could do.
Go back in time a week ago and come in. Kinda around when it turned blue.
"On the upside..."
Years ago as a nursing assistant on an oncology floor we had a guy admitted because he had had an erection for several days and had lost the ability to pee. His bladder was close to bursting and his poor junk was... think microwaved hotdog. Really bad.
But NONE of that was as interesting as the fact that this guy had untreated skin cancer on his nose for several years that had over time become infected, developed MRSA, and spread across his face. He had no nose, no cheek, and no eye on one side of his face, and was starting to lose his other eye. You could see part of his skull. I dont know why he chose to leave it untreated and I have no idea how long it took to get that bad, but I will never ever forget the smell and texture of his rotting face.
On the upside, we were eventually able to convince him to have reconstructive surgery. He ended up getting a skin graft that covered up his eye, nose and cheek. So, if you ever meet a very grumpy dude with nothing but a mouth and one eye, know that this is way better than the alternative.
"This happens all the time..."
This happens all the time.... People have a big stroke at home and can't move an entire side of the body. They wait several days thinking it's a flu or something. Nope, not the flu.... Just a large clot in the brain that could have been reversed if you came in right away.
"Came into our clinic..."
This has happened a few times, actually...
But I had a gal come in on Monday after being discharged from the hospital Friday after giving birth.
So basically, we tell ladies to avoid intercourse until a doctor clears you, and well, her spouse kept insisting and insisting and insisting that Friday night she caved and let him go to town. He wound up tearing some stitches that were placed and bleeding like a stuck hog all weekend long.
Came into our clinic, blue in the lips and fingers, and her hemoglobin was 4 (normal should be 12 - 15).
She didn't wanna be a bother, so she waited until she started feeling dizzy all the time. She got another trip to the hospital for transfusion and repair for that.
But...like I said, this isn't the first time I've seen that, so for the love of God...if homeboy is begging for it after you just had a baby, maybe he needs a lesson in self control and a bottle of moisturizer.
Had a patient that had a growth on her head, but she was too embarrassed to go to the doctor over it, so she just kept coming and spraying her hair to hide it.
Growth got larger and larger and larger until one day she felt a pop. She didn't want her family to know about it, so she just continued to comb and spray her hair to hide it.
Until one day she said she had a funny sound in her ears, and she could hear something moving.
That's right. She could hear something moving.
Finally comes in, upon assessment in the ER they look at her head first, not her ears, because there was a very noticeable odor, that's when they discover maggots. Live maggots crawling inside of wound bed on her head with a disgusting odor. One MRI later and she's on my unit, where we have to start picking the maggots out of the wound and count them.
She ended up buying herself a "Washout" where they take her to the OR and clean and debride the wound, which tunneled from the top of her skull down along her head and just into her skull near her ear. The one good thing about the maggots though, was that they had eaten a lot of the dead and decaying flesh, so even though there was a funky odor, she didn't have a super massive infection.
"As a medical student..."
I've seen a few over the years, and they generally fall into the category of 'If it's not diagnosed then I can't have it,' or 'I didn't think it was that bad.' As a medical student I remember an older lady that had a breast that was necrotic and falling off. It had been progressing over the last several years. But, if she didn't get diagnosed with breast cancer, then she couldn't have it. In the other category I've seen a few cases of Fournier's Gangrene. Pretty much obese, male diabetics that had a pimple/sore that started in the pubic region. By the time they come to the hospital it's a raging infection where the treatment is basically to cut away everything in the pubic/ groin region down to the muscle layer. That little sore didn't seem like much at first.
"Once had an older lady..."
Once had an older lady call in wanting a prescription for pain meds because she was sure she had shingles. Said her neighbor had them and she was sure that's what it was. She hadn't been in for an exam in almost 2 years, so the doctor asked that she come in to be evaluated before a prescription could be given. She refused and called again the next day asking for a prescription. This went on all week. Her calling for pain meds, the doctor asking her to come in to be seen. She finally agreed to make an appointment. It wasn't shingles. It was a skin ulceration from advanced breast cancer.
"A biopsy and PET scan later..."
We once had a patient who went to Emergency for abdominal pain and they discovered a fungating breast wound (don't image search that) that she'd had for two years and hadn't gotten medical attention for. A biopsy and a PET scan later she was diagnosed with breast cancer with extensive liver, lung and bone mets. This was also in Australia so it wasn't a money issue. Just sad.
"She had been dealing with abdominal cramps..."
A bit late to this, but the worst one I've seen was actually my own mother.
She had been dealing with abdominal cramps for a few weeks. They were bad enough to make her stop what she was doing and double over in pain. She refused to listen to people telling her to see a doctor. Eventually, the pain stopped, for about a week. Then it came back worse, accompanied by fever and nausea. It was at that point she finally went to see her pcp, where they immediately sent her to the ER in an ambulance. Her appendix had ruptured, most likely when the pain stopped the first time. It had been a week between rupture and when she sought treatment, and now she had sepsis.
She's fine now, but it was a close call.
"She was fine..."
Left a menstrual plastic cup in vagina, got stuck, decided to wait a month or more to come into the ER, it smelt like rotten flesh. She was fine, but people don't leave s*** up in your rectum or genitals for more than a couple hours. If you can't get it out at first, it won't be easier later.
One weekend I worked on ER ans the on-call urological surgeon told me about this 18 year-old kid who came in for a triple testicular torsion. The kid already went to the ER in another hospital, where they explained he had to undergo surgery to fix the problem. Kid didn't want to, and all his parents did was make fun of him. So on this day, the surgeon explains she has to go, or he could lose his testicle, kid still refuses and she ends up trying to do it without him under general anaesthesia, kid suffers like crazy and eventually accepts surgery. Turns out he waited too long and his testicle was already necrotic. 18 minus a testicle, because your parents mocked you and you couldn't listen to different doctors and nurses.
"To this day..."
We had a patient attempt to give himself Lasix surgery. Gouged his corneas with a scalpel. He waited a week before showing up at our office. By now, he had serious infections in both corneas, and endophalmitis because he actually punctured the globe. He was transferred by ambulance to a corneal specialist. He ended up being legally blind.
To this day, he claims our doctors blinded him by not treating him and transporting him to a specialist.
"They shift her..."
I got one.
Late to the party.
A lady found a lump on her breast, 39 years old, two kids, two years later has hip pain and can't walk.
They shift her bed to bed onto the ct machine, and pop.
Her hip had turned to dust on the transfer, it was a tumor that broke down.
Riddled with cancer.
Nobody wants to die alone. That is one of life's more basic truths. We all hope there is going to be a familiar hand to hold and a pair of eyes that witnessed our lives looking into us as we drift off to meet our maker. That feels like the basics of marriage. Well that and a permanent booty call.
That's why a lot of people turn to a trusted friend to maybe one day be a love interest. It's always good to have a fail-safe and a back up. And the older you get the more the chase becomes too much run through, so why not make it easy? It's like... "hey so and so... you wanna get hitched by this date, in case?"
BAM! Instant I Do.
Redditor u/shansnewone wanted the betrothed out there to tell us about their relationship successes and fails, by asking:
Couples who got married on the basis: "if we're both not married by (x) years old, we'll marry each other" how did things work out?
I am out of options. Unless all of my prior fail safes current relationships don't pan out, I'm going to the grave alone. I'm too tired to look, or too lazy. Potato/potatoe... let's see who has better luck.
Decades Laterjust married love GIFGiphy
"Yep, worked out pretty well. We've known each other for close to 30 years now and jokingly said something similar years ago. Anyway, we got married almost 6 years ago and pretty happy with the situation."
"We were best friends for a long time in high school, I was really into her but the feeling wasn't mutual. I told her if we were single 5 years from now I could see us getting together and getting married. I moved across the country and we mostly lost touch for a couple years, but then almost exactly five years after I'd said that, we reconnected and I told here I was miserable where I was."
"She had just moved to a new city, I moved in with her, and we got together pretty quick. In two weeks, that'll have been six years ago. We just bought a house and our daughter's first birthday is next month. It was rocky at first, since we were both escaping miserable situations and living in a studio apartment, but everything worked out and I live with my best friend."
She said yes...
"Funny enough, there was a girl I liked in High School, but I was 17 and she was 15. She asked me out but I said no because I just got a girlfriend, but I was interested in her and I told her. She said if I'm single by the time I'm 25, can we get married? I was like yeah sure. I asked her when she was 25 if she was single. She said yes. Reminded her about our agreement and she said "I'm only really dating girls right now." So yeah."
Jumped the gun a little...
"I made this arrangement with my best friend from college. We spent so much time together, people thought we were dating and it led to some strife in many of my possible relationships because they saw her as a threat. But that wasn't the nature of our relationship. Strictly friends, I had interest in her one time but was quickly friendzoned and didn't try to make any advances. She never held interest in me."
"One night, close to the end of college, we went out and grabbed some beer at a local place and were transparent that we could see ourselves getting married to one another. We made an agreement that if, by the age of 30 pr 35 (I can't remember now), we were both single, we would get married. After college, we went our separate ways—I continued with school, she got a job."
"We talked inconsistently (maybe once every few months?) for about 2 years. I happened to be in her city one day in 2020 and we grabbed coffee. We talked a little more after that, then things REALLY picked up here in the last few months. We're engaged, getting married in March. Jumped the gun a little, but dammit this is the best decision and relationship I've ever been in."
In the End...This Is Absolutely Ridiculous Mandy Moore GIF by This Is UsGiphy
"Couple I knew both thought very highly of themselves and thought they could do better than the other person. They're now together and miserable."
Well those sound pleasant enough. Well, most of them do. But hey, when you gotta go with what's in front of you, you can't beg. Maybe others had it better.
Cheers to Us...Season 17 Cheers GIF by The BacheloretteGiphy
"Had an agreement. Both were married far before the date. Did however go out for drinks to celebrate the fact that we were both happily married!"
"I know a couple who were best friends but dating other people for about 15 years. No one was surprised when they finally started dating and got married, but they didn't have an agreement like you mention. They just finally got over the idea that love had to start with romance rather than friendship."
What happens... happens...
"My best friend dated this chick through high school. They broke up to go to separate colleges, dated other people obviously. Got back in town after graduating, got back together, got married. That was like 19 years and 3 kids ago. He was telling me they never would've lasted a year if they didn't separate for the 4 years of college."
This is a date?!
"My husband and I were friends. I said ,"if you don't have a date on Valentine's Day, why don't you come over and we can drink/ hang out." ( it was senior year of college… this was everyone's past time on non football days or club nights) Valentines came, and we both had nothing to do. He came over with beer AND yellow/red flowers."
"He offered to take me to dinner. I turned around and looked at my roommate like," huh?! Ooohhhhh... This is a date?!" I accepted the flowers and the 6 pack, got changed and 3 days later I just knew he was the one I wanted to annoy for a lifetime. We were swimming in the Jupiter inlet and I said "I think we should get married" he said "Yep. Sounds like a plan."
"That's all it took… friends + valentines + trajectory change = 2 kids, 2 careers, 6 moves, 1 serous illness. We survived together as a team, and It will be 25 years together in February. Man, I got it right and I couldn't even think of anyone better a fit for me. It's been AWESOME!!!"
Let's Party...Marriage Love GIFGiphy
"In my case i had good friend studying together abroad who had boyfriend."
"I told her to call me when she's free. Two years later she came to work to my city she was already free. She called me and we went to a party where after an hour or two we decided to be together and we are for 10 years."
I'm comforted by a lot of this. Maybe I'll meet some new back ups. And then love will overcome. Anybody free for a chat? ;)
Romance novels, romantic films and TV shows, advertisements, and society at large has made the gift of flowers a symbol of love, condolences, well wishes, or congratulations.
The actual act of giving flowers goes back centuries to ancient Greece, China, Egypt, the Victorian Era, and has evolved even in the last 100 years. In 1917, advertisers made giving flowers to mothers and grandmothers on Mother's Day a staple of the holiday.
Different eras and cultures have changed the way we view the importance of flowers or even the meaning behind the type of flower we are gifting. It shifted to become a gendered gesture most prodominantly in the Victorian Era as a way to express specific feelings for a romantic partner because it wasn't acceptable to share emotions outwardly.
For some reason, we still emphasize that gendered nature and restrict flower-giving to men and flower receiving to women. But what's wrong with a man getting flowers from a woman?
For some reason, we need to come up with an alternative gift for men so they don't feel emasculated (and that's on toxic masculinity). We wanted to find out what those gifts are.
So Redditor Charn22 asked:
"What is the male equivalent of buying a women flowers?"
Let's see what the men have to say.
Different kind of flower.
"I also enjoy flowers. My wife gets me the best Indica."
"Last Friday after a long day of work my girlfriend, who doesn't like weed, surprised me with a nice bag of Indica and told me to smoke for the weekend."
"I've been internally thinking about marriage a lot more this last week…"
"That's is what sealed the deal for our marriage!! She hunted down my favorite strain 100% pure DJ Short Blueberry…I looked for months found variations but never the original…made my year and was just a 'I love you gift,' no occasion; a keeper! 10 years and two kids later still in love!"
"That's love there."
Don't buy anything at all.
"Thoughtful, romantic materialistic items are great, however I'd be more than satisfied with a hug and a kiss."
"Back rub. My wife actually enjoys rubbing my back. It's good to be me."
It's the little things.
"Some guys like gifts, some guys don't. I don't like gifts, but that's also because I've dated spoiled rich girls who expected them and that experience sort of ruined it for me. But there are other ways to show appreciation."
"My current girlfriend does this one thing that always makes me smile. I am a heavy sleeper and I have a hard time getting up early in the morning. She's a morning person so she's always up ahead of me so now she likes to get up while I'm still sleeping and makes coffee for me. She doesn't even drink coffee and at first didn't even know what proportions to use."
"It makes me smile every time because getting my morning coffee is the first thing I do every day. It's a small gesture but it's one I really appreciate because I always wake up very sleepy. She usually wakes me up getting back in bed and now that I know what she's doing, it gives me a great opportunity to show my appreciation in another way."
"You should, like, marry her and stuff."
"I just about cried when my last GF first made me coffee in the morning... when no one's ever done that for you before it's a seriously big deal!"
"Nice to know some men appreciate it. My ex always took me doing stuff like that for granted. I even got up and did it DESPITE not being a morning person at all, but I was always a lighter sleeper so I was usually up first anyway."
Who doesn't love snacks?
"My late husband disliked going into stores, so I would often buy his favourite treats for him while shopping."
"Love me some snacks. Ice cream too. My son usually gets 'em all but sometimes the wife remembers mine and I'm stoked when she does."
"My ex loved 6 packs of beer and a foot long Bellacino's chicken grinder. I gave him that one year for Valentine's Day along with a VHS tape full of MMA fight matches to watch instead of going out to dinner. He almost cried. That was a good day."
Food is the way to a mans heart.
"'Honey, I was passing your favorite restaurant and I picked you up a cheeseburger and onion rings. I hope that's ok.' Yes, it's ok."
"My wife would have to call me to let me know she ran out of gas driving around trying to decide which place to stop at."
"I'd marry a woman who does that twice. hot diggity!"
Actually, maybe flowers aren't that bad of an idea.
"Buying a guy flowers."
"I would be very touched if a girl gave me flowers. I would never forget that."
"I love it when my fiancé buys me flowers. They look nice in the house, they smell nice, and it's a gift showing they care about me! There is literally no down side… unless it would completely shatter someone's fragile masculinity."
"My wife doesn't like getting cut flowers because she would prefer they didn't die for her "enjoyment." Potted flowers are okay."
"I don't dislike flowers, they are just invisible to me. If my wife puts a vase of flowers somewhere, I won't even notice until she points them out. Several times in the past, she has gone away for a week and come back and asked why I haven't thrown away the dead flowers. I never even noticed there were flowers there, let alone that they died, lol."
But it's not for everyone, just as not all women like flowers either.
"So I've seen men mention this a number of times on reddit. I therefore decided to get my partner some for his birthday (in addition to other things), and he was NOT impressed. It sucked."
"First time I ever bought flowers for a boyfriend he made it very awkward. 'Um, thanks? You don't buy men flowers.' Strict gender role adherence can really make a person miss out on small joys!"
"A direct equivalent would just be a nice plant. Personally I'm not very into flowers, they seem impractical because they wilt away after a few days. But a nice plant that can stick around for a while would be cool."
There are plenty of ways you can treat your partner and show your appreciation for them. What's important to remember that, regardless of gender, everyone is different.
We have to be specific and pay attention to our partners. Treating them like they deserve to be treated, with respect and adoration, is important and necessary to making them feel appreciated.
The style and manner of our conversations fluctuate depending on social or professional environments.
But in a stressful work environment, many of us are inclined to drop the f-bomb but choose not to for the sake of professionalism.
Is there a way to professionally tell someone to F off without actually using those exact words?
This is something that was explored on an Ask Reddit thread when user daniabear asked:
"How can someone say 'f'k you' in a professional situation?"
Getting a supervisor involved was mentioned as an intimidation tactic.
Using A Superior
"I spoke with your supervisor about the matter and they agree with me."
"*just CCing the supervisor*"
"My favorite is when a co-worker sends me an email and CCs all pertinent supervisors under the guise of 'I've told you repeatedly about X not working and months later it's still not working."'
"And then I go dig up my original, professional reply that explained how they were doing it wrong and that X is in fact working just fine, please just follow procedure. I forward that original reply with no explanation to the whole thread as a response to the very unprofessional tantrum they're currently throwing."
"Then I sit back, sip my coffee and wait. I typically turn on my read receipt for these types of communications so I can sense the disturbance in the force in real time."
Read The Email
"When someone asks in an email for something you already sent them, you just forward the original email."
"It pisses me off that I have to keep track of what's been said and when, just to be able to find it and point to it - while it's easy for the a**hole who's not paying attention to just ask again, and again."
If read between the lines, these statements is like flipping the bird.
"I've taken your idea/feedback/POV under advisement. Thank you for your contribution."
Basically, You're Wrong
"I humbly disagree with your opinion."
Finding The Tone
"There's nuance in context. If I'm in a meeting (in person or remote) and I say 'let's talk about that offline'. That might be neutral as something is another topic or concern or the flow or time constraints are such that, that's more ideal. It can also mean other things. I think most people know the difference."
There was room for some creativity.
I Hear You
"With all DUE respect."
"'With all due respect.... f'k you' and then push send"
Kill Them With Kindness
"I hope your day is as lovely as you are."
A Slight Misinterpretation
Say to the person 'You should go f'k off eh!'"
"They will to the predicable thing, act shocked/offended and say something like 'Excuse Me?!' or 'Pardon me?!?!' or "WHAAAT?!!!"
"Then you 'repeat' yourself 'I said, You should go for coffee."
The Final Destination
"Perhaps the road less traveled is where you belong."
"Your objections have been duly noted and summarily overruled."
The responses varied depending on the work situation.
I work in entertainment. Many people in the industry are very passionate and they are not limited to those we see on stage and screen.
A production team is comprised of individuals who have integrity and have no problem mincing words when things go awry.
In my experience, when the occasional f-bomb is dropped in a non-combative situation, no one bats an eye.
What immediately follows is a collective, unspoken understanding that something didn't go over well, and everyone goes about their business.
We leave the drama for the stage.
Parenting is hard. That is a basic, simple truth--and it is not meant for everybody. I truly will never understand why people don't have to prove themselves capable of being parents before they decide to bring a new life into this world. You have to have a license to drive, buy a gun... fish! Why is there not a parenting permit?
Everything you do affects your children. And then children become adults who carry your actions that turn to scars. The job of a parent is riddled with failures. So that is a truth you have to ready yourself for and then make a plan to do better.
Thank God for therapists.
Redditor u/umbralia wanted to discuss the gritty details and the imperfections of childhood, by asking:
What are the things you feel your parents failed at when raising you?
I know I could never be a parent. I've never even kept a plant alive. It's a miracle my dog is semi-normal. That's the first step, acknowledge your faults and truths.
little things...Season 4 Swag GIF by Rick and MortyGiphy
"Confidence/worrying. Little things seem to be a big deal with them Also both of them would make unnecessary comments about my looks."
"Absolutely no food guidance at all. I was allowed to have as much soda, cookies, candy, cakes, chips, all sorts of junk food, etc., as I wanted. Seldom was there any healthy food in the house. I struggled with my weight most of my childhood and the early part of my adulthood because I was never taught to eat healthy. Finally as an adult I started figuring it out and finally lost the weight but I was not raised, ever, to eat healthy but I wish I was."
"Independence, I was the kid who had an overprotective parent so when other kids went to parks/shops/friends houses I was told no you can't go because it's unsafe, made me very socially isolated because everyone else did things and I had to stay back on my own."
No Big Loss
"My mom, she complained about me losing weight (I didn't) when I wanted to just eat enough to not be hungry. She kept asking me where I got this crazy idea to only eat when I'm hungry. And the worst part? When She was complaining about the weight I didn't lose, I was STILL overweight."
Impactcouple yelling GIF by The Maury ShowGiphy
"They failed at keeping their relationship issues to themselves and not letting it spill over into our childhood and impact our daily lives."
Children are always watching. That is lesson number one. Also, focus on imparting the ways your babies can live a full life and not just how to survive struggle.
ExplosionsIntimidating Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"How to manage my anger. I was implicitly taught to bottle everything up because anger is an unacceptable emotion. It has had unexpected effect in a variety of areas down the line, especially when it comes to dealing with authorities."
"everything is ok"
"I have this reward issue, but for a different reason. My father used to just disappear for months at a time when I was a kid. We were a 2 income household and my mother was always too proud to ask for help or even admit there was a problem, so we usually went hungry and without power sometimes."
"Whenever my father came back, it meant we had money again and to compensate for how awful things were, my mother would take us grocery shopping and we'd get whatever we wanted. I remember vividly the times we'd come home from shopping and just pig out on ice cream, snack cakes, frozen pizza, candy, cookies, whatever we wanted."
"Having food, especially junk food, meant "everything is ok" in my brain. A lot of feast and famine as a kid. As an adult, it took me a while to work out healthier eating habits. There is still nothing as comforting as a stomach full of processed junk, but it doesn't happen often anymore."
Never Far Enough!
"My parents were extremely strict. I had to go to bed at 9pm every night, no matter whether it was a holiday or weekend. I was only able to be with friends my parents approved of. I went out with a guy in high school to see a movie that she chose for us to see. When we got to the theater, the movie was sold out so we chose a different movie."
"Both were rated PG (my mom would prefer it was rated G), and when I got home I told my mom about the movie we saw. She got furious with me because I didn't call her to get permission to change movies. That's just one of the many nightmares I dealt with. My mom would say something was okay to one day, and the next day we weren't allowed to do it ever again."
"I moved out when I was 18 years old. She lives in New England and I moved to Alaska for a while and then California. I haven't lived on the East Coast in almost 30 years. I'm in my 60's and sometimes I wonder if living all the way across the country is far enough away."
Feel the Hate
"When they got divorced it was abundantly clear they hated each other more than they loved us. Prior to that they were pretty good parents considering how young they were. Especially considering my dad had one of the worst examples of a father I'd care to imagine. They just got blinded by the bitterness between them and nobody thought to see above it."
"My sister was the center of attention when I was a kid, and in many ways, she still is. I lived a solitary childhood. My mom was completely disengaged from my life. I never go to do sports, hang out with friends, get involved in after school or extracurricular activities, or develop any hobbies. I was meant to be seen, not heard. I lived my entire childhood reading books, playing chess, and wandering around town aimlessly completely alone."
"And when I became of age to start working, she used my savings account as a means to finance sister's life. In later years when my sister grew up to be a sociopath, pathological liar, and ego maniac, they sort of recognized the mistake. My mom inquired recently why I never brought a girl over and I explained there was no room for me to have a social life in my sister's world."
Living WellNew Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy
"Confidence, money management, and throughout my teenage years, caring for me in general. I get it, my older brother had just died, but you had three other kids. One was only 8, and at 13, I shouldn't have had to step up and be his mother."
See there... failure and consequence. That is why there are so many wealthy therapists out there. Nobody says you have to be the perfect parent, just aim to be decent.