Man Seeks Help To Politely Get His GF To Stop Wearing All His Clothes Without Hampering Relationship
A man on Reddit was seeking advice about how to delicately talk to his girlfriend about an issue he's having:
How do I (25M) politely get my longterm SO (24F) to stop wearing my clothes. Yes, I’m serious.
Original post:TL;DR: gf wears all my clothes incessantly and it's causing me problems when I have no clean clothes to wear myself. How do I nicely fix this problem?
So my girlfriend wears my clothes. No big deal, right? It's normal for a girlfriend to wear your hoodie or sleep in your T-shirt. Usually I'd agree, but this has actually become a problem for me.
My girlfriend changes 3x a day on her days off. Once in the morning after her shower, once when she comes home from her errands, and again when she goes to bed into pajamas. Also pretty normal. Here's where it starts to cause a problem for me though
Outfit 1: my T-shirt, her jeans.
Outfit 2. Another new T-shirt of mine, my lounge pants
Outfit 3: a third new T-shirt of mine, and a second pair of my lounge pants.
She goes through my clothes 3x faster than I do. It's started to cause issues when I need clothing to wear but everything I own is dirty.
In addition, all my clothes that were somewhat tight fitting she enjoys the most. Doesn't sound too bad, but if your clothing is somewhat tight, every time you wash it, it shrinks back a little from the stretch your body caused by wearing it. My nice, form fitting undershirts have now only been worn by her, resulting in no stretch and only shrinkage, as she's a small girl, and no longer fit me at all. She's also throws them all over the floor, which is just a pet peeve of mine. I don't like my nice clothes on the floor with pet hair.
I've bought extra clothes to the point where they don't all fit in my drawer if every piece of clothing is clean and folded. She now thinks I have a slight clothes hoarding problem, exacerbated by the fact that she's basically stopped buying clothes and is down to a fraction of the amount she used to have, which is now small in comparison to my collection. Because she doesn't ever use them.
Things I've tried: Asking her to wash clothes more - she gets mad at me for asking this because "barely any of the dirty clothes are even hers!" And, admittedly, she does do most of the cleaning around our house, because I have a very busy work/school schedule. It does not connect in her mind that even though they're mine, she used them. I've tried pointing this out after a few days of laundry building up, but she just downright refuses to believe that she actually truly uses them that much. If I try telling her the moment she puts them on, she thinks I'm being petty.
Asking her not to wear my clothes - I stumbled over this one like the clumsy male that I am. Probably worded it way wrong. She took it as I'm not ok with her wearing my clothes at all. I think it's pretty cute when she wears my big sweat shirts. It doesn't bother me. She got super upset and we got into a fight that ended in her saying "fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again." Which of course doesn't last because we made up, and both said things we didn't mean.
Asking her not to change into new clothes of mine so much - total no go for her. She's a clean freak and to the point where if she puts on a shirt and after 5 minutes decides she doesn't want to wear it, that shirt has to go in the dirty laundry. Not the drawer. The idea of changing less, or even worse, resusing a pair of pants or T-shirt she wore that day, disgusts her. I can understand this I guess.
What do I do?
Advice Started Pouring In About The Issue...
Can you give her some of your clothes and say these are mine but okay for you to wear- but I'd appreciate if you didn't wear my other things? Like a pile of clothes that is green lit for her to wear?
If she gets upset just keep calm and rationally talk to her. If you decided to wear her clothes all the time and got things dirty she wanted to wear- would she be upset? You don't want to ban all of it because she likes to wear your stuff and it's cute to see her in an old tshirt of yours- but some things you want that are just yours and off limits.
Set Those Boundaries
fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again.
That seems to be the best solution. There is no way you can allow her to use judgement in when it is too much. You have tried and she goes way beyond the "cute" stage of wearing your T-shirt to bed. She wears multiple items several times a day. Plus she is sloppy by throwing them on the floor. So, the best way to handle it is -- you wear your own clothes and I will wear mine.
I think she has a possessive nature and wearing your clothes is her way of say, "you are mine."
"Just Tell Her"
Your SO getting upset when you literally do not have a shirt for your back in my opinion is a little bit strange. Being long term you guys should be able to talk about this small issue without anybody getting argumentative and the fact she's a clean freak shouldn't really be an excuse to why she can't wear her own clothes?
If my partner said to me "Babe, you're literally wearing everything I own to the point I have nothing to wear. Is it alright to tone it down a bit or use a few of your own clothes for lounging as I need those shirts for work?" I would of course do so.
My boyfriend has come home with new clothes and has explicitly said "please don't wear these as they're for work". It isn't an insult it's just common sense. You need clothes and she needs to not be so dramatic with throwing something in the wash after having it on for 5 minutes. Just tell her.
Maybe It's Indicative Of Something Bigger...
You shouldn't have to go buy her clothing or figure out a super gentle way to tell her. Adults should be able to handle, "Please stop wearing my clothes, I want them to be clean and inn good condition when I need them." If she can't respect a basic and simple boundary then there are real problems.
If you want, give her a couple things to wear. Don't feel that you need to.
Do Unto Others
Tell her to stop wearing your clothes. If she keeps going wear her favorite t shirt with her most expensive yoga pants whether it fits or not. I think that should stop her. She's being more than unreasonable by not responding to all your reasonable requests to either stop wearing your clothes or at least wash them if she wears them. I say this a girl with a boyfriend who I regularly borrow clothes from. However I also ask before borrowing things no matter how many times I have borrowed that clothing item before.
Could Be Indicative Of A Deeper Problem
A little late to this but I'll still throw my 2 cents in. If she's depressed or showing signs of depression this might be why she's shrugging off your concerns. She is using the control aspect of your clothing and your guys relationship to feel like she isn't losing control of everything. Unfortunately you still can't make excuses for this behavior, she is an adult and if you suffer in silence then down the road you'll regret it. You guys will fall into an unhealthy pattern of her arguing with you then shutting down and you forgiving her and staying quiet. This is detrimental to her growth and the relationship. I myself dealt with hard things in my life and I had to grow up for my sake and my husbands. If you truly care about her sit her down and set boundries, when she argues end the conversation until you're both calm then pick it up again. Continue to cover the same points until she understands because honestly this isn't about your clothes or your relationship. If she has a lot going on in her life and is feeling down then this is about her not letting go of all control. You care about her and that's obvious but sometimes caring means tough love.
Maybe Ask Where The Real Problem Is
I think it's a bigger problem here that you can't ask her to stop doing something simple without it turning into a big fight.
Perhaps Everyone Needs To Be Fine With Everything
You guys are essentially sharing a closet. It's not a problem for her to be wearing your clothes, but they're YOUR clothes, not hers. She needs to either be fine with reusing your clothes for multiple wears or ask if she can reduce the amount she wears (for example, only using them for lounging or pjs).
She also needs to be wearing her own clothes. Does she like your clothes because of your style? She can buy the exact same ones of her own. Because your clothes are soft? She can buy soft clothes. Because your clothes smell like you? Buy her some of your cologne and she can spray it on her clothes.
Also, make sure she knows it's not something you're angry about, so she doesn't feel like you're attacking her, and whatever you suggest is to make you happier.
Hide Them Like Treasure
Lock your closet door. Maybe she'll start to use her own clothes. Or hide your good/new clothes somewhere else, so she has access to the clothes you don't want (or the ones undershirts she had destroyed already). This way she won't have the feeling that she isn't allowed to use them, but she won't touch the good stuff anymore.
Meet Her Halfway
two things spring to mind: firstly, if you're bothered by the amount of dirty laundry piling up then why don't you do it? someone else suggested a laundry schedule, i think that could be a good idea. sharing chores is only fair in a couple.
secondly, my other thought was that maybe next time you both need new clothes you could go shopping together and buy some gender neutral stuff that you can both wear. that way you have clothes that are designated as 'sharing clothes' and she may focus on those more. i think where you might be going wrong is not setting a clear enough boundary by saying 'please don't wear my clothes, unless you're doing it in a cute way eg. big sweater'. i'm not saying you have to go all or nothing, but you need to clearly define what she is or isn't allowed to wear.
Stand Your Ground
Just stick with her not wearing your clothes. Seriously. If it's an issue, nip it in the bud like you have and move on.
The, "Fine! I be won't ever wear anything of yours ever again," is a manipulative hyperbole designed to inspire feelings of guilt. You need to ignore it or she's going to be wearing ALL of your clothes again.
For some people it's give an inch, take a mile. Sounds like your girlfriend is like this. Don't budge.
Ask: Why Does She Truly Like Wearing Them?
She might not feel well in her own skin and is trying to camouflage it with your clothes, because she associates them with love and trust.
I'm not saying that you should let her have all you clothes, though.
Some weeks ago I realized that I was depressed and needed to show love for myself. So I went to Primark and got myself fluffy pyamas, socks, leggings, jumpers, bedthrows, and so on. I'm jeans-less since 3 weeks, I only wear the comfiest, fluffiest, warmest cloths available. No boyfriend, so nobody to steal relaxing clothes from.
What I want to say is: Yes, there is problem, yes, there's a reason for it, yes, you guys have to talk about it and find solutions.
Set Some Aside
If I were you, I would just pick a few outfits for the week and ask her to not wear those. After some time, this should work itself out. This is her way of coping with stress. Some people suffer from anxiety when they don't see their SO as often as they like. Wearing their SOs clothes can help them.
Try buying some clothes and seeing if she likes the fit on her. A little humor could help this issue. To me, this is someone that you have no intention of leaving anytime soon. You want to work through your issues together. Give her permission to wear your clothes. Just create some boundaries for your own sake.
Visual Evidence Is A Big Assist
I think it might help bring the point home if you had two laundry baskets for your clothes. One basket for your clothes that you've worn, and one basket for your clothes that she's worn.
That will either help understand that the issue isn't as big as you think it is, or, more likely, it will help her see that she's using far more of your clothes than you are.
Good luck!
...Seriously. Get. That. Laundry. Basket.
If she doesn't realize how much she's wearing your clothes (all the dirty laundry is your clothes), how about having two laundry hampers or two separate piles? So she can actually see how much she contributes despite only seeing your items. I wear clothes for several days so I generally remember what I borrowed but if she's going through so many she probably just doesn't notice.
What's Your Real Excuse?
I'm not trying to attack you, but this really sounds like a case of "but she's hot!"
Go back and read through your responses, look at all the excuses you've given. Basically everything that's been suggested, you've already tried. And it hasn't worked.
This may be "just" clothes and ridiculous in the grand scale of things, but it's gotten to a point where it causes you A LOT of inconvenience in your daily life, more than it reasonably should. And your girlfriend just doesn't care, to be frank. Consider that.
When All Else Fails, Maybe Use Math
She's a clean freak but throws your clothes (not hers) on the floor? No, she just treats your items like crap.
If she keeps insisting that she didn't wear your clothes that much, ask her what outfits she wore that day and the day before and then extrapolate that number into items per week.
Just tell her that your clothes are off limits, period. And BTW, I'm female and consider her behavior out of line.
Be Up Front And Use The Facts
"Hey, I don't really have much by way of clothes, and while I find you super cute in my stuff, we need to figure out a way for me to have clean clothes to wear, and for you to be able to steal a shirt or two when you want to. Thoughts?"
Tell her the problem, ask her to be part of the solution?
u/RAThrowawa8859 Added Later On...
To answer some common questions: Does she treat her stuff better than mine/questions about how she can be a neat freak and throw my clothes around? No. She's usually respectful of belongings. Clothing is just something immune to her ocd. She leaves her clothes in the laundry basket until she needs them. Hell, sometimes she'll fold my clothes and not her own.
What's her maturity level like? Yeah I know this seems pretty immature. It is. But for context, She had a rough upbringing and it resulted in her having to mature in some ways much younger than the average girl, but has left her maturity....stunted...in other areas. We're working through it. She still deserves love.
Does she hyperbolize other arguments to get her way? Yes. We have talks about that. It's a problem we're actively addressing. I have slight anger issues and she works through my irritability at small things. We try to deal with each other's problems, not run from them.
Why don't you just stand up to her? Be blunt and let her be mad? This just isn't an approach that's constructive in our relationship. That kind of approach just causes her to shut down, and me to get angry over every little thing I can possibly think of.
Why the hell does she not do laundry, she's 24? She does! She's not as proactive as i am about. She's more of a "wait til i NEED to do it," whereas i like to do it as soon as i have a load. We both do laundry, and a bunch of other chores! But recently she got a new job and she's also dealing with a complex family issue that's causing depression. With school on top she's struggling to keep up with what she used to do. I also do chores! I've picked up a lot more since her life has changed. Our dynamic with assigning chores has always been pretty good. It's only when I ask her to do it more often that she becomes offendedStick It Through
Well done for sticking through despite seeing her problems, you never saw her as a lost cause which is awesome. I see some traits in her that my partner has (he has aspergers). He will leave clothes all over the bedroom floor (I've found socks in the weirdest places). But heaven forbid there's a mark on the kitchen bench top or stove he's gotta scrub it, if you try to put a filled glass on a table he's gotta quickly grab a coaster for you. Fortunately our communication is much better so we don't have such issues.
A few suggestions have been good but I think a combination would work.
Segregate your clothes (maybe even get a suitcase or something to do so) and emphasise what she can and can't wear (I wouldn't allow pants at all) and say that if she touches the ones you said she couldn't not only will you be mad and upset, you'll also not have any clothes to wear (you're allowed to get mad sometimes, don't be afraid to be) I'd also offer to take her shopping to add to her clothing collection, even if it's the sort of clothes you'd wear. I'd also suggest seeing a relationship specialist to help with your communication problems together. And see if you can convince her to get tested for mental disorders like Aspergers or personality disorder, if she is then there's a crap ton of information out there about techniques for communication and routines etc. Make sure you shower with love when you do, and reassure that no matter what you love her.
Good luck with everything.
What would you say to someone like this? Share your advice!
As we get older, cars become less of something that gets us from point A to point B and more of a necessity.
Not only do we need to use cars to get from one place to another, but they also double as storage spaces, private places, and, in the worst of cases, shelter.
Because of their importance in our lives, it's good to have a few things tin your car to keep you prepared. When I got my first car, my mom stocked it with the usual supplies: jumper cables, ice scraper, spare tire, and a roll of quarters. She also added a blanket, a powerful flashlight, and a knife.
While I've never needed to the knife, I was glad to know it was there, and the other items have all come in handy.
I also like to put a change of clothes in my car. You never know when someone will cut you off in the road, making you spill coffee all over your white blouse.
Redditors know there are other important things to always keep in your car, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor Ace-Venturaa asked:
"What’s one item everyone should have in their car?"
Sick Bag
"A barf bucket. Had my dog and my kid both puke in my car. Darn dog couldn't hold the bucket."
– boegsppp
Break Out
"And a small fire extinguisher, and one of those things for breaking windows in case of an accident and the doors don’t open."
– Quick-Oil-5259
"Like, a small fire extinguisher?"
– anon10122333
Safety First...And Always
"First aid kit"
– ApolloApproaches
"In Germany it is required to have a first aid kit, reflective triangles, and reflective vests in every car"
– britishbrick
Super Important
"Some kind of disposable paper like a napkin, kleenex, baby wipes, even an old shop towel. Nothing worse than needing to blow your nose in your car and you have nothing at all to use."
– sbourwest
"A stack of chipotle napkins"
– Avocadofarmer32
"Everyone should have somewhere in their car to store some of that unnecessary amount of napkins fast food places give us."
– AloyTheN0ra
Capture The Moments
"Seriously, a dashcam."
– Sparksman91
"True. Half of having insurance is.. proof."
– A40
"At this point I'm surprised they're not included by manufacturer, or insurance companies don't just pay for them. Even if they're vampires who would never pay a cent they aren't forced to, simply removing all the headache involved in this stuff has to be worth it on their end."
– SigmaBallsLol
"Person backs into your car. Claims you hit them. Dash cam settles it."
"Person claims you ran a red light (when they did), and that's why there was a crash. Dash cam settles it."
"Etc."
"Insurance believes liars the same as honest people - unless there is evidence. Like a dash cam record."
"I bought mine used, $15, two years ago. Once a month or so I check that it's still working. Insurance insurance, and maybe someday it'll see a bigfoot, or a meteor..."
– A40
Back On The Road
"Jumper cables"
– wildling-woman
"Better yet a portable jump starter battery (like the NOCO boost). Those things are amazing. They hold a charge for months in blazing hot or freezing cold temps. They are the size of a brick. And best of all since they attach to the dead battery directly, you don't have to hope your jumper cables are long enough. They also have usb plugs to charge a phone or tablet."
– Tuesday2017
Let There Be Light
"Flash light. They are cheap can be stored for years and take up little space.,It's better to have one and not need it than need one and not have it."
– Euphoric-Beat-7206
"I keep a headlamp instead of a flashlight. That way I can have both hands if I need to change a tire or something."
– Local-Finance8389
Cozy And Warm
"A blanket. Shock from a traumatic injury can cause a sharp drop in body temperature."
– No_Library_5120
"After my bad wreck a few years back, I was in shock and I remember I felt so cold. I had no blanket in my car, nor did anyone else. It was middle of summer in the southern US. I felt like it was winter"
– Katsu_39
Money, Money, Money
"Emergency cash, I keep like $40 usd"
– Dudebrohoe
"If you're going on a road trip, stash enough cash to pay for gas to get back. If you lose your wallet you can still get home."
– banjowashisnamo
"That's a good one. Especially if you lost wallet and phone."
– lolben1
Always
"A licensed competent driver."
– Improvedandconfused
"And a can of pepper spray to take care of annoying backseat drivers."
– sleepyJoesBidet
Make A List
"1- tourniquet. Preferably one inside of a good first aid kid."
"2- glass breaker. In the unlikely event you get stuck in the car as it’s going underwater, a glass breaker / seatbelt cutter combo tool can get you out safely. If you have electric windows, a tiny amount of water can disable the electronic door locks and window buttons, a spring loaded glass breaker will make short work of it. Even if you don’t have a specialized spring loaded glass breaker, something that comes to a sharp point (like a screw driver) that can be used to break the glass out can save your life."
"3- emergency blanket. The Mylar ones that look like aluminum foil cost like 2-3 dollars. If your car breaks down and it’s snowing out, you can use it to stay warm far longer than just running the heater in the car will last. The shiny foil looking side reflects your body heat back at you, and you can use it to trap heat from the car around your body core. The more expensive ones are a little better and less likely to rip, but even the cheap ones are better than nothing. Even if you don’t get an emergency blanket, a normal quilt in the trunk isn’t a bad idea either."
"4- a lighter. A lot of cars come without cigarette lighters now apparently. In an emergency you could try rigging something up using your car battery to start a fire to either stay warm or signal someone. Or you could just flick a bic. Lighters cost 50 cents. It’s not a big investment and it might save your life."
"5- flashlight. This one requires a little more maintenance than everything else I said, as you’ll have to change the batteries every once in a while even if you don’t use it. A cheap 1-2$ LED flashlight can help immensely in a lot of situations. From having a flat and needing to see to change it to locking yourself out of your house, or needing to signal someone for help so you don’t get hit on a highway, or needing to look for a key you drop that bounces under the car or into a ditch. This one can be as simple as a keychain flashlight you put on the car keys. Headlamp is even better because you can either be hands free or use it like a normal flashlight if need be."
– PerInception
Laughing At Clouds
"an umbrella"
– KermitMadMan
"I was beginning to think I didn’t have anything on these lists and finally found one lol"
– Joshifi3d
Absolutely
"I haven't seen anybody mention this but sunglasses. You really don't want to be caught with the full blast of the sun in your eyes while you're driving. It can seriously blind you for long enough for an accident to happen"
– advancedwarlord
I have to go restock my car!
One morning at work, I was having a conversation with a co-worker. The subject was something we had discussed before: me, freaking out about possibly being let go since I was the last one hired and many businesses hadn't recovered the losses they suffered due to COVID.
My co-worker, who had previously just listened to me and offered platitudes, gave me some real advice that morning. The advice had come straight from her therapist.
"Think about your worry and think about if there is evidence to support that worry. If not, you shouldn't worry."
It seems simple, but it really helped me. While many businesses didn't recover, the company I worked for had, meaning there was no reason to worry about my job -- unless, of course, I spent so much time fretting over getting fired that my output suffered.
In an age where mental health is so important, therapists can really help with coping mechanisms, advice, and even your general outlook on life. Redditors know this is true and are ready to share some of the most valuable lessons they've learned in therapy.
It all started when Redditor figinjosejospe asked:
"What's the most valuable thing you’ve learned from therapy?"
Just Walk Away
"Sometimes it has to be YOU who needs to walk away from them. This an advice that was given to me when I had a toxic friendship that was draining me for years."
– JennFoogle
"I learned this lesson two years ago, and I am still struggling with it every day. I had a friend who is an alcoholic and a drug addict but a functional member of society. He would ALWAYS use me as an excuse by saying I am a bad influence on him when it was ALWAYS him doing drugs and just generally being a POS."
"One day he decided to try and sleep with my then spouse in my bed, I caught him, I did not immediately confront them about it but when I did she dumped me because she did not want to hurt his family..."
"Some people just need to go"
– Then_Channel_3234
"I cut off a close friend a few years ago. Long story, but I’m happy I did. Feels like I just took a huge dump."
– Scottland83
The Real Me
"No one sees the version of you that you see of yourself."
– Bazooka_Antics
"Very true! It's one of those "we are our own worst critic" situations. The way I see myself and the way I'm described by others seems dramatically different"
"Good pick!"
– appleparkfive
Just Say No
"I can say, "No" to people who won't accept a no. (100 ways to say "No" was a"homework" assignment.)"
– AQuietMan
"Additionally, "No." is a complete sentence."
"You don't have to justify no."
– coniferous-1
You Fix You
"For me, therapy taught me that my personal issues were my responsibility to fix. Blaming others accomplishes nothing. To improve, you have to take responsibility for things in your control."
– nick_otis
"This so much this! Mine told me “it’s not your fault that these things happened to you but it is your responsibility to make sure you don’t take it out on others”"
– melkyyyy
We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve
"I learned that I don’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate everyone around me at all times. I think I kind of was a pushover before and now I’m getting better at setting boundaries and standing up for myself. Not everyone in my closer circle is happy about this, but now i’m learning that it is also okay to let friendships go. I don’t owe anyone my friendship. Might sound weird, idk. But yeah :)"
– AnotherPeaInThePod
"Oh man. Same. You should have been there for my last family gathering. Me not defaulting to servant/punching back like they were used to led to an all out uproar. The worst part was they took it out on my wife, blamed her for supporting my independence and right to not be used. It's been a while since I've seen most of them now and I had to come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be close with my sister again."
– ironwheatiez
"You teach people how to treat you"
– expert_dogpetter
Be Good To Yourself
"Being kind to yourself is so hard because we’re (older gen maybe a bit more I guess?) taught implicitly for years NOT to do it. It is something new that you are starting against something much worse long established Like every new skill it will take time to develop and that is totally ok"
"Related: Don’t punish yourself for a lapse in “discipline” when trying something new. Take a break (Whether it’s minutes or days or longer) and try again. It’s not a setback, it’s a readjustment to helping build a stronger habit to give the version of you that you want to be a chance. 10 push-ups today might not seem like much but if yesterday was zero, then 10 is a lot."
– ValBravora048
Listen To Your Heart
"It's made me realise just how little I listen to my emotions normally - and that emotions are amoral and can't be rationalized away, they just exist."
"When my therapist asks me how I'm feeling about something, so often I don't know - or I do know the answer, but it feels ugly/mean, so I don't want to admit it, even to myself. Once you clock how often that's happening, you realize why bottling so much stuff up is leading to your general unhappiness/stress."
"Still working on this, but it's surprised me to have that big of a revelation when I thought of myself as being very emotionally mature. (Turns out I can manage everyone else's but not my own)"
– Lordaxxington
Not All My Fault
"That it really IS my brain chemistry and not just a Me Problem."
"Due to circumstances, I had to complete a 10 week program in order to qualify for getting assessed for medications. My first therapist quit after my 9th session, and since she was the only one offering the program at that clinic, I had to start again with another from week 1"
"Both told me that I'm doing everything right, that I know and use all the coping mechanisms, that they can't REALLY help me from thier position and both reccomended I get medicated (tbf I have my own reservations about exactly how much work can really be done in 10 sessions against a life time of Being Like This but that's a whole other issue)"
"But the difference is honestly night and day."
"I can't explain to you the f*cking PEACE I feel now. Not having a melt down due to taking a little bit too long putting change in my purse at the grocery store, not having months of fog with no memory of events, being able to just exist in my body and environment without feeling like I've called doom upon myself for the crime of existing in a space."
"I still have work to do on myself, but oh my God it's so much easier."
– Aware_Bet
But Faaamily!
"You don't HAVE TO like your parents. It's not some sort of requirement."
– 10throwaway123456789
"Jumping off your comment: that your parents are just people you share the planet with and you may not like who your parents are as people and that's okay."
– EmbarrassedBoat9587
"I remember my big breakthrough moment with my therapist was."
""You know both your parents are terrible people right?""
""Well, they have both done bad things, sure.""
""Count the number of good things they have done for you and then the bad things to you""
""...""
""Yeah. You owe them nothing.""
– coniferous-1
You Feel What You Feel
"The more you run from your own feelings, the stronger they get. It’s only through acknowledging and facing your feelings that you’ll be able to work through them. Also, labeling feelings as “good” or “bad” is counterproductive. Your feelings are valid. How you process and express those feelings is what’s important."
– scaryboilednoodles
Best Advice
"Don't accept criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice"
"No one can walk all over you if you don't lay down on the floor for them"
– slynnmart
I wish someone had told me that when I was younger!
I believe good parents are miracle workers.
And I know for a FACT that it is not a job I am capable of doing.
But, based on simple moments I've witnessed, I do believe there are some people I can do better than... if I had to.
Not everyone is born to be a parent.
And the crux of life is that, as a parent, there is no way to save your child from not being a mess somehow.
Case in point...
A recently deleted Redditor wanted to compare notes on parents, so they asked:
"What screams 'I’m a terrible parent?'"
I can't tell anyone how to be a parent.
But I have a few ideas on how to make a few tweaks.
"I'm SUPER fascinated in finding out how this generation of kids who are growing up with cameras in their faces turn out. Seeing as generations tend to do the opposite of how their parents raised them, it’d be funny if the babies born now, completely revolt against all things social media 😅."
WildflowerChickpea
Just Say It!
"Not saying sorry to your kid when you are in the wrong or made a mistake."
SuvenPan
"I used to struggle with this. I became so used to excusing my existence that I became habitually defensive. Admitting that I’m wrong is still a conscious effort for me."
"For my children, I try to model being magnanimous when getting something wrong; if they correct me and they’re obviously right, whether it be with discipline or information, I try to go out of my way to say I was wrong and thank them for telling me. I think I’m doing better? Hard to tell."
darklightner11
Crap Talk
"Talking crap about your ex in front of your kid."
Material_Ambition_95
"There was this woman who would rant about her ex-husband in front of her kids all. the. time. and their faces would look so sad and hurt. You may hate that man but your kids have part of his DNA and they take everything you say to heart. It's a poisonous and manipulative thing to do."
Antidote_to_Chaos
"Adding to that, telling your kid about the 2 fraudulent lawsuits you’re creating against their other parent. And telling them how you’re going to hire a private investigator against the other parent. All while ignoring the child when they tell you 'Don’t talk to me about -other parent- you’re making me uncomfortable.'"
Fluffy-kitten28
That's Funny?
"Filming your child trying to mock them only because 'it's funny' when it's clearly uncomfortable for them, and then post the video on the internet."
arrastre
"I was an assistant manager at Spirit Halloween a couple of years ago and there was a couple there who filmed their clearly terrified young child screaming and crying at the animatronics, and they laughed. It hurt my heart."
carlykerfuffle
"Those videos of kids happily sitting down to blow out birthday candles, and then a pr*ck slams their face in the cake. WTF."
jpr_jpr
Bye Bye Bye
Sport Soccer GIF by Real MadridGiphy"If their kids are older, and want nothing to do with them."
spicy-bae
"Mom screams at me to move out and never talk to her again if she is such a bad mother. I move out and never talk to her again. Surprised Pikachu face."
No_Scale7584
No communication between adult kids and parents, speaks volumes.
Listen Again
No Way Wtf GIF by HarlemGiphy"Defending every action/behavior of your kid without hearing the other party's side. It's obviously natural and important to listen to your child, but you should not be disregarding the fact that your kid can make mistakes and is not perfect."
LeonLunaLola
"Or, for that matter, believing every story you hear about your child, no matter how outlandish it may be."
notthesedays
It's YOU
"When you use your kids as emotional support figures or use them to cover your own irresponsibility. You had a 20-year head-start on your kid, yet they're already more responsible and mature."
Osteo-Malaka-cia
"I just got the image of my dad in my head while reading this. No wonder why I don't pick up that f**ker's phone call. It's unbelievable how someone over 50 y/o can have the financial responsibility of an 8-year-old in a candy shop."
Zahard_Zj
Rude
"Trying to gossip with one of your children about the other one."
LennaPine
"My mother did this with all of her children - me, my sister, and our two older half-brothers from my mom's prior marriages. Before I cut contact with her, she'd call me and would bash my sister for 15-20 minutes."
"Or she'd talk sh*t about one of my older brothers and their wives/children. My sister would mention to me how our mom talked sh*t about me while on a call, etc."
"It's because of that; none of us siblings really communicate with or trust each other. We either fully cut contact with our mom or severely minimized contact."
shaoting
Are You Serious?
"An idiotic name (circa AITA Krxtxl) or anything similar. Any parent I’ve ever seen who does this crap treats their kid like an accessory. iPad/phone parents. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against screen time but there has to be some boundary) I had a child in my last preschool class who literally ONLY spoke in YouTube quotes or video intro styles."
"I had to have him at age 4 permanently removed from my class for hockey fighting a kid and screaming 'It’s a prank f***er.' So yeah... there’s been a lot of varying degrees of screen obsession but that was one of the worst. That and the kid who hit my co-teacher in the face with a poop-filled hand for putting the iPads away for lunchtime."
Sea-Butterscotch383
No Excuses
No Way Smh GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"Parents not punishing their kids. All kids are different and some things might not work but if your child is actively disrespecting a teacher or physically hurting another person and your first thing is to make an excuse."
nope123ee
Parenting ain't easy.
No one said it was gonna be.
And sounds like some of us may need to rethink doing it.
I love unconventional movies and storytellers.
I live for the times when artists and creatives take big chances.
Sometimes those chances pay off and other times... it's a travesty of life.
Yes, I'm dramatic, and so is movie-making!
The WTF aspect.
That is usually born out of big chances.
Whether that moment leaves people thrilled, shocked, or disgusted... that's in the subjectiveness of it all.
It's always a gamble to create.
Redditor MightGuy420x wanted to share thoughts about some of the movies that left our brains and souls puzzled, so they asked:
"What movie had you saying 'What the f**k' the most while watching?"
Movies leave me aghast more often than not.
And endings are never easy.
Last Lines
"Swiss Army Man."
JawlessRegent64
"Isn't 'What the f**k?' also the last spoken line in the film?"
frygod
daniel radcliffe GIF by A24Giphy"Yeah lol, literally. It made me laugh so hard because I'd been saying that for the entire two hours I was sitting on my couch watching it. Never saw that coming from Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe is a strange man lol."
JawlessRegent64
A Midnight Opening
"The most audible 'What the f**k?' I have ever heard from an entire movie theater audience was actually from Pixar."
"It was their short film Bao, I think before Incredibles 2. A woman makes a little baby out of dumpling ingredients, there is a cute montage of them together, and then she eats it without warning."
"It was a midnight opening so the audience was all adults, and yeah nobody saw that coming."
AllBadAnswers
Weird but Funny
"Sorry to Bother You."
MCPanda6969
"I saw this in theaters having absolutely no idea where it was heading (like everyone I think). I must’ve walked out to pee at exactly the wrong time, when I came back I had to double-check it was still the right theater."
drownednotgod
"I freaking love this movie and you're exactly right. There was a point I went from like 'This is a weird one, but it's funny' to 'What in the actual f**k is happening?'"
"What's even better is if you go back and watch, they led you right up until that point. They're always hinting at it, but the protagonist makes everything about him and I think that's why it just hits you out of nowhere."
JackJackensworth
Gross
"Splice."
AnotherBadPlayer
"I feel bad for introducing this movie incorrectly to some friends. I really thought it was going to be some kind of science-fiction drama. And then Adrian Brody mated with it."
ddh85
"Well, that's easy the thing he was f**king was a human-animal hybrid that he raised from birth like a daughter and was made from his girlfriend's DNA the hybrid later changes from female to male and attacks the before-mentioned girlfriend which I guess is technically its own mother."
o_MrBombastic_o
30% Out!!
"Mother!"
GreatTragedy
"We had to refund AT LEAST 30% of the admissions for this movie every day when I worked in a theater. People were leaving the cinema pissed off because of this movie."
RepresentativeName18
jennifer lawrence mother movie GIF by mother!GiphyThat movie makes no sense at all.
Someone explain it to me!
No Light
"Human centipede."
Odd_Adhesiveness4804
"When Roger Ebert reviewed this movie, he gave it zero stars, saying such a movie could exist only in a universe with no light in it whatsoever, and hence there could be no stars in his review of it."
PhuckingDuped
Over It Rose GIF by HULUGiphyJan's Story
"Abducted in Plain Sight."
sodangshedonger
"My mom actually went to school with Jan and her mom was friends with my grandma. I’ve tried to get my mom to watch the show but she has refused because 'I have already had more than enough Jan Broberg in my life.'"
"From what my mom said, I’d take everything the family claims happened (especially Jan’s story about what happened while she was kidnapped) with a grain of salt because Jan was apparently super melodramatic even before the abduction."
"That said, I found the show to be less shocking than most people because their naïveté is incredibly unsurprising for a Mormon family in a small town in the 70s."
ToBeReadOutLoud
Unconvential
"The Lobster."
awakami
"Seriously had no idea what I was getting into. A couple and a dude bailed out of the theater when I saw it."
2ndRook
"The Lobster made me realize I had an unconventional taste for films. It’s my favorite film of all time next to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I tried to make my friends watch it, and they all would bail out mid-film."
areyousureyourealive
"This. What utter f**king bats*it crazy horseshit this movie was."
Tackit286
Hey John...
"'Being John Malkovich' is just one weird thing happening after the other, giving you very little time to process it."
LoopyPro
"I got to see an advanced screening of Being John Malkovich. I knew absolutely nothing about it going in. It was the first time I was ever left so completely speechless by a movie in such a good way."
"I was already in love with the movie before the portal was even introduced. It could have just been a really weird series of set pieces revolving around those bizarre characters interacting in that weird half-floor and puppetry recitals and I would have been happy. Then it gets all metaphysical and kooky... And it did it all so perfectly."
lingh0e
Unreal
"Cats. I was just constantly saying 'What the f**k?' under my breath as I watched it in theaters. I honestly don't remember much of it. It was so incoherent in tone and execution, and weird that it just feels like a fever dream in my memory."
daddydonetomuch
Taylor Swift Dancing GIF by Cats MovieGiphySo many movie WTFs for me are about... "How did THIS find funding?!"
Thank God for vodka.