Man Seeks Help To Politely Get His GF To Stop Wearing All His Clothes Without Hampering Relationship
A man on Reddit was seeking advice about how to delicately talk to his girlfriend about an issue he's having:
How do I (25M) politely get my longterm SO (24F) to stop wearing my clothes. Yes, I’m serious.Original post:
TL;DR: gf wears all my clothes incessantly and it's causing me problems when I have no clean clothes to wear myself. How do I nicely fix this problem?
So my girlfriend wears my clothes. No big deal, right? It's normal for a girlfriend to wear your hoodie or sleep in your T-shirt. Usually I'd agree, but this has actually become a problem for me.
My girlfriend changes 3x a day on her days off. Once in the morning after her shower, once when she comes home from her errands, and again when she goes to bed into pajamas. Also pretty normal. Here's where it starts to cause a problem for me though
Outfit 1: my T-shirt, her jeans.
Outfit 2. Another new T-shirt of mine, my lounge pants
Outfit 3: a third new T-shirt of mine, and a second pair of my lounge pants.
She goes through my clothes 3x faster than I do. It's started to cause issues when I need clothing to wear but everything I own is dirty.
In addition, all my clothes that were somewhat tight fitting she enjoys the most. Doesn't sound too bad, but if your clothing is somewhat tight, every time you wash it, it shrinks back a little from the stretch your body caused by wearing it. My nice, form fitting undershirts have now only been worn by her, resulting in no stretch and only shrinkage, as she's a small girl, and no longer fit me at all. She's also throws them all over the floor, which is just a pet peeve of mine. I don't like my nice clothes on the floor with pet hair.
I've bought extra clothes to the point where they don't all fit in my drawer if every piece of clothing is clean and folded. She now thinks I have a slight clothes hoarding problem, exacerbated by the fact that she's basically stopped buying clothes and is down to a fraction of the amount she used to have, which is now small in comparison to my collection. Because she doesn't ever use them.
Things I've tried: Asking her to wash clothes more - she gets mad at me for asking this because "barely any of the dirty clothes are even hers!" And, admittedly, she does do most of the cleaning around our house, because I have a very busy work/school schedule. It does not connect in her mind that even though they're mine, she used them. I've tried pointing this out after a few days of laundry building up, but she just downright refuses to believe that she actually truly uses them that much. If I try telling her the moment she puts them on, she thinks I'm being petty.
Asking her not to wear my clothes - I stumbled over this one like the clumsy male that I am. Probably worded it way wrong. She took it as I'm not ok with her wearing my clothes at all. I think it's pretty cute when she wears my big sweat shirts. It doesn't bother me. She got super upset and we got into a fight that ended in her saying "fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again." Which of course doesn't last because we made up, and both said things we didn't mean.
Asking her not to change into new clothes of mine so much - total no go for her. She's a clean freak and to the point where if she puts on a shirt and after 5 minutes decides she doesn't want to wear it, that shirt has to go in the dirty laundry. Not the drawer. The idea of changing less, or even worse, resusing a pair of pants or T-shirt she wore that day, disgusts her. I can understand this I guess.
What do I do?
Advice Started Pouring In About The Issue...
Can you give her some of your clothes and say these are mine but okay for you to wear- but I'd appreciate if you didn't wear my other things? Like a pile of clothes that is green lit for her to wear?
If she gets upset just keep calm and rationally talk to her. If you decided to wear her clothes all the time and got things dirty she wanted to wear- would she be upset? You don't want to ban all of it because she likes to wear your stuff and it's cute to see her in an old tshirt of yours- but some things you want that are just yours and off limits.
Set Those Boundaries
fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again.
That seems to be the best solution. There is no way you can allow her to use judgement in when it is too much. You have tried and she goes way beyond the "cute" stage of wearing your T-shirt to bed. She wears multiple items several times a day. Plus she is sloppy by throwing them on the floor. So, the best way to handle it is -- you wear your own clothes and I will wear mine.
I think she has a possessive nature and wearing your clothes is her way of say, "you are mine."
"Just Tell Her"
Your SO getting upset when you literally do not have a shirt for your back in my opinion is a little bit strange. Being long term you guys should be able to talk about this small issue without anybody getting argumentative and the fact she's a clean freak shouldn't really be an excuse to why she can't wear her own clothes?
If my partner said to me "Babe, you're literally wearing everything I own to the point I have nothing to wear. Is it alright to tone it down a bit or use a few of your own clothes for lounging as I need those shirts for work?" I would of course do so.
My boyfriend has come home with new clothes and has explicitly said "please don't wear these as they're for work". It isn't an insult it's just common sense. You need clothes and she needs to not be so dramatic with throwing something in the wash after having it on for 5 minutes. Just tell her.
Maybe It's Indicative Of Something Bigger...
You shouldn't have to go buy her clothing or figure out a super gentle way to tell her. Adults should be able to handle, "Please stop wearing my clothes, I want them to be clean and inn good condition when I need them." If she can't respect a basic and simple boundary then there are real problems.
If you want, give her a couple things to wear. Don't feel that you need to.
Do Unto Others
Tell her to stop wearing your clothes. If she keeps going wear her favorite t shirt with her most expensive yoga pants whether it fits or not. I think that should stop her. She's being more than unreasonable by not responding to all your reasonable requests to either stop wearing your clothes or at least wash them if she wears them. I say this a girl with a boyfriend who I regularly borrow clothes from. However I also ask before borrowing things no matter how many times I have borrowed that clothing item before.
Could Be Indicative Of A Deeper Problem
A little late to this but I'll still throw my 2 cents in. If she's depressed or showing signs of depression this might be why she's shrugging off your concerns. She is using the control aspect of your clothing and your guys relationship to feel like she isn't losing control of everything. Unfortunately you still can't make excuses for this behavior, she is an adult and if you suffer in silence then down the road you'll regret it. You guys will fall into an unhealthy pattern of her arguing with you then shutting down and you forgiving her and staying quiet. This is detrimental to her growth and the relationship. I myself dealt with hard things in my life and I had to grow up for my sake and my husbands. If you truly care about her sit her down and set boundries, when she argues end the conversation until you're both calm then pick it up again. Continue to cover the same points until she understands because honestly this isn't about your clothes or your relationship. If she has a lot going on in her life and is feeling down then this is about her not letting go of all control. You care about her and that's obvious but sometimes caring means tough love.
Maybe Ask Where The Real Problem Is
I think it's a bigger problem here that you can't ask her to stop doing something simple without it turning into a big fight.
Perhaps Everyone Needs To Be Fine With Everything
You guys are essentially sharing a closet. It's not a problem for her to be wearing your clothes, but they're YOUR clothes, not hers. She needs to either be fine with reusing your clothes for multiple wears or ask if she can reduce the amount she wears (for example, only using them for lounging or pjs).
She also needs to be wearing her own clothes. Does she like your clothes because of your style? She can buy the exact same ones of her own. Because your clothes are soft? She can buy soft clothes. Because your clothes smell like you? Buy her some of your cologne and she can spray it on her clothes.
Also, make sure she knows it's not something you're angry about, so she doesn't feel like you're attacking her, and whatever you suggest is to make you happier.
Hide Them Like Treasure
Lock your closet door. Maybe she'll start to use her own clothes. Or hide your good/new clothes somewhere else, so she has access to the clothes you don't want (or the ones undershirts she had destroyed already). This way she won't have the feeling that she isn't allowed to use them, but she won't touch the good stuff anymore.
Meet Her Halfway
two things spring to mind: firstly, if you're bothered by the amount of dirty laundry piling up then why don't you do it? someone else suggested a laundry schedule, i think that could be a good idea. sharing chores is only fair in a couple.
secondly, my other thought was that maybe next time you both need new clothes you could go shopping together and buy some gender neutral stuff that you can both wear. that way you have clothes that are designated as 'sharing clothes' and she may focus on those more. i think where you might be going wrong is not setting a clear enough boundary by saying 'please don't wear my clothes, unless you're doing it in a cute way eg. big sweater'. i'm not saying you have to go all or nothing, but you need to clearly define what she is or isn't allowed to wear.
Stand Your Ground
Just stick with her not wearing your clothes. Seriously. If it's an issue, nip it in the bud like you have and move on.
The, "Fine! I be won't ever wear anything of yours ever again," is a manipulative hyperbole designed to inspire feelings of guilt. You need to ignore it or she's going to be wearing ALL of your clothes again.
For some people it's give an inch, take a mile. Sounds like your girlfriend is like this. Don't budge.
Ask: Why Does She Truly Like Wearing Them?
She might not feel well in her own skin and is trying to camouflage it with your clothes, because she associates them with love and trust.
I'm not saying that you should let her have all you clothes, though.
Some weeks ago I realized that I was depressed and needed to show love for myself. So I went to Primark and got myself fluffy pyamas, socks, leggings, jumpers, bedthrows, and so on. I'm jeans-less since 3 weeks, I only wear the comfiest, fluffiest, warmest cloths available. No boyfriend, so nobody to steal relaxing clothes from.
What I want to say is: Yes, there is problem, yes, there's a reason for it, yes, you guys have to talk about it and find solutions.
Set Some Aside
If I were you, I would just pick a few outfits for the week and ask her to not wear those. After some time, this should work itself out. This is her way of coping with stress. Some people suffer from anxiety when they don't see their SO as often as they like. Wearing their SOs clothes can help them.
Try buying some clothes and seeing if she likes the fit on her. A little humor could help this issue. To me, this is someone that you have no intention of leaving anytime soon. You want to work through your issues together. Give her permission to wear your clothes. Just create some boundaries for your own sake.
Visual Evidence Is A Big Assist
I think it might help bring the point home if you had two laundry baskets for your clothes. One basket for your clothes that you've worn, and one basket for your clothes that she's worn.
That will either help understand that the issue isn't as big as you think it is, or, more likely, it will help her see that she's using far more of your clothes than you are.
...Seriously. Get. That. Laundry. Basket.
If she doesn't realize how much she's wearing your clothes (all the dirty laundry is your clothes), how about having two laundry hampers or two separate piles? So she can actually see how much she contributes despite only seeing your items. I wear clothes for several days so I generally remember what I borrowed but if she's going through so many she probably just doesn't notice.
What's Your Real Excuse?
I'm not trying to attack you, but this really sounds like a case of "but she's hot!"
Go back and read through your responses, look at all the excuses you've given. Basically everything that's been suggested, you've already tried. And it hasn't worked.
This may be "just" clothes and ridiculous in the grand scale of things, but it's gotten to a point where it causes you A LOT of inconvenience in your daily life, more than it reasonably should. And your girlfriend just doesn't care, to be frank. Consider that.
When All Else Fails, Maybe Use Math
She's a clean freak but throws your clothes (not hers) on the floor? No, she just treats your items like crap.
If she keeps insisting that she didn't wear your clothes that much, ask her what outfits she wore that day and the day before and then extrapolate that number into items per week.
Just tell her that your clothes are off limits, period. And BTW, I'm female and consider her behavior out of line.
Be Up Front And Use The Facts
"Hey, I don't really have much by way of clothes, and while I find you super cute in my stuff, we need to figure out a way for me to have clean clothes to wear, and for you to be able to steal a shirt or two when you want to. Thoughts?"
Tell her the problem, ask her to be part of the solution?
u/RAThrowawa8859 Added Later On...
To answer some common questions: Does she treat her stuff better than mine/questions about how she can be a neat freak and throw my clothes around? No. She's usually respectful of belongings. Clothing is just something immune to her ocd. She leaves her clothes in the laundry basket until she needs them. Hell, sometimes she'll fold my clothes and not her own.
What's her maturity level like? Yeah I know this seems pretty immature. It is. But for context, She had a rough upbringing and it resulted in her having to mature in some ways much younger than the average girl, but has left her maturity....stunted...in other areas. We're working through it. She still deserves love.
Does she hyperbolize other arguments to get her way? Yes. We have talks about that. It's a problem we're actively addressing. I have slight anger issues and she works through my irritability at small things. We try to deal with each other's problems, not run from them.
Why don't you just stand up to her? Be blunt and let her be mad? This just isn't an approach that's constructive in our relationship. That kind of approach just causes her to shut down, and me to get angry over every little thing I can possibly think of.Why the hell does she not do laundry, she's 24? She does! She's not as proactive as i am about. She's more of a "wait til i NEED to do it," whereas i like to do it as soon as i have a load. We both do laundry, and a bunch of other chores! But recently she got a new job and she's also dealing with a complex family issue that's causing depression. With school on top she's struggling to keep up with what she used to do. I also do chores! I've picked up a lot more since her life has changed. Our dynamic with assigning chores has always been pretty good. It's only when I ask her to do it more often that she becomes offended
Stick It Through
Well done for sticking through despite seeing her problems, you never saw her as a lost cause which is awesome. I see some traits in her that my partner has (he has aspergers). He will leave clothes all over the bedroom floor (I've found socks in the weirdest places). But heaven forbid there's a mark on the kitchen bench top or stove he's gotta scrub it, if you try to put a filled glass on a table he's gotta quickly grab a coaster for you. Fortunately our communication is much better so we don't have such issues.
A few suggestions have been good but I think a combination would work.
Segregate your clothes (maybe even get a suitcase or something to do so) and emphasise what she can and can't wear (I wouldn't allow pants at all) and say that if she touches the ones you said she couldn't not only will you be mad and upset, you'll also not have any clothes to wear (you're allowed to get mad sometimes, don't be afraid to be) I'd also offer to take her shopping to add to her clothing collection, even if it's the sort of clothes you'd wear. I'd also suggest seeing a relationship specialist to help with your communication problems together. And see if you can convince her to get tested for mental disorders like Aspergers or personality disorder, if she is then there's a crap ton of information out there about techniques for communication and routines etc. Make sure you shower with love when you do, and reassure that no matter what you love her.
Good luck with everything.
What would you say to someone like this? Share your advice!
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation, when someone brings up a topic they aren't too familiar with, but you are?
This gives you the opportunity to sweep in and share your knowledge on the subject.
While one would imagine that your relative expertise on the subject might result in thanks and appreciation, more often than not, the reaction from your friends is "why do you know that?"
Awkward as it may feel at the moment, there are very few people who don't carry some unusual areas of expertise and trivia on subjects most others are most likely unfamiliar with.
Redditor quadruple_b was curious to learn the random facts others have shared which wound up bringing their conversations to a halt, leading them to ask:
What is a really weird fact, that makes people say "why do you know that?"
Octopuses... they're just like us
"Octopuses are usually very antisocial but when they’re under the influence of ecstasy they are more willing to spend time around each other or even hug other octopuses."- Stab_That_Ukulele
The body compensates
"When you are starving, and have little body fat left, your body can grow almost fur-like hair to insulate itself in absence of fat."- A_Stupid_Fish29
"Your body’s normal functions can slow down to accommodate organ disease."
"For example, I have 40% lung function, but my O2 is completely normal at 98% saturation."
"They didn’t discover any lung disease until I had a ct scan done for other reasons and my lungs happened to show up in that."- nocturnal_numbness
What this would do for humanity!
"Cheetahs are so genetically similar that supposedly you can draw blood from one and inject it straight into another one without any health issues in the receiving animal."
"I.E. no blood type or clotting factor variations."- 0ttrbig cats cat GIF by BBC EarthGiphy
So strange, that it makes perfect sense?
"Coca-Cola can help with blood stains."- Buzzed_Woody
Good thing they don't need a toilet...
"Guinea pigs average pooping around 100 times a day."- morgandanso
"In Phoenix, Arizona, you are legally allowed to bury a dead body on your property without asking for permission/getting a permit/etc."
"The city asks that you contact them beforehand so they can send someone out to stake for gas/electric lines, but it’s not required."- hedalexa12digging sarah chalke GIFGiphy
"If provided with a mirror, dolphins will admire their own genitals."- Cymiril
The brain is a delicate creature
"There is a chemical called MPTP that specifically destroys dopaminergic neurons in the brain."
"About 3 days after someone ingests it, they get Parkinson's disease."- SheilaBoof
Gruesome with good intentions?
"In the 1960s or 70s, the Swiss Air Force dropped severed chicken heads all over the forests of Switzerland."
"The chicken heads contained the rabies vaccine, and the airdrop was to vaccinate wild foxes against rabies."- EnormousPurpleGardenfennec fox GIFGiphy
One never knows when learning this newfound information might become useful.
Especially for parents of children eager to buy a Guinea Pig...
As relationships get serious, it's understandable that one will want to know as much as possible about their significant others.
That is, until we make a discovery about them which might forever change how we view our relationship.
Sometimes, it might be a discovery that might just take some getting used to, even if we'd have been better off not knowing.
Other times, however, this newfound information makes remaining in this relationship untenable.
Redditor Mr_MightyMouse was curious to hear what people wished they'd never learned about their past and present relationships, leading them to ask:
"What is the one thing you found out about your S/O you wish you never did?"
He was anything but faithful
"He cheated on me."
"When I had cancer."- stolliolli
Her one true love... wasn't me
"She drunkenly admitted to her friends that her ex-boyfriend was the one and she’ll never get over him."
"Still not sure how to handle that information."- FreeFoot_
Complicit without knowing it.
"She was an opiate addict."
"I was funding her addiction unknowingly."
"I was helping her destroy herself and I was too stupid to realize that."- Local64bithero
Moving way too fast
"Not that it was that traumatic as we were only dating a few weeks, but she started real deal crying when I wouldn't put her on my life insurance."- Toasted_Bagels_R_Gud
Someone needs to sharpen their aim...
"I hang up a towel to dry my hands in the bathroom."
"Sometimes I would find it on the floor and think hmmm the towel fell off the rack."
"TEN YEARS GO BY."
"One day my husband casually says 'you are always so quick to do laundry, like if I accidentally pee on the floor and clean it up with the towel it is gone so quick'."
"I'm like what.... what?"
"So yea, I've been drying my hands with pee towels for 10 years."
"FML."- kperkins1982·max greenfield towel GIFGiphy
A club no one wants to belong to
"I was dating my ex for two years and she drunkenly confessed that she had cheated on every bf she had ever had."
"We broke up not long after."
"Then found out she was also cheating on me with multiple people from the office."
"I’m now happily married!"
"She also hid her then current bf from me when we first hooked up, he was asleep in another bedroom and we was in a different bed."
"She told him I missed the train home and needed a place to get my head down."- JancingSalmon
A stronger connection than they knew.
"He once dated a girl that he was getting fairly serious about until he showed up to a family event and she was there."- rowenaravenclaw0
What was he up to?
"He had a notebook of every detail of my life, including menstrual cycle, and also kept all the details of my friends and family members."
"Even ones I had never mentioned."
"And we were only together for two months."- totalfranmove
The news no one wants to hear
"That she had Cancer, which ultimately took her."
"That is literally the only thing I found out about my late wife that I ever regretted."- d20gamerguy
A happy anniversary indeed.
"This is NSFW."
"She gave me her phone to look for an address and make a restaurant reservation for our 7 year anniversary."
"I don't know why she gave me her phone, but I guess it was just destiny."
"Someone sent her a video on Whatsapp, and the next message says 'tomorrow again?'"
"From the same person."
"Now I am not one of those people who checks my partner's phone, I don't like that."
"But I was curious and clicked on it. It was a full 2 minute video of her hooking up with someone"
"Needless to say there was no anniversary dinner."- kmiaw
Even though everyone here says they wish they'd never learned these things, one has to imagine some of these people are, deep down, grateful.
As they may have been saved from trouble or pain down the line.
Even if it doesn't make these discoveries any easier.
It's ok to be naughty.
But sometimes... you wanna watch yourself.
Naughty can lead to trouble.
And we're talking adult naughty.
Maybe it's time we discussed it all.
Rule #1... Better safe than sorry.
Redditor Black_Hole_Baken-00wanted hear from all the people willing to share sexy secrets that might leave plenty of people blushing. They asked:
"What’s your most shameful NSFW moment?"
Elevators. Stairwells. Planes. You name it. I've shamed it. No Deets...
don't worry I wasn't naked...
"I was watching adult videos in the middle of the night. After I did my deed I felt a slight pain in my balls, like someone flicked their finger on them. The pain increased to the point that I had to walk it out. After some minutes I began screaming from the pain when my parents came to my room (don't worry I wasn't naked) seeing me in pain on the floor."
"At that moment I thought I did something wrong but was to ashamed to tell them.My dad rushed me to the emergency room where I was rushed in and my pants were removed. Laying there they gave me a nose spray which halted some of the pain. The doctor then started fondling my family jewels while the nurse stood next to me reminding me to breath because the nose spray stopped the automatic breathing if that makes sense."
"All the time my dad is standing there looking and the only thing I could thing at that moment was oh no do they think my unit is small. After that the doctors brought me to another room while my dad was in another room. While going trough the halls I told the doctor I probably know the cause and explained that I was pleasuring myself"
"I don't remember the doctors response but I felt truly ashamed like I was the only person doing such a thing. Later the doctor told me I had testicular Torsion which is caused by the balls not being attached to the sack so I'm living in fear of it happening again to this day."
"WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING??"
"In the 90's/early 2000's we bought a pub and moved into it. It had a big screen downstairs and we lived above, but Sky Sports was so expensive for the business account we basically hooked the giant screen to our box upstairs so whenever the sport was on it would show on the screen downstairs."
"So we couldn't watch TV upstairs except what was being shown on the big screen when this was happening. Anyway one Sunday evening around 10pm after the sport (bearing in mind the sport finished at 6pm) I was freely browsing through channels because the giant screen has been wound up into the ceiling and my 14 year old self came across some softcore adult videos"
"Curious, I started watching it. Suddenly there was a big buzz from the phone that connected to downstairs, I answer it. It's my mum with laughing in the background. "WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING??" I was like "errr.. I was just flicking through channels.." "Well you've stayed on that one for a while haven't you?"
"I forgot about the small TV in the bar area. It was still on and was showing the entire pub what my horny self was watching. I was mortified. Luckily my mum never brought it up again and neither did any of the customers thankfully."
I Gotta Go
"When i was 12 my younger sister walked in on me playing fondle the dongle. I told her I couldn't pee and was trying to force/pump it out. She told my mom out of worry. Said I needed a doctor to help me pee. When Mom confronted me about what my sister was saying i then had to explain it to her."
"My mom walked in on me. The look on her face went from incomprehension to shock to utter disgust over the span of a second or two. She stayed calm and explained how it wasn't appropriate, but I just remember how unsmiling and tense she was, totally unlike I'd ever seen her. Decades ago but still cringe so much recalling it."
Oh. My. God. Y'all are animals. And I'm LIIIIVVVING for it!
“underwear”surprise disrobing GIFGiphy
"My dad caught me editing the game files of The Sims to replace the female underwear textures with 'underwear' that just makes them look nude. Looked up reference material and edited them in photoshop. That a lot of effort to put into something so depraved."
"When i was about 10, my parents were out so I looked up some adult videos on the family computer (mistake number 1), then I kept hearing noises and thought someone was in the house so i ran to my room and called my dad, leaving to computer on (mistake number 2)."
"My dad rushed home and went around the house looking for an intruder, no one was there, it was just my next door neighbors (we have a semi-detached house) then obviously saw what i was looking at on the computer and asked me about it… i told him the intruder must of broken in and searched it up :( "
"In middle school, my friend got her boobs and she wanted me to touch them. We probably spent 30 minutes everyday before school until the librarian caught us and we were suspended."
I wonder if she knew...
"My HS gf and I were having sex in the sideways laying down cuddling position. Mom walked in to show me a new Christmas decoration. To her it looked like we were just cuddling but she sat on the bed inches away from me and proceeded to talk about the decoration for like 10 minutes. I wonder if she knew. They never cared much about that stuff so I think she was just oblivious."
"I was violently ill. In my fiancé’s house where we were living. While he was at work, his dad was working from home. I needed my mom to take me to the hospital. I screamed for my father in laws help, who entered the bathroom to my nude body, puking at t in his bathtub. He called my mom for me, and we never spoke about it."
Well I need a cold shower and more vodka.
Don't have sex with people attached to someone already.
There is no good excuse.
There is no reason that makes it worth it.
Most of the time the "reasons" are lies.
RedditorVirtual_Welder_4525wanted to hear from those willing to spill a little tea about some bedmates. They asked:
"People who knowingly have slept with someone who was in a relationship, why did you do it?"
Why do we do it? I still don't know what I was thinking.
Hot. Not.Feeling Dumb Jim Carrey GIFGiphy
"I was young and it made me feel hot/desired . It was dumb."
"She told me that she was in an open relationship but turned out that she was lying."
"Yeah, I had the same thing happen. Girl told me she was in an open relationship, I slept with her, then she told her boyfriend about it. So the next day I get a call from her boyfriend, threatening to kick my @ss."
"Story does have a happy ending though. I had text history of our conversation leading up to the hookup, as well as her texting me about how good it was after I had left. I sent him screenshots, showing proof of her saying she was in an open relationship. He dumped her and apologized for believing her."
Come to your senses...
"I was freshly 18 working a restaurant gig and the attractive shift manger took an interest. Hooked up at work a few times on overnight shifts. One day his gf came in to eat and I realized they weren’t as on and off as he said. Wish I could stay I stopped there, but it happened once or twice more before both of us came to our senses. I think he was 27? Ended up getting my number and sending me inappropriate texts for the next three months after I quit that job. I still feel slimy."
"I was 23 when it started and it went on for years and I felt like literal scum afterward every single time, but the sex was good, and I hated myself, so I figured it was the best I could do and I deserved to feel like crap. I justified it because I wasn't the only one he was cheating on his wife with, he had two or three other girls in rotation. I was just dumb and selfish and self sabotaging."
GrossBasketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1Giphy
"'You were gone! He was here!'", Shadynasty."
Humans will just do it anywhere. Just like pigs.
"I was young and a virgin. She was gorgeous and sweet. She spun me a story about how bad her relationship was and I was hooked."
"I was 20/21 and had finally gotten out of an abusive household and was barely financially stable and not at all mentally stable. He was A LOT older than I was (his son was older than I was by a couple of years) but he did generally treat me pretty well."
"It went on for 4+ years. We were far from an ideal couple, even had he not been married, but overall it was a positive thing in my life at a time when I really needed it, and it became a safety net. It ended years ago and I feel deeply ashamed of it and my actions."
"But I've grown enough to know that I'm not that same person anymore and I'd never repeat it. I did learn that a poly relationship definitely suits me better than a monogamous relationship - but it can and should be done ethically and morally."
Her wife found out...
"I was in love but also young and selfish and could easily ignore that she was married/she was AGGRESSIVE in pursuing me for years (flying across states to see me, tracking me down at restaurants I would frequent, telling me she loved me and her marriage was in shambles, texting me from new numbers every time I told her to leave me alone). We started the stereotypical long-distance emotional affair that went into sexting/sexy pics. Her wife found out."
"I was young and drunk, with low self esteem and a crippling need for validation. She came onto me and I found it hard to say no. I justified it to myself as I knew their relationship was on the rocks anyway. I figured, well it's basically over. They just aren't formally broken up. They did split up a few months later. I'm not excusing it, I knew it was wrong."
"Didn't know any better. Horny stupid teens do stupid horny things. Wouldn't happen nowadays."
Oh the things we do for a hot roll in the hay. Be better people.