Sitting on your porcelain throne is a sacred moment, and there's a reason why bathrooms have a lock on the door.
In one specific case, the lock served no purpose and it had nothing to do with preventing someone from accidentally opening the portal to a world of embarrassment.
After getting caught with his pants (and underwear) down as a result of an intruder, a shell-shocked Reddit user survived to tell his story on the TIFU (Today I F****d Up) thread – a community in which people share stories about "moments where we do something ridiculously stupid."
He was trying to get out of the bathroom before flushing and you would have too.
Let Redditor "jellyjack" set the scene.
"This happened on Friday, and I'm just now able to relive it without experiencing Tourette-like outbursts of random noises and profanity from my extreme discomfort from the embarrassment."
Meet Jen, the neighbor whom the protagonist barely knows.
"I'm sitting on the toilet in the downstairs bathroom (which is right by the front door of our house), I have the door mostly closed, but it's not latched. Doorbell rings, my wife answers it, it's her friend Jen."
"Jen comes in the house. I should mention that Jen is a friend/neighbor we've known for just under a year and I don't really know her that well, which, for me, makes this worse."
Meet the third character in the hair-raising one-act making a grand entrance.
"I'm just finishing up, getting ready to wipe. I pull on the first piece of toilet paper, and as the toilet paper unrolls this big, and very fast spider comes running from behind the roll, brushing against my hand."
The encounter alone is traumatizing at such a vulnerable moment, but it didn't end there.
"Instinctively, I jump up and away from this spider, as I do this, the door to the bathroom opens, there's Jen, we both scream, me because my fight or flight (in this case flight) response automatically kicks in from my lizard brain thinking I'm getting attacked by this spider, and Jen seeing her friend's husband with his pants and underwear down between his legs leaping toward her screaming."
It seems the accidental flasher gave new meaning to the word "streaker."
Life resumed once the dust settled, but he's still losing sleep over the boo! during his number two.
"A lot of apologies and light uncomfortable laughter afterwards, and I haven't slept well since."
While many sympathized over the arachnid's visit, one user was more concerned over one thing in particular.
"Oh man, that's a tough one to recover from. Was it at its smallest?" – jayeffoh
"Oh yeah, plus it was cold in the morning. You're making me shudder again with the memory." – jellyjack
Umm, we would rather not think about this detail, but there you go.
"Is nobody going to mention that all this occurred while you were still unwiped?" – Nougat
"Sadly (or weirdly) that's all I could imagine is just that feeling of being unwiped ugh. Though I'm also deathly afraid of spiders so that, the spider, the stranger, and my self-consciousness about my body...boy it'd be a real battle of emotions." – ColoneISanders
Are you aware of this established rule?
"For future reference, restrooms that are the main floor of the house especially near the front door (my house also has a half bath next to the front door) should be used for #1's only. All #2's should be done in a more private bathroom." – Av3ng3d0wnt
"I've always been a bathroom door locker. What's with the door open poops?" – PigeonFace
"When it's just me and my wife, neither one of us locks the door, been like that since our college days." – jellyjack
"If you ever are home alone try pooping with the bathroom door all the way open. It's a glorious feeling for some reason." – BringBackOldReddif
So what prompted Jen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time?
"Why was she coming into the bathroom? Because of your scream?" – Merbel
"I didn't ask, but I'm assuming she was coming in to use the bathroom or wash her hands or something. Her or my wife didn't know I was in there. After the incident, she didn't end up using the bathroom." – jellyjack
So what happened to the spider?
"Did you neutralize the threat though?" – Mash_Ketchum
"I couldn't find it afterwards. Fell in my magazine basket, then after I finished up, I couldn't find it again." – jellyjack
One takeaway from the spider caper is:
"Stories like this are why I close and latch the bathroom door even when home alone." – ShinePDX
They say the spider is usually the one that is scared in these encounters, but the character more likely to be scarred for life in this scenario is a tossup.
If you want to play a little prank on your significant other, you can get 100 pack of fake spiders here. Who knows what will happen if you scatter them around the house?
In fact, some mistakes are so astronomical that they're remembered for decades afterwards, leaving the one who made the mistake a legacy of being a dumba**. Here are a few of them!!!
U/ronjans24 asked: What was the biggest mistake in human history?
Some may argue that the existence of the Universe was a mistake. I disagree. It was clearly Zayn leaving One Direction. But these next few were pretty bad too.
If you do the math, this is also the reason why Hentai exists.
I'll say the wrong turn Franz Ferdinand's driver made that went right in front of Gavrilo Princip.
EDIT: yes I'm aware war may still have broken out even if Franz Ferdinand wasn't assassinated
Imagine you're Gavrilo Princip. The assassination plot you and your friends had been cooking up for about the last year or so has been a complete and total disaster, just a monumental f*ck-up of the highest degree. You're staked out at this deli thinking maybe, just maybe the car will pass by, and by some stroke of sheer luck, it does.
If you're Princip, this is nothing short of serendipity.
Petition to return to the ocean.
Ocean Surf GIFGiphy"Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams
This was, in fact, a monumental mistake.
Sears not beating Amazon to the punch.
Blockbuster not buying Netflix.
You thought THOSE were bad? Well gear up for their next few, because they are 100% accurate. Except the one about Cats, that movie slaps.
I don’t know sports, but sure.
Seahawks not running it.
I used to wear a Seahawks jersey whenever I took a test because I knew I would pass when I shouldn't.
CATS is great, y'all are just boring.
GiphyThe Emoji Movie.
That live action movie about Cats is also up there.
Very fair point.
Social Media.
Humans are not wired to have that many social interactions and maintain that many relationships. Plus the echochambers it allows people to create for themselves, no matter how conspiratorial or vile their beliefs, means that stupid/evil people are no longer shunned into changing their mind.
Not sure it was worth being able to see what a celebrity had for lunch or what new "dance" your younger cousin and her tween friends are doing.
But in all seriousness, some horrible things may now have happened if the right thing was halted at the right time.
Washington called it.
George Washington Disney GIF by Hamilton: An American MusicalGiphyVoting for people based on what side of the political spectrum they're on. George Washington himself advised against political parties because he thought they would cause too much division in this country. Unfortunately for everyone, he was right.
Big oops on that one.
Barack Obama mocking Donald Trump at the Correspondents Dinner might have led directly to his 2016 run....
"Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald," Obama said. "And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter — like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?"
Then he turned serious: "But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. For example — no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of 'Celebrity Apprentice' — at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around. But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled."
This is the best Star Wars and no one can change my mind.
I'll take 'Star Wars Christmas Special' for $100.
That atrocious pile of manure gave us Boba Fett, so without the Christmas Special there won't be The Mandalorian.
Wow, in this article, I openly admitted my love for Cats AND The Star Wars Holiday Special. So maybe my existence was the biggest mistake of all.
ANYWAY, I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you all feel a little bit better about yourself. Because when push comes to shove, at least you didn't accidentally start World War I