People Who Married Someone Who Then Became 'Out Of Their League' Explain What Happened

The idea of a "scale" or being in/out of someone's league is kind of passe, we'll admit. Still, there's something about a major change in your partner that can spawn a few questions or concerns.
It's perfectly natural to wonder if things will change once you or your partner makes a big change and there are questions about whether you're still in one another's "league." This can be particularly true since the physical change = relationship change trope has been drilled into a lot of us since childhood.
Reddit user jwburner asked:
People who are or have been in a relationship where you're partner transformed (lost weight, grew out of their acne/awkwardness, got muscular, etc) into someone "out of your league." How did everything play out?
So look, we're not going to lie to you. A lot of these end terribly. That's not much of a surprise. However - there are some responses here that are enough to renew our faith in real love; regardless of anyone's "league."
New Lifestyle
"I dated a girl who, while she didn't exactly change, started putting more effort into her appearance. She assumed I didn't like the "new" her; getting her nails done and going tanning. Truthfully I didn't mind one way or another. I think it gave her a confidence boost."
"Which was good until she got confident enough to cheat on me, citing that I "didn't fit with her new lifestyle."
Selfies
"My significant other was born with hemifacial microsomia (basically no muscle tissue in her right cheek) and last year she got the seventh and last surgery to correct it."
"I've always considered her to be out of my league. The confidence and love for herself that she gained after the surgery was amazing. Seeing her go from a shy girl who absolutely hated having her picture taken to randomly sending me selfies saying things like "I look good today" makes me tear up. I'm so happy to have been a part of her transformation."
Former Male Model
"I've got it the other way - my significant other of 25+ yrs was a successful male model and pro athlete. A goodly proportion of his self esteem came from his looks and physicality. A few years ago he ended up in a wheelchair, getting a horrible cancer. He's aged, to put it mildly, and his legs have wasted away."
""It's come out that in the back of his mind he thinks I'll leave him because he's not the man he was. Silly guy. I've always loved him for his big heart and disposition. He really hasn't changed at all in my eyes.
Like Milk
"My husband's always been out of my league. I'm definitely no higher than a 5 and I'm aging like milk. He has loved me unconditionally since we were teenagers. Obviously, I feel the same. Some people are just meant for each other."
Dramatic-Casual
"My husband began dry-curing meats for a living. Suddenly he's got the sexiest set of guns and he smells like bacon. Random women have begun flirting with him. Now he dramatic-casual shows off his wedding ring a lot."
Money Changes People
"My partner went from making around 30k a year (similar to what I was making) to making $150k a year after a few years. My income didn't change much except for normal raises. Partner's job also came with a lot of travel, international included."
"It changed him drastically, to the point that he started sleeping with other girls while out of town and taking them on his trips. We're obviously not together anymore."
Put The Weight Back On
"I was with a guy for years and I lost some weight, got pretty toned changed my hair and got a better job. None of it changed me, but it changed him. He started getting really paranoid about the male friends that I'd had for years- none of whom had been an issue before my transformation."
"He started trying to stop me from going out and got super paranoid. He wanted me to stop going to the gym and to put the weight back on. It ended our relationship."
No More
"My ex boyfriend went from chubby to body building competitions in the 2 years we dated. He went from being sweet to self absorbed and told me "There's a drop dead gorgeous girl at my gym you should workout so you can look like her."
"I ran half marathons and was in great shape at the time. He also started eating the same thing every meal, so no more dinner or ice cream dates."
- abc-z
Boobs
"My wife would turn every head in the room when she walked into it. She fell in love with my writing (read some of my stuff, tracked me down and asked me out). I'm not usually flustered around women, but when I took my first look I said to myself "Well, it looks like we're just going to be friends."
"At the end of the date she said, "Hey, let's go mountain biking next Saturday!" I said, "Great!" At the time, I was heavily into competitive Mt. Biking and I found out she was able to keep up with me. We ended up being Mountaineering guides, buying a sailboat and living on it for 7 years, sailing across oceans."
"After we got married I asked her, "So what was it? Why'd you want to marry me?" She replied, "You're the first person (man) I've come across that really listened to me. You're also the first man to have cared for and respect my intelligence. You're also a good man Dean, and cute!"
"You mean I'm not handsome?"
"Wife: "Oh no! You're just cute! So why'd you decided to marry me Dean?"
Me: "Your boobs."
"And then we laughed our butts off."
"She was my one. The love of my life. Passed away this last may from breast cancer. She asked me once if I wanted to cut out 'cause her condition was getting very poor, she needed a lot of care and her physical beauty had faded. I replied, "Babe, there isn't a person on this planet or a situation that could take me away from you. You and me baby...all the way." And that's how it was."
Do It For The 'Gram
"She was really cute and nerdy, and our biggest thing on a Sunday was reading comics and talking about dumb things. She made a friend at work who got her into makeup. She got really good at it and it was fun for a while, but then the things that we bonded over fell to the wayside and our Sunday's turned to her being insta famous and going out to parties and stuff."
"Instead of just rocking up to see each other I had to give her notice to do her make up. She started to get more insecure about her looks and needed constant compliments. Then she dumped me because we didn't "look good as a couple in photos" anymore."
"She even moved to a different city for better photo opportunities and that's when I finally deleted her off Instagram."
Insecure
"Former partner of mine went from cute to hot. And while that did not make her out of my league, she suddenly became much more insecure about things. It was weird."
- hythloth
"I lost 50ish pounds and for awhile anyone I talked to would bring it up/compliment me. Weirded me out so much...like stop reminded me of my flesh prison, please."
"I went from being short and chubby to tall and slim and counted as generally attractive but due to not being raised my whole life as a "attractive" person it causes me to be shy and awkward."
- Saint_c7
A Younger Version
"Well, he got his braces off, decent glasses, found pants that were long enough, his acne (from 'roid use) cleared up and he found the right weight gain shake."
"He cheated on me and left me for a younger version of me."
- iraddney
Showering Matters
"My ex boyfriend was one of those people that didn't really take care of himself and so he was very quiet because people used to tease him for it. I got him into the routine of showering every other day and ironing his clothes and he started to be more confident ... confident enough to cheat on me three times. Now he's a druggie and looks gross once again. Now no one will date him anymore."
A New Human
"When my wife began dating me I was in the process of losing weight and getting fit. She was well out of my league (and still is) but at least I don't look like I've had 2 chocolate cakes for lunch anymore."
"So far so good. We go to the gym together most days and we also created a new human together. The new human is particularly noisy."
"Sad Stage"
"When I met my boyfriend, he was constantly down on himself because none of the girls he liked before me ever liked him and he thought there was something wrong with him. I watched him transform from a shy not confident guy into an amazing outgoing person with a charismatic personality."
"Last week he wrote a paper for school about how I helped him grow out of his "sad stage" and it made me tear up"
The One
"I was dating a girl very tentatively - everyone knew we were a couple, but we had never even kissed, just did everything together and everyone treated us like a couple. Then I started training to be a fighter. I got super-ripped, got promotions at work, started winning some fights (ring, not street) and lots of other girls started hanging around."
"This girl, whom I loved dearly, stopped wanting to see me, quit her job and moved cities. It almost broke me. She was probably 'The One'. I've never seen her since and I've never considered marrying anyone else."
Longterm Sabotage
"My girlfriend kept thinking I would cheat on her because I wasn't fat. Over time, she broke my exercise/eating habits so I gained 60 lb. Married me, but now doesn't find me very attractive anymore, so no sexy times."
I Left Her
"I left her... although she was beautiful, but she had issues and got drunk so fast and so often. Beauty wasn't all I needed... I needed a partner."
Teddy Bear
"I'm currently losing weight to fix some health issues I have, and my boyfriend is gaining weight and he's really insecure about it. He keeps thinking I'll leave him when I'm "out of his league." I've asked him if he wants to work out with me or go on a similar diet, but he doesn't want to. I'm not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to do, but he knows the offer is there."
"He's always going to be my big cuddly teddy bear, and I'll love him no matter what sizes we are or what we look like."
Chubby Girl With A Hidden Talent
"My girlfriend was the chubby girl people picked on and never chose for their team in high school. She got her PhD and a great job. In the past two years she's discovered a hidden talent for endurance sports and has consistently podiumed in every race she's competed in this past year."
"She's now slim, successful, smart, and wildly athletic. To me she hasn't changed a bit and neither have I in her eyes. We're pretty happy as things are. We've just got new hobbies and encourage each other as we go through life together."
- lk05321
Caught On Early
"Just to preface this whole thing, I'm not a 10/10 knockout or anything but I think most people would consider me to be pretty. I met my husband in high school when his hobbies included weed, video games, and playing guitar badly. He was chubby, short, going through an emo phase, and covered in bad acne. My father hated him. Obviously he stole my heart immediately."
"When we got out of high school he worked mainly in fast food while I was a college student. He lived with his parents. My sisters were sure we'd break up and tried to convince me I could do better, but he's my best friend so I didn't care in the slightest. While I was in college he thought about going into the military, so he started working out daily. He got very fit very fast, and decided he no longer wanted to be in the military but wanted to go back to school. Just getting older and changing his diet cleared up his acne. Going back to school got him interested in dressing better. No other way to say it, he glowed up!"
"He's now on his way to being an electrical engineer, is still my best friend, and is honest to god out of my league in looks/physique. I'm crazy lucky that I caught on early and saw that potential. (And that bone structure)."
He Cheated On Me Anyway
"Along similar lines, I lost 30 lbs and grew out my hair while I was with my boyfriend because I thought I would be more attractive. He cheated on me anyway, now I don't determine my worth by my fears about what others will think of me."
It's not all happily ever afters after you say I do.
Do you have similar stories to share? Let us know below.
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Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Life can change in an instant.
It can always change for the better.
Just ask any lottery winner.
Sadly, life can also take a turn for the worst and leave people shattered beyond repair.
Watching someone's life fall apart in a short amount of time is difficult.
You have to wonder if there really is such a thing as karma, bad luck, or Voodoo.
Redditor OkImagination5852 wanted to hear about the times we've been witness to personal disaster. They asked:
"People who witness a person's life crumble in a single day, what happened?"
I have lived through a lot of bad days. But thankfully they've been one disaster at a time days. So I guess I'm lucky.
Horror
"A friend of a friend had his entire family killed overnight. He was from my college and was home visiting his family. His parents, siblings, and extended family were all there together. One night, while they were all asleep, his father got up, took out a gun, and went on a shooting spree. He then killed himself."
"Everyone except this guy died on the spot. When my friend visited him at the hospital, the guy was still in shock. He had no idea why his father did that. This was more than a decade ago, and I have no idea how he's doing now."
DeadOnDeparture98
The IRS Called
"Knew a guy who had a nice house, wife, 3 kids. Machine shop in his garage, Snap On tool truck, sign out front, great mechanic. Never incorporated, didn't pay taxes on his business, cash only. Took nice vacations, bought a boat, then a camper. Five years later, the IRS came. I don't know what they estimated he owed but they seized everything. He lives alone in a trailer now."
Nobody_Wins_13
2 at Once
"My mom’s dad and dad’s mom both died on the same day. Completely unrelated. We were pretty messed up for awhile. It was 2010. Mom's dad had emphysema (lifetime smoker) and was pretty sick for a few weeks. I was in college at the time and came home to be with him, because we knew he was about to pass. Dad's mom was in the nursing home, as she had had a stroke and also had dementia (she often thought I was my dad, she thought we were in the 70s, etc.)."
"She took a turn for the worst, and so my dad left the hospice my grandpa was at and went to be with her. The towns they were in were about an hour apart, so I stayed behind with my mom to comfort her when her dad passed. A few hours go by, and he passes peacefully (huge thanks to the hospice workers for their respect and grace during this time)."
"Within an hour or so of his passing, we get a call from my dad saying that his mother had passed as well. It was a terribly dark day in our family, and the next couple years for me in college were pretty much a blur. Thankfully, things got better in time and we are all doing well now."
She lost everything...
"Her husband left her after previously persuading her to remortgage their house to save his business and he's already made her take multiple credit cards out in her name. She lost everything. He did it the week after their youngest turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He'd obviously been planning for years."
Ieatclowns
a black sheep...
"My cousin was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend died. She broke her back. When she was in the hospital she learned she was pregnant. It's been 16 years and we're still trying our best, she took an all too familiar path of drugs, burning bridges and more pregnancies."
"At this point she's fairly stable and clean as far as I know but a bit of a black sheep. Her mother has custody of all one of her kids. She has her youngest and seems to be doing good by her, but who knows. It's been hard on everyone, especially her mother and her brother."
Paradigm6790
Well this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm grateful for every moment I have alive.
Several lawsuits are filed...
"Here is multiple lives ruined in an instant. A friend was over at some other people house, drugs were involved. They had been playing with a gun. My friend points the gun at a girl, pulls the trigger and shoots her in the head. Girl dies, friend gets locked up until he turns 18. Parents at the house get arrested because they knew what the kids were doing. Friends mom goes into a depression and ends up getting evicted from her house. Several lawsuits are filed."
sentondan
Gone Forever
"It was me... got in a car accident and suffered a traumatic spinal and brain injury that I had no chance of surviving... a 7 vertebrae spinal fusion, yrs of physical and mental therapy... 18 yrs later and the pieces, though many forever gone, are finally coming back together."
2boneskuLL
A Bad Night
"He trashed his fathers vacation house with an axe before setting it on fire, stabbed the neighbor nearly to death, stole their car and then crashed it into a cop car so bad the cops were injured. He also got his girl pregnant, so once he is out of prison they're gonna start a family."
Dumbing_It_Down
"dangerous"
"Pregnant friend found out husband (43) was having an affair with young woman (19) who was a volunteer at their ecolodge. Friend had 'dangerous' pregnancy and had to spend a lot of time in bed. This betrayal destroyed their marriage, split the little town where they lived and caused two employees to quit because witnessing the affair going on was just too painful."
"She had a beautiful baby girl (to go with her other two girls, lol) and after the breakup was clinically depressed. Worked hard and got a divorce (she had a great lawyer); got the business back on track; beat her depression and now is planning a great vacation trip with her girls."
"Meantime, Dad has generous visitation but just 'hasn't gotten around to' buying a car seat so he can pick up the baby and for a long time asked my friend, 'Can you drop the girls off at my Mom's?'"
NoBSforGma
Lost it All...
"Recently, I know of a guy that had borrowed all his family’s life savings for the most part to participate in the whole game stop stock thing happening… he lost every penny of his money (credit card advances), and his parents retirement, and every other dime he could get… it makes me sick to even think of it."
Bangbangsmashsmash
Well those are A LOT of bad days. Good luck to all of you.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Those who are wealthy have the luxury of acquiring the best of the best–whether it's dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant or status-identifying clothing from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent.
But even the rich have their limits when it comes to frivolous spending before casting judgment on friends or colleagues.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Sasquatchfl asked:
"Rich people of Reddit, what's the craziest/most unethical thing you've seen people in your circle spend money on?"
Expensive experiences were a priority over prized possessions.
Live Sushi
"An ex worked for Dell in the late 90s/early 2000s. He was pretty high up and there were lots of partiers in his work circle. Went to a party hosted by one of the dellionaires and there was a body sushi girl. I don’t know what was paid to her, but it was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
Pissing Contest
"Paid a group of homeless guys to only use the bathroom on a competitors business. Eventually bought that place for a massive discount."
– Haboobalub
Let's Work Out
"My mother woke up one morning and said she felt she was way too fat and she wanted to get a treadmill. The treadmill wouldn’t be a problem, but then she saw where it would be and didn’t like the lighting. Fast forward 2 months later there’s a 40k outdoor gym built and connected to the house. She hasn’t used it once."
– Herrera5449_
Taking A Leap
"Travelled with a bunch of ex 'friends' all fairly wealthy."
"First trip to SE Asia together and as an ex-local I was a de-facto tour guide (despite not being there in over a decade)"
"They somehow found and offered a bunch of kids diving off cliffs to jump for spare change."
"They increasingly challenged each other to land their coins as close to the cliff base and small surrounding rocks for the kids to dive for."
– Satakans
It's about the finer things in life.
Expensive Party Gag
"A 3k ouija board from Gwen Paltrow's store. I didn't even know it was a thing until the dude brought it out. I really wanted to cut it up and see what it was made from. Looked nice don't get me wrong but the thing is basically a party gag. For 3 grand, it better summon a demon that's all I'm saying."
– con_this
Slow Burn
"$600 USD for a candle."
– Jeffranks
It's not always about the things you acquire.
Minor Inconvenience
"I know a guy who went to get a new drivers license and had to pay ~$100k in back parking tickets, then joked about it after."
"Apparently he couldn't get a permit to park in front of his house, so he just did anyway, and accepted like a $200 fine everyday."
– melodyze
For A Successful Election
"Not me, but I know a guy who crowd funded (read: threw a bunch of money into, then solicited more at a flea market) $80,000 toward his friend's DA election campaign. The guy won. So far, this has paid back at least $120K in avoided legal fees. I know some rich people. Most of them are more boring than you think. Hell, most of them drive Hondas, Toyotas, and Nissans."
– KP_Wrath
The Lance Corporal
"I was stationed with a Lance Corporal who was wealthy beyond means after selling some of his patents. He owned and piloted four helicopters. Lived in a palatial waterfront house in Jacksonville, NC."
"The cheapest one cost 400K. That's the one he trained on. The most expensive was about 1.2 million. That's 1.2 million 1981 dollars. The two he's got now are about 5 million each."
"Had a floating landing pad out back moored to his dock and another landing pad in the back yard. Kept two helicopters and a Rolls inside his custom-built hangar at Norfolk International Airport."
"He drove a pair of Rolls-Royces. He also toyed with a 900K Miami-Vice type speedboat. He also housed and transported his squad to Camp Lejeune and back in a custom mini-bus."
– ApplicationConnect55
The dude was very giving and lived a very clean life. He'd fly us to Norfolk, pickup the car and we'd do our shopping and eating. Hop in a chopper and return home. He'd fly his fire team down to Miami on weekends. He kept a Limo there and wore a chauffer's outfit and did all the driving.
He bought a full-service and licensed pub in Northern Ireland. He lives there with his wife. Does a lot of charity work there. We still keep in touch."
– ApplicationConnect55
When there's plenty of money going around, there's no need to worry about a single thing.
That peace of mind is a luxury in itself.
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When marriages or relationships fall apart, infidelity is not always the cause.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"

You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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