Marriage isn't easy. Even if it isn't your thing, these simple rules, such as respect, communication, and honesty, can be applied to many types of relationships.
NemoBalimo asked married couples of Reddit: What are the unspoken rules of a successful marriage?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Maintain mutual respect.
Respectfulness is often more important than the old saying about communication. Respecting your partner, being mindful of things they're doing, etc.
Learn when your partner is focused on something, and avoid interrupting them, etc.
Respect each other's need for free-time away from each other.
Respect your partner enough to not trash the house, or force your partner to do all the household chores.
I agree with this. I'm pretty terrible at communication. We both know this. What I won't do is blame him for my lack of clarity, I won't let things boil over to the point where I would say mean things to him because I respect him and our relationship too much. We are a team in this life.
What I won't do is blame him for my lack of clarity
This is a big one all in itself. =)
When you're married for a while, it might feel like your partner can read your mind -- but they can't. Misinterpretations will happen, and that's okay.
There's no shame in being wrong. Let it go.
Sometimes you're wrong and sometimes they're wrong. Don't keep score, and don't use "well last time..." as an excuse to keep going when you're the one who is wrong.
Also, talk things through.
Can't stress this enough. Not married but this is one of the bigger reasons my last relationship didn't work out. Ive tried to talk things out but it could only get so far. Don't keep score. Forgive and forget or if anything move the fuck on.
All you need is love.
Love your partner the way they need to be loved, not the way you need to be loved.
How do you learn the way your partner needs to be loved?
You get to know them.
Read the book "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman.
Honesty is the best policy.
Everybody always says to be honest and to communicate with each other. The extra step that is left out is to not punish your spouse for being honest. Sometimes you might hear things you don't like, but if you punish this honesty, the communication line will close.
Sometimes you might hear things you don't like, but if you punish this honestly, the communication line will close.
This, right here, is massively important. Neither of you is perfect and you will both make mistakes. Learning from them and growing is what makes us better as individuals and you should trust that your spouse loves you in spite of, and sometimes even because of, your imperfections. Not everything is going to be great and easy all the time and you have to feel ok being vulnerable and be ok with your spouses vulnerability.
Strive to make each other better. Strive to be better for one another.
Sometimes you need to agree to disagree.
There's no "winning" an argument when you're married. You either come to an agreement somehow or you've both lost. A situation where one person walks away feeling discouraged, unheard, and disrespected is not a victory when you're married.
Yep! When i go to a shower and they ask for advice for the newlyweds, mine is always: "Don't forget you are both on the same team." If you are fighting against each other instead of working towards the goal, it goes bad really fast. The worst time in my marriage is when we stopped rooting for each other and forgot that we were supposed to work together. And it almost ended us.
My favorite saying is, "it's not you vs. your SO, it's you two vs. the problem"
Make each other feel safe, even in the grossest of times.
Sometimes you'll be helping each other poop or puke or both and cleaning it up.
Don't ever bring this back up to humiliate the other.
My partner and I fist bump whenever we fart. It works out because I'm a silent but deadly farter most of the time so he gets a heads up.
The best part is that his dad figured it out after my partner farted audibly and i reluctantly held out a fist. His mom, however, saw random fist bumps and was convinced we were making fun of her. She claimed that on two separate occasions in the span of a month.
Be the partner you want.
I'm a divorce attorney and I've been married for almost 20 years. Here's the secret: be the kind of spouse that you would like to have by your side. Forgive the things you would like to be forgiven for and fight for the things that you would like someone to fight for on your behalf. The best way to have a good spouse is to be one.
Don't nitpick.
Don't correct the other person unless it's important. Otherwise it'll just raise the level of irritation. More generally, pick your battles.
Yup, my wife mispeaks all the time. Tonight she asked me to put "ice on the front step." I know she meant salt, what good would pointing it out make.
I realize you're talking about bigger things, but if it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
Caveat that goes with all rules, only applies if that isn't part of your fun dynamic. My wife loves to correct my grammatical and historical mistakes, and since I really don't care what exact year group x won what war, or the proper usage of idiom y, well let's play games.
She corrects, I go nahhhh it was original assertion, she checks google and dances a happy dance and I sit back and continue not caring and happy she is happy.
Mind the marital money.
I'm not married but my dad once told me to never make a big purchase without taking to your spouse about it and to never hold money against each other.
We have what we call the bullsh*t budget. Each of us gets a set amount of money to spend each quarter on what ever we want. If one of us wants to spendour share on one expensive thing that's fine, but you don't get more bullshit money until next quarter.
Otherwise we basically chair a meeting to determine if we get the item,if there's money for it this quarter/where money will come from in the next budget to accommodate it.
I think about this every time Lexus runs it's holiday ads with giant bows on cars. Those are giant bows on divorces. I would lose my mind if my wife bought me a $60,000 anything without discussing it first.
Establish boundaries and rules.
Making all the rules spoken. Unspoken rules are basically land mines.
Agreed. Nothing ruins a(ny) relationship faster than taking something for granted which never has been communicated.
This hurts because it's true and I learned it the hard way.
Those who grew up between the '80s and early 2000s have a long memory of items and experiences that either went out of style or disappeared completely.
From early PC games to Blockbuster to favorite snacks, there's a lot to miss from childhood.
But the odd thing is how quietly some of these things went away, and how few people seemed to notice.
Feeling nostalgic, Redditor lukiiiiii asked:
"What quietly went away without anyone noticing?"
Top-Notch Abbreviations
"ROFL (Rolling on the Floor Laughing) dropped off of the face of the planet, and now we just go straight from LOL (Laughing Out Loud) to LMAO (Laughing My A** Off)."
"I've been using it way more lately because of this. ROFL; can't let the classics die."
- habofi2125
Save Those Box Tops!
"Actual toys in cereal boxes and Cracker Jack boxes."
- GuttMilton
The Early Facebook Years
"Facebook 'Poke' wars."
- Hot_buttered_toast
How the Times Have Changed
"People calling them 'camera phones.'"
- NecroJoe
Advancing Technology
"When you turn off the TV, how the image would shrink to a dot before slowly fading away."
- ConcreteCubeFarm
TV Connection
"When you turn off the TV and then you run your finger on the screen and hear the crackle and feel the static on the glass."
- iwannaberockstar
Positive Environmental Change
"Acid Rain."
"It was a huge environmental issue in the late 70s through the early 90s. Rain was acidic and damaged fertile areas among other things."
"In the US, there was much research done, and eventually industrial regulations were put into place. Companies were allowed to decide what approach they chose to take as long as the results showed the appropriate amount of reduction in sulfur dioxide emissions."
"Unfortunately, positive news doesn't sell, so news outlets did not do justice to reporting this success. As we went into the 2000s, hardly anyone remembered what was done."
- GurglingWaffle
Can We Say, 'Nom Nom Nom'?
"McDonald's all-day breakfast menu."
- EmeraldAlicorn
Old Pastimes
"The pandemic killed a lot more than just people. I really miss McDonald's all-day breakfast."
"And being able to go to Walmart at 2 AM."
- LyrMeThatBifrost
The Days of Landlines and Cords
"I live in a rural area and have to pay for landline service to have internet. Since I have to pay for something so stupid, I figured I'd have to get something stupid."
"...So I got the hamburger phone from the movie 'Juno.'"
"Not gonna lie, the landline has come in clutch a few times, and holding a hamburger to your ear is amusing every time. 10/10 would recommend."
- Meat_Skeleton
Late-night Grocery Runs
"I think people have noticed now but at the time, nobody noticed it was happening: the closing of 24-hour stores. I live in a major city and we don’t have a single 24-hour grocery store ever since the pandemic."
- anxiousfamily
"In a World Where..."
"Movie trailers with that deep voice guy [Don LaFontaine] doing the voiceovers."
- jonathonkarate
SoBe Drinks
"SoBe. I think the last time I had one was at Quizno's."
"[cue 'X-Files' Music]"
- kooshipuff
Gizzard the Taco Bell Dog
"Taco Bell used to have a chihuahua as their mascot. Little dude just disappeared one day, and anyone born after 2000 probably doesn't even know what I am talking about."
- To_Fight_the_Night
Google+
"Google+ was the only social media our school forgot to block on our laptops, so I used it a lot. RIP."
- AgentBieber
Some of these really brought back some deeply-engrained memories for the '80s to '00s kids, and it's true that many of them blipped out of existence quietly.
But if this teaches us anything, it doesn't mean that "out of sight, out of mind" also has to mean "out of heart."
And let's have a moment of silence for the vocal stylings of Don LaFontaine and Gizzard the talking Taco Bell dog.
We all know that the human body is very complex.
But even with all the recorded and available science, there are certain things about our bodies that continue to elude us, and medical experts can still get stumped about how the human form reacts unpredictably.
Curious to discover some of the mystifying yet unsettling truths about our anatomy, Redditor Hot_Banana_Ice-cream asked:
"What is a creepy fact about the human body?"
Now, observe this.
Visceral Reaction
"If you wear glasses which vertically inverts your vision long enough, your brain will correct it, and you'll see things normal. But when your take those glasses off, everything will look upside-down again until brain recalibrates again."
– shadow29warrior
Brain Assessment
"Our brain filters out a lot of what we see along with just straight making sh*t up based on extrapolation."
– AdmiralClover
The Experiment
"My favorite is the blind spot at the center of each eye, where the optic nerve is."
"A lot of people don't even know it exists, and even if they do, it is bigger than people often think."
"And it's also really easy to demonstrate to people if you know how. It's one of my favorite bar tricks - all you need is a pen and a napkin to draw a cross and a dot."
https://thebrain.mcgill.ca/flash/capsules/experience_jaune06.html
Alternate demo: https://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/chvision.html
"Edit: If it doesn't work, you're doing something wrong - not getting close enough, the image is too small on your phone, you're not closing the correct eye or not keeping your gaze fixed on the cross."
"It isn't because you don't have a blind spot. Unless you're a squid, you have a blind spot. All vertebrates have them."
– M0dusPwnens
The workings of our innards are out of this world.
The intestines are covered by a double "fleece" of peritoneum. See it like a blanket.
When your intestines get damaged for whatever reason, this blanket starts moving out of itself and crawling upwards towards the place which has the injury. It will stay there until the injury is recovered. And then move on again.
Maybe not the most creepy fact, but definitely interesting in my opinion.
Do Do That Doo-Doo
"We don't just have one anal sphincter. When poo comes along it passes another inner sphincter which isn't under voluntary control."
"Sensory cells can detect whether you're about to pass gas or solid. From toddler age on, you can decide to go or not to go. If the time isn't right (e.g. at a friend's house or no toilet nearby), the inner sphincter can push the poo back and store it there for later."
"That's why sometimes if you need to do a number two but don't go, the urge goes away after about 20 minutes later. (But seriously, go if you can. Constipation risk.)"
"Gas can't be pushed back so easily, so we sometimes toot by accident when moving or engaging the core."
– bmb00zld
The Same Lining
"The inside of your cheek and your rectum are lined by the same type of tissue."
– GasTsnk87
You don't always have control of your body.
Taste Of Curiosity
"The front of your tongue is curious, constantly patrolling, and autonomous. It chases the dentist around your mouth and you aren’t even aware of it. So embarrassing and weird/creepy."
– AdeleBerncastel
Licking Partner
"In dental school, I learned this fact when practicing taking impressions on each other. My buddy’s tongue kept licking my finger. I asked him to quit licking me, and he was like 'I can’t help it!' And then we switched places and my tongue wouldn’t leave him alone.And for those of you that don’t think your tongue does this: some of you are right. But the majority of you just think your tongue is behaving, but it is all over the place without you even knowing."
– recoveringcultmember
Dancing With The Dead
"Bodies will move as they’re coming out of rigor. I’ve been bumped by a few (I’m a coroner). Bodies can also make sounds as the remaining air/ gas leaves… 2am in the morgue and I thought I was in COD zombies."
– Jar-JarShotFirst69
Wonder of wonders.
The Only Way Out
"When you get laser tattoo removal the ink doesn’t disappear, you pee it out."
"Your body’s immune system breaks down the pigments of ink and it flows in your blood stream, gets processed through your kidneys, then you pee out the ink."
– Fine_wonderland
Our soul-containing vessel is a mysterious wonder unique to us.
We should do whatever it takes to take great care of it because it's the only one we've got.
If we don't, they might turn on us.
People Explain Which Companies They Wish Would Go Out Of Business To Help Improve Society
When the global pandemic hit in march of 2020, countless companies saw themselves going under.
Sadly, some companies, from a wide variety of businesses, simply couldn't adapt to working under the parameters of social distancing, or couldn't adapt in time, resulting in them permanently closing their doors.
Many people were sad to see these companies close, while many others were even sadder that some companies managed to pull through and stay open.
Indeed, long before Covid-19 wreaked havoc on the world, some companies and corporations people felt were actually detrimental to society would be doing the world a favor by going out of business.
Redditor param_T_extends_THOT was curious to find out which companies people fell into this less than prolific category, leading them to ask:
"Which company could go out of business tomorrow and it would be to the betterment of this world?"
Nothing Express About It
"Express Scripts."- BadDadJokes
Wildly Different, Yet Equally Unnecessary
"Privatized prisons."
"Glitter manufacturers."- Sped-Connection
Where To Even Begin?
"The church of Scientology?"- dipshipsaidso
church building GIF by South Park GiphyBeware The Pyramids
"Any MLM bullsh*t."- Work-Alone
Taylor Swift Would Probably Agree
"Ticketmaster."- Tynesand
You Really Want To Trust Them With Your Money?
"HSBC, one of the largest banks in the world, is a criminal enterprise:"
"In 2012, the bank paid $1.9 billion to settle charges brought by U.S. authorities that it had failed to prevent money laundering by Mexican drug cartels."
"In 2013, HSBC was fined $1.92 billion by US and UK regulators for its role in the manipulation of the London Interbank Offered Rate (LIBOR), a benchmark interest rate."
"In 2014, the bank was charged by the U.S. Department of Justice for violating sanctions against Iran, Sudan, and other countries."
"In 2018, the bank was charged by the US Department of Justice for violating the Bank Secrecy Act and anti-money laundering regulations."
"Also, Nestle."- alecsputnik
Amen!
"Joel Osteen's ministries."- ststeveg
Joel Osteen Highwire Live GIF by Volcano Live! with Nik WallendaGiphyMaybe All Big Pharma?
'Seems like the general consensus is Nestle, but I’ll be weird and say DuPont."
"They’re the reason every living human on the planet has Forever Chemicals running through their bloodstream."-poppidypoppop
"Blinded By The Light"...
"Everyone one that makes blindingly bright low beam bulbs."- RetinaMelter9000s
One Bad Experience Can Ruin It Forever
"Mark's plumbing."- GreenieMachinie93
Rockos Modern Life 90S GIFGiphy"Oh The Wells Fargo Wagon Is A Comin' Down The Street..."
"Wells Fargo."- Itchy_Focus_4500
Honestly, Can't Agree With This One
"F*cking TurboTax."- camilofl20
Absolutely Frightening
"Wagner Group.'
"Dirty mercenary army with soldiers for hire."
"They have caused chaos where ever they have gone."
"Syria, Central African Republic, Madagascar, Libya, Venezuela, mali, Mozambique and a few other places, they have no desire to see a peaceful world as that would financially cripple them as a organization."
"Look at what they are doing to the Ukrainian people."
"Despicable organization and they have zero moral compass."- Weary_Violinist_3610
Maybe all Credit Reporting?
"Experian, Equifax, and/or Transunion."
"Leeches on America."- compusmack
Smiley Face Thumbs Up GIF by Tier One CreditGiphyCan't Help But Say It, Did She Really Think "goop" Was An Appealing Name?
"Comcast & goop."- celeresaharano·
Be it poor customer service, questionable business practices, or just plain fraud, it's hard not to agree that any or all of these companies would not be missed should they close their doors.
After all, when a health and wellness brand openly tells you that some or all of its products may not actually improve your health or wellness, that just about says it all.
...even if Shakespeare in Love remains a romantic gem...
Even if society as a whole seems to become more tolerant with each passing year, bullying still remains an ever-growing problem.
Particularly at schools.
Some might say bullying has only gotten worse, as social media often means children are no longer safe when they're out of school hallways and in the comfort of their own homes.
What is perhaps most disturbing and perplexing about bullying is there is never a justifiable reason for people to behave so appallingly.
Often, children bully other children to make them seem cool or powerful in the eyes of others.
Most of the time, they will also pinpoint a certain thing about their helpless victims as a feeble excuse to justify their bullying.
"What were you bullied for?"
Trying Too Hard
"I was socially awkward."
"I also was greatly motivated to be liked."
"I did a lot of sh*t trying to be liked that in hindsight, made me unliked."- EVEseven
Health Conditions Beyond Their Control
"Eczema which often affected my face."- Puffs01
Name Calling? Seriously?
"I was called a biscuit head, because my head was shaped like a biscuit."- cerakaz
It's Not Like They Chose It.
"My name."- maximus12121
Only Cowards Don't Pick On People Their Own Size
"Being the small kid."- occamhanlon
Picking On People For Keeping To Themselves? Just Cruel.
"For being the quiet kid."- actuallyjohnqmind
No Reason Whatsoever
"To this day, I really don't know."
"Something happened in the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade that made a bunch of people decide that they didn't like me anymore, including my best friend.'
"I only had two friends left until my family moved away in the middle of 7th grade."
"Bullies would follow me home most days and my mom finally had to verbally super-saiyan a few parents down the street to get them to take it down a notch."
"I finally asked one of them what I ever did to them, and they said 'you were born'."
"How do you even respond to that statement."
"I just got a sharp pang after seeing that phrase again."- msprang
Ignoring It Is Enabling It
"I was bullied from age 6 to age 13 every day for my surname (a word for a hunchback in my language) , my looks, my nature, me knowing English, reading, drawing and just existing overall."
"I f*cking hated middle school."
"My mom tried standing up for me, but no one cares in Slavic countries and the teachers didn't give a sh*t even though they saw everything, it's all part of growing up."
"My father ignored my constant tears and the terror I experienced in those years."
"I was attacked, beaten, and targeted whenever i would leave my flat."
"I was stabbed with screwdrivers and dull knives, chased around the neighborhood by kids on bikes while they threw rocks at me."
"I was only invited to birthday parties so that the kids would have someone to terrorize and gang up on."
"I always hated birthdays, but my mom though maybe the children would be kinder to me out of school."
"But that's that."
"Once I began high school I was around all new people, and I decided to play as a tough girl and stood up for myself on the get-go."
"But it turns out art school mostly brought other bullied kids together and I had the 4 best years of my life there with other kind and loving people who just wanted to make friends and have fun."- Cropalitet
Knowing They Wouldn't Fight Back
"Being easy to walk over."
"I had a really hard time asserting myself."
"So being 'too nice'."
"But really, just very insecure."- idolovehummus
Classism
"Being poor."
"And my mom smoked continuously so being poor and smelly."
"Kids are brutal."
"For those that can relate I'm wishing you all the best for where you are now."
"We are a product of where we came from but that doesn't define who we are today."
"For those that can't relate, I'm so glad you had a different childhood and also hope you are doing well."
"And for those that find this is their moment to continue to bully, I hope kindness finds you and helps you with whatever you need to have a brighter day."- Evil-ish
Red Hair Is Beautiful, And Don't Ever Forget It
"Glasses, red hair, and freckles."
"Opie, Howdy Doody, and red-headed step child jokes all the way through school."- espifer
"Having red hair."- DeplorableKurt
In Other Words, Just For Being Yourself
"As a black kid, in a predominantly black area:
"Wearing glasses and having braces."
"Being fat."
"Being nice."
"Being smart."
"Liking Anime."
"Wanting to be a Pilot (influenced by the Anime I liked the most)."
"But guess what?"
"I'm a f*cking Pilot now."- ApacheOc3lot
Perhaps the saddest, or most infuriating, cases of bullying are when people bully others for sharing likes or interests they have themselves.
Case in point, and true story: being bullied constantly through 2nd and 3rd grade for liking Mighty Morphin Power Rangers."
Only to see several of the people who bullied you express their excitement at the release of the 2017 film version of Power Rangers on Facebook.
Some children are just, plain cruel...