If you don't know the name 'Marie Kondo' then you've clearly been living under a rock; or you're just waking from your New Year's Eve liquor coma because honey..... 2019 is all about Marie and how she is going to organize and cleanse our lives.
Netflix's 'Tidying Up' hosted by Marie Kondo is sweeping the nation. Marie is the mother of the KonMari method. What is that you ask? It is the method defining the act of taking all that you possess, materialistically, pulling it together and separating it into different categories. Then... you go one category at a time and begin a 'purge.' The idea is that you continue ownership of only the things that "spark joy!" Once you accept this merriment, you find a place for each item in your life. Whatever remains after i.e, all that is joyless, well that stuff is banished. Give it away, burn it, destroy it, who cares, just get it out of your sight.
Marie's methods have been met with some controversy and blowback for being a bit... extra, but for the most part we've all become obsessed. Mainly because in our heart of hearts we're all hoarders in some way and we are dying on the inside to find productive ideas to change that behavior. So let's learn a few things about Marie, because she is not going anywhere anytime soon. If Netflix is smart they've renewed her for a decade because she is basically on the path to be our Oprah for tidiness.
She didn't start all of a sudden....
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Marie is the author of several publications. Kondo has penned four books on organizing and has sold millions of copies in a myriad of languages. The book T"he Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" (2011) is her most successful to date and helped to land her on Time's 100 Most influential List for 2015.
She got a man too! And some kids...
Imagine having to live this method with the person who created it? She has a husband named Takumi Kawahara and two daughters. I'm sure they're a perfectly fun and happy family but you know nobody is sleeping in on the weekends because chores need to get done and bedsheets need cleaning. That's real joy right there! She has said at first he wasn't the tidiest of men but that has since changed with her inspiration.
Blessed be the Cleansed!
Her KonMari Method was inspired is some ways by the Japanese folk religion of "Shinto."
Apparently the followers of Shinto believe cleaning and organizing is a spiritually orgasmic experience that brings you nearer to the divine which is the most effective way to live your best life.
Obsessed Much?
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Back in her school days, Marie would efficiently spend her time by organizing bookshelves. Literally, this wasn't just what she did for fun, she saw it as a calling. She actually treated this as part of her education.
Being Saved!
One day while in the throes of shelf organizing she experienced what seemed like a breakdown and fainted, she probably got her blood boiling with organizational ecstasy. She was out cold for two hours and when she came to she says she heard a voice that showed her the true way.
She understood that she needed to do more than just organize and toss things out, she needed to embrace what could be kept and acknowledge the joy that was attached to all that is left behind. Hence sparking the method.
This Can be You Too!
Anyone of us can become certified to teach this method. Apparently we can give seminars and do home visits and be missionaries of Marie as long as we pass the class. To be a KonMari Consultant, one has to attend a seminar, audition by tidying with two clients, and of course there is a written exam. Oh and of course you must read her books and be a fan of the system. Simple enough. But not cheap. The path to being a KonMari consultant carries a price tag of $1,500.00
Bravo Audience!
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Thanks to Marie's intense process its being reported that Thrift stores are seeing an uptick in donations. That is a most definite plus as many American families are in need this winter. Goodwill has personally credited the show with their influx.
The Perfect Fit!
She stands a powerful 4 feet, 7 inches tall. Well that makes it easy to get to the hard to reach corners of any closet.
Spread the love....
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Newsweek reported that in an interview with 'The Japan Times' she discussed how her loved ones have been benefitting from her calling for quite some time.
"I used to clean my brother and sister's rooms, and I would go to friends' houses and clean their rooms, too."
Folding is Key....
Kondo has her own special and unique process of "vertical folding." Her technique is a surefire way to your keep on top of our closets by keeping their inhabitants in order. She almost makes clothing into an art form. She likens it to origami.
Pee You....
She adores the sense of smell. She adores it so much that it pains her when she is subjected to an abhorrent stench. In an interview she stated.... "If a room has some garbage, like stinky garbage, old food and stuff, yes it does bother me sometimes. But not because of the amount of clutter, it is just the smell."
Pants Off...
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She is a bit if a fashionista who likes to eep it old school. She has banished pants from he attire apparently. Kondo told the New Yorker that years ago pants, yes pants... stop bringing her joy.
Don't Look at Me...
She prefers to keep her personal life personal. She doesn't splatter her life across social media and hasn't given access of her own home. Though she has harmonized thousands of people's sanctuaries she refuses a peek at hers. Interesting... hiding something un-joylike Marie?
The Muses....
She actually appreciates clutter and uses it as a creative force. She told a Reddit fan... "because it is a good feeling for me to imagine how this person can declutter."
That's one way to get randy.
Delete, Delete, Delete....
She is not only coming for your closet. She has ways to clear up every aspect of our stress. When it comes to work and emails we all can fall severely behind. One Redditor asked her about what they should do and she had the answer, replying....
This is kind of a common question, even in Japan.
Well, I recommend to take the same method as you tidying up your house. For example, you should dedicate the whole day to tidying up your email inbox (or in one shot). In the same way, you move on to the next category of documents and files - for example, you just want to work on this specific folder today. But you want to get it ALL done. It is important to finish up this category in one shot.
I know your eyes get very tired! You can take a break while doing it.
The Power of 6!
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If you've not gotten onboard the Kondo train after hearing all this then review the following sic simple steps listed in 'The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up' by Marie and if you feel it touches you, take a glance at 'Tidying Up' on Netflix...
- Commit yourself to tidying up.
- Imagine your ideal lifestyle.
- Finish discarding first.
- Tidy by category, not by location.
- Follow the right order.
- Ask yourself if it sparks joy.
Also, be sure to check out these Kondo-inspired tools for keeping a clean home.
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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