I've always wondered what happens once the the wedding reception is over and you return from the honeymoon. The anticipation is gone of course. Is it still roses and passionate love making on a Tuesday morning? Even if you were living together, there is always a build up to the "Event." So once the days turn to weeks and months and years, how do you cope with the everyday life once you're a hostage/married person.
Redditor u/respekter101 was hoping all the couples out there would be willing to let us in on some "after the honeymoon" phase secrets.... well realities, by asking.... Married People of Reddit, What are the worst aspects of marriage?Ask the Chef
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Trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.
I could happily eat the same thing 10 days in a row. Husband says making the same thing once a week is to often.
On the Daily
Watching general life hurt your spouse.
Medical stuff, Childhood scars, work stress, money struggling, all the crap life can throw at you, watching your partner suffering through anything will break your heart a little and leave you feeling guilty that you cannot protect them from the world.
Honestly, even when I was in labor with our children, my husband looked more scared than I've ever seen him in our shared life. He works with the public in the midst of a pandemic and watching him leave in the morning is agony.
Outside of that I have zero complaints.
Let me Be
Lack of privacy. My partner is a clinger and I love him just as he is. But damn I would love like 2 hours a week alone. Just me and my thoughts and not having to share them with anyone. He tries, God love him, but it's not his strong point.
My wife will just tell me I need to go do something. It might be that I need to for beers with the boys, spend the day away or go camping for the weekend, but she needs her time for herself and I get the same.
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Learning Blocks
Learning compatibility and chemistry aren't the same.
They are vastly different and having one doesn't mean you'll have both. And both take work after time.
BUT if you can get past those times, life is great.
All he glitter....
Just remember--it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows and magical glittery unicorn poops. There will be tough times and its how you react to the tough times and each other during the tough times that really show what your relationship is made of.
I've been married for almost 22 years and we were together for almost 3 years before that, so my husband and I have known each other for nearly a quarter century at this point. And this pandemic bull? Not even CLOSE to the toughest thing we have gone through together.
Forget the Crap
Getting comfortable kinda means you stop giving a crap. That attitude can spread a little too far if you're not careful. Showing affection and appreciation should be something that goes on without effort. But it often doesn't.
My husband and I had fallen into this trap. We've just kind of existed in the same space.
Neither of us wanted to make the first move to make things better, because we both thought the other didn't care.
Last week it all came to a head - and we had a very long talk about what we want, and what we expect. I feel like we've taken the first steps to getting back where we used to be.
The Stink
Farts. So many farts.
That, and sharing my bed. I want my bed to myself, and I want to be able to rip one whenever I feel like it.
THEM
In laws
Not the case for everyone, I get it. So, I guess I'd say that familiarity breeds contempt. Not in the sense of maliciousness, just obliviousness. Sure, walk by me and crop dust me, how romantic. But this is also the same person that has walked me to the toilet after 6 or 7 surgeries, so I'm not exactly mysterious either.
MOVE!
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Imagine if every time you went to open a cupboard or drawer there was another person standing in front of it.
This! And if they aren't there, somehow, they made sure to leave the door open.
She Fades
My wife has Elhers-Danlos and I've watched her go from happy, Mobile, and pain-free to barely able to walk without some joint trying to slide out of place. She's always in an incredible amount of pain and it's so difficult to watch her struggle.
Year One
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I'm a newcomer, only been married for a year, but the worst part is probably seeing someone you love and care for get hurt. Honestly I don't have much to complain about, it has been the best year of my life.
Just Rage!
When your spouse uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn't get a new roll... I guess I'll just wait here.
The secret is, you have to hide a roll WAAAYY back in the back of the cabinet. Emergency stash, remember to replace it after you tap it.
Eat the Pizza
The idea that you lose your sense of self once you marry.
All gifts are to you, the couple. As if we both want an expensive blender? (I now have 3 of them). Just give us money or a gift card then.
People think it's weird when you go somewhere and aren't with them, or if you like different things.
A couple with a different opinion on anything (even small stuff) is weird to people.
Also, couples that allow themselves to disappear because that's what's expected. Not to say you shouldn't compromise or try what the other likes, but don't stop eating pizza if your spouse's hates pizza.
All. The. Time.
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Having someone else in my house all the time. All the time.
The Mundane
Letting boredom or a sense of complacency ruin your passion for each other. Marriage takes work and anyone that tells you otherwise is either a liar or not actually happily married. It takes hard work to grow together instead of apart and it is a full time job in itself.
Everybody Says....
Other people telling you how your marriage will be, even when you have been married for years. Lots of angry dudes always telling me she will get fat and control me. 13 years now and I feel free and my wife is a smoke show.
For Real.
Lack of sex. For real. And going out loses the excitement it used to have. All we do is just bring the bull with us at an expensive night out.
I don't know much about relationships but I relate to this, my bf and I recently went out for dinner but got ready separately and met at the restaurant (we have lived together for 2 years). It was exciting, it felt like we were going on a blind date. I don't know if it would help you but it's worth sharing.
The Ride
Riding it out when the honeymoon stage fads. Sliding from ecstatically in love, to comfortably in love can be scary and often misread as falling out of love. Its not all blue birds and kisses and a long, loving committed relationship doesn't have to be.
Communications
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Now you have to actually talk about what each of you do that pisses the other off.
That is an extremely hard conversation to have but very necessary.
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Are you crazy? That's my first date question. I can always tell by the answer.
LOL
Captain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy“Who makes you laugh?”
"This was my speed dating question back in the day, and it sorted out the wheat from the chaff VERY quickly."
RiverLover27
The Past
"What unresolved childhood trauma will emerge through maladaptive behaviors as we spend more time together?"
ofsquire
"To be fair anyone who has a legitimate answer to this one is probably already actively working to improve themselves which could be a huge green flag. Unless they're aware and not working on it in which case run."
Glundyn
Ok. So I went on a date with a girl... she unloaded all her past trauma in me... then proceeded to get really drunk and make a move on me."
importedsquid
Raccoons?
"What is their opinion on raccoons? Specifically would they be upset if they found out, the person they were dating was actually several raccoons piloting an elaborate human suit. If the answer is yes, it’s is a red flag and you will need to tell Burt and Larry down in the legs to hoof it out of there as fast as possible. Remember to grab as much trash as you can on the way out. It is why we were there to begin with."
The_Most_Superb
Be Useful
"Ask open-ended, non-threatening questions that get them talking about topics they enjoy. You learn much more about someone when they’re comfortable than when they feel scrutinized. Also, realize that the questions you ASK say as much about you as the answers you give."
"Your fears, hangups, history, empathy, etc. For example, if someone asked me how much I earn or what my parents did for a living, I would reasonably surmise that money and perhaps status is important to them. [That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s a useful piece of information.]"
who_favor_fire
A T-Rex?
Jurassic Park GIF by VidiotsGiphy"What's your second favorite reptile?"
hellmouth
"My question would be more, what’s your second favourite dinosaur? I work with young children, I have a modest working knowledge of dinosaurs."
Few_Rooster3293
Interesting ideas. If I ever search for love again I may use a few.
A Few Things
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"So, you married?"
"Do you slap the bags of rice at the grocery store?"
"Are you a cop?"
"What’s on your bucket list?"
BallPit1p
Win-Win...
"When I was dating, I used to really like asking what people were excited about coming up in their lives. I'm a very optimistic person. I'm highly sensitive to negativity, pessimism, and cynicism. While it's not the ONLY way to get insight into how positive someone is, asking this question gives some insight into their overall mindset. Plus it's a good way to have a conversation about something someone is excited about. Win-win."
Kooky_Finding8516
HIGH
"Wanna see how high I can jump?"
Competitive-Kale-991
"A girl asked 'do you think I can jump this puddle?' I said no but she jumped anyway and slipped back into it so her back was entirely mud. Also, I drove."
JojenCopyPaste
"Look! Look! Look at me! Look what I can do! Look!"
LoneRangersBand
Mammals...
"What is the biggest mammal you could knock out with one punch?"
Zoidfarbb
"The answer to this question is clearly the horse-sized duck. In accordance with the square-cube law, the horse-sized duck's tiny legs would collapse under it's newfound weight, rendering it severely injured if not completely immobile. I'd pretty much win by default."
smala017
FACTS
Kenan Thompson Reaction GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Can I get a list of references?"
thecartoonrobot
Ah first dates... will they ever be easy? Shouldn't they be?
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