Man Backs Out Of Wedding Proposal And Six-Year Relationship And His Almost Fiancée Seeks Advice From Internet
How would you feel if you knew your partner was planning on proposing, but backed out at the last minute? You can't imagine life without them, but you also feel betrayed and confused. What do you do?
Reddit user u/noproposalthrowaway shared their story:
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years as of this August. We have lived together now for close to 2 years as well. We have had many conversations about marriage, babies, and our future together.
This past winter we had a more serious and strategic conversation about our future than we have had in the past. We decided that we both wanted to get married in late January of 2019. My boyfriend asked me to send him links to rings I was interested in for the engagement. I sent him links by late January of 2018.
I of course wasn't expecting a proposal within a few weeks of our conversation. However, I did assume that a proposal would happen within the first 3 months of the year - considering we would need at least 8 months to plan a proper wedding.
Fast forward to March 2018, and we have a vacation planned for the last week of March/first week of April. This trip was very representative of our relationship, as it was a mainly hiking and outdoors themed trip.
Maybe I was naive, but I was almost certain he was going to propose at some point during our trip. My friends and family were all expecting a proposal as well - despite the fact that we had not talked to many people about our plans for marriage. My boyfriend was seemingly the only person that did not notice what a great opportunity our trip was for an engagement.
I came home from the trip disappointed. I absolutely understand that he is not expected to read my mind, and know that I was expecting a proposal. What hurt is that he seemed like the only person that did not know me well enough to know how important this trip was, and how meaningful a proposal would have been. I started to think he wasn't being honest with me about his intentions to get married.
For the next week after our trip, we had many thoughtful discussions about what to do. He made it very clear to me that he still wanted to get married this year, and that the past few months had gone by so fast he didn't think about planning a proposal in time for our trip.
Fast forward to this past weekend (April 20th) - he tells me that he has an appointment on Saturday but won't tell me what it's for. I start to assume he is up to something regarding a proposal. Sunday night he asks me about my rings again, and asks me which one I really prefer. At this point I am very certain he is looking to buy a ring within the next week. Monday night after work he has another mysterious appointment. As you might guess, I am now dead certain a proposal is happening VERY soon.
Come Tuesday night, he is acting funny. He seems sad, distant, and distracted before bed. I ask him what's bothering him, and he finally admits that he is feeling a lot of pressure to propose. He tells me that he was on the phone that morning about to finalize his purchase of a ring - but he gets a bad feeling and backs out. He tells me that he feels like he needs more time, but doesn't say how much time he needs.
I am completely floored. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. Hearing that was the last thing I expected to hear from him last week. I feel like he has lied to me this entire year about his seriousness over marriage. I feel like he has betrayed my trust and that we are no longer a team. I feel like he's broken my heart from having second thoughts about proposing.
At this point in the year, it's almost too late to start planning a wedding for January. So essentially our plans have unravelled completely. I feel lost. I don't know whether or not this is a deal breaker for me. Despite my boyfriend wavering on the proposal, he still strongly claims that he wants to spend his life with me and doesn't want to lose me over this.
I'm not sure if this is something I can move past - but I also can't imagine not being with him. Despite being hurt so badly, breaking up isn't something that my brain has even truly considered.
I would really love to hear some advice and opinions on this. I haven't talked to many of my friends about this, and have really been trying to work through it with my boyfriend alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: Boyfriend of nearly 6 years backs out of planned proposal, not sure how to react or what to do.nopropsalthrowaway' s thread Me [27 F] heartbroken after my [26 M] boyfriend of 6 years backs out of planned proposal is a call for help: TL;DR: "Boyfriend of nearly 6 years backs out of planned proposal, not sure how to react or what to do."
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Focus on the issue at hand - your partner is scared.Giphy
Don't get sidetracked with discussions about ring shopping, wedding planning, an elaborate proposal, or etc. It would still be a real proposal without a dramatic production or the perfect setting (or even without a ring), you could still have a happy marriage if the wedding is planned last minute, or if you elope.
Talk to him about your relationship, his timeline for marriage, and his concerns. Discuss your similarities and differences, your long-term goals, and timelines for things like having kids (or not) and buying a home. Maybe go to a few sessions of counseling together.
And holding off out of fear may be the safest move.Giphy
This makes so much sense.
If he's uncertain, he is absolutely doing the right thing by holding off. This is one of the biggest decisions you make in your lifetime.
Also, I want to add that it could simply be the pressure being placed on him to create the perfect scenario for a proposal. It's possible that he fears failing you in regard to the actual proposal. Communication is key here. If you're planning to spend your life with this guy, you both need to be able to discuss openly and honestly your thoughts, feelings and expectations. Once decided, the best advice I have is to place much more emphasis on the marriage, if it's what you both want, less on the proposal and wedding is my suggestion.
Not so fast, though. OP values the traditional engagement, so what about her needs?Giphy
I understand what you're trying to say, but all these ceremonial events are meaningful to some people and without them those people feel unappreciated by a partner. And one way of managing special events in a marriage isn't really more right or better than another if it's working for both people.
In this case, one of the people in the relationship wants the tradition and romance component of an engagement and wedding. Those things are meaningful to her. So it's not right to encourage her to give up on them just because you personally don't care for them.
It's like saying forget about ever having a birthday dinner together or getting a present from them, just focus on all the shared breakfasts you'll have every other day of the year.
While the bulk of what's important in the relationship is going to happen during those shared breakfasts, there's something meaningful to celebrating a birthday that makes the special events worth having together too (if birthdays are important to you, that is).
I think it's not really fair to expect someone like OP, who obviously will get a lot of joy out of following these customs with her future husband, to shift her expectations so drastically that she stops caring about experiencing the romance of a proposal and the meaningfulness of a wedding.
It's okay to want those things and it's okay to feel disappointment if one partner is showing cold feet over participating, as in this case. That might point to an incompatibility or an issue that needs to be worked through. We shouldn't just say that weddings are pointless by default, though.
Maybe there's a middle ground.Giphy
I also think he may have the impression that he has to have the VERY BEST, most romantic and perfect proposal ever, which is a ton of unnecessary pressure. OP is that possible? Because months of discussion and buildup seems like quite a lot. He may just be afraid of disappointing you with anything less than the perfect ring and proposal, which would be reinforced by the whole you-didn't-know-me-well-enough-to realize-this-trip-was-the-perfect-proposal-opp thing. And then imagine the extra pressure afterward! No wonder he freaked out. What if it wasn't the exact right ring?? What if he had to blow his nose two minutes before asking you?? Oh God it's all wrong and she'll resent me forever!
Giant gestures are going to matter very little in the decades of life you spend together. Patience, clear communication and forgiveness are so much more important. Make it clear that in your eyes there's no wrong way to do this, as long as you end up together.
One user has experienced this "sunk cost" - it might be best to "cut your losses."Giphy
He sounds a lot like my bf. We're about the same age as you, been dating for 4 years, lived together for 3, and moved 3 different times to be able to live together. First time he said he wanted to marry me was 2016, then early 2017 he said this year because 4 is an unlucky number, then end of summer 2017, then end of 2017. Scattered randomly throughout that he would say, my mom wants to meet with your parents and talk about it.
I've stressed so many times I would be happy with just a $200 or so ring. I said it would even be fine if we just went to the court house, or had a long engagement, whatever. After many talks, it became oh I need a job first, then he got a job, then it became oh you need to improve on this, and that. And then it became questions of "what do you even do for me?" To me it was an endless moving goal post.
I realized living like this was miserable, and I told him it's better for both of us to just break up and find someone that is "compatible" rather than waiting around forever hoping the other person will turn into that. He doesn't see it like that, and will always shut down my attempts at trying to initiate an amicable breakup by saying he does want to marry me, just xxx first. Anyways, this is a long rather pointless rant, so here's my experience:
- Some guys truly are fine just never getting married. It's better for you to see that early, and cut your losses. Right now I'm in the sunk cost fallacy, trying to dig out of it myself.
- You won't realize it, but your excitement and desire to marry him will slowly wither away and it'll be more or less go to "why haven't you proposed yet" and then you'll start trying to justify it, and then the final stage is you trying to convince yourself why you're better off not married.
- I don't believe the whole "well he says he loves you now and wants to be with you forever so what difference will a piece of paper make?" To me it makes all the difference in the world. Family members will take them more seriously, instead of just seeing him as "xxxx's boyfriend" That's just one reason off the top of my head, but personally I'd hate introducing him when I'm 45 as my "boyfriend, who I've been dating for 24 years."
And finally, just now this wishy washy pattern can totally kill a relationship. You go from highs when he mentions marriage planning, to lows when changes his mind, to highs, and lows and then each time it's not quite so high and not quite so low and then you realize you honestly don't care anymore. Don't let it get that far.
Sorry if this is so long. I just had this issue on the back of my mind for a while now too, and it feels good to vent. I feel you, OP <3
Best of luck!Giphy
I always appreciate when people post updates, so thank you for sharing. Much love to you ❤️
It could be as simple as the fiance wanting out.Giphy
I think he's having second thoughts and doesn't know if he wants to marry you at all.
And the magic of planning a wedding has been damaged.Giphy
I think for a lot of people, their partner feeling nervous about marrying them isn't what they want. They want their partner to be happy and excited about marrying them. So it's less about the proposal or marriage and more about the overall experience.
She doesn't want to brag to their friends and family about how he dragged his feet and moved goalposts until she gave him an ultimatum. She wants to brag about how badly he wanted to be married to her and how much thought he put into the proposal, how well he takes care of her emotional needs.
Which means their entire future is in question.Giphy
So it's not about the proposal itself (planning the event), it's doubts about the marriage, about your future together. You can't marry unless and until he resolves them fully. You can leave or perhaps you can work through it but don't get married in January unless you are both certain. Don't risk pushing him into marriage when his gut feeling is telling him it's a bad idea, only to divorce down the road.
I'm sorry. It sucks.
OP could try being the one to propose - or just worry about the bigger picture, which is the marriage.Giphy
My husband f*cked up the proposal but good and we're very happily married today. Like you, we'd agreed to get married. He wanted to propose (and, like your man, had a perfect opportunity) but he got all up in his head about it. I didn't exactly give him an ultimatum, but I told him that if he didn't propose by X date that I would just consider us engaged and start the planning process with his mom. He ended up doing a half-bakeed proposal at the last minute, which wasn't great but got the job done and we had a great wedding.
Here's what I would have done, in retrospect:
1) Tell him "I don't want a proposal, I just want to be married. Can we just go ahead and start planning this?"
2) Propose yourself. Get him a nice token of some kind and make the gesture. See what he says.
Maybe some counseling would help, but that's probably not a good sign.Giphy
I'm honestly surprised about so many of the comments talking about how much pressure and stress it is to be expected to propose. But it sounds like this isn't about the proposal, but getting married itself. You're in your late 20s and have been together for 6 years. What is he waiting for? What will he learn about you next year that he doesn't now?
I would consider if marriage is something you need. If it is, you're going to have a tough choice to make.
But in the end, fiance probably doesn't want to get married, or at least, he's not ready.Giphy
I think it's pretty clear he doesn't want to marry you. After 6 years, he should know either way. The fact that he backed out tells me that he wants to date you but doesn't want to commit. I'm sorry.
Suggestion: use this experience to strengthen your next relationship.Giphy
I know that this will mean nothing to you now but in 3-8 months when the reality of dating again sets in, accompanied by the existential fear of dying alone that everyone (yes, everyone) who was used to a ltr inevitably experiences: you have the most attractive possible background to people looking for a serious partner. You're not inexperienced but you have no problem with committing, you're young but not a baby, you're loyal, and you stand up for yourself and what you want.
Heck, that's probably the best qualities a person can have in many situations, romantic or not.
It's like you took one of the most unpleasant courses in the world but then graduated with special honors.
Others who had a similar experience learned to enjoy being single.Giphy
At 27 I thought dating and marriage was necessary for a happy life and then I wound up single for the next 11 years. I slowly realized those years were better than any of the time I'd spent dating. Met my current boyfriend outside of any deliberate effort to date--it was entirely by chance. I'm not saying that OP doesn't have all those wonderful traits you're saying (I agree, she likely does, way to go OP )I'm just trying to point out that life doesn't require dating to feel fulfilling.
Learn to love yourself for yourself again.Giphy
The best thing that I did for myself after my divorce was not date anyone. I took myself to the movies, got mani-pedis regularly, spent time with my friends and family, got a cute hair cut, spent time at the gym, and started working towards some long term educational goals that had been delayed because life.
It was tough, though. It was weird to live alone. It was weird to sleep alone. It was weird for a long, long time. Like a solid year. But then, I started sleeping diagonally across my queen size bed, made some new (not mutual) friends, got into a new hobby, started really making a dent in those educational goals and it was a really good feeling.
I'm not that much older than you , and I'm telling you, you've got this. It's going to be tough, but it's also not the end of the world. Best of luck to you : )
In the months that followed, the relationship ended.Giphy
3 months later and we have decided to end our relationship. We officially broke up a few weeks ago, and he moved his furniture out of our apartment this week.
I received incredibly varied advice from my original post. I took all of it into consideration, and let him read the post as well.
We tried our very best over the last few months to move past this, but we were not able to. Breaking up seemed like the only option left.
To all of you that told me that he wanted to be with me, but didn't want to get married, you were right. I didn't want to believe it, but after months of circular conversations, it came back every time. He just didn't want to get married, he didn't feel like he was ready, and he didn't know when he would be.
Basically I wanted to post an update on this thread because I needed to get it off my chest. I always figured that maybe some of you were in similar situations and you were hoping to eventually hear the outcome.
Thank you to everyone who had originally commented on my post! You definitely gave me a lot to think about.
TLDR: **6 year relationship ends after disagreement on planned marriage/proposal**
There are few things more satisfying than a crisp $20 bill. Well, maybe a crisp $100 bill.
But twenty big ones can get you pretty far nonetheless.
Whether it's tucked firmly in a birthday card, passing from hand to hand after a knee-jerk sports bet, or going toward a useful tool, the old twenty dollar bill has been used for countless purposes.
Breaking Even<p>"I got a jacket and a pair of jeans at goodwill for about $20. My first time wearing the jacket I found a tiny zipper inside a pocket."</p><p>"There was a secret inner pocket with a twenty in it."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdv70q?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TheBrontosaurus</a></p>
Keeps On Giving<p>"23 Years ago I was in the US for some work and was not prepared for the cold of Chicago. Went to wal-mart and bought myself a cheap, warm jacket."</p><p>"I'm wearing that jacket right now - still looks fine, still keeps me warm."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe41xv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TastyEnd</a></p>
As Good As They Come<p>"Wool pinstripe double breasted suit from Goodwill, fit perfectly and was brand new. Ended up wearing it to get married the next year." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdw6mx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">verminiusrex</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"God I love Goodwill!!" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe5aee?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Neverthelilacqueen</a></p>
The Socks She Needed<p>"I work at a thrift shop. A homeless lady came in and asked us where the socks were. We only sell new socks, so I directed her towards the new socks and she was... shocked and disappointed by the price tag, surely."<br></p><p>"I gave her a moment as she looked, and she moved to some kids' socks and picked them up, and I... just couldn't let that happen. I told her that I would help her, and told her to get herself some socks and a jacket."</p><p>"She kind of just... held out the children's socks, so I took them, put them back, and grabbed the extra fluffy socks that were hanging."</p><p>"She grabs a jacket and some pants, and I pay for it. My coworker looks the other way since we're not supposed to purchase anything while on the clock. The lady is in tears as she walks out."</p><p>"I notice that she's still outside a minute later putting them on, and ask her if they fit her or if she needed something else; and she told me they were perfect and proceeded to cry. I cried in return."</p><p>"It was a good day."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpen3w1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Snowodin</a></p>
Not Forgotten<p>"A guy came into my work when I managed a mom and pop Pizza Place. He said he was stranded with no phone, and no money, but that the people at the Verizon store next door to us said they could get him a cheap phone with some minutes on it for 20 bucks."</p><p>"He offered to do dishes for a few hours to make some money so he could get this phone. I told him not to worry about it and gave him a 20 from my wallet. He thanked me, asked me for my name, and then he left and I never saw him again."</p><p>"Skip forward about 5 months, and when I get into work the owner was there and said she had gotten a letter addressed to me. 'Weird,' I thought."</p><p>"But when I opened it there was a 50 dollar bill and a short note from the guy I gave 20 dollars to thanking me for my kindness and for not turning him away."</p><p>"Turns out he was in a bad way (addicted to hard drugs and homeless) and really was stranded there. He was trying to get a phone so he could contact his parents (who lived in another state) for help."</p><p>"From what it sounded like, he seemed to really turn his life around. He was clean and working a stable job while still living with his parents."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpem2xc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Mixmaster-McGuire</a></p>
The Best Finale<p>"It was the day before payday. My wife came to see me at work. My break was in an hour, so I asked for her to wait a bit, so we could enjoy it together. She did."</p><p>"I bought her some lunch, because it was what I could afford. I bought her a ham and cheese sub sandwich and two iced teas. These were her favorite. I bought gas with the rest of the twenty so she could get home. She dropped me back off at work."</p><p>"That night, she passed away. It brings me comfort to know that I bought her favorite sandwich and drink for her that afternoon. It was likely the last thing she ate, since it was near dinner. I'll never forget it. Best $20 I ever spent, because it was for her."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe9c6d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LollipopDreamscape</a></p>
Leaning Into the Nerdery<p>"It was my ninth or tenth birthday. My grandparents gave me $20. The first $20 bill I ever held in my hand! I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it."</p><p>"A week later, we went into the city and Toys R Us. I went straight to the Transformers aisle. And there he was. My favourite Transformer. The one I always wanted...Soundwave."</p><p>"He's the one who turned into a Walkman and he could eject cassettes that turned into robot animals. The price tag said $19.99. It was meant to be."</p><p>"I took Soundwave to the clerk and gave her my $20 bill. "And here's your change!" she said, as she gave me a single penny."</p><p>"Ah, Soundwave. The best friend a lonely little nerd could have."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdzzxe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">originalchaosinabox</a></p>
Different Time<p>"I went to a Rush concert in 1982. The ticket was $9.50 and the t-shirt was $10." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdyr0k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PaulsRedditUsername</a></p>
Motivational Spending<p>"My then six year old niece had a loose tooth she loved to show off and had resisted pulling out for two weeks. We were all at my parents and I was getting ready to leave, I pulled out a $20 and said 'I'll give you this right now if you pull out your tooth.' "</p><p>"She was already crying because her little sister had did something so when she ran into the bathroom none of us had no idea in what she was about to do."</p><p>"So she comes out crying still, but a little bit of blood I'm her mouth because of course, she pulled out her tooth. But the now removed tooth fell down the drain to the sink and she was crying because she lost her proof!"</p><p>"After she calmed down she was happy as a clam with a brand new $20 and everyone was quite proud of her. My sister told me she spent it on candy and shared with her little sister."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpdxi4k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">themasimumdorkus</a></p>
For the Story<p>"It was actually to a scammer in Rome. There was this guy right outside of Colosseum who started tying strings around my wrist and told me to make a wish. I knew it was going to cost but I thought what the hell, last day in Rome so might as well go with it. </p><p>"My wish was to find love."</p><p>"I spent rest of the day getting lost in the city and stumbled across two weddings and one baptism ceremony. So I did find love, just not for myself."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lvu5aq/whats_the_best_20_you_ever_spent/gpe7b2w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FatalFinn</a></p>
I realize that school safety has been severely compromised and has been under dire scrutiny over the past decade and of course, it should be. And when I was a student, my safety was one of my greatest priorities but, some implemented rules under the guise of "safety" were and are... just plain ludicrous. Like who thinks up some of these ideas?Redditor u/Animeking1108 wanted to discuss how the education system has ideas that sometimes are just more a pain in the butt than a daily enhancement... What was the dumbest rule your school enforced?
Don't Peek<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc4OS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDE0Mzc2OH0.Y1Lzy1MTqxyVqOCe9xjeHTRZsKnbyVjYzdb4-Heldyo/img.gif?width=980" id="78b19" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e14a90be026b734830e7661f776ba4a8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="475" data-height="475" />schitts creek wtf GIF by CBCGiphy<p>Took all the doors off the men's room bathroom stalls because of vandalism for 2 months.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphrfce?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Endless_Vanity</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Endless_Vanity/" target="_blank"></a></p>
Scanned<p>School added thumb print scanners at gates of school which counted as registration - needless to say I would just walk to school scan my thumb and walk back home with them none the wiser. Was a great few months until they noticed. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpidnou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">richpianofan5</a></p>
Age of Empires...<p>Conservative Christian College. A group of us played Age of Empires one weekend. They didn't like it and called a meeting. Everyone involved got misdemeanors on their records. There was nothing in the handbook about it being against the rules. The only person that didn't get any punishment was the son of the president even though he was just as involved as the rest of us. <span></span></p>
"Genius"<p>In my freshman year of high school we had a terrible vandalism problem, the bathrooms would be broken in various ways almost constantly. In a stroke of pure genius, the staff decided that any bathroom that was vandalized would be closed for the week on first offense, the quarter for second, and permanently on the third offense.</p><p>They took back the rule after closing every bathroom on day one. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi77co?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Samus388</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Samus388/" target="_blank"></a></p>
Is this Footloose?<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDc5Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzg0MjU2M30.PeBUt-YWZeeRStaD_RZlGPQzo29E9t733yqZbIiJlYs/img.gif?width=980" id="3a5bd" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="102730e3b1b90ba9cb393561c702c9af" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="500" />kevin bacon dancing GIF by STARZGiphy<p>Prom was a mandatory lockdown for the night in order to avoid students going to parties after prom.</p><p>Prom was held at various house parties across town instead. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi37x7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Coffee-spree</a></p>
HOLDEN FOREVER!!!<p>My high school mascot was Daniel Boone holding a musket. A kid wore a Guns 'n Roses shirt to school and was told he had to change shirts because of the pistols on the shirt. He pointed out the hypocrisy of the school mascot and they changed EVERYTHING. The mascot was switched to holding a flag pole instead. <span></span></p>
No Dots<p>You couldn't wear ANY kind of head items that were "gang colours" (red or blue) - this No included hair bands, scrunchies, beads in your hair, ribbons - ANYTHING. I got in trouble for wearing a blue hair band with white polka dots. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphzpyf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Pleasant-Flamingo344</a></p>
Clothes Check<p>We had to wear belts. Someone snitched that people weren't wearing belts under their sweaters, and they actually checked and a bunch of people got detentions. Stupid. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ooo-ooo-oooyea</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gphz3y6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>We had belt raids at my school where the dean would burst into classes, completely interrupting any education, to check that everyone was wearing a belt. </p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpia8pp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">GuinnessMicrodose</a></p>
Chase the Flat<p>We weren't allowed to play tag football at lunch, only frisbee. When I asked the principal what the difference was, he responded with a sarcastic tone, "A football is round and a frisbee is a flat disk."</p><p>He left the school later that year, went to another school, and a few years later was brought up on charges for failing to report the abuse of a student by a teacher. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpi6lh3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">uninc4life2010</a></p>
Poke-Thief<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDgwMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODg5MzY2Nn0.5LMPk1suou6U2SvAURKP-sHEuK7Izpkbxm0PWqvx95E/img.gif?width=980" id="b6e9f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="92383d30e34aa92fd74cf6c1374ec294" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" />hotline bling pokemon GIFGiphy<p>Pokemon cards got banned in middle school because someone stole the vice principal's kid's cards. Yep. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpiapym?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Skadoosh_it</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Skadoosh_it/" target="_blank"></a></p>
In the Face...<p>If you were involved in a fight, you got suspended. While it sounds reasonable, context didn't matter.</p><p>I got suspended once not for throwing a single punch, kick, whatever. I got suspended because someone knocked the books out of my hand and when I reached down to grab them they punched me in the face.</p><p>I got suspended for walking down the hallway and unprovoked getting punched in the face.</p><p>Forget Brandon Valley Middle School. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lwjlif/what_was_the_dumbest_rule_your_school_enforced/gpicbyx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">CLG_MianBao</a></p>
One of the golden rules of life? Doctors are merely human. They don't know everything and they make mistakes. That is why you always want to get another opinion. Things are constantly missed. That doesn't mean docs don't know what they're doing, they just aren't infallible. So make sure to ask questions, lots of them.Redditor u/Gorgon_the_Dragon wanted to hear from doctors about why it is imperative we always get second and maybe third opinions by asking... Doctors of Reddit, what was the worse thing you've seen for a patient that another Doctor overlooked?
Grandma Wins<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcxOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTQxNTgzOX0.n9IaFGgHwnULMlI2kg7RUftxDg6lyWvdM9CnhvptCRY/img.gif?width=980" id="a0857" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9762f97a23c27ccf6b75974caa854361" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />Old Lady Wine GIF by MattielGiphy<p>Not a doctor, but my grandmother saved my father's eyesight because she didn't listen to their doctor. </p>
The Mummy Appendage<p>When I was a resident, an 80yo female was admitted from the nursing home for confusion. Workup showed some mild UTI and we were giving her antibiotics. The nurse mentioned that her toe looked dark and asked me to look at it. The toe wasn't just dark, it was mummified. It looked like dry beef jerky. I touched it and pieces flaked off. So the patient from a nursing home, had a mummified toe, probably for months, that no one knew about. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg00qn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Dr2ray</a></p>
The CT Save<p>Here's my story:</p><p>A guy came in to our ICU and was very septic but still talking. He had visited his primary care MD with complaints of a sore throat for a couple of days. Dismissed without any intervention since he didn't appear to have strep throat or the flu. At this point he was having pretty severe abdominal discomfort, so we sent him for a CT scan. As the scan was finishing, he coded and had to be intubated, multi-organ failure, etc. </p>
Patches<p>When I was an ER nurse we got an elderly lady in for altered mental status from a nursing home, when we undressed her to put her in a gown and hook her up to the monitor, I noticed no less than 5 fentanyl patches on her, guess I discovered the cause of the AMS. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpg1lml?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ChewbaccaSlim426</a></p>
Use your Words<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcxNDcyMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDA1NjI0MH0.WtyCdxL1vRZwD2-jpKZXMOEakwhiBaJIkp1YPnOzlvo/img.gif?width=980" id="e45ca" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f5b98e6a4605a587dbd97579468a51d8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="498" data-height="367" />Communication GIF by memecandyGiphy<p>Neurologist sent patient to our ED without informing her that imaging showed a glioblastoma assuring her impending death. He didn't overlook the disease, he overlooked the communication. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lw2g2z/doctors_of_reddit_what_was_the_worse_thing_youve/gpfl5t5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AzureSkye27</a></p>
Mad Cow Realty<p>During my residency we had this lady in her 60s who was getting progressively more forgetful, just overall declining and getting less and less able to take care of herself. She had been seeing her pcp who diagnosed her with dementia. And she saw a neurologist who agreed. She was not really able to provide an accurate history. <span></span></p>
After Birth...<p>I used to work in maternal-fetal medicine, and every single week, we would have women referred to us "because the doctor couldn't see something clearly with the baby and wanted to double check." Nope, they just didn't want to have to be the ones to tell you that your baby had a complex cardiac defect or multiple anomalies indicative of a genetic syndrome or any other of a large number of horrible things that can happen during fetal development. Still pisses me off when I think about how many women waited weeks for more information because their doctors were cowards who couldn't tell them, "There's something seriously wrong here." <span></span></p>
bad doctors<p>I'm not a doctor, but a RN. This happened to me, but isn't nearly as bad as most of the stories on here.</p><p>When I was in college, I got to where I couldn't swallow. It started with difficulty swallowing, progressed to me having to swallow bites of food multiple times/regurgitating it, and then got to where all I could swallow was broths and mashed potatoes with no chunks. I went to the doctor multiple times, and was told every time it was acid reflux and part of my anxiety disorder. <span></span></p>
The Valve...<p>He put the pacemaker lead in the subclavian artery (and across the aortic valve into the left ventricle). The proper approach is: subclavian vein to right ventricle). And then he didn't notice it for over a year. I saw the patient (a 25 yo woman who didn't need the pacemaker in the first place) when she was in congestive heart failure. <span></span><br></p>
Bitten<p>Rattlesnake bite. On a 2 year old. Patient and dad out in the fields near a small town that is several hours away from the nearest big city, where I work.</p>
When we think about learning history, our first thought is usually sitting in our high school history class (or AP World History class if you're a nerd like me) being bored out of our minds. Unless again, you're a huge freaking nerd like me. But I think we all have the memory of the moment where we realized learning about history was kinda cool. And they usually start from one weird fact.
Here are a few examples of turning points in learning about history, straight from the keyboards of the people at AskReddit.