Not everyone is meant for the water. Certain people should just stay far away from a public pool- they're already germy and full of screaming children. The best solution would just be to get their own pool. Or a kiddie pool. Or just a bathtub. Whatever it is, stay away from the community pool.
Reddit user alipoop asked:
Lifeguards of Reddit, what's the weirdest thing you've seen someone do in the water?
Are you serious?
"We once had a man come into our pool for lane swim."
"He had all the latest gear, brand new suit, cap and goggles."
"He got to the edge of the deck and did some arm circles, adjusted his goggles and dove into the pool."
"He popped up for a few seconds then promptly started flailing and gasping for breath."
"A colleague jumped in and pulled him out immediately."
"We were all really confused until he told us he had never swam before and he thought it came naturally."- shann-tastic
Some people will do anything for attention.
"Fake drowning by a woman who admitted that she wanted my attention. I wanted to drown her."- Mentalfloss1
GiphyYou know you can buy oxygen, right?
"A lady once had an asthma attack so we put her on the oxygen only to find out that her oxy saturation levels were at 100%, turns out she just wanted an oxygen high."- ohshitaratoohhhshit
Thank goodness she had that life jacket.
"Life guarding was my first job when I was 16."
"I watched a little girl around 9-10 years of age dive head first, with a life jacket on, into a kitty pool of about 6 inches."
"Needless to say, she smoked her dome and I had to patch up a little cut on her forehead."- plain_ass_username
GiphyWe love a witty lifeguard.
"Couple having sex in the water."
"Not as fun as you would think though."
"There's lots of kids around."
"We'd yell that 'this is a family facility, not a family making facility' and they'd always stop."- fellowneighbour
Somehow so smart yet so dumb.
"On the hottest day of the year when we were short on guards, we paid a guy 5 bucks to s**t in the pool so we could clear it for an hour to clean."- jackaloper92
Kids today and their anarchy.
"I worked 3 years as a lifeguard for my local community center."
"Our place was somewhat unique as we both had an indoor pool and water park, complete with water slide and other such things."
"There were also containers filled with pool toys and other things like life preservers, life vests, and kick boards."
"One day, while I was on break, my supervisor comes running into the break room and tells all of us (there were three of us on break) to come help control a situation in the water park area."
"Apparently, one of the summer camps' kids had rallied enough kids together and coordinated them into constructing makeshift rafts with all the pool equipment."
"By the time we made it out on deck, they had already made a motley fleet of boats pieced together with pool noodles, life jackets, and other floating toys."
"The issue however was not that they had Macgyvered this little fleet, but how the camp had split into factions and begun an all-out naval engagement in the pool."
"Pool noodles were now being used as makeshift water cannons, and things only escalated from there."
Giphy"Some of the kids had broken into our supply closet and found our stash of other water toys, super soakers, water balloons, etc., and came whooping out onto the deck."
"A few of the kids made armor out of the kick boards and vests and were wielding the buoys we use for water aerobics like clubs."
"Others had taken the water balloons to the top of the water slide and were lobbing them off in some crude bid for air superiority."
"This one girl had taken her camp shirt and tied it to a pool skimmer, waving it like a flag and yelling 'FOR THE KING! FOR THE KING!'
"It took thirty minutes to regain control of the situation, in which time one of the guards required stitches due to being pistol whipped with a water gun by an overzealous 11 year old."
"We never did invite that camp back."- RorschachtheMighty
The Strangest Superstitions People Actually Observe | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
The world can be a superstitious place. If you've ever knocked on wood or thrown salt over your shoulder then you've run into one or two throughout your life...The cycle begins.
"I once watched as another guard jumped in then performed a front active rescue."
"As she pulled the victim up he threw up all over her."
"Leading her to throw up all over him."
"And then back and forth."
"Causing both of them to start drowning."
"Then I jumped in from the other side did a rear active rescue on my own coworker as another guard saved the original victim."
"Awkward day..."- joepbrett
That can't be comfortable.
"I was a lifeguard at a camp, and this Pentecostal church came to stay, about 500 of them."
"Even in the pool, the boys would wear slacks and a belt."
"No shirt, but they'd be wearing their tan slacks, and brown belt."
"Blew my mind."- BryceGlass
Not that hunky.
"Was a lifeguard at an indoor apartment pool."
"One lady was mostly paralyzed on one side."
"She also could not swim in deep water."
"So, lady would do laps in the shallow end, but because of the paralysis, would end up swimming into the deep end where she would promptly panic."
"She did this over and over and over."
Probably these days, twenty years later, I would ban her from the pool."
"But I was a teenager at the time who certainly did not want to make any waves, so I ended up making literal waves regularly to save her."
"I would suggest that she liked being saved by the hunky lifeguard to deliberately drown herself so regularly, but I'm not that hunky."- Knave7575
GiphyVomit worthy.
"I worked at a college pool so we had a standard Olympic sized high dive."
" I had to tell a kid that was at least 11-12 yrs old not sit under the board and drink the water falling off the people about to jump."
"I can't imagine how much a**/foot/b*lls water that kid ingested."
"It was sick."- flamingbirdsonfire69
Are you sure that wasn't a rabbit in a bikini?
"Not really in the water technically but still a head scratcher."
"Used to work at a very high end gym back in college."
"You could pay annually ~$1000 or monthly to the tune of about $120."
"Had a regular who would come in late afternoons every sat and sun to our outdoor pool."
"This lady was absolutely stunning."
"Maybe early 30's and the physique of a super model."
"Always wore a super tight purple bikini and lounged out on the stone wall encompassing the hot tub."
"Never actually in the hot tub but would lie on her back along the wall."
"Made it really hard as a 20 year old male lifeguard to concentrate on the people in the water.'
"Thank god for sunglasses."
"It was also hard to remain focused on the other patrons as this lady would proceed to then one-by-one pick the leaves off the shrub next to the wall, eat them, and hold a conversation with herself while staring into the sky."
"As the leaves would start to dwindle on that particular shrub over the course of the week, she'd move farther along down the wall and start on the next one."
"This continued every summer for about 2 years until I left for the military."
"Wherever you are lady, I hope you're doing well outside of your career calling as a deer or rabbit."
"There was also the man who got pissed when we closed the waterslide for the night so he went over to the children's wading section, took a big dump, and ran, fleeing out the side gates."
"Jokes on you buddy, we got to shut down for the day and got paid to f*ck around on my phone in the guard office."- S-S-Stumbles
No bricks allowed.
"Late to the party but I was a lifeguard for about 6 years."
"About half of my job was telling people, "as a reminder, please do not throw any of the rocks, sand or seaweed at the beach (it's crowded are you serious?!)"
"This one guy shouts back, 'can I throw bricks?'"
"My out-loud response was to ask if he had any bricks on him at the moment."
"He insisted he didn't have any on him, but could go out to his truck and get a bunch."
"I responded into the megaphone, 'as a reminder, please do not throw any of the rocks, sand, seaweed or bricks at the beac'".
'We both yucked it up a bit and went back to our respective lives'."- MrOwlsManyLicks
GiphyFather-son bonding.
"Worked as an open water lifeguard last year, and worked on a 100m long inflatable assault course."
"Throughout the hottest parts of the summer, seaweed would often be found along the edges and safety straps, the course was made out of multiple inflatable obstacles fastened together, and it was our job every morning to clean this."
"Sometimes spots were missed, as we had about 30 minutes for just one of us, the task ran on a rota, so a different person did it each day, to clean the entire park."
"Halfway through one day, a dad and his son find a strap covered in seaweed and jellyfish eggs."
"Usually people recoil and stay away upon touching the stuff, but instead these two pull the seaweed and eggs off the strap and throw it back and forth at each other for about half an hour."
"Was weird to watch, and kinda disgusting."- marcus__lfc
Literally seeing Red!
"A woman was dying her hair in the hot tub! "
'Everything was red.'
The stories are endless
"I see a whole lot at my resort park.'
"Guests wearing masks above their noses, letting the water in, doing god knows WHAT kinds of strokes."
"Dead man floating etc."
"The one thing that is probably the most common weird thing though, is little kids, 5-10 carrying multiple heavy rocks down our realistically decorated river."
"So they're sputtering and kicking hard and I just look at them."
"'Hey bud/sweety, just...drop the rocks?'"
"They look at me like I've threatened to take away their pet."- ClydeLeArtiste
Art Photoshop GIFGiphyLeaving his mark...
"Not strictly pool-related, but part of lifeguard duties was to clean the changing rooms at my pool."
"Anyway, we had an 8-ish-year-old kid, who we were pretty sure was a serial sh*tter."
"Every time he and his family went for a swim, there would be a sh*t left for us in the showers."
"Happened 2 or 3 times before we didn't see them again."
"Don't want to imagine what he's allowed to do at home if that's what he does in public..."
Well, that's one way of doing it.
"A bit late but this only happened today."
"Mum, prob 40s, is taking [a child], 10 for a swim."
"Nothing seems suspect, just the usual mucking around."
"Wouldn't have paid them anymore attention than the rest of the public when the kid comes running out the pool."
"First no-no, but too far away to do anything about it so I just watch."
"Kid runs up to the fountain to grab a drink."
"Normal until he doesn't swallow."
"This kid walks his ass back to the pool mouth still full of water and baby bird style feeds his mum the water so she can have a drink."
"Like I've seen some weird shit working at the pool but I've never been so weirded out."- barnacle_soap
Not cut out for the job
"As a lifeguard you are required to have 4 hours of training each month, at least where I worked you were."
"During one of these training sessions, I was the one that was chosen to be on stand."
"While I was, I saw a new guard grabbing onto one of the supervisors necks and trying to stay afloat."
"I never saw that new guard again."
"I guess they couldn't swim, and I got yelled out for not jumping."- eric12343
american dad! eating GIFGiphyThey could talk the talk...
"I use to be a lifeguard at a boy scout summer camp in Hawaii and it was the first day of camp which is the swim test to see who can and cannot swim."
" I have this kid walking with me and him telling me 'oh I am on a swim team' and other stuff."
"We reach the deep end and I tell him to jump in and start swimming."
"He jumps and sinks straight to the bottom."
"I am about to jump in and get him but he breaches the water and I reach the rescue tube out to him and pull hm out of the water."
"I later find out that he is in the learn to swim class."
"I guess he thought swimming was gonna be easy."- PeekClamBeDyslexic
Stories both sweet and sour
"I'm a lifeguard at three neighborhood pools."
"I haven’t seen anything particularly shocking, but my boss shared a few of her stories with me."
"A man named James is banned from the pool for 'flashing his peepee'."
"Most recently, a person who has yet to be caught took the biggest crap in the women’s restroom."
"It was not in fact in to toilet. "
"They had decided to walk past the stalls and take a massive dump in front of the sink."
"This one I actually saw."
" A literally girl and her mom and dad come into the pool."
"I am on stand and don’t pay particular attention to them until our of the corner of my eye I see this 10-13ish girl hobbling into the pool with a sparkling mermaid tail."
"I kinda felt bad for her because this huge group of teenagers stopped in their tracks to stare at her as she proceeded to wiggle through the water."
"I was so scared that i would have to jump in and save this girl because her legs are basically bound together and swimming became extremely tiring and difficult."
"Her mom looked so proud of her and was yelling at her husband, who was visually embarrassed, to take pictures."- A-Subconcious-Memory
In and out
'One time, as I was maybe 30 minutes from closing a pool, man came into the pool area."
"My first thought was 'oh no, I'm gonna close late today', but instead of swimming laps like most people, the guy jumped into the pool, sat on the bottom against the wall for maybe 30 seconds, and then left."
"Didn't even swim a little."- -_Pancake_-
Chilling Pool Party GIF by GIPHY CAMGiphyWhat does he get up to in private?
"When I was a lifeguard, there was this one guy I worked with."
"He was a fairly nice dude; kinda nerdy."
"Was a camp counselor, made us all listen to Glee covers of top 40 hits while we lifeguarded with him."
"But when things were slow or he was on a break, etc., me and my friend I worked with noticed he left a tab open on one of the office computers."
"The office is on the pool deck so you can sit at the desks and also look out at the pool."
"And it was videos of these sexy girls speaking ASMR telling stories or just talking."
"They weren’t pornographic, but it was just so weird cause it was definitely low-key erotic and he was just watching them on a public computer at work."
"Definitely started noticing his creepy vibes more after that."- lavendermilktea
Next time, maybe we'll just dip out toes in the water or stay on dry land.
Social Norms That Are Super Weird If You Really Think About Them
"Reddit user irish-springs asked: 'What are some social norms that are pretty f**king weird if you think about it?'"
The basics of human behavior have changed so much over time.
The change feels especially rampant over the last decade.
Somethings that were considered "normal" or "just everyday behavior" have been researched, studied, and cast aside.
A lot of these changes are for the better.
Once you do a deep dive into a few "traditions," you stop and ask yourself...
"Who the H*LL thought this was ever a good idea?!"
But once you learn more, than you do better.
Redditor irish-springs wanted to hear about which norms in life feel very outdated, so they asked:
"What are some social norms that are pretty f**king weird if you think about it?"
I'm used to odd behaviors.
So I doubt I'll be shocked by this list... well, maybe.
Sorry Bob...
Roses Funeral GIF by Un si grand soleilGiphy"Spending so much for a funeral. Uncle Bob is dead, a $1200 coffin or a $100 coffin is the same for him."
8champi8
"Funerals are just weddings with really muted colors and a few extra sad people."
Oseirus
"Paying tens of thousands of dollars to bury corpses in the f**kin' ground."
ieatsthap***y
"It's even worse: we are not burying in the ground. That would be better. We are paying to embalm corpses so they are preserved for a long time, in wooden/metal boxes, using valuable space."
"Modern embalming techniques can preserve a corpse for a long time. If we were simply burying them in the ground and letting them decompose, it would be way, way better."
IWishIHavent
We Hear You!
"I feel like too many people talk on speakerphone. Do you remember when conversations were private?"
kellykellyculver
"I live in a cul de sac and a neighbor has their phone hooked up to the car Bluetooth. I can hear the phone ringing while calling someone and I can hear the entire conversation from my garage with 2 houses in between us. It's fascinating and I don't think they have any idea how loud it is."
ember3pines
"If someone is having a conversation on speakerphone in my presence, I am now part of the call and will insert myself into it as much as possible."
twilightchickens
No Frills
"The expectation to have a huge wedding."
asj0107
"The expectation to have a wedding at all. They’re overrated IMO."
hiremeplz2017
"My fiancé and I are having a registrar's office wedding, just us, two witnesses, the registrar, and the paperwork. His sister complained we weren't having a proper one and that solidified my position to do it this way. No frills, no drama. We can't decide if we want a reception of any kind."
ElliotFrickinReed
A Creepy Custom
wedding fail GIFGiphy"Garter toss is f**king weird."
coronakiddos
"Yeah, we did not do this at my wedding. Really creepy custom. I don’t need to see my coworkers and my husband’s friends clamoring for something that’s just been around my thigh. And I wanted to keep my bouquet, so I tossed the maid of honor’s bouquet instead."
ZoraksGirlfriend
That garter idea always seemed off to me.
Danger Attire
Black And White Vintage GIF by FilmStruckGiphy"I can’t think of a single reason for ties being the standard for business attire other than it’s a reminder to everyone in the room that you could be easily strangled at any time."
Taxitaxitaxi33
Small Talk
"Asking people how they're doing as a matter of courtesy when you truly don't care and are hoping they just say 'good hbu' in response."
TheMaskedSandwich
"You know, you walk out the door. You see someone that you know, and they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand."
shall_always_be_so
"It’s even perfectly acceptable to respond with, 'Hi, how are you?' And have neither person ever actually answer with how they’re doing."
OfficialLindsayLohan
Traditions
"Blowing out candles on a birthday cake."
Lallner
"It never occurred to me to look up the origin until now..."
"For the Ancient Greeks, putting candles on a cake was a special way to pay tribute to the Greek moon goddess, Artemis. They baked round cakes to symbolize the moon. Candles were added to represent the reflected moonlight. Candles on cakes became a popular tradition long ago in Germany, too. For religious reasons, Germans would place a large candle in the center of a cake to symbolize 'the light of life.'"
"Some scholars believe that other meanings have also been attached to the use of candles on cakes. People may have believed that the smoke from the candles carried their wishes and prayers to gods who lived in the skies. Others probably believed the smoke helped to ward off evil spirits. Today, we still put birthday candles on cakes. Many people still hold superstitious beliefs about them, too."
powderp
Wasted Paper
"Cards. I'm just giving Hallmark money in exchange for a piece of paper that someone's going to look at for about 10 seconds and then completely forget about."
TheTurtleOfWar
"Lately I've been making my own handmade cards and they get a lot more love than your average store-bought ones, and I see the ones I make always end up out on my friend's dressers for display over anyone else's."
hellboyyy25
"Hallmark cards are an all-too-common phenomenon of capitalism replacing a genuinely heartfelt gesture with a store-bought, mass-produced one… and in so doing, removing the meaning from it altogether."
bearded_dragon_34
Hard Labor
Working Out Of Office GIF by This GIF Is HauntedGiphy"Working your butt off for 65 years to then live for 10 years."
maybetoomuchrum
There are so many things on this list I never thought about.
We really need some life updates.
I like the idea of working less, for sure. (Or at least not to death!)
People Break Down The Most Embarrassing Phase They Ever Went Through
Growing up was full of learning opportunities and expressing ourselves, but some of those phases were more successful than others.
Some of them were so embarrassing or cringey, it's almost impressive.
Redditor SurfinRay12 asked:
"What's an embarrassing phase you went through?"
The Favorite Accessory Phase
"In high school, I would regularly wear a top hat to school because I thought it made me look cool and edgy."
- SadCicada
The Choosing a Style Phase
"I used to wear an old, thrifted black trench coat and fake Birkenstocks to school in the 90s with a knitted beret."
"I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be goth or grunge. But I was mostly supporting myself and definitely didn’t have the money to buy more than a few pieces of clothing a year anyway."
- TheLakeWitch
The Enlightened Phase
"I went through the edgy intellectual phase as a teenager because I read one book on philosophy and was therefore an enlightened genius."
- MagnificentExample
"I bet it was Nietzsche, lol (laughing out loud)."
- ShiroKuroKage
"It was. I felt like I had gained access to secret elder lore that no 15-year-old should possess."
"Thankfully I kept most of my thoughts to myself, and that there was an even more insufferable guy in my year because otherwise I would have been one of the cringiest people in the school."
- MagnificentExample
The Nihilism Phase
"Reading Kurt Vonnegut in high school started that phase for me. That idea that everything is bulls**t along with my parents going through a nasty divorce really turned me off to basically everything."
"I didn't take the SAT, didn't go to college. Never wanted to work in an office. Now that I'm 31, it's definitely changed and I would love an office job, but I still think everything is bulls**t."
- paperpens
The Fake Accent Phase
"I spoke in a fake British accent for a whole month at school."
- buckyhermit
"In middle school, I brought a dry-erase board to school and communicated by writing on it instead of talking for literally no reason at all."
- Zekumi
The Poser Phase
"My ninth and tenth-grade years."
"Black leather motorcycle jacket heavily customized with spikes, leopard print fabric, band patches, and stripes made with white-out. Black jeans sewn tight with more band patches. Black band shirts with sleeves and collar ripped off. 14-inch Doc Martens boots. Studded, bondage, and/or bullet belts placed loosely around the waist."
"And I'm deaf and almost never attended a concert. What a f**king poser."
- schwarzes__loch
The Unique Typing Phase
"I ussseedddd to typeee like thisss."
- scarr3d_angel
"Lol (laughing out loud) I Used To Type Like This !"
- h*eforspaghettios
"I Know Someone Who Uses To Type Like This Too And I Started Doing It Back To Her And Found It Can Become Strangely Addictive Lol."
- anderoogig
"I Used To Talk Like This Too But It Just Looks Like I'm Writing A Book Title."
- imnotnocturnal
"i u s e d t o t h i n k t y p i n g l i k e t h i s w a s c o o l"
- pxstel_flower
The Name-Changing Phase
"That time at 16 when I wanted to change my name to Shampajne."
- PrimCrow
"What a Tragedeigh."
- Brodojour
The Celebrity Connection Phase
"During an 'introductions game' on the first day of second grade (six or seven years old), I told the entire class that Amanda Bynes was my step-sister."
"I then kept up the charade for the school year. One kid even asked for an autograph and I gave him a piece of notebook paper with her name written down in my baby cursive handwriting."
- sleepyselenophile
"I once told a girl in my class that Melissa Joan Hart was my stepsister, and the girl gave me a letter to give to Melissa that said how much she loved her and her show. That's crazy how similar our stories are."
- LepreConArtist
The Emotion-free Phase
"'Emotions are weak and useless. I have no emotions, I'm a logical robot.'"
"Sad girl. Very sad. Emotional unavailability is nothing to be proud of. I'm happy I grew past it."
- Wafael
"Oh my god, I went through that phase, too. I actually recently found my Fictionpress account from 2005, where I described myself as a 'prototypical human' who was 'missing the emotions of sadness and love.' Not really something to brag about, is it?"
- ostentia
The Oh So Classy Phase
"In junior high, I went to Chess King and bought a black nylon button-down shirt with a red Japanese sun cheaply printed on the back and red Japanese characters down the front. It had a big floppy collar and glossy black buttons."
"I wore that s**t to school with the top three buttons unbuttoned. A 13-year-old kid in a rural New England town in 1986 wearing a cheap, shiny disco shirt that's at least eight years out of fashion tucked into his Tuffskin jeans without a belt. Pure class at recess."
- hiro111
The Country Pride Phase
"After I graduated from boot camp in the Navy and finished A-School in Florida, I went home on leave and wore my dress blues to IHOP when I went to dinner with my family."
"This was back when the Military was glamorized, so I considered it celebrity status. I was young and it was the pinnacle of achievement for me and wanted to show it off. And I figured I had the right to because I earned it."
"Now, I cringe every time I think back to when I did that."
- LaughableEgo740
The Tough Breakups Phase
"Crying over dudes who treated me like garbage. Embarrassing."
- Proper-Bid-9732
The Book Series Phase
"I read 'Warrior Cats' religiously in sixth grade, hissed at people when I was mad, and insisted on going by 'Scourge.'"
- Noimnotareddituser
"Dude, I f**king LOVED that series in middle school! I never did anything like that but godd**n did that series have me hooked! Ironically though... I'm a dog person, and allergic to cats."
- Xavak_Stormbringer
The Random Words Phase
"I have a thing where I pick up words and just use them a lot for no good reason and I can't help it. Ever. It happens pretty automatically."
"The worst one I had was Ahoy. Said Ahoy instead of hi and a lot of other things I wish to forget."
"Currently, it's Goofy, which arguably is a lot better than saying Ahoy to everything."
- Possessed_potato
A lot of these were really cringey, mostly because we could see ourselves doing some of the same things when we were younger.
At least we can say that we grew past these things, and now we can look back and laugh.
When we were kids, we could not wait to grow up. We had big dreams about what we were going to do and who we were going to be, and we could not wait to get started.
But there were some things we were expecting that were totally off the mark, too.
Redditor Caseated_Omentum asked:
"What's the biggest misconception you had about adulthood?"
Staying Up Late
"I thought that I could stay up as late as I wanted. I envisioned myself adventuring all over town until the wee hours, meeting interesting people and experiencing life."
"Turns out 'as late as I wanted' is about 8:00 PM after a quiet night in with my girlfriend and a cup of tea."
- Calm-Ad6493
Going By Too Fast
"Time. It turns out adulthood is stuck on fast forward."
- VegetableTears
"Boy! Is this ever true! A week used to crawl by and now you blink your eyes and it's, 'Is it (choose a day) again already?'"
"Summers were almost never ending and now they are over in a blink of the eye!"
- miffsc
Lots of Guesswork Included
"I always thought that adults knew what they were doing."
- sorengray
"We're all winging it. Most of us are competent at certain s**t and can function day to day. I've been in my field for nearly five years now and work with people in my field that have been in it for nearly forty years. I'm not bad at what I do and they're great at it."
"We still end up scratching our heads, wondering what the h**l we should do next on a project, because that s**t's just weird."
- thewaterglizzy
Forever High School
"I thought graduating high school meant I'd be out of high school. It turns out that all of life is high school. I'm still dealing with the exact same problems except even fewer people care."
- Individual_Speech_10
"That was the biggest disappointment of my life. As a kid growing up, I absolutely hated most other kids for all the bulls**t mind games, bullying, playing favorites, etc. I couldn't wait to be an adult where that all stopped, life was fair, and bad people were brought to justice."
"Holy f**k was I ever wrong. As you said, adults are just kids in grown-up bodies as nothing else has changed."
- ZiggerTheNaut
Full-Circle Moment
"I was always a little salty that my dad was kind of a goofball. He'd play pranks and s**t and you couldn't confide anything seriously in him like you had a crush on a girl or something, because he'd make fun of you."
"I wanted a dad like in the movies where they put you up on their lap and say, 'Now listen here sport...+ and go into some kind of sage-like monologue on how to handle life's problems."
"Then I got to be an adult and I'm EXACTLY like my dad. And so is every other adult male I know."
- SweetCosmicPope
So Much Free Time!
"You could do anything you wanted, whenever you wanted."
"I never have the time between working full time and being exhausted the rest of the time, lol (laughing out loud)."
- ravynmaxx
Owning a Home
"Homeownership apparently, lol (laughing out loud)."
- Gentleman_T-Bone
"I came here to say this! Embarrassing, I even thought I'd have like a beach house as well. I was so dumb."
- PumpkinPieIsGreat
"Growing up, I was told I may inherit my parent's house one day. I was grateful but wasn't that excited because it was a small house on a small property and I always wanted a nice piece of land."
"Now home prices in that area are creeping into the high six-figure range and I'd be over the moon to have it."
- slinkocat
Hard Work Means Success
"If you work hard and give everything you got, then you’ll succeed and get what you worked so hard for."
- Useful_Dane_319
"As someone who works in finance, the most valuable lesson I've learned is that money doesn't come from hard work, it comes from the presence of existing money."
"Wall Street bros who make seven figures don't work any harder than your average teacher or public servant busting their butt making 50 thousand a year at best."
- AdmiralPlant
A Living Wage
"I thought that most jobs actually paid a living wage. When I was a pre-teen, I thought that all you had to do was show up to basically any job clean, polite (and don't be a total id**t obviously, but you don't have to be Einstein either), and work 40 hours a week, and you would have everything you need."
- True-Sound-9240
Easier After Graduation
"I was under the false impression that having a job would be less stressful than going through school."
- Friendly_Neighbor12
"Well, it depends. Until I was 14, I used to go to school from 7:30 AM to 4:30 PM with an hour to get lunch. When I got home, I still had to do homework or study for tests. Now I work the same amount of hours but when I finish working, I'm free to do whatever I want. So I would say at least in my case that school was way more stressful."
- CollapseIntoNow
Happily Ever After
"I thought you'd always have a relationship and money and you lived happily ever after."
- llcucf80
Chronic Illness
"I thought that your body would remain healthy. I got chronically sick in my late 20s (27+). I'm 33 now, and I hate it. Docs still don’t know what’s up. SMH (Shaking my head)."
- xAdrtxx
Natural Obstacles
"I believed quicksand would be a real concern."
- Euclid_Interloper
"I thought being on fire would be a more common occurrence, what with how often we were taught about stop, drop, and roll."
- anonymousbach
Professionally Independent
"I used to think adults had autonomy in their jobs. Like, as a professional who went to college, your expertise and knowledge would be sought after and people would treat you with respect. But no, we're just capitalist pawns."
- Majestic_Heart_9271
Actually Much Better Than Expected
"That it would be zero fun and all bills."
"This is way better and more carefree than childhood! No one controls me and I don’t have to babysit anyone if I don’t want to! No one yells at me and I can 'talk back' if I want to!"
"I can just… be. I don’t have to beg and plead to leave the house and see friends."
- Dom-Franson
"I think this ALL the time. I'll be having the time of my life just... I don't know, WEARING SHORTS IN PUBLIC, or HANGING OUT WITH SOMEONE THAT ISN'T A FAMILY MEMBER, or something absolutely crazy like that, at almost 30 years old, and think, 'Wait, why were all the adults in my life when I was little telling me adulthood would suck so much because I would have to figure everything out for myself?'"
"That's the part I love the most about adulthood. No controlling, narcissistic, emotionally abusive a**holes around to dictate my every move and tell me I'm a worthless female. H**l, I don't even have to speak to them as an adult!"
- thatonespicegirl
For most, adulthood fell far short of what their childhood dreams called for.
But a few loved the independence that came with adulthood after having traumatic childhoods.
This is one of those concepts that is all about perspective, and all we can really do is try to make the best of it.
Few things are as complex and interesting to us as our own bodies. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have served to make us one of the true marvels of nature. And yet most of us spend so little time thinking about it. It takes intricate cooperation between thousands of working parts just to keep us alive. Understanding those pieces that make us who we are and how they work together is both fascinating and important. Here are our favorite facts about the human body!
1. Getting Skinnier
Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour. That adds up to about 1.5 pounds every year.
In fact, most of the dust underneath your bed is probably your own dead skin.
2. Baby Bones
A human baby has 99 more bones than an adult.
A baby's skeleton is mostly made up of cartilage. As a person grows up, most of this cartilage turns into adult bone through a process called ossification. This process results in the fusing of certain bones. Consequently, newborn babies have around 305 bones, while an adult has just 206 bones.
3. A Few Small Pieces
An adult human being is made of approximately 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms. (For reference, that's 7 Octillion, or more than 7 trillion trillion.)
Obviously, this varies based on the size of the person and their body composition.
4. Born To Be Astronauts
We've all seen the movies: if you're ever thrown out into the vacuum of space, you can basically expect to disintegrate, right? Or your blood will boil, or something.
Not true! Turns out, we're made of tougher stuff than Hollywood seems to think. For example, although many liquids do boil in open space, our blood is kept in check by our circulatory system and would, therefore, be OK. Freezing isn't a concern either, as a vacuum actually acts as a pretty good insulator.
It's not all good news though: your death would still be pretty gruesome. The lack of air will render you unconscious in about 15 seconds... before you asphyxiate and die in about a minute. Then your body would float alone through the vast emptiness of space until... Look, it gets ugly. That's all we'll say about that.
5. Noses > Eyes
Researchers estimate that the average human being can distinguish between 1 trillion different odors. This is much more acute than the human eye, which can distinguish only about 10 million different colors.
Noses truly are the vanilla of the human body: wildly underappreciated, and they smell great.
6. Humans Are Gross
Ready to get grossed out?
In a lifetime, an average person produces about 25,000 quarts of saliva—enough to fill two swimming pools. We also produce about a liter of mucus per day.
Interestingly enough, though, all that saliva plays an absolutely crucial role in keeping us clean. Consequently, people who have low levels of saliva are far more vulnerable to oral infections and cavities.
7. Mining The Body
Your body has enough iron in it to forge a metal nail that is 3-inches long. But that's not all. You also have enough sulfur to kill all the fleas on an average dog, enough carbon to make 900 pencils, enough potassium to fire a toy cannon, enough fat to make 7 bars of soap, enough phosphorous to make 2,200 match heads, and enough water to fill a ten-gallon tank.
8. Close Your Eyes
We all have tiny mites living in our eyelashes. These little mites actually aren't too choosey; they’ll live anywhere as long as they have access hair follicles. They’re found on other parts of the body and on a host of other mammals.
9. The Strongest Muscle In The Body
Pound for pound, the strongest muscle in the human body is the masseter (jaw muscle). It can clamp your chompers shut with 55 pounds of force on the incisors and 200 pounds of force on the molars.
10. Evolution Stinks!
One prevailing theory as to why butt hair exists is that there's simply no significant evolutionary pressure against butt hair. I.e. it doesn’t affect our ability to mate, so the random mutations that caused butt hair persisted.
Other theories take a smellier view of things, suggesting that butt hair helps scent communication. We have body hair in the same areas where we produce odors. The hair is there to hold onto oily secretions that have their own smell and are consumed by bacteria that produces even more smells. Early human ancestors used their personal smell to actually help them with everything from broadcasting territorial rights to attracting mates.
11. Growing Strong
Your ears and nose will never stop growing until the day you die.
In fact, your earlobes will also elongate from gravity.
12. Careful What You Lick
Similar to fingerprints, everyone also has a unique tongue print. It may be some time before your local police station starts taking tongue prints, but research on the required 3-D imaging technology is already being developed and tested.
Remember: if you're ever going to get involved in a million-dollar art heist, or some kind of grisly murder, absolutely do not lick the crime scene.
13. Steel Bones
Ounce for ounce, human bones are stronger than steel. A cubic inch of bone can bear a load of 19,000 lbs.—roughly the weight of five pickup trucks.
Reminder: this is not a dare. Do not (for example) ask your friends to drive 5 loaded pickup trucks over your forearm. It won't end well.
14. Booze and Blue
People with blue eyes have a higher alcohol tolerance. Interestingly, they also have higher rates of alcohol abuse and dependency.
15. Humans 1, Robots 0
If the human eye was a digital camera it would have 576 megapixels. Currently, the most expensive digital camera in the world has 200 megapixels.
Take that technology! The robot uprising might be inevitable but it's going to be so blurry.
16. Bacteria: Man's Best Friend
All of the bacteria in our body collectively weighs about 4 pounds. That’s enough to fill a gigantic bowl of (truly disgusting) soup.
In fact, there are more bacteria in your mouth than there are people in the world.
17. Music And The Body
In some cardiovascular units, slow and quiet music is used to relax the patients and lower their blood pressure and heart rate.
This new frontier in medical science actually harkens back to some of our most ancient ancestors. The Ancient Greeks, for example, liked to use music as a method of calming a patient and soothing pain. Native Africans and Native Americans also used chanting and singing as part of their healing rituals.
Once again, science is proving the logic behind some seemingly superstituous human behavior. Fasctinating stuff.
18. Brain Power
Your brain accounts for only 2% of your body weight, yet it uses 20% of the total oxygen and blood in your body.
It's fascinating. That little grey blob weighs just about 4 pounds, and yet is quite possibly responsible for essentially all of our success as a species.
This also shows that, at least when it comes to brain power, bigger is not always better. Cows, whales, and elephants (in addition to many other creatures) all have much bigger brains than we do. And yet we eat steak like it's no big deal. Guess we're winning, right?
19. Deoxyribonucleic Acid (DNA)
If uncoiled, the DNA in all of your body’s cells would stretch 10 billion miles.
That's long enough to reach from here to Pluto... and back!
20. The Ultimate Betrayal
Within three days of death, the enzymes that once digested your dinner begin to eat you. Ruptured cells will become food for the bacteria in your gut, which will release enough noxious gas to bloat your body and force your eyes to bulge outward.
Whatever happened to loyalty?
21. Super Storage
In a lifetime, your brain's long-term memory can hold up to 1 quadrillion (1 million billion) bits of information.
And for such a powerful computer, it's also incredibly efficient. The entire apparatus of your brain is operated by roughly the same amount of power as a 10-Watt lightbulb.
22. The Hot Dog's Journey
The gastrointestinal tract is a 30-foot tube that runs from your mouth to your anus.
There’s a few moving parts, but a long story short is that food comes in and poop goes out. There you go, now you're an expert on human digestion.
23. Not-So Hairless Apes
It might not seem like it when you look around, but human beings actually have just as many hair follicles as a chimpanzee.
Here's the catch: our hairs are, for the most part, incredibly fine and light-colored. No one is quite sure why we lost our impressive fur coats, though. Some think it was an adaption to help us sweat more effeciently. Others say it was a method for avoiding fleas and ticks.
Whatever the reason, it's a fun thought.
24. The Electric Heart
Your heart has its own electrical impulse. This means that as long as it has an oxygen supply, your heart can keep beating even if it’s separated from the body.
Your heart will also pump about 1.5 million barrels of blood during your lifetime. That’s enough to fill 200 train tank cars.
25. Brain Age
Your brain keeps developing until your late 40s.
26. Sweet Cilia
Our lungs and nasal passages have exquisitely tiny hairs called cilia that can "taste" bitter flavors. They also serve to remove dust and foreign particles from the respiratory tract.
24. You Feel Me?
Human fingers can feel objects as small as 13 nanometers. This means that if your finger was the size of the Earth, you would feel the difference between houses and cars.
28. Hot Body
The highest recorded body temperature in a human being was a fever of 115.7°F. A fever over 107.5°F is enough to damage the brain and, if untreated, cause death.
29. Touch Your Heart
The human heart is not on the left-hand side of the body. It’s in middle of your chest, in between your right and left lung. It is, however, tilted very slightly to the left.
30. Brain Genes
Half of your genes describe the complex design of your brain, with the other half describing the organization of the other 98% of your body.
31. Human Cell Replacement
Your taste buds are replaced every 10 days. Conversely, the average age of a human fat cell is 10 years.
32. To Shave or Not to Shave?
There is no scientific evidence that shaving or waxing will make your hair come back thicker. There are believed to be two reasons that the myth continues to flourish. First, humans just aren’t the best observers. Second, hair often does grow back thicker when people first start to shave, but this isn’t caused by shaving.
When an adolescent boy shaves his mustache for the first time, it’s likely to grow back thicker. This isn’t because shaving caused this; it’s because the hormonal changes in his body (which occur regardless of shaving) are encouraging new and thicker facial hair growth.
33. Human Differences
1 in 10,000 people has their internal organs reversed or "mirrored" from their normal positions. The condition is called situs inversus.
1 person out of every 200 people has an extra rib.
34. The Pinky Is The Powerhouse Of The Hand
Without your pinky finger, you would lose about 50% of your hand strength. While the index and middle fingers function with the thumb in pinching and grabbing, it’s the pinkie that teams up with the ring finger to provide grip power.
35. Keeping Cool Down There
Men's testicles hang between the legs to keep cool because sperm dies at body temperature. Keeping those baby-makers cool is a top priority, so make sure to keep your laptop off those bad boys!
36. Underappreciated
You've probably heard that the appendix is essentially a waste of space. Just a leftover from our earliet, less-evolved ancestors... right?
That’s turned out not to be the case. Scientists have discovered it had an essential evolutionary function: the appendix functions as a “safe house” for the beneficial bacteria that live in the human gut. Bacteria which, by the way, scientists are beginning to believe has an unbelievably positive influence on physical and mental health.
Thanks appendix... sorry for the bad rap.
37. Well...
Your mouth is made of the same skin cells as a vagina. Flattened epithelial cells are well suited to areas in the body subject to constant abrasion, as layers can be sloughed off and replaced before quickly.
38. Cute Little Muscles
Muscle comes from the Latin “musculus.” Musculus means "little mouse,” and this was used to describe muscles because biceps were thought to look like mice.
39. Liar, Liar
Are you surrounded by pathalogical liars? Here's how to find out...
While a person is telling a lie, they tend to blink far less frequently than normal. Think of a TV murderer with a shark-like stare.
Later, though, after the lie is told, a person will immediately make up for all that staring by blinking about 8 times faster than normal.
Clearly our eyelids are incredibly honest, and are doing everything in their power to signal the truth—whether we want to or not.
40. Who Said That?
More than 3% of people are born with phonagnosia: they can't recognize the voices of familiar people. People suffering from phonagnosia do not suffer from aphasia (an inability to comprehend and formulate language), which suggests that separate areas of the brain govern linguistic comprehension and voice recognition.
41. Annoying? Yes. Unhealthy? Maybe Not
A scientist cracked his knuckles on one hand for over 50 years to prove it did not cause Arthritis. After 50 years, he concluded that there was no arthritis in either hand, and no apparent differences between the two hands. This is, of course, a rather small data set, but it’s interesting none the less!
Hats off to the brave man who risked arthritis (as well as dirty looks from all his friends) in the name of science.
42. Starting Your Morning Off Right
You can burn 20% more fat by exercising in the morning on an empty stomach. Sex burns 3.6 calories a minute, so fifteen minutes of morning sex should burn off 130 calories.
43. Genes: They're Complicated
Humans have no more genes than worms. We have less genes than a tomato. How could this be, given that the all-powerful homo sapiens are clearly a more complex species? We’re not sure, but scientist have noted that the number of genes in the genome may be less linked to complexity than we thought.
44. Coughing At The Speed Of Sound
A strong cough forces air out of the airways at speeds up to 620 mph, which is almost as fast as the speed of sound.
45. Hear That?
Hearing is the fastest human sense.
Your brain can recognize a sound 10 times faster than the blink of an eye. That's as little as 0.05 seconds.
You heard it here first: the most effecient way to get someone's attention from across the room is not to wave at them— it's to scream at the top of your lungs.
46. Controversial Bras
Bras make breasts sag. They also do not reduce back pain.
A leading study found that women who never wore bras had nipples an average of seven millimeters higher each year than regular bra users. Before you go throwing away your bras, note that the benefits of not wearing a bra will only be seen in younger women who are not obese, according to those managing the study.
47. Recovering From The Miracle Of Birth
After child birth, a woman's vaginal muscles can take up to 6 months to get back to their normal shape and size.
48. A Green Diet
We can't digest grass because our bodies don't have what it takes to break down the cellulose found in the plant. Grass also contains a lot of silica, an abrasive that quickly wears down teeth, so your dentist wouldn’t be thrilled about a grass diet. Grazing animals have teeth that continually grow to replace worn tooth surfaces.
49. Weight-Bearing Toe
Your big toe carries more weight than any other toe, bearing about 40% of your body weight. To enlist in the United States army, you need to have all ten toes intact.
50. Stinky Humans
Sweat itself is odorless. It's the bacteria on the skin that mingles with it and produces body odor. Bacteria that are naturally present on our skin thrive in sweaty regions.