
I've always wondered what happens once the the wedding reception is over and you return from the honeymoon. The anticipation is gone of course. Is it still roses and passionate love making on a Tuesday morning? Even if you were living together, there is always a build up to the "Event." So once the days turn to weeks and months and years, how do you cope with the everyday life once you're a hostage/married person.
Redditor u/respekter101 was hoping all the couples out there would be willing to let us in on some "after the honeymoon" phase secrets.... well realities, by asking.... Married People of Reddit, What are the worst aspects of marriage?Ask the Chef
Trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.
I could happily eat the same thing 10 days in a row. Husband says making the same thing once a week is to often.
On the Daily
Watching general life hurt your spouse.
Medical stuff, Childhood scars, work stress, money struggling, all the crap life can throw at you, watching your partner suffering through anything will break your heart a little and leave you feeling guilty that you cannot protect them from the world.
Honestly, even when I was in labor with our children, my husband looked more scared than I've ever seen him in our shared life. He works with the public in the midst of a pandemic and watching him leave in the morning is agony.
Outside of that I have zero complaints.
Let me Be
Lack of privacy. My partner is a clinger and I love him just as he is. But damn I would love like 2 hours a week alone. Just me and my thoughts and not having to share them with anyone. He tries, God love him, but it's not his strong point.
My wife will just tell me I need to go do something. It might be that I need to for beers with the boys, spend the day away or go camping for the weekend, but she needs her time for herself and I get the same.
Learning Blocks
Learning compatibility and chemistry aren't the same.
They are vastly different and having one doesn't mean you'll have both. And both take work after time.
BUT if you can get past those times, life is great.
All he glitter....
Just remember--it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows and magical glittery unicorn poops. There will be tough times and its how you react to the tough times and each other during the tough times that really show what your relationship is made of.
I've been married for almost 22 years and we were together for almost 3 years before that, so my husband and I have known each other for nearly a quarter century at this point. And this pandemic bull? Not even CLOSE to the toughest thing we have gone through together.
Forget the Crap
Getting comfortable kinda means you stop giving a crap. That attitude can spread a little too far if you're not careful. Showing affection and appreciation should be something that goes on without effort. But it often doesn't.
My husband and I had fallen into this trap. We've just kind of existed in the same space.
Neither of us wanted to make the first move to make things better, because we both thought the other didn't care.
Last week it all came to a head - and we had a very long talk about what we want, and what we expect. I feel like we've taken the first steps to getting back where we used to be.
The Stink
Farts. So many farts.
That, and sharing my bed. I want my bed to myself, and I want to be able to rip one whenever I feel like it.
THEM
In laws
Not the case for everyone, I get it. So, I guess I'd say that familiarity breeds contempt. Not in the sense of maliciousness, just obliviousness. Sure, walk by me and crop dust me, how romantic. But this is also the same person that has walked me to the toilet after 6 or 7 surgeries, so I'm not exactly mysterious either.
MOVE!
Imagine if every time you went to open a cupboard or drawer there was another person standing in front of it.
This! And if they aren't there, somehow, they made sure to leave the door open.
She Fades
My wife has Elhers-Danlos and I've watched her go from happy, Mobile, and pain-free to barely able to walk without some joint trying to slide out of place. She's always in an incredible amount of pain and it's so difficult to watch her struggle.
Year One
I'm a newcomer, only been married for a year, but the worst part is probably seeing someone you love and care for get hurt. Honestly I don't have much to complain about, it has been the best year of my life.
Just Rage!
When your spouse uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn't get a new roll... I guess I'll just wait here.
The secret is, you have to hide a roll WAAAYY back in the back of the cabinet. Emergency stash, remember to replace it after you tap it.
Eat the Pizza
The idea that you lose your sense of self once you marry.
All gifts are to you, the couple. As if we both want an expensive blender? (I now have 3 of them). Just give us money or a gift card then.
People think it's weird when you go somewhere and aren't with them, or if you like different things.
A couple with a different opinion on anything (even small stuff) is weird to people.
Also, couples that allow themselves to disappear because that's what's expected. Not to say you shouldn't compromise or try what the other likes, but don't stop eating pizza if your spouse's hates pizza.
All. The. Time.
Having someone else in my house all the time. All the time.
The Mundane
Letting boredom or a sense of complacency ruin your passion for each other. Marriage takes work and anyone that tells you otherwise is either a liar or not actually happily married. It takes hard work to grow together instead of apart and it is a full time job in itself.
Everybody Says....
Other people telling you how your marriage will be, even when you have been married for years. Lots of angry dudes always telling me she will get fat and control me. 13 years now and I feel free and my wife is a smoke show.
For Real.
Lack of sex. For real. And going out loses the excitement it used to have. All we do is just bring the bull with us at an expensive night out.
I don't know much about relationships but I relate to this, my bf and I recently went out for dinner but got ready separately and met at the restaurant (we have lived together for 2 years). It was exciting, it felt like we were going on a blind date. I don't know if it would help you but it's worth sharing.
The Ride
Riding it out when the honeymoon stage fads. Sliding from ecstatically in love, to comfortably in love can be scary and often misread as falling out of love. Its not all blue birds and kisses and a long, loving committed relationship doesn't have to be.
Communications
Now you have to actually talk about what each of you do that pisses the other off.
That is an extremely hard conversation to have but very necessary.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Not everyone is going to believe what you believe. Our own experiences and values add up to make us who we are. Without them, we'd all be the same amorphous blob of consciousness covering the planet in bland beliefs. You hold something in high regard, and that might mean someone else disagrees with you.
Hold your ground, and be ready to die on that hill, kind of like these people.
Reddit user, realduckbutter, wanted to know what you will never let go of when they asked:
"What’s the smallest hill you’re willing to die on?"
What is it about this hill that makes it worthwhile to fight over? Is it something ingrained in your core or something that you can never let go?
This Is Good, Great, And Dandy
"Oxford commas are GOOD and should be EMPLOYED LIBERALLY."
CopsaLau
"I agree with this, I agree with this, and I agree with this."
ajt9104_
Squats All Day
"Nice butts are better than big butts."
Crockpot_gator_Snot
"Shape > Size"
"on that note, 99.9% of of people don’t give a damn about color imperfections or stretch marks. It’s completely irrelevant. The shape is what makes a nice butt."
"Edit: I admit that my statistic it totally made up. I made to say that MOST people don’t care."
bouchandre
Doesn't Hold Up
"KFC gravy isn't as good as it used to be."
AshySlashy902
"KFC isn't as good as it used to be. The biscuits are so hit or miss now."
SuperstitiousPigeon5
Me Am No Good With Words And Things
"It's "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less." If you could care less, you care a little!"
thedoginapound
"That’s what I’m saying!!! People make no sense sometimes"
Rebelsinblacktattoo
The workplace is somewhere you (possibly) go to every day. If there's something about it you like or don't like, don't let it go.
Proper Bathroom Ambience
"Bathrooms at the work place should all be required to play music to help drown out the sounds being made"
zerorush8
"THANK YOU. I’ve thought this for years. Just some simple elevator music. Anything."
"I’d rather hear 10 hours of Yiruma’s River Flows In You than 10 seconds of whatever is flowing out of the poor guy next to me."
jaylward
Better Be Some Money That Comes With That Title
"Don’t give me a “promotion” unless it comes with a pay raise. The only reason I would want a promotion is because I get paid more, not so I can flex my title on ppl"
traws06
"Flex that title into a raise somewhere else"
meanie_ants
So Grateful
"All companies regardless of what industry they're in do their best work and are the most consumer friendly when they're in second or third place in their industry. The 'leader' is almost never the best option."
Nayko214
"The best service and the most exciting food is at two star Michelin restaurants because they’re playing offense not defense."
gastro_gnome
"Cashiers should be allowed to sit down during their shifts, ex. Aldi. There should be no reason why they need to keep standing in place for an entire shift"
kdotismydad
"This is so f-cking American. I've never in my European life seen a cashier standing up."
PercussiveRussel
Whatever it is about these hills we're all supposedly dying, you cannot deny the fact it's super fascinating to see bodies dropping on them.
Do Any Of Us Know What We're Eating?
"When people say “it has chemicals in it”. Your mom is chemicals. Everything is chemicals."
nosmase2
"The whole "don't put it in your body if you can't pronounce it" nonsense is infuriating. An apple has things in it most people couldn't pronounce if you wrote out the chemical composition. And does my having taken organic chem and biochem classes mean I can eat things others can't?"
"Don't even get me started on the anti-GMO crap."
dude_logman
Diamond Eyeglasses? Diamond Cups? Why Stop There?
"Lab grown diamonds are real diamonds. Chemically. It’s purely marketing that makes you pay more for mined diamonds."
ScoobyTrue
"I believe you may be wrong. They are purer than mined diamonds."
"I'm looking forward to windshields made out of diamond."
ScottColvin
*tap, *tap, *tap
"Mobile gaming is better when it's simple games like Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja"
ofsquire
"Yeah I thought I wanted big impressive games on my phone but then I realized there’s no point. I’m never going to play on my phone over a console"
realduckbutter
Holding Up The Line With Your Niceness
"Pay-it-forward drive-through chains are pointless. They aren’t really helping anyone, they’re just making everything awkward."
lassie86
"Im a starbucks barista and like its a nice thing dont get me wrong, but the way our systems work things get confusing and orders or items get lost so people end up getting free but wrong orders :( it also puts the customer on the spot to make a decision to continue or not and i hate that it's so awkward. I always just say hey your order has been paid for have a great day!"
imasokas2percentmilk
It Hurts So Good
"If Q-Tips were not meant to go deep in your ear canal, then God would not have put the g-spot in there"
Virtual-Stranger
Meet lots of people, develop a set of values, then enact those values upon yourself as you engage with the world. Be the person you want to be.
Tell us how you won't let anything go in the comments below.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
There's a lot we don't know about women. Where do they hibernate? How do they keep warm in the winter? When they shed their skin can you make a belt out of it?
Oh, excuse me, I seem to have left open my copy of the Animal Encyclopedia.
There is a bit of a learning curve when you enter into a long-term relationship with a woman, and these men were quick to share their most insightful gains.
Reddit user, Foolu, wanted to know what you now know and can never forget when they asked:
"Guys of Reddit, what is something you learned about girls after getting into a relationship?"
What happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom, unless the internet is involved. Then by all means let us know.
Get The Hanger
"Hair. It gets f-cking everywhere"
justfukinwitchu
"With a wife and a teenage daughter, I could stuff a pillow with all of the hair I pull out of the shower pipes after they've got blocked again."
Scallywagstv2
Warehouse Pricing Is Critical To Survival
"You get through 4 times as much bathroom tissue."
Scallywagstv2
"My dad used to complain about the amount of toilet paper used and we were under strict instructions it was one sheet per toilet trip. Like you expect 3 woman in one house to use one strip of cheap toilet paper every time we go toilet? Ha! Even mum tried to tell him he was being ridiculous."
ngatiara
Only Way To Purify Your Soul
"They shower with lava. At least thats what the water temperature felt like."
Kooky-Experience-923
"Absolutely, the closest temperature to hell is the best to destress in"
distantdreams-0
Is your house ready for your partner to move in? No?
Too bad. It's happening, and what you see will never be the same again.
Never Enough Hanging Solutions
"You don’t have enough hangers"
Sh-tbashGod
"This one got me lol. I had a cloth bag absolutely full of hangers laying my dresser for years. A f-ckton of them just accumulated over time I guess. Anyway I had planned to eventually throw them out but forgot about them. Fast forward to about a month ago when my girlfriend is moving in. It took time for me to realize the situation when she said "I'm gonna need more hangers."
Narapoia
Costs A Lot To Look This Fabulous
"Make up is expensive as f-ck"
sheepboi13
"Bras too. I thought just the higher end ones would be expensive, but assumed the day to day ones costs much less than they do."
TheRetroVideogamers
Like Magic
"Bobbypins are magical items that will materialize out of thin air"
linksflame
"And disappear just as suddenly"
AnnuallySoup
This is the really crucial stuff, the bits you should always keep at the forefront of your mind.
Speak Your Mind Always
"COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING. Seriously, if there's an unanswered question, f-cking mention it and get the answer. Neither men nor women are mind readers. So many things can be avoided by just talking with the other one in the relationship."
"Always assume ignorance over malice. Chances are whatever happened it's because of assumptions made and not because one was trying to actively hurt/annoy the other."
"The only dumb question is the one you don't ask."
lurking_my_@ss_off
You Are Bespoken To Them
"You have to teach someone how to be a good lover to you."
"People don’t magically know how to meet your needs. And they certainly can’t read your mind."
RedditorChristopher
"Basically communication is key. This can be said about every single relationship though, not only about girls specifically"
AhhCaffeine
Just, Absolutely Sucks
"Periods really f-cking suck"
deuslapis
"You ain’t lying. Spend 1/4 of your life trying to save yourself from bleeding and cramping to death to have some old man politician tell you what you can and can’t do with your body... meanwhile, they have never had to deal with a single cycle."
purple_lassy
"What might be a really small thing for me to give her (a gesture, compliment, smile, etc.) can mean a whole lot to her."
heathos33
"This is so underrated. I'm in a new relationship and I know my bf cares for me in his own way but I would give ANYTHING for a few compliments here and there."
AgentTex
"Tell them that. Not that you want one right now, but that you appreciate hearing his feelings about you here and there."
"Communication is the only way to a positive path."
Pazzolupo
Entering into a long-term relationship with anyone will change your life. Be ready to learn and use that info to help the relationship grow.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
We're not all going to think the same thing. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and all that. However, we can recognize when someone has clearly taken the time to focus on their looks, through working out, how they dress, or how they style their hair. This is no judgement, and it's perfectly fine if you want to feel fabulous some days, but there is an unfair stigma that comes with that.
The world thinks a lot of things about you if they find you "conventionally" attractive.
Reddit user, Zestyclose-Detail791, wanted to know what it's like to walk around pretty when they asked:
"What are the dangers of being very attractive/beautiful?"
There's a lot that immediately comes to mind if you're considered traditionally attractive, problems that you'll encounter any time you meet someone new.
What Are My Traits?
"Not knowing if you're actually funny. Or well spoken. Or talented. Or charismatic."
stink3rbelle
"On the opposite end, some attractive people (mostly women) who are really smart aren't taken seriously because people only focus on their looks."
powerlesshero111
No One Knows You're Real Self
"If you’re really attractive and also quiet, people think you’re snobby. Also, you get unwanted comments from creeps a lot."
Appropriate_Day_8721
"I constantly was accused of being stuck up and a prude when I was a teenager while I was most definitely neither. I was always nice to people, but I was super shy because I had painfully low self esteem as a teenager and thought I was hideous and boring."
"My high school self and my grownup ego thank you for this lightbulb moment."
partway-chrysalis
Making All The Heads Turn
"you get a lot more attention than you probably want, lots of staring and sometimes people following you. Tension within your own gender as you’re seen as competition."
CandidGuidance
Social interactions or cues will be the most difficult wall to overcome. People you know and people you don't will assume lots about you, making a simple conversation that much more challenging.
Misinterpreting Signals
"People will often mistake friendliness for flirting"
Immediate-Cow6875
"I work at a hotel front desk, and the other night a man came down to ask for something and said, “every time I passed through here, someone else was hitting on you. Do you deal with that all the time?” Yes, and it’s obnoxious."
faerie03
Never Knowing Where To Draw The Line
"Friendships falling apart when their partner is attracted to you."
Illustrious-Fly9586
"Friendships falling apart when you're genuinely trying to be friends with someone of the opposite sex & they end up falling in love with you:("
Zaiya53
"How much I feel this one. I lost all my male childhood friends because at some point all of them ended up falling for me and made everything uncomfortable or left after being rejected. Specially because well, everyone knew I had a boyfriend anyway (now fiancé, so yeah, a very solid, healthy relationship. Noone else had a chance)."
"Now I began to befriend a really cool guy and just the other day he tolds me "he needs a girlfriend like me" in a pretty evident flirty tone. I joked about "my fiancé finding the limited edition" to make sure he knows I have a partner. He tried to hide his dissapointment but I still saw a bit of it on his face after that."
"I find it so frustrating... I just want a bunch of friends to celebrate the Holidays with and prepare them special meals and surprise birthday parties and plan trips and recomend them songs or movies and send them memes. Not having to deal with unwanted attraction towards me."
Chikizey
You're One Or The Other
"People think you are flirting if you are being anything other than nasty to them. Then if you’re are nasty, you are a b-tch/a--hole. No in-between."
SpikedBubbles
Whatever the case may be, you'll find a lot of people think the worse of you.
Or on a level below that, you'll see that people act the worst when you're around.
Unable To Handle The Switch
"If you become “unattractive” for any reason you may find it difficult to reconcile that you are no longer attractive."
"Examples: car wreck, injury, aging, disease, becoming obese. I’m sure there are more."
"If you’re used to being attractive and you identify as such (consciously or subconsciously) it can be really hard to come to terms with a change in that."
goldensnooch
Too Bad. Not Anymore.
"You cant pick your nose in public anymore with all the people staring at your attractive/beautiful face"
noob_akk
Pain Is Going To Be Involved
"regardless of gender, i think some people would get obsessed with you to the point they'll harm other people to just get your attention"
Independent_Mall_78
"Or themselves."
anniewolfe
Conventional beauty standards are bogus. Be happy with who you are in whatever way you want, so long as you're not hurting anyone.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
A first date is exciting. But it can also be highly unnerving.
You just want it to go so well.
So what do you wear?
What do say?
How little do eat and how much do you drink?
But that ice breaker is important. And the dialogue is imperative.
So what do we talk about?
Inform me...
Redditor AspirinDontWorkOnMe wanted to discuss the best beginners for small talk when on an early romantic excursion. They asked:
"What are some good questions to ask on a first date?"
Are you crazy? That's my first date question. I can always tell by the answer.
LOL
“Who makes you laugh?”
"This was my speed dating question back in the day, and it sorted out the wheat from the chaff VERY quickly."
RiverLover27
The Past
"What unresolved childhood trauma will emerge through maladaptive behaviors as we spend more time together?"
ofsquire
"To be fair anyone who has a legitimate answer to this one is probably already actively working to improve themselves which could be a huge green flag. Unless they're aware and not working on it in which case run."
Glundyn
Ok. So I went on a date with a girl... she unloaded all her past trauma in me... then proceeded to get really drunk and make a move on me."
importedsquid
Raccoons?
"What is their opinion on raccoons? Specifically would they be upset if they found out, the person they were dating was actually several raccoons piloting an elaborate human suit. If the answer is yes, it’s is a red flag and you will need to tell Burt and Larry down in the legs to hoof it out of there as fast as possible. Remember to grab as much trash as you can on the way out. It is why we were there to begin with."
The_Most_Superb
Be Useful
"Ask open-ended, non-threatening questions that get them talking about topics they enjoy. You learn much more about someone when they’re comfortable than when they feel scrutinized. Also, realize that the questions you ASK say as much about you as the answers you give."
"Your fears, hangups, history, empathy, etc. For example, if someone asked me how much I earn or what my parents did for a living, I would reasonably surmise that money and perhaps status is important to them. [That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s a useful piece of information.]"
who_favor_fire
A T-Rex?
"What's your second favorite reptile?"
hellmouth
"My question would be more, what’s your second favourite dinosaur? I work with young children, I have a modest working knowledge of dinosaurs."
Few_Rooster3293
Interesting ideas. If I ever search for love again I may use a few.
A Few Things
"So, you married?"
"Do you slap the bags of rice at the grocery store?"
"Are you a cop?"
"What’s on your bucket list?"
BallPit1p
Win-Win...
"When I was dating, I used to really like asking what people were excited about coming up in their lives. I'm a very optimistic person. I'm highly sensitive to negativity, pessimism, and cynicism. While it's not the ONLY way to get insight into how positive someone is, asking this question gives some insight into their overall mindset. Plus it's a good way to have a conversation about something someone is excited about. Win-win."
Kooky_Finding8516
HIGH
"Wanna see how high I can jump?"
Competitive-Kale-991
"A girl asked 'do you think I can jump this puddle?' I said no but she jumped anyway and slipped back into it so her back was entirely mud. Also, I drove."
JojenCopyPaste
"Look! Look! Look at me! Look what I can do! Look!"
LoneRangersBand
Mammals...
"What is the biggest mammal you could knock out with one punch?"
Zoidfarbb
"The answer to this question is clearly the horse-sized duck. In accordance with the square-cube law, the horse-sized duck's tiny legs would collapse under it's newfound weight, rendering it severely injured if not completely immobile. I'd pretty much win by default."
smala017
FACTS
"Can I get a list of references?"
thecartoonrobot
Ah first dates... will they ever be easy? Shouldn't they be?
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.