The idea of a "scale" or being in/out of someone's league is kind of passe, we'll admit. Still, there's something about a major change in your partner that can spawn a few questions or concerns.
It's perfectly natural to wonder if things will change once you or your partner makes a big change and there are questions about whether you're still in one another's "league." This can be particularly true since the physical change = relationship change trope has been drilled into a lot of us since childhood.
Reddit user jwburner asked:
People who are or have been in a relationship where you're partner transformed (lost weight, grew out of their acne/awkwardness, got muscular, etc) into someone "out of your league." How did everything play out?
So look, we're not going to lie to you. A lot of these end terribly. That's not much of a surprise. However - there are some responses here that are enough to renew our faith in real love; regardless of anyone's "league."
New Lifestyle
"I dated a girl who, while she didn't exactly change, started putting more effort into her appearance. She assumed I didn't like the "new" her; getting her nails done and going tanning. Truthfully I didn't mind one way or another. I think it gave her a confidence boost."
"Which was good until she got confident enough to cheat on me, citing that I "didn't fit with her new lifestyle."
Selfies
"My significant other was born with hemifacial microsomia (basically no muscle tissue in her right cheek) and last year she got the seventh and last surgery to correct it."
"I've always considered her to be out of my league. The confidence and love for herself that she gained after the surgery was amazing. Seeing her go from a shy girl who absolutely hated having her picture taken to randomly sending me selfies saying things like "I look good today" makes me tear up. I'm so happy to have been a part of her transformation."
Former Male Model
"I've got it the other way - my significant other of 25+ yrs was a successful male model and pro athlete. A goodly proportion of his self esteem came from his looks and physicality. A few years ago he ended up in a wheelchair, getting a horrible cancer. He's aged, to put it mildly, and his legs have wasted away."
""It's come out that in the back of his mind he thinks I'll leave him because he's not the man he was. Silly guy. I've always loved him for his big heart and disposition. He really hasn't changed at all in my eyes.
Like Milk
Giphy
"My husband's always been out of my league. I'm definitely no higher than a 5 and I'm aging like milk. He has loved me unconditionally since we were teenagers. Obviously, I feel the same. Some people are just meant for each other."
Dramatic-Casual
"My husband began dry-curing meats for a living. Suddenly he's got the sexiest set of guns and he smells like bacon. Random women have begun flirting with him. Now he dramatic-casual shows off his wedding ring a lot."
Money Changes People
"My partner went from making around 30k a year (similar to what I was making) to making $150k a year after a few years. My income didn't change much except for normal raises. Partner's job also came with a lot of travel, international included."
"It changed him drastically, to the point that he started sleeping with other girls while out of town and taking them on his trips. We're obviously not together anymore."
Put The Weight Back On
"I was with a guy for years and I lost some weight, got pretty toned changed my hair and got a better job. None of it changed me, but it changed him. He started getting really paranoid about the male friends that I'd had for years- none of whom had been an issue before my transformation."
"He started trying to stop me from going out and got super paranoid. He wanted me to stop going to the gym and to put the weight back on. It ended our relationship."
No More
"My ex boyfriend went from chubby to body building competitions in the 2 years we dated. He went from being sweet to self absorbed and told me "There's a drop dead gorgeous girl at my gym you should workout so you can look like her."
"I ran half marathons and was in great shape at the time. He also started eating the same thing every meal, so no more dinner or ice cream dates."
- abc-z
Boobs
"My wife would turn every head in the room when she walked into it. She fell in love with my writing (read some of my stuff, tracked me down and asked me out). I'm not usually flustered around women, but when I took my first look I said to myself "Well, it looks like we're just going to be friends."
"At the end of the date she said, "Hey, let's go mountain biking next Saturday!" I said, "Great!" At the time, I was heavily into competitive Mt. Biking and I found out she was able to keep up with me. We ended up being Mountaineering guides, buying a sailboat and living on it for 7 years, sailing across oceans."
"After we got married I asked her, "So what was it? Why'd you want to marry me?" She replied, "You're the first person (man) I've come across that really listened to me. You're also the first man to have cared for and respect my intelligence. You're also a good man Dean, and cute!"
"You mean I'm not handsome?"
"Wife: "Oh no! You're just cute! So why'd you decided to marry me Dean?"
Me: "Your boobs."
"And then we laughed our butts off."
"She was my one. The love of my life. Passed away this last may from breast cancer. She asked me once if I wanted to cut out 'cause her condition was getting very poor, she needed a lot of care and her physical beauty had faded. I replied, "Babe, there isn't a person on this planet or a situation that could take me away from you. You and me baby...all the way." And that's how it was."
Do It For The 'Gram
Giphy
"She was really cute and nerdy, and our biggest thing on a Sunday was reading comics and talking about dumb things. She made a friend at work who got her into makeup. She got really good at it and it was fun for a while, but then the things that we bonded over fell to the wayside and our Sunday's turned to her being insta famous and going out to parties and stuff."
"Instead of just rocking up to see each other I had to give her notice to do her make up. She started to get more insecure about her looks and needed constant compliments. Then she dumped me because we didn't "look good as a couple in photos" anymore."
"She even moved to a different city for better photo opportunities and that's when I finally deleted her off Instagram."
Insecure
"Former partner of mine went from cute to hot. And while that did not make her out of my league, she suddenly became much more insecure about things. It was weird."
- hythloth
"I lost 50ish pounds and for awhile anyone I talked to would bring it up/compliment me. Weirded me out so much...like stop reminded me of my flesh prison, please."
"I went from being short and chubby to tall and slim and counted as generally attractive but due to not being raised my whole life as a "attractive" person it causes me to be shy and awkward."
- Saint_c7
A Younger Version
"Well, he got his braces off, decent glasses, found pants that were long enough, his acne (from 'roid use) cleared up and he found the right weight gain shake."
"He cheated on me and left me for a younger version of me."
- iraddney
Showering Matters
"My ex boyfriend was one of those people that didn't really take care of himself and so he was very quiet because people used to tease him for it. I got him into the routine of showering every other day and ironing his clothes and he started to be more confident ... confident enough to cheat on me three times. Now he's a druggie and looks gross once again. Now no one will date him anymore."
A New Human
"When my wife began dating me I was in the process of losing weight and getting fit. She was well out of my league (and still is) but at least I don't look like I've had 2 chocolate cakes for lunch anymore."
"So far so good. We go to the gym together most days and we also created a new human together. The new human is particularly noisy."
"Sad Stage"
"When I met my boyfriend, he was constantly down on himself because none of the girls he liked before me ever liked him and he thought there was something wrong with him. I watched him transform from a shy not confident guy into an amazing outgoing person with a charismatic personality."
"Last week he wrote a paper for school about how I helped him grow out of his "sad stage" and it made me tear up"
The One
"I was dating a girl very tentatively - everyone knew we were a couple, but we had never even kissed, just did everything together and everyone treated us like a couple. Then I started training to be a fighter. I got super-ripped, got promotions at work, started winning some fights (ring, not street) and lots of other girls started hanging around."
"This girl, whom I loved dearly, stopped wanting to see me, quit her job and moved cities. It almost broke me. She was probably 'The One'. I've never seen her since and I've never considered marrying anyone else."
Longterm Sabotage
Giphy
"My girlfriend kept thinking I would cheat on her because I wasn't fat. Over time, she broke my exercise/eating habits so I gained 60 lb. Married me, but now doesn't find me very attractive anymore, so no sexy times."
I Left Her
"I left her... although she was beautiful, but she had issues and got drunk so fast and so often. Beauty wasn't all I needed... I needed a partner."
Teddy Bear
"I'm currently losing weight to fix some health issues I have, and my boyfriend is gaining weight and he's really insecure about it. He keeps thinking I'll leave him when I'm "out of his league." I've asked him if he wants to work out with me or go on a similar diet, but he doesn't want to. I'm not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to do, but he knows the offer is there."
"He's always going to be my big cuddly teddy bear, and I'll love him no matter what sizes we are or what we look like."
Chubby Girl With A Hidden Talent
"My girlfriend was the chubby girl people picked on and never chose for their team in high school. She got her PhD and a great job. In the past two years she's discovered a hidden talent for endurance sports and has consistently podiumed in every race she's competed in this past year."
"She's now slim, successful, smart, and wildly athletic. To me she hasn't changed a bit and neither have I in her eyes. We're pretty happy as things are. We've just got new hobbies and encourage each other as we go through life together."
- lk05321
Caught On Early
"Just to preface this whole thing, I'm not a 10/10 knockout or anything but I think most people would consider me to be pretty. I met my husband in high school when his hobbies included weed, video games, and playing guitar badly. He was chubby, short, going through an emo phase, and covered in bad acne. My father hated him. Obviously he stole my heart immediately."
"When we got out of high school he worked mainly in fast food while I was a college student. He lived with his parents. My sisters were sure we'd break up and tried to convince me I could do better, but he's my best friend so I didn't care in the slightest. While I was in college he thought about going into the military, so he started working out daily. He got very fit very fast, and decided he no longer wanted to be in the military but wanted to go back to school. Just getting older and changing his diet cleared up his acne. Going back to school got him interested in dressing better. No other way to say it, he glowed up!"
"He's now on his way to being an electrical engineer, is still my best friend, and is honest to god out of my league in looks/physique. I'm crazy lucky that I caught on early and saw that potential. (And that bone structure)."
He Cheated On Me Anyway
Giphy
"Along similar lines, I lost 30 lbs and grew out my hair while I was with my boyfriend because I thought I would be more attractive. He cheated on me anyway, now I don't determine my worth by my fears about what others will think of me."
It's not all happily ever afters after you say I do.
Do you have similar stories to share? Let us know below.
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***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
Shocked Oh No GIF by Yêu LuGiphy"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
That 70S Show Reaction GIF by LaffGiphy"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"
You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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