Man Seeks Help To Politely Get His GF To Stop Wearing All His Clothes Without Hampering Relationship
A man on Reddit was seeking advice about how to delicately talk to his girlfriend about an issue he's having:
How do I (25M) politely get my longterm SO (24F) to stop wearing my clothes. Yes, I’m serious.
Original post:TL;DR: gf wears all my clothes incessantly and it's causing me problems when I have no clean clothes to wear myself. How do I nicely fix this problem?
So my girlfriend wears my clothes. No big deal, right? It's normal for a girlfriend to wear your hoodie or sleep in your T-shirt. Usually I'd agree, but this has actually become a problem for me.
My girlfriend changes 3x a day on her days off. Once in the morning after her shower, once when she comes home from her errands, and again when she goes to bed into pajamas. Also pretty normal. Here's where it starts to cause a problem for me though
Outfit 1: my T-shirt, her jeans.
Outfit 2. Another new T-shirt of mine, my lounge pants
Outfit 3: a third new T-shirt of mine, and a second pair of my lounge pants.
She goes through my clothes 3x faster than I do. It's started to cause issues when I need clothing to wear but everything I own is dirty.
In addition, all my clothes that were somewhat tight fitting she enjoys the most. Doesn't sound too bad, but if your clothing is somewhat tight, every time you wash it, it shrinks back a little from the stretch your body caused by wearing it. My nice, form fitting undershirts have now only been worn by her, resulting in no stretch and only shrinkage, as she's a small girl, and no longer fit me at all. She's also throws them all over the floor, which is just a pet peeve of mine. I don't like my nice clothes on the floor with pet hair.
I've bought extra clothes to the point where they don't all fit in my drawer if every piece of clothing is clean and folded. She now thinks I have a slight clothes hoarding problem, exacerbated by the fact that she's basically stopped buying clothes and is down to a fraction of the amount she used to have, which is now small in comparison to my collection. Because she doesn't ever use them.
Things I've tried: Asking her to wash clothes more - she gets mad at me for asking this because "barely any of the dirty clothes are even hers!" And, admittedly, she does do most of the cleaning around our house, because I have a very busy work/school schedule. It does not connect in her mind that even though they're mine, she used them. I've tried pointing this out after a few days of laundry building up, but she just downright refuses to believe that she actually truly uses them that much. If I try telling her the moment she puts them on, she thinks I'm being petty.
Asking her not to wear my clothes - I stumbled over this one like the clumsy male that I am. Probably worded it way wrong. She took it as I'm not ok with her wearing my clothes at all. I think it's pretty cute when she wears my big sweat shirts. It doesn't bother me. She got super upset and we got into a fight that ended in her saying "fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again." Which of course doesn't last because we made up, and both said things we didn't mean.
Asking her not to change into new clothes of mine so much - total no go for her. She's a clean freak and to the point where if she puts on a shirt and after 5 minutes decides she doesn't want to wear it, that shirt has to go in the dirty laundry. Not the drawer. The idea of changing less, or even worse, resusing a pair of pants or T-shirt she wore that day, disgusts her. I can understand this I guess.
What do I do?
Advice Started Pouring In About The Issue...
Can you give her some of your clothes and say these are mine but okay for you to wear- but I'd appreciate if you didn't wear my other things? Like a pile of clothes that is green lit for her to wear?
If she gets upset just keep calm and rationally talk to her. If you decided to wear her clothes all the time and got things dirty she wanted to wear- would she be upset? You don't want to ban all of it because she likes to wear your stuff and it's cute to see her in an old tshirt of yours- but some things you want that are just yours and off limits.
Set Those Boundaries
fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again.
That seems to be the best solution. There is no way you can allow her to use judgement in when it is too much. You have tried and she goes way beyond the "cute" stage of wearing your T-shirt to bed. She wears multiple items several times a day. Plus she is sloppy by throwing them on the floor. So, the best way to handle it is -- you wear your own clothes and I will wear mine.
I think she has a possessive nature and wearing your clothes is her way of say, "you are mine."
"Just Tell Her"
Your SO getting upset when you literally do not have a shirt for your back in my opinion is a little bit strange. Being long term you guys should be able to talk about this small issue without anybody getting argumentative and the fact she's a clean freak shouldn't really be an excuse to why she can't wear her own clothes?
If my partner said to me "Babe, you're literally wearing everything I own to the point I have nothing to wear. Is it alright to tone it down a bit or use a few of your own clothes for lounging as I need those shirts for work?" I would of course do so.
My boyfriend has come home with new clothes and has explicitly said "please don't wear these as they're for work". It isn't an insult it's just common sense. You need clothes and she needs to not be so dramatic with throwing something in the wash after having it on for 5 minutes. Just tell her.
Maybe It's Indicative Of Something Bigger...
You shouldn't have to go buy her clothing or figure out a super gentle way to tell her. Adults should be able to handle, "Please stop wearing my clothes, I want them to be clean and inn good condition when I need them." If she can't respect a basic and simple boundary then there are real problems.
If you want, give her a couple things to wear. Don't feel that you need to.
Do Unto Others
Tell her to stop wearing your clothes. If she keeps going wear her favorite t shirt with her most expensive yoga pants whether it fits or not. I think that should stop her. She's being more than unreasonable by not responding to all your reasonable requests to either stop wearing your clothes or at least wash them if she wears them. I say this a girl with a boyfriend who I regularly borrow clothes from. However I also ask before borrowing things no matter how many times I have borrowed that clothing item before.
Could Be Indicative Of A Deeper Problem
A little late to this but I'll still throw my 2 cents in. If she's depressed or showing signs of depression this might be why she's shrugging off your concerns. She is using the control aspect of your clothing and your guys relationship to feel like she isn't losing control of everything. Unfortunately you still can't make excuses for this behavior, she is an adult and if you suffer in silence then down the road you'll regret it. You guys will fall into an unhealthy pattern of her arguing with you then shutting down and you forgiving her and staying quiet. This is detrimental to her growth and the relationship. I myself dealt with hard things in my life and I had to grow up for my sake and my husbands. If you truly care about her sit her down and set boundries, when she argues end the conversation until you're both calm then pick it up again. Continue to cover the same points until she understands because honestly this isn't about your clothes or your relationship. If she has a lot going on in her life and is feeling down then this is about her not letting go of all control. You care about her and that's obvious but sometimes caring means tough love.
Maybe Ask Where The Real Problem Is
I think it's a bigger problem here that you can't ask her to stop doing something simple without it turning into a big fight.
Perhaps Everyone Needs To Be Fine With Everything
You guys are essentially sharing a closet. It's not a problem for her to be wearing your clothes, but they're YOUR clothes, not hers. She needs to either be fine with reusing your clothes for multiple wears or ask if she can reduce the amount she wears (for example, only using them for lounging or pjs).
She also needs to be wearing her own clothes. Does she like your clothes because of your style? She can buy the exact same ones of her own. Because your clothes are soft? She can buy soft clothes. Because your clothes smell like you? Buy her some of your cologne and she can spray it on her clothes.
Also, make sure she knows it's not something you're angry about, so she doesn't feel like you're attacking her, and whatever you suggest is to make you happier.
Hide Them Like Treasure
Lock your closet door. Maybe she'll start to use her own clothes. Or hide your good/new clothes somewhere else, so she has access to the clothes you don't want (or the ones undershirts she had destroyed already). This way she won't have the feeling that she isn't allowed to use them, but she won't touch the good stuff anymore.
Meet Her Halfway
two things spring to mind: firstly, if you're bothered by the amount of dirty laundry piling up then why don't you do it? someone else suggested a laundry schedule, i think that could be a good idea. sharing chores is only fair in a couple.
secondly, my other thought was that maybe next time you both need new clothes you could go shopping together and buy some gender neutral stuff that you can both wear. that way you have clothes that are designated as 'sharing clothes' and she may focus on those more. i think where you might be going wrong is not setting a clear enough boundary by saying 'please don't wear my clothes, unless you're doing it in a cute way eg. big sweater'. i'm not saying you have to go all or nothing, but you need to clearly define what she is or isn't allowed to wear.
Stand Your Ground
Just stick with her not wearing your clothes. Seriously. If it's an issue, nip it in the bud like you have and move on.
The, "Fine! I be won't ever wear anything of yours ever again," is a manipulative hyperbole designed to inspire feelings of guilt. You need to ignore it or she's going to be wearing ALL of your clothes again.
For some people it's give an inch, take a mile. Sounds like your girlfriend is like this. Don't budge.
Ask: Why Does She Truly Like Wearing Them?
She might not feel well in her own skin and is trying to camouflage it with your clothes, because she associates them with love and trust.
I'm not saying that you should let her have all you clothes, though.
Some weeks ago I realized that I was depressed and needed to show love for myself. So I went to Primark and got myself fluffy pyamas, socks, leggings, jumpers, bedthrows, and so on. I'm jeans-less since 3 weeks, I only wear the comfiest, fluffiest, warmest cloths available. No boyfriend, so nobody to steal relaxing clothes from.
What I want to say is: Yes, there is problem, yes, there's a reason for it, yes, you guys have to talk about it and find solutions.
Set Some Aside
If I were you, I would just pick a few outfits for the week and ask her to not wear those. After some time, this should work itself out. This is her way of coping with stress. Some people suffer from anxiety when they don't see their SO as often as they like. Wearing their SOs clothes can help them.
Try buying some clothes and seeing if she likes the fit on her. A little humor could help this issue. To me, this is someone that you have no intention of leaving anytime soon. You want to work through your issues together. Give her permission to wear your clothes. Just create some boundaries for your own sake.
Visual Evidence Is A Big Assist
I think it might help bring the point home if you had two laundry baskets for your clothes. One basket for your clothes that you've worn, and one basket for your clothes that she's worn.
That will either help understand that the issue isn't as big as you think it is, or, more likely, it will help her see that she's using far more of your clothes than you are.
Good luck!
...Seriously. Get. That. Laundry. Basket.
If she doesn't realize how much she's wearing your clothes (all the dirty laundry is your clothes), how about having two laundry hampers or two separate piles? So she can actually see how much she contributes despite only seeing your items. I wear clothes for several days so I generally remember what I borrowed but if she's going through so many she probably just doesn't notice.
What's Your Real Excuse?
I'm not trying to attack you, but this really sounds like a case of "but she's hot!"
Go back and read through your responses, look at all the excuses you've given. Basically everything that's been suggested, you've already tried. And it hasn't worked.
This may be "just" clothes and ridiculous in the grand scale of things, but it's gotten to a point where it causes you A LOT of inconvenience in your daily life, more than it reasonably should. And your girlfriend just doesn't care, to be frank. Consider that.
When All Else Fails, Maybe Use Math
She's a clean freak but throws your clothes (not hers) on the floor? No, she just treats your items like crap.
If she keeps insisting that she didn't wear your clothes that much, ask her what outfits she wore that day and the day before and then extrapolate that number into items per week.
Just tell her that your clothes are off limits, period. And BTW, I'm female and consider her behavior out of line.
Be Up Front And Use The Facts
"Hey, I don't really have much by way of clothes, and while I find you super cute in my stuff, we need to figure out a way for me to have clean clothes to wear, and for you to be able to steal a shirt or two when you want to. Thoughts?"
Tell her the problem, ask her to be part of the solution?
u/RAThrowawa8859 Added Later On...
To answer some common questions: Does she treat her stuff better than mine/questions about how she can be a neat freak and throw my clothes around? No. She's usually respectful of belongings. Clothing is just something immune to her ocd. She leaves her clothes in the laundry basket until she needs them. Hell, sometimes she'll fold my clothes and not her own.
What's her maturity level like? Yeah I know this seems pretty immature. It is. But for context, She had a rough upbringing and it resulted in her having to mature in some ways much younger than the average girl, but has left her maturity....stunted...in other areas. We're working through it. She still deserves love.
Does she hyperbolize other arguments to get her way? Yes. We have talks about that. It's a problem we're actively addressing. I have slight anger issues and she works through my irritability at small things. We try to deal with each other's problems, not run from them.
Why don't you just stand up to her? Be blunt and let her be mad? This just isn't an approach that's constructive in our relationship. That kind of approach just causes her to shut down, and me to get angry over every little thing I can possibly think of.
Why the hell does she not do laundry, she's 24? She does! She's not as proactive as i am about. She's more of a "wait til i NEED to do it," whereas i like to do it as soon as i have a load. We both do laundry, and a bunch of other chores! But recently she got a new job and she's also dealing with a complex family issue that's causing depression. With school on top she's struggling to keep up with what she used to do. I also do chores! I've picked up a lot more since her life has changed. Our dynamic with assigning chores has always been pretty good. It's only when I ask her to do it more often that she becomes offendedStick It Through
Well done for sticking through despite seeing her problems, you never saw her as a lost cause which is awesome. I see some traits in her that my partner has (he has aspergers). He will leave clothes all over the bedroom floor (I've found socks in the weirdest places). But heaven forbid there's a mark on the kitchen bench top or stove he's gotta scrub it, if you try to put a filled glass on a table he's gotta quickly grab a coaster for you. Fortunately our communication is much better so we don't have such issues.
A few suggestions have been good but I think a combination would work.
Segregate your clothes (maybe even get a suitcase or something to do so) and emphasise what she can and can't wear (I wouldn't allow pants at all) and say that if she touches the ones you said she couldn't not only will you be mad and upset, you'll also not have any clothes to wear (you're allowed to get mad sometimes, don't be afraid to be) I'd also offer to take her shopping to add to her clothing collection, even if it's the sort of clothes you'd wear. I'd also suggest seeing a relationship specialist to help with your communication problems together. And see if you can convince her to get tested for mental disorders like Aspergers or personality disorder, if she is then there's a crap ton of information out there about techniques for communication and routines etc. Make sure you shower with love when you do, and reassure that no matter what you love her.
Good luck with everything.
What would you say to someone like this? Share your advice!
I love unconventional movies and storytellers.
I live for the times when artists and creatives take big chances.
Sometimes those chances pay off and other times... it's a travesty of life.
Yes, I'm dramatic, and so is movie-making!
The WTF aspect.
That is usually born out of big chances.
Whether that moment leaves people thrilled, shocked, or disgusted... that's in the subjectiveness of it all.
It's always a gamble to create.
Redditor MightGuy420x wanted to share thoughts about some of the movies that left our brains and souls puzzled, so they asked:
"What movie had you saying 'What the f**k' the most while watching?"
Movies leave me aghast more often than not.
And endings are never easy.
Last Lines
"Swiss Army Man."
JawlessRegent64
"Isn't 'What the f**k?' also the last spoken line in the film?"
frygod
daniel radcliffe GIF by A24Giphy"Yeah lol, literally. It made me laugh so hard because I'd been saying that for the entire two hours I was sitting on my couch watching it. Never saw that coming from Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe is a strange man lol."
JawlessRegent64
A Midnight Opening
"The most audible 'What the f**k?' I have ever heard from an entire movie theater audience was actually from Pixar."
"It was their short film Bao, I think before Incredibles 2. A woman makes a little baby out of dumpling ingredients, there is a cute montage of them together, and then she eats it without warning."
"It was a midnight opening so the audience was all adults, and yeah nobody saw that coming."
AllBadAnswers
Weird but Funny
"Sorry to Bother You."
MCPanda6969
"I saw this in theaters having absolutely no idea where it was heading (like everyone I think). I must’ve walked out to pee at exactly the wrong time, when I came back I had to double-check it was still the right theater."
drownednotgod
"I freaking love this movie and you're exactly right. There was a point I went from like 'This is a weird one, but it's funny' to 'What in the actual f**k is happening?'"
"What's even better is if you go back and watch, they led you right up until that point. They're always hinting at it, but the protagonist makes everything about him and I think that's why it just hits you out of nowhere."
JackJackensworth
Gross
"Splice."
AnotherBadPlayer
"I feel bad for introducing this movie incorrectly to some friends. I really thought it was going to be some kind of science-fiction drama. And then Adrian Brody mated with it."
ddh85
"Well, that's easy the thing he was f**king was a human-animal hybrid that he raised from birth like a daughter and was made from his girlfriend's DNA the hybrid later changes from female to male and attacks the before-mentioned girlfriend which I guess is technically its own mother."
o_MrBombastic_o
30% Out!!
"Mother!"
GreatTragedy
"We had to refund AT LEAST 30% of the admissions for this movie every day when I worked in a theater. People were leaving the cinema pissed off because of this movie."
RepresentativeName18
jennifer lawrence mother movie GIF by mother!GiphyThat movie makes no sense at all.
Someone explain it to me!
No Light
"Human centipede."
Odd_Adhesiveness4804
"When Roger Ebert reviewed this movie, he gave it zero stars, saying such a movie could exist only in a universe with no light in it whatsoever, and hence there could be no stars in his review of it."
PhuckingDuped
Over It Rose GIF by HULUGiphyJan's Story
"Abducted in Plain Sight."
sodangshedonger
"My mom actually went to school with Jan and her mom was friends with my grandma. I’ve tried to get my mom to watch the show but she has refused because 'I have already had more than enough Jan Broberg in my life.'"
"From what my mom said, I’d take everything the family claims happened (especially Jan’s story about what happened while she was kidnapped) with a grain of salt because Jan was apparently super melodramatic even before the abduction."
"That said, I found the show to be less shocking than most people because their naïveté is incredibly unsurprising for a Mormon family in a small town in the 70s."
ToBeReadOutLoud
Unconvential
"The Lobster."
awakami
"Seriously had no idea what I was getting into. A couple and a dude bailed out of the theater when I saw it."
2ndRook
"The Lobster made me realize I had an unconventional taste for films. It’s my favorite film of all time next to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I tried to make my friends watch it, and they all would bail out mid-film."
areyousureyourealive
"This. What utter f**king bats*it crazy horseshit this movie was."
Tackit286
Hey John...
"'Being John Malkovich' is just one weird thing happening after the other, giving you very little time to process it."
LoopyPro
"I got to see an advanced screening of Being John Malkovich. I knew absolutely nothing about it going in. It was the first time I was ever left so completely speechless by a movie in such a good way."
"I was already in love with the movie before the portal was even introduced. It could have just been a really weird series of set pieces revolving around those bizarre characters interacting in that weird half-floor and puppetry recitals and I would have been happy. Then it gets all metaphysical and kooky... And it did it all so perfectly."
lingh0e
Unreal
"Cats. I was just constantly saying 'What the f**k?' under my breath as I watched it in theaters. I honestly don't remember much of it. It was so incoherent in tone and execution, and weird that it just feels like a fever dream in my memory."
daddydonetomuch
Taylor Swift Dancing GIF by Cats MovieGiphySo many movie WTFs for me are about... "How did THIS find funding?!"
Thank God for vodka.
Many of us find scientific facts fascinating, and for good reason, but like all subjects, there are aspects of scientific study that are positively disturbing and can keep us up late at night.
When asked, Reddit of course had an endless supply of factoids to haunt their fellow Redditors.
Redditor The_D1ngb4t asked:
"What scientific fact scares the absolute s**t out of you?"
The Carrington Event
"I don’t remember what it was called, but there was an event in the 1800s caused by solar activity where telegraphs operated on their own without power and I think caused minor damage."
"Should such a solar event happen again, it would destroy all of our internet network capabilities and other electrical gear. Anyone know what I’m referring to?"
"Edited to Add: The Carrington Event."
- 123eyecansee
Atomic Bomb
"When the atom bomb was being created, the leading scientists associated with the project at the time had to calculate the flammability of the Earth's atmosphere in order to ensure that detonating the bomb would not cause the atmosphere to combust."
"At the time when the first atom bomb was detonated, these scientists still had not answered this question, meaning that we legitimately just crossed our fingers and hoped we wouldn't set the f**king planet on fire. Humans are stupid."
- Otherwise-Win7936
Outer Space
"Space just in general. Or that bit about the Higgs Field not being in true equilibrium and that returning to it would break everything as we know it."
- SEND_ME_UR_TINY
Sneaky Cancer
"The fact that your body can have advancing cancer and you wouldn’t know it sometimes. My father-in-law's brother was walking through his kitchen and he fainted and hit his head on the counter. He was rushed to the hospital and they ran tests."
"He had stage four pancreatic cancer and his body was already in the endgame. He was dead within two months of diagnosis. That shit terrifies me and it can happen to anyone."
- bigpapahugetim3
"Happened to my five-year-old daughter. For a week she had a nose bleed on and off that the doctors weren't concerned about since kids get nose bleeds for various reasons."
"Then she collapsed a week later and was gone three hours after getting to the hospital. She had leukemia. I have two other children and I'm terrified something could happen to them too."
- mamadrama91
Alzheimer's Disease
"Scientific literature’s conclusion on Alzheimer’s disease and other neurodegenerative diseases, in general, is that the diseases start decades before the first obvious symptoms and that we need to treat them at this stage."
"When you exhibit obvious symptoms, it’s too late, your brain is already mush."
"If you get diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 65, you had the disease since your early 40s at least. And you experienced very mild symptoms but didn’t notice them. And your brain fought like hell to compensate for the deficit."
"When you get diagnosed, your brain is already very severely damaged and will never recover from the deficit."
- Alkuna
The Suddenness of It
"The fact that we can just get a blood clot and die and not realize anything was up. The human body has so many ways of just suddenly dying and it's terrifying."
- a-packet-of-noodles
A Distinct Possibility
"I'm not afraid of suddenly dying. I'm afraid of suddenly being severely disabled."
- phunkydroid
"My cousin was always riding horses. She was very lucky to have the access to them that she did. She was riding with a less experienced friend. The friend’s horse took off and she gave chase to try and save her friend."
"Whatever happened, she took a fall and was paralyzed when she was maybe 22 or 23 years old and lived in a facility for the next 12 years until she died a very early death."
"She couldn’t speak or communicate hardly. Just 12 years of hardship. She had to rediscover and grieve her father's death all over again, not to mention grieve her own life. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone."
- cranwitch
The Boogeyman of Medicine
"Prion diseases exist."
- hiboJBob
"From my understanding of CJD, or Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (it's the boogeyman of my career field), it's something you contract, but it takes about 10 years for any symptoms to appear, and either way it's impossible to do anything about. So eerie, honestly."
- s00perball
"Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease."
"It's genetic. You won't know that you have it. When you know that you have it, there is zero recourse. It will eat holes in your brain and you'll die."
"That, and Fatal Familial Insomnia, also genetic. One of your parents woke up one day and couldn't fall back asleep until they died, having suffered rapidly progressing neural degeneration."
"And it tends to set in around mid-life, so you spend every day waking up knowing it might be the last time. You find it hard to build relationships and have a family because you know it's not a matter of if, only when. But you know you're not gonna see your golden years."
- __garlic__
No Floating Here
"You can get non-buoyant water."
"In wastewater treatment plants, they aerate the water so the bacteria breaking down the poo has plenty of oxygen. Due to the introduced air, the water density is low enough that a human body (or most any object that would normally float) will go straight to the bottom."
- MustNotSay
Poor Yeller
"Rabies. You can have it and never know until it decides it's time. And then you'll die terribly."
- PMyourTastefulN**es
A Reality
"That one day I will die. I don't know why, but sometimes at night, as I'm falling asleep, I suddenly think of this and it freaks me out. Like, start feeling super anxious."
- nastybacon
"Just know that once you die, you could either stop existing, which isnt painful, or you could discover a whole different world."
- InfernoSlayer2
Why Can't We See or Touch It? ...Or Can We?
"The metaphysical aspect of consciousness."
"Where is consciousness? What is it? When does it really end? Where does it go when we die? When we sleep? How does it occupy our entire being without being physically present?"
"We are quite literally the universe experiencing itself, in a fragile little bubble on a mote of dust in a sunbeam."
"And yet, what exactly are we?"
"That’s the sort of question that keeps me up at night. I don’t fear death, I don’t fear world annihilation, but I am deeply unsettled by the mere experience of being aware."
- Bloorajah
How Terrible
"Methanol contains very little carbon, so when it burns, it's basically invisible."
"Can you imagine death by burning alive, and no one can see the flames, so they can't put them out?"
- boxofmarshmallows
C. Difficile Infection
"Every time you use an antibiotic, even for something mild like strep throat or bronchitis or traveler’s diarrhea, you technically could get C. Difficile infection from your wiped out gut flora. And that could end up a lingering, resistant infection, that leads to colectomy or fecal transplant."
"Antibiotics are scary. And there’s a reason doctors only want to prescribe them if absolutely needed."
- TheSunscreenLife
Infinite Darkness
"Less 'scary' and more 'mind-numbingly depressing' is the Dark Era of the universe."
"When all the star fuel is gone (and it will be) and all the white dwarves have gone cold and dark (and they will) and all the black holes have evaporated away into elementary particles (and they will), the universe will be a cold, dark place..."
"Forever."
- Imissyourgirlfriend2
As fascinating as science is, there are some truly dark, troubling corners that we can linger over for too long.
While it's good to be knowledgeable of these possibilities, we need to remember the lighter aspects of life, as well.
Any kind of romantic relationship takes work.
Once the honeymoon phase ends, both partners involved realize that if they're going to stay for the long haul, they must equally put in the effort.
However, not all relationships are built the same. Some have no hope in salvaging a relationship that is never meant to be.
So how do you avoid an eventual heartbreak after so much investment of time?
Redditor icyqueen999999 got some helpful hints after asking:
"What is a dead giveaway of a toxic relationship?"
Trust was severely lacking in these relationships.
Proof Of Fidelity
"My 57 year old colleague constantly has to send videos and pics of him working to his wife."
– LB89LB19
Speaking From Experience
"My ex always tried to make me do this. F'king obnoxious. Guess who was eventually found out to never be where he said he was and was sneaking around instead? Lol."
– AlpacaOurBags
Final Analysis
"It's not only that but if you make someone spend all their energy proving that they are faithful, they don't have the mental capacity to even consider their partner might be the unfaithful one."
– sturmeh
Submitting Detailed Records
"I found out the other week that my buddy has to send his girlfriend detailed notes with timestamps of legitimately everything he does while hanging out with the guys..."
"9:14 went down to the kitchen for a glass or water 9:15 stopped to pet the cats before heading upstairs 9:18 made it back upstairs and sat on the right side of the couch."
– rowdy_sprout
Both parties involved have to benefit from a relationship. These examples reflect ones that don't.
Path Of Least Resistance
"One partner always gets their way."
"For me, it was 'easier' to bend over backward than to deal with the whining and complaining if I stood my ground. Easier is in quotes because it was only easier in the short term - long term made life hell."
– The_Griffin_Scimitar
Mental And Physical Toll
"Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want."
"Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?"
"We saw Wicked."
"When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children."
– VaiterZen
Failure In The Long Term
"Sadly, in these sorts of relationships, the person who cares the least has the most power. You could bend over backwards trying to please the other person, and it might keep them around in the short term, but it doesn't change the fact they don't really respect you. You know in your gut that if you ever actually stood your ground on any issue instead of giving in to them, things would end there and then."
– Innalibra
It appears the love has vacated the scene a long time ago.
Talking Smack
"If someone is always talking crap about their partner whenever they are not together."
"I've seen this far too many times, it's always ended in total disaster withing a few years at most."
– ricochetpeestream
Endless Complaining
"Ugh, yup. I've listened to so many people complain about their partners and I just wonder: WHY are y'all together!? If I get a chance to talk about my bf, you can bet I'll start dishing out everything I love about him."
– MelanisticCrow
Hostility
"Lack of trust and constant fights."
– Lost-Championship914
"I once read that contempt is the #1 sign of a relationship on its deathbed. When partners don’t respect each other, it sets the stage for every other bad thing."
– PartySquirrel1
Breaking up is hard to do, as the song goes.
But when a relationship has been on the rocks and has turned unbearable to the point of resenting one another, there's no point in staying with the toxic situation.
Acknowledging the red flags and willingly staying in a miserable situation is not healthy.
There is always something, or someone, better out there.
All of us have found ourselves forced to lie at some point in our lives.
In most cases, it's been just a little white lie that didn't lead to any serious repercussions and may have even spared the feelings of others.
Other people's lies, however, end up causing unexpected ripple effects, making an already bad situation even worse.
Of course, lying is something of a gift, as some people's lies are as clear to detect as the nose on their faces.
While some people are so good at lying, they manage to have everyone fooled for the rest of their lives.
Some of these lies are so spectacular, that they've even earned a place in the history books.
"What is the most successful lie in history?"
They Couldn't Detect It For Years
"Have you ever heard of a radar detector?"
"How about a radar detector detector, which the police use to see if you have a detector?"
"Ever wonder how they work?"
"I mean, a radar detector is a receiver, how could the police possibly know you have one?"
"Until recently, practically every radio used a concept called superheterodyne."
"Basically there’s a tiny radio transmitter in your receiver, that signal is mixed with the one from the antenna and the result is what your receiver tunes to."
"It's one of the most important inventions of the 20th century, and you most likely never heard of it."
"The problem is that sometimes the tiny transmitter is poorly shielded and some of it leaks back out the antenna."
"If you know what that 'intermediate frequency' is you can listen for it."
"The Escort radar detectors, which were super-popular in the 80's, leaked like a sieve.""Presto, radar detector detectors."
"Takeaway: if you know what you're looking for, you can actually detect someone else's radio receiver."
"The setup."
"In 1942 RAF planes began using VHF radar to look for German submarines leaving port in France at night."
"All of a sudden they were getting sunk en mass."
"The Germans were familiar with other British radars working around this frequency and were able to find the new radar's frequency around August."
"They built a receiver, Metox, which was tuned to this frequency."
"When a plane using this radar was anywhere in the area, Metox would play a sound into the radio operator's headphones."
"By October most of the fleet had it and the RAF pilots were returning with stories about how the uboats would always dive as soon as they turned toward them to attack."
"But the RAF had prepared for this moment, they knew it was only a matter of time before the Germans found the frequency."
"Earlier two grad students had come up with a new device called the magnetron that produced very strong radio signals from a device the size of a breadbox."
"And the signal was REALLY short, about 10 cm, whereas their older radars were 150."
"So Metox was completely incapable of 'hearing' it, it was tuned way too far from the frequency of the new signal."
"They rushed the new system into production and the first sets started arriving just in time for the uboat campaign to start up again in spring when the weather got better."
"By March it was clear to the Germans something was up."
"Their boats were getting sunk en mass again, and the ones that escaped attack said there was no warning on their detectors."
"They tried everything to detect the new signal, but they just couldn’t find it."
"This was because they were missing one extremely important bit of electronics, the crystal detector, and simply couldn’t hear the signals no matter how hard they tried."
"And now the lie."
"Knowing something was up, uboats were on high alert all the time."
"One got lucky and shot down its attacker, and captured the crew."
"During interrogation they asked why they could no longer detect the radar."
"The pilot told them they no longer used radar. Instead, he claimed, they had a receiver for Metox and under perfect conditions they could pick it up 90 miles away."
"They only turned on the radar at the last minute for range measurements so they knew when to drop the depth charges."
"By that time the U-boat was too busy exploding to notice."
"The Germans didn’t believe him, but it was technically possible, once can indeed make a receiver to detect your receiver."
"And Metox was known to be 'leaky', as it was deliberately built quick and cheap from a pre-war French radio set."
"So they built their own Metox receiver in the lab, and sure enough, they could detect it."
"So then they put it on a plane and detected one of their boats 60 miles away."
"Utter panic."
"Orders were sent out to all boats: turn off Metox."
"And so not only did the RAF get to keep using their fancy new magnetron radar without the Germans even trying to detect it, but then they turned off their perfectly good Metox detectors and all the RAF planes with the older radar suddenly started working again too!"
"And THAT is the greatest lie ever."
"By the end of June, the uboat fleet was on the bottom of the ocean."
"This was not due entirely to this trick, there were a number of things that all arrived at almost the same time that did it."
"It was the combination of the new radars, huff-duff, larger numbers of frigates dedicated to the taskand the lack of any detectors on the uboats that made even the old radars work again all arrived within two months."
"And that was that."
"The Germans finally figured it out some time around November. November!"
"Apparently the pilot made the whole thing up on his own."
"This little white lie helped open the Atlantic to the convoys of 1943 that led to the end of Italy’s involvement and ultimately dday."- maurymarkowitz
Point Pointing GIF by Sarah & DuckGiphyElizabeth Taylor Had Us All Fooled
"That diamonds are valuable."
"Made one family really really rich though lol."
"Gotta love how many people try to defend their artificially inflated value."
"Just shows how well the lie continues to work lol."- sfPanzer
All Talk, NO Truth
"Frank Abagnale Jr., the inspiration for 'Catch me If You Can', apparently wasn’t as big of a con man that the movie leads you to believe."
'He conned people into thinking he was a bigger con man than he actually was."- rickejohn
Surveillance, Or Just Profiling?
"'We are using mass surveillance to help catch terrorists'."- Salty_Cantaloupe4926
GiphyAll It Takes Is One Click
"'I acknowledge that I have read and agree to the above Terms and Conditions'."- SuvenPan
Maybe Not A Lie, But Pretty Misleading
"Iceland and Greenland."- Technical_Put_9173
...Might Have To Think About This One...
"I before E except after C."
"Unless your foreign neighbor Keith offers you eight counterfeit sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters."
"Weird."- BigJDizzleMaNizzles
Nicksplat Nickelodeon GIF by Hey ArnoldGiphyIt's Easy To Believe Most Rumors...
"In the 90s kids spread the rumor that Marilyn Manson had a rib removed so he could suck his own d*ck."
"We spread this rumor across the entire country without the use of cell phones or the internet."- Solid_Science4514
They Really Weren't The Least Bit Suspicious?
"Trojan horse comes to mind."- riphitter
All ISN'T Fair In Politics...
"That lobbying isn't just bribery with extra steps."- fentown
Corruption Lobbying GIF by Transparency InternationalGiphyThere's No Way Of Knowing
"One that we'll never know was a lie."- Rare_Cause_1735
Oldest One In The Book...
"It's not you, its me"- read110
It's All In The Balance...
"That fat is harmful to your diet."
"That was just false information."
"And by trying to replace fats with sugar, obesity became an epidemic."- Mangobonbon
Some lies are easily spotted from miles away.
Others are so convincing, the world will never know they were duped.