Calm People Reveal The One Time They Absolutely Lost Their Mind And Popped Off
Sometimes one can only take so much.
We're all merely wandering around as ticking time bombs. We hold in our emotions and revel in repression. We are powder kegs in a flesh bag.
It's only a matter of time before we reach that moment when we can no longer take it and we have to explode.
And baby... y'all better run and hide when you see those signs!
Redditor a-light-at-the-end wondered what were people's last straws by asking:
"Generally calm people of Reddit, what made you lose your absolute sh*t that time?"
Cut out the toxic people...
It's always felt like my parents never wanted me. I was a surprise Honeymoon baby born 9 months and a day after their wedding, I was regularly screamed at for anything I did until I just started hiding, I was called "the practice child" my whole life, my younger siblings got way more love and attention, etc. In my teens they started taking in "strays." If any neighborhood kids didn't want to go home, they could just be at our house all the time. Effectively, my mother would take my friends away from me to be HER friends instead. One of which was a kid who picked on me constantly from the time I was 11. I guess they had that in common.
That guy was kicked out of his Dad's house AND his mom's house when he was 20, so my parents took him in permanently. That killed me. But I always wanted their approval, so I was always calm and agreeable, always desperately trying to figure out how to get them to love me, so I went along with it. Years later, I'm married and have a son. This guy still lives with my parents. They continue to coddle and make excuses for him while criticizing me for whatever they feel like. One day, we're all at my parents house and my son is being a goofy 2-year-old, which annoys the man-child living there. So he gets furious, picks my son up by his ankle and spanks him.
My parents claimed not to have seen it. We went home.
I couldn't sleep that night because I was so upset. The next morning, I made sure the guy and my mom would be at home (and why wouldn't he be there) and I went to confront them with my wife. I dumped everything I had been putting up with on them for about an hour, including asking how my mom could allow this jerk to hit my son. She maintained that it didn't happen, so I went through the roof. I ended up crying because of all the pent-up emotion, so my fantastic wife took over. She said we wouldn't be coming back if the guy still lived there, so he yelled that he would move out and he stormed off after saying he didn't have to listen to this. My parents convinced him not to move out shortly after we left. My mother expressed how disappointed she was that I didn't come "to have a conversation," and only came to "dump" on them. THAT was her big takeaway from everything I said. That I wasn't being "fair" to them.
We went to counseling with them later. For months. It validated everything I had felt, but they never stopped lying and being defensive. One counselor said we should be on Dr. Phil. The other counselor said my mom is "incapable of empathy." Both counselors called my parents delusional. But of course my parents didn't take any of that seriously. At one point my dad asked me "Who does he think he is to judge us like that?" As if he forgot that THAT'S THEIR JOB.
Haven't spoken with them in almost a year, and life is so much better. appleappleappleman
Nobody likes you bro.
My brother and I played travel sports for a few seasons as kids. One trip, I was at the pool with some of his teammates messing around in the water and the coach's kid was being a butt as usual. My brother was one of the smaller kids on his team so the coach's son would mess with him a lot. Most of the kids on my brother's team disliked him but didn't speak up so they wouldn't be next. He thought it would be funny to pick up my brothers drink right in front of him and spit into it.
My dad taught me from a young age not to let anyone mess with my brother or sister, so I got seriously pissed. I took a good running start and shoulder checked him into the pool. Since he had just gotten there, he hadn't taken his clothes off yet and cried because his phone and iPod got ruined. He literally ran out yelling, "I'm telling my dad!"
Well that backfired, because everyone stuck up for my brother and the coach was not happy to find out what a s***bird his son was being so he was the only one to get in any trouble. MikeOxbigg
I'll head to unemployment!
My grandfather passed away so I told my boss that I had to take a couple of days off to be with my family. He had the nerve to tell me work was more important than family and threatened to fire me. I went off on him in the middle of the office for a solid 5 minutes before quitting and rushing home. UnPhayzable
This lady came to the shelter to see the cats. She ask if she could give them treats and I said yes. It's a shelter were most of the cats are free. So gets the bag out, the cats are getting wild with anticipation and she just stood there laughing and tempting them without giving them anything. She looked like she enjoyed their anxiety and her laugh sounded like a crazy person.
I lost it, grabbed the bag out of her hands, gave treats to the cats and ask her to leave. Those cats are already stressed out, don't give them more anxiety. sonia72quebec
I'm the Doctor!
I lost my mind when my patient got her pre-authorization for surgery for a large grapefruit sized pelvic mass denied by BCBS and when I did a peer-to-peer, the doctor working for the insurance company said I needed to have a psychiatrist rule out mental causes of her pain first. I had to walk away for 30 minutes before seeing another patient because had anyone given me any more lip I might have gotten violent. wastedkarma
This is a set-up!
I lost my mind when I was late for work because my colleague asked me to cover their shift and gave me the wrong time and it was my fault from the company's perspective. amiathrowawayornot
We got you Jules!
Story about my neighbor (calm to the point where he didn't even flinch when some idiot pulled a knife on him), he was a senpai (assistant sensei/teacher) at a dojang and was in charge of teaching kids aged 8-16. He absolutely loved his role as a big brother to all these kids and taught them about discipline, restraint and how to think before you act. He basically taught the kids how to think and consider before even contemplating action whilst also teaching them how to break someone in half with a kick (the contradiction always made me laugh).
Anyways, one of his talented students was a little 11 year old sweetheart called Jules. He was fantastic and determined, also a bit shy so my neighbor loved bonding with him and getting him to open up. Unfortunately for Jules however, his parents were bullies and bad people who beat him. This wasn't discovered until Jules came into a session with a significant limp, obviously neighbor isn't happy so he confronts the parents at the end of the session.
The parents responded by saying "We're paying all this money so he can fight, so we thought he would test it." (mind you most of these sessions were entirely free and any fees went towards maintenance and provision of equipment/gear for the kids). Neighbor asks the father if he regularly beats his children and if he himself is a good fighter, the father responds with yes whilst the mother is laughing her butt off in the back.
Neighbor then proceeds to shove the father onto his own car bonnet and starts to rain down axe kicks, now the father has the choice of blocking the kicks and probably shattering his arms or let his bonnet get absolutely caved in. After about 8 or 9 of these neighbor says "You said you can fight, so I thought I would test you." Anyways, the idiots end up calling the police who care way more about Jules being abused than the car, parents eventually lost their kids and Jules lives with his uncle/aunt (they're absolute sweethearts).
7 years on, Jules just got his A-Level results and got into his dream university and my neighbor is going to help him move into accommodation, they're honestly like brothers it's so beautiful.
Thanks for reading, let me know if there are questions. Vinaris
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh MyyyTeachers have heard every excuse in the book from students who were trying to pull a fast one. We all know the classics: 'dog ate my homework,' 'my car burst...
I can remember that day like it was yesterday...
I was home packing my stuff to get ready for when my husband was out of basic training. I NEVER yell or even raise my voice to hardly anyone ever. My dad has always had a wicked temper, and my sister also had a knack for starting yelling matches with him.
One night, she forgot to do something she was supposed to, and the yelling started again. I ignored it up until he called her stupid. It got under my skin so I spoke up a little saying that he shouldn't call her that. He hollered back, "You are MY daughters, I can talk to you however I want!" That's when I snapped.
I saw red for the first time in my life, and I completely lost it. I screamed back at him at how I was tired of him treating us like garbage when he lost his temper, at how we hid in the back room with my mom until he cooled off, and how all I wanted was to visit my family before I had to move over 12 hours away from them. I also threatened that if he EVER wanted to see me again, then he needed to shut up and sit in the corner until he was done throwing a fit.
I yelled at him for the first time in my life for a solid 30 minutes. I didn't stop until everything I had to say built over the years was out, and I saw him go from red-faced angry, to what seemed to be guilt-ridden. When I finally stopped, he was quiet. He didn't say a word and walked away. Shortly after I moved out, he went to a doctor and has been put on some medication to help with his anger issues.
Now he's super friendly, and I haven't heard him throw a tantrum like he used to in over 10 years now. He has never spoken poorly to me or my sister since then either. Srasja
Get out of the club!
This happened in some club ages ago. I was bouncing around on the dance floor with everybody else and apparently stepped on some dudes foot who had been standing there with his posse of 2 or 3 other guys watching people.
I shrugged and apologized, then turned around to leave. Right then "somebody" smacked me in the back of the head. Not hard, but too hard to ignore. I turned around still calm and said something like "Look, I'm gonna walk this way, you guys stay here and nothing more needs to happen."
Turned around again, got smacked in the head again. I was very much pissed off at that point. It didn't help that they looked at me all innocent. I couldn't even tell which one of them did it. So I just stuck my finger in the face of the dude who's foot I allegedly stepped on and recommended he don't do it again. Turned around once more, waiting to get smacked in the head again.
This time they poured a glass of beer in my back. That's when I completely lost my mind. Threw myself around and went straight at the guy. I was in full rage mode, didn't care what happened next as long as that guy suffered. I could tell by the terrified look on his face he realized he had gone too far. His friends never stepped in to help him. After a while people separated us and that was that.
I have no sympathy at all for people who resort to violence for solving their problems but feel no shame for having snapped in that situation. I think I did everything in my power to avoid what eventually happened. McPansen
My friend is bad with math, i was explaining a thing once, it took 10 minutes, he tells me he doesn't get it, so i sit there and explain this thing more deeply, took 30 minutes, he's like: takes in-ear headphones out of ear (he was covering it with his hand) Oh sorry i wasn't listening to You, found this amazing radio recently.
I lost my damn mind. 22dunix
This guy broke all of my markers back in middle school, I told the teacher and got him publicly embarrassed, but it wasn't over. I was holding my trumpet and he kept messing with my hair at a concert and just kept touching me. I've always been known as never being angry, but he did it again in a room without the teacher. I grabbed his leg when he kicked me and lifted it up, throwing him down. He never messed with me after that. Poqqers
Oh Hell Na!!!
A guy kicked my dog. I had never hit anyone before that moment. Almost got charged, but I'd do it again. NCFire94
As a surgeon I try to remain calm and steady about most everything. Even all the staff comments about it about how I'm the most calm surgeon they've ever met.
One time taking out someone's gallbladder, the assistant needs to grab it and hold it up so I can free stuff up. Newer person was helping me and moving a little too fast without seeing where their instrument was going before grabbing the gallbladder. When the camera finds their grasper, they ended up poking a small hole in the liver. I let out an audible sigh and small grumble.
Ended up not bleeding all that much and rest of surgery went fine. One of these days I want to throw instruments like some other people I know just to see how people react. Nysoz
Well it's 5 o'clock somewhere...
I'm a soccer referee, and known for being calm no matter how heated a player/coach/fan gets. About 6 months ago I was officiating a girls U16 game and when a player from team A fouled a player from team B, the B players mom jumped up and said "don't touch my daughter, b***h!"
I threw out the parent and stopped the game for 2 minutes to lecture the entire group of spectators, at one point using the phrase "my job is to babysit your daughters, not some out of shape middle aged mom who's drinking wine out of her coffee cup at 9 in the morning."
Not a peep from the sidelines the rest of the game. hexables
God bless the clarinet...
In 7th grade, I was at an honor band. This guy that was 2 years older kept trying to randomly hug me or pull on my hair or pop my bra strap, so I turned around and smacked him in the face with my clarinet case. hunterkat457
Not MY dog!
Just this week when two pitbulls forced their way under my fence and mauled my dog. I always worried that if stuff went down and I had to act in an emergency I would freeze up. Didn't happen. I called 911 screaming at the dispatcher that they were killing my dog, begging the police to get there. I was pounding on the window screaming at the dogs at the same time. Just pure terror and helplessness. I was sure she was going to die, but instead those dogs are dead and my little pitty is going to recover. After I calmed down, I told one of the officers to apologize to the dispatch lady for me. Spattie
Roses are red...
I had things all set up to play piano with a string quartet for a wedding ceremony in church. The grand piano was up front, near the couple, and the organ in the rear to be used later.
When I entered the church, I found that the florist had placed a large vase of roses on the grand piano, using the sheet music for the string quartet underneath the vase to absorb water.
Rarely do I lose my cool, but I did that time. Members of the string quartet told him in no uncertain terms where he could stick those roses as they tried to salvage their soaked music scores. Back2Bach
It was halloween and I was sitting out front of my house watching my sister take my niece, who was around 4 trick or treating. The people who lived above us (we lived in a maisonette) decided to shoot a firework at them. This is the only time I've lost my mind. Got them inside the house made sure they were alright, sister had only a few non-serious burns on her arm and managed to shield my niece from the explosion. At that point i was just so angry, went up to their door and starting banging on it demanding they come out. They didn't answer so i starting trying to kick the door in. My mum and brother dragged me away and back inside to calm me down. Half an hour later the police arrived because the neighbors had called them about me. Luckily after we explained what had actually happened i didn't get in any trouble. But neither did they. Sorry for it being poorly written I'm not the the best writer. atomicbadgger
Don't be petty!
At the time of this incident, I was a generally quiet, respectful 14-year old girl. My mom had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and she was preparing to embark on a very tough 6 months of treatment. My dad came over for some reason (my parents are divorced) and he lost his temper over something (this was not uncommon). He starts standing over my mom and yelling at her while she is crying on the couch. I'd never gotten involved in this stuff before, but I got right in his face and shouted at him to get out. I escorted him to the door, reminded him that my mom is dealing with way bigger crap than whatever petty thing he's angry about, and slammed the door behind him. Hiciao
Whispous for the win!
In secondary school, a girl sitting next to me kept emptying my pencil case onto the floor and laughing with her friend about it, so I punched her on the top of the head. Sort of like a lever coming down.
She cried and I got detention but that was fine. Looking back, she probably fancied me but you mess with whispous you get the lever-thump.
I'm 30 now but if you empty my pencil case onto the floor I'll still take a detention for a good downward thump.
People With Mental Disorders Explain Which Things They Wish People Better Understood About Them
I have depression. It's not overwhelming, and it's not something that I use to define myself, but it's there, and there are times when it hits me, and it's debilitating.
Not everyone understands why I have depression.
They think that because I have a good life with wonderful friends, a great family, a good job, a nice place to live, and no huge problems I have nothing to be sad about. They don't understand that depression isn't just sadness and that having a good or bad life has little bearing on whether you suffer from depression or not.
Depression isn't the only mental disorder that isn't widely understood. Even the way people with mental disorders feel in general aren't widely understood.
Thanks to one Redditor's great question, Redditors with mental disorders shared what they wish people understood about them.
It all started when Redditor demalejo asked:
"People with mental disorders, what would you like people to understand better about your condition?"
"It's tiring. I'm tired all the time. The amount of effort I have to put into being a functional adult is exhausting. Everything is difficult. Nothing is easy or simple. I'm just so so so tired."
"Yo. Right there with you. Living is exhausting. The weight of it just seems heavier and heavier each day. State of the world is NOT helping."
Don't Worry, Be Happy
"Extreme existential anxiety. People say, "Well, you can't change anything, anyway, so why worry?" ...THAT'S WHY I'M WORRIED! IF I COULD CHANGE IT THEN I WOULD JUST DO THAT!"
"I'm much better now, but good Lord."
"This. Having debilitating anxiety is so f**king tiring. Every time I stop to think about it, I’m just hit with this wave of “wow imagine what I could do if 70% of my energy wasn’t going towards overthinking, panicking, and stressing.”"
Take "Quirk" Out Of Your Vocabulary
"OCD isn't a quirk and you wanting your counters nice and neat isn't a symptom. Constant thoughts that I can't stop and cause a lot of distress are the problem. My house is a dang mess and I really don't care. But needing to say goodnight to my pets in a certain order because they might die if I don't is an issue. Also having distressing and disturbing thoughts that pop up randomly such as sexual, violent, or grotesque thoughts that are not my thoughts and don't align with my beliefs or values. It's not quirky. The only thing relatively quirky is when I twitch or shake my head to erase the thought like an etch a sketch"
Not Always As Bad As It Sounds
"My official (along with half a dozen other diags) is "Bipolar II, mixed, with psychotic behavior" which made me super uncomfortable at first because, you know... connotation everyone has with the term psychotic. It took me some time to accept that particular part."
"Sometimes they get really bad, but 90% of the time my hallucinations and delusions are pretty mild to the point it took me ages to figure out that's what was going on. Mostly visual and auditory, occasionally other things. For visual, I see things move that don't or aren't there, especially shadows. For the auditory it's usually more muffled like if someone was having a conversation in the other room or left a TV or radio on. TV on in the same room I'm in helps drown out the noises and gives enough of a visual distraction to help.The delusions I can usually recognize on some level that's what they are, but going through them is awful because I can't logic my way out of them and convince myself that's all they are. This awful cycle of "this seems farfetched, it's probably a delusion... but what if it's not? But it doesn't make sense and here's why.... but what if it actually makes PERFECT sense?? Here's everything that backs up this being absolutely 100% real and here's everything that proves what you're saying to disprove it is wrong." Just have to ride them out."
"Medication, nearly two decades of therapy, and a whole massive toolbox of coping mechanisms and I'm okay more often than not. Though it has gotten bad enough in the past to have a rough crisis plan. Figure it's better to plan for a worst case scenario and give trusted people an idea of "this means it's getting bad" and steps I'd like them to take if I can't recognize I'm at that point."
"Another thing I wish people understood about bipolar is it's not really an instant switch in mood but longer term episodes of extreme highs and lows. And that the highs and lows look different than what most people imagine, too, particularly the high/manic episodes. I think depressive episodes are pretty obvious to most people nowadays. But manic is not just lots of energy and feel-good happytimes. It can be incredibly destructive and even dangerous."
Look It Up
"The difference between “psychosis” and “psychopath.” I see and hear things that aren’t there. I don’t have daydreams about putting you in a microwave. Learn the difference."
It's Not About Focus
"The ADHD brain is physically and chemically different than a "neurotypical" brain. The thing is, without neurodivergencies like ADHD, ASD, etc., advancements in science, technology, even economics and agriculture, would not have evolved to the level we currently have."
"I also want to add, it's BS the way people treat people with ADHD. As prolific as it is, and with all the research and growing understanding, they're still told "if you'd only focus", "you can hold still if you really try", and other crap. ADHD can be disabling and has an effect on every part of someone's life. Quit writing them off."
"That every time I am angry or upset, it’s not “just my [insert relevant mental illness here]”. Sometimes I have every right and reason to be furious or in tears, just like anyone else does, and brushing off my emotions as a symptom is hurtful and damaging."
You Can't Help Me!
"That I don't fully understand it myself, but getting advice from a mentally healthy person who has no understanding of it is frustratingly useless."
"Can't tell you how many times peaple were just like "it's common sense you will get it. You just need to keep trying" meanwhile 12 year old me is fantasizing about putting my pencil though the teachers neck because all of the black squiggles on the page don't make sense unless I have a colored filter over them. That she won't let me use because it's "distracting.""
I Need A Little Time
"Certain folks in my family get so frustrated when I have to call off something because I’m having a bad day mentally. I don’t want to miss Fun Thing either, but I have had this my entire life and I know when I can push through it and when I absolutely cannot. I hate it as much as they do!"
"Absolutely. If I don't show up to something every once in a while, it's for your protection as well as mine. Nobody wants to see me have a mental breakdown because I pushed myself too hard to do something that day."
"Sometimes, having mental health issues means I need to wait for it to pass. I need as little stimulus as possible to have control over myself in those times. This is me, dealing with it, so I can go back to being the person everyone likes."
There's No Magic Solution
"Taking medication is not some magical fix. I'm still sick."
"Exactly. Going to therapy and doing the work doesn’t mean that my mental health issues are going to magically disappear! I once had someone in my family ask me how long it will take for my anxiety, PTSD, depression etc to “go” away completely since I was on medication and in therapy. It was the most painful conversation I had to have without offending them. I will always have what I’ve been diagnosed with and I’m going to live with them forever, I just know how to manage it well on some days and can’t manage them on other days. Stop expecting me to wake up and be a new person just because I’m in therapy."
"That having my routine broken causes a massive amount of stress and fear so I tend to respond poorly to tense situations because my brain can't connect with others."
"Great that they find stress relief with others, I find it with my video games and I can't take that with me so smoking is how I handle an overwhelming amount of it. Not a great method but it works for now."
It's More Than Sadness
"Being depressed is not "Oh, you're just sad.""
"No, it physically hurts on my worst days, and sometimes it's really hard to get out of bed because of it."
"It's also difficult to find something to do some days when mine is bad. I'll literally just sit there and stare at something for a while."
"My son will want to go outside, and I just don't want to because my depression makes it so that I don't feel like doing anything."
"Depression can physically be painful, and it's "not just in your head.""
It's Not Your Fault
"Parents: ADHD and other disorders are not a negative reflection on you as a parent. You don't have "the bad kid" who gets in trouble all the time. You have a kid with a health condition that makes their life harder that needs diagnosis and treatment. Nobody would think of their kid as an embarrassment for having asthma or poor eyesight or diabetes."
"Get your head out of the sand and your ego out of your kid's health."
We're All Trying To Get Through
"I am trying so hard. So f**king hard. Please just be patient with me."
I think that might be the most important thing to understand!
People Who Don't Want Kids Share The Real Reason Why
Being a parent isn't for everybody.
That is a life lesson well learned.
Not everybody wants to have kids.
That maybe hard to believe, but the sooner we learn, the better.
If you want kids, please have them, just be sure and ready.
It's a hard journey.
Raising my dog has been stress enough.
Maybe if some of you hear why others don't want kids, you'll appreciate yours more.
Redditor Celestialsmoothie28 wanted to discuss why many of us don't want to bring a new generation into the world, so they asked:
"People who don't want kids, why?"
I will never have kids. You're all welcome.
Who Cares?Season 4 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"Why would I want kids? Personally, I can’t think of a single compelling reason to have them. Kids deserve a parent who wants them, not someone who just tolerates them."
"Kids are a lifelong commitment to raise and care for another human, and I don’t think I’m capable of handling that. I like kids, but I don’t think I could raise one well, so I’m not going to try."
"Agreed. Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child. For those who think 'if you never try you never know”' are just plain selfish. So you’re gonna bring a kid to this world just to 'test out' if you can be a good parent?"
"You should know yourself better than anyone beforehand, whether you can be a good parent. I certainly not gonna use a person’s life for my own amusement since I know I wouldn’t be able to give the best to the child."
"I grew up with a brother 10 years younger than i am. Went from changing his diapers to teaching him how to mod Minecraft."
"Left to go to college. I call him nearly every night, and we still watch anime an play video games together through discord calls."
"I already had my kid. He's called my little brother. Just wish I understood my family's financial situation sooner."
Be Preparedbe prepared the lion king GIFGiphy
"As a parent, I always tell people that wanting the responsibility is the most important part. My baby daddy and I separated, but we co-parent so well, people are always shocked. We work together well because we both know we planned to have a child and raise her together, despite the status of our personal relationship."
The responsibility! The biggest lesson of all.
My Life... My Rulesfreedom GIFGiphy
"I enjoy freedom, I enjoy my relationship exactly as it is, I have a major fear of being pregnant, I like having money. Oh and I don’t like babies or kids. The reasons are endless."
Issues of a Saint
"I struggle with anxiety and anger issues and I wouldn’t want to pass that on to my child or have them have to grow up dealing with my anxieties and anger episodes. I just couldn’t do it and it wouldn’t be fair to them. Plus it’s real expensive. I’d rather have a life of peace and quiet and travel to figure myself out. To the moms: you guys are tough saints."
"I have back and hip issues that would have made carrying a child (and then also literally carrying a child) difficult. I like my free time and expendable income. I didn't feel like I was in a stable enough place financially, wasn't with the right partner at the right time, never had baby fever."
"I look around at the world, and have no desire to bring another life into this s**t show."
"In this economy?"
"I'd also like to add. Into this world? Our age pyramid is upside down. Only way to fix to is either by overpopulation, or bracing for difficult times for a while until it fixes itself."
"It isn't like I dislike children, at work I love to take care of them. But I don't have the heart to bring in any more. Otherwise, if my life situation would be better, I would totally love to foster or adopt. There are so many children who don't get parents."
Just... WHY?!Why Me Crying GIF by Team CocoGiphy
"Why would I want one? I get that it is the social default, but in a vacuum it sounds terrible. I barely feel like I have my sh*t together, and I never feel like I have enough time to do the things I want to do."
"Why would I want to give up on my free time entirely to raise a kid? Children are fine in small doses, but they are exhausting, stressful and the benefits seem minimal. I guess the biological drive skipped me."
Not everybody is meant to be a parent.
Know your truth.
People Confess Whether The Number Of Someone's Previous Sexual Partners Matter To Them While Dating
Sex. Let's have a frank discussion.
Most of us have it. And many of us have had it with several different people over time.
That shouldn't be a difficult truth to discuss.
So let's talk numbers.
Do we all have a number that is too high to accept from a partner?
Are the numbers none of our business as long everything turned out fine?
Reddit had some thoughts.
Redditor LaRata59 wanted to discuss everybody's past sexual history, so they asked:
"Does the amount of sexual encounters your partner has had matter to you? Why or why not?"
If you're willing to be intimate with a partner, you should be open to having difficult conversations.
Keep QuietAmy Schumer No GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
"I don’t mind, but ten minutes after sex I don’t want to hear your last girlfriend was 24 when you’re 42. Or hear how awesome sex was with your ex-wife, or how great sex was in Guam with your ex-girlfriend."
"I would care only because my wife and I have been together since high school and we both should have 1 partner each... each other. So if that's not true it would be a problem."
"Same here but 4 years a go my wife had a brief affair and I'm still struggling to get past it since we are still together (of sorts)."
"Me too. I found out 2 years ago. I think about it every day, I’m definitely not past it. We are still together and have been for 18 years. It has really destroyed me."
I was convinced...
"So long as they haven't run through my entire friend group, I don't care."
"A few years ago, I started to worry about a girl in our friend group that I suspected of having an eye on my boyfriend at the time. I expressed that to him, and he reassured me of the fact that he had several girlfriends and that he was not attracted to her anyway."
"She was single and she liked to party a lot. He concluded by telling me 'anyways that girl, she slept with all my friends.' I was convinced. Well, guess what, he's now married and has two kids with her."
Who Cares?Eddie Murphy Whatever GIF by Coming to AmericaGiphy
"As long as the count doesn't continue increasing during the relationship, it doesn't matter at all. I have a past, too."
Who cares? Carry on...
Be Silentnot listening stephen colbert GIFGiphy
"No but also don't want to know, so I never ask."
"Yeah, as long as you're clean and not comparing me to past lovers. Also, I sure as f**k don't want to hear about them. I'm very visual, so I'm not trying to picture your previous sexcapades, thank you.
"I was seeing a girl that had a lot of guy friends. It would come to light that she had slept with all of them at one point. Co-workers, long time friends, boyfriends of her girlfriends etc. It's unnerving socially to know that so many people in the social circle you're joining has been with the person you're trying to have a relationship with."
"It would also come to light that she had a 'wild period' where she would hook up with 3-4 random guys in a week. I thought it was in the past so I looked the other way. But things like trauma, dissociation during intimacy, trust issues, bad boundaries with the opposite sex, judgment over your own sexual appetite etc were all becoming an issue."
"She eventually cheated while visiting family back home with someone she said had abused her physically and mentally. A lot of the times, it is a sign of someone who has serious mental health issues or very low self worth. Either case does not result in a healthy relationship and you should tread lightly."
"No, to a point. To me, the past only matter in its ability to catch up to the present. If someone has had sex with 50 people but it never has a negative effect on our life together and she still enjoys sex with me, then it’s not a problem."
"However if someone has had sex with 5 people and all 5 are frequently coming back into her life and causing drama for both of us, or if she can’t enjoy sex with me due to comparing it to a past partner, then that it is an issue."
"So to me it’s not the number, but the affect of the number. With that being said, it’s not something I would ask about because typically if the past is going to be a problem there are better warning signs."
"For me, a very introverted person, sex is one of the most intimate things in a relationship. And if the other person doesn't need the same emotional connection beforehand. I would feel just like another body in their 'collection.' But also I don't shame anybody partaking in the hookup culture. It's just not something for me."
Be SureIs This Thing On Bob GIF by RedbrickGiphy
"It does not matter to me however I’m still be cautious of STD/STI; so I’d prefer they get tested before we have sex."
The past is the past. Maybe let it be.
Redditors Explain Which Types Of People Get Treated With Less Sympathy Than They Deserve
CW: domestic violence.
People carry biases and false beliefs with them about a broad spectrum of things.
Unfortunately, some of those beliefs involve people, and those beliefs can limit or even hurt them.
Redditor anthropocener47 asked:
"What kind of people often get treated with less sympathy?"
"Just Lose Some Weight," They Say
"People who are overweight."
"There is this perception that all of my issues are because I am overweight."
"I'm a male who has been a victim of Domestic Violence, and let me tell you: People not only don't take you seriously, but they'll actually put you down."
"They'll talk s**t about you. They'll say you deserved it. They'll belittle you for getting beat up by a girl; god help you if you actually physically defended yourself in any situation where you were getting assaulted by a woman."
"The most I've ever done is restrain a woman when she was beating on me. And I've had people tell me that this was going 'too far' and that I should have just stood there and taken it. And I am NOT a little guy, which seems to make things worse."
"If you get your a** kicked, you're a b***h. If you defend yourself, you're the abuser. There's absolutely no winning in that situation."
"There is 100% no sympathy for male victims of domestic violence. It's sickening how uniformly society acts regarding this topic."
"People who lose their temper when desperately trying to get people to understand that they have been abused."
"It’s actually a serious problem in courts that abuse victims look crazy and unstable because they do normal human things like express emotion and are often quite emotional and anxious after their abuse so they are perceived as untrustworthy, shifty, easily confused, erratic and liars."
"Meanwhile, their abuser is calm and collected and charming and comes off very well because why wouldn’t they, none of this affects them. They just lie and get away with it and are believed that they are the stable one and their victim is crazy and the real abuser."
Those Seeking Self-Improvement
"People who made some bad choices in the past and are trying to better their lives."
The Bullied Kids
"Kids who are bullied."
"'Well, I didn’t see it happen.' No, because he did it when you weren’t looking. That’s the point."
"As a kid, I visited my grandparents in assisted living facilities several times a week. These were dementia wards where no one knew who anyone was. No one knew where they were or why they were there."
"Easily 90% of the time, we were the only family there. No one visited their crazy parents because it was scary and depressing."
"It’s really fueled my wish to study dementia and work with people who have it. Often they have no one to look out for them."
"People that don't smile. My best friend is an absolute angel of a person but I've only seen him smile a few times over the last seven years. Traumatic events are a motherf**ker."
"Chronically ill and disabled people who don’t get 'better' after a few months (because that’s not how chronic illness or disability f**king works)."
Themselves to Blame
"People with Lung Cancer or Type 2 Diabetes. The 'you did this to yourself' attitude."
An Unfair System
"People who stutter. People who are quiet. People with social anxiety. People who can’t speak English well. Men who don’t earn. Men who earn less. Women who can’t conceive. People with mental disabilities."
"People in 'unskilled' positions. Sure, a burger flipper or custodian doesn’t need a college degree, but unskilled does not equal not hard work."
"Having to prepare so much food in little time, deal with rude customers, and cleaning up stuff. The number of stories of people smearing poop on the walls. The stuff these people go through, people should feel sympathy."
Mental Illness on the Job
"I have BPD (Bipolar Disorder) and have suffered from depression for over 20 years."
"I've been applying for jobs lately where it asks for disability declaration and specifically mentions mental illness and I still have a hard time selecting it for fear of not being believed or it costing me the job."
"I had a hard time sympathizing with people who suffer from severe anxiety. My attitude was always 'just deal with it, stress is temporary.'"
"Last summer there was a series of events that triggered unprecedented anxiety for me, I didn't eat for days at a time, barely slept, and could barely function at work. It was absolutely debilitating and felt completely uncontrollable."
"A week on vacation helped but it came back as soon as I got home. So I went to my doctor and he prescribed a few meds, which helped a lot."
"Now I understand that kind of crippling anxiety, and I'm a lot more sympathetic to those who struggle to manage it."
"I LOOK so incredibly healthy. But I'm not. I'm crippled for life, and I'm in pain from it until it kills me. I keep quiet about it, because I don't want attention on it and I don't like to waste my energy making noise about it."
"But some people who find out are very weird about it."
"I look like a cherub. A cute young girl, with rosy cheeks, a lil chubby, very short, with a baby face. And seemingly healthy as heck."
"In reality, I'm a grown woman who is crippled as f**k, in agony most days, has hidden open sores under my hair, and arthritis in every joint including my neck and spine."
"I'm on more medications than both your grandparents combined. We're probably on some of the same ones. And for some of the ones I'm on, their doctor would refuse to give them."
"I might not live very long. But I also might, hard to say."
"But those times I have to fight to be treated like a person really and truly suck. Because My pain makes other people feel uncomfortable."
"There's a real disdain towards poorer people like they should magically be able to make more money."
"For lots of people, they have disadvantages that make that more difficult, like a lack of education or support, lack of time, illness or disability, or even just being stuck in a neverending cycle and having to time/money/ability to get themselves out."
"For some others, they prioritize other parts of life over money, and there's nothing wrong with making that choice for yourself."
The subReddit was left collectively shaking its head as the community thought about the various people who are often undervalued, underappreciated, and under-supported, simply because of who they are.
But the worst truth is that so many of these situations are unavoidable, like growing older or being ill. Even for those that could be corrected with time, like having more money, it would only make sense that supporting that person more would allow them to change their situation more quickly.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, help is available 24/7 at the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233. You can also find additional support and resources on their website: https://www.thehotline.org/