A lawyers job is to provide the best possible legal advice to their counsel. There are some situations, though, where the best advice is never going to be enough.
Some clients aren't actually that interested in advice. Sometimes the guilt is plain to see. Sometimes a client lies.
People have seen this happen so many times that lawyers, jury members, people there watching trials, etc. all spoke up. Even a Judge Judy fan had a story about this!
So here's what we learned after reading all of these stories. If you're ever on trial for anything, just stop talking. Shh. It's for the best.
Not this Time....Giphy
My grandma was a lawyer, specializing in murder cases. A man comes in, saying he's been accused of murdering his wife. As my grandma starts asking questions, the man says that this was his second wife. She asks whether he got divorced, widowed, etc. The man goes:
"I killed her, but I did my time in prison and I swear I didn't kill this one!"
Uniform Commercial Code.
Trial tech on a case where the defendant claimed that their customer and them did not have an ongoing business relationship, trying to get around provisions in the Uniform Commercial Code. Owner couldn't remember how much they ordered, how often, considered the plaintiff just a random customer, couldn't recall who their biggest customer was.
Turns out plaintiff was their not just the biggest customer, they were responsible for over half the total business for over 30 years, parents did business together too, they marketed together, went on business sales trips together, records showed they planned the entire operation around the plaintiffs historical order patterns each year. Once the plaintiffs lawyer was done questioning everyone knew defendant was full of crap.
I was on a jury for a DUI trial where a BF and Girlfriend (mid 20's) were both drunk and decided to drive their young niece and nephew to their grandmother's house. The kids were in the back seat without seat belts on when they wrapped the car around a telephone pole killing both kids instantly. Of course the two drunks survived because of a driver airbag and the passenger side seatbelt.
Now, the drunks thought they were clever and decided if neither of them testified and admitted to driving they could get off because if we had doubt about who was driving you couldn't convict. A nurse from the hospital testified about treating both of the adults when they arrived. She testified that the male had airbag abrasions on his face and the female had a distinct bruise from her right shoulder to her left hip, exactly where a seat belt would be. It was all downhill from there.
We usually know right away if our client is guilty, it's just a matter of how long they'll get, and if they can make a good impression on the judge to maybe get a better sentence. But as soon as someone mouths off in court we know we're not getting them that plea deal anymore.
In the Room....
A man had murdered someone. He knew that lawyers were partial and had the privilege of confidentially. So he walks into a lawyers office confessing the murder. With him, he has a rolled up carpet, in which, he explains, there is a corpse. He asks the lawyer to advise him how to get rid of the body. The lawyer is an absolute boss, remains calm, asks the client to wait outside while he confers with fellow lawyers and then calls 911. After a few minutes, the police arrive and the man is arrested.
The Smell of It All....Giphy
Client showed up reeking of pot and laughing inappropriately to drug possession pretrial proceedings.
This isn't even abnormal. The amount of people I've seen wearing shirts with giant pot leaves while on trial for possession wouldn't be believable if I hadn't seen it myself.
My mom was on a jury DUI and they lawyer recites the lyrics from Johnny boy along with walking around with his zipper deliberately down to, "prove that because he forgot to zip up his pants doesn't mean he was drunk" as to infer that his defendant not turning her headlight on after leaving a bar at 2am didn't prove she was drunk.
My mom said the entire Jury just looked each other like...wtf when they realized he was reciting Johnny Boy. Over a DUI case where the defendant had no kids. The lady next to my mom said something about her kid being in the military and of course i was also deployed at the time so the lawyer prolly should have been a bit more aware during the jury selection.
My mother is a lawyer. She knows before even meeting the client because she sees the Discovery. 9/10 the have a record a mile long for the same thing.
Most people actually did the thing they were accused of or something substantially close, possibly worse. So really I'm just assuming they did it and focused on how strong the evidence is and where I can create holes and emphasize doubt. Probably the worst case was one we ultimately won mostly. Guy beat the hell out of his mistresses dad who got into it with him over him mistreating her. He went from saying "I had to defend myself he pulled a knife on me" to "Yeah I whooped his butt and had to cuz I mighta seen a knife you know?"
When being cross examined at the trial. The only saving grace for us is that he was legitimately being over prosecuted because the one thing he was telling the truth about was not living at the residence and the state was really trying to invent a way to make this a domestic assault charge in order to have enhanced punishments available. Jury came back with a not guilty on that particular charge since it was clear he both did it with no justification but also lived elsewhere.
Take the Money....
I witnessed a traffic accident that was obviously the fault of a car that ran a red light and drifted too far to the right so it clipped the front wheel of a scooter that was staying stopped at the red light since they fortunately saw the car coming. The girl on the scooter was obviously the victim, but in court she kept speaking out of turn and referring to the judge as "ma'am." Like obviously often.
The judge was a man. She also wouldn't let her lawyer submit the police report since she thought it wasn't needed. After the judge ruled that there wasn't sufficient evidence to force the guy that hit her to pay for her scooter or ER bill, she started screaming that he could afford to pay her since the PI her lawyer hired said he was worth about $10 million. Uhh, that's not how it works. Someone doesn't have to pay just because they can afford to.
She then sued his insurance company USAA since they're the ones that created the problem by not paying a valid claim, but it was after the statute of limitations.
Her lawyer was more than happy to take her money for work he knew would get thrown out within a few minutes in court. I kept telling her it was stupid to keep fighting, and I even called the lawyer to tell him it was dishonest to bill for time for something you knew would fail, but he just kept billing.
When they hired me, a lawyer with a degree and office in a mall.
"you can win this case"
A tenant of my mother's went to a lawyer in order to sue my mother for a multitude of BS reasons.
Simply put, his method was this: if the lawyer didn't come to some conclusion of "you can win this case" or "you're in the right", they were fired by the tenant on the spot.
Spoiler: he is most certainly not in the right.
Civil Plaintiffs' attorney and have a ton of specific examples I wish I could share but Protective Orders. Generally though if Judge gives your IT forensics guy the ability to go look for deleted emails and text messages its game over.
the flood gates opened!
I used to work for a small regional cell phone company in the mid 2000's that has since gone out of business. I was fresh out of school, and the first on my team that had an IT background, instead of traditional telecom background.
My first assignment, was to look into our SMS (text messaging) server to change it from just logging to/from with a date, into also starting to log the payload (the text contents) themselves.
I did the needful. Like I said, we were small, so when legal got a subpoena they forwarded it to us, to pull it, then forward it back. Once the authorities noticed we started to save the actual text of conversations, the flood gates opened!
I had no training on how to handle that kind of stuff either. I would have to copy/paste into a text file to send back to legal. Which made it hard to not read some of it. I also had no idea of what they were investigating, but sometimes you could tell.
My coworker got caught in the crossfire and called as a witness once in a local high profile case. Prosecutors used the text message logs in their case, but originally brought an IT guy in to validate the logs were real. The IT guy had no clue, he dealt with the MMS side of things and said they did not store the contents of each text (He did not know MMS and SMS were different, he's an idiot). So that blurred some lines. Prosecutors then asked for the person who pulled the records (my coworker, who also took over that being the expert on that platform) to testify that yes, we DID keep those records, and he was the one who pulled them from the system.
I was a plaintiff in an attempted manslaughter case. The defense attorney held a relatively tight grip on his case until I recounted the attack and made clear the assailant's intention to kill and how close I came to getting KO'd and pummeled.
I've never heard a defense attorney roast their client like that guy did. Basically called them the lowest of lows and barely defended their case at that point.
NOTHING about X
Unfortunately my best story for this is from my own client. We had a client who was on the board of directors for a company, and was being sued for allegedly not telling the board something. His part of the case was really only a smaller part of a larger and more complicated case, so while there were a lot of other issues in the case overall, the entire case against him specifically essentially boiled down to whether or not he told the board about X.
I and few other attorneys spent an entire week — 9 AM to 5 PM or later, Monday through Friday — prepping this client for his deposition by going over every document in the case with him and explaining why it was important. On several occasions we reiterated that no matter what else happened in the case, as long as we can show that he told the board about X, he was fine.
The day of the deposition arrives. Opposing counsel sits down and starts questioning our client. In the first 5-10 minutes of the dep, opposing counsel straight-up asks our client what he told the board. Client responds, "I told them about Y, I told them about Z, I told them about A, B, and C" — and says NOTHING about X, literally the only issue in the case against him.
In 20+ years of practice it was the closest I've ever come to rage-quitting on a client.
Footage Doesn't Lie.Giphy
Years ago I worked in personal injury, and we had a woman come to us saying that she slipped and fell outside of a nail salon because they hadn't swept up the wet leaves outside the door.
So we take the case, and almost immediately we get a call from opposing counsel saying he's going to courier us something important.
We open it, pop the disc in the computer, and right there is security cam footage of our client picking up the wet leaves, putting them on the sidewalk, and sitting down on them before calling for help.
I have never facepalm'd so hard. Needless to say we dropped the case.
"Oh my doctor prescribed them."
I was tangentially involved in a custody dispute. Dad alleged mom was doing all sorts of things and he should have the kid. Dad's attorney grilled mom for about 20 minutes on texts she had sent claiming to sell her prescriptions. She wouldn't admit it. Dad's attorney moved on and eventually ended with, "One more question. Where did you get the pills you were selling." Mom responds without thinking, "Oh my doctor prescribed them."
"performed the minimum required diligence"
A doctor testifying under oath that he deliberately chose not to inform a pregnant woman of a positive test result for a really severe genetic disorder, because he figured because she was a member of his church she wouldn't have considered aborting the pregnancy under any circumstances.
A primary care doctor who received a complex and technical test report from a genetics lab, and simply forwarded it to the patient (who didn't really speak English and wasn't medically educated). She testified that she "performed the minimum required diligence" which is not what you should say and expect a good outcome.
I've told this story before but I might as well put it here. This guy wanted custody over his children after a divorce and his wife was accusing of abuse(physical) . He was asked if he had ever abused his wife and he straight up said 'Yes, but only when she annoyed me' or something along the lines of that. I was ready to straight up leave the court room and laugh my butt off.
My father as a young lawyer was trying to get a case to take place in one state and not another because the insurance laws were more favorable in state A. The company he was in litigation with wanted it in state B for that reason, and claimed they only distributed in state A but had no locations in it and should not have to go to court in state A.
Well this company was a soda company and my dad has a major diet soda addiction, he goes through at least a 12 pack a day. So they were in a meeting with the soda company lawyers and took a break and he went downstairs to get a diet soda. When it came out he noticed on the can that it said "Distributed by the XYZ soda company of State A". So he got another diet soda and brought that one up stairs to the meeting. The XYZ soda co decided to settle after that.
This was in the late 70s or early 80s I believe.
My parents have a jewelry store and the landlord was trying to extort them to sign a lease for nearly double what it was appraised for. Problem was, the lease they signed and the landlord signed said when they renewed the lease both parties were to get their own appraiser then meet in the middle of what the two prices were. Landlord didn't like what his appraiser said so he refused to tell my parents what the appraisal was. So for two years he sent every lawyer in town to try to kick them out. They tried everything but legally had no leg to stand on.
Well, unfortunately during this time the landlord developed Parkinson's and his mind started to go. We finally got him to do a deposition and that's where everything when to hell for him. It was like he drank a truth serum. He just told all. My parents lawyer would ask things like: "Why did you not show the appraisal to my clients?" And he'd say: "It wasn't what I wanted. I wanted them to pay more so I hired other appraisers, and paid them off to raise the price nearly double."
Or another one was, "Why did you want them to pay you in gold that you would then sell back to them?" (Remember it's a jewelry store) He said, "Oh I didn't want to pay taxes."
It was sad honestly. His lawyer by the end of it all just had his head in his hands. We had a new lease within a month for less than we originally even offered, and he had to pay back 75% of our legal fees. Nearly $100,000.
When my client filed a restraining order against his ex and then asked me to leverage the restraining order just so he could get back with her. In our state, if you do this, you'll have to pay the other persons attorneys fees.
My client was charged with aggravated assault (5 years possible) for kicking the sh!t out a guy while wearing cowboy boots with those fancy steel ornamental tips on the boots. He wore the boots to his jury trial.
This is a really big misconception with regards to defense attorneys. There could be perfect evidence, a slam-dunk case in a first degree murder charge, and that defendant still needs someone to make sure all of the legal proceedings go, well, legally and smoothly. The prosecutor can't just do whatever they want.
My client's phone rang in court and forgot to put it on silent. The ringtone was the Mortal Kombat theme song.
You Can Afford It.
My roommate was on a scooter and rear-ended by a USSA member. Obviously, it was the fault of the guy that hit her. She took him to court to pay for her damaged scooter and her $8k ER bill. She argued that he should pay since he was rich instead of bringing the police report or ER bill to court. She of course lost. Courts only care about proof.
During the Menendez brothers trial, when Erik was testifying that he and his brother went to the Big 5 to purchase handguns in August of 1989. According to Erik, when told that there would be a 15 day waiting period on them, they chose to purchase shotguns instead. Erik even mentioned the case and shelf where the handguns had been sitting.
The attorney then paused and said "Mr. Menendez, did you know that Big 5 stopped carrying handguns in March of 1986?"
Thank you to r/missmattyyo for linking the article that explains why this was such a big deal. It basically undermined the credibility of the Menendez brothers' testimony since they were caught lying under oath about the guns, which also made people believe that the molestation accusations were also lies. The initial trial was deadlocked, however the second trial saw them both convicted of the murders. Here is a link to the video that shows the testimony in question. If the timestamp doesn't work, it starts at about 16:07.
Not a lawyer, but a law student. This was in a case that my professor showed us in class.
Some guy was accused of something, I cannot remember what, but the judge spoke him free because there wasn't enough evidence he had done it. Guy said "thank you judge, I'll never do it again".
DA appealed and got him convicted.
Not a lawyer, recent law school grad studying for the bar. This happened summer after my first year of law school, I was making a court appearance as a student attorney (basically, a rule in my state that lets students practice under attorney supervision).
I was working with the public defender's office, representing a client at a first appearance on a probation violation/bail hearing. On a probation violation, the judge is allowed to hold a defendant without bail (keep them in jail until the case is over).
Client says he has some money, but not much. Could get together about $500 for bail. Ok, I'll ask the judge to keep it low or just release him. Prosecutor asks for $300 bail. Great, my work here is done. Whatever I say, judge will order $300 or less and my guy is out.
I say my piece, and then my client interrupts the judge, saying some incoherent stuff about how he needs to get out and he's got this that and the other thing going on. Won't let the judge speak.
Judge holds him without bail even though the prosecutor didn't ask for it. All he had to do was shut up and he'd have gone home that afternoon.
6 Figure Judgement.
Late to the party, but I'll chime in anyway. My firm had been chasing down this woman for years, trying to get her to pay out on a six figure judgment. She kept nothing in her personal bank accounts and used the money for her business accounts for a rather lavish lifestyle. She kept claiming she was broke and that she didn't use her company funds for her living expenses, including in affidavits filed with the court. During the citation deposition, at the beginning, she stated she was current on her mortgage for her huge house.
We go through all her finances and companies and after a few hours I brought up the mortgage again and then asked "if you're broke, but current on your mortgage, how are you making mortgage payments?" Dead silence, then in a soft voice "I use company funds." Her attorney stopped the deposition and pulled her out of the conference room. My boss was observing and started laughing and told me it was a good question.
I was listening to the Casefile podcast. Guy gets obsessed with his former teacher. Kidnaps her and her daughter and holds them for 52 days. They escape. At the trial while she is testifying he slashes her with a knife.
He was convicted.....
Yeah, that’ll do it....Giphy
The defendant tried to slap the hell out of one of the jury.
In one where I was a jury member, almost all the evidence was on camera. One lawyer was trying to make his case on the fact a mandated sweeping security check wasn't done on time and if it had it would have potentially prevented what happened to his client. After him drilling in this point endlessly, the opposing counsel asked to see footage of around the time of the missed sweeping check.
The video showed a specific visit to the client. A personal visit is far better than a sweeping check. First lawyer was not such a smug guy anymore.
Sincerely, William Barr's lawyer.
I once had an idiot client who put out a public statement announcing that a subordinate had resigned.
Then the subordinate announced that he had not resigned, and furthermore, had no intention of resigning.
Then my idiot client put out an email announcing that he had fired the subordinate.
Then I had to advise my idiot client that he didn't have the right to fire the subordinate.
Then I had to explain to my idiot client that he couldn't fire the man because he is not my idiot client's subordinate at all; in fact, he was hired by, and worked for, a completely different subsidiary - over which my client had no authority.
So I got my idiot client to put out a public statement saying that his boss, the Chief Executive, had fired the subordinate.
Then my idiot client's boss blabbed to everybody that he had not fired the subordinate, and that he had thrown the whole matter back into my idiot client's hands.
And now, dammit, I have to spend the next four months boning up on all the statues and case law pertaining to obstruction of justice.
I work for an attorney whose client wanted custody of his kids. At that time the mom was claiming that he was an unfit parent and that he drank and partied too much. Trial wraps up and an officer comes in an puts the dad in handcuffs, much to all of our surprise. Apparently the guy had an outstanding warrant for a DUI. He didn't win custody.
"I know the doctors tampered with my drug test! It should have been positive for a lot more than just meth!"
Tell the Whole Truth.
I had a family client whose ex wasn't letting him see his kid. So we were in court with him explaining how important parenting was to him, how much he loved being a father, etc.
After 45 minutes of this the mother says 'I don't know why he's saying this, he abandoned his other kids'. Cue me who has never heard him mention having other kids. Turned out, yeah, 100% abandoned them, has had no contact for years, never made any efforts.
Please give your lawyers important information especially if another party involved knows your secrets.
The client who said they didn't speak English so we had to get an interpreter. When asked questions the client kept answering in English and the interpreter would have to stop and ask again and then answer in the language. Long confusing deposition to say the least. The client spoke better English than anything.
Im A paralegal, although I'm in IT now, but previously i was in other areas.
Well in court, the case before ours at the time was for theft and was going on much longer than it should have, Defense lawyer calls for a motion to dismiss, claiming lack of evidence. judge says he will entertain said motion after lunch, hits gavel says court will reconvene at 1 pm, court dismissed. Defendant stands up and says real loudly, " Told you i could get away with stealing that mess!"
He thought his case had been dismissed.
It's a toss-up between the one who called the judge a loser to her face and the one who didn't show up for a hearing because, while out on bail, he got arrested in the next county over and was in their lock-up at the hearing time.
I sat on a jury for a murder trial. When the judge allowed the prosecution to enter text messages into evidence, I saw the defense attorney exhale and put his hand on the defendant's shoulder.
We would not have convicted without those texts.
When, after a six week trial, the jury's first and only question during deliberation was whether $400 million was the maximum amount of punitive damages they could award. That was about when I lost all hope.
Only Judy Can Judge MeGiphy
Judge Judy: what was in the bag?
Prosecutor: my keys, wallet, gift cards, earpiece, etc
Defendant: YOUR HONOR THERE WASN'T AN EARPIECE
This case comes to mind from my time as a law clerk (i.e. not representing the defendant but taking notes for the Court).
It was a rape charge. The defendant claimed it was consensual and had called another employee as witness to show what a great guy he was (or something).
The witness says the defendant tried to forcibly kiss her and that she had told the police about it. Both the defense attorney and prosecutor were taken by surprise. The attorney obviously hadn't talked to the witness beforehand, which you should always do, and someone at the police had fucked up and never forwarded the info to the prosecutor.
Only one case passed through my hands where there was literally nothing left to say aside "Learn Spanish and move to your husband" to the wife that tried to bring her husband, who was deported, back to US. We didn't even take that case because there was literally nothing we could do. I worked on hundreds of cases, many which were extremely difficult but this was the only one where the answer was a flat out no.
Some background: Guy had multiple aggravated felony convictions (mostly drugs) dating from like 1990s to 2010s when the government finally gave him the boot.
If he committed them all before 1997 we could seek 212(c) relief for him.
If he was never a permanent resident or he was admitted in some other status originally and then sought adjustment of status originally, we could try to get him an I-601 waiver. Law basically really limits availability of criminal waivers to people who were permanent residents at some point in their lives. There was case law in the second circuit that carved out an exemption if you originally entered otherwise (e.g. on a tourist visa) and then got your green card in US.
If his wife were to come to us before he was deported we could probably maybe try to file a naturalization application as a defense against removal.
So basically, unless the law changes, this guy is never ever going to be allowed in US.
Not a lawyer but witnessed one of those moments with a relative.
Actual conversation as follows:
Judge: I thought I told you I didn't want to see you in front of me again for a probation violation?
Relative: But it isn't alcohol this time!
Judge: No this time you failed the UA for meth and that's WORSE!
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Some years ago, I had to advise a college friend to stop chasing the girl he was interested in at the time. She'd already turned him down. Explicitly. At least two or three times.
He wouldn't take no for an answer and didn't see anything wrong with his behavior.
Perhaps he'd seen too many movies where the guy eventually breaks through the girl's defenses and essentially coerces her into going out with him?
Sadly, this is behavior that is tolerated and yes, normalized in our society.
People were keen to share other observations after Redditor EnoughSandwich_7057 asked the online community,
"What's toxic behavior that's considered socially acceptable?"
"Trying to make people..."
"Trying to make people drink/smoke or drink/smoke more when they have firmly declined the offer."
This is a big one that can have disastrous consequences. I am thankful I got a bunch of terrible nights out drinking out of my system by my early twenties.
Being drunk to the point that you're incoherent is horrible.
"I hate the whole prank thing..."
"I hate the whole prank thing, especially when it's done for likes. Scaring or humiliating people for attention just means you are a bad person."
I don't watch any of those videos and I don't understand what people see in them.
"Overworking yourself and then collectively judging others who don't do the same."
I had a coworker like that once, and she was a (minor) reason why I ended up leaving one job, but still a reason nonetheless.
"Taking your work with you..."
"Taking your work with you on vacation. I mean if you enjoy working then that's your thing, but I get sick of people like going through paperwork and having meetings while on vacation. Like dude, stop."
"Looking down on someone..."
"Looking down on someone because of their job."
When people say things like, "If fast food workers deserve $15 an hour..." that says a lot.
"Deliberately misunderstanding what someone is saying so as to make it easier to argue with them."
"People tend to give drunk people..."
"People tend to give drunk people misbehaving a pass if they regularly do it, 'Oh don't mind Tom, he's just drunk.' That just reinforces that toxic behavior."
You can say that again. How many times have you run into bad behavior like this while out and about, perhaps in a bar? It's not fun.
"The fact that we reward..."
"The fact that we reward customers for being wrong. The number of times my old manager would be so exhausted from arguing over the cost of a carton of milk with a customer that she would just give it to them is appalling."
"It reinforces this mentality because even if the customer KNOWS they're wrong they don't care because they will still win."
Annnnd this is why I don't miss retail. I'm fine where I am.
"Verbally abusing minimum wage employees who don't make the rules. If I could change the laws tomorrow I'd encourage businesses to ban pieces of garbage like these who can't operate in public."
"I'm here to do a job..."
"Toxic workplace behavior needs to be top of the list. I'm here to do a job and go home, not be harassed because you don't like some aspect of my personality. Managers who let this slide should be held personally liable."
When you stop and think about it, you realize we live in an imperfect society. It's astounding that some people just tolerate bad behavior and, in many cases, don't even see anything wrong with it.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Parents make mistakes. We want to believe that parents are doing there very best to raise their kids, but sometimes they do more harm than good.
Research into childhood trauma didn't actually begin until the 1970s, so we don't have as much knowledge about our mental health as adults as we might like.
However, a study that followed 1,420 from 1992 to 2015 found conclusive results about childhood trauma:
"'It is a myth to believe that childhood trauma is a rare experience that only affects few,' the researchers say."
"Rather, their population sample suggests, 'it is a normative experience—it affects the majority of children at some point.'"
"A surprising 60 percent of those in the study were exposed to at least one trauma by age 16. Over 30 percent were exposed to multiple traumatic events."
Not all of the things our parents do that were not so helpful technically classify as trauma, but it definitely has an effect on us as we get older.
Redditor Gooncookies asked:
"What could your parents have done better when raising you?"
Here's some of the ways that these Redditor's parents could have done better.
Rules to maintain purity.
"Would've been nice if my dad hadn't convinced me I had to behave in certain ways to maintain my innocence and purity."
"Catholic? I can relate."
"Nope. He's an atheist. He's actually extremely upset that I practice my (non Christian) religion. He just has some really weird ideas about having female children. Like, if I wore spaghetti straps when I was a child he'd say it was like he was living in a brothel."
Becoming afraid of failure.
"Encourage me to do more. I was never pushed to do anything. I mean, I get why some athletes are like 'my parents pushed me too hard where I hated it.' But I was never encouraged to go out for it try anything new. I played little league baseball and decided I thought it was a good idea to try and be a pitcher. I told my mom, but got the response along the lines of 'That's a hard position, and the whole game kind of rides on you, and if you mess up, everyone is going to blame you.' As a 37 year old I now see how that kind of stuff screwed my self esteem up and why I'm so afraid of failure as an adult."
"Same here. Also when I wanted to try anything new my mom was like 'But that's too hard for you, are you really sure you wanna do this? I don't think that you want nor can.' What's even worse than just forbidding, in this way the kid won't 'protest doing it' and get too low self esteem to do it."
"I'm really happy now that I overcame this after I moved out. I started doing all those things I wanted to do as a kid and I freaking love it (but kinda hate the fact that I haven't started earlier)."
"But even if I have a good relationship to my mom I hide a lot of things I do from her, since she still does the same and tries to convince me that I actually don't wanna do what ever I planned."
"But dear mom, sometimes you just need to try new things. if it wont work out who cares!? Even got a tattoo with 'What if I fall? Honey what if you fly?' to remind me if I should ever forget. (And no, my mum doesn't know about it)."
We're allowed to feel our emotions.
"Allow me to express my emotions, treat me like an actually person, actually interact with me instead of just ignoring me and them just telling me to kill myself."
"Wow. I'm so sorry. I think a lot of parents forget that their children are actually human beings."
"Its okay. I'm trying to work through some of that trauma, its easier said than done."
Interest is nice.
"They could have shown more of an interest in my mental health and education."
"I didn't get help for my anxiety until after college and it's so frustrating to hear my parents acknowledge I was an anxious child yet nothing was done. I can look back and see how many things could have gone better for me."
"I had diagnosed ADHD and my mom thought that the meds made my brother and I zombies and decided she wanted us to just be kids. My parents never looked into any kind of non-medication help for my ADHD."
"I'll always wonder what school would've been like if I had the tools to properly manage it."
"I got an MFA, but I feel my entire life has been a whole lot of masking."
I also have comorbid sleep/circadian rhythm disorder which they also never did anything about. Going to the doctor for anything, physical or mental, was not prioritized. But, my parents definitely weren't well off financially, so I imagine that that was the biggest contributor."
Kids deserve autonomy.
"Taught me to question adults and trust myself."
"They thought they were doing the best thing by teaching my sister and I 'All adults are always right and you obey them no matter what,' but it made me a dysfunctional employee and vulnerable to abusive relationships."
"The good news is it can be unlearned. But I hope this new generation will teach our kids to assert themselves respectfully instead of blind obedience."
Why keep up the charade?
"My parents are great people who did a good job raising me, but there was one weird thing they did that still kind of annoys to this day (and I'm 44.)"
"Once I got old enough to figure out that things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren't real they still wouldn't admit it for some reason; I think it was more my mom and my dad just went along with her. But even when I became a teenager and all my siblings were teenagers it's like they still thought it was funny and cute to keep pretending that Santa Claus was real. I don't know why."
"They missed the point of that sort of thing. It's a rite of passage for children to eventually get old enough to figure out that this sort of thing isn't real and for the parents to let them in on it. I was denied that and it still bugs me for some reason."
"I could imagine that being infuriating at 14-15 years old. At that age you're wanting to be seen as more of an adult and I can imagine them not acknowledging Santa as a way of not welcoming me into adulthood/making me feel like a little kid."
Yea that's weird. When I got older and looked back I realized that my folks never flat out said Santa was real. My mom would say something like, 'He's only real if you believe in him,' so she never technically lied to me. Maybe it stems from that, they don't want to admit they lied to you?"
"That could be, but I think it was more a matter of my parents (again, my mom especially) thinking that doing the whole Santa Claus thing on Christmas morning, and Easter Bunny thing on Easter was fun and something that she just didn't want to let go of when my sisters and I got older."
Healthy criticism is necessary sometimes.
"They lacked discipline and parental authority which led us to treat them like our friends, disrespect them. We also couldn't be academically successful because they didn't help us develop a healthy studying habit."
"Kids like it when a parent tells them what to do (I mean, parenting is about teaching a kid what to do, if you just leave it like that, it won't learn anything), help them when they can't get through it, never give negative criticism, but constructive criticism when they fail and appreciate them when they succeed."
"Negative criticism: this type only tells them what is wrong. e.g. 'you can't do this,' 'you are doing this badly.'"
"Constructive criticism: this type gives them an insight into what should they do, you can add what is lacking if necessary. e.g. '[...] is not good behaviour, please do [...] next time, then you would succeed,' 'it looks ok (if it is badly done, then don't say this), but if you do [...] it'd be better / [...] is the correct way.'"
Whatever the situation was with your parents or caretakers, there are ways to heal from this trauma.
Psychology Today says we need to process our emotions, especially if we were taught not to when we were children.
It's important that we break these generational curses.
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Breaking up is something that never gets easier.
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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On the outside, so many professions and careers look glamorous, financially enticing, and fun.
Often we sit back in our own lives and wallow in our dead-end jobs with that "wish I could do that for a living mentality!"
But if you look a little closer or, much like Dorothy Gale in OZ, just wait for a Toto to push the curtain back, you'll see that a lot more is going on behind the scenes.
And the shenanigans we don't see, make all that fun... evaporate.
So many careers and high power industries are built on a foundation of lies, backstabbing, and stress. And not in that fun "Dynasty" way.
That quiet, dead-end gig may not be so bad after all.
Redditor MethodicallyDeep wanted hear all the tea about certain careers, by asking:
What is a secret in your industry that should be talked about?
I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Bigmartin scorsese casino GIFGiphy
"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy
"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copiesmail GIF by RabbidsGiphy
"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
ThievesJoseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy
"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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