Lawyers Share The Best "Would It Be Illegal If" Questions They've Gotten

Lawyers Share The Best "Would It Be Illegal If" Questions They've Gotten

"Would It Be Illegal If..."

[rebelmouse-image 18352138 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

It seems the law was made to be purposefully complicated. What regular person would want to sit and read a massive tome centered around the intricacies of mid-18th century bird law? No one, that's who. This is why we have lawyers. And, if you're really lucky, you might have one as a friend that you can ask all kinds of questions. Reddit user, u/cssensing87, wanted to know about the most outrageous ones when they asked:

Lawyers of Reddit, what are some of the strangest "Would it be illegal if I..." questions you have been asked?

"Is It Illegal To Tie Up People Who I Don't Trust?"

[rebelmouse-image 18352139 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A guy in my concealed carry class was asking a lot of crazy hypotheticals about when he could pull on someone and when he could shoot. One night he brought in a gym bag that had duct tape and zip ties (among other weird stuff) and was asking about the legality of effecting a citizen's arrest and the legality of putting the duct tape over the suspect's mouth after the suspect's hands were zip tied.

I really hope that dude is on a watch list somewhere.

Mail_Order_Lutefisk

"Is It Illegal To Just, Like, Ditch My Kids?

[rebelmouse-image 18352140 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I used to exclusively practice family law. Someone asked me if she could "unadopt" her kids because she hated them and didn't want to pay child support for them anymore. More of the saddest thing than strangest thing.

Strangest thing was a guy asking me if he could sue Campbell's Soup because a little bit of the wrapper got in the soup when he was cooking it. Not just a random friend or something, this guy scheduled an appointment with my office, showed up for the appointment, and asked. He was ready to sue.

IggyBall

"Is It Illegal To Measure Out My Restraining Order?

[rebelmouse-image 18352141 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Client is the subject of a Protective Order prohibiting him from being within 100 feet of the protected person. He tells me he has a laser rangefinder and makes sure he is complying by taking line of sight measurements of his distance from her. By bouncing the laser off her.

I had to tell him that is literally compliant but worse in the mind of the court than just not complying. Please either stop doing that or raise more money to deal with the sh-tstorm coming when she notices the laser dot on her.

NAbsentia

"Is It Illegal For You To Launder My Money?"

[rebelmouse-image 18352142 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A good friend is a lawyer. While we were on a guy's weekend abroad, he got a text, went quiet and texted something back. I asked if it was work related, and yes, it was a client who wanted his lawyer to pass on some information about where the client had hidden his stash. My friend responded simply "sorry, I think you understand that I can't do that".

The client stupidly thought that the lawyer's confidentiality was a back door to using him as a tool in the drug dealing business.

the_coff

"Is It Illegal To Move Money Around?"

[rebelmouse-image 18352143 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A stunning amount of clients don't understand that you can't lie in court.

"Well what if I just put the money in my mom's account and testify that I don't have any?"

"Well, that would be a violation of discovery rules, a violation of duty of candor to the tribunal, a violation of bad faith, and false statement/perjury. So you'd go to jail and I'd lose my bar license."

"Oh. Well, what if I put it in my DAD'S account?"

RegisYourVampirePal

"Are You Sure It's Illegal To Leave My Kids?

[rebelmouse-image 18352144 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

No, you cannot leave the state with your children when you have an open social services case.

Yes, you will be arrested if you do so.

Greyletter

"Is It Illegal To...Eat...Sticks?"

[rebelmouse-image 18352145 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I was eating lunch and this girl opened a can of soup, one of those fat ones with the chunky bits that rhymes with brogresso.

She pulls out a giant branch, turns to me and says, "Can I sue for this?"

I say sure. You would win too, as letting a large stick like that trough the machine is clearly negligent. I then asked her if she bit it and chipped a tooth or something.

"No."

Then your damages are the value of a can of soup. Are you still going to eat the soup?

"yes"

You got no damages.

LearnedButt

"Is It Illegal To Ask Why I Think Everyone Wants To Hit Me?"

[rebelmouse-image 18352146 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Everyone wants to know the precise limits of "self defense," to the point of:

"Hi, stormylullabye, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a lawyer."

"Oh. So if someone called me an ahole and I punched them, would it be self defense?"

...every. time. Probably the strangest questions relate to fan fiction, though.

stormylullabye

"Is It Illegal To Just Not Tell Anyone?"

[rebelmouse-image 18345132 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Would it be illegal if I purposefully wrecked my car for the insurance money?" YES IT IS.

"Why though? It's my car! I should be able to do with it what I want as long as no one gets hurt." Uh, well, it's not illegal to destroy your own property, but car insurance doesn't cover intentional damage. If you lie to an insurance company to get a payment you're not entitled to, that's fraud. And that's definitely illegal.

... "Well how would they know?"

I gave up.

PleasePardonThePun

H/T: Reddit

History is made on a daily basis.

Indeed, there is little more exciting than having witnessed the accomplishments of people like Barack Obama, Stacey Abrams, and Greta Thunberg knowing that they have firmly reserved a space for themselves in history books.

Of course, most of the people who paved the way to make the world what it is today have long since passed away.

Not all of them, though!

It may surprise you to learn that there are people who made an indelible impression on history who are still much alive today.

Some of whom even continue to make a difference to this very day

Keep reading...Show less

We all indulge in fast food from time to time.

Even if we know what we're eating isn't exactly healthy, sometimes the salty, fatty mass-produced food is the only thing we want.

Resulting in our making weekly, if not daily, visits to a nearby chain.

Then, of course, there are the chains that we make every effort to avoid.

We've likely tried places at least once simply because everyone is always talking about them.

But after having one bite, we have trouble seeing exactly what all the fuss was about and vow to never return.

Even if it might be the only option at a rest stop or even the only available food for miles, we instead opt to wait and be hungry.

Keep reading...Show less
People Break Down Which Movies They Wish They Could Watch Again For The First Time
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

There are several movies I've watched so many times I think the viewings outnumber the days I've lived.

And much like a favorite tv series or movie, who wouldn't love to start again anew?

Experiencing that first time but with that feeling of... "I'm gonna love this forever."

We never appreciate the first time enough.

But that's life.

Warning: there are spoilers below.

Keep reading...Show less
Non-Sexual Things That Strangely Turn People On
Photo by Maia Habegger on Unsplash

There is no one way to anybody's heart or libido.

Sexy doesn't always have to equal raunchy.

I've known people turned on by music, books, nature, and even funerals (don't ask).

What starts someone's engine is a mystery.

Keep reading...Show less