Marriage takes WORK. If both parties aren't willing to put in the effort things get bad pretty fast. The fairytale lie we've been fed of happily ever after has made it difficult for people to grasp what real long-term relationships look like. News flash: it gets messy!
When Redditor CrisP_bacon asked the question “Long term (10+ years) married couples of reddit, Whats was the worst low you've had and why didnt you leave?" the online marriage veterans were glad to share their struggles, and their triumphs.
“I left the Mormon church.”
“I left the Mormon church.”
“For Mormons that frequently means divorce. Temple marriage and the priesthood are a big deal and she assumed that if I was leaving the church it meant I was leaving her too. It was incredibly stressful.”
“I had been pretending to believe since we got married and I figured finally telling her all my feelings would actually make her leave me, after all, no more eternal marriage, broken covenants, "inactive" father to our children, how would she be treated by neighbors/family/other members, etc.”
“I was working two poor jobs at the time and in college. We were barely scraping by even with a good deal on our rent, I was always stressed, and often gone. Our families weren't supportive about my decision. Our neighbors judged. My wife was judged and pitied on every Sunday she went alone.”
“I didn't leave her and I never planned to. She didn't leave me. My wife respected my choices, supported me, and ultimately she ended up leaving too, a few years ago now. I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life due to the church and leaving it was the best thing I ever did for myself.”
“It will be fourteen years married and sixteen years together this year. We're happy, we're doing well, and our children are thriving.” victorioushack
translate joseph smith GIF by South Park GiphyThey came out as a conspiracy nut, yikes!
“This week. Finding out my wife of 22 years is an anti vaxxer. Her family is religious and there has always been quirks, but she has gone down a full nutcase rabbit hole, fueled by her idiot mother.”
“Sounds like just one thing, but I'm having a hard time imagining getting over it. We've got kids and she's choosing conspiracies over protecting herself for their sake.”
“Edit - why didn't I leave? This is happening in real time. We've got 3 lovely kids and a pretty good thing going. I hope it doesn't end here.”
“Edit - there were clues in the past but I didn't know (not sure she did either) that she was an anti-science, anti-vaxxer until recently. She and her mom share false YouTube videos of "evidence" and wind each other up.” notmyrealnam3
Burnie Burns Conspiracy GIF by Rooster TeethGiphy“I was about to destroy my marriage with their mother for a piece of a**.”
“My wife and I were going through a real funk. We were stressed out, and not getting along very well. Money was a big issue. Things were down to almost nothing in the bedroom. I was just sick of the relationship.”
“And then out of the f*cking blue an old high school crush PMs me on Facebook. We get chatting... we start getting really flirty... a week goes by, and we're talking dirty and planning to meet.”
“On the day we were supposed to hook up - literally hours before our rendezvous- Unsteady by X Ambassadors comes into the radio and I suddenly can't stop thinking about the kids, and how I grew up with no dad in the picture.”
“I felt so stupid and selfish. I was about to destroy my marriage with their mother for a piece of a**. I called it off, went home and asked my wife to sit down. I told her everything.”
“She was upset of course, but we began talking about our problems and they got a lot better. Now we're doing amazing, and I'm so glad I didn't f*ck up. Every time I hear that song I'm reminded of it.” Kajiit_hairball
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
Poverty is a huge stressor...
“21 years this July. I think it's a mix of good times and bad times. Honestly, the worst moments have been when money's been scarce. That brings he worst out of people. We actually separated once about 9 years ago, we were arguing non-stop and my wife ended up feeling trapped and decided to move out with our youngest.”
“We got over it by working on ourselves and rekindling our relationship, took several months to fix it. On my side, sometimes I too feel trapped for some reasons, like pulling too much weight at home, being the one taking care of more stuff than her, but in the end it's just stupid things.”
“If I left I don't think I'd ever get what I have now. A marriage is not roses always, it takes a lot of effort, compromising, respect, and communication. And lots of sex, not joking.”demoniodoj0
“Grabbed his cup of chips out of his hand and dumped them on the floor at his feet...”
“We're coming up on 10 years and have had only a handful of arguments and verbal fights throughout our marriage, but the most prominent one happened right after he pinned on captain rank (O-3) in the Air Force.”
“When he was an O-1 and O-2, he had been sh!t on quite a bit by higher-ranked officers in his unit, so he himself began to adopt that power-trip attitude as soon as he was promoted. I personally despise that kind of ego especially in a partner, and the more I witnessed him treating other people rudely for no reason, the angrier I got.”
“It came to a head when we were at one of the casinos in Vegas, and he started talking down to and belittling a cashier when she tried to explain why he couldn't cash in his chips at that particular window. I was so appalled and infuriated by his behavior that I snapped right there.”
“Grabbed his cup of chips out of his hand and dumped them on the floor at his feet, snarling that he'd better pick them up to pay for a divorce lawyer because I was done with his sh*t. We had never, ever mentioned divorce before, and it was a bit of a taboo word for him because he was still traumatized by his parents' messy divorce right before we'd gotten married.”
“So for me to bark it at him in public, which is so out of character for me because I never like to make a scene, was the wakeup call he needed.”
“He was stunned and speechless. After a few awkward seconds, I muttered an apology to the cashier and headed back to our hotel room upstairs. It took another few minutes for him to follow me after retrieving all his chips, and by then we were both extremely upset with each other.”
“Many furious words were exchanged--he couldn't believe I would even bring up divorce and I couldn't believe he didn't realize what an ahole he had become--which ended in both of us in tears. It took another few hours, but we managed to talk through the issue. He promised to check himself and take a step back to reflect on the influence his workplace had on him.”
“That was six years ago. He is now an O-4 and the one that all the junior service members in his squadron elect to go to when they need advice or someone to confide in about work. He has gone out of his way to mentor several airmen who asked for his help in preparing for various programs and schools.”
“Every time I attend a squadron function, I see how well-liked he is by his colleagues. I'm proud and relieved that he reverted to being his regular kind self. Now whenever he has an ahat commander rotate into his group's chain of command, I quietly point out that that could have been him if he had continued along the path of douchebaggery, and it makes him shudder.” OrifielM
Some people need to mind their business...
“Is 9 close enough? Was about a year in, and I ended up taking off for a hotel for a few nights. Why? Because I had my toxic, abusive parents and their cronies constantly calling me and telling me how awful my wife was.”
“They'd tell me how she was sick in the head and keeping me from them (I'd cut them off) and that she was abusing me. It got in my head and she suggested I take a few days away, without my phone, to calm down.”
“I made it til 4am that night, realized my parents were terrible people and my wife was wonderfully supportive of me. Called her and went home immediately. Been going great ever since.” tempthethrowaway
“I'm ashamed now...”
“Married 24 years now. Fifteen years ago, my depression got bad. Usually it manifests as dark humor and swearing; that time, it was fury, frustration and vicious emotional aggression.”
“My wife put up with it for a year. I remember my then-young son asking, "are you angry again?" with such a sadness that it tore at my heart (and reinforced to me that I was worthless, not helping the depression).”
“I was never physically abusive, but I'm ashamed now at the brutal pleasure I felt when she cried. Finally, finally, I listened to my wife and talked to my doctor. They eventually got my meds right, or anyway close enough that I was back in my right mind.”
“We stayed together because my wife is stronger than you would believe, and she knew that her real husband was hidden under all that cruelty. She kept us together. I've been grateful ever since.I'm blessed beyond anything I could deserve. Nowadays, I think that I treat her as she should be treated, like a treasure.”
“I wrote this in part so that people in a depression can see how very, very dark it can get. I was controlled by it. I was d*mned near possessed by it. If you get taken by depression, think of this and get help way sooner than I did.” Vox_Popsicle
Not the dog!
“11 years married. Worst low was he was being a complete AH (Screaming at 8 y/o) to one of my younger kids and when daughter (18) stood up to him he tried to sell her dog as punishment. Didn't leave him because I recognized a PTSD episode and got him help. I think it's important to recognize why a behavior is happening. “
“This was NOT his normal behavior. He's former police officer and this was when he had to walk away from a career he loved. It was HARD, but he was willing to accept help and has stayed in therapy for 2 years now."Suspicious_Sassafras
Mental health can be serious.
“Been together since high school (in our 40's now). Our lowest time was after our kid was born. The company I worked for was closing down. I was applying for jobs like crazy and he just didn't.”
“We ended up moving in with my parent for about half a year. He got a job and was fired 2 weeks later. I got a job but had to commute 4+hours each day. I did all of the night wakings with our baby.”
“There were times I was sleeping in 45 min chunks and then waking up at 5 am to get to work by 9 am, leaving work, driving home 2-3 hours in bad traffic, dealing with a super clingy baby, eat dinner go to bed, rinse and repeat. I did this for 3 months before we found a place to rent near my job.”
“We moved, he got a job, was fired 6 months later. Got another job, fired. We had to move out of our nice apartment into a crappy 1 bedroom apartment that was falling apart due to finances.”
“All this time I was doing all the daycare pick ups and drop off, working 40+ hours and doing all the baby care. I even did this when he didn't have a job because I didn't want to lose our spot in daycare. He didn't clean, didn't cook, didn't interact with our kid when I was home. He was always in a bad mood. I got medicated and my depression got slightly better.”
Things did get better with some help...
“He got another job, almost got fired, got a slightly better paying job, got fired, was unemployed for a long time, got another job, got fired. I stayed because I had such bad PPD and anxiety that I could only react. After he got fired the last time I was going to get a divorce. I was done. He was then diagnosed with bipolar.”
“It's been a year and a half since the diagnosis. He is now medicated and did therapy. We are in a much better place. He got a job but the pandemic closed his location. He has completed stepped up and changed.”
“He handles all schooling for our child, cooks dinner, cleans. I make enough now that we can get by on one income until the pandemic ends. We are friends again and I now like spending time with him. We are still healing from the years of crap but we are in it for the long haul.” darksideoftheday
An emotional affair.
“l caught my wife in an emotional affair that likely, would have turned physical but I'll never really know. I was going through a weird depression and had been pretty physically and emotionally distant for about a year so it's not exactly shocking that she developed feelings for another person but it still completely crushed my world and my stomach still gets in knots sometimes randomly 2 years later.”
“Any time I've mentioned this on Reddit though I get a bunch of comments telling me I should have left her and she will do it again, and it's just not worth it. For the record, we're doing great now and oddly enough the entire awful experience and very nearly ending our marriage made our marriage stronger and I trust her that she'd never want to hurt me like that again and I'm determined to never make her feel lonely or ever allow that kind of space for another person again.” BigBicNic
“I caught him googling divorce statistics and how to get a divorce.”
“Married almost 14 years. Having babies was not good for our relationship. We had three kids in quick succession. My hormones were out of whack for about five years, and he wasn't great dealing with small kids. There were times when I was counting down the days until I could go back to work and save enough money to leave, and I caught him googling divorce statistics and how to get a divorce.”
“We worked through it. Even on our worst days, even when I wanted out, I just kept thinking how much I'd rather have him in my life than out of it. I don't know why he decided to stay.”
“And even though 2020 was rough financially (he was laid off twice and I wasn't working much), it actually seemed to bring us closer. I'm so glad that we stuck it out. Things are never going to be perfect, but I'm very grateful to have him.“ Bay-Area-Tanners
Sometimes all you can do is cry over a beer.
“Just over the 10 year mark. Our worst period came just after the birth of our daughter. She was born with duplexed kidnies and urethra. That's quite common, but she had the worst of it, and for the first three years of her life was in hospital for at least two years; constant UTIs, countless bouts of sepsis, and few critical care stays, four bouts of major surgery, including serious heart problems caused by that."
“Me and my wife were like chalk and cheese during those years. I had my head buried in the sand and put all my eggs in the doctor basket. My wife had that same faith, but read up on absolutely everything."
“As she was living in hospital with our daughter, I was at home with our son. It was a very odd time, where we were like ships in the night. We were both depressed and struggling to cope. You don't see it at the time, as you just take each day as it comes... But when you stop and look back at what you've been through, it can be overbearing to put it all into context."
"Had many a full on breakdown whilst out with my best friend having a beer during that time. That entire period was a strain on the two of us. I think it's fair to say there were quite long periods where we absolutely hated each other."
"There were points I know she had contacted divorce lawyers, and at least a month where we officially separated. We're over that period now, and whilst my daughter is still on medication, she's not had any serious complications in several years now, so all is good."
"It was one hell of a storm though." hellsmk2
Abusive employers are still all too common.
“Sorry, this got long! But I guess the story of a good relationship is rarely short ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Been together almost 12 years. About 3 years ago we were going through a terrible time. We had just finished college, his parents coerced him into turning down a good job offer in his field to help run their business.”
“They gave him some pretty lofty promises.Instead, his father drove the business into the ground and spent the family into astronomical debt before drinking himself into an early grave. Because he lied on his insurance forms about his health, the family got nothing. Despite his many flaws he'd been more like a father to me instead of a father in law, and it was devastating.”
“I was working absolute garbage, grunt jobs, getting paid minimum wage. I was trying to get a few years experience in my field in order to work my way into a better place, but it just wasn't enough money. I barely made enough to cover my own bills, putting a lot of financial strain on my husband.”
“Eventually I had a mental breakdown and had to completely quit because my job was so abusive I couldn't take it anymore. I went on unemployment, which paid less than I was already making. A lot of other things were going on during this time, but the bottom line was I felt unsupported emotionally, and very bullied by him. He felt that I was not being an equal partner to him, that I was living like a teenager in our home while he was the parent who had to take care of everything.“
“I honestly stayed for reasons that are not healthy.”
“I wasn't trying to pull my weight because I was severely depressed and hurting. It seemed no one in my life cared about the terrible things that had happened to me at my former work place, and I just felt abused all over again by everyone around me. No one even asked me if I was ok, not even my husband."
“I felt like no one cared about me at all. He didn't care what I was going through because he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, he couldn't take on any more. It took a lot of fights, a lot of listening, swallowing of hard pills and apologies from both of us. Also, healing and growing aren't linear."
“Even after acknowledging our hurts and faults, we both relapsed into our toxic behaviours several times over the past couple of years. Forgiveness isn't linear, either. Sometimes you really have to work at it, and point out to yourself the difference between holding a grudge and seeing a pattern."
"My husband worked his @ss off and not only got the family nearly out of debt in just a few years (we are talking in the hundreds of thousands here), he's got the family business positively blooming. I have done a lot of hard work of my own. I've kept the same job for years now, and I'm going back to school for something more profitable that I will enjoy."
"I've also been working on some side hustles that are going well. We have a beautiful, happy home, and we're both trying every day to be our best selves. Why did we stay together? TBH, from the outside looking in, I probably would have just told myself to leave."
"It wasn't working and there wasn't any sign that it would get better. I honestly stayed for reasons that are not healthy. Mostly because I felt like I couldn't leave, I'd been here and with him for too long. I hated the idea of him moving on with someone else, it fuelled my toxic feelings which kept me trapped."
"I don't know why he stayed, other than that he loves me and so remained hopeful that we could fix things. I guess we were both just lucky that underneath it all we are reasonable and kind people, so we were able to crawl out of the mess." poisonergranny
When tragedy struck...
“34 years married here. Our lowest point was when our 9 year old son was hit by a car. I went into a deep depression after his death and couldn't cope. It really brought out the worst in both of us. We handled it differently and really struggled to make sense of it all. It was a few really tough years but we stayed together and tried to work through it all.”
“My husband finally recognized my behaviours and lack of interest in anything, including the fact I left my job, as depression and found me professional help. It was a long road, but we made it through and grew closer after. When things go bad, you have to really fight to hold a marriage together, but it's worth it. Don't give up.” cardixa00
Needed some connection.
“16 years coming up soon. The darkest moment was probably the first year of marriage. New city away from her family and friends, stressful job, and I was working during the day and going to school at night for a masters degree.”
“She cried. A lot. But we made it and we have been forever grateful for the time we have together, knowing how awful it was when we couldn't be together.” billionthtimesacharm
GIF by AM to DMGiphy“It was a painful refresher class.”
“F married to M for over 25 years. When my son was 10 he got diagnosed with a brain condition. I became obsessed with taking care of him. Three years later he was diagnosed as stable and it was the first time I felt he wouldn't need surgery.”
“That's when I realized how neglectful I had been to my husband. He was kind. He still loved me. But he thought I didn't love him anymore.”
“We separated for a while, but everytime I brought up divorce he would say no. I wanted him to move back, but he would say to give him time. We didn't talk for about two months. And then he contacted me, begging for my forgiveness. We began to date again, eventually he moved back home.”
“I'm telling the facts, but the emotions were flying high. While apart, we would talk for hours on the phone. We became closer and got to know each other really well again. It was a painful refresher class. I hope we never take each other for granted again.“ aubor
Sometimes it’s the quiet moments.
“We have been married over 20 years and had a lot of stress and times when everything around us went wrong. But the lowest point was a time when there was nothing really wrong in our lives, but we grew apart, and each of us seemed to feel that the other person was the enemy. But we were able to work our way through it because I think we both knew it was the best option for us both.“ Ok_Huckleberry6820
Therapy should not be stigmatized, it helps.
“Married 9 but together 13 so I think this counts. Both of us had sh!tty childhoods and plenty of baggage left over from them -- but not the same exact baggage, so over time you start getting annoyed at the other person for not understanding your crap, because their crap-handling technique is different and you know they don't like how you handle yours."
“We eventually got into a nasty dysfunctional cycle where everyone feels misunderstood and no one feels taken care of, and no one feels safe to be themselves because 'being yourself' apparently sets off the other person, and it's really hard to break out of that when everyone feels angry and no one wants to stuff their feelings about it anymore, and so on."
"We started doing EFT couples work (emotionally focused therapy) during the pandemic -- online therapy is a lot easier to wedge into our schedules than in-person. We are working on hard stuff. I spend most Wednesdays feeling drained. It is 1000% worth the time, money, and effort."
"I was never actually considering leaving because I always knew I could throw the 'that's it, we need to do some actual couples work' card, and that that would probably improve things. I think any couple where the partners come from a tricky background will run into a patch like this and will need to do this kind of work. People like us, our default attachment mode does not lend itself to happiness by default. I am very happy that we are working on this sh*t." withbellson
Relationships take work, dedication, and self reflection from both parties. Hope these couples continue staying safe and in love.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Phones are a blessing and a curse. Sure, the world is at our fingertips—but they can also get us into a lot of trouble. Take, for example, these phone moments gone horribly wrong. From disturbing, creepy calls to notifications that revealed dark secrets, these stories are enough to make us want to drop our phones in the toilet and then leave 'em there.
1. Machine Reading
man driving carPhoto by Hareez Hussaini on UnsplashI was riding in the car with a co-worker when my wife texted. I told Siri to read it. Huge mistake. My wife texted to yell at me about leaving dingleberries in the shower drain.
2. Beyond The Gyno Veil
woman holding phonePhoto by Daria Nepriakhina 🇺🇦 on UnsplashOh boy. This was the most harrowing thing I've been through. This was how I found out a girl I was dating had end-stage terminal cancer. She was on the phone with me as she walked into her “gynecology appointment”, then proceeded to put her phone in her purse, but I think she mis-tapped or something.
I listened to a 30-minute conversation that was to the effect of: “You have four months to live. There are no treatment options”. She'd been aware of it for three years but refused treatment because essential oils can cure any malady, am I right???
3. Thin Wall, Huge Separation
woman using laptop while sitting on chairPhoto by Brooke Cagle on UnsplashMy fiancée at the time—three months from the wedding—used to use my laptop all the time for social media and stuff while she was watching TV. She comes to me one night and says she thinks stuff isn't working out and that we should talk about whether we should really continue. I'd not felt any problems that I didn't just dismiss as wedding planning/financial stress. So I explained that and she said she wanted to sleep in the spare room that night to think things through, to which I agreed.
I wasn't very happy with it at all, so I decided to go get my device and watch some YouTube before bed. She had her Facebook left open on my user account—completely normal. Then I see a notification from her ex-colleague.
She was live-sexting him with just a thin wall between us. I instantly knew I'd never forgive that, got dressed, quietly snuck away into my car and drove to my mum’s. She didn't even realize I knew for days. Didn't speak to her at all after that. All communication was through her own parents, who were devastated.
4. In What Reality
woman in brown shirt covering her facePhoto by Fa Barboza on UnsplashMy boyfriend left his phone on the sofa while he excused himself to use the restroom. A text popped up, and I automatically looked. We had great respect for each other’s privacy, so, of course, I didn’t read it, but I did see the name. He came out of the bathroom, and I asked who “Jane” was. He had never mentioned her.
“My niece,” he answered. He came from a large family, and I couldn’t keep track of all of his nieces and nephews. We went back to the movie we were watching, and I never thought of it again. We had a wonderful relationship. The kind of love that’s made up to sell books and films. It was the most real thing in my life.
I had been twice divorced, and it was only with him that I learned what real love is. My own parents really didn’t love me. I wasn’t just happy with my life; I was ecstatic. Nothing else mattered because I was loved. It was five years of absolute bliss. I agreed to work late one day and was texting him during my break.
He told me our plans for the night, which were going to dinner with his best friend. He said he would tell him we’d be a bit late. I had to go back to work. I got home that night to find the best human being I had ever known was gone forever after trying to get into the shower. It was a massive heart attack, they said.
The only thing I remember is screaming and crying. It couldn’t end this way. He was far too young and healthy. It’s been almost two years later, and I am still in shock. Two days after he was gone, I got a message from “Jane.” Jane was the woman in his other life, as in he had two lives—another home, another woman, etc.
I still don’t understand how this was possible, but she had definite proof. Proof that she shoved in my face. She didn’t know about me either, so I felt bad for her. She was everything he couldn’t stand. I’ll never get over this. I’m just an empty shell now. I quickly stopped messaging with Jane as I could not take it.
All I remember about his infidelity is that text message. He’d never lied to me, so why wouldn’t I believe him? Now, I have no idea what was a lie and what was the truth. I thought losing him was as bad as it could get. Boy, was I wrong! What he did doesn’t make me love him any less even though sometimes I wish it did.
5. Earth To Dad
white, red, and black Jyoti Travels bus passing the streetPhoto by Indrajeet Choudhary on UnsplashOne time, back when my dad used to be a coach bus driver, he left his phone on after calling my sister. It was in his pocket while he was still on the job. The radio was on inside the bus and my sister, who was still listening on the other end of the call, could hear that it was playing our local station.
My dad often listened to this station and phoned in for quizzes and anecdotes. Then my dad heard something super strange. My sister had called up the station and managed to get the radio host to make a live air announcement to tell my dad to turn off his phone.
6. Over-Staying Their Welcome?
man and woman sitting on bench facing seaPhoto by Matt Bennett on UnsplashMy in-laws are EXTREMELY religious, and we just got them their first iPhone—the first smartphone they’ve ever had. In the middle of me showing her parents how WeatherBug works—we were outside, wife was not—she texted me a spread-eagle shot of herself from the bedroom with the words "I can’t wait for them to leave so I can literally go to town on you in bed". Let’s just say things got very awkward.
It may have been small as heck on the banner, but they were both wearing their glasses and paying very close attention. Nevertheless, not a single word was said about it and they left 15 minutes later.
7. Demon Slayer
white ceramic toilet bowl with coverPhoto by Giorgio Trovato on UnsplashI'm a dispatcher. got a call from a gentleman reporting an issue with his toilet. For whatever reason, it was a bit hard for me to understand exactly what the problem was, except that it definitely involved his toilet. After a little while, I determined to the best of my ability that the toilet was overflowing and he didn't know what to do.
Although plumbing issues are absolutely not an appropriate reason for calling an emergency number, it wasn't unheard of. To a certain extent, I can understand the thought process and people have certainly called it for less. After a bit more talking, however, I realized that he had not called about a plumbing issue. It wasn't water that was coming out of his toilet, but demons.
The demons were spilling out of his toilet and he needed help. I put in a complaint for law enforcement and kept him on the phone. It was a busy evening and the officers wouldn't be able to get to him for a few minutes, so I asked if he could close the toilet lid. He said he could and he did. I asked him if this stopped the demons from coming out of his toilet and he told me it did. This made him calmer and I was able to release the call.
8. Missing No Detail
a woman with a surprised look on her facePhoto by engin akyurt on UnsplashI was heading to my school’s office of career services to have my resume reviewed. I got a couple of texts from a guy vividly describing what he wanted to do with me, but I didn’t open my messages since I was thinking about the meeting. I used my laptop to show my resume. The career services woman started reading it over.
She was giving me some feedback, and the notifications I didn’t clear on my phone from the texts all popped up on my screen. The notifications were there for a couple of seconds and she definitely saw them. As my face burned and I turned bright red, she just primly said, “Now those aren’t the “skills” we’d list on your resume, now are they?” Not only was I mortified, but this middle-aged lady also had to go and roast me too. It was the most excruciating hour of my life.
9. Time Is Money
orange and white medication pillPhoto by Christina Victoria Craft on UnsplashA patient called and left a voicemail for a refill on his prescription. He thought he hung up, but he didn’t. Instead, he proceeded to negotiate a price with someone for the refill he had just requested.
10. Woman Overboard
black ip desk phone on black wooden tablePhoto by Julian Hochgesang on UnsplashA colleague of mine dialed into a meeting of two or three managers plus about 25 sales representatives, only for everyone to suddenly go quiet. One person told him the meeting was canceled and he could drop the call, as they were just chatting about sales stuff. He pretended to hang up and stayed on the line. That's how he found out the truth.
They were basically planning a mutiny because they didn't like that their regional manager was a woman. They had a whole strategy for how they were going to cause a massive screw-up that would cost the company a ton of money and make it look like it was her fault so that she would get fired. The idiots even did a little "are we all in agreement" roll call at the end.
We worked in a call center, so his end of the call was recorded. Within a week, every last one of them was fired and within a month they were replaced.
11. Cheating Thievery
100 us dollar billPhoto by Nathan Dumlao on UnsplashI was borrowing my boyfriend's computer to send him some pictures from his computer to his phone. In the upper corner, it was non-stop messaging from girls. I clicked on one, and she sent pictures. I found out he was sending money to women. My money. Several hundred dollars.
12. Honesty Is The Best Policy
man holding telephone screamingPhoto by Icons8 Team on UnsplashI once worked as a secretary in an office that for some reason got pocket-dialed a lot. During one such occasion, I got to listen in while some gentleman from New York absolutely roasted one of his employees. The employee said, “Well what the heck do you expect me to do"? The boss's response was legendary. "Honestly, Tom, honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm sleeping with your sister, you would be out of here right now”.
13. I Hope You Were Taking Notes
turned on LED projector on tablePhoto by Alex Litvin on UnsplashIt wasn't me, but my professor used to have his laptop hooked up to the projector up in front of the class. While he was going through a presentation one day, a text popped up on his screen from a woman and all it said was "I have herpes.” He stopped connecting his laptop to the projector after that.
14. Surprise Features
yellow Volkswagen carPhoto by Rahul Bhogal on UnsplashI moved to Japan a few years ago, and early one day, I was at a market and saw a tanuki statue with its junk on display. I took a picture and thought it’d be funny to send my brother a message reading "UNSOLICITED DICK PIC!" then send it. Halfway around the world, my brother was doing some late evening car shopping.
He’d recently been in an accident and totaled his car so was in the market for a new one. He’d handed the salesman his phone so he could see pictures of the damage, and the guy was looking through them when the words "UNSOLICITED DICK PIC!" showed on the screen. The guy nearly dropped the phone trying to shove it back.
15. Think Of The Children
woman in white button up shirt leaning on blue wallPhoto by Nivedita Singh on UnsplashI once went to a friend's house to borrow her phallus-shaped cake pans for a bachelorette party. We sat there for a few minutes talking about them. She had two different sized pans, so there were some jokes told…then I noticed the most mortifying thing. I was sitting on my phone and had pocket-dialed the Child Welfare Provincial Emergency line.
It was on speed dial because I worked for a Children’s Aid Society at the time. It was so awkward.
16. Bad Timing
a man is holding his head with his handsPhoto by Bansah Photography on UnsplashMy best friend in high school was in the process of being grounded and having his phone taken away, and as he was handing over his phone to his mom he got a text from me that said "Hey, I found your mom's bedroom toy" accompanied with a picture of a medieval battering ram. He told me that they both saw it right as the transaction was taking place, then held each other’s gaze silently for what he described as an eternity.
17. Learning Bad News
girl sitting on chairPhoto by Patricia Prudente on UnsplashOne day in high school, my history teacher brought her 4-year-old daughter on one of the last days of school when we were doing practically nothing. The teacher handed her daughter her iPad so she could play, and a few other students and I were talking to and playing with the daughter and showing her games on the iPad.
My teacher must have had her iMessage set up on the iPad and forgot because it kept getting texts from her husband such as, "She's just a friend," and, "Well maybe we need to finally go through with it and end this once and for all." I had to turn on do not disturb.
18. Troubleshooting
man using IP phone inside roomPhoto by Berkeley Communications on UnsplashI work with a guy who used to work at an IT helpdesk. He made a habit of muting himself and very aggressively cussing out whoever it was he was on the phone with, then unmuting himself and acting as if nothing happened. I knew at some point he was going to miss that mute button. One day I’m on a conference call with him, another company, and another individual at the director level within our company for some troubleshooting.
After a bit, we decided to call it a day and reconvene in the morning. Suddenly, we heard him unleash a string of loud expletives followed by silence. The director said, “Excuse me”? After a brief second he dropped off the call and we apologized on his behalf. But it didn't end there. He came in the next morning with an immaculate story about how he spilled hot coffee on his leg and had to drop his pants outside his car.
He showed everybody in the office this massive burn mark on his leg. The interesting thing is that he had been on this call with us for about four hours, away from his home, and in his car this whole time with no access to a fresh pot of coffee. If there was coffee in his possession, it was very likely cold by this point. My guess is he realized he had messed up, so he went home and staged an injury to avoid persecution, but we’ll never know.
19. The Elephant In The Room
gray elephants performing on circusPhoto by Becky Phan on UnsplashAn old woman called, extremely confused, because she said that there was an elephant in her back garden. I question her but she is insistent that there is a fully grown elephant in her garden. She’s frightened—probably because she thinks there is a giant elephant in her back garden. The immediate assumption is that this woman may have dementia.
An officer is sent to do a welfare check on the poor woman. When he got to her house, she let him inside and took him through to the kitchen to look out into her garden and, yep, there was an elephant, and it was eating her plants. The officer called for backup. Turns out there was a circus relatively nearby and the elephant had escaped overnight.
20. Just Like The French
mcdonalds fries in red mcdonalds fries cupPhoto by Mak on UnsplashI had this roommate in my sophomore year of college, and we had a very weird, close personal relationship. I was in my Spanish professor’s office hours, and she was waiting for me at the cafeteria to have lunch together. Just before going in, I texted her and asked her to get me some fries, and then I turned off my phone.
I was showing my professor my paper on my laptop forgetting that I had iMessage on my laptop. A message from her came in, and I’ll never forget the look on his face: “I’ll get you fries but only if you sensually feed them to me while you call me daddy,” That was my last time visiting his office hours!
21. Of Angels and Demons
woman's facePhoto by Danie Franco on UnsplashI had a job where I was in the position to write-off a substantial phone bill because the customer said her mother was dying overseas. She said her mother had dementia and needed to hear things in her daughter’s voice to believe anything, including the doctor’s instructions. She was heartbroken and sobbing about how if she had the kind of money to pay this phone bill, then she would have just gone back to her country because the flight would have cost less.
She was right about that. I wrote off the entirety of the phone bill. She cried like a jilted lover in a rom-com and went on and on about how people like me are angels sent from heaven. After we were done I wished her a good evening and she obviously thought the call had ended. She turned to someone and said in a perfectly normal voice, “Well, that worked”!
22. So That’s What You Really Think Of Me, Huh?
white and blue yacht on sea under blue sky during daytimePhoto by Alina Kacharho on UnsplashI was with a group of friends and this person gave me their number. I often save people's names with a detail that reminds me of who they are—such as James From Chicago, for example. So this person was talking nonstop about their yacht when I met them. So I wrote something like "Gary Hasayacht" as their name in my contacts. Anyway, he sent me a text but it didn't go to my phone for a while because we had a bad signal. Then it popped up when my phone was in clear view right in front of me.
He sees the text, and his name as it's listed on my phone, and then goes “You know, it's really not that big of a yacht”...I wanted to sink into the floor, he definitely thought I was hitting on him and/or a gold digger.
23. Guest Again
woman in black and white long sleeve shirt sitting beside man in white dress shirtPhoto by Sebastian Coman Photography on UnsplashMy sister-in-law was staying with me for a week, which I didn’t really want. My sister knew about it and messaged me, “How are you dealing with (her name)? Do you need to pretend to have a nap again lol?” My sister-in-law was using my tablet at that time and saw the notification pop up. She hasn’t stayed with us since.
24. Silent As A Fish
boy in gray shirt using black laptop computerPhoto by Thomas Park on UnsplashMy daughter's school had an author come on a Zoom call to do a reading of a book called The Pout-Pout Fish. The school wanted to get the kids in on the reading, so the teachers set it up so that the kids would join in towards the end. They rehearsed it as such: “Okay, everyone, on the count of three, we'll say ‘blub blub blub’” and proceeded to read the book.
When they got to the part where they wanted the kids to join in it went something like this: “Okay, everyone, on the count of three. One...two..." and whoever was in charge of the meeting unmuted 300 children at once at the count of two. It was chaos. Imagine 300 children screaming “BAAAAHHHAAA BLUUUUBB AAAAAAAAHHHHHH SKKKKRREEEEEE FFFIIIISSSHHHHHH BBLLLUUUUUUBBBB” until they immediately muted everyone again.
25. Perfect Date
people inside building sitting and eatingPhoto by Eric Tompkins on UnsplashOne day, I met a guy from Tinder in a pub for our first date. Things were going well. We were having a laugh and flirting. After about an hour, I took out my phone to show him a funny meme and up popped a notification from my new period tracking app saying, "Today's the day! You're ovulating!" I swiped it away quickly.
I don’t think he got a good look at it, but I was still worried he'd think I was some child-obsessed weirdo who timed my dates so random Tinder guys could impregnate me. I turned off ovulation notifications after that.
26. Kiss And Tell
a close up of a magazine on a tablePhoto by Doyoun Seo on UnsplashI accidentally pocket-dialed someone and left about a two-and-a-half-minute voicemail of my son and me badly singing “Kiss” by Prince. But I had made an even more fatal error. See, the person I called was a DJ, who then turned it into a five-minute song mix. It was given to someone I worked with and eventually it made the rounds.
27. A Bit Of A Mess
dog's facePhoto by Milli on UnsplashA Hangouts notification popped up on the screen while the new boss was standing behind me to train me on a new program. The message from my husband asked, "How's the Pooper?" I was so focused on the task that she saw it before me. I only noticed when she collapsed to the floor uncontrollably laughing. I read it and immediately lost it too.
In tears from laughing, we were frantically talking over each other. She was trying to apologize for the unprofessional reaction, and I was trying to explain that Pooper was our dog's nickname because he was getting over a bout of diarrhea! The rest of the office was so confused!
28. Fluent Sarcasm
silver iMac with keyboard and trackpad inside roomPhoto by Carl Heyerdahl on UnsplashA couple of decades ago I was at a meeting with a few BizDev guys from a Japanese company we collaborated with. At the end of one of the design sessions, one of them said something to the others in Japanese and one of our artists who looked the part of a large, late-90s rapper responded in fluent Japanese. The meeting stopped, they stared, then asked for a few minutes alone.
Apparently, the exchange was: "I hate working with these guys, why do we continue this"? Trev, the rapper, said, "Of course you do. I mean, just look at us" or something to that effect. Ahh, memories.
29. Generational Problems
woman in white top wearing eyeglassesPhoto by RepentAnd SeekChristJesus on UnsplashI was showing my grandma pictures. She chuckled and quickly gave me back the phone. I saw that my husband had texted me, and my stomach dropped: It said, "I hate it when I'm pooping and my junk touches the water. Big junk problems." We laughed, but my husband is still horrified by the thought of my grandma knowing about his "big junk problems."
30. How To Lose 150 Pounds In One Day
a man holding his stomach with his handsPhoto by Towfiqu barbhuiya on UnsplashIn the early days of Facebook, my former father-in-law was just starting to discover it and connect with old friends. He was having fun seeing who gained weight, who got divorced, who’s a millionaire now, and so on. One guy he connected with gave him his phone number, so my father-in-law called him. The guy didn’t answer, so he left a message.
He said something like, “Hey Bill, it’s been a while. Just wanted to catch up. Give me a call back”, then he hit the end button and jokingly adds, “and I heard you got fat”! He looked down and to his horror the call was still active and recording the message. It probably sounded like, “….and I heard you got fat!….oh no! Oh my God, it didn’t hang up. Oh no, it’s still recor….click”.
To my knowledge, Bill never returned that call.
31. Want You Back
person in white long sleeve shirt holding black smartphonePhoto by Kelli McClintock on UnsplashA notification from a story app I play popped up while my boyfriend was holding my phone and said something like, "Mike misses you! Come back and play!" or something like that. Of course, all he did was pull the drop-down menu down to see the full notification and laugh. He teased me about it for hours.
32. Budding Bromance
red chevrolet crew cab pickup truckPhoto by Mary B on UnsplashA few years ago a guy was on the phone with my boss while we were in his work truck. He had the speakers on and I could hear everything. The guy goes to sign off and out of habit from talking to his kids he said, “Okay, love you. Bye”. But this is what made the moment perfect: My boss didn’t skip a beat and replied, “Love you, too, brother. Bye”.
33. Get The Picture
people standing in front of white wallPhoto by Jimmy Jin on UnsplashI was working at an Apple store as a Genius and was helping an older woman with her phone. This woman had to be in her late 60s early 70s, as sweet as could be, and was having some minor problems with her phone. So, she handed me her phone and just as she did, a message popped up with a picture of a toilet full of poo.
The message read, “How many times do I have to tell you to flush the stupid toilet?!” Not knowing really sure what to do, I gave it back and told her she had a message. She took the phone, half smiled, closed the message, and handed it back telling me, “Sorry about that, sweetheart, my daughter can be a bit of a jerk.”
34. Karen Mode Enabled
red and white leather padded chairPhoto by Sam Moghadam Khamseh on UnsplashI once got a call from one of my three least favorite patients at a dental office. Her tone was always accusatory, even when she was calling to ask if we were open that day. After we hung up, I saw her call again on the caller ID.
I couldn’t pick up because I was now talking to another patient in person. Then I noticed line one (her line) is on for a long time…like she’s leaving a...five-minute message? I check my voicemail and indeed, I have a long message of her walking around a grocery store with her daughter.
She had pocket-dialed me. I listened to the whole thing. She was trash-talking our office, but the thing is she kept outlining how we went above and beyond: “Oh, they think the problem is resolved just because they called me back three times and I didn’t answer after I didn’t text them back”.
It was clear we were giving a ton of effort to this patient and she was unhappy anyway. She thought it made us look bad. About a year, later she finally transferred to another dentist. They asked for records and I sent X-rays and such. Eventually, she filed a complaint against that dentist.
I don’t know why. Anyway, we were asked to provide our records to the state board. When that happens you dig up everything you possibly can or it can look like you’re hiding something. I knew just what to do. Luckily, I had saved that voicemail, included it in an mp3, and sent it down on a thumb drive with everything else.
I don’t know if they even listened to this woman needlessly complaining about excellent service, but I do know her complaint was dropped by the state board.
35. Please Don’t Fill ‘Er Up
person crying beside bedPhoto by Claudia Wolff on UnsplashI had a lady call who was sobbing so hard I could barely understand her. I determined it wasn't a medical issue, but she wasn't making much sense through the sobbing. I finally got her to calm down a little so that she could relay what the issue was. She said that she was at a full-serve gas station (I didn't even know those existed anymore).
She told me that the attendant had pumped too much gas into her car, but she had only asked for $20 and they had filled her tank. Then she broke down sobbing again. I asked her if the attendant was being rude or if they were threatening her (because I still couldn't figure out what the crying was all about). She said, "No, the attendant apologized and they gave me a receipt for the gas."
“OK,” I said, “Then what is the issue?” She burst into tears again and said that she was afraid they would chase her down if she tried to leave and say that she had stolen the gas. I went over what the attendant said to her again, and that clearly the attendant acknowledged that it was a mistake, so she was free to leave.
She was still sobbing when I said I had to let her go because this was not a matter for us. The very next call I got came in on the non-emergency line and it's the attendant from the gas station. She's super worried about the lady having the meltdown over getting at least $20 in free gas. The attendant was pretty sure that the lady wasn’t fit to drive due to all of the tears.
The attendant was just as baffled as I was over the lady's reaction to free gas.
36. The Call Is Coming From Inside The House
white smartphone near laptopPhoto by Rahul Chakraborty on UnsplashI was invited to my friend's house for a girls night. My friend has a kid and when I arrived it was already past his bedtime, so I decided not to ring the doorbell but to call my friend on her mobile and ask her to let me in. I dial and then...nothing.
I wait and wait for the call to go through, but nothing happens. Okay, then. I hang up and try to get my friend's attention by gently knocking. It works, she lets me in, and we begin drinking. Shortly after, my friend gets a voicemail and listens to it. She goes pale, swears, and plays it for all of us.
It's some pretty loud heavy breathing. The sound of someone getting it on, basically. Gross. We're all pretty freaked out, wondering who would do something like that, and if they called her phone on purpose or if it was just some random dialing a random number.
After much discussion, she decides to use the "call this number back" option, and as she is too spooked to talk to whoever might be on the other end, I bravely volunteer, prepared to cuss out some pervert for messing with my friend. You can guess where this is going.
She hands me the phone, having already dialed. Everyone is waiting with bated breath and my heart is beating like crazy. It rings, rings…And my own phone on the table starts ringing! Turns out that when I was waiting in front of the door, completely out of breath after having biked there for 30 minutes and then climbed four flights of stairs, the call did in fact go through to her voicemail.
My heavy breathing sounds remarkably like getting it on.
37. Can I Take A Message?
silver imac on white tablePhoto by N.Tho.Duc on UnsplashI was using my roommate's desktop Mac, and any notification you get on your iPhone will appear on-screen on all of your other Apple devices. I was on the computer in his bedroom while he was in the kitchen getting a snack, and he received a phone call from an unknown number. I saw the notification pop up on his screen.
I had an option to answer the call for him. I thought it would be funny if I took the call before he could answer it on his phone meaning he would have to run through to his bedroom where I would be silently laughing myself to an early grave. I clicked to answer expecting it to be some kind of cold-call, but it wasn’t.
That voice on the other end, amplified by my roommate's gratuitous speaker setup, went, “Hello. This is official business.” My soul then left my body. I absolutely cannonballed out of his room making the most apologetic eye contact I have ever made with a human being. He’d been caught in a “traffic incident” while out.
They got his contact details from the dashcam footage of his registration plate. They were calling him in for some questioning. It was a wonderfully devious experience, for which I was absolutely not prepared, and we have never spoken of it since.
38. That’s Wassup
white and gray concrete buildingPhoto by Giovanna on UnsplashWhen I was a college exchange student in Germany I asked my mom to call my home university's housing department on my behalf to inquire about my assigned dorm room for the next school year. You couldn't book online back then and their telephone hold times were legendarily long. To call the university from Germany was way too expensive, so my mom called on my behalf.
She explained that I was abroad on exchange, but when the lady put her on hold to check on my assignment, she didn't mute the phone. My mom heard, “This lady is calling for her daughter. When are these parents going to make these kids grow up and manage their own lives"?
She then returned and told my mom that I didn't get my first or second building request, completely unaware that my mom had heard her. Guess who got their first building and room pick upon return?
39. Friends Are A Blessing
black and yellow smartphone casePhoto by Denis Cherkashin on UnsplashIn high school, my friends and I started this thing where we gave each other funny contact names in our phones based on inside jokes. My high school friends’ contact names are things such as Baby America, Sugar Mama, and even weirder names. When we were juniors, there was a girl who was obsessed with a friend.
This led to me changing his contact name to “Booty Lord” with some rather suggestive emojis following it. Everything was fine and dandy until a few months later, when I had forgotten about it. I was applying for a leadership position in a club where I was a member and was required to have two letters of recommendation.
For the second letter, I asked one of my teachers, who was a very conservative man in his late 70s, if he could write one for me. Being a lazy man, he told me to write the letter myself with all the things I wanted him to say in it. Then he’d sign. After I finished writing it, I handed him my phone to let him read it.
I needed him to approve it before I printed it out. About 45 seconds after I gave him my phone, he, very loudly and incredulously, said, “Booty Lord?” and gave me a horrified look and shoved the phone back into my hands. That was hard to explain.
40. A Creature Of Habit
woman wearing eyeglassesPhoto by Mosoianu Bogdan on UnsplashDuring one of my cold calls at a call center, I was speaking to a seemingly very sweet if not a little sad-sounding old lady. She very politely told me something like, "No, I don't think so, it's just not a good time". We said our goodbyes, but as I'm navigating my software to hang up I realize she was still on the phone. Then it got really creepy.
I hear her walk a few paces, presumably to a sink where the faucet starts to run, and then she begins talking to herself. She repeats only that one phrase on a loop as if she's rehearsing it: "No I don't think so, it's just not a good time". She said it over and over in the same cadence and tone, for roughly two minutes before the creepiness got the better of my curiosity.
41. Sorry, Mom
a tablet computer sitting on top of a tablePhoto by David Švihovec on UnsplashMy roommate’s mom visited and we decided to go to lunch. While waiting, my roomie took out her iPad. We started playing Sorry. She didn't think of how all her devices were linked because a, "u wanna bang," text notification came on her screen. That was mortifying enough—but what came next was so much worse: A thumbnail of the dude’s junk. Sorry indeed.
42. Let Them Eat Cake
six teal icing cupcakes with sprinklesPhoto by Brooke Lark on UnsplashI work in a hospital and last week the operator was having a conversation with someone at 3:00 am. She did not realize it was broadcast over the entire hospital PA system. The conversation went like this: “I can’t believe they gave those nurses stupid cupcakes for nurses week. They should have gotten a bonus instead”.
I just about peed my pants laughing, but you know what? That lady was spot on.
43. Picture Perfect Parenting
turned on gold iphone 6Photo by Sara Kurfeß on UnsplashMy father-and-law and I were looking at pictures on my phone. My wife texted me, and the banner on the top of the screen read, "I've been a bad girl. I need a spanking…or maybe just a hard pounding?" Dude looked at me. I answered, "What kind of daughter did you raise?" He did not laugh as hard as I think he should have.
44. Beyond Tasteless
woman in black headphones holding black and silver headphonesPhoto by Charanjeet Dhiman on UnsplashOne time I got a call from some lady at a call center, and from her voice you could tell she was a hefty type of gal —she was the heavy breathing type. Anyway, the call ended but I didn’t press end since I assumed they would. They didn’t. I could hear this lady talking to her coworkers about fried liver and onions.
The way she talked and gushed over it made it sound so lewd. It was disgusting. She said she has it at least once a day as her meal. She even made slurping sounds followed by some type of moaning. I’ve never felt so disgusted in my life listening to someone describe food.
45. She Who Shall Not Be Named
brown rotary dial telephone in gray painted roomPhoto by Annie Spratt on UnsplashMy grandfather was once on the phone with his mother while his mother's sister was sitting beside her. When his mother went to hang up she said, “Love you, bye” as normal, but she forgot to hang up. It went from normal to tragic in an instant. The sister said, “You don’t really love him do you”?
To which his mother said, “No, not at all". Unfortunately, she outlived all her kids, but she passed on last year and I still refuse to call her my great-grandmother.
46. Did You Want Something?
two women laughing and holding a smartphonePhoto by Shingi Rice on UnsplashMy boyfriend has a friend that I have always suspected is in love with him. Once, she was showing me something on her phone, and a text from her mom popped up saying, “I still don’t understand why you can’t get with [bf’s name].” We pretended it didn’t happen.
47. The Math Ain’t Mathing
blue and white train under white clouds during daytimePhoto by Vadim Artyukhin on UnsplashOn my 21st birthday, I stupidly drank myself into oblivion. At the end of the night, I staggered over to the skytrain where there was this glorious 10-foot-tall stone abacus. Naturally, one's first instinct while under the influence is to play with an object of such wonder. It absolutely crushed my hand and broke through my fingernail.
But do I need a doctor? No way! I sauntered onto the train and proceeded to bleed profusely. A stranger handed me a glove to wrap around the wound and the rest of the night was a blur. Apparently, I had pocket-dialed my significant other when I sat on the train and he could hear people trying to offer me help while I screamed, "Don't trust the abacus! Screw the Abacus"!
Apparently, this went on for a long time before I started telling people that I injured my hand in the war. The moral of the story? You can't trust the abacus.
48. Scary Teenagers
woman walking near buildingPhoto by ian dooley on UnsplashOne of my classes in high school had a group chat to talk about homework and stuff, and when the nickname function got introduced, a lot of people ended up with exactly the type of nicknames you would expect from high schoolers. I was showing my dad a picture or something when the messenger bubble popped on the screen.
It said, "hxrny hardtick sent a message." My dad just like, awkwardly coughed and then stood up and walked away before I could explain. He never brought it up again, and I never got in trouble for it, so it could have been worse. I'm sure my dad was mildly traumatized seeing that on his teenage daughter's phone though.
49. The Way Of The Dododo
a person holding up a cell phone with the muppets on itPhoto by Brad on UnsplashOne time when I was using voip software on my work computer I was leaving a message for a client about data conversion services. After I left the message I thought I had hung up and I started singing the Jim Henson song, “Mana Mana Doo Doo Dododo”. Then noticed I was still on the call, so I hung up. I thought it was the end...it wasn't.
The next morning I come in to check the conversion voicemails. There was a very clear and professional message left by the client. He left his contact number and said to have a nice day followed by a short pause. Then he starts to sing the same song from the first message, picking up where I had left off when I realized I was still being recorded by the voicemail.
It was hilarious and made my day.
50. Nothing to Hide
woman in black tank top covering her face with her handsPhoto by Julia Taubitz on UnsplashOh boy, I have one and it is famous at my company now. I was the one to see the notification.
I teach English in China and two years ago I arrived at my first job about a month late thanks to visa issues. I survive the first two days OK and now it’s Friday and I get invited to a co-worker’s apartment to hang out, have a beer and meet some other expats. There's just a handful of us chatting and drinking casually.
Sometime later people have walked off or called it a night and it’s just me, a guy and a girl sitting on a couch. The guy shows me his phone, he wants to show me this mobile game that's very popular here in China. As he's doing this, a message pops up. It reads:
"I want your body in my mouth right now." It’s from the other girl in the room.
Me and the guy make brief eye contact immediately and then I look at her. She goes beet red and leaves the room. I'm then informed that I am the second person other than them in the company to know that the two of them are an item. She wasn't a shy girl at all and we now frequently make reference to this event.
And here’s a bonus happy ending: Mr. Body and Ms. Mouth are getting married this summer too!
It's a small world, and nothing proves this more than when you randomly bump into a friend or someone else you know (or used to know) accidentally.
I've bumped into old friends at my local library, gym, and Starbucks. It's not all that strange, and if we used to be good friends, it's nice to catch up.
However, sometimes, we bump into friends in weird places or through some strange coincidence. I switched workplaces and apartments a few months ago. On my first day, when I took the train home, I bumped into a co-worker at my previous workplace.
We didn't know each other too well, but it turns out we live in the same neighborhood and take the same train home!
Redditors have some stories about randomly running into friends in weird places as well, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor Eshoosca asked:
"What was the weirdest place you bumped into a friend?"
Other Side Of The World
"I was on a train in the Beijing Metro. It pulled up to a stop and the door opened at a random station and a friend from the UK stepped on."
– Theduckbytheoboe
"And to state how even more impressive that is, Beijing metro system has 478 stations!"
– luketas
"Happened to my dad on the Great Wall, ran into a friend he hadn't seen in a decade. They were there with 2 different tour groups. He used to joke he never met a stranger but running into someone he knew on another continent was impressive even for him."
– misoranomegami
Saw It Happen
"Not me, but I witnessed it in one of the big lifts coming up from Russell Square station on the London Underground. Two Australians in their 60s or so; one was working as a professor, the other on holiday with his family. Hadn’t seen each other in about 20 years from what I could gather, was so lovely to see!"
– arrowtotheaction
Bumped Into For A Drink
"I met a friend from Aberdeen, Scotland in a bar in Baku, the capital city of Azerbaijan."
– Mission_Progress_674
"I agree. People running into each other at airports or major tourists destinations is not so weird.. But this? Yeah."
– sterofGandalf
Getting In Trouble
"A coworker of mine here in Sweden told me she once had a boyfriend from the US who was here playing ice hockey. He only lived here for about a year. Almost 20 years later she was travelling in the US as a tourist, and somewhere in the endless corn field that is Illinois she got pulled over for speeding. Guess who the cop was that pulled her over?"
– Livid-Natural5874
Thinking Of You
"I was backpacking in Malaysia and met this cool english chick; we spent a week travelling together."
"3 years later, I had a layover at Changi airport. Singapore reminded me of her and I wondered what she was up to as I walked through the airport."
"I didn't have to wonder for long as she was a few gates down from me, waiting for a flight back to London."
– abe_froman_king_saus
That's Lunch
"During winter break I was coming home from snowboarding and stopped at a random McDonald's in the middle of nowhere. I'm waiting for my food and in walks 2 of my friends from college. I'm like an hour away from where I live and they're like 3 hours away from where they're from. Apparently they were seeing a football game and heading back and we all just happened to go to the same McDonald's in the middle of nowhere at the same time."
– pops992
From North Carolina
"My Dad and I went to play golf at a nice course in Ireland. Since it was just two of us, we were paired with 2 other random players."
"The 3rd was one of my Dad's former college roommates from the University of North Carolina (where I went as well) and the 4th was a similar aged guy who went to NC State."
"So we're in Ireland and all of the players were from the same part of North Carolina. Most bizarre coincidence of my life."
– councillleak
Kitty Reunion
"I went to visit my sister when she was living in Queens, NY. I hopped on the subway near her apartment and sat down next to the girl I had given away my cat to when I left college a few years earlier. It turned out she lived one stop away from my sister and they both worked in Times Square. I stopped by her apartment the next day to give my old cat a scratch."
– arothmanmusic
Nothing Like College
"I’m visiting a friend in the large freshman tower of her big school."
"We’re in a tower of about 500 dorm rooms, chilling in her room and all of a sudden, my cousin busts through the door yelling “I.m so sorry, hey can I hide I’m running away from the security police…. Wait cuz! That’s you!?!? What’s up Jamie?!” We’re like wait, how did you find us?"
"He had been in a field party, the cops came and sprayed tear gas to disperse, he stole the keg and put it in the back of his VW. He then drove to the freshmen towers, because he didn’t have anywhere to sleep and thought he could sleep on the communal furniture. When he realizes there is security at the front he walks by them and they start to chase and then he is in a multi floor chase with them! On the like 10th floor, he just randomly had just tried any dorm door"
– Pawpaw-22
If Only He Knew
"My girlfriend wants to take me to a burlesque show. I know two girls from high school that are involved in stuff like that. Names are passed along, no match, we're good. We get there and I've just sat down when one of the girls comes up behind me and says "Oh my god! Fox, is that you?""
"Apparently I know at least three girls from high school involved in stuff like that..."
– FoxtrotSierraTango
Yikes!
"Was a stripper. Weirdest moment was when my dad walked into the bar I was dancing at…"
"Told him he had to leave and he did"
– Fragrant_Jelly9198
Comment In Passing
"My wife and had only been married a couple of years in 1989 and went on vacation the same week my Dad went on honeymoon with his third wife. He lived in Tennessee and we lived in Florida. He was going to Virginia and we were staying in the mountains in West Virginia. None of us had cell phones in those days, but we joked before we all left that we should meet up since we'd be a lot closer than normal. On a whim my wife and I decided to go to Washington DC for the day and we ran into them at the Capitol."
– DistantKarma
Where Are They Now?
"Not a friend per se... I went to a drama/dance camp when I was 13ish. It was a lot of fun, and one of the camp leaders was a regional actor. This camp was about 2 hours from my hometown. Fast forward over 10 years later, I'm in a completely different city (90 min in another direction), taking an elevator in my work building. On steps this guy...dressed as a clown, carrying balloons. I'd recognize him anywhere. I got to tell him how much that camp meant to me, and it seemed to make his day. Until..."
"Him: "So what do you do now?""
"Me: "I'm an accountant.""
"He seemed disappointed LOL""
– Roopie1023
"He was disappointed in you for being an accountant? What a clown!"
– Superfly_1963
You Are Where I Am
"I don't know about weird, but me and my one friend have bumped into each other several times completely by random and we live nowhere near each other. One time we were both driving on the highway and came to a light, looked at each other at the same time and were both surprised. Another time was in the middle of Manhattan walking on the sidewalk through thick crowds. We literally bumped into each other."
– DisThrowaway5768
Fated To Be Friends
"Met a guy at the Mexico City airport in 2017, Paul. He's from Spain, I'm from Texas but living in Guatemala. We're both just at a layover, we smoke a cig or two together and chitchat about music and whatnot."
"Fast forward to 2019 (pre pandemic), met him again at Pacifica Sole (a beach resort in Guatemala). Totally random."
"Fast forward AGAIN to 2022. He was staying at the same hotel in Aruba with his new wife. We exchanged numbers finally cause at that point it was just weird..."
"Sh*t, he's probably reading this... hey Paul!"
– GladCricket
I want to meet a fated friend!
Do you have any similar stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and again, we can't help but make an "impulse purchase."
When we see something in a store window, in a catalog, or while surfing online, and think to ourselves, "I must have that!"
Then we waste no time in buying it.
Even if it was more money than we likely wanted to spend.
Of course, down the line, we might realize that doing so probably wasn't the best idea.
Be it an item of clothing that doesn't fit, a gadget that doesn't work, or something that just wasn't at all what it appeared to be, we find ourselves wishing more than anything that we didn't make this purchase.
Or at least kept the receipt.
"What's the most regrettable purchase you've ever made?"
Anything But Luxurious
"When I was in my early 20’s bought a used BMW with 80k miles."
"Everything in that car was crazy expensive to fix."
"Had it for a 1.5 years before I sold it."
"The amount of money I spend on buying+fixing that car I could have bought I brand new BMW."
"Learned my lesson, never buy used luxury cars."- Steve83725
And So Began A Habit They'd Do Anything To Break...
"That first pack of cigarettes."
"Should have never started."- xipisiw577
...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
"A $300 pogo stick."
"I still don't know what the f*ck I was thinking when I ordered that thing."- xayep54838
bart simpson pogo stick GIFGiphyYou'd Think Science Lovers Would Have Been More Meticulous...
"A shower curtain with the periodic table."
"We couldn't find it here in Denmark so I had to order it from the US which meant a huge shipping fee."
"Then there was added a custums fee making the total price almost $100."
"All of this would not have been so bad if not for the fact that we forgot to check the measurements, as it turned out to be only 180 cm long leaving a big gap at the bottom where water would splash through making the floor soaking wet."- xipisiw577
Not As Advertised
"A remote control car I begged and saved for when I was 9."
"It was terrible and I still haven’t got over the disappointment 30 odd years later."- thencamethethunder
Way To Soon...
"I bought a planner in January 2020."- Dear-Original-675
Typography No Refunds GIF by Abel M'VadaGiphyOof...
"2 engagement and wedding rings."- Tawebuse
Planning Ahead Doesn't Always Pay Off
"I was engaged for a little over a year, and since she didn't want to be on the pill, we used condoms."
"One time we ran out, and I bought a great big box of new ones, different flavors and ribbings and what not."
"Then the relationship ended, and I could feel the box lying there in my drawer, mocking me, almost untouched."-nadoba1473
winter olympics lol GIF by Animation Domination High-DefGiphyGood For One Good Ride?
"Gotrax scooter."
"That company is a joke."
"Their products' life cycle is measured in weeks before your scooter is a piece of plastic going to the landfill."
"I tried going through their customer service for repair parts and got some covered by warranty, only to have those parts break after a few days of light use."
"Even worse, when I asked for a tracking number for the parts, their CSR emailed me a spreadsheet of EVERY part order they had that day, complete with names, addresses, emails, telephone numbers."
"Only thing missing was the CC numbers."- AdWonderful5920
Hopefully They At Least Look Nice
"I bought some running shoes, I enjoy sitting down."- kenow18890
Timing Is Everything
"I bought a KIA two months before the Kiaboyz TikTok challenge went viral."
"Of course some teens tried to steal my car causing $2,500 worth of damage to my ignition and steering column."- Aldous_Hoaxley
car driving GIF by A Magical MessGiphyPlanning Ahead To The Max...
"A grave for me besides my father's grave."
"Bought it for $6.000 +- it was bad because there was a monthly fee $40 +- , after 5 years paying that fee I've had enough so I decided to sell my grave."
"Then i couldn’t sell due to one contract clause wich gives the cemetery practically all the selling money."
"As i result i had to return the grave to the cemetery for nothing."
"Good for them , stupid me lost all that money."- Icy_Cow4578
No Golden Ticket Either...
"When I was about three years old, I was with my family in a store that sold trading cards."
"There were a lot of packs of cards everywhere with different colors and pictures on them."
"All fairly standard trading card size."
"But then there was this one package that was definitely not a pack of cards."
"It was a candy bar."
"I could tell because it was extra long and shaped exactly like a candy bar."
"I asked my parents to buy it, but they didn’t want to."
"They asked why I wanted these cards so bad and I explained that they weren’t cards, but a candy bar."
"I essentially threw a fit until they decided it was just be easier to buy it for me."
"And then with some help, I opened my first and only ever pack of NASCAR trading cards."
"Definitely not a candy bar."
"I was inconsolable at the time, and still think about it to this day."- BillionaireGhost
tom and jerry eating GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphyAdvertising can be very persuasive, and sometimes all it takes is looking at a picture to make us think we positively need to have something.
Once we unwrap this, possibly expensive, impulse buy though, we are reminded that imagination and fantasy is always more appealing than reality.
Oh, the conversations that can be overheard in small spaces.
It feels like people have given up the will to care about who is listening.
Kids, parents, strangers, priests... we're all fair game.
But hearing drama on a plane can make you feel the most claustrophobic.
And those are the conversations you write down and write plays about.
People just can't help themselves in the air.
Redditor TheRealWhoDat wanted to hear about all the drama overheard in-flight, so they asked:
"What’s the craziest thing you’ve overheard on a plane?"
Planes, trains, automobiles... stuck in any conversation in a small space can drive anyone overboard.
Pull Over
toilet paper lol GIF by xxiyaaGiphy"A 5-year-old boy once said 'Dad, can you ask them to pull over so I can go to the toilet? Haha."
RonnyLuvsU
Sweetie...
"There was this kid behind me that kept telling her dad she lost her tooth and the dad was disgruntledly trying to find it, and some guy nearby said 'Hey kid, I hear if you lose your tooth on a plane, the tooth fairy gives you 50 bucks' to which the dad replied, 'Hey look, sweetie, the tooth fairy decided to sit next to us on the plane!'"
monkeysolo69420
POOP
"Everyone is boarded and the plane is in the middle of the taxi when a kid about 10 seats up and on the left side (I was on the right side) starts crying and screaming at the top of his lungs 'I NEED TO POOP' and 'I'M GOING TO POOP' over and over again until the seatbelt signs came off. I've never seen so many worried faces and the look of panic as the mother picked up the kid and bolted to the toilet."
cmcorms
Dishelved
"I am a pilot for a major airline. Decades ago I was running for a deadhead flight home and managed to snag the last seat. A mother and young daughter were seated next to me. Halfway through the flight the mother, seeing my disheveled look after flying all day, asked if I wanted her daughter's PB&J sandwich that she wasn’t going to eat. I politely declined, but she insisted. That was the best Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich I’d ever had!"
Delicious_Ad8201
Gaslighting
"The lady beside me told me that she was farting a lot, and she didn’t care about telling me because she wouldn’t see me again."
Pawpaw-22
Is a little social grace too much to ask?
Gotcha
Elementary School What GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"A guy coming home early to bust a cheating wife. He was on the phone with a friend/family who told him the other guy was at his house and they didn't expect him back until the next week."
mauore11
Fiji
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've been facing some strong headwinds and... it appears we burned up a little more fuel than we anticipated so we will be making a diversion to Fiji."
"This was flying from the US to Australia in a 747. I had seen on the trip map that we had been flying in the wrong direction for like 2+ hours."
"When we did land we landed hard and they told us that because of the landing we had to sit on the ground with the engines off in Fiji in the summer while technicians looked at the plane."
"When we were airborne again, our destination was fogged out and we diverted from Sydney to Melbourne. I don't ever want to spend 26 hours on a plane again."
thrax_mador
Up in the Air
"I was flying to Seattle from Atlanta and there was a baby crying for the majority of the flight. The parents were doing their best and it really was not their fault, just a shi**y situation. About halfway to Seattle, the man seated in front of the baby snapped and started screaming at the baby and his parents, cursing at them saying how they’re awful parents... when they land."
"The pilot had to come on and tell everyone to calm down, or else we had to make an early landing. We made it to Seattle and the guy ended up having to be tackled by 4 cops at the gate because he was trying to run away after being approached by them."
_surya_p_
TMI
"I was sitting next to a dad and his daughter who was about 5. He was super cool and was chatting away while his daughter started talking to me. She was so sweet and bubbly. And gave wayyy too much information to me. She said something along the lines of 'I went to my grandma and grandpa's house and they're married, I wish my dad would marry my mom but they can't talk to each other but I always wish they were married like my grandma, and grandpa.' Her dad would have been horrified. And I was just sad."
lpcoolj1
Conversion
south park hello GIF by The Book of Mormon (Musical)Giphy"Two Mormon missionaries trying to convert the sweet, naive man sitting between them the entire flight."
floweringsouls
This is why I never leave home without headphones and music.
Appropriate conversation is dead.