Man Backs Out Of Wedding Proposal And Six-Year Relationship And His Almost Fiancée Seeks Advice From Internet
How would you feel if you knew your partner was planning on proposing, but backed out at the last minute? You can't imagine life without them, but you also feel betrayed and confused. What do you do?
Reddit user u/noproposalthrowaway shared their story:
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years as of this August. We have lived together now for close to 2 years as well. We have had many conversations about marriage, babies, and our future together.
This past winter we had a more serious and strategic conversation about our future than we have had in the past. We decided that we both wanted to get married in late January of 2019. My boyfriend asked me to send him links to rings I was interested in for the engagement. I sent him links by late January of 2018.
I of course wasn't expecting a proposal within a few weeks of our conversation. However, I did assume that a proposal would happen within the first 3 months of the year - considering we would need at least 8 months to plan a proper wedding.
Fast forward to March 2018, and we have a vacation planned for the last week of March/first week of April. This trip was very representative of our relationship, as it was a mainly hiking and outdoors themed trip.
Maybe I was naive, but I was almost certain he was going to propose at some point during our trip. My friends and family were all expecting a proposal as well - despite the fact that we had not talked to many people about our plans for marriage. My boyfriend was seemingly the only person that did not notice what a great opportunity our trip was for an engagement.
I came home from the trip disappointed. I absolutely understand that he is not expected to read my mind, and know that I was expecting a proposal. What hurt is that he seemed like the only person that did not know me well enough to know how important this trip was, and how meaningful a proposal would have been. I started to think he wasn't being honest with me about his intentions to get married.
For the next week after our trip, we had many thoughtful discussions about what to do. He made it very clear to me that he still wanted to get married this year, and that the past few months had gone by so fast he didn't think about planning a proposal in time for our trip.
Fast forward to this past weekend (April 20th) - he tells me that he has an appointment on Saturday but won't tell me what it's for. I start to assume he is up to something regarding a proposal. Sunday night he asks me about my rings again, and asks me which one I really prefer. At this point I am very certain he is looking to buy a ring within the next week. Monday night after work he has another mysterious appointment. As you might guess, I am now dead certain a proposal is happening VERY soon.
Come Tuesday night, he is acting funny. He seems sad, distant, and distracted before bed. I ask him what's bothering him, and he finally admits that he is feeling a lot of pressure to propose. He tells me that he was on the phone that morning about to finalize his purchase of a ring - but he gets a bad feeling and backs out. He tells me that he feels like he needs more time, but doesn't say how much time he needs.
I am completely floored. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. Hearing that was the last thing I expected to hear from him last week. I feel like he has lied to me this entire year about his seriousness over marriage. I feel like he has betrayed my trust and that we are no longer a team. I feel like he's broken my heart from having second thoughts about proposing.
At this point in the year, it's almost too late to start planning a wedding for January. So essentially our plans have unravelled completely. I feel lost. I don't know whether or not this is a deal breaker for me. Despite my boyfriend wavering on the proposal, he still strongly claims that he wants to spend his life with me and doesn't want to lose me over this.
I'm not sure if this is something I can move past - but I also can't imagine not being with him. Despite being hurt so badly, breaking up isn't something that my brain has even truly considered.
I would really love to hear some advice and opinions on this. I haven't talked to many of my friends about this, and have really been trying to work through it with my boyfriend alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: Boyfriend of nearly 6 years backs out of planned proposal, not sure how to react or what to do.nopropsalthrowaway' s thread Me [27 F] heartbroken after my [26 M] boyfriend of 6 years backs out of planned proposal is a call for help: TL;DR: "Boyfriend of nearly 6 years backs out of planned proposal, not sure how to react or what to do."
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Focus on the issue at hand - your partner is scared.Giphy
Don't get sidetracked with discussions about ring shopping, wedding planning, an elaborate proposal, or etc. It would still be a real proposal without a dramatic production or the perfect setting (or even without a ring), you could still have a happy marriage if the wedding is planned last minute, or if you elope.
Talk to him about your relationship, his timeline for marriage, and his concerns. Discuss your similarities and differences, your long-term goals, and timelines for things like having kids (or not) and buying a home. Maybe go to a few sessions of counseling together.
And holding off out of fear may be the safest move.Giphy
This makes so much sense.
If he's uncertain, he is absolutely doing the right thing by holding off. This is one of the biggest decisions you make in your lifetime.
Also, I want to add that it could simply be the pressure being placed on him to create the perfect scenario for a proposal. It's possible that he fears failing you in regard to the actual proposal. Communication is key here. If you're planning to spend your life with this guy, you both need to be able to discuss openly and honestly your thoughts, feelings and expectations. Once decided, the best advice I have is to place much more emphasis on the marriage, if it's what you both want, less on the proposal and wedding is my suggestion.
Not so fast, though. OP values the traditional engagement, so what about her needs?Giphy
I understand what you're trying to say, but all these ceremonial events are meaningful to some people and without them those people feel unappreciated by a partner. And one way of managing special events in a marriage isn't really more right or better than another if it's working for both people.
In this case, one of the people in the relationship wants the tradition and romance component of an engagement and wedding. Those things are meaningful to her. So it's not right to encourage her to give up on them just because you personally don't care for them.
It's like saying forget about ever having a birthday dinner together or getting a present from them, just focus on all the shared breakfasts you'll have every other day of the year.
While the bulk of what's important in the relationship is going to happen during those shared breakfasts, there's something meaningful to celebrating a birthday that makes the special events worth having together too (if birthdays are important to you, that is).
I think it's not really fair to expect someone like OP, who obviously will get a lot of joy out of following these customs with her future husband, to shift her expectations so drastically that she stops caring about experiencing the romance of a proposal and the meaningfulness of a wedding.
It's okay to want those things and it's okay to feel disappointment if one partner is showing cold feet over participating, as in this case. That might point to an incompatibility or an issue that needs to be worked through. We shouldn't just say that weddings are pointless by default, though.
Maybe there's a middle ground.Giphy
I also think he may have the impression that he has to have the VERY BEST, most romantic and perfect proposal ever, which is a ton of unnecessary pressure. OP is that possible? Because months of discussion and buildup seems like quite a lot. He may just be afraid of disappointing you with anything less than the perfect ring and proposal, which would be reinforced by the whole you-didn't-know-me-well-enough-to realize-this-trip-was-the-perfect-proposal-opp thing. And then imagine the extra pressure afterward! No wonder he freaked out. What if it wasn't the exact right ring?? What if he had to blow his nose two minutes before asking you?? Oh God it's all wrong and she'll resent me forever!
Giant gestures are going to matter very little in the decades of life you spend together. Patience, clear communication and forgiveness are so much more important. Make it clear that in your eyes there's no wrong way to do this, as long as you end up together.
One user has experienced this "sunk cost" - it might be best to "cut your losses."Giphy
He sounds a lot like my bf. We're about the same age as you, been dating for 4 years, lived together for 3, and moved 3 different times to be able to live together. First time he said he wanted to marry me was 2016, then early 2017 he said this year because 4 is an unlucky number, then end of summer 2017, then end of 2017. Scattered randomly throughout that he would say, my mom wants to meet with your parents and talk about it.
I've stressed so many times I would be happy with just a $200 or so ring. I said it would even be fine if we just went to the court house, or had a long engagement, whatever. After many talks, it became oh I need a job first, then he got a job, then it became oh you need to improve on this, and that. And then it became questions of "what do you even do for me?" To me it was an endless moving goal post.
I realized living like this was miserable, and I told him it's better for both of us to just break up and find someone that is "compatible" rather than waiting around forever hoping the other person will turn into that. He doesn't see it like that, and will always shut down my attempts at trying to initiate an amicable breakup by saying he does want to marry me, just xxx first. Anyways, this is a long rather pointless rant, so here's my experience:
- Some guys truly are fine just never getting married. It's better for you to see that early, and cut your losses. Right now I'm in the sunk cost fallacy, trying to dig out of it myself.
- You won't realize it, but your excitement and desire to marry him will slowly wither away and it'll be more or less go to "why haven't you proposed yet" and then you'll start trying to justify it, and then the final stage is you trying to convince yourself why you're better off not married.
- I don't believe the whole "well he says he loves you now and wants to be with you forever so what difference will a piece of paper make?" To me it makes all the difference in the world. Family members will take them more seriously, instead of just seeing him as "xxxx's boyfriend" That's just one reason off the top of my head, but personally I'd hate introducing him when I'm 45 as my "boyfriend, who I've been dating for 24 years."
And finally, just now this wishy washy pattern can totally kill a relationship. You go from highs when he mentions marriage planning, to lows when changes his mind, to highs, and lows and then each time it's not quite so high and not quite so low and then you realize you honestly don't care anymore. Don't let it get that far.
Sorry if this is so long. I just had this issue on the back of my mind for a while now too, and it feels good to vent. I feel you, OP <3
Best of luck!Giphy
I always appreciate when people post updates, so thank you for sharing. Much love to you ❤️
It could be as simple as the fiance wanting out.Giphy
I think he's having second thoughts and doesn't know if he wants to marry you at all.
And the magic of planning a wedding has been damaged.Giphy
I think for a lot of people, their partner feeling nervous about marrying them isn't what they want. They want their partner to be happy and excited about marrying them. So it's less about the proposal or marriage and more about the overall experience.
She doesn't want to brag to their friends and family about how he dragged his feet and moved goalposts until she gave him an ultimatum. She wants to brag about how badly he wanted to be married to her and how much thought he put into the proposal, how well he takes care of her emotional needs.
Which means their entire future is in question.Giphy
So it's not about the proposal itself (planning the event), it's doubts about the marriage, about your future together. You can't marry unless and until he resolves them fully. You can leave or perhaps you can work through it but don't get married in January unless you are both certain. Don't risk pushing him into marriage when his gut feeling is telling him it's a bad idea, only to divorce down the road.
I'm sorry. It sucks.
OP could try being the one to propose - or just worry about the bigger picture, which is the marriage.Giphy
My husband f*cked up the proposal but good and we're very happily married today. Like you, we'd agreed to get married. He wanted to propose (and, like your man, had a perfect opportunity) but he got all up in his head about it. I didn't exactly give him an ultimatum, but I told him that if he didn't propose by X date that I would just consider us engaged and start the planning process with his mom. He ended up doing a half-bakeed proposal at the last minute, which wasn't great but got the job done and we had a great wedding.
Here's what I would have done, in retrospect:
1) Tell him "I don't want a proposal, I just want to be married. Can we just go ahead and start planning this?"
2) Propose yourself. Get him a nice token of some kind and make the gesture. See what he says.
Maybe some counseling would help, but that's probably not a good sign.Giphy
I'm honestly surprised about so many of the comments talking about how much pressure and stress it is to be expected to propose. But it sounds like this isn't about the proposal, but getting married itself. You're in your late 20s and have been together for 6 years. What is he waiting for? What will he learn about you next year that he doesn't now?
I would consider if marriage is something you need. If it is, you're going to have a tough choice to make.
But in the end, fiance probably doesn't want to get married, or at least, he's not ready.Giphy
I think it's pretty clear he doesn't want to marry you. After 6 years, he should know either way. The fact that he backed out tells me that he wants to date you but doesn't want to commit. I'm sorry.
Suggestion: use this experience to strengthen your next relationship.Giphy
I know that this will mean nothing to you now but in 3-8 months when the reality of dating again sets in, accompanied by the existential fear of dying alone that everyone (yes, everyone) who was used to a ltr inevitably experiences: you have the most attractive possible background to people looking for a serious partner. You're not inexperienced but you have no problem with committing, you're young but not a baby, you're loyal, and you stand up for yourself and what you want.
Heck, that's probably the best qualities a person can have in many situations, romantic or not.
It's like you took one of the most unpleasant courses in the world but then graduated with special honors.
Others who had a similar experience learned to enjoy being single.Giphy
At 27 I thought dating and marriage was necessary for a happy life and then I wound up single for the next 11 years. I slowly realized those years were better than any of the time I'd spent dating. Met my current boyfriend outside of any deliberate effort to date--it was entirely by chance. I'm not saying that OP doesn't have all those wonderful traits you're saying (I agree, she likely does, way to go OP )I'm just trying to point out that life doesn't require dating to feel fulfilling.
Learn to love yourself for yourself again.Giphy
The best thing that I did for myself after my divorce was not date anyone. I took myself to the movies, got mani-pedis regularly, spent time with my friends and family, got a cute hair cut, spent time at the gym, and started working towards some long term educational goals that had been delayed because life.
It was tough, though. It was weird to live alone. It was weird to sleep alone. It was weird for a long, long time. Like a solid year. But then, I started sleeping diagonally across my queen size bed, made some new (not mutual) friends, got into a new hobby, started really making a dent in those educational goals and it was a really good feeling.
I'm not that much older than you , and I'm telling you, you've got this. It's going to be tough, but it's also not the end of the world. Best of luck to you : )
In the months that followed, the relationship ended.Giphy
3 months later and we have decided to end our relationship. We officially broke up a few weeks ago, and he moved his furniture out of our apartment this week.
I received incredibly varied advice from my original post. I took all of it into consideration, and let him read the post as well.
We tried our very best over the last few months to move past this, but we were not able to. Breaking up seemed like the only option left.
To all of you that told me that he wanted to be with me, but didn't want to get married, you were right. I didn't want to believe it, but after months of circular conversations, it came back every time. He just didn't want to get married, he didn't feel like he was ready, and he didn't know when he would be.
Basically I wanted to post an update on this thread because I needed to get it off my chest. I always figured that maybe some of you were in similar situations and you were hoping to eventually hear the outcome.
Thank you to everyone who had originally commented on my post! You definitely gave me a lot to think about.
TLDR: **6 year relationship ends after disagreement on planned marriage/proposal**
Euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide refer to, as defined by Medical News Today, as the "deliberate action taken with the intention of ending a life, in order to relieve persistent suffering." It's a controversial topic. As of 2021, active human euthanasia is legal in the Netherlands, Belgium, Colombia, Luxembourg, Canada, and Spain. Assisted suicide is legal in Switzerland, Germany, the Australian states of Victoria Northern Territory, and Western Australia.
But this issue has many passionate supporters who often know what it's like to care for someone who would have benefited from the practice. They told their stories after Redditor Random2328 asked the online community,
"What are your thoughts on medically assisted death?"
"She was able to go to a place in Switzerland..."
"My grandma was 89 and wasn't dying of anything in particular—she didn't have cancer or dementia or anything—but her memory was slowly failing and her body was generally falling apart from old age and a leg injury from fifty years prior. She had been a widow for fourteen years. She was lonely and in pain all the time and her family lived across the ocean so we couldn't see her as much as we'd want to.
There was nothing actively killing her, but she did NOT want to be alive anymore. She wasn't depressed, just old and in pain and ready to be done.
She was able to go to a place in Switzerland, with all four of her children, and take a pill to end her life while her children sang to her and she looked out at the mountains.
We all got to say goodbye to her and she got to be completely in control of the end of her life. I can only hope that if I am ever in that situation, then the world will be kind enough to let me close my own exit as beautifully and peacefully as my grandma did."
Your grandmother sounds like she was truly blessed. Being able to make that choice––and still have time with her family––no doubt meant the world to her.
"I don't know if I'd have the courage..."
"I just went through this with a good friend in Canada. He had glioblastoma and was given 3-6 months to live. Ultimately he lived for 15 months, but he wanted to be sure he could end his life when things got bad for him, so he made the necessary preparations. I'd long known he'd made these plans. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. But as I was caring for him for the last six weeks of his life I got to witness the process firsthand.
Long story a bit shorter: Towards the end, my friend could no longer walk or speak. He could understand everything you said to him, but he couldn't find the words to reply intelligently. In his frustration, he made it clear that he was ready. So we explicitly asked him if he was ready to die. He said yes.
The next day two nurses came to his home. They talked to him and confirmed that he wanted to end his life. So, while sitting in his favorite recliner, they put in an IV. His immediate family and I sat with him. The nurses administered medication that made him fall asleep. Then they administered a second medication that stopped his breathing. In less than 5 minutes he was gone.
I don't know if I'd have the courage to make the decision my friend did, but I didn't experience his suffering. Being present for him as he ended his life has convinced me that having the option to end your life on your own terms is the absolute right thing to do. There's no reason someone should have to continue to suffer when they know all they have to look forward to is more suffering. I'm very grateful that my friend had the option available to him. Had he been in my state in the U.S. that wouldn't have been possible. But it should be."
"She made the decision to have the procedure done..."
"My grandmother passed away last week with a medically assisted death.
She had cancer that had spread to her brain, and was given a few weeks to a few months to live. From what family members said, she was deteriorating fast.
She made the decision to have the procedure done as she wanted to end her time here with dignity. The appointment was made, doctors consulted, and paperwork drawn up. 10 days later two medical professionals came by her house where she was spending time with her children. It was done quickly and comfortably.
Nana left peacefully on her own accord, in the comfort of her own home, and while she was still more or less herself. It was very strange to have a time and a date looming, but it also allowed me to set aside that time to be alone and hold a small vigil of my own (I'm currently in another country, and couldn't get back)
She lived in Canada, where this service has recently been made more accessible, and I'm all for it. If it helped my Nana, it could help so many others."
It sounds like your Nana was able to have peace––and so do you.
"It should be a right..."
"It should be a right for every human to choose when terminal. We euthanize our pets but not our loved ones. We allow our loved ones to suffer miserably at the end of life. I was a hospice nurse and saw the suffering first hand. It is inhumane to allow that."
Why do we allow it for pets and not for humans? What makes an animal's life worth more than a human's? Shouldn't they both be held in equal regard?
"I have a degenerative brain disease..."
"I have a degenerative brain disease and would very much like to die with some dignity left, so I'm all for it."
No doubt. We're sorry to hear about your struggle.
"I longed for there to be a legal way..."
"We let people die in fear and pain, but not animals. The last 6 months of my mum's life were exactly how she didn't want to live - confused, incontinent, immobile. I longed for there to be a legal way to end her suffering. She made it very clear to me during her life that this was not the way she wanted to go. I'm an RN and should make it clear I've never assisted in ending anyone's life, but I've wanted to. Medically assisted death doesn't mean more death, just less suffering."
"As someone who has..."
"As someone who has stage 4 cancer, I am in favor of having the right to die gracefully."
"If it's good enough..."
"If it's good enough for my dog then it's good enough for me."
It's truly as simple as that. We'd be doing so many human beings a favor.
"If you're not legally allowed..."
"If you're not allowed to legally arrange the end of your own life, is it actually your own life?"
"It was such a blessing..."
"My grandpa had a medically assisted death in 2019. It was such a blessing to my family as we were able to say goodbye, and knew how much time we had left.
Also it was relief from great pain for him, and I'm so glad he was able to make that choice peacefully.
Will forever advocate for it."
It's truly shocking that euthanasia is illegal in many countries––and that it can even carry a jail sentence. It is a complicated issue that polarizes many people from different walks of life.
Where do you stand on this issue? Feel free to tell us in the comments below!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Privilege is discussed quite a bit these days, and for good reason. So many people are able to live life longer, more peacefully, and freely than others thanks to factors they had no control over.
And yet, there is an element of popularity among the privileges discussed. People acknowledge their race, class, gender identity, sexual orientation, and citizenship status a lot.
That makes sense. Those are massively significant social realities that we need to grapple with constantly.
But there are some other privileges that we don't always think about. There are some things even more basic that not everybody gets to enjoy.
Observing them can make us all feel a bit more grateful.
Redditor Mburns15 asked:
"What is something most people don't realize is a privilege?"
Many called attention to the fact that the physical ability to interact with a majority of public infrastructure isn't a sure thing.
Always Calling Ahead
"Spontaneity in your daily plans. If you're a wheelchair user that's virtually impossible."
"So few places have accessible restrooms, some public transport needs contact 24 hours in advance in order to accommodate you, the list goes on."
"I envy people who can just go with the flow."
"Being able-bodied. So many people are one accident away from being unemployed and don't realize that. Your job will ruin your body - be aware and fight it."
A Silent Struggle
"Not having chronic pain" -- Aggravating_Okra_00
"Having energy to do what you want with your life. Trying to explain to people how exhausting and draining chronic pain can be. Having to explain the concept of energy budgets to people - sure I could come out and do $funthing with you, but then I wouldn't have the energy to cook and clean the house and would be useless at work tomorrow." -- Fraerie
Others chose to point out the very basic necessities that are far from ensured across the world.
To Be Comfortable
"Feeling safe in your own home. Not worrying about rats, mice, roaches, bed bugs, bricks being thrown through windows, violence outside, break ins."
"Privacy. I don't mean digital privacy, I mean a room with solid walls and a door that closes. Lots of people don't have that."
"Having access to water and a sewage system. Also the abundance of food in western super markets is quite frankly insane. Every day I try and spend a moment to reflect on how lucky I am."
"Sanitary products for women! It's different in different parts of the world + economic backgrounds"
And finally, a few people from countries around the world discussed the unique, intense struggles of living in a place that isn't embedded in the affluence of the Western world.
"Going about your daily life without seriously worrying about your physical safety. Sleeping at night without worrying about whether a bomb is going to come through your roof."
Not a Given
"Having the ability to express an opinion. Free speech is very censored in a lot of the world." -- BananaLCG
"Criticizing your own government." -- ipf000
The Ability to Think About Other Things
"Living in a good country, not having to spend your youth worrying about how to immigrate to good countries."
But before you think of this list as a big long guilt trip, imagine a more positive spin on this. There are so many things to feel grateful for, even when it seems like everything is working against you.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
The law is a fickle mistress, and it varies from state to state and county to county sometimes. And then there is the blatant hypocrisy of it all.
There are some things that feel like they should be allowed to pass but you get scolded for, like jaywalking, and then there are things like actual robbery in broad daylight, like telemarketers and nothing happens to them.
Make it make sense. It's like taxes, the wealthy know loopholes and the poor go to jail. Shameful.
Redditor u/Xanduh wanted everyone to chat about legal life fails by asking:
What do you wish was illegal?
I try my best to follow the law. And Lord knows how well I'm doing. There are so many obscure laws for ridiculous things, yet, scamming people of their life savings is a free pass. I'm confused... apparently, so are many others...
Save a Lifedrag race drugs GIFGiphy
"Hiking up prices of life saving medications. (Insulin, epi-pens, etc.)".
The Hands of Time
"Advertisement like "anti-aging" is absolutely preposterous."
"I would love to see a massive class action lawsuit against any skincare that proposes "anti-aging". Watch a judge rule in the plaintiff's favor citing that the products did not actually turn back time."
"Your credit score goes down because you cancelled a credit card."
"You want to have multiple lines of credit that you're responsible with, preferably for a long period of time, because it proves you're a reliable borrower. If you have no debt, it's almost like you've not established credit at all. Your score goes up the more lines of credit you have. It's bonkers. Someone more financially literate than me could probably explain better, though."
The DevilKate Mckinnon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
"Hi, I'm X. We're trying to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty."
I'm at the end of my tether with these car warranty calls. I swear to God... nevermind. And advertisements needs to be more regulated. That is a start at better fixing justice.
Extra $$$Happy Credit Card GIF by HollyoaksGiphy
"Convenience fees for online ticket purchases. Why am I getting charged for saving on paper, ink, and everyone's time?"
"Companies making it really difficult to cancel things. Especially subscriptions. I think the process to subscribe to something to should be exactly the same as the process to cancel it. I'm looking at you spotify."
"Gyms in general. before they started popping up everywhere I was a member at LA fitness."
"Well I moved 2hrs away from the closest one and they wanted me to come in person to cancel, then they wanted me to send in a damn letter. I can signup online, why can't I cancel online?"
No muss, no fuss.
"Printer ink being ridiculously expensive for no reason."
"Buy a laser printer. Here's my oft-told tale of woe: School got out so my kids no longer had homework to print. A month or so later we needed to print a document. Our Kodak injket printer not only refused to print but said we needed to buy a new ($90) print head because the old one had gummed up, because we'd gone too long without printing."
"I went to the local office supply store and bought a Brother laser printer. It scans, it copies, it uses wifi, and most importantly it just works.About twice a year when we need to print something I go and get it out of my garage and bring it into the house, set it on the kitchen counter, plug it in, and print to it."
"It works great - even remembers my wifi settings (SSID and password) from the previous time. No muss, no fuss. If I really want to print something in color I'll use Kinkos. Turns out I literally never need to print in color."
"Using children to monetize your social media channels."
Bot ThievesTheatre GIF by StubHubGiphy
"Bots buying tickets and up-charging the crap out of the price."
Those ticket thieves need to be taken down. No Broadway show is worth $1000! Don't fall for it kids. That mess needs to be cleaned up. There is actual crime happening to the naked eye. Let's focus there.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
While the world is a dark and scary place, there would not be a world, or a human race, without inherent kindness.
Kindness always gives you a little thump to your heart that nothing else can truly provide. A rush of knowing you've made someone's day better. And you may change the trajectory of that person's life because of it.
To hear more of these kindnesses, for inspiration, Redditor slizsarbleh asked:
"What is something you've done purely out of the goodness of your heart, but have never told anyone?"
Here were some of those stories.
One Grieving Heart To Another
"I lost my mom earlier this year and am still working through the grief. The first week a came back my coworkers had gave me a check for several hundred dollars as a kind gesture. I was truly overwhelmed by the generosity."
"The following week I came into the break room to find one of the techs with a lost look on her face. She had just gotten a phone call that her brother had been murdered the night before."
"She had moved to our city just a year prior and didn't have any family close by. As I held her and listened to her cry, I booked her a flight home."
"It was several hundred dollars as she is from a small town and the flight was for later that day. I told her to go be with family and let me know when she was ready to come back. I had no doubt that is exactly what my mom would have wanted me to do."-thatgirlmocha
Taking It For The Team
"I was extremely stressed and took a mental health day, planning on going to mom's and crying myself to sleep. We ended up going to the mall, and even though money was really tight for her, she wanted to buy me lunch (we split the bill)."
"She realized that she lost a newer $50 bill while walking around. She was devastated."
"I traded my smaller bills to a cashier for a newer $50, folded it like she would, and tossed it under the seat of her car. The next day she called me, almost crying because she was excited to find it and said that without it, groceries would've been pretty tight that week."
"Taking me out that day prevented me from having a full breakdown. I think $50 was a small price to pay for what she did for me that day."-SleepsLikeACat
Services For The Poor
"I do IT work, usually small business and a lot of home repair. I have many wealthy clients and a few not so fortunate. It is not unusual for me to go to a home and it is obvious they are barely scraping by."
"So I either don't charge those people, or make it a nominal fee. I also refurb the old PC's and give them to people who have one that is not repairable."
"My best fee ever was a basket of home grown creole tomatoes, damn those things are delicious."-Disposable70
It really does cost nothing to be kind.
Just A Game, But More Than Just A Game
"This isn't as impressive as the comments I've read but this is just something I did recently."
"I'm a member of a Sims group on FB where people talk about the game, expansion packs etc. I noticed a comment by a teenager who said her favourite pack would be Pets but she can't afford it."
"I went onto her page and saw that she really loved horses. I could also tell from her pictures that her mum was disabled and money looked tight."
"I was fortunate enough when I was her age to always get the packs on the release dates and I used The Sims as a wind down from revising and school."
"I thought that this girl needed the escapism way more than I ever did so I bought every expansion pack, messaged her the activation codes, a link to a YouTube video on how to use them, and a short message saying I hope you enjoy playing and to keep smiling."
"I really do wish her the very best."-MariaOSullivan
Saving And Changing Lives
"Bought insulin for the child of a lady in front of me at the pharmacy. The woman (single mom) was in tears & didn't have the $200 copay for that month."
"I gave her my number & told her to call me within the next few days. That was a few years ago. She now manages the office at my practice, makes enough $ for anything she needs/wants, & is one of my closest friends."
"And now she has excellent insurance for herself & her son! Be kind—it can literally change lives! <3"-EJX713
A Simple Blanket
"There's a semi-secluded bus stop beside a store I used to work at, and a homeless guy started sleeping there on the bench halfway between the stop and the parking lot one winter."
"One day I got to work 15 mins early and saw him sleeping, wearing just a flannel and jeans. So I ram into the store, bought a blanket, and covered him up with it."
"He never woke up so he didn't know it was me. Every time I saw him sitting on the bench he had the blanket wrapped around him."-SeleneSlayer
Even In The Face Of A Feud
"I have an ongoing silent feud with one branch of my family (my dad's cousins and their kids, my second cousins), and we haven't spoken or really seen each other in over 10 years."
"I've pretty much written them off, and I don't really care if we live out the rest of our lives without patching things up."
"Two months ago, one of my cousins from that branch unexpectedly died at the age of 38. Their immediate family had always had financial troubles."
"So while I didn't fly across the country to attend the funeral, I quietly sent my sister a bunch of money and instructed her to pretend it was hers and pay off part of their funeral expenses."
"And then just last week, some of my other relatives started a GoFundMe for one of my aunts in that branch (she's my dad's oldest cousin)."
"She has Stage IV cervical cancer and wants to leave the hospital to pass away at home surrounded by her loved ones, but the hospital won't release her until her medical bills are paid in full (this is in another country)."
"I haven't told my dad or anyone else in the family, but I anonymously donated my last paycheck plus the money I had been saving for my upcoming birthday trip."
"I don't really consider it out of the goodness of my heart, though. It's just that the thought of an elderly, terminally ill person dying alone somewhere that isn't home eats away at me so much that I physically couldn't sit by and do nothing."-OrifielM
And these gestures are the kind where the kindness is its own reward.
To Instill Hope
"A lady was fleeing an abusive marriage without much more than her kids and the clothes on her back. Word went out within a whisper network requesting a few essentials she needed."
"Packed up several things from the request list and also one thing that wasn't requested. I make jewelry as a hobby. Put a pair of handmade earrings into a gift bag: silver and pearls."
"Added a handwritten note that every woman deserves something beautiful and sending good wishes her way."-doublestitch
"At the beginning of the pandemic, I was volunteering at a local pizza shop to distribute slices to kids who otherwise couldn't get fed because the schools were shutdown."
"There was a woman with 3 kids that came by every few days to get slices. Turns out the father had died unexpectedly right before the pandemic started and they lost their house because of the slumlord they were renting from."
"The mother lost her job because she had no one to watch the kids. They were living in their minivan and things were bad for them."
"They were so nice and grateful, but ashamed when they'd come by to get slices that I genuinely felt for them. I had lost my job and got a pretty decent windfall of 2 months worth of unemployment and the CARES Act at once."
"My landlord had a few properties open and is a close friend, so I got in touch with him and we worked out me paying their security deposit and the first 2 months of rent and he'd cover their utilities."
"I gave her his number and said he might be able to help and they moved in the next day. They've been there ever since and are doing extremely well now."-eyexxiii
A Little Birthday Surprise
"I was in my art class in high school and there was a girl who I didn't really know a few grades younger. I could tell she didn't have many friends but was really sweet."
"She was talking to me one day and told me her birthday was soon and that she was so excited. I decided to send her those balloons and whatnot you can get through the student store on her birthday, though she didn't know me very well so I didn't sign my name."
"It just so happened that the student store worker brought them in during our art class and I got to see her reaction. She lit up and kept telling us it had to have been her mom or her best friend who did it, and how she couldn't believe that someone got her something and she wouldn't stop smiling the whole rest of class."
"I never told her it was me, I was just happy she felt special. That was a pretty good day."-Rbbbb30
Humans, above all else, have the capacity to be unendingly kind. Despite all the darkness in the world, it is these little moments of light that define us as a species.
Hopefully this has given you some faith in humans today.