The idea of a "scale" or being in/out of someone's league is kind of passe, we'll admit. Still, there's something about a major change in your partner that can spawn a few questions or concerns.
It's perfectly natural to wonder if things will change once you or your partner makes a big change and there are questions about whether you're still in one another's "league." This can be particularly true since the physical change = relationship change trope has been drilled into a lot of us since childhood.
Reddit user jwburner asked:
So look, we're not going to lie to you. A lot of these end terribly. That's not much of a surprise. However - there are some responses here that are enough to renew our faith in real love; regardless of anyone's "league."
New Lifestyle
I dated a girl who, while she didn't exactly change, started putting more effort into her appearance. She assumed I didn't like the "new" her; getting her nails done and going tanning. Truthfully I didn't mind one way or another. I think it gave her a confidence boost.
Which was good until she got confident enough to cheat on me, citing that I "didn't fit with her new lifestyle."
Selfies
My significant other was born with hemifacial microsomia (basically no muscle tissue in her right cheek) and last year she got the seventh and last surgery to correct it.
I've always considered her to be out of my league. The confidence and love for herself that she gained after the surgery was amazing. Seeing her go from a shy girl who absolutely hated having her picture taken to randomly sending me selfies saying things like "I look good today" makes me tear up. I'm so happy to have been a part of her transformation.
Former Male Model
I've got it the other way - my significant other of 25+ yrs was a successful male model and pro athlete. A goodly proportion of his self esteem came from his looks and physicality. A few years ago he ended up in a wheelchair, getting a horrible cancer. He's aged, to put it mildly, and his legs have wasted away.
It's come out that in the back of his mind he thinks I'll leave him because he's not the man he was. Silly guy. I've always loved him for his big heart and disposition. He really hasn't changed at all in my eyes.
Like Milk
Giphy
My husband's always been out of my league. I'm definitely no higher than a 5 and I'm aging like milk. He has loved me unconditionally since we were teenagers. Obviously, I feel the same. Some people are just meant for each other.
Dramatic-Casual
My husband began dry-curing meats for a living. Suddenly he's got the sexiest set of guns and he smells like bacon. Random women have begun flirting with him. Now he dramatic-casual shows off his wedding ring a lot.
Money Changes People
My partner went from making around 30k a year (similar to what I was making) to making $150k a year after a few years. My income didn't change much except for normal raises. Partner's job also came with a lot of travel, international included.
It changed him drastically, to the point that he started sleeping with other girls while out of town and taking them on his trips. We're obviously not together anymore.
Put The Weight Back On
I was with a guy for years and I lost some weight, got pretty toned changed my hair and got a better job. None of it changed me, but it changed him. He started getting really paranoid about the male friends that I'd had for years- none of whom had been an issue before my transformation.
He started trying to stop me from going out and got super paranoid. He wanted me to stop going to the gym and to put the weight back on. It ended our relationship.
No More
My ex boyfriend went from chubby to body building competitions in the 2 years we dated. He went from being sweet to self absorbed and told me "There's a drop dead gorgeous girl at my gym you should workout so you can look like her."
I ran half marathons and was in great shape at the time. He also started eating the same thing every meal, so no more dinner or ice cream dates.
- abc-z
Boobs
My wife would turn every head in the room when she walked into it. She fell in love with my writing (read some of my stuff, tracked me down and asked me out). I'm not usually flustered around women, but when I took my first look I said to myself "Well, it looks like we're just going to be friends."
At the end of the date she said, "Hey, let's go mountain biking next Saturday!" I said, "Great!" At the time, I was heavily into competitive Mt. Biking and I found out she was able to keep up with me. We ended up being Mountaineering guides, buying a sailboat and living on it for 7 years, sailing across oceans.
After we got married I asked her, "So what was it? Why'd you want to marry me?" She replied, "You're the first person (man) I've come across that really listened to me. You're also the first man to have cared for and respect my intelligence. You're also a good man Dean, and cute!"
"You mean I'm not handsome?"
Wife: "Oh no! You're just cute! So why'd you decided to marry me Dean?"
Me: "Your boobs."
And then we laughed our butts off.
She was my one. The love of my life. Passed away this last may from breast cancer. She asked me once if I wanted to cut out 'cause her condition was getting very poor, she needed a lot of care and her physical beauty had faded. I replied, "Babe, there isn't a person on this planet or a situation that could take me away from you. You and me baby...all the way." And that's how it was.
Do It For The 'Gram
Giphy
She was really cute and nerdy, and our biggest thing on a Sunday was reading comics and talking about dumb things. She made a friend at work who got her into makeup. She got really good at it and it was fun for a while, but then the things that we bonded over fell to the wayside and our Sunday's turned to her being insta famous and going out to parties and stuff.
Instead of just rocking up to see each other I had to give her notice to do her make up. She started to get more insecure about her looks and needed constant compliments. Then she dumped me because we didn't "look good as a couple in photos" anymore.
She even moved to a different city for better photo opportunities and that's when I finally deleted her off Instagram.
Insecure
Former partner of mine went from cute to hot. And while that did not make her out of my league, she suddenly became much more insecure about things. It was weird.
- hythloth
I lost 50ish pounds and for awhile anyone I talked to would bring it up/compliment me. Weirded me out so much...like stop reminded me of my flesh prison, please.
I went from being short and chubby to tall and slim and counted as generally attractive but due to not being raised my whole life as a "attractive" person it causes me to be shy and awkward.
- Saint_c7
A Younger Version
Well, he got his braces off, decent glasses, found pants that were long enough, his acne (from 'roid use) cleared up and he found the right weight gain shake.
He cheated on me and left me for a younger version of me :)
- iraddney
Showering Matters
My ex boyfriend was one of those people that didn't really take care of himself and so he was very quiet because people used to tease him for it. I got him into the routine of showering every other day and ironing his clothes and he started to be more confident ... confident enough to cheat on me three times. Now he's a druggie and looks gross once again. Now no one will date him anymore.
A New Human
When my wife began dating me I was in the process of losing weight and getting fit. She was well out of my league (and still is) but at least I don't look like I've had 2 chocolate cakes for lunch anymore.
So far so good. We go to the gym together most days and we also created a new human together. The new human is particularly noisy.
"Sad Stage"
When I met my boyfriend, he was constantly down on himself because none of the girls he liked before me ever liked him and he thought there was something wrong with him. I watched him transform from a shy not confident guy into an amazing outgoing person with a charismatic personality.
Last week he wrote a paper for school about how I helped him grow out of his "sad stage" and it made me tear up :)
The One
I was dating a girl very tentatively - everyone knew we were a couple, but we had never even kissed, just did everything together and everyone treated us like a couple. Then I started training to be a fighter. I got super-ripped, got promotions at work, started winning some fights (ring, not street) and lots of other girls started hanging around.
This girl, whom I loved dearly, stopped wanting to see me, quit her job and moved cities. It almost broke me. She was probably 'The One'. I've never seen her since and I've never considered marrying anyone else.
Longterm Sabotage
Giphy
My girlfriend kept thinking I would cheat on her because I wasn't fat. Over time, she broke my exercise/eating habits so I gained 60 lb. Married me, but now doesn't find me very attractive anymore, so no sexy times.
I Left Her
I left her... although she was beautiful, but she had issues and got drunk so fast and so often. Beauty wasn't all I needed... I needed a partner.
Teddy Bear
I'm currently losing weight to fix some health issues I have, and my boyfriend is gaining weight and he's really insecure about it. He keeps thinking I'll leave him when I'm "out of his league." I've asked him if he wants to work out with me or go on a similar diet, but he doesn't want to. I'm not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to do, but he knows the offer is there.
He's always going to be my big cuddly teddy bear, and I'll love him no matter what sizes we are or what we look like.
Chubby Girl With A Hidden Talent
My girlfriend was the chubby girl people picked on and never chose for their team in high school. She got her PhD and a great job. In the past two years she's discovered a hidden talent for endurance sports and has consistently podiumed in every race she's competed in this past year.
She's now slim, successful, smart, and wildly athletic. To me she hasn't changed a bit and neither have I in her eyes. We're pretty happy as things are. We've just got new hobbies and encourage each other as we go through life together.
- lk05321
Caught On Early
Just to preface this whole thing, I'm not a 10/10 knockout or anything but I think most people would consider me to be pretty. I met my husband in high school when his hobbies included weed, video games, and playing guitar badly. He was chubby, short, going through an emo phase, and covered in bad acne. My father hated him. Obviously he stole my heart immediately.
When we got out of high school he worked mainly in fast food while I was a college student. He lived with his parents. My sisters were sure we'd break up and tried to convince me I could do better, but he's my best friend so I didn't care in the slightest. While I was in college he thought about going into the military, so he started working out daily. He got very fit very fast, and decided he no longer wanted to be in the military but wanted to go back to school. Just getting older and changing his diet cleared up his acne. Going back to school got him interested in dressing better. No other way to say it, he glowed up!
He's now on his way to being an electrical engineer, is still my best friend, and is honest to god out of my league in looks/physique. I'm crazy lucky that I caught on early and saw that potential. (And that bone structure)
He Cheated On Me Anyway
Giphy
Along similar lines, I lost 30 lbs and grew out my hair while I was with my boyfriend because I thought I would be more attractive. He cheated on me anyway, now I don't determine my worth by my fears about what others will think of me :)
Redditor istrx13 was wondering things families don't talk about...
They asked:
"What is the 'we don’t talk about that' in your family?"
I'm not getting into my family. You'll have to wait for the play.
The 30s...
"My great aunt was a nurse supervisor at a mental hospital back in the 1930s. She fell in love with a patient who was being evaluated to stand trial for murder. She helped him escape and they went to Florida to hide out. But they were eventually found and the guy was put on trial and got the chair. My aunt got off easy, but she moved far away and rarely came home."
p38-lightning
he didn't make it...
"The brother that was born between me and my first sister. It was my mothers second child. Apparently he only lived about 3 days. Neither my mom nor my dad ever wanted to talk about it much. My sisters and I both have seen the birth certificate, which my parents kept."
"We also know there were about 3 years where they waited before my mom became pregnant with my sister afterward. Both of my parents are deceased now and to be frank, I think I only got about a paragraph of conversation about it, ever, from either of my parents. Just a, 'he didn't make it.'"
"It's not creepy or some strange thing, it's just sad. You can tell it affected them both very powerfully, especially to go the rest of their lives and not really share it with current and future children they had. It must have been horrible."
suddenlyreddit
Now that she's dead...
"My mother's cult-induced severe mental illness, which caused her to viciously abuse her two oldest children verbally and physically, and forced my dad to have her committed to a mental hospital several times. Now that she's dead, we still don't talk about her much, lest she "come back from beyond the grave" and continue her lunatic ways..."
LusciousLennyStone
“drama”
"That I have been in contact with my birth family. My older brother and I are both adopted, but he has publicly stated that he has no intention to contact his own birth family, because, he feels that it would be disrespectful to the parents that have raised us, like, why mess with a good thing?"
"So, I’ve never told him that I did it. My husband also didn’t think I should contact them, he was concerned that there would be 'drama.' I keep in touch with some of my birth family mostly online and so far there’s been no drama."
Relevant_Proposal_63
Hey Stud
"That my late uncle was a gigolo. Only my father and I know the truth."
KazumaWillKiryu
rose love GIFGiphyNow being a gigolo has got to be a great story. Tell us more...
"always is right"
"My 'always right' aunty got proven wrong for once and rather than just accept it, she ghosted the whole family except for her immediate. Sometimes I talk to my cousins and always ask how wrong Wendi is doing?"
-AntiVegan-
Iliza Shlesinger Ghost GIF by IlizaGiphy"silver fox"
"How my uncle, whom is a single, 'silver fox' (so my grandma calls him), multimillionaire, executive of one of the big 3 car companies is secretly gay. We ALL know except grandma, that's why we don't talk about it. He also has no idea that the whole family knows."
laurmichele
All the Feels
"Sex, love, anorexia, emotions in general."
Constant-Memory-1069
"Mate, literally same. My parents are the most emotionally unavailable people I have ever met. It's not really their fault bc my entire family is cooked mental health wise, but damn."
"I'm convinced it was a huge contributing factor to my anorexia diagnosis. Lots of emotional turmoil but I wasn't taught how to talk about emotions, wasn't even really exposed to emotions, and no one to talk with about them anyway. Only way I could signal to the outside world I was not OK was starving myself, I guess. I'm ok now. Hope you are also ok."
Soggy_Biscuit_
Crazy Woman
"My cousin who is absolutely crazy. Got an abortion because she hated the guy, got married to him a few months later and started a family (they have 3 kids who are demons)… they moved out of state but she started coming back home once every few months to drop off the kids at her parents and then go on a bender and basically live in a motel for a few days."
"Then the divorce came, she married one of the guys she was banging on the side, got divorced again after cheating on him with husband number 1… now she’s dating her drug dealer. Again she still has custody of her 3 kids."
Old-Air1062
Whoops...
"I was a complete accident. They found out at the wedding and I’m pretty sure my Christian grandparents weren’t happy. They’ve only talked about it a few times."
AHorrorFreak
Pray I Hope GIFGiphySome secrets are meant to stay in the family and meant to go to the grave.
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I grew up poor, believe me I've imagined $50k a lot. "Shmoops" might get voted off the island when $50k keeps your babies safe and housed. Relax, animal lovers. Optimus Prime is in no danger of going anywhere.
Nobody is tryna pay $50k to be headbutted and farted at all day.
That fact is precisely why my reaction to someone offering me cash for him would be straight up suspicion.
Optimus is a big beautiful male pit bull with so much muscle that he has abs on his butt.
He doesn't have any official papers, and he's fixed so he can't be used for breeding.
He's not a therapy dog and doesn't do any special tricks (on purpose) and in the time it took me to write this intro he farted so loudly that he scared himself awake and then got so excited by the sudden wake up that he did 3 bunny bounces. It's clear this would not be a high-skilled-labor kind of hire, ya know?
So why would someone want to spend that much money on this dog specifically?
Hmm?
GiphyI'd be suspicious that anyone willing to drop serious money on him was going to try to use his size and strength in dog fights and THAT is not gonna fly with me. Not a chance.
The person offering would have to convince me that they're willing to spend that much money on a giant dumb pit bull for some non-fighting reason and that he would have a dope life. Maybe I'd say yes because they sincerely believe he's the reincarnated spirit of their college bro who died in a horrific skiing accident, and they need to take him on a cross country road trip to fulfill the last thing on their bromantic bucket list?
Maybe.
Reddit user spondgbob asked:
"If someone offered you $50,000 to buy your pet, how would you respond?"
Here's what Reddit has to say.
Outside
"I'd tell them to meet me outside the local PetSmart in an hour and then rush there and buy a hamster or something."
"Kind of my only option since I don't have a pet."
- eleven_eighteen
"You sir, are playing 3D chess while the rest of us are all playing checkers."
- StillAll
GiphyIrrational Love
"Great question."
"Made me think for a second because my immediate answer is no but upon thinking about it, and how badly I need the money, the answer is still no."
"Irrational love is crazy."
- To_Fight_The_Night
"Same."
"I could desperately use that money and there's nothing special about my cats. Took a moment to realize it's completely irrational but I could never part with these idiots."
"The harder question after this is at what price point, if any, would you do it?"
- joyfall
Everything Has A Price
"Everything has a price, and they’re in luck that the price for my blind, deaf, arthritic dog happens to be $50k"
- DoctorDblYou
"I mean $50k is $50k."
- MinnesotaMiller
"Like I get that some people view pets as family, good for them. I don't, so as long as they weren't gonna torture the animal or something, then 100% would do it."
- avelak
Poo Problems
" 'You may have the one that runs from it's own poo after it sh*ts' "
- Blastin-Ass
"Had a cat get spooked while sh*tting... when it finished he managed to nuke 4 rooms :( "
- tuffymon
"I call what my dog does a 'poop-about.' "
"Like a walk-about, but she is pooping as she waddles around the yard sniffing rocks and stuff. She's a weird critter and I love her more than anything."
- cycloptopussy
"One of my earliest memory is having a blast farting in the bathtub... and then..."
"Don't make fun of your pet, your own poop can be very scary and we deserve love no less than more courageous creatures."
- RaccoonyDave·
GiphyBye
"Give it to them."
"I love my aquarium and fish in it. But I could build a sweet aquarium set up with $50k."
- Inner-Nothing7779
"Exactly! I wouldn't sell my dog but I'd give my aquariums away for 50k."
"One of them is a custom that a built a background for and I'd still give it away for 50k."
- RPC3
"Yeah, I would sell my cat in a heartbeat. Call me a narcissist I guess."
"Good thing I dont have kids."
- Maggy_Monster
$100k
"I'll take the $100,000 in cash."
"50k to give him to you and another 50k to take him back tomorrow when you've finally reached your limit and can't keep him anymore."
"My dog has his own spirit animal, and that spirit animal is a bag of dicks."
"My dog has separation anxiety and a powerful set of lungs."
"I have to drop him off at my mom's house on the way to work so he can be with someone familiar or else he'll be howling all day. He sounds like a dying bison."
"I'm talking loud enough to hear inside your house half a block away. While he's *inside* my house!"
- Tobias_Atwood
Medical Needs
"I'd sell."
"My kitty is old at this point and I worry now. Someone willing to pay $50k for her probably has the money to take care of medical needs that will be coming soon. That's money I dont have."
"I love her, she has been my family for 17 years now, but if she gets sick reality is I'm gonna have to get her put down probably. She'd have a better chance with someone rich to spoil her at the end."
- BlueClouds42
GiphySick Sh*t
"I'm shocked by everyone saying they'd do it?!"
"If someone is willing to pay that much, just imagine the sick sh*t they are planning on doing. No way I could live with myself."
"Would you sell your kid? You can get a lot more than 50k for one of them..."
"I have a hard time believing someone willing to sell a dog for a 'lot of money' wouldn't be tempted to or actually sell a child."
"It's alooooot of money for children, so if money is the motivator...."
- Pepperclue_55
Little Napoleon
"Couldn't sell."
"My a$$hole cat is a jerk, but family. Though I would expect a lot of push to sell him since he is mean to everyone with only rare moments of niceness."
"Plus they whoever got him would likely kill him."
"He is allergic to fish, can't wear a collar even a breakaway one (somehow almost strangled himself twice), sits in the middle of the road if he escapes, eats the random stuff on the ground, randomly attacks people (full on claws, teeth- goes for the veins usually breaks skin and causes a bruise), has diseases, and goes after other animals in the house regardless of size."
"I hate it and get mad at my boyfriend every time he says it, but he jokes that natural selection is trying its best with my cat. He's kind of right."
"He is untrainable and awful, but incredibly cute and everyone wants to pet him (but quickly learn not to go near him.) At least he does not attack kids 5 and under though."
"I wanted to name him lil Napoleon as he is perpetually ready for a battle and a short legged munchkin. I took him in from my sister but couldn't change his name so it became my nickname for him."
- Wolfling
Get Over It
"It is a beta fish that we have had for six days. The kids are currently celebrating it still being alive because they accidentally killed our first fish in about six hours."
"Suffice to say, I’m pretty sure we can get them over it."
"Yes please on the $50,000."
- NurmGurpler
Time to be honest with yourself—would you do it?
What would your reaction be?
Let's argue in the comments!
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