I've always wondered what happens once the the wedding reception is over and you return from the honeymoon. The anticipation is gone of course. Is it still roses and passionate love making on a Tuesday morning? Even if you were living together, there is always a build up to the "Event." So once the days turn to weeks and months and years, how do you cope with the everyday life once you're a hostage/married person.
Redditor u/respekter101 was hoping all the couples out there would be willing to let us in on some "after the honeymoon" phase secrets.... well realities, by asking.... Married People of Reddit, What are the worst aspects of marriage?Ask the Chef
swedish chef cooking GIFGiphyTrying to figure out what to eat for dinner.
I could happily eat the same thing 10 days in a row. Husband says making the same thing once a week is to often.
On the Daily
Watching general life hurt your spouse.
Medical stuff, Childhood scars, work stress, money struggling, all the crap life can throw at you, watching your partner suffering through anything will break your heart a little and leave you feeling guilty that you cannot protect them from the world.
Honestly, even when I was in labor with our children, my husband looked more scared than I've ever seen him in our shared life. He works with the public in the midst of a pandemic and watching him leave in the morning is agony.
Outside of that I have zero complaints.
Let me Be
Lack of privacy. My partner is a clinger and I love him just as he is. But damn I would love like 2 hours a week alone. Just me and my thoughts and not having to share them with anyone. He tries, God love him, but it's not his strong point.
My wife will just tell me I need to go do something. It might be that I need to for beers with the boys, spend the day away or go camping for the weekend, but she needs her time for herself and I get the same.
Jennifer Lawrence Oops GIFLearning Blocks
Learning compatibility and chemistry aren't the same.
They are vastly different and having one doesn't mean you'll have both. And both take work after time.
BUT if you can get past those times, life is great.
All he glitter....
Just remember--it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows and magical glittery unicorn poops. There will be tough times and its how you react to the tough times and each other during the tough times that really show what your relationship is made of.
I've been married for almost 22 years and we were together for almost 3 years before that, so my husband and I have known each other for nearly a quarter century at this point. And this pandemic bull? Not even CLOSE to the toughest thing we have gone through together.
Forget the Crap
Getting comfortable kinda means you stop giving a crap. That attitude can spread a little too far if you're not careful. Showing affection and appreciation should be something that goes on without effort. But it often doesn't.
My husband and I had fallen into this trap. We've just kind of existed in the same space.
Neither of us wanted to make the first move to make things better, because we both thought the other didn't care.
Last week it all came to a head - and we had a very long talk about what we want, and what we expect. I feel like we've taken the first steps to getting back where we used to be.
The Stink
Farts. So many farts.
That, and sharing my bed. I want my bed to myself, and I want to be able to rip one whenever I feel like it.
THEM
In laws
Not the case for everyone, I get it. So, I guess I'd say that familiarity breeds contempt. Not in the sense of maliciousness, just obliviousness. Sure, walk by me and crop dust me, how romantic. But this is also the same person that has walked me to the toilet after 6 or 7 surgeries, so I'm not exactly mysterious either.
MOVE!
mr bean move GIFGiphyImagine if every time you went to open a cupboard or drawer there was another person standing in front of it.
This! And if they aren't there, somehow, they made sure to leave the door open.
She Fades
My wife has Elhers-Danlos and I've watched her go from happy, Mobile, and pain-free to barely able to walk without some joint trying to slide out of place. She's always in an incredible amount of pain and it's so difficult to watch her struggle.
Year One
marriage love GIFGiphyI'm a newcomer, only been married for a year, but the worst part is probably seeing someone you love and care for get hurt. Honestly I don't have much to complain about, it has been the best year of my life.
Just Rage!
When your spouse uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn't get a new roll... I guess I'll just wait here.
The secret is, you have to hide a roll WAAAYY back in the back of the cabinet. Emergency stash, remember to replace it after you tap it.
Eat the Pizza
The idea that you lose your sense of self once you marry.
All gifts are to you, the couple. As if we both want an expensive blender? (I now have 3 of them). Just give us money or a gift card then.
People think it's weird when you go somewhere and aren't with them, or if you like different things.
A couple with a different opinion on anything (even small stuff) is weird to people.
Also, couples that allow themselves to disappear because that's what's expected. Not to say you shouldn't compromise or try what the other likes, but don't stop eating pizza if your spouse's hates pizza.
All. The. Time.
benedict cumberbatch drinking GIFGiphyHaving someone else in my house all the time. All the time.
The Mundane
Letting boredom or a sense of complacency ruin your passion for each other. Marriage takes work and anyone that tells you otherwise is either a liar or not actually happily married. It takes hard work to grow together instead of apart and it is a full time job in itself.
Everybody Says....
Other people telling you how your marriage will be, even when you have been married for years. Lots of angry dudes always telling me she will get fat and control me. 13 years now and I feel free and my wife is a smoke show.
For Real.
Lack of sex. For real. And going out loses the excitement it used to have. All we do is just bring the bull with us at an expensive night out.
I don't know much about relationships but I relate to this, my bf and I recently went out for dinner but got ready separately and met at the restaurant (we have lived together for 2 years). It was exciting, it felt like we were going on a blind date. I don't know if it would help you but it's worth sharing.
The Ride
Riding it out when the honeymoon stage fads. Sliding from ecstatically in love, to comfortably in love can be scary and often misread as falling out of love. Its not all blue birds and kisses and a long, loving committed relationship doesn't have to be.
Communications
bla talking GIF by neomagazinroyaleGiphyNow you have to actually talk about what each of you do that pisses the other off.
That is an extremely hard conversation to have but very necessary.
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When we're young and naive, we tend to be optimistic as we have our whole lives ahead of us and we have to time to figure out who we are and who we want to be.
But when we're all grown up and out in the big world on our own, nothing can prepare us for the harsh realities of adulting until we experience them.
And unfortunately, life isn't always sunshine and roses the way we imagined it to be when we were much more innocent.
Curious to hear about life's many wake up calls Redditor Just_Surround_2108 asked:
"What is the adult version of finding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist?"
Life's deceptions begin slowly revealing themselves.
Caveat Emptor
"When you buy an 8-piece tupperware set, 4 of the pieces are lids."
– throwmeawaypoopy
"Same with pots and pans. What a rip off!"
– MrsMalvora
"And when you put them in the cabinet, suddenly SIX of the pieces are lids 😂"
– opheliainwaders
Value Of Friendships
"That some friends were never really your friend."
– Kangaroowrangler_02
"Also that friendships can end just like any relationship."
– ScienceUnicorn
"The best friend I'll ever have said some nasty things to me and blocked me recently. Never going to get much closure on that front."
"Not having closure is, with both friends and lovers, worse than the loss itself. I want to grow. Tell me what I need to become so this doesn't happen to me again!"
– VoxClarus
"On a related note: your co-workers are not your friends."
– tomdelfino
"I think most people seem to treat this as the default stance, but I’ve learnt you can actually make deep connections amongst coworkers, the same way you do in other stages of your life."
– immorjoe
The role of parent and child unexpectedly switches. So now what?
Who's Parenting Who
"That time period when your relationship switches and your parent looks to you for answers and advice, instead them being the one with all the answers."
– Smile_Terrible
"Not sure about that one. Dad simultaneously says I’m the smartest person he knows and I don’t know how to do anything lol."
– Puzzleheaded-Job6147
About Grieving
"When both your parents die. I am in my mid 50’s and had my mom pass on Mother’s Day ‘22. My Dad then was living with us from then, and eventually reached in-home hospice status with a sudden stage IV cancer diagnosis. He died in January of this year, and then I got laid off from my tech job and was unemployed for 10 months. Nothing takes the wonderment and positive outlook from the world than having to empty out your childhood home solo and throw everything you grew up with into a big dumpster and are left to wonder what our lives really mean."
– i_spock
Leaving Behind The House You Grew Up In
"I’m in the process of dismantling my childhood home right now. I’ve compared it to dismembering the dead body of a loved one. It’s really rough."
– HaloTightens
"my mum sold my childhood home a decade ago. i won't have to go through that."
– deathschemist
We all want to grow up when we're young. But as soon as reach reach 30, we want to slam on the breaks.
Aimlessness
"I thought I'd grow up, move out, find my footing in the grown up world and basically switch into cruise mode. Now I'm in my 40s and sh*t is confusing as f'k."
– Borsti17
"As adults, nobody knows what they're doing, we're just pretending we do."
– BeautifulMidnight-
Misconception Behind Work Integrity
"Being a hard worker and good at your job doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be rewarded for it."
– DorianOrosco
And the laziest person at work is allowed to be lazy, but the hardest worker isn’t allowed a break."
– Puzzleheaded-Job6147
We Are Our Parents
"Finding out that your parents are people, too, with weaknesses or flaws that you were blind to when you were young."
– tamammothchuk
"And the day you suddenly notice how old they are. When their mortality finally hits you."
– daggerxdarling
Living On Borrowed Time
"Yep had that day earlier this month. Was visiting for dad's 75th birthday."
"As I was leaving, out in the sunshine and fixing to get in the truck, I suddenly saw how small and frail-looking they are now. Mom hit me the hardest. She's started to shrink. They are both healthy, but Dad's just . . . worn."
"Been also doing the math lately. The math where you count up how many times you see them a year and then multiply that by how many years they have left according to the average."
"I've had enough crap and surprise losses in my life that I've long since started parting with family and friends like it might be the last time I get to see them. But that times left to see them calculation really clobbers me with my folks, and it's not even that bad yet for me. Given the ages of my grandparents when they passed I've probably still got somewhere between 150-200 visits."
"But the meter is running."
– Boudyro
I'm at the point where I'm realizing there are no handbooks on life and taking care of our parents.
When you're so used to having them there and taking care of you your whole life, nothing can prepare you for the time when that role reversal happens.
As tough as that may be, however, there's nothing more beautiful in life than returning the favor for the people who loved you unconditionally and raised you.
It's not attractive to gloat.
And there is little more obnoxious than flaunting how wealthy you are.
Particularly if you aren't even that wealthy to begin with.
Indeed, perhaps to make themselves feel more powerful and important than they actually are, many people will try and show off how much money they have in what they wear, eat, live in, and drive.
However, not everyone is so easily fooled, as those in the know can detect a charlatan when they see one.
Redditor aloe_veracity16 was eager to hear the dead giveaways that someone might not be as wealthy as they appear, leading them to ask:
"What’s a dead giveaway that someone is not actually as wealthy as they claim?"
Stating The Obvious...
"When they constantly talk about how wealthy they are."
"A genius doesn't need to tell you they are smart."
"An athlete doesn't need to tell you they are fit."
"And a rich person shouldn't need to tell you they are wealthy."- TigLyon
Attracting Unwanted Attention...
"90% of the wealthy shut the f**k about it, because they learn once they start making good money everyone wants a piece."
"Talking about it constantly = broke AF."- Vladtehwood
Simply By Doing It...
"Making the claim at all is a dead giveaway."- Starfox41
In Plain Sight...
"People who actually ARE wealthy mostly try to hide it."- Matt7738
"Living In A Material World..."
"I'm not well-versed in judging someone's wealth, but I do notice that the fake rich only look rich on social media and try their hardest to go to popular locations celebrities post."
"I know a couple of friends of friends who took out a loan just to keep up the facade that they're all in on the latest iPhones and wearables."
"They built a persona of being a rich kid, so now they have to stay the course."- anima99
Flaunt Modesty, Not Wealth...
"As a person which knows many very rich people."
"I can guarantee that not a single one of them wants to be known as rich."- CompetitivePause9033
Schitts Creek Flirt GIF by CBCGiphyWe Heard You The First Time!!!
"When they repeatedly and adamantly tell you how wealthy they are."- Famous_Bit_5119·
Experiences Over Stuff!
"I feel like actual rich people prioritize vacations/travel, buying their kids cars, paying for their kids/grandkids tuition."
"They don’t spend money on flashy or luxury stuff as much."- Klesea
Summer Time GIF by Merge MansionGiphyAll In The Editing...
"Ever notice how those jet setting influencers that post their pictures out of the airplane window are behind the wing?"
"They're in coach."
"The picture in business is where they stopped to pose on the way through."- Turbulent-Ask-2633
Pack Light...
"Private Jet pilot friend of mine said for the slightly wealthy they bring loads of luggage."
"The ultra rich bring a day bag they have enough money to buy clothes when they get there or already have clothes waiting on them."- hadmeatgotmilk
The Less Said...
"I never met a wealthy person that talks about it."
"They don't need to."- 181Eclipse·
Christina Moses Secrets GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"See The Pyramid [SCHEMES!] Along The Way..."
"They make a goofy advertisement for some book or course that 'will help you get rich too!'"
"If they were actually rich, they would be on some tropical beach engaging in whatever vices they enjoy most-not hocking some get-rich-quick scheme."- illegalopinion3
All About The Simple Things...
"My dad's entire job is managing millionaire / billionaire philanthropy accounts, so I’ve grown up surrounded by some of the wealthiest people in the country."
"And I never knew until I got older how these 'Mr. Smith' and 'Ms. Jones' people that I’d grown up hanging out with were anything above upper middle class."
"Normal clothes, modest homes, very down to earth and funny people."
"Big wealth, and especially old wealth, is quiet wealth."- Travel_and_Tea·
Anything But Proud...
"I have a family member who insists she and her husband are upper middle class."
"She isn’t."
"She’s rich (8 figures), but it hurts her in some sort of primal way to acknowledge that."
"Her adult brother is also wealthy, although not as much as his sister."
"Likely also 8 figures."
"He insists he’s blue collar and middle class."
"There’s something in their upbringing that makes them ashamed of having 'made it' financially."- strangled_spaghetti
Blue Collar Work GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphyPeople will try to come off as wealthier than they are for a multitude of reasons.
But just like any facade, keeping it up eventually becomes untenable.
This is why it's always most important to be grateful for the things you have, rather than flaunt what you wish you had.
