Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's moral or right. We know that. But do we ever stop to consider how it applies to the way we treat kids?
One Reddit user asked:
What completely legal thing should adults stop doing to children?
and yeah ... we've got a lot to think about.
"Beauty"
Child beauty pageants.
Aside from inviting the attention of dangerous people, every "Miss [school name]" at the middle school where I teach has been a notorious bully.
They're being taught from an early age to judge and that certain characteristics make some "elite," so it's not surprising.
Apart from inviting dangerous attention, it sets a precedent at a very early age that beauty is an important standard, and that looking a certain way accepted by society is beautiful, and looking otherwise is various degrees of ugliness.
It reinforces the belief in children that some people are ugly, and some are beautiful.
A competition judging and awarding people for something they could not control just seems f**king sh!tty to me.
Leverage
Use them as leverage against the other parent.
- mwdh20
Sadly it's no just rough on the parents. I was a kid whose mom told me frequently that my dad was 50 shades of a**hole after their divorce. I was 5, I didn't know what to do but believe it.
Needless to say SHE was the a**hole and my dad and I have a great relationship now. But I went through many years of confusion and feeling scared and lost many years of a great relationship with my dad. It's just not fair to do this to children who don't understand the bigger picture.
- zutteh
They're Coping Better Than Me
Using them as therapists
This happens a lot with teenagers I've worked with. Something traumatic happens in the family, teens will usually process the traumatic event talking with their peers or isolated in their room (to kinda sort out all the unfamiliar emotions), or simply won't know what to do and distract themselves with whatever hobbies they have. Parents take that as "they're not breaking down and crying all the time, so they probably know how to cope with this better than me" and unload all of their emotions on the kid.
Worked with the nicest girl (I'm a mental health provider) who was tasked with all the responsibilities of arranging her grandpa's funeral because mom thought everyone else in the family were way more upset about the death than the girl. In reality, the poor girl was broken up about it, but didn't wanna show that in front of mom because she was already so sad.
Sports Is For Fun
Little League Game GIF by TLCGiphyI coach 12 year olds and they are so freakin cute. Like they are super excited to learn, a little clumsy cause they're all hitting growth spurts, and super awkward but it's so adorable. I was coaching them today and started thinking about how my coach and my parents used to scream at me after/during practices and games when I'd make a mistake at this age. It caused me to hate soccer and basketball and really impacted my self-esteem.
Now that I'm coaching, I couldn't even fathom yelling at these kids, they try so hard and with every mistake they get better it's amazing to watch! I'll never understand being a grown ass adult and yelling at a literal child for participating in a leisure activity.
- OakNogg
That's exactly why I stopped doing sports. I was doing it to have fun, but they're making it super competitive and acting like I should be playing at pro level before 10. Fuck that. I can't even think about sports without having the feeling of being screamed at for making a minor mistake come rushing back.
- Fyrrys
Spoil The Child
Spoiling them rotten.
I'm not talking about once in a while type thing. I mean like, absolutely creating a monster.
Even when you're not creating a monster/are working to instill some basic level of decency, this is such a quick way to create unrealistic expectations for life.
I grew up in a reasonably affluent area. I went to fairly affluent schools. We had a lot of parents who meant well, but a new Yukon at 16 and annual vacations to Paris didn't really prepare these kids for the fact that eventually, Mom and Dad wouldn't be paying for everything, and a $50k a year salary won't support the lifestyle they took for granted at 16.
Like, they're nice people, and most of their parents instilled decent values, but even with Mom and Dad subsidizing their adult lives (no student loans, help with a down payment, etc.), it's obvious that adulthood is a pretty huge step down from what they were used to, and ultimately, I can't help but think everybody would have fared a bit better if Mom and Dad wouldn't have provided quite so many extras growing up.
Wearing thrift store clothes and driving a used minivan at 16 never killed anybody...
My own husband is an example of this.
He's a lovely, beautiful person. We both have decent jobs (er, we both had decent jobs until I was laid off last month). His parents aren't crazy rich, but they always made good money, and they always sacrificed a lot of their own wants so that they could give him all of the advantages in life.
They bought him the Lexus he wanted when he turned 16. They made sure that he had plenty of money for the spring break trips to Cancun. They paid for college. They paid for fraternity dues. They paid to replace the Lexus when he crashed it, and for a new Tahoe once that vehicle had too many miles on it, and a new Expedition once the Tahoe wracked up 100k miles.
They paid the down payment on our house. They pay his half of the mortgage anytime any "unexpected emergencies" come pop up. He's nearing 40, and he's still on their cell phone plan. They still pay his car insurance. They've quit buying him new cars, but he still gets their hand-me-down vehicles (so like, right now, he's driving his mom's 2012 Camry).
Annnnnnd, he's just now starting to appreciate the advantages he's been given in life, rather than mourning the fact that this is all a step down from what he grew up with.
Because even though most adults would be stoked to have all of those things provided for them, a 2012 Camry and a three-bedroom in a modest neighborhood isn't the kind of life his childhood prepared him for. It never dawned on him as he was driving up to the high school parking lot in his shiny new Lexus that, unless he planned on becoming a neurosurgeon, his adult standard of living probably wouldn't include new cars and trips to Cancun every year. Or, that if it did, he'd be working 60+ hours a week and taking on loads of debt to make it happen.
Why Can't You Be Like ...
I went to a small private christian school. At the time (mid-90's), there would be around 10-15 kids per grade. My sister was a grade ahead of me, so every teacher always knew I was her brother. The amount of "[sister] would never do that" or "[sister] was a much better student", et al. I got was absurd.
Even other students (not in my class or my sister's class) knew me as [sister]'s brother. Though that was due to her being good at sports and instantly popular (while I was good at playing the piano and instantly Liberace). Fun times.
- mencken
The Props
Use them as props on their social media posts
My aunt does this. She's super narcissistic. When my cousin turned 18 he was forced to move out because the guy my aunt was dating didn't want him there. So he slept in his van until he joined the navy. Now that he is in the navy she is all about being a "navy mom"
Men Can't Have Cats?
funny cat GIFGiphyForce them to grow up at a young age/being sexist. My dad threw out all my toys when I turned 12 and screamed "it's time to grow up!" He also wouldn't let me play with dolls because they were "girls toys".
He also said men can't have cats, and other bs.
As a man who has a pet cat, please tell me where your dad is so that I can tell him to flip off.
My brother in law was walking their Lhasa Apso who is an adorable cheeky boisterous little guy. A man looks down and says 'That's a gay dog' probably meaning a Lhasa is somehow not manly or what the hell is a man ya know a MAN doing with a Lhasa Apso.
My brother in law replied 'The dog's free to date who he wants.' And walked on. Dogs don't care if they're a poodle, chihuahua, Lhasa, Great Dane or bulldog. They're just dogs. People can be weird the cat comment also doesn't make sense.
Your Babies Boundaries Matter
Forcing them to hug people when arriving or leaving someone's house or event.
Or make them kiss extended family or the parent's friends goodnight before going to bed. I'm at an age now where people send their kids over to me all the time, and I very excitedly tell them as they get close that the good news is they get to choose a hug or finger guns. I'll even call out "me first" when a parent sends them on their rounds, because I guarantee if that kid chooses finger guns, every other adult lets them do it too. It's silly and fun and a big sigh of relief all round.
Too Young To Feel?
"You're too young you don't know what depression feels like."
"You're over reacting"
"When I was your age we had to suck it up" etc etc.
Just bad parenting and dismissing a child feelings because they are "too young, too immature."
Dream Not-That-Big
When I was a kid I was constantly told I wouldn't be good at whatever I said I wanted to be for some reason or another. Eventually by around 11 I aspired to be a person on welfare. Luckily I didn't follow through with that plan
When I was in middle school, I started to get into writing. I figured out it was my dream to become an author and one day it came up in a convo with my family. My dad outrightly said, "You could never be an author. You don't have the talent for it." It completely broke my heart.
All those years later, I still haven't told him. But I've decided that I'll just show him the book I've written and see what he says then.
That's Not Discipline And You're Not Fine
Hitting as discipline is legitimately and consistently shown by research to detrimental for children psychologically, and yet people still insist on doing it.
Then they say it happened to them and they're fine but they're wrong
Like, no mum, it's not fine. You did not deserve to be hit for being bad, you were a child who didn't know any better. She ended up in an abusive relationship which I believe wouldn't have happened if her parents hadn't hit her because they taught her people who love you will hurt you.
I ended up a bit better but I tended to lie a lot because telling the truth meant I would get hurt. My brother and I both have anger issues too. (Currently working on both lol)
My mum is a good parent/ person but when she was born in the mid-sixties hitting your kids as discipline was the norm that she passed on. Even now she still struggles with things like standing up for herself.
If my mum is still struggling with issues in her mid-fifties due to her parents smacking her as a child so will others. Please don't hit your kids
it happened to them and they're fine
Yeah, no, you're not. You're a person who thinks it's fine for whole adults to assault small children.
- YouSeeIt
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.