Typically, when we think of the relationship between a grandma and her grandson it's a doting and affectionate sort of thing. We think of it as some unbreakable and love-filled bond. Sometimes, though... it's just not. One young man's grandmother has pretty much shunned him when he stood up for his mom and asked Grandma to stop picking on her. Grandma didn't like that much and decided she'd rather block him on social media and pretend he doesn't exist, instead.
Here's his original post:
My (23m) grandma (68f) is mad that I asked her to not disrespect my mother on social media.
"I went home for Christmas to see my family, and spend time with them. My parents are divorced and have been for probably 6 years now. My father is remarried. My grandma (My dad's mom) shared something on Facebook and tagged my dad. This quote said "Sometimes true love comes after mistakes you've made." My grandma and my aunt from my dads side have constantly shared little "stabs" over the years towards my mom and I had enough of it this year. The divorce is long over, and those two are the only ones still holding onto it.
She had texted me the morning after our family Christmas party and asked me why my brother didn't go (he didn't because he said he felt uncomfortable with all of the judgement from the couple of people I've mentioned earlier). I was being honest and politely told her that my brother and I feel uncomfortable due to these posts, and they effect us too. I told her my parents relationship wasn't a mistake, and that it was life lessons and experiences. (It wasn't, they were together almost 20 years, and had a very happy relationship up until the last couple of years.) My grandma is also divorced and remarried too, so I mentioned that her marriage wasn't a mistake, and was just life lessons and experiences as well. I politely said if she dislikes my mom, to keep it to herself, because we still have a lot of intermingled family friends, and cousins that still communicate with both sides, so the word gets around. (Again, it's only my aunt and grandma that are still sharing this stuff) she then turns around and blocks me on all social media, says that she's so hurt that I'd say something like that and that she wants a few days to "process" what I said and she'll let me know how she feels. She's a professional victim player.
I let me dad know so he didn't think I was harassing her, and he believes me, and even said that she gets upset over the stupidest things.
I just have no clue where I should go from here. Do I just let it be? Do I talk to her? I'm so annoyed, frustrated, etc..."
People are stunned at how petty this has gotten, and they're not shy about saying so. Check out some of the most popular responses:
She Did It For You
I think she made the decision for you by blocking you. I do not think that you are in the wrong; she is doing what she does to turn you and everyone else against your mom. She is more concerned with her belittling than she is with your feelings.
Drop The Rope
Block her and move on. If she's toxic and hurtful towards your mother and is a professional victim player, it sounds like she does dramatic shit all the time. She can live with the consequences of being hateful and shit.
I disagree with everyone who says you should have just ignored it. It was an obvious insult and it sounds like she has a history of making these against your MOTHER. If you decide you don't want to have a relationship with someone who is hateful to 1 of your 2 parents (whom you have a good loving relationship with) then that is YOUR choice and you cannot be shamed or judged for that choice.
Don't give into her drama. Just drop the rope. Don't apologize or forgive or justify.
Waiting
GiphyYour grandmother is waiting for you to succumb to her manipulation and ask her for forgiveness. However, that would just reinforce her behavior. You were right to stand up for your mom. I think you should just let your grandmother pout and not reinforce her bad behavior.
Maturity Is Not An Age Thing
You did the right thing, and sound waaaaay more mature and wise than a passive aggressive 68 year-old woman who posts memes on Facebook for the purpose of riling people up. Block, ignore, delete, this toxic woman from your social media and your life.
Also, good for you, for standing up for your mom. Trust me, you will not miss grandma's drama.
How To Spin It
You're changed roles on her, as you are now acting as the mature healthy adult, while she is the gossipy child. You bet she's banished you and is planning on how to respond, she doesn't quite know how to spin "my granddaughter is demanding I stop being mean and petty."
Keep being the emotionally mature adult here. Sometimes, just the knowledge that you are taking the high road is the best.
Reasoning With The Unreasonable
You can't reason with someone who's unreasonable. She's never going to admit she's wrong. You embarrassed her by being the mature one and calling her out (rightly) on her bullshit. You were polite about it, and you weren't wrong. She's just too immature and unreasonable to ever admit that.
I personally wouldn't talk to her until she apologizes for her unwarranted reaction and agrees to keep her digs about your mother to herself. If you do, she'll make a big show of "forgiving" you and play the victim and frankly I wouldn't be willing to put up with that shit. Don't let her drag you into her "poor me" drama. Or your aunt because it sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree. When they can act like grownups, then they can talk to you/see you. Until then, I would refuse to engage. Because it's just going to be them trying to drag you into the drama and playing the victim. If they try to sell their sob story to the rest of the family, don't acknowledge it or justify. Don't play their game. It's childish and I'm sure you've got way better things to do with your time and energy.
You should be proud of yourself for being mature and respectful but still unwilling to put up with the bullsh*t. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders.
She did you a favor by blocking you. I'd return it by blocking her back. When she unblocks you (and you KNOW she will, that's how she will keep the drama going), you're going to have to see her whining about how she's a sad little grandma with such a mean grandchild. For me that would be a hard pass.
- doolinda
Like Training A Dog
I think you should defend your mother and set boundaries with your grandmother.
life is too short and precious to cut people out of your life though. I would give her space for a while since she is acting immature and angry. Make this a clear and unquestionable boundary. Be consistent in your responses when it comes to this. I would still call or briefly stop by to wish her happy new year, birthday, etc. and the moment she disrespects your mom then leave or cut your call short.
She'll stop bringing up your mom if she wants to see you more or speak with you more.
Elsa
GiphyLet her go!
Let her go!
Don't hold it back any more.
Let her go!
Let her go!
Turn away and slam the door!
All You Need To Know
Your grandmother cares more about being able to continually mock the mother of her grandchildren then the feelings of her grandchildren. Says pretty much all you need to know about this situation.
So Many Mistakes
Wow! So does that mean you and your siblings are a result birthed of that mistake?! Was your father a "mistake" from her previous marriage too? You handled that so well, very reasonable and an adult thing to do and she should be ashamed of herself. Good on your brother for making boundaries to protect any distress he gets from them insulting your own flesh and blood! If she does decide to get in touch down the track, ask her what does she get out of belittling your mother? What emotions does it bring up for her when she feels she needs to bring your mother down?
Save Your Receipts
Save a screenshot of the text conversation between you and your grandmother. If any family members contacts you regarding you treatment towards her, reply with the screenshot. Sadly it sounds like grandma either found a hill to die on or she'll have to eat crow for the new year.
Thank You
She's a narcissist throwing a temper tantrum because she got checked for her horrible behavior. Stand firm and let her stop kicking and screaming on the floor, and when she's ready to act like an adult and talk to you then you can respond.
On behalf of all victims of narcs everywhere: thank you for standing up for your mom.
A Full-Blown Dramatic Apology
You were the adult one in this. Sad to lose someone relatives over stuff like this, but they could've been mature about this and kept it to themselves, or at least taken you letting them know, better. I would let it be. My experience is that when people react in this way, they'll only accept a full-blown dramatic apology, and that doesn't seem appropriate in this situation.
- M_Nerd
The Mirror
Leave it alone. No offence but she's disrespectful as fuck and not at all worth chasing after to "apologize". She hurt you and your mum and all you did was show her a mirror.
Let her process it in peace. She'll come running back or she won't and that doesn't sound like a loss.
- annshine
Let It Be
Where do you go from here? Just let it be. You expressed your feelings in a mature manner and its up to her to deal with that in her own way. She has already 'processed' it by blocking you on social media - an action which no doubt she has done to provoke an emotional response out of you. By blocking you she has made the situation far worse for herself and she probably thinks it will force you into giving her an unnecessary apology. Ignore it and move on. Don't rise to her attempt at emotional manipulation. As you say, she's playing the victim here.
Besides, she's 'hurt' that you would call her out? I'd be hurt by her calling your parents relationship a mistake as, by association, that makes you and your brother 'mistakes' too. You did right by your family and you asserted your feelings on the issue. You should be proud of yourself.
Double Down Like KFC
GiphyDouble down because you are right. Block her and say the same thing she said to you to anybody who asks why. Verbatim. It's the only way to beat a narcissist. They want the attention to be about them - so give them absolutely none. She may cut you off, but that's better than apologizing, or giving in as your dad has done. If you cut her off she will never admit it, but it will sting her for the rest of her life someone stood up to her.
Step Mom To The Rescue
I dealt with this for much of my life because my parents got a divorce when I was only 3.
It was my step mom of all people who had to put my dad's family in their place. I was overhearing (once again) shit talking about my mother in the other room and I remember hearing my step mom call them out. It made me so happy.
I know that story didn't give you any advice but basically, I just want you to know that I understand how hurtful words about your mother can be. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. I'm sure your grandma will come around soon enough ❤️ maybe your dad should have a conversation with her.
I don't believe you should throw away your grandma for life, though! I feel that scenarios like this are common in divorced families but it does not mean it cannot be moved past. My grandma, for example, has not bad mouthed my mom (to my knowledge) in years. I would certainly give her another chance after she hopefully apologizes.
Selfish
No offense, but your grandma is a selfish bit*h. You told her she's been hurting your feelings and disrespecting your mom and she's the one who gets to be hurt? How? That absolutely proves she's a selfish b. F*ck her, you don't need her. You didn't do anything wrong. You did everything very well that even your dad thinks you did fine. Nothing is on you, she's losing two grandkids because she's a dumb drama queen.
Her And Her Toxic Attitude
I understand that you don't want your grandma to be upset with you, and that you were hoping she could have just had an adult conversation about it and then move forward. I'm sorry that it didn't work out that way. However, you did the right thing, and you chose to be honest with her about the feelings you and your brother have been experiencing. That takes some courage, because it can definitely be easier to keep your head down and not rock the boat. It sounds like this has been building up for awhile now. She's ruining her relationship with her grandchildren, and you tried to explain this to her. If she refuses to see how hurtful and damaging her behavior is to you and your brother , then it's only her fault when you guys ultimately decide you want to distance yourselves from her and her toxic attitude.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.