I've always wondered what happens once the the wedding reception is over and you return from the honeymoon. The anticipation is gone of course. Is it still roses and passionate love making on a Tuesday morning? Even if you were living together, there is always a build up to the "Event." So once the days turn to weeks and months and years, how do you cope with the everyday life once you're a hostage/married person.
Redditor u/respekter101 was hoping all the couples out there would be willing to let us in on some "after the honeymoon" phase secrets.... well realities, by asking.... Married People of Reddit, What are the worst aspects of marriage?Ask the Chef
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Trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.
I could happily eat the same thing 10 days in a row. Husband says making the same thing once a week is to often.
On the Daily
Watching general life hurt your spouse.
Medical stuff, Childhood scars, work stress, money struggling, all the crap life can throw at you, watching your partner suffering through anything will break your heart a little and leave you feeling guilty that you cannot protect them from the world.
Honestly, even when I was in labor with our children, my husband looked more scared than I've ever seen him in our shared life. He works with the public in the midst of a pandemic and watching him leave in the morning is agony.
Outside of that I have zero complaints.
Let me Be
Lack of privacy. My partner is a clinger and I love him just as he is. But damn I would love like 2 hours a week alone. Just me and my thoughts and not having to share them with anyone. He tries, God love him, but it's not his strong point.
My wife will just tell me I need to go do something. It might be that I need to for beers with the boys, spend the day away or go camping for the weekend, but she needs her time for herself and I get the same.
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Learning Blocks
Learning compatibility and chemistry aren't the same.
They are vastly different and having one doesn't mean you'll have both. And both take work after time.
BUT if you can get past those times, life is great.
All he glitter....
Just remember--it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows and magical glittery unicorn poops. There will be tough times and its how you react to the tough times and each other during the tough times that really show what your relationship is made of.
I've been married for almost 22 years and we were together for almost 3 years before that, so my husband and I have known each other for nearly a quarter century at this point. And this pandemic bull? Not even CLOSE to the toughest thing we have gone through together.
Forget the Crap
Getting comfortable kinda means you stop giving a crap. That attitude can spread a little too far if you're not careful. Showing affection and appreciation should be something that goes on without effort. But it often doesn't.
My husband and I had fallen into this trap. We've just kind of existed in the same space.
Neither of us wanted to make the first move to make things better, because we both thought the other didn't care.
Last week it all came to a head - and we had a very long talk about what we want, and what we expect. I feel like we've taken the first steps to getting back where we used to be.
The Stink
Farts. So many farts.
That, and sharing my bed. I want my bed to myself, and I want to be able to rip one whenever I feel like it.
THEM
In laws
Not the case for everyone, I get it. So, I guess I'd say that familiarity breeds contempt. Not in the sense of maliciousness, just obliviousness. Sure, walk by me and crop dust me, how romantic. But this is also the same person that has walked me to the toilet after 6 or 7 surgeries, so I'm not exactly mysterious either.
MOVE!
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Imagine if every time you went to open a cupboard or drawer there was another person standing in front of it.
This! And if they aren't there, somehow, they made sure to leave the door open.
She Fades
My wife has Elhers-Danlos and I've watched her go from happy, Mobile, and pain-free to barely able to walk without some joint trying to slide out of place. She's always in an incredible amount of pain and it's so difficult to watch her struggle.
Year One
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I'm a newcomer, only been married for a year, but the worst part is probably seeing someone you love and care for get hurt. Honestly I don't have much to complain about, it has been the best year of my life.
Just Rage!
When your spouse uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn't get a new roll... I guess I'll just wait here.
The secret is, you have to hide a roll WAAAYY back in the back of the cabinet. Emergency stash, remember to replace it after you tap it.
Eat the Pizza
The idea that you lose your sense of self once you marry.
All gifts are to you, the couple. As if we both want an expensive blender? (I now have 3 of them). Just give us money or a gift card then.
People think it's weird when you go somewhere and aren't with them, or if you like different things.
A couple with a different opinion on anything (even small stuff) is weird to people.
Also, couples that allow themselves to disappear because that's what's expected. Not to say you shouldn't compromise or try what the other likes, but don't stop eating pizza if your spouse's hates pizza.
All. The. Time.
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Having someone else in my house all the time. All the time.
The Mundane
Letting boredom or a sense of complacency ruin your passion for each other. Marriage takes work and anyone that tells you otherwise is either a liar or not actually happily married. It takes hard work to grow together instead of apart and it is a full time job in itself.
Everybody Says....
Other people telling you how your marriage will be, even when you have been married for years. Lots of angry dudes always telling me she will get fat and control me. 13 years now and I feel free and my wife is a smoke show.
For Real.
Lack of sex. For real. And going out loses the excitement it used to have. All we do is just bring the bull with us at an expensive night out.
I don't know much about relationships but I relate to this, my bf and I recently went out for dinner but got ready separately and met at the restaurant (we have lived together for 2 years). It was exciting, it felt like we were going on a blind date. I don't know if it would help you but it's worth sharing.
The Ride
Riding it out when the honeymoon stage fads. Sliding from ecstatically in love, to comfortably in love can be scary and often misread as falling out of love. Its not all blue birds and kisses and a long, loving committed relationship doesn't have to be.
Communications
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Now you have to actually talk about what each of you do that pisses the other off.
That is an extremely hard conversation to have but very necessary.
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Curious to hear about some of the more creepy indiscretions people get away with, Redditor Flytechofficial asked:
"What is perfectly legal, but creepy as hell?"
These things that happen in public restrooms can be considered criminal.
Respecting Splash Zones
"Using the urinal next to me when there were plenty of other choices."
Nightmare For The Pee-Shy
"hanging out in a public bathroom timing how long people pee."
Bad Timing
"I swear to God. I did a lot of work in hospitals for a while, big f'king hospitals with tons of bathrooms all over the place. For some God damned reason, regardless of what time or bathroom I selected to take a sh*t in not 30 seconds after I sat down a janitor would knock on the door to clean the bathroom. It's not as if it was one janitor, just some random janitor would inevitably need to clean whatever bathroom I was in as soon as I got comfy. It's like I was being stalked by the janitors."
"So now I'm trying to take a sh*t knowing full well there's somebody out there actively timing how long it takes."
Looky-Loo
"I was drunk in a casino and went to use the washroom. The floors in there were a polished marble or something. Sitting on the toilet, pants down, my stall neighbour made eye contact with me on the reflective floor tile."
The following examples involving minors have no legal repercussions.
Outside Watchers
"Technically, you can stand on the sidewalk and stare into someone's house through a window. It's not illegal as long as you stay off of their property, but it's really freaking creepy."
Keeping Tabs On Someone's Age
"A national newspaper having a countdown for when a child actress becomes 'legal' for sex."
"Answers to questions that will surely come. ....Yes. The Sun (UK). Emma Watson."
– pdirth
The Young Subjects
"When I was a child, we had a creepy horrible neighbor that would harass my family constantly. One of the things he did was stand at the corner of his yard and videotape me playing in a pool with my friends (we were around 8). My parents called the police but were told that it's legal if he's on his property."
These perfectly harmless examples can give you goosebumps.
Macabre
"Hanging your doll collection from the trees in your yard using string made from human hair."
People's Taste
"I believe the act of cannibalism itself is legal so long as you didn't murder anyone to do it. If your homie gives you his arm to gnaw on, it's fair game."
I recently treated myself by going to a movie theater after what seemed like a long hiatus for much of the year.
Streaming blockbuster movies from home, while convenient, has never made as much of an impact when compared to the moviegoing experience.
But after my recent trip to our local AMC, I'm beginning to think watching entertainment from the comfort of my quiet home is a much better option.
I forgot that a good majority of audience members are disrespectful and pretty much ignore all the rules—including no texting or talking during the movie.
The normal volume conversations and the number of lit screens from people's smartphone's in my peripheral vision throughout the movie were huge distractions.
Maybe as I'm getting older, my patience has worn thin, or I happened to have a particularly unpleasant experience. But seriously, how can anyone enjoy going to the movies when people are constantly updating their status inside a darkened auditorium?
It should illegal. Rant over.
I feel like if there is nothing after life, it just invalidates life. But maybe I'm just dramatic. I hope there is peace. Thoughts?
black and white two funerals GIFTogether...
"When we die, the whole world as seen by us, dies together with us."
"Yes it does. As does the entire universe. Only when we are alive can we experience the passage of time. The instant we die the entire universe will experience heat death and cease to be. It my take a million eons but since we can no longer experience time it will be relatively instantaneous."
- OkEbb749
Thanks Alan
"It's one of the great wonders of life: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? And if you think long enough about that, something will happen to you. You will find out, among other things, that it will pose the next question to you: What was it like to wake up after never having gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You see, you can't have an experience of nothing. Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Alan Watts"
So Romantic...
"When I was much younger, I had a dream where I died. Not a typical dream, not a romanticized dream. It was a dream where I was an archer in a medieval battle. About 5 minutes into the battle, chaos was all around me, and I watched an opposing archer aim and loose an arrow straight into my left eye."
"I remember the sensation of impact, ringing in my ears, and falling to the ground. I remember the warmth of the blood on my face. The feeling of life leaving my body, and the sense of worry evaporating into warmth and peace as the world left behind me."
"I remember waking up shortly after thinking that the feeling and reality of that experience was so vivid and so detailed that it must have been an experience from a previous incarnation hundreds of years ago. From that moment on, I've never feared the actual process of death. I feel like I've experienced it many times before."
Erase
Computer Reaction GIFGiphy"I think one of your best friends delete's your browsing history."
"Take the hard drive out of my computer at home… Put it in the bath… And make sure it's completely wiped. -Tensai Slime"
If you love me... rule number one... HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! Let that be heard far and wide. And dreams, always so intertwined aren't they?
Before & After
Happy Baby GIFGiphy"Exactly the same as before you were born."
- whumoon
"I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. -Mark Twain"
Moving On...
"We clean the bed and assign it to another patient."
"The REAL reason why nurses are so dark. 90 year old man in hospice got hit by a car on his way to get fitted for his funeral tuxedo, and didn't have a DNR. Kept him alive for four hours, and now it's time to document everything that was done to save his life because there will inevitably be a lawsuit from a family member who has had four years to say goodbye but somehow didn't get to."
Again...
"Play again?
Yes
[No]
I don't know what they mean or how to utilize them. I'm a Buddhist (but a gamer first and foremost) so it's cool you guys made those connections This totally makes up for r/movies continuously banning me."
Oblivion...
"I've answered this one before but here it is again. Either two things happen after you die: you either go somewhere or it's oblivion. If it is oblivion, then we're just going back to the same place before we were born and there's nothing wrong with that. We were there for billions or trillions of years, possibly infinity."
"You lose that concept of time since your brain doesn't work anymore so you don't even know it's over. It's not nothing because nothing would be something and that means that you are aware, which you can not be if you're dead. If we do go somewhere, then that's something no one understands because no one has ever come back to tell us."
"Those stories of people coming back after they "died" and "saw stuff" weren't really dead. Their hearts stopped but their brains were still working. If the Universe continues to recycle itself infinitely, then there's a chance we will be reborn or continuously reborn but have no memory of our previous selves."
- jamoh20
On Holiday
"When I was a kid I drowned while on holiday with my family, a giant fat man jumped in the pool on top of me and no one noticed till I was on the bottom of the pool. I remember the feeling of my lungs being on fire, then shivering then as everything was going dark a strange sense of peace and I was ok with it, No panic or terror then it went black."
"I was resuscitated at the side of the pool a few minutes later. I remember nothing from the black to being "alive" again. I was around 7 when it happened and since then I've been strangely at peace with the fact that one day I will die and slip into the dark void of nothingness. Hope that helps."
Popcorn?
500 days of summer cinema GIFGiphy"You wake up in a chair in a cinema and learn that the other are past lives of you and you're about to watch your next life very soon on the big screen."
The truth is none of us know the truth. We live everyday with the afterlife being a gamble. And that seems like it's going to have to be enough.
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